POLYGAMOUS SITUATION
Please advice needed....
I am from a polygamous home, my mum is late, although, the second and third wives are no longer married to my dad but their children still come around whenever they want.
I am the breadwinner by God's grace....
Lately, my dad wants me to build on his remaining plot of land, that he was going to give me all the land papers claiming I bought it from him because I have been good to him out of all of us.
I am really skeptical, I told him to sell it off and enjoy his sweat, he said he wanted me to have it because out of all his children I look like the one that would be visiting home after his demise and I was the only one capable of developing it.
Before now I have experienced so many spiritual battles due to him marrying different women.
I am still single and I dont want any problem for myself and children later in the future.
Please no matter what, do not accept it either in this lifetime or the next....He means you well but is setting you up for battles that might affect your kids....Tell him to sell it and enjoy his sweat as his kids will fight over it later......
And guess what? NOBODY WILL BELIEVE THAT STORY ABOUT YOU BUYING IT FROM HIM.......If you agree to that you would have committed what they call Inheritance theft!
Stella is very right. Do not buy the land from him and do not take it for free. Buy a land somewhere else in the village and build for him. Everyone will know is yours alone.
ReplyDeletePoster, please do not accept it.
ReplyDeleteIf you have money buy a neutral land. Do not entangle yourself in family land wahala.
ReplyDeleteSure he can gift you anything he likes. He just needs to put it on paper.
ReplyDeleteEven if you bring paper they will say it’s a lie
DeleteThat land is inheritance for all the children. None of the Poster's sibling will believe he bought it. Even if Poster pays for it in their presence and the money is divided equally or by seniority into their hands, it would still cause trouble. If the siblings accept, their mothers will not accept such arrangement. One of them would struggle till the end to bring the Poster down.
DeleteSometimes, siblings blend in polygamy. But the mothers are majorly the case shooters. Hehehehe.
What they believe doesn’t matter. The land is his to do what he wants with.
DeleteI don’t even believe him
ReplyDeleteSome of these parents are not always good to their good child
Next thing he will say you should also let the others own it with you because what is family for
Don’t do it
You nailed it . He wants to use him to stylishly build family house .
DeleteThis sounds funny but has truth in it
DeleteWhen God reveals things to you, take heed.The many spiritual battles were your sign. Stay away from that land. Resist any pressure from your dad because I believe accepting and building on that land will drain you of what you have and you may not even survive it. I am talking from experience. STAY AWAY!!!
DeleteListen to Stella's advice
DeleteIs the property at the village or city?
ReplyDeleteAnyways, you know better than strangers.
Please take this advice from a lawyer who has seen innocent people lose their lives over land issues...don't accept his offer. Whether you buy that land from him or he gifts it to you in his lifetime ,he would confer on you a good title to the land. BUT it will always be family property in the eyes of your step siblings and I wouldn't want you to have issues with them in the future over this avoidable problem. We all know how dirty some step siblings can fight. Infact ,I have seen full siblings fight almost to the death over their father's property talkless of steps. Let him sell his land or leave it as a joint inheritance for his children.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU!!! You've said it all.
DeleteId say if you can afford to build the house and leave it as a family house then you can go ahead. Do not front that you built it also
DeleteI honestly don’t understand why people are advising the poster not to buy the land. This is his father’s property, and the man has every legal right to gift or sell it to his own child. As long as proper documentation is done, including a written agreement, deed of gift or sale, and a clear video recording showing his father’s full consent, he is completely within his rights.
ReplyDeleteEven if other siblings decide to challenge it later, solid evidence will speak for itself. The father’s intention is clear, and the son is simply respecting that. Sometimes we Africans assume the worst too quickly. Not every situation has a hidden agenda; sometimes a parent genuinely wants to support one of their children.
Some BVs have personal experience in this area and inputing from their own experience. One gave legal insight. Having a land deed in your name won’t protect you and your future children from a civil suit, physical attacks and spiritual ones. Sometimes we don’t have to personally experience something to make a choice, we can see what happened to others and find wisdom that way.
DeleteClearly you have not seen life. Poster stay away from this advice I beg.
DeletePoster do not listen to this advice please
DeletePlease, don't build on his land....he loves you, but he doesn't know the grave implications. The battle from your decision to build on it , if you agree might actually ruin your life totally after your dad's demise...because a very long, unnecessary battle awaits you. Let him leave it there if he doesn't want to sell it , everyone would want something as inheritance to prove a point. Just don't do too much then, your success has made you a target already in a polygamous domain, you are not just seeing it yet.
ReplyDeleteI so much love the sound wisdom coming from Admin's pen 🖋️ these days. I now look forward to reading her opinion on our beloved Chronicles...
ReplyDeleteIt's best this way : Chronicle advice should not be a joking mater because these are real life issues that people are actually facing..
The advice will not only guide the poster, but also other people facing the same predicaments...
Take your flowers, Madam SDK 🌺🌹.
Dear Poster, you have it ... I stand with the Red Pen - run with it! And all the best 🙏
If you are a girl child don’t do it, his male children will come along claiming some ancient cultural practice why it’s their inheritance. If you think you have experienced spiritual battles you ain’t seen no war like the one that would happen if you develop that land. Set up your life for ultimate peace. I wouldn’t even build in same village cause some will still believe that you got some special financial assistance through him because you are the only one around. They will think you forced yourself to become the favourite to get the land. Another thing is that even if they believe that story how would you stop them from wanting to build their own place too? The land is communal, his offer would save you lots of money but kill your peace and that of your future family. Don’t make any choices that your generation will end up being in a bad place over. Sometimes pay more for the peace you will get.
ReplyDeletePlease don't do it. You will regret it.
ReplyDeleteDon't try it oh
ReplyDeletePlease don't do what your father is telling you. Though he is saying it out of love because you are the bread winner. As time goes on when he's no more, that land will be shared among your siblings
ReplyDeletePlease don't accept it.
ReplyDeletePOLYGAMY is involved;plus that is a family land;and it can only be believed that it was sold if another individual that is not linked to your family brings the documents of it being sold to them..
ReplyDeleteYou father might have good intentions but know that whatever you build there,would be a "Family house" and not your private property.
So if you want a totally private property,buy another different land and build to your taste;because after your Dad's demise in future,the house will bring a lot of family issues and nobody would believe your own father sold a family land to you.
Emotional blackmail about family being everything would come in and you don't have a choice aside bending and allowing everyone share the house with you.
If you want peace and privacy,BUY another land and if your father gifts you the land;use it for agricultural purpose,or if it's so important to them;let another child of his use their sweat to build on it.
@MARTINS
Thank you stella for posting and thanks to everyone for their input.
ReplyDeleteI really i appreciate.
I am a male and last child of my mom but older than the other step kids.
Hello Poster,
ReplyDeleteThe truth, as I see it, is that you are in a situation that carries the old smell of polygamy: sweet in the beginning, but once you step closer, you hear whispers from the walls and shadows behind your shadow.
Nothing in a polygamous house is ever just as it is. Everything has history, sweat, bickering, grudges, and silent competitions soaked into it.
Your father may mean well, as most parents do, but good intentions don’t erase the footprints of old fights. What he’s offering you isn’t just land. It’s a doorway into a war that started before you were born, a war the children didn’t start but are somehow expected to complete. Sadly, this might linger into the next generation.
Every boundary line has a memory. Every corner holds a quarrel your mother fought alone. And once you develop it, you won’t just be building dreams; you’ll be reopening an old case file of nightmares. Each sibling, each mother, each witness to that household’s past storms will swear that land is theirs in spirit, even if the papers are all in your name.
The problem is simple. Nobody in that house will ever believe you paid for it. Not today. Not in ten years. Not even if the receipt is tattooed on your forehead. Except if your father calls a meeting among his children and their mothers and announces that you wish to buy the said land from him, accepts and signs the necessary papers. That in itself is a full-blown curse to inherit at a young age.
Family land has a memory; it remembers every hand that ever hoped to own it. And when a parent gifts it to one child, or the child(ren) buys it from their father, others don’t see kindness. They see an affront that needs to be confronted and attacked.
People love to pretend blood is thicker than water, but in reality, when property is involved, blood becomes highly inflammable. Where everyone is fried.
You know what you’ve survived: you’ve already tasted battles you didn’t cause. You know the shadows that follow a home where loyalty was split across women who didn’t choose each other. And sometimes they are inherited by the next generation.
ReplyDeleteAsking you to step back into that arena is like asking someone who already escaped an almost burnt house to return and “just grab one last thing.” Why do you want to risk it all and step back into such a fire that has learned your name?
This land will not bring you peace. Even if your father signs, kneels, swears, and records a whole documentary, the resentment will still come. Not immediately. But one day, years after he’s gone, it begins with emotion.
Someone will insist your father favoured you. Another will claim you manipulated him. Someone else will swear their mother suffered too much to let "your" building stand in peace. And that kind of accusation eats a person from the inside. A simple gift will become a battlefield in the spiritual and physical sense. You’ll win the papers and lose your sleep.
Stella, has given a solid response. Buy your own land. A clean one, without ghosts or memories of multiple hands laying claims to it. Or multiple wombs attached to it. Build something that belongs only to you, where no old story can interpret your future. Something your future children won’t have to defend like Yerima to Wike.
Let your father keep his plot. Or let him sell it and enjoy the proceeds as the sweetness of his old age. You’ve done enough for him. You don’t owe anyone a lifetime of fighting just to honour a gesture he made out of love but without wisdom.
At all times, choose peace, not sentiment. Polygamy leaves long echoes. You don’t need one following you into your children’s lives. The land your father wants to give you may yet become a gift and a curse; it is a chapter that should be closed gently and left untouched.
Just follow the Red pen .... nothing to add
ReplyDeleteDon't set yourself up for more spiritual battles in the future ooo. Don't have anything to do with that property abeg
ReplyDelete