Hmmmm.....
BROUHAHA OVER PREGNANCY
My wife and I have been married for eight years and we can’t seem to agree on having another kid and it's strained our relationship.
We have two children already. They are my whole world. I love being a dad, I love providing, I am a father to them in ways I didn't enjoy from my our father .
We have two children already. They are my whole world. I love being a dad, I love providing, I am a father to them in ways I didn't enjoy from my our father .
I am the one who volunteers for bedtime stories, who gets up early on Saturdays so my wife can sleep and rest properly, I actually enjoy the all the chaos of parenting them, getting them snacks constantly and finding shoes that have disappeared .....
BUT here's the problem, my wife seems less interested in motherhood unlike what we discussed before marriage and I'm very comfortable with it but I want a third child at least or even fourth if possible but my wife does not.
We used to talk about having “a big family” when we were dating, but after our second baby, something shifted for her. She loves our kids, but she says she feels done and uncertain about the future.
We used to talk about having “a big family” when we were dating, but after our second baby, something shifted for her. She loves our kids, but she says she feels done and uncertain about the future.
She now talks about getting her body done, having more time to herself, less stress and not starting over with diapers and sleepless nights. I hear her, and I respect and even admire all her pregnancy weight and curves. I love all she has been able to pour into our family physically and emotionally.
But I cannot shake this feeling that our family is not complete. When I dream of the future, I see three kids at least. I see another little one running around when the others are even grown. I also feel guilty because I know I am not the one who has to be pregnant, recover and do the hardest parts in the early months, even though I would do everything I can to support her.
Every time I bring it up, we end up in a tense conversation. She thinks I am not appreciating what we already have. I think she is shutting down a dream we once shared.
But I cannot shake this feeling that our family is not complete. When I dream of the future, I see three kids at least. I see another little one running around when the others are even grown. I also feel guilty because I know I am not the one who has to be pregnant, recover and do the hardest parts in the early months, even though I would do everything I can to support her.
Every time I bring it up, we end up in a tense conversation. She thinks I am not appreciating what we already have. I think she is shutting down a dream we once shared.
I do not want to pressure her or make her feel like an incubator, and I also do not want to silently resent her for the rest of our marriage. No one should tell me about adoption, it's not something I can mentally and emotionally accept.
I have already adopted the three kids my late sister left behind because her husband has been one irresponsible man, even though they stay with my mom. I even promised my wife a huge sum of money if she compromise for our family but she insisted on NO WAY.
How do you handle a difference? And ladies, that pregnancy curves you call fats you guys shed at all costs after delivery, sometimes we men absolutely love it.
You want her to go on one more pregnancy Journey and she has repeatedly said No and you are not hearing..what if she doesnt make it out?Cos sometimes our No may just be the lifesaver we need.
Please let this go- That pregnancy journey is NOT EASY at all!!!
Respect her decision. You already have 2 children, besides she alone knows what her body can handle.
ReplyDeleteRespect her decision but what about his feelings especially if they discussed this before marriage as posted said.
DeletePoster as hard and sad as this might sound for you, you will have to let that dream of a third or 4th child die permanently if your wife has absolutely refused to participate in that.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand where you're coming from, but like you said 'something shifted after your wife had your 2nd child'.
I used to think I'll have 3 kids too, but after my second, I just knew I dont want to ever deal with the stress and anxiety that comes with pregnancy, giving birth, post partum, and even long term care of more kids.
There are some experiences nothing and I mean absolutely nothing prepares you for until you have lived it, pregnancy and motherhood/fatherhood is one of such.
Your wife has reached the mental, emotional, psychological threshold and probably has no love left for an extra kid, would you rather she has an additional kid who she'd secretly resent?
On another thought, it sounds like your wife needs to see a therapist/psychologist, there are tell tales signs I'm worried about, she sounds heavily burdened (not physucally) maybe if she's in a better head space, she'll reconsider your proposition.
And finally, I beg you in the name of whatever you serve to not let resentment brew from your end towards her if you have to settle with the 2 kids you have, consider it could have been worse, what if you both were still battling with infertility or something and had 0 kids? You go kill yourself?
What I'm saying? Try to count your blessings in all of these, it sounds like you have found a good balance in your marriage (minus the child talks), I hope this does not cause a strain that breaks up your marriage, that will be much more worse.
You said it all. Pregnancy journey is not easy and when your intuition tells you to stop, best believe it. Same happened to my mom and she almost died. She survived by God's grace and shes still battling the effects of that Pregnancy after 36years.
DeleteSpot on
DeleteOga talk true… na male child you Dey find?
ReplyDeleteCause I don’t understand why you’d be disturbing her for a third or even fourth child when you already have 2!
Haba nau! Or use a surrogate if you can afford to. 😏
Some people just want a large family.
DeleteIts not always all about the sex of a baby .
I'm from a very large family and i want to have a large family too but it wouldn't be at the detriment of my health
There are other available options that could be explored.
Surrogacy won't work in this case, the wife does not want a third child, not just concern about pregnancy.
Deletesince you have offer her money because you feel money can buy life or women can give up their life just because of money and she said no, please allow her no to be no. She may not make it alive, alot of cases similar to yours and at the end when the man forces the woman because she want to please the man and displease herself, she end up no coming back home. The man will move on so quickly without looking back.
ReplyDeleteNever you force her on this please, is never an easy road for any woman and if she said she is not ready please give her some time till she feel the need to go that route. You can try to talk things over with her, is possible she heard or see some crazy experience that made her yo tell herself she is done with birthing new babies. God has blessed you with two children, you should take good care of them and allow your wife to enjoy herself.
You are a nice man with a nice persona but you are not a kind man. Being involved which you are is not the same as being committed like your wife and many mothers who literally are between life and death during pregnancy and childbirth . The second pregnancy clearly took a toll on your wife mentally, physically and emotionally and to tell you the truth I don't think she has recovered. I suspect there is a lot your wife is not telling you because you do not listen. You lost me when you said you offered her a huge amount of money to have a third child like she was a surrogate or prozzy! Yes you appear nice but you are not kind at all.
ReplyDeleteMtcheww you are extremely and highly annoying. Selfish human being. Why not go and carry the pregnancy?? You think it's easy?? Trying to gaslight her with what she said before marriage. I know your type, please shift abeg.
ReplyDeleteAs you love kids, one would think since you adopt your late sist children they would come live in your house. Why are they with your mother? Are you not the one clamouring for kids? If you lose your wife now, (God forbid) I don't even think it would take up to three months for you to move on. Sorry to say, you are displaying selfish tendencies. Your write up says it all, and I don't believe the love you put out here about your children. It is Loriro. A case of one addicted to pornography doing Mary Amaka. Every child is your child. If you really love children and want to have more kids, show it in how you behave towards other children starting with the one of your own sister. Bring them to your own house and still have that big family you have always wanted. If you think your excuses for not wanting to bring them is valid, your wife excuses for not wanting more children is valid too.
ReplyDeleteYou see this one talk true true oh, poster why not try bringing those 3 kids to come live with you since you're already financially responsible for them, see if you will still maintain this energy of wanting more kids.
DeleteStop manipulating your wife about how many children she agreed on before she experience the labour room. It's her body, her choice. What would you have done if the 2 kids didn't come at all? You sound selfish and insensitive. Would you rather you see the worse happen to her in the quest to satisfy you? Have some conscience this man.
ReplyDeletePoster ,your wife wants to enjoy baby girl life by doing BBL and getting a soft life afterwards.
ReplyDeleteShe doesn't have health issues or previous complications that made her disagree with another child.
She is not interested in motherhood,period..
You can't force her to compromise.
Maybe,she can support you to get another lady pregnant to fulfil your dreams.
She is done ✅ .
Mr Poster,
ReplyDeleteyou won't understand, I have 3 Kids and I DON'T EVER want to go that road again. As I dey now, I no get any love to give any extra pikin. You already have your sister's kids, please use am hold body.
* I have a feeling you may end up getting the extra children from side chick, because why so persistent?
Maybe she's afraid of the future, if something were to happen, I guess she's sure that she can take care of the two kids properly without stress.
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeleteIf the pregnancy journey is why she's saying no, try discussing having more kids via surrogacy or adoption with her.
She might be open to the other options, still gets the body she wants done, and you get the kids you want.
Thankfully, you're a very hands on parent.
Cheers!
All your wife have outlined are very critical to her well being. Have you asked her what her experience was like when something shifted in her? If you still fancy having more children, and you have the money, can you discuss surrogacy with her and see what her feeling is concerning it? My brother, pregnancy and childbirth are experiences only lived by the women who have been through them. It is good to have personal choice, but remember, it must not be at the detriment of another, especially the one that involves one's health.
ReplyDeleteBirthing a child is both spiritual, physical, psychological and otherwise for a woman. And only a woman who has tread that path once knows the truth about that journey between life and death prior and after. A normal woman will welcome the idea of another baby. But if you carefully observed that something shifted in your wife, please just leave her alone, respect and support her. Only her knows why she does not want to travel that path again, only her knows. Respect her wish and don't force her. Focus your mind on other things and understand that a woman is in your life as your wife and life partner for many more strategic reasons other than child bearing and rearing. In this age and time, a woman has a mind of her own with dreams and aspirations as a human being and an adult. That age where women live solely for marriage, breeding and the wishes of the man is gone and even in the rural areas, women are beginning to desire more for themselves. Forcing her or cheating may lead to chaos rather than the joys of the future you envisage. Better still, explore surrogacy if not adoption. Whatever it is, just let that your wife be for now. Who knows, God may touch and reset her mind when you least expect. And in today's world, it is quality over quantity.
ReplyDeletePoster,please if you guys already have both sexes. Focus on them. Raising kids in this dangerous world is more than being a loving father and supportive husband.
ReplyDeleteKindly write her a letter, expressing all this... In the most lovely and convincing way possible. If she still refuses, find out her fears... If it can't be tackled, go for surrogacy.
ReplyDeleteIt will be your spe.m and her eggs. 💯 Your child Just that someone else will be the carrier. Use a professional agency So no ties at all to the surrogate. She won't know you and vice Versa. Afterwards, get nurses standby to nurse the baby, while your wife gradually warms up to the responsibility
You still haven't said what you did to her. All these I you read bed time stories blah blah. I sense she isn't telling you what you did to her cause you won't listen
ReplyDeleteYou got the point, lol
DeletePregnancy, postpartum, toddler stage is a whole lot. Give your wife some grace
ReplyDeleteWhy not consider surrogacy if you must have more kids? Discuss this option with your wife she might consider it.
ReplyDeleteI used to think I would have four kids. After my second, I told myself that I'm done. I wish men knew how much pregnancy takes from women. It's very draining
ReplyDeleteYou think it is all about pregnancy curves. Lol. This man is not serious at all.
ReplyDeleteAnd me like pregnancy because my libido is through the roof then . I enjoy sex like kilode during my journey.
ReplyDeleteLet me put it bluntly. If you die suddenly and leave her alone with those kids, have you thought about how she will cope,
ReplyDeleteDeal with your selfishness sir and let her handle her own.
And better guard your heart because that desire for another child may soon turn you into a polygamist.
Grow man!
Truth be told, either she lied to you to secure the marriage or she changed. Someone who truly wanted lots of children would not let anything stop the pursuit of that save a life or death issue. As you have not stated any looming health issue and her desire to pursue plastic surgery, I can only assume that she was never interested in having many children in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI think you love babies and children when they are really young. Either bring your sister’s children into the home to live with you or get a puppy that you can grow and train.
There's nothing prayer cannot do. Just be consistent in the request to God and he will one day answer your prayers. Don't stress yourself begging her. She'll be the one to ask you for it by herself by the time God answers your prayers.
ReplyDeleteIf parenting was only by providing reading bedtime stories and waking up early on saturday, i would have twenty.
ReplyDeleteI fking dare you to swap chores with her for a month. You go run comot foe house. Foolish man.
Please poster, listen to your wife. I wanted 3 children until I had my second child. In the labour room I made up my mind not to try for the third. It was a horrific delivery for me both physically and mentally. Thank God hubby is on the same page as he knows I cannot cope with a third child. Pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, weaning and nurturing is hard. Please dont compare your fatherly role to a motherly role, it is very different.
ReplyDeleteUse a surrogate oga. What if it's her spirit trying to warn her towards something dangerous. Give her time, have a deep conversation with her and take time to ask her " How are you"
ReplyDeletePoster,I know everyone has spoken and quite maturely at that, but let me add this- you see that money you offered her? You goofed big time. I have 3 kids and there is NOTHING anybody on earth can do to get me back into the labour ward. Like you said,wetin I use my eyes see for my last child who is 6 yrs now,by the way,I would never willingly go through that again. So PLEASE, listen to her NO and love her like that.
ReplyDeleteIf it would be any consolation bring in your late sister's kids. 5 little humans running around will definitely quench your thirst for more kids.
Shalom!
Fierce💅
Hmmm, poster, I understand where you are coming from. However, the weight of carrying and nuturing a pregnancy can be hard for women. Yes, you do chores in the house but I tell you, it's not the same as carrying the baby yourself. IT IS A LOT!!!
ReplyDeleteLet me ask you this questiin, what if she goes in for a third but doesn't make it? Would you be able to forgive yourself? Or would you be able to care for the children as she would? If it happens, you go still marry another wife wey go maltreat your precious gifts. Let her be alive to care for you all.