Hmmmmmm.....
OUT OF LOVE WITH SPOUSE
My marriage will be 8 years on February, 25, 2026....but we have drifted apart, and haven’t had sxx in 5 years.
He doesn’t see it as anything but it bothers me and I have been so unhappy but I don’t want to end my marriage ....
I know I don’t love him anymore, but I want to stay for the kids, I feel good letting it out. This is not the type of marriage I envisioned myself to be in. I’m a lover girl and I don’t know how I got here.
It is OK to feel this way and you can stay as long as both parties are OK...I hear that after a while marriage begins to feel like siblinghood and you fall out of love and then love your partner as if they are your sibling...That's also OK as long as violence is not involved...My dear NOTHING DEY FOR STREET!!!
Your marriage is still too young to experience this kind of thing,
ReplyDeletelike, u guys had sex only for three years.
Well, take Stella advice, truly nothing dey street
Be strong
DeleteWe underestimate emotional stability in marriage so much ! The posters mental health is gradually eroding and we want her to stay and endure because nothing dey street, a real lie to keep women in emotionally abusive marriages ! Sometimes something dey street , peace of mind dey street ! Imagine being in the same house , room with a man for 5yrs and having zero emotional connection or support with the man you’re supposed to do life with ? A lover girl for that matter ? Pure torture! Sorry girl , this ain’t ok
ReplyDeleteAnd street ain’t that bad !
She said she wants to stay
DeleteNobody is asking her to stay
She said she wants to stay
Comprehension isn’t a gift it’s a skill
Go get some
Who are the ‘we’ that want her to stay? Abi u didnt read where she specifically said that she doesn’t want to leave? So the owner of the marriage is telling u categorically that she goes nowhere, she wants to remain, and u want somebody to tell her to leave? Well, may be u can do it on our behalf.
DeleteNOTHING DEY STREET O
ReplyDeletePlenty things dey street. But you won’t see it/them cos you’re too scared. Even if you don’t see any fish in the ocean, be your own fish.
DeleteShe wants to stay that’s fine. Just correcting your statement.
This life no just balance at all. Some are 'kabashing' to get married while others are married and want out.
ReplyDeleteMy own perspective as a man, with responsibilities and scarce resources responsible men tends to lose their sexual appetite. And some underlying health issues can cause erectile dysfunction which can make some men to avoid sex because of embrassment. But the best way to really overcome most of the issues in relationship is honest conversation and empathy and both parties has to be intentional about it.
ReplyDeleteAll solid points, but there are many ways to express intimacy. Being unmotivated and unwilling to try other possibilities is the problem. Starving your spouse seckually is an offence in the marriage, because seck is the one thing they are forbidden from doing with anyone else. So none of these points is an excuse enough in an eight year old marriage.
DeleteThose with physical disabilities have to learn intimacy according to their physical capacity. If his dyck is dead then he should learn how to express intimacy in other ways, and if he has signed off seck completely and has no future interest in it, then openly tell his wife so she is aware without having this big elephant in the room that nobody is addressing and everyone is skirting around.
Could never be me though, he would have to open his mouth and tell me why it ain’t happening and give me the freedom to go get it elsewhere. I ain’t playing no roommate in marriage. Walking around with one old dried up punany and acting like all is well. Even if he’s 90 with no teeth and using a walking stick he better stroke this kitty when it purrs.
You see all that Stella wrote up there? They are all big NOs. Stella, pardon me but what you wrote is called coping mechanism in psychotherapy/psychology and it is a dangerous path to toe.
ReplyDeletePoster you are not staying because of your children, that is a lie you are telling yourself in order to mask the big issue. You are staying because you are afraid of the unknown and staying feels safer. Please don't put it in your innocence children.
I am not saying leave your Marriage, I'm telling you to face what is staring you in the face squarely and decide if you want to stay or not. If you can afford a counsellor it's time you do. Note I'm not saying your pastor or people who have been married for long. I'm saying a trained licensed Marriage counsellor.
If you cannot, take a pen and paper and ask yourself deep questions. What are your goals for Marriage? What home do you want your children to grow in? What are your future plans? Does your current situation pose a risk to you or your children wellbeing? Is your kind of home the example of Marriage you want to model for your children? Are you willing to work on your Marriage? Is the marriage worth saving? Are you still attracted to your husband? Is he still attracted to you? What steps can both of you take to work on your marriage? Etc.
Both you and your husband should answer these questions sincerely. No fight, no arguments, just talks and listening to each other deeply with commitment not to judge.
After that, you can take the decision of what's next for your Marriage.
Thank you. You mirror my sentiments exactly 💯
DeleteI hope he is not getting it outside?? Some men deny there wives sex when someone else catches their fancy.
ReplyDeleteOr just maybe he is sick and doesn't want to infect her.
DeleteOr maybe he is sick and doesn't want to infect her
DeletePoster,the phase of marriage,you're going through now,requires loads of patience and prayers. Immediately you guys crosses the 10th. You will find balance and resolution. Try and also look at the bright side of your union.
ReplyDeleteMy don’t listen to nothing “dey street “ because nothing dey for your house ooo. You are just a nanny now, you are going to realize it when your kids grow up and leave your house. How can you be married and have not had sex for 5years. That’s not marriage
ReplyDeleteImagine the effrontery! Five whole years he’s had that woman playing roommate with him and cannot even have the dignity to address the issue. Not made one attempt to approach intimacy differently if things are weak downstairs, just have her there as figurine in the house. And she steaming in anger silently feeling the ultimate rejection but staying for the children and not speaking up herself. Why marry a man you fear speaking openly with about anything?
DeleteIt is only normal to have a seckless and intimacy-free marriage when both parties agree on it. Outside of a conscious choice by both parties, it is completely abnormal, medicine and psychology both classify it as such.
Stella, that siblinghood stuff is not for 3 years old marriages.
ReplyDeleteSomething happened to the Poster's marriage from the inside or from the outside or before it begun, but surfaced during the first 3 years.
There is or was an issue not dealt with properly by the both parties or by one of them - the husband or the wife.
Experience shows that the shorter the chronicle the longer the story.
Until the full story, this is to say siblinghood marriages is about some long running marriages. Even so, such spouses still recognise themselves as spouses doing spouse stuff but bonded as good relating siblings.
This is not normal at Poster;I’m not a believer that there is nothing out there,because till today my own mum after how many years of marriage still has only nothing but good stories and fond memories to say about my Dad to us and anyone out there;even though he is late now..
ReplyDeleteYou can tell from the way she blushes that she can sacrifice anything to have him back..
There is something fundamentally wrong in your marriage,it could be lack of finances;or your husband is out of love with you(reasons best known to him) or many other reasons.
It is not normal that a man with a functioning pen*s would stay even one month without touching a woman he loves so much,when he is not gay???
If he isn’t getting it from you;and finances are moderate or okay;plus he has no challenging health issue like erectile malfunction or the likes;then he is getting it from some other lady;and that lady isn’t you..
Lack of intimacy is not and never normal for an eight years marriage or even 15 years marriage;and you both deserve to be happy separately than this coping mechanism you are both exhibiting.
As you want to stay because of your kids;also note that you are also someone else’s child and deserve to be happy..
There would be a point where you would endure so much and when you finally burst everything out;your mental health would be at stake because it has exhausted its limit.
Once again;this is not normal neither does it depict how a happy marriage or a stable home for kids should be.
I wish you all the best as you decide what’s best for you.
@MARTINS
Gbamsolutely 👌
DeleteHe is definitely seeing someone else
DeleteTake heart.And move on.Love can find you again.
ReplyDeleteHe lied to you
ReplyDeleteHe knew he wanted swxlesss marriage
Run run run
Hello Poster,
ReplyDeleteI can hear how much this hurts. But your account leaves gaps that matter. Has there been a history of conflict between you? Has he always been distant physically, or is this a change? When you raise intimacy, does he avoid the conversation? Does he show affection in other ways? And practically speaking, do you know whether he is sexually functional but avoiding intercourse?
What you seem to be grieving is not just sex. It is the feeling of being wanted. Being chosen. Being seen as a woman, not only a mother or a partner in running a home. Five years without physical intimacy is not a small thing. It quietly reshapes how you see yourself. It can dent confidence and make you question your desirability. Over time, that kind of rejection can harden into emotional distance. When you say, “I don’t love him anymore,” it may not be that love has vanished. It may be that it has been starved hurtfully.
The detail that stands out most is that he “doesn’t see it as anything.” That is heavier than low libido. It suggests disengagement or avoidance. A husband who values the bond would at least care that his wife has been unhappy for so long. Indifference weighs more than sexual difficulty.
Before assuming the worst, pause. Long sexual silence can stem from depression, shame, erectile problems, resentment, or a loss of connection. Some men avoid the subject because they feel exposed or inadequate. Avoidance can feel safer than repair. And then in that state of denial years pass.
But you also have responsibility for your own life. Staying “for the children” sounds noble, yet children absorb what they see. They learn what intimacy looks like from you and your husband. A home where one parent feels persistently unwanted is not neutral. So the question is not simply whether to leave. It is whether this marriage can be restored into something alive, not merely tolerated.
You need one clear, calm conversation. Not emotional. Not accusatory. Direct. Tell him plainly that five years without intimacy has affected you deeply. Ask whether he still desires you, emotionally and physically. Ask whether this is the marriage he wants. Then listen, not to explanations, but to willingness or unwillingness. Is he prepared to amend and rebuild intentionally?
If he minimises again, you are not in a temporary dry spell. You are in a settled pattern that is well structured. Then the decision becomes yours: can you live peacefully without physical intimacy? Some women can. Many cannot. There is no right answer, only an honest one.
Do not rush to leave. Do not resign yourself either. Seek clarity and plan well. It may hurt, but it restores dignity, allows room for nurturing and blooming.
5 years? Must be really frustrating. I think you can step out of the marriage briefly, maybe it will bring the spark back. I know someone who did it and it worked
ReplyDeleteYou mean you want to stay unhappy for the rest of your life because of your children, you and I know that that's a big lie you're telling yourself and also want people to believe, your fears are you don't want people to be calling you a divorcee or a single mother because of society insults, common you're still too young for that, if your husband isn't a gay or has medical conditions that is making him lose interest in sex, that means he's no longer attracted to you and he doesn't love you again, and he's getting it outside, divorce him and go outside, sometimes there are plenty things outside, some people get it right after their first failed marriage, if eventually there's nothing in the street for you, you don't lose because nothing is at home for you and there's no harm in trying.
ReplyDelete