Is virginity all it is cracked up to be? I ask this because last week, in the clap back post, BVs were literally piling on a particular BV who sought of made it something of a calling card that she is a virgin. That seemed to have rubbed off some the wrong way. But I understand to a degree, why virginity can be something of pride to some and indeed it should. For some, the wait gets to be worth it, for others, not so much.
I’ll share a matter a regarding a couple I had to counsel recently (me wey marry yesterday don dey fit counsel people? Ha!). We call the husband Polo. Polo is young-ish, if you can call 46 young, got married to a lady his dad picked out for him and has remained married for 4 years now. The marriage has 2 kids. Now, to say Polo likes women will be something of an understatement. He does have a bit of change to spare so ladies are always around him. Hardly would he spend a night without a lady gracing his bed. Polo was the only unmarried person in our circle even though he was the oldest.
As is normal for young men, we’d occasionally tease and taunt him for his singleness. He was a good sport and took it in good stride.
It was a thing of a surprise to us when one evening, Polo announced his wedding was coming up. We didn’t know him to have anyone he was seriously dating so we were taken aback. We later got to know that his dad wasn’t comfortable with Polo’s unwillingness to settle down and took it upon himself to look for a wife for his son. He got a young 26 year old church girl and her family to agree to marry Polo.
It was a thing of a surprise to us when one evening, Polo announced his wedding was coming up. We didn’t know him to have anyone he was seriously dating so we were taken aback. We later got to know that his dad wasn’t comfortable with Polo’s unwillingness to settle down and took it upon himself to look for a wife for his son. He got a young 26 year old church girl and her family to agree to marry Polo.
He sold them on the premise that Polo had a well-paying job and could really take care of their daughter. He called polo on the phone to inform him that he has found a lady worth getting married to. Without setting eyes on her, Polo gave the go ahead for wedding preparations to begin.
On the date of the traditional, we travelled to Lokoja to turn up for our guy. After all traditional rights had been done, it was time for the bride to be ushered in. What an entrance she made. Not because of anything she did but because of what she carried in or rather, what carried her in. At that moment, I understood why Timaya sang ‘Ukwu’ with the passion he did.
On the date of the traditional, we travelled to Lokoja to turn up for our guy. After all traditional rights had been done, it was time for the bride to be ushered in. What an entrance she made. Not because of anything she did but because of what she carried in or rather, what carried her in. At that moment, I understood why Timaya sang ‘Ukwu’ with the passion he did.
The girl gather no be small. We looked at Polo and exchanged looks among ourselves. Polo was licking his lips and smiling. Our guy dey carry better meat go house.
A year or so into the marriage, Polo’s wife called me and was crying on the phone. I listened to what she had to say, gave her a few assuring words and told her I’ll speak with her husband. Apparently, the issue was Polo hadn’t slept with his wife for a long time. From what she said, he had barely touched her more than 7 times since they got married. For someone who married as a virgin and who had kept herself looking forward to enjoying her conjugal rights in marriage, having a husband consistently deny her sxxxx was too much to bear.
Sitting Polo down to discuss the matter with him, I heard more than I was prepared to handle. Polo swore he was never going to touch his wife until she made peace with his mom and she shed some weight. He also alluded that his wife had poor bed skills (you married a virgin and was expecting what exactly?). He stood his ground for 2 years. That lady became miserable.
A year or so into the marriage, Polo’s wife called me and was crying on the phone. I listened to what she had to say, gave her a few assuring words and told her I’ll speak with her husband. Apparently, the issue was Polo hadn’t slept with his wife for a long time. From what she said, he had barely touched her more than 7 times since they got married. For someone who married as a virgin and who had kept herself looking forward to enjoying her conjugal rights in marriage, having a husband consistently deny her sxxxx was too much to bear.
Sitting Polo down to discuss the matter with him, I heard more than I was prepared to handle. Polo swore he was never going to touch his wife until she made peace with his mom and she shed some weight. He also alluded that his wife had poor bed skills (you married a virgin and was expecting what exactly?). He stood his ground for 2 years. That lady became miserable.
On occasion, deep into the night when passion threatens to drive her insane, she’d go to meet Polo asking that they make love, Polo will shut her down. In her nakedness, she’d place heavy curses on any woman that Polo had outside. Very heavy curses.
I do know Polo gets his steady fill outside the home. Lodging in different hotels and spending nights outside with different women. Leaving a wife at home unfulfilled and burning with passion. Seeing her these days, she’s become a shell of her former self, eating heavily due to depression and piling on more weight as a result. Is this her due reward for keeping herself all these years? There’s more to what this particular home has going on but no need delving too deep.
I recall when I was dating my wife. She made it clear and plain, she wasn’t any church girl and she’d want to see how I handled business. I found her being so upfront about it refreshing even though I still think she took too much of a gamble. I used to be a solid team test but knowing what I know now, if I had to do this all over again, I’ll be team virgin 100%.
I do know Polo gets his steady fill outside the home. Lodging in different hotels and spending nights outside with different women. Leaving a wife at home unfulfilled and burning with passion. Seeing her these days, she’s become a shell of her former self, eating heavily due to depression and piling on more weight as a result. Is this her due reward for keeping herself all these years? There’s more to what this particular home has going on but no need delving too deep.
I recall when I was dating my wife. She made it clear and plain, she wasn’t any church girl and she’d want to see how I handled business. I found her being so upfront about it refreshing even though I still think she took too much of a gamble. I used to be a solid team test but knowing what I know now, if I had to do this all over again, I’ll be team virgin 100%.
Yes, both for the man and the woman. Virgins should marry virgins and collectors should marry collectors. Collector wey dey go look for virgin to marry make thunder fire am. Why do you want what you can’t give?
To every lady and young man(?) out there who has vowed to keep himself or herself, you are doing the right thing and your decision is commendable. I pray you end up with someone who truly values, treasures and desires you for who you are as a person (not just because you have a v-card) and makes it easy for you.
To every lady and young man(?) out there who has vowed to keep himself or herself, you are doing the right thing and your decision is commendable. I pray you end up with someone who truly values, treasures and desires you for who you are as a person (not just because you have a v-card) and makes it easy for you.
But at the same time, have the wisdom enough to know that your v-card is not all that matters. Being a well-rounded, resourceful, fun-filled and engaging personality helps in a long way. You will not fail.
Let me just save this write up cos it is too sweet....They should also know that being a V does not guarantee an everlasting marriage cos some people have virgin entitlement mentality...LOL
So you mean your friend didn’t even see a picture of his wife before he accepted the marriage???
ReplyDeleteSo he saw her for the first time on her wedding day? Lol.
Virgin or not...just marry who values you. Ned told us Regina was a virgin, the same him is saying all these thrash concerning his wife's drug use. Just marry who values you and not your virginity tag.
ReplyDeleteCos, virginity will end with one swift penetration but a kind man who values you will stay loyal to you for life.
This is it🎉
DeleteOn point
DeleteAmazing read, Welldone Sir👍👍👍
ReplyDeletecollector marry collector. Nice write up Doggy. That be said make all the virginians please remove that mentality. Good character counts too. Make Almighty give all singles good and Loving partners
ReplyDeleteNice write up Dogg.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to settling down, I don't really care about virginity or not. I have even dated single mom of one twice. So I see nothing wrong in marrying a non virgin. What really matters us character. If I eventually ended up with one(virgin) fine and if not, it's still good and better to me.
ReplyDeleteWhy I feel most men though not all want a virgin bride is because of what they have done to other people's 'innocent daughters' So they don't want to have such women as wife.
© TEEJAY
Therein lies the problem @Teejay...adding to what you have written up there, one must come to equity with clean hands...you did something to other women, or rather both of you got dirty together....but when it is time to settle down you pick a virgin woman...pls such men should make this, make sense? The foundation of such union is actually DOA! Life is deep...*sigh*
DeleteNice write Doggy anyways✌️
ReplyDeleteCollectors should go for collectors simple😅
Virgins for virgins
ReplyDeleteCollectors for collectors
Oha for oha
Thank you my brother 👍😃
Convents are filled with virgins. There are many asexual adults who are virgins, I don’t think it is as rare as ppl make it out to be. If one is a virgin for religious or moral reasons that is fine, everyone must live according to their conscience and be at peace with themselves. I don’t think being a virgin alone makes you a good person, or more destined for salvation, though some virgins seem to believe this. I do think that with the rate of divorce these days virgins need to be prepared for the possibility of a cheating spouse, divorce or having to remarry. It is important that they choose their spouse wisely, because juju ppl are always looking for virgin blood.
ReplyDeleteNice write up Doggy. You can't be rotten and mannerless and wants an innocent girl to crown your wayward life.
ReplyDeleteCollectors , please go for collectors.
Virginity is good if you're with a kind partner or husband, if not OYO will be your case, I know many people that are in unhappy marriage despite marrying as virgins while plenty people that are non virgins are happily enjoying their marriage.
ReplyDeleteTo me if you're not a virgin and you're desperately looking for one, that means you're living in delulu and if you end up with one, lucky you, who will marry all the ones you deflowered and didn't marry, to each his own sha.
The second to the last paragraph is for Dante, Mr "I want a vaaagin" 😂😅
ReplyDeleteYou go wait tire in Jesus name. Amen
Amin. Na refurbished virgin he go see.
DeleteWell done. Collectors marry collectors. Virgins marry virgins.
ReplyDeleteThe write up has nothing do with her status as a Virgin. Snoop Dogg famously said 'never make a 'Ho' a housewife', same goes for a manwhore. The dude above is a f*ckboy, manwhore.
ReplyDeleteP.S...am a man.
That being said- Virginity in most cases is a sign of discipline which can lend itself to devotion in marriage.
Interesting write up Dog👌👌
ReplyDeleteI think those in the relationship should be open with each other and learn to communicate their expectations effectively.
No one size fits all.
Team virgin all day, everyday. But please don't even mention V if you're a collector just like you said
ReplyDeleteHonestly, getting married as a virgin guarantees very little. People hype virginity like it’s a spiritual insurance policy, don't get me wrong, but life doesn’t work that neatly.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn’t guarantee a faithful partner. It doesn’t guarantee desire. It doesn’t guarantee respect, joy, or a gentle marriage bed. Plenty enter marriage untouched and still end up bruised by partners who lack empathy, patience, or basic emotional discipline - like Polo.
What it can bring is a sense of personal conviction - that you honoured your own values, your own pace, your own understanding of intimacy. But that conviction only flourishes if your partner is kind, emotionally present, and willing to grow with you.
Virginity paired with a cruel or selfish spouse becomes suffering. Virginity paired with love becomes tenderness.
It guarantees nothing externally, but some form of spiritual fulfilment - that you held your line - and the rest depends entirely on the character of the person you marry.
This whole “team virgin versus team collector” debate misses the real problem. It feels like a recycled distraction from the actual rot underneath.
ReplyDeleteI see it as a red herring when people argue about chastity and hymens the way some of us argue about fuel price and the economy: loud, emotional, and missing the real problem. As if character doesn’t matter, the most.
Virginity isn’t the issue, experience isn’t either. The rot is in the people themselves: entitlement, cowardice, and adults using marriage to hide their own unfinished business and insecurities.
Look at Polo. A 46-year-old man who let his father pick his wife, then punished her for his own restlessness. He starved a woman of affection, blamed her weight, mocked her “skills,” and still roamed from hotel to hotel. That is not a marital challenge. That is a man who was never ready for the responsibility he accepted.
And his poor wife, who held her virginity like it was insurance, only to meet a man who saw her body as a living artwork for his bedroom. Virginity without kindness becomes suffering. Experience without discipline results in a problem. Both collapse when paired with selfishness and emotional emptiness.
So the real lesson isn’t “virgins for virgins” or “collectors for collectors.” It’s simple: choose someone who has the heart to love you as they love themselves, and mirror the way you love yourself, the discipline to stay steady, and the honesty to build a life with you.
People don’t suffer because of the position of their purity before marriage. They suffer because they marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons, under the wrong pressure, with the wrong motives.
And that’s the truth most people are afraid to say out loud.
People don’t suffer because of the position of their purity before marriage. They suffer because they marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons, under the wrong pressure, with the wrong motives
DeleteGbam!
While I still maintain that virginity is a sign of ingrained character and discipline, there's also the issue of motive and the fact that virginity is simply a part of the whole. The ability to make the right Choice is also important as well. Characters have to complement each other. Values too...else, the flaw in judgement makes futile your journey in chastity.
People don’t suffer because of the position of their purity before marriage. They suffer because they marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons, under the wrong pressure, with the wrong motives
DeleteGbam!
While I still maintain that virginity is a sign of ingrained character and discipline, there's also the issue of motive and the fact that virginity is simply a part of the whole. The ability to make the right Choice is also important as well. Characters have to complement each other. Values too...else, the flaw in judgement makes futile your journey in chastity.
The lady looked back and turned to a pillar of salt. Let her go to God to rearrange her destiny especially as there are children of God. She heard decent bank account and family of repute and tanked God's plan for her.
ReplyDeleteThe heart of the king is in his hands. Let her focus on Christ and he'll sort out everything.