UNCARING SON
My brother always complain of being broke...Each time our parents calls, it's one complaint and another.
He recently got married and made his wife his mouth piece between my parents and himself. They can only talk to him through his wife. He claimed his line had issues yet he speaks with his wife and she delivers the messages to them.
He stays in a different state with his wife. His wife lost her dad and this my brother that cannot spend 20k on his parents bought a cow, bags of rice and hired a band that took my villagers to his father in-law burials. If you have a caring son. Thank your God.
Na wah oh!!!!.................Your brother changed the Narrative cos your parents wanted to choke him with demands...He is newly married, let him settle down properly before your parents continue their choking with demands....
While giving is good and shows care, it is not by force and should not be abused.... You all should stop monitoring what your brother does with his wife
E Dey pain you o 😂😂😂😂 don’t have the wife o…face your brother. One love
ReplyDeleteAre you for real? You don't know some women are demons from the pit of hell? Parents that birth and trained you to who you are?
DeleteChai aunty Stellaaaaa. This advice no follow at all
ReplyDeleteIf your parents aren't sick, they should stop calling him. Give him space and more space. Those things you are requesting of him, try to imagine him not existing at all; you'll be alright. He will look for you only when you show him that you don't need him.
ReplyDeleteNot fair.He should be doing a little as possible for his parents.
ReplyDeleteThey should consider him gone out of their lives. I bet if they stopped calling him for a year he would never call them. Sometimes that’s how it goes with a child. Today there are many parents speaking up about adult children no longer checking in, visiting or even speaking to them. It’s a sad refraction on the state of relationships in our time. However, having and raising a child doesn’t guarantee a future of closeness. Just consider him gone and move on, especially now that he is married and will be starting his own family soon, the rift will even be wider when his own children come along. There is also the slim possibility that he despises his background and wishes not to be connected to you all because of your parents social class or economic status and wants no further connection with it.
ReplyDeleteI am not a parent so I cannot stand in the shoes of a parent to understand what that kind of rejection fees like. I can only assume that it is deeply painful. I only hope they are able to sustain themselves on their pensions and other finances. Also, I hope they are able focus on the children who are there for them, and not put all their energy into trying to win back the son, such action could increase their pain and prove futile.
All parents should have a plan for their lives when their children move on marry and start their own lives, because while some children will remain close and bonded to them others will move on and forget their existence.
What you said is very right. The moment ur child no longer depends on u for food and water, all u have left is the relationship you built wt them.
DeleteAs i dey like this, i want to make provision for my old age even uptil my death, down to the shroud i would be wrapped with when i die, i will buy and keep. Like you said parents should start learning how to plan their lives after the kids are all grown up this generation of kids, only God can handle them.
Parents, pray to have kind children.
ReplyDeleteYou are you not an adult? Go and hustle and take care of your parents.
ReplyDeleteI am equal to the task. I am female but worth more than 10 sons to them. No one cares how he spends his money but parents will always be parents. How do you block your parents. They can't get you except through your wife. You claim not to have money yet in their parence you bought a cow of a million plus, 4 bags of rice, hired a life band and drinks to go bury your father in-law. A marriage of less than a year. His wife is job hunting so she did not do them through him.
DeleteIf that is the kind of son you want,. Receive it🙏
A woman just typed this?
DeletePoster, i see why ur brother cut u guys off. U guys are toxic, see the rubbish you wrote for someone that told you the truth. If you like don’t husstle and take care of them, continue counting what he did for his wife, na una go tire.
DeleteYour brother is simply non caring towards his parents.He was avoiding them before his marriage,let the wife rest.
ReplyDeleteHave you confronted your brother on the reason he doesn't send money to your parents?
Find out what happened.
But I don't wish this type of son to myself.
You sounded do pain. 🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteNo be only Do pain. So pined you meant? Are you a mother to boy children? Wait until in your old age your sons do same to you. If you're brother behaves in this manner you'd bead just like the poster. But here you are on this blog forming what you are not offline
DeleteYou sounded so pained 🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteJust keep praying for him. Let the veil covering his face from you guys be removed
ReplyDeleteBut forget ooo, most people can demand non stop from you, especially family. When they see that you are down to square one, they will still be the one to insult you.
ReplyDeleteWhat if the burial money was covered by his wife so as to cover up your brother in the eyes of his in-law and also to elevate his status a bit in the eyes of your family/Villagers as well since it's her father that died?
ReplyDeleteWhat if truly your brother barely provides for his own nuclear family and it's his wife doing the sponsorship in the background?
Life isn't always black and white,but if truly he is buoyant and have refused to give his own parents monthly stipends;he is selfish! and generosity, empathy or kindness can't be taught to a wicked heart, especially as an adult.
Hope this helps.
@MARTINS
My sister in-law is job hunting.. Everything was done by my brother. I know because he did everything through his friend and the guy told us everything. Initially he didn't want us to know till his friend brought everything 3 days before the burial and requested my dad to follow him to present the things to his in-laws. My brother came back a day before the burial. They stay 12 hours flight distance apart.
DeleteExactly. Martins has analyzed this well. Something he was doing before marriage, you people are quick to blame on the wife. The wife is footing the bill and "covering" shame for her husband. Better find how to reach you brother and help hm understand how to be responsible to his nuclear and extended family. Be there blaming wife who is facing more sege than all of you.
Delete@17:38;he is self centered then and him not giving money is totally how he actually is;probably his wife is seeing shege pro-max "inside the marriage" and all those buying of cows and all for burial was just to seek and get public validation.
DeleteA giver is a giver,even if you marry a wicked wife or husband;and giving is neither about how rich or poor you are;it's a mindset.
Your brother is not a giver right from time,so even in abundance or lack;or even if he is single today;there would be a reason as to why he doesn't have money to spend at any moment on anyone.
Also your family should stop tolerating the disrespect of talking to their son or brother through the wife;if he doesn't want to call directly,you all should let him be.
Never tolerate disrespect because of money or status.
Na money he get;he is NOT GOD! and if there is any little you can do for your parents now they are alive,do it with Joy and don't bother about which of their other siblings give them or not.
God bless you as you show your parents kindness and love while they are alive..
Warmest regards @Poster.
@MARTINS
Anon 17.38 he may even be lying to his friend, does your sister in law have a well to do family or friends? Some people no dey work but family and friends wey dey settle dem pass who dey work. I have a friend who was also job hunting but her best friend in UK from sending her money monthly paid for her to go do masters in UK, the lady is presently in the UK with her husband and kids. If indeed he is doing well and refuses to support his parents do not blame the wife blame the man he us an adult, maybe he don join religion wey don warn am not to send money, some go claim they notice a pattern of getting bad luck each time they send money to some persons. Pls check that he isn't superstitious before blaming the wife.
DeleteWhy can’t he talk to his own parents
ReplyDeleteSome of these children are not worth anything
Poster never talk wetin dey sup finish. It’s the foolish woman that allowed herself to be messenger that I blame. See how they have blamed the man’s bad behavior on him?. The burial nko? Poster should come and tell us what makes her certain that the costs were Bourne by the man.
DeleteYour brother is a big Simp.. and that's good for you,. Continue supporting nonsense, it'll come back to bite you..
ReplyDeleteImagine a full grown man communicating with his family only through his wife.. God forbid..
Your parents too are enablers.. Una still dey call the wife and answer her call to send message to your brother.. them dey insult you, you sef dey present yourself to be insulted more..
God forbid..
Person wey Una suppose don throw am for where he belongs sharply..
Nothing piss me off pass SIMPs..
By the way, my book is almost ready..
If you like, when I release it, be fighting and insulting my mindset instead of purchasing it and giving to yourself brother and all the men in your family..
NB: I have a topic on SIMps there
I understand how frustrating it can be to feel overlooked, especially when your brother seems distant. But it’s important to remember that he’s newly married and trying to focus on managing his immediate family. Balancing responsibilities to a spouse while still being attentive to parents and extended family is not easy, especially in the first few years of marriage.
ReplyDeleteGiving him some time and space to adjust doesn’t mean he cares any less, it just takes a while to find the right balance. With patience, he will likely find a way to be present and supportive to both his own family and yours.
When the coin flips the other side, they start crying foul! But most of you here wants a simp who will be for you and only you?
ReplyDeleteIs that not what most of your prayed for, that your brother is to his new wife now? He's just being a real man to his wife naw!
He was that way before marriage and speaking to his parents is his responsibility not his wife’s. Even if his parents are annoying and beggy beggy the are still his parents and deserve his attention. He’s just shytty
Deleteyour brother now have a family to care for, allow his wife to breathe and you too get a person who will spend on you. How sure are you that his wife is not the one spending all the money but your brother is just showing off to take glory as the head of home? You people should free him, if he want to gift to his parent he should do that and if he refuse to do that free him because he is sowing a seed which someday he will reap from it.
ReplyDeleteStop calling his wife's name because she is married to your brother. If your brother want to help your parent no woman or man should stop him.
The poster knows his brother is capable before bringing it here, wether she owns the money or not, does the wife also own his phone and mouth,let assume his phone is bad, can't he communicate with his parents through the wife phone? How do women claim they love their hubby them hate his relatives? The mother and father came together and produced that man you called husband, through their blood.(Sperm) women should do better.
DeletePoster that money might be from the wife pocket. You don't know some men. They are some that can be stingy even to themselves. Writing this from experience
ReplyDeleteWhat in hell is the definition of a simp!
ReplyDeleteThis life na turn by turn. If your brother is capable and refuses to support his own parents, leave him alone. Some of you saying parents should have plans bla bla bla. Do you know that when resources are limited, parents sacrifice their future comfort just to equip their children for the future. Let's not support selfishness. Even if your parents do not have financial needs, they surely have emotional needs. Please make an intentional effort to support your parents especially if they were parents indeed.
ReplyDeleteFor me;It's a very wicked mindset to live life with the ideology of "I don't owe my parents anything" especially if truly they did their best for you with the little resources they had at that time while they were training you.
DeleteI tell my female friends one thing back then;if you want to marry a kind man;that fastest way of knowing how kind and loving he TRULY is;is how he treats his parents..and then how much love reflects between him and his sensible siblings.
If a man hates his mum especially,you would NEVER get any preferential treatment from him inside marriage, especially when there is an argument between you two;because he would treat you way worse than his mother.
And no real man;trained with love and from a stable home filled with love,would wake up suddenly one day and just stop taking care of their parents;married or single,even if it's the least #500 for recharge card every month.
This post is really a reflection..
@MARTINS
@ Martins some people will love their family to the moon and back but will not extend such to the spouse.
DeleteThey are looking for a way to pin it on the wife!
ReplyDeleteYou all are typing this simple because you're in a man house,and you believe once a man married you he doesn't have right to looks after his family again especially his parents,una Weldon oooo women believe once you're in a man house as wife,he can't look after his family again,a man can decide to leave his marriage today tomorrow but can never leave his parents,where is Ann Macaulay today and where is 2baba? He's still with his family but left the marriage to another woman .some of us are mother and one day we will grow old.
ReplyDeleteThat is the reason it's good to have insurance policy and assets and also show love to other kids not just your kids and for your information people abandon their parents and never look back same way some abandon their spouse, same way some mothers dump their kids by the road side. Life na war. Prepare for it and dont let anything shake you. Always love other kids too
DeleteI have a story that sits too close to home. My cousin - a genuinely good man - has an older brother whose wife has become a storm in their family. None of the siblings, nor their spouses, can stand her. In public she carries herself like a saint, always eager to impress. But behind closed doors, she is something else entirely, cold and manipulative.
ReplyDeleteEvery carer hired to look after their ageing parents has complained about this couple. Not once has anyone spoken well of them. They are overbearing, dishonest, and shockingly lacking in empathy.
The older brother lives just three hours away from their parents, yet he rarely visits. The last time he showed his face was in August, only because one of the parents had taken seriously ill. Before that, his previous visit was in February. Meanwhile, the rest of the siblings - scattered across the North and Middle Belt - still manage to visit at least once in two months.
My cousin lives in Ogun State, and together with his immediate elder brother and their two younger married sisters, they carry nearly all the other responsibilities for their parents’ upkeep: feeding, maintenance, house repairs, everything. The only duty chosen by the older brother was medical care, and even that he barely fulfils.
The others still step in whenever things get critical. And the sad part, he will not inform anyone. It's the carers who will reach out to the other siblings, to inform them of the need to take their parents for check-ups.
So yes, some women set fire to a family without lifting a match.
Now, back to the poster’s issue. Her narration smells deeper than “stingy brother” or “his demonic wife.” What you described is a fracture that didn’t start today. People don’t wake up one morning and decide to block their own parents. Something happened long before he got married, long before the burial expenses of his FIL, long before you all started speculating about who bought a cow.
ReplyDeleteI think your brother isn’t careless, I could be wrong. But he definitely is avoiding something. It could be exhaustion from endless demands. It could be resentment that nobody paid attention to. It could be a shame not to have enough. It could even be the quiet rebellion of someone who felt used, not loved. And when people carry wounds they never voice, they behave like this: they give where they feel seen, and withdraw where they feel judged.
But there’s something else nobody wants to admit. Some parents can be overwhelming. Expectations can become debts nobody agreed to - one most sons don't handle well. And older children often get trapped between guilt and survival.
So yes, he should do better for his parents, he'll also wear the shoes someday. But your parents may also need to accept that he’s no longer under their roof, and has his own family now. The leash they used to pull has snapped, especially if he doesn’t have much empathy to give.
Dragging his wife into the mess is lazy, she may be what @Martins addressed. Yet, she didn’t create the distance; she only filled the space he opened. A thoughtful man who wants to honour his parents doesn’t need permission from any woman to do so. Pretending she’s the villain only distracts everyone from the real problem - your brother.
I have seen this play out too often, where sons choose their comfort over confrontation with their parents. And your parents are choosing pain over understanding his position. The family bond is breaking up, and both sides are losing.
Until someone drops pride, asks real questions, and listens without judgment, this cycle may continue. Families don’t break in loud moments. They break in small silences that nobody bothers to dutifully address and tackle.
That’s the tragedy I see here.