He said because of the time difference of some clients, he would need to send them mails at that time of the day.
I didn’t know whatsup then. Lol. I just went ahead to wash so he could rinse them. But before I knew it, I would be doing the whole thing since I did not want to interrupt his work. I did not mind doing the laundry and I also wanted him to pay attention to his work. Getting up to rinse and then going back to his computer again was somehow to me so I just complete the work.
At the same time, I loved us to do it together to build our bond as a couple doing things in unison. But he needed to work so I washed.
I would do the washing, dry out the clothes, sweep and mop the house, toilets and bathroom, kitchen, in short do the general clean-up. It was a three bed/2baths and toilets apartment so the house was not a small one to begin with.
I would then go ahead to make breakfast before going to the market to get things for weekend meals, soups, sauces etc. Come back and start making the soups & co. Then sort out my work clothes for the week and iron them. By the time I am through with these routines, I have no time to rest.
The next day, church activities and when am back, I start planning my work schedules for the week.
And Bobo will just be checking ‘mails’, lounging and making no move to assist me with chores. After a month, I realized the toll this was taking on my health so I had a talk with him. I asked that he helped me out with chores like cleaning & washing so I can do the market runs & cooking. He told me he couldn’t clean the house. And that it was the responsibility of a wife to wash her husband’s clothes. Hey God! Nothing wey I never hear for this marriage life. A woman must wash her husbands’ clothes? Someone that has hands and legs, was not sick or on wheelchair…I will wash his clothes? I told him that was a big fat lie!
I did not marry an elderly Baba that I will be washing his clothes. At least I will know what I signed for. What kind of scam is this?
Beginning from that day, I stopped washing his clothes.
So, this was the kind of mentality this man had?
There was no house help, no weekend caretakers to assist me. All the work was on me and with all that stress, no thank you or well done for all the work I do. This house chores issues dragged on until he reported me to my parents, god parents, to even his friends. When they told him he was wrong, he went to report me to my boss at work.
And Bobo will just be checking ‘mails’, lounging and making no move to assist me with chores. After a month, I realized the toll this was taking on my health so I had a talk with him. I asked that he helped me out with chores like cleaning & washing so I can do the market runs & cooking. He told me he couldn’t clean the house. And that it was the responsibility of a wife to wash her husband’s clothes. Hey God! Nothing wey I never hear for this marriage life. A woman must wash her husbands’ clothes? Someone that has hands and legs, was not sick or on wheelchair…I will wash his clothes? I told him that was a big fat lie!
I did not marry an elderly Baba that I will be washing his clothes. At least I will know what I signed for. What kind of scam is this?
Beginning from that day, I stopped washing his clothes.
So, this was the kind of mentality this man had?
There was no house help, no weekend caretakers to assist me. All the work was on me and with all that stress, no thank you or well done for all the work I do. This house chores issues dragged on until he reported me to my parents, god parents, to even his friends. When they told him he was wrong, he went to report me to my boss at work.
The reports dragged on ‘til I left the marriage.
Na wa o
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. I have my reservations on this one.
ReplyDeleteWe are not ready for this conversation. Sometimes I believe we should just know that some men marry to have big house maid around
ReplyDeleteWe need to raise our sons to do better and know better. Imagine doing all that stress alone without help or any kind words or acknowledgement. Hugs
ReplyDeleteHe spends his own weekends resting while you have to fill urs up with chores and then still have to work the following week! Wickedness!
ReplyDeleteThis part of your story, like the other parts, is enough to really open the eyes of young dreamers who don't think deeply about marriage beyond butterflies and flames. Reading through your routine alone - washing, cleaning a whole apartment, cooking, shopping, ironing - was exhausting, and yet it was dismissed as nothing more than “a wife’s duty.” What made it worse wasn’t even the chores themselves but the lack of empathy, thoughtfulness, partnership, respect, and gratitude. Marriage should not only feel like teamwork, but be seen as one, and not servitude. Even a maid should be empathised with.
ReplyDeleteBut beyond the chores, your story highlights something even deeper: the mentality we marry. Chores are not just physical tasks; they reveal cultural beliefs about gender roles, respect, and responsibility. Some people grow up convinced that “a woman must wash her husband’s clothes” or that cleaning is beneath a man. Or that a woman’s place in marriage is the kitchen. Your story shows how important it is to prioritise talking openly about values and expectations before marriage. Love can be sweet, but if two people’s beliefs about roles in the home are worlds apart, it won’t take long for resentment to creep in - no amount of love will stop it from happening. Your ex reporting you to parents, godparents, even your boss wasn’t just immaturity - it was entitlement born from a rigid belief system his family culture instilled in his upbringing.
ReplyDeleteThat’s why today's story is both painful and empowering. Painful, because you carried a burden no one should carry alone. Empowering, because you drew the line and chose your peace over slavery disguised as tradition. For the rest of us, the lesson is clear: it’s not enough to love someone. We must understand the mentality, conditioning, and values of the person we want to marry - and ask ourselves if we can truly live with them.
ReplyDeleteBecause love without shared beliefs about respect and responsibility won’t build a home, only a gunpowder that may yet explode. In fact, mentality and mindset are at the heart of marital compatibility, often even more than romance or surface-level attraction, capability, and sustainability put together.
Some people are just not good people
ReplyDeleteThere’s no way I’m letting someone else do all the work unless I’m paying them to do just that
She’s your wife. What’s the joy in tricking her into do all the house work
Men plenty for this table
ReplyDelete"I did not marryand elderly baba..." Made me lol. I hate washing with my life.
ReplyDeleteReported you at work too? The guy is a user with poverty mentality.
ReplyDelete