DOGS Corner

Emotional intelligence is something that doesn't really get talked about or given the significance it deserves. Yet its absence remains one of the greatest triggers of conflict in marriages and relationships. 

When there is an imbalance of emotional depth, development or intelligence between couples, it can be quite frustrating. Nothing is more draining than being in a relationship with an emotionally unintelligent partner. It will wear and keep wearing you out.

Emotions are the triggers of affection and bonding. How we feel about a man or a woman is what guides and convinces us to become emotionally vulnerable with them. But left free to run amok, emotions are dangerous. Emotions on their own, tend to be self-immolative. In other words, unguarded emotions are destructive both to the originator and the receiver.

Emotions are like a flame. They need constant fuel to burn. Now of course, not everyone has the same level of emotional intelligence and depth. For most, a topical display of affections and emotional patronage gets them satiated. For others however, an equally emotionally intelligent partner makes the difference.

They say everyone has a love language. How a man or a woman shows love and understands what expressed love should be. This is more like a group of blind men touching an elephant at different spots and each giving his description of what an elephant is. Naturally, each person will have a differing opinion. That is how we all see love. Different opinions all together. None right, none necessarily wrong. This difference in understanding what love is can lead to conflict. This is where emotional intelligence comes in.

A partner with emotional intelligence and depth makes you feel seen, heard and acknowledged. Your feelings are validated, your fears are assuaged and your efforts are appreciated. You are not working nor walking alone. The weight of the relationship is equally shared. That way, the relationship or marriage doesn’t drain you but rather refreshes you as often as you need it. This presupposes that you are an emotionally intelligent partner yourself because in the end only the deep can call out to the deep.

Too many marriages, too many relationships are stuck in conflict mode because either or both partners have failed to improve on their level of emotional intelligence. When the butterflies stop flying, the honeymoon phase has faded and it is time for continuous work and effort to keep the relationship going, having an emotionally intelligent spouse or partner often helps. This way you don’t feel alone, unheard and unseen in a marriage/relationship. You don’t keep bearing the weight of sustaining the union alone. You are being met halfway and what a difference this makes.

The good thing is that this is a skill that can be developed and improved on. It makes relationships at home better and we come off as better individuals. Being intentional in actions, in speech and display of affection towards our spouses or partners is a good way to begin. It doesn’t happen overnight though but that intentionality helps us manage our own emotions, increase our self-awareness, develop empathy and better social skills. 

The best part? It increases self-worth and esteem and acts as a filter against people who have no business in our lives.