It is something of a touchy issue when wives being contributors to the home get discussed.
I am a firm believer in the role of a man as the main provider in his household, but I also have a rather discolored view of a woman not engaging in some form of income generating activity and helping the home as well.
The times aren't what they used to be and these days, and these days we find that some women even earn more than their partners. In most cases, these women shoulder most of the financial burdens of the home and that is fine.
What is not fine is any situation where the man is relaxed because the wife earns more. That is irresponsibility of the highest order. Men are natural providers and any man that fails to meet up with his responsibilities in the home, is seriously out of order. Of course an unfortunate turn of events may hinder the man from doing so but that should be temporal.
A few days back, Stella shared a post where Pastor Kingsley Okwonkwo said there is no biblical basis that a woman is the sole responsibility of her husband. he also advocated that wives should make efforts to be responsible to and for themselves. I do not know what his convictions for these are so I'll not dwell on them.
Let me share a personal experience ......
My dad was an insurance executive who rode through the ranks. I'll say he provided us a fairly comfortable upbringing. He was something of a spendthrift and really didn't believe in saving as a concept.
My dad was an insurance executive who rode through the ranks. I'll say he provided us a fairly comfortable upbringing. He was something of a spendthrift and really didn't believe in saving as a concept.
When the branch he was heading closed down, he kept it secret from us.
Before then, I had just finished secondary school and wrote Jamb to study medicine. (Spent 7 years in that pursuit and scoring very high and the lowest Jamb score I ever had was 230 in each attempt.)
While waiting for admission, my mom enrolled me into a computer program and when I finished, I needed to have my own PC. She asked me to make a request for the money from my dad but his response was not clear and it was later on that we found out that he had lost his job.
My mom was a retailer of a known health brand and also sold some other products. She gathered money and bought me a desktop PC of 175k. From that singular investment she made on me, I subsequently started paying the rent of the 4 bedroom flat we were staying in, paid university tuition for myself and two other siblings (I later went for economics because my dad couldn't afford to train me in medical school), while also paying for our youngest in the house who had just started primary school.
That singular investment my mom made in me, is what still brings bread to the table and affords me the opportunity to be able to cater for a wife and 3 kids today.
My mom was a retailer of a known health brand and also sold some other products. She gathered money and bought me a desktop PC of 175k. From that singular investment she made on me, I subsequently started paying the rent of the 4 bedroom flat we were staying in, paid university tuition for myself and two other siblings (I later went for economics because my dad couldn't afford to train me in medical school), while also paying for our youngest in the house who had just started primary school.
That singular investment my mom made in me, is what still brings bread to the table and affords me the opportunity to be able to cater for a wife and 3 kids today.
On occasions, I have designed and printed jobs here in Nigeria and way- billed to clients in the United States, Kenya and South Africa. Not to mention clients across major cities in Nigeria. From time to time, I wonder how things would have turned out if my mom was solely dependent on my dad and was not productively engaged.
As for my Dad, the shock of losing his job and income, led to his death 3 years later and but my mom stepped up and even training my younger sister to law school. She is a judge now.
A productive woman is an extra cushion for her children. The man's income can fail at anytime. His emotions and commitment to his family can get distracted. Divorce may happen and some fathers can choose to stop providing for their kids even when mandated by the court to do so.
A productive woman is an extra cushion for her children. The man's income can fail at anytime. His emotions and commitment to his family can get distracted. Divorce may happen and some fathers can choose to stop providing for their kids even when mandated by the court to do so.
I think every mother should make up her mind and be well positioned in such a way that she can maintain or even exceed the quality of life the father of her kids provides when he is no longer in the picture.
A woman who chooses not to engage or is slothful in productivity is a woman leaving her children to chance.
Your earning as a woman is your security, it is your voice, your shield and a magnifier of your value in your home and out of it.
Your earning as a woman is your security, it is your voice, your shield and a magnifier of your value in your home and out of it.
It gives you a voice at the table. You are filled with abilities and gifts that can be monetized. Nothing whatsoever should make you complacent in making the most of them.
No man, despite the degree of his love, affection, sense of responsibility, is worth depending on for anything.
'' A productive woman is an extra cushion for her children.''
ReplyDeleteThis here is the raw truth. May God bless every good wives out there supporting their husband. I have seen a woman watched her son died when she had the money to deposit at the hospital. She was waiting for the husband who wasn't around to send her money. A child that belongs to them both.
© TEEJAY
Loud it! Naija women and beggy, beggy, no wonder your men treat you like objects!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you, a woman should do something no matter how small, be productive.
ReplyDeleteWell written
💯 Loud it bro .
ReplyDeleteHaving your own money as a woman gives you voice. I can't trade it for anything.
ReplyDeleteAt its core, your chronicle shows how fragility and resilience coexist within families. Life is unsteady ground; one person’s strength, income, or love can vanish overnight. Your father’s fall and your mother’s courage prove that no family should lean on a single back.
ReplyDeleteA man’s duty to provide is real, but a woman must stand as more than a dependent. Productivity is not rebellion; it is insurance against hunger, shame, and despair. Too many homes collapse because one partner assumed provision was the other’s permanent burden.
It is time we raised daughters who see financial health as armour against life’s storms. To entrust survival wholly to another is to gamble with destiny. Their existence must rest not on a man’s wallet or the mercy of circumstance, but on their own grit, skill, and independence.
The wise home is built with two hands. Men, never slack because your wife earns more; you lose your essence when you do. Women, never lay down your capacity to create; it is your shield and your children’s refuge.
The lesson is not to diminish men nor exalt women, but to recognise that security is never absolute. A family prospers when both parents bring foresight, adaptability, and industry, anchoring the home against the uncertainties that life will, sooner or later, deliver.
He died because of the shock of losing his job.📌
ReplyDeleteThis is where your mom failed. She didn't manage "his emptiness" well, probably died from humiliation by whoever 😑. Abi?
The fastest way for a man to RISE AGAIN is from the wife's attitude in his days of downlow.
Don't go singing Igba Aka Bia Ilum by Sweet Breezy(check YouTube music 🎶) for your husband. Na so dem teach me.😂😉
Women. Let's do better.
My 1st time reading your lovely submissions 👌
Can you replace the pussycat with a 🐕?
Thanks
Xhlrted P
If I read this long essay, make I bend.
ReplyDeleteThis man's column just annoys me.