She posted
“This my bride came and booked her wedding gown .. made her payment and the date was already fixed. I wrote down the date cos we don’t book wedding gowns without an accurate wedding date,” she wrote in a Facebook post on September 17.
But she said at time goes on … the husband to be refused to do the necessary things .. He left everything for her to carter .. at a point she has already paid part payment to the decoration woman .. part payment to cake, part payment for hall.
The man refused to pay a dime for anything .. when the list for drinks and food came out .. the man told the lady to pay too .. hmm.
That was why she had to open up to her family to tell them what was happening.. He was supposed to come see the family of the lady but no .. nothing nothing .. it’s almost 3 weeks to the wedding date .. He has not come to see her family.
The lady said she cried .. wept .. the man was just silent.. The lady summoned the courage and called off the wedding … she said lo and behold .. the man till today didnt ask her why she called off the wedding .. the man went his way .. she went her way
I said there is nothing I will not see in this life ooo .. her marriage date was close .. Tuesday to her wedding cos we call our brides on Tuesday and Wednesday of their wedding week to come carry their gown to avoid been on the road Thursday Friday to their wedding.. we called her number was switched off .. others came and carried their wedding gown that week except her .. her number was switched off.
After one month .. she summoned the courage and called .. she told me what happened I was speechless.. I told her to send her account number to refund her of the money she deposited with us .. she was speechless.. she said all the people she paid advance payment refused giving her back her money .. I told her I’m Different.. I’m not them. She sent her acct details I refunded her her 80k .. she was happy
My Counsel. I don’t know but this is my little advise to young ladies about to get married .. except this man is walking on the same pace with you .. Never you fund your own wedding.. Never you bring money to pay your own bride price .. Ekere oru Eke .. I ve seen a man that still mock the wife till today that she was desperate to marry him that’s why she gave him money to pay her bride price
Is even better he borrows the money elsewhere and come and marry you if he does not have the money, than you giving him money to come and pay for your bride price
This was the exact situation of this my bride ..She was doing too much .. and my question again to Men is what do they really want ??? .. you get a supportive wife you say she’s doing too much .. you get troublesome wife .. wahala promax .. what do you want.
Ladies you can support your hubby to be for wedding preparations.. but know when YOU ARE DOING TOO MUCH .. cos he will tell you one day that you are doing too much.
The bride to be did well by cancelling the wedding since the man is not ready to spend a dime. The vendor also did well and her advice to ladies planning to get married is very correct.
ReplyDeleteDuring our marriage class, one of the conditions they gave was that even if the woman offers to and can pay for everything else, on no condition should she give the man money to pay for her own bride price.
DeleteI think that's fair. But on a serious note, why will you as a man want to marry when you don't have the finances to cover the wedding?
Honestly
DeleteShe was a desperate lady - too desperate for my liking. A man has not come to see your parents and do the necessary pre-marital formalities and she has gone ahead to fix wedding date, pay for wedding gown and start paying for other logistics. Infact na aunty gwegwe she be. The man was not irresponsible- he didn't want to marry her from the set go, so not contributing was his own way of letting her know
DeleteThe bride to be did well by cancelling the wedding since the man is not ready to spend a dime. The vendor also did well and her advice to ladies planning to get married is very correct.
ReplyDeleteWord!!
ReplyDeleteYes I agree with her to a large extent, a man should be a man.. However some things needs to be pointed out:
ReplyDelete- "....I don’t know but this is my little advise to YOUNG LADIES about to get married .. except this man is walking on the same pace with you .."
EMPHASIS ON "YOUNG LADIES ", HER ADVICE WASN'T FOR OLD CORNS.. AS AN OLD CORN HMMM HMMM HMMMM, I WON'T SAY ANYTHING SHA..
- "....Is even better he borrows the money elsewhere and come and marry you...."
BORROW MONEY TO MARRY A NON VIRGIN?? SEE EHN,. AS A NON VIRGIN YOU BETTER JUST BE SAVING TO SHARE THE WEDDING LIST WITH OGA COS YOU SEF FOR YOUR MIND KNOW SAY DEM SUPPORT REDUCE THAT THING BASE ON YOUR PAST MATTERS,. YOU BETTER MEET HIM HALFWAY THE SAME WAY HE MET YOU HALFWAY (LITERALLY).. YOU DON'T EXPECT HIM TO COVER FULL PAYMENT FOR SOMETHING WITH HIGH MILEAGE. HAVE CONSCIENCE MADAM
Old wicked incel
DeleteSee stupid talk
Maturity zero
Calling human beings old corns
No comment for the male nuisance who wasted her time
The man never wanted the marriage.
ReplyDeleteOh, thank you. This is my exact thought. He never wanted it, period
DeleteAbeg, let him send his own share to ur account before u start paying for anything
ReplyDeleteThe male creature didn't care
DeleteThis
Delete80k deposit to rent a wedding gown?
ReplyDeleteThat was cheap o. A friend's sister rented a wedding gown for 300k, deposited 200k.
Nti Adikwa,but why should you be that desperate nah, when he tells you to pay in some money for those things you think say na play abi😜
ReplyDeleteOk continue..
You will contribute it's certain but no be you go start...
Nne nawaoo 🙄
The man never won marry
ReplyDeleteShe was marrying herself.
DeleteMen are tired of marriage and don't want to commit.
ReplyDeleteMen don't want situations they spend and all yet get disrespected snd walked out.times are changing...Man wasn't just interested and you did him a favour.
I felt the pain reading this. Where did she meet such a man from. She would have seen shege in that marriage. You gotta watch him, if he is not excited about getting married, asking how things are coming along, asking what he needs to do, joking with his guys about the nuptials then you better start talking. Cause that man must have been showing some signs he wasn’t interested
ReplyDeleteLast night, I read this story to my husband and raised a thorny question with him. We turned it over, looking for an angle of excuse, but none made sense. This morning, I carried it to our family group chat for discussion. Tempers flared, arguments flew, but in the end, one verdict stood: the man in question was guilty, regardless of any excuse he might offer.
ReplyDeleteStill, I tried playing devil’s advocate. “Isn’t this unfair in a way?” I asked. “What if the woman was desperate, rushing the wedding forward, while the man, knowing he could not yet afford it, was simply bidding his time?”
The women dismissed the question outright. The men, however, conceded that desperation can alter the balance. A woman who insists on haste may corner a man into silence or withdrawal. Yet they were quick to add: there is a difference between a man honestly asking for time and a man hiding behind silence.
A responsible man, even if broke, says plainly, “I want to marry you, but we don't have the means for a wedding yet. Let me prepare.” That truth may not appeal, but it builds trust. A desperate woman who ignores such truth digs her own ditch. Weddings demand timing, readiness, and clarity from both sides. Where one is desperate and the other passive, the outcome will be frustration, not union.
ReplyDeleteI put in another common refrain in the discussion: “Men pay for weddings wholly all the time without complaint. So why the noise when a woman does the same?” On the surface, this sounds reasonable. In reality, it ignores the cultural weight behind responsibility.
They countered that in many African settings and to an extent in other climes, a man covering wedding expenses is not seen as generous; it is his duty, proof of his readiness to shoulder a household. When a woman steps into that role, she is not merely helping - she is carrying what the man has dropped. That shift raises serious questions about his commitment, not her capacity.
Yes, women can and do excel. A woman may build a house, lead a company, manage finances or pay bills better than any man. But marriage is not a contest of ability. The phrase “what a man can do, a woman can do better” speaks to competence, not to order.
ReplyDeleteIf she is forced to bear what her husband refuses, she ceases to be his spouse and slips into servitude rather than partnering. Even if she pays more overall, or chooses to shoulder more, the core responsibilities should come from him, at least as a willing proof that he is invested in the journey regardless of life challenges - even if he is not meeting up as expected.
This is why I disagreed sharply with the position of Dante - I'm a fan of his anyway. His argument was reflected and steeped in bitterness, defensiveness, and laced with contempt from someone who has witnessed betrayals from many females, not necessarily first hand. As it reduced a woman’s worth to whether she is a virgin, calling non-virgins “high mileage.”
Such talk is archaic and does not show masculinity. Marriage is not a second-hand market, it is a covenant. Virginity guarantees nothing. I once had a neighbour who married a virgin; she later became infamous in the community for reckless behaviour. Purity of body without purity of mind means little.
ReplyDeleteThere is also nothing shameful about couples sharing burdens - agree with @DOGgedity. In fact, shared financial responsibility can give the woman a stronger voice in marriage, cutting down nonsense. But this sharing must come from a place of understanding and agreement, not compelled shaming.
To say a woman must “meet a man halfway” because of her sexual history is an unprincipled excuse for irresponsibility. The man in question was not seeking assistance or support from his fiancée; he was evading responsibility.
And here lies the deeper truth. Marriage is not gowns, halls, cakes, or weddings. It is a sacrifice, a duty, and a shared burden. A man who will not lay the foundation of his own home has already abandoned it. Poverty is no crime, but neglect is. A poor man who plans, explains, and strives is still a worthy partner. A silent man who leaves his bride to carry the entire weight is not a husband but a stranger hiding behind true love's mask.
ReplyDeleteBetter a cancelled wedding than a lifetime of loneliness beside someone absent even in your presence. If a woman must drag a man to wed her into marriage, she has already married a child. To fund her own bride price is to buy not a husband but a feckless burden.
Strength should never be confused with duty. If he cannot stand at the beginning, he will collapse on the journey, and likely not be available through to the end. And if he collapses, she will walk alone anyway - but with the added weight of disappointment. Better, far better, to walk alone from the start than to carry a man who calls himself husband yet waits to be fathered by his wife.
If traditional marriage is not enough, go your way. I can't spend money on traditional and then this stupid white wedding thing to appease anyone.
ReplyDelete