Ladies, why? Why do you ask men this question? You know the answer, we know the answer but we are damned to hell if we answer affirmatively. Why?
So the Mrs and I were having our normal banter and I jokingly teased that as the festive season has come, let her not splurge and forget the weight goals she set for herself. Not that I ever complained about her weight, after all a mother of three will naturally have pockets of fat here and there.
Besides, I have a thing for thick women so I found the added weight a nice look. Some women are very sensitive whenever issues of weight get mentioned and before you knew it, the Mrs took my light talk as a rebuke of sorts.
I don't understand why I have to be swearing oath every morning to say that what she can see and knows is there isn't there. When she took a covenant with food I wasn't there. To put in the work to lose the weight is too much of a hassle.
Now every morning is "babe am I fat?" "Is my weight loss exercise working?" Exercise wey she no do reach 10 minutes and before you know she don descend on a fearful plate of food again as if food offend her.
She dey ask me to join her for weight loss training. Wetin I wan lose? My body that can lose over 4kg if I don't eat for a day or two. Na dey small meat wey I don dey manage gather for nyash after 35 years she want make I lose? Now wey trouser don manage to dey stay my waist small? Dem send her to me?
I don explain tire say I dey very okay with how she dey but make she no add pass dat one. E don come turn problem. Bible talk say all liars shall go to hell. See crossover dey approach. Abeg I no wan dey lie again. If she ask me whether she dey fat dis period, hanty I go talk true chakam! Yes o! Make I fit rest.
I'll probably get sent to the doghouse but if I can get respite from constant weight reassurance for a while, that will be a good bargain.
Make una chop easy and drink easy dis period so dat January no go do una 'what I ordered versus what I got.' Na wetin you chop you go see for mirror.
I don't understand why I have to be swearing oath every morning to say that what she can see and knows is there isn't there. When she took a covenant with food I wasn't there. To put in the work to lose the weight is too much of a hassle.
Now every morning is "babe am I fat?" "Is my weight loss exercise working?" Exercise wey she no do reach 10 minutes and before you know she don descend on a fearful plate of food again as if food offend her.
She dey ask me to join her for weight loss training. Wetin I wan lose? My body that can lose over 4kg if I don't eat for a day or two. Na dey small meat wey I don dey manage gather for nyash after 35 years she want make I lose? Now wey trouser don manage to dey stay my waist small? Dem send her to me?
I don explain tire say I dey very okay with how she dey but make she no add pass dat one. E don come turn problem. Bible talk say all liars shall go to hell. See crossover dey approach. Abeg I no wan dey lie again. If she ask me whether she dey fat dis period, hanty I go talk true chakam! Yes o! Make I fit rest.
I'll probably get sent to the doghouse but if I can get respite from constant weight reassurance for a while, that will be a good bargain.
Make una chop easy and drink easy dis period so dat January no go do una 'what I ordered versus what I got.' Na wetin you chop you go see for mirror.
To those of us who can eat recklessly without adding weight, no dulling for dis season. Who's with me?
LMAO!!!...I am so guilty of asking these questions toooooh. in fact i asked it yesterday morning...
Hahahahahaha this is hilarious
ReplyDeleteLool. I still asked yesterday too and I was met with a ‘no’ without him even looking at me. Lol. My own is I’m in my first trimester and already 73kg. Meanwhile in my other 2 pregnancies, I was already in my 2nd trimester before seeing this kind of figure. Abeg oooo.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting, yes ooooh,I no want add extra pounds
ReplyDeleteYou write well,keep it up
Losing weight is not a child's play
ReplyDeleteLol. Funny man. Well I will just need to keep a date with food this period till further notice
ReplyDeleteLol
DeleteYou see that truth you're seeing,just ignore it,swallow it and keep affirming that the weightloss is working.It may take time but she's definitely not where she has always being weight wise,so better forget that truth
ReplyDelete@Dogs Coner, ki re? Lol
ReplyDeleteWhat an eternal paradox of love and mirrors. We, ladies, will ask, “Am I fat?” knowing the answer, and men are expected to navigate this landmine with the precision of a bomb disposal expert - without getting blown up. The irony is that the men rarely get a medal for honesty, yet their silence is equally punished.
What fascinates me is the choreography of human denial: her exercise barely starts, the plate of food descends, and suddenly the battle between desire and discipline becomes a spectator's sport. Meanwhile, men like DOGgedity are quietly plotting strategic withdrawals from this emotional treadmill. And let’s not even start on the selective amnesia regarding the “covenant with food” - that’s comedic gold.
The amusement here isn’t really about fat or thin - it’s about perception, ego, and the shared delusion we call “holiday bliss.” The funniest truth? The mirror never lies, but apparently, it’s the only voice we don’t want to hear. So cheers to those who can eat recklessly, laugh at the chaos, and leave the rest arguing with their reflection.
P.S. The doghouse is probably inevitable, but at least it comes with a good story.
Kudos, DOGgedity.
Happy new week everyone.
I believe women are wired like that because this is so me. I hate adding weight more than how I am already
ReplyDeleteNo wonder I like you
DeleteLosing weight is just not that easy for some people.
ReplyDeleteWhen some people like Medey look for Fat🚶🏻🚶🏻🚶🏻🚶🏻very annoying something
ReplyDelete