Hmmmmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
A SPOUSE THAT TROMENTS
Anytime I travel to my parents house, my hubby will tell me not to come back and until I beg he will still tell me to beg his parents when I did nothing wrong and get their permission to return home.
Anytime I travel to my parents house, my hubby will tell me not to come back and until I beg he will still tell me to beg his parents when I did nothing wrong and get their permission to return home.
He has been tormenting me because I don't have any thing and he is the one that doesn't want me to do anything because he say that If I have money I won't respect him .
He also said I've brought him so much bad luck.
Last year October I went to my sister's burial and he said I should not come back and I didn't even beg him, I just stayed back.
From here I'm preparing to go back to continue school, I'm planning to resit my waec and work on being useful to myself even if he ask me to return, I will not and by God's grace this year I will start looking for admission.
I'm 25 years now and I got married at the age of 18 years after my secondary school so I have just been like a slave to him.
Please, I need mature ways to navigate this new turn in my life. I have a baby girl.
GOD ABEG OH!!!
you left without a plan B sohow will you manage financially with your daughter?...If there is no violence, I will advice you to beg and go back and start plotting...Going back to school is not the issue, how will you fund the Education and who will cater for your child while you are schooling? Think well before you complicate your already complicated life...Beg and go back and plan well...
This is sad and im so sorry about it
ReplyDeleteTo lose a sister is terrible and to be dealing with a bad husband so sad
Try and apply for the tinubu school loan or find an NGO but you need a plan
Try and apply for a good program that can lift the poverty or start your own YouTube channel
hmmm, serious
ReplyDeletehuh Stella ? are you fr with this red pen? wow
i am too dumbfounded to form a coherent response for her but all i know is yours aint it. someone left an emotionally abusive relationship that is messing with her mental health and this is what you have to say?
Don’t mind Stella. Her red pen these days…..hmmm.
DeleteIf the husband drops dead today ( God forbids), won’t she live?
What if she gets pregnant again?
No matter how low one has sank, the best time to take charge of your life is the moment you realise it abeg.
Once you remove hunger most problems are solved
DeleteIf the man is feeding her and she doesn’t have food otherwise then she better stay for now
He’s not beating her. Let her ignore his bad mouth
If she stayed, she will come for the poor girl, she left, she is asking her is she has a plan B. 18-25 yrs, how many yrs did she spend in the marriage. Tortured mentally, physically and emotionally.
DeleteStella please delete what you wrote up there. So from all your DV chronicles, you can’t tell that abusive situations can be just as dangerous even if there is no physical violence (yet)? God forbid if the emotional abuse sends her enemy to a terrible situation, it’s still people who will say ‘leave to live’.
DeletePoster, please be strong. Reach out to organizations around you for help, like your church, or a Catholic Church near you. You are braver than a lot of people to take your destiny into your hands like this, and it will only get better. Stella please can you share how helpers can reach her?
So he didn't want you to attend your sis burial, your sis o. Na wa. Abeg do all you can to make your life better,and do not go back. It's obvious he sees himself as your lord, always telling you beg.
ReplyDeletemmm, serious
ReplyDeletehuh Stella ? are you fr with this red pen? wow
i am too dumbfounded to form a coherent response for her but all i know is yours aint it. someone left an emotionally abusive relationship that is messing with her mental health and this is what you have to say?
I was shocked. It’s until she runs mad. Not everyone is strong enough to plot while living with their abuser
Deleteyou should have beg him for now and save up for the main time before you move on. I will say please do not get pregnant for another child for now till you are sure where you belong. Men who abuse their wives will never allow them to have something doing because they are afraid she will make it more than they do.
ReplyDeleteJust make sure you play the fool for the main time to gather some fund and build yourself before you plan to leave.
She cannot save in that situation.
DeletePlease do not go back - I wish I can help but I am not financially good now. If she can get a job doing or better still learn a skill. She can never achieve anything in that cage called marriage.
You are suggesting that she should go back and save up. One thing you will understand is that if this chronicle is true then know that men like the husband can never give thier wives money that will be enough for thier needs talkless of having extra to save. Their aim is always to frustrate their wives so that they will be at their mercy . It is better she stays back and figure out how to handle the situation. It may be that she has someone that is willing to support her to go back to school.
DeleteFrom which income is she going to save from or you are looking at the stipend the husband will be giving her to feed , it is not possible. Poster be strong and keep your faith in God, this is a good the right time to run and don’t look back.
DeletePerhaps you should find a social support charity or NGO focused on women’s affairs. Your husband’s behaviour is mentally and emotionally abusive. It is not healthy, but you need help and support. Perhaps if you tell your city you can be directed to help close to you.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is not a good person. Next time he starts, try to audio or video record him in action. His parents will never say he is bad and your own parents may not have much and not want to rock the boat, it will be your words against his and as he is the party working and paying the bills, most will blame you for doing something wrong and be at fault.
I sincerely wish you all the best. Whatever you plan to study make sure it is an in demand area where you can pick up work quickly. Speak with a career coach, ask them what the labour market trends state and where the gaps are. Being job ready doesn’t mean years of study, in some cases all you may need is a certificate or two-year diploma. I know someone who has no lengthy formal education but takes high value certificate training at top schools and consistently gets great jobs with good pay. Be strategic and maximize your time well.
I guarantee he won't allow her to go to school cos according to him "she wouldn't respect him if she makes money"...school is a conduit to make money. Not so?
ReplyDeleteI really wish I could advice you but I'm not a Nigerian and I do not know how your systems works. Stella's advice doesn't sound right to me because emotional and financial abuse are equally grave.
ReplyDeleteYou're just 25 baby girl. You havean entire life time ahead of you. Good thing you have a place to stay, stay back their and build yourlife from the scratch. If you register for waec this year, you still have one whole year to plan and work towards going back to school. You can do it.
ReplyDeletePlease don't go back unless you don't mind this abuse with your mental health. What kind of slavery marriage is this. Some humans can so see themselves as gods. This is just appalling.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Madam SDK. Very important points she made...
ReplyDeletePoster, you never marry o! This one na glorified slavery. But leaving without carefully planning your exit will backfire in a way that you might later regret leaving, when you are hit with financial difficulties ( since you have no savings and no investments anywhere).
Worse still, you even have a daughter to cater for. It would been easier if you had no child to take care of.
Whatever you do, don't remain in that thing you call marriage. Just don't leave out of emotions. Let me borrow Ma'am SDK's word: "plot" your move carefully before you take off. You can make it without this your slave master of husband. All the best.
I congratulate you for making this courageous move, God will not let you down. God is close to the broken hearted and down trodden.
ReplyDeleteYour plans are valid and right. You need an education but will need to do business or work part time to support yourself and baby.
Keep pushing Sis.
Na wa some men wicked. Where they find some of these guys. U go just dey control another person like unto Wetin. Poster we need prayer and action.
ReplyDeletei would advice she does Open University or look for a distance learning option. This will give time to focus of earning a living . The cost is reasonable but calls for a lot of self discipline to follow through.
ReplyDeleteNo go any open University abeg.
DeletePoster, going to school is a great idea. While working towards that pls get a skill eg hairdressing if you have a flair for it. You can get a doll head for practice besides, your daughter is there.
ReplyDeleteThis will help you while at school and during school breaks
Thanks to God that you stayed back. That man is a narcissist and probably do not want you again.
ReplyDeleteIf your family is standing with you, please obey them.. Return the bride price ASAP .
BV Official prestige
Please leave the house. God will provide
ReplyDeleteGo back and start plotting ke? This husband will frustrate a her effort. He is the sort of person who'll burn her WAEC certificate after she passes just to keep her under his control. Please don't go back.
ReplyDeleteIt’s better she stays alive and Plan. She only has a child now, her siblings can help her. She can also start any small business and help herself from it. This lady can never have any plan b with that her husband. She is not working and the man won’t be kind to give her excess for savings. Better not go back young lady, pick up yourself, if not school do something else.
ReplyDeleteGo and study nursing and get out of Nigeria apply for care jobs abroad and see if they’ll take you
ReplyDeletePoster please do not go back to that man... Try your best wherever you are.. look for churches that help and join them.. a friend was in your situation,she joined Cherubim , they helped her,she birthed her baby,went back to school,got a job with nafdac, she's doing very well now with her 2 kids.
DeletePoster, it's well with you, i pray for God's direction and provisions upon you ❤️🌹🥰
ReplyDeleteGo if your family can take care of your education.
ReplyDeleteWhy will he progress when he's not treating you well. I have always said it here that many men don't know that if their wives are not happy they will never progress to the great extent that destiny prepared for them except it's fraud. This is spiritual. They always say she's ogbanje that brought bad luck but it's not. There is nothing like that. It's the bad treatment on a CHOSEN woman that causes bad luck for him
I wouldn't advice you to go back at all. It's such a toxic environment. You can't plot well in that type of space. Stay where you are and see what you can start selling or working for someone. You're better off that being with him. All the best
ReplyDeleteDO NOT GO BACK!!! If you have a roof over your head and can feed, stay with your parents and get your education. You also write well. If you have access to a phone start an online digital service or anything online to earn money without needing to leave your baby. You are still young oo.
ReplyDelete