SELFISH OR UNREASONABLE?
Am I being selfish or unreasonable?
2 years ago, I took about $13,000 from my husband. I changed to Naira, added my own savings and invested in property.
Now, the property has yielded big. It’s about x5 of the initial investment. Time to pay my husband back, and he’s insisting on collecting 45% of my investment rather than the initial money.
There was no agreement between us that I would invest this money. But he’s not seeing it that way. He says since his money made up 45% of the investment, I should give him that.
My issue is this property is the only meaningful thing in my name. I had agreed to sell before and then we reinvest the money together, but now he wants to take almost half. He already has over 150m in his name.
I have about 30m outside of the property. The house we live in is in his name alone. We have each bought other property in our children’s names, with the one he bought being way more significant than the one I bought.
He says he feels I’m jealous and competing with him. I’m not.
I’m a woman living in Nigeria with in-laws who don’t regard any wife married into their family and the most senior in their family told me our house isn’t mine too when my husband and I had a big issue and that I had no right to go back there.
Thankfully my papa get big house, and my children and I didn’t suffer. But my husband thinks I’m unforgiving for wanting to protect myself.
I asked him how I’ll be covered if we sell my own property and he says I don’t trust him. I’ve always been open with finances, and used to push for joint finances, so and I agree I’m now being very guarded. I have forgiven him, but being wise now.
He’s not happy that I referred to what his family member said and says I’m being unforgiving. Am I being selfish? I don’t like that he’s refusing to understand my own perspective.
Dont sell the property if he's trying to make you sell it to collect half of it..just tell him that you dont wanna sell it again..hes trying to cripple you financially so that you can be dependent on him....... You both seem to have a lot of money between you, so collect all the cash gift you get from him and see if you can refund the initial money you borrowed without selling off the property.....
I dont wanna say this but this might not end well if not properly handled oh...
Don't sell that property ooo
ReplyDeleteStop discussing your finances
DeleteWith him because he tells his family. Knowing your partner, why did you tell him about the proceeds? Just think it through but be careful going forward.
Ticking time bomb. Woman protect yourself.
DeleteWicked woman. So you didn't pay him back immediately, you invested it and it has yielded substantial returns and you don't want to pay him with interest. If I'm the one I will drag you to court and divorce you . Put an injunction on the house whenever you sell it I'll get my money's worth . Greedy woman.
ReplyDeleteVery wicked . See how to look to look at it, if you had gotten a loss, would you have paid him back or would he have joined you in the loss. If yes , then he should join you in the profit. Shikena. Next time, keep your investment portfolio to yourself
DeleteA loan is a loan
DeleteInvestment is investment
Poster what do you mean by “took”
Did he loan or dash you
So he acquiring properties with only his name is not wicked?
DeleteThey should go to court and get good lawyers and I promise you he will loose more.hes worth more than her after all..
Stella be steady dishing out bad advice e Kare.
ReplyDeletePlease ma protect yourself jealously..
ReplyDeleteHe want you to be dependent on him..
Give him back his money,not the 45 percent if he's insisting..
"I don't wanna say this but this might not end well if not properly handled oh..."
ReplyDeleteAnd your advice may just help her achieve your fears for her.
Lol
This funny and very nearly phony arrangement called marriage.
I wish you had moved on silence. No, he doesn’t deserve 45% of the property value. What he deserves is the change in value on the initial $13,000. So if the value in today’s money is 14k - 16 k or unchanged that is what is owed. This is based on the originating currency not the exchange rate.
ReplyDeleteMoney always brings excitement especially when unexpected. It takes a strong person to keep their tongue. This is why it’s important to develop a friendship in God, this way we can always take our happiness there if we do not wish to share it with another. Madam, keep your property in your name.
Yes, good advice. Since he buys properties in his name, she should also do same. If his mind is pure he would include her name when buying property
DeleteWomen make much ado about nothing. In his name in his name... No be she and the kids be next of kin. If she made a 100% loss is this what she would say? Or will she say oh hubby I am sorry matter end. Keep the property in Ur name give him what he requested but plead to reinvest in something else with a written agreement or verbal. I want this small cash ruin Ur marriage. So next time do I think he would invest again? Use Ur brain woman, do not be a woe to the man.
Delete12:28, did you read where she said his family does not recognize any woman as wife. This means that they are one of those families that throw women and children to the streets when a man dies. She and the children will never be next of kin where such family members exist. In the abroad she is protected but in Naija, never with that type of family.
DeleteI agree with Stella. Put your foot down and protect yourself financially. Dont let anyone push you around.
ReplyDeletePlease don't ever sell your property or any other one that carries your name .
ReplyDeleteLook for another means to get his own 45% and give to him if that's what he want for peace to rain.
The Chronicle go long. Men wey nor like women securing themselves oya make una come out.
ReplyDeleteI be man o I go guide my wife from .my family anyday. So woman dont sell.
You understand your husband more than us. He is trying to get your money and keep you under his subjection.
ReplyDeleteWisdom is profitable to direct. Don't show him that you are thinking towards that direction but that you have chosen to defer selling of the property until 5 years time when it would worth more .
Then gradually save up the loan in dollar and refund him. You can add extra 2k on top for peace to reign.
You understand your husband more than us. He is trying to get your money and keep you under his subjection.
ReplyDeleteWisdom is profitable to direct. Don't show him that you are thinking towards that direction but that you have chosen to defer selling of the property until 5 years time when it would worth more .
Then gradually save up the loan in dollar and refund him. You can add extra 2k on top for peace to reign.
Don’t sell your property, return his $13k . You’re not being selfish pls
ReplyDeleteYou wouldn't have told him if you weren't going to give him a percentage. Most married men these days aren't comfortable when their wives acquire properties or jobs worth millions, it bruises their ego. Most men derive joy when their women averagely depend on them.
ReplyDeletePls choose your battle wisely, not all disagreement should lead to a fight. Settle this amicably for peace sake
Kai, abeg where una dey see this money sef?🤔
ReplyDeleteAbi is there now another Nigeria elsewhere?
If there was no agreement to give him 45% then he has no leg to stand on.
ReplyDeleteI ll leave it up to you as to how to solve this marital impasse.
Poster, both of you are right kind of. The Bible says a man’s ways are right in his own eyes.
ReplyDeleteIf this issue isn’t amicably settled, it could lead to the breakdown of your marriage. Only you know what’s important to you…property or marriage?
I don’t think it’s fair to give your husband just his £13k back because the value of that money has depreciated over the years meanwhile the property appreciated.
I wouldn’t also expect a man to insist his wife gives him an interest on the money he loaned her but it is what it is.
If I were in your shoes, I would sell the house, give him his 45% of the house worth, then use my 55% to buy another house in my name, then leave it for a few years for capital appreciation. The same you that worked for the 55% can still work hard to make more money.
I don’t think you both should allow your union to break over this issue. No one is taking anything out of here though there’s no marriage in heaven either.
I wouldn’t want to join finances with your husband going forward if I were in your shoes.
My sincere opinion.
Good advice.
DeleteThe husband's position might be a reaction to her giving him back the initial borrowed to her. Who does that??
DeleteGood one!
DeleteVery good advice.
Delete13k loan turns, for example 100k without any manual work.
And the borrower cannot return 45k to the lender?
Typical Nigerian marriage.
Despite the nearly uncommon financial openness of the marriage.
Yet women who do not know how much their husbands earn or the locations of their husbands' properties or the number of their husbands' wives/concubines and children are giving advice beyond their depths.
Anyway, Poster apparently seeks validation of her already made up mind not to give the 45%. So she has gotten her votes.
Poster woman to woman, both of you are wrong. The percentage he is demanding is too much but you should have also added some money to what you owed him even before he asks.
ReplyDeleteI would naturally have thought of adding a percentage even if the person is not my husband. How much more the person I call a husband. It's just morals, it is the right thing to do. We share with people we love just as they also share with us and if someone did you good, show them appreciation.
Imagine if he was keeping his money to himself as you are doing now, will he have given you? Please add some money to his money, give it to him and tell him you want to reinvest the rest. There's even a possibility you will end up going to him in the future to borrow. Don't close that door with greed please.
Or you can pay him the value of the 45% of the property in cash in dollars without having to sell the property. All he needs is the 45% value of the property you're not being mandated at this point to sell abi? Be careful of the advice you receive here some are not loved at home don't allow them spoil your marriage with their wicked heart.
ReplyDeleteMan's mind is now on that property. He probably won't rest about it until it is liquidated.
DeleteMarriage and property matter no dey mix. Give him a percentage for peace to reign.
ReplyDeleteHe is projecting, he is the envious person and not trust worthy person in your marriage.
ReplyDeleteImagine competing with your wife.
Don't sell please
I agree. He is the one that can't stand his wife measuring up to him property wise. Scared of her empowerment? Poster I am guessing that due to his actions, you will keep quiet on your investments going forward for peace to reign. Na real wa.
DeleteIf you love money than your spouse it won't work.
ReplyDeleteSeems you just want to scatter your home coming here to ask for advice from faceless netizens with boulders for chips on their shoulders.
ReplyDeleteFinancially, your husband is right. Outside of that, the bigger issue is why you feel the need to 'Protect' yourself in a marital union. It shows both of you aren't thinking as One or rather one may be and the other isn't.
Advice? Drop the red herring and face the real issue. Trust is built and takes time to solidify to something unbreakable. Both of you are still very far from getting to that point. Be careful how you manage this situation ..it may appear little but....
But he has his own. Why is he insisting on you guys selling that property. If you feel you want to sell it, please sell, but give him back his money. Dollar has appreciated a great deal so he can benefit from that one as well
ReplyDeleteare you talking about giving him back the same amount in dollars, not the naira equivalent? He has a point, what was the exchange rate when he gave you the money? if it was when it was 500 naira, then the man is even doing you a favor because he is probably losing money vs if he had just kept his money in dollars
ReplyDeleteMadam, be nice enough to add a little interest when paying him back but it must not be up to the 46% percent that he's asking. Normally, this should have occurred to you that you should add something for him .
ReplyDeleteBesides, your husband is not a nice person just as you are not.
Don't sell.it
ReplyDeletePoster don't even listen to any advice. Your money and his money are yours, it's only you that own your money.
ReplyDeleteThere's no marriage and love anymore these days. What we have are just financial partnerships.