STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
I don't know how to settle this or what to do.
My brother and his wife has been having issues for some time,as all tried to resolve but both parties are adamant.
My brother wants the wife to relocate to stay with him in Germany,he said he's tired of staying alone without his family, he has already filed for her so she and the children to go but my brother insisted she must stay and they build family together.
Wife says she can't that she has a good job in Nigeria,she can't go to Germany and start all over again.
This resulted to both parties insulting each other and blocking themselves.
The wife is very good and nice to us ,the in-laws. In fact she helps me more than my brother whenever I need help and she does it with joy whenever I ask her for help...
The wife is very good and nice to us ,the in-laws. In fact she helps me more than my brother whenever I need help and she does it with joy whenever I ask her for help...
Now my brother, the husband is saying we should cut ties with her cos he's thinking of ending the marriage and I insisted I can't. He said that if he decides to marry again that the new wife will not like the fact that we are very close...
Hmmmmmmm i understand she has a good job and does not want to start again but she does not seem to be into him at all cos love dey shack and she is not shacked...Please dont inherit his enemy cos is still mother of your nieces and Nephews and you said she is of more help to you than your brother......
They will still settle later cos of the kids between them so stand your ground and dont take sides....
It is not easy for moat career women to just leave their jobs like that..Maybe your brother should have given her time to gradually relocate...
My dear, you don't need to tell him plainly that you can't or won't nah. Just say "I don hear". Nah everything dem go teach Una? 😂 😂
ReplyDeleteMoreover, he's not in naija or gonna have a detective to be monitoring you nah.
But keep the relationship with the soon to be ex wife, if she wants too. But you must be able to manage it very well. By ensuring you don't serve as the new "newscaster" to both parties, when they move one .
Just maintain only friendship/bloodship and 'eyes front"
No need to hate or cut off the wife, cos she did nothing wrong to you all personally. Nah husband and wife matter
HF
It surprises some people that not everybody has the desire to live abroad. This marriage is on a tightrope.
DeleteI respectfully disagree. Love doesn't need to shack her to be true love. Infact the love that shacks is a love based on feelings. And because feelings can change., that's not the love that sustains marriage.
DeleteMarriage is commitment and not feelings. So judging her by that is wrong. I sent a woman who is practical and not basing her life by feelings and inshallah.
She knows her husband more than us all. We are immediately judging for the fact that the post said Germany , we automatically assume he is doing well. What if he is not, and let's say he is, what if the wife knows his financial capability may not sustain the entire family, their kids inclusive
What I would rather advice, rather than her saying NO completely to her husband, after she knew him and said yes to him, by herself and they married, so rather than just saying, NO, she should tell her spouse to give her 1 year or even 2 years at the most to put her self together, towards moving and within that time frame, she can start rigorously applying for jobs while still here, or even start learning the Dutch language, or applying for sch for masters or PhD or whatever over there
So as to not come there and start from scratch,
Moving is not a light decision, is a decision that can change ones life trajectory if not well planned. She should reassure her husband, and her husband should not be quick to want to let her go cos of this, infact it's a huge red flag on the solidness of their relationship abi na marriage. Wishing them well. Deep and constructive communication is lacking in their marriage.
There's wisdom in your advice. Wokeness will destroy so much. Important choice is what will serve you best in the long run. Jobs will come and go but loneliness in old age can be a b*tch.
DeleteThis is why communication is very important between couples. Before he left Nigeria, didn't your brother and his wife discuss whether she'll come over or not? These are things that need to be fully ironed out before life changing decisions such as moving abroad get made.
ReplyDeleteI sense a bit of immaturity between your brother and his wife. Blocking each other? In a marriage with kids? I think it is best she remains in Nigeria because there are more salient conflict points in that marriage and the peculiarities of western societies will exacerbate them and before you know it, your brother will be thrown out of the house.
Let him ignore his wife for now but still keep sending money for the family upkeep. If the matter remains intractable, he can file for divorce and get married over there.
Family unification is important but there are many things happening here. Your sil is financially secured, has a bustling career and perhaps has a good professional reputation. It is tough to leave all of that to go into another country and start at the bottom, and possibly never getting that again. Many folks have reported that German language is not easy, the potential for racism exists and she may not want to expose the children to that. She probably has valid reasons why she doesn’t want to relocate.
ReplyDeleteEnding communication is not good, encourage your brother to come home on vacation and try to save his marriage and family. Do not stop talking to her, she did not do anything to you and even if they divorced you will still have to see her for family occasions, so why cut her off, that doesn’t make sense. Keep her in your pocket because she has been a very good friend to you.
There is something the woman is missing in Nigeria apart from the Job. I bet you, or she is not into him as Stella said.
ReplyDeletePoster please don't join issues with your sister in-law. She's already thriving here. Relocation is not everyone's ideal of happy and progressive life.
ReplyDeleteA dicey one here. Both have valid reasons, but family should supercede. If Madam is really into and Misses the family bond, she wouldn't blink an eye. But seems she's ready to sacrifice the family position for her job. As for you, don't inherit her as an enemy pls. Keep being cool with her. Las las na husband and wife matter dem go settle .
ReplyDeleteDon’t listen to your brother rather pray for them and encourage your brother and his wife to think about it or other ways that they can make it work. Starting afresh in the abroad is not easy at all.
ReplyDeleteThis is what calm communication will solve. Please, do not be caught in between. I believe when they’re calm, they will have a talk and settle it.
ReplyDeleteDon't mind him. What's if the woman was your sister? Never inherit enemy.
ReplyDeleteSince your brother left, she's tasted independence, freedom and peace and wouldn't trade it for anything
ReplyDeleteWhen you live apart for too long, it's kills the feelings..
ReplyDeleteDon't inherit a fight that was never yours in the first place..
Poster,please don't listen to your brother, keep being good to her.
ReplyDeleteNa wa
ReplyDeleteI hate it when people are having issues and they expect you to take sides, settle your ish and don't include me in your madness please.
Ignore him and his tantrums, continue to be cordial with your sis in law, they may even settle.
They both have valid reasons. Your brother is already thinking of ending the marriage and marrying a new wife instead of looking for solution to keep the marriage. The matter should be handled with prayer and wisdom to avoid divorce.
ReplyDeleteWhatever happens, don't let the issues between them affect the rapport between you and your Sil. Don't allow your brother to turn her to an enemy cos he's fighting her. That she has been nice, good to the family and also has kids for your brother should count for something.
This is tough.Staying together is the right thing.Maybe she is tired of the marriage.
ReplyDeleteWhen last did she go there
ReplyDeleteShe shoul take leave and go visit for some time
Body no be firewood and the man no wan cheat
I like how you said you don't want to have issues with the wire. Let it remain that way. They'll reconcile soon
ReplyDelete