ADVICE NEEDED
I am a woman in my early forties, a public servant, and doing fairly well for myself. I currently live in my own house and also own a small property that I rent out.
A widower has asked for my hand in marriage. He has two children and is currently struggling financially.
A widower has asked for my hand in marriage. He has two children and is currently struggling financially.
He is a businessman, but to be honest, his shop has less than ₦500,000 worth of goods. He is living in a “face-me-I-face-you” one bedroom apartment in the outskirts of the town where we live.
There is a lot of pressure from my family for me to get married, but I am worried about his financial situation. Marrying him would likely mean taking full responsibility for the family, asking them to move into my house and possibly giving him money to restock his shop.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? I would really appreciate your advice..
At this stage you want to start being someone's ATM?...Marrying him will bring stress and pressure into your life..This wont be answered prayer for a spouse oh!!!
Please dont do it this kind burden comes with consequences.....Don't run into marriage cos anyone is chasing you in, nah you go run out again.....
Stop looking at your age or counting and live your live abeg you...Is Marriage by force in these modern times?Nah!!!!
Omo do not try it. Don't marry him. It won't be palatable at all. Wahala looming pro max. Wait you will get better suitor. I married in my 40s too, and na better man came my way. He's financially and emotional responsible. I gave birth at that age too, don't fear. I have twins. Don't bow to pressure. Please.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your experience. May God bess you and may your home be forever happy. Amen!!!!!!!
DeleteEmpower women, you kill the society, empower men society flourish. No flesh of empathy on women body. They find it so difficult to help. If you offer help to a man and he later disappoint you, so what. People get disappointed every day, life goes on.
DeleteMen will marry you, your 4 kids, your family liability no complain. Let flip the coin, they look for all the excuses in the world not to do it.
It's very hard to see a woman who married down and is happy. There is soooo much wickedness in today's world that I would absolutely not recommend this marriage except if you have a DEFINITE GO-AHEAD FROM GOD.
Delete20:15 Your generation can marry down that's fine.
DeleteThis woman, at your age, you had better not think it, otherwise you will live to regret it.
You are not a kid that anybody should be pressuring.
You see this man? This very one… DO NOT MARRY him. Don’t do it.
DeleteFor your own peace. You think you’re being pressured to marry right? When you marry this man, you’ll feel the one that’s worse than pressure. Don’t do it.
Be calm… a better man will come.
Sister run, the man wants a financial load carrier ,not a wife. The man should focus on his kids and business. Don't let pressure and desperation push you into an unequivocally yoked marriage. If you try it, you will regret it!
ReplyDeleteDo what is your mind. You have brought him here to be insulted. Another men bashing post activated.
DeletePlease don’t do it!!
ReplyDeleteWe lost our beloved friend and doctor last year on the 1st of March, she married this kind of man you described and he made sure he alienated her from family, friends, colleagues, church members before she died. It was too late when help came, and as soon as she died , he quickly sold her properties before family members could comprehend what had happened to their daughter. She didn't have a child, so he just disappeared and all who loved her were left to deal with so many unanswered questions.
DeleteMen like this always go for women who have achieved so much, then they become insecure and start to guilt-trip the women. Poster please run.
Men stop marrying down or broke ladies. They are financial mistake and will drain you financially and mentally.
ReplyDeleteMen?
DeleteWill they read this?
Do they see beyond the length of their physical erection?
Is it not by marrying down and broke women a man is entitled as a "real man" and an "Odogwu"?
How many financially stable men have you seen marrying a broke 40 year old lady? You people can never say the truth.
DeleteAs if there are no younger laddies who married broke old men too
you better don't allow family members push you into what you cannot stand, tomorrow same family members will blame you when the marriage is showing you shege banza. Marry for a good reason and not because your family members are pressuring you into it.
ReplyDeleteIf you think you can build something with him for real, go ahead and marry him but if you feel you cannot just face front. Remember some people have money and when they get married, boom no more money while others have no penny but once they get married boom money everywhere. Make sure you are happy in any decision you take, you should come first before any family member or relationship.
See as sense magnet,glue and gum you...
DeleteImagine taking responsibility of the man and his two kids.
ReplyDeleteBe patience and prayerful, someone else will come your way.
Well said. Only a man is enslaved to marry a woman and inherit her previous marriage liability in addition to her family financial burden.
DeleteSo a man is considered intentional and real man if he marry a baby mama, but a woman that marry a baby daddy married liability.
DeleteWonders shall never end.
He’s not just a baby daddy he is also broke and looking for a woman to drain financially. He should go and hustle or better still look for a broke babymama that they will hustle together.
DeleteFan nwannem❤️
DeleteMadam no o! He will trouble you out! If you do court wedding, what is yours will be his o
ReplyDeleteDon'tsssss!!!! A friend of my mom's did exact same thing, spent her entire existence raising his kids and running the home with little or no appreciation or input from him.( she never had kids of her own) .She died from all the pressure and he gets to inherit all her property and gratuity!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, the situation that works for men doesn’t often work for women.
DeletePoster, you better don't accept it. If you do,all their responsibilities will be on you.
ReplyDeleteDo not marry him.
ReplyDeleteMoney matters most to you in marriage. He has failed the financial test. Congratulations on a successful courtship.
No matter what, you would not respect him in the marriage. Even if his financial status is changes without your help, you would not respect him. You would blackmail him for marrying him poor. Then he would begin to dislike you.
Never ever do a man, esp. a poorer man, a favour by marrying him. From what you are saying, if a man richer than you shows up to woo you (and they 95% always do for mischief mostly) immediately or soon after you marry this man, you would begin to see him as bad luck bringer, disrespect him, and or likely cheat on him.
The way you monetized his entire worth and liability made me laugh. But it tells a lot about who you are. Please you have the right to be you.
Money is not everything, but the lack of it is (copied). So let the man be. Particularly as there is no guarantee that a poor man makes a better husband while it is certainly better to cry in a solid duplex or a real mansion with a bad husband.
And see comments above. LOL.
Dis funny and very nearly phony arrangement called marriage sef na wa!
You guys should not forget to teach your sons that there is no love in marriage, and that it is a transactional arrangement.
Hehehehehe
Before me laff forget or finish my data, na man write dis.
Cry in solid duplex na dem. This gender till got alot to learn. They got sons, friends and brothers. What are telling them boys to look up the scale. Na so one come say every man should have a car. As in they carry car go heaven
DeleteWhen you should be enjoying your life you want to shoulder unnecessary wahala. I pity you !!!
ReplyDeleteSo you think bowing to their pressure is your best kick?? Think again Sis .
This comment just did it for me in a good summary.
DeleteDon't even look his side, he will use you as nanny for his children, caregiver, cook, housemaid and ATM for himself and the children and still be demanding respect as the so called head of house, they will even be the one to join you at your house, I pray he will not even sell your house without your consent, he should build himself first and focus on his children or better still, look for his level, shoe get size.
ReplyDeleteNne thank you for writing my mind.
DeleteAs he reach MEN turn . Cho cho don't marry him. Understanding wife na poor man wife. You guys fail to understand these men could be your sons, brothers and uncles. Poster does he have the drive to succeed and has he got potential to follow through on becoming successful. Is he sincere enough.
ReplyDeleteI am in my late 40s and met a widower with 3 children two years ago.He is also in his 40s, stays in a 2 bedroom and drives an SUV.One of the reasons I quietly left the relationship was because he was always complaining of money.I spent my youth building with men and spending my money but they will leave me and marry someone else after GOD had blessed them.I have not been in a committed relationship for 9 years and counting. I have chosen myself and always glowing. Even my Father in Heaven will be angry with me if I decide to build with any man at this age because of the shege banzai I don witness with my stupid mentality of being Bob the builder.My advice is that you should choose yourself and be happy.Do not allow anyone to put you under undue pressure.Wait for the right man.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster,don't you pity yourself,you want to do free charity for a man and his two kids,for a piece of aboki ring and some vows that won't pass the ceiling of any building, please receive sense in Jesus Name,Amen.
ReplyDeleteNooooo, please don't do it.
ReplyDeletePoster if you want to build with him and you can stand with the baggage please proceed. But first let me ask you
ReplyDeleteDo you love him?
Do you find him attractive?
Do you mind about the kids moving in?
If all these are settled in you mind.
Please ask guidance from The Holy Spirit not us.
Take your time don't be pressured.
If you want to dye well before your time, go ahead.
ReplyDeleteWhy the man no go find woman with kids to marry wey dey live for face me I face you?
The same way men don't want to marry women with kids, women should avoid men with baggage.
I promise you, SUFFER will be your middle name. Step children go show you shege, the man's family go show their own, forget smile wey dem dey smile with you now. The man's ego go give your head different shape. If you talk pim for that house, dem go say nsa because you get money. Bp and insomnia go be like candy for your mouth.
Go and marry him o, I know say Nigerian woman fit marry plastic dustbin to answer Mrs.
Small pikin at 40 wey dem dey 'pressure'. Yimu.
Nne biko take it easy😂😂😂
DeletePoster, will you be patient enough to build with him? Do you love him enough to make the sacrifices? If the answer is yes, then go ahead and marry him.
ReplyDeleteI won’t say no right away
ReplyDeleteYou say he is currently struggling
Was there a time he wasn’t struggling
Is this a temporary set back
Is he nice to you in a way that makes you feel it’s only to get you to say yes
How old are the children? Do they like you
Do u like him?
Pray about it and go with it if you like
Please look elsewhere. Marriage is not poverty alleviation for both genders.
ReplyDeleteIf you are in doubt then don’t do it. When it comes to marriage you have to be at a place where you are without doubts and worries and know unequivocally that this is the person for you.
ReplyDeleteJust because your family is stressing you doesn’t mean you go and take up the first offer you get, especially when it is not the situation you desire. You are not used to a full house and you may desire to marry someone who is childless like you so that you can both experience the joys of parenthood at the same time.
Consider that the man too is looking at the benefit to him, automatic mother for the children, a wife and ease in finances. You may not even be a love match for him, just someone who can make life easier. Marriages for security without any love on the table many times leave both parties feeling empty. On the surface it does not appear to be an ideal situation, but only God can see the future , so pray long and hard on it.
Do you think that the man loves you? Ask him what he has seen in you that made him seek for your hand in marriage. It will be interesting for you to know what killed his wife. The truth is that if his business cannot reasonably provide for his family, then his proposal is a calculated move- an escape from poverty through marriage to the well-to-do. Many women have been doing that in history, but then, the man is supposed to provide for his family and not the other way round. If you are convinced that HE DOES NOT CHERISH YOUR PERSON- YOUR CHARACTER, PLEASE DECLINE THE PROPOSAL.
ReplyDeleteI am glad a man wrote this
DeleteDon't be desperate to marry.
ReplyDeleteYour family are showing their concern in their own way, but they are not the ones to live with him.
ReplyDeletePoster, you're in your early forties. Please trust God and don't carry this burden on yourself. Live your life and enjoy the fruits of your labour. A good man that is doing well will come along.
ReplyDeleteDon't do this.Don't let anyone pressure you into that kind of marriage.lf you can't find a man that's meet up financially.Have a child and take care of both of you That man want s to bring you down to Zero.
ReplyDeleteIt's not worth it. Keep praying for your husband.
ReplyDeletePoster you don't have peace about this. Just face front!
ReplyDeleteYou never see husband ooo. Face front age is just a number.
ReplyDeleteIf you feel he's genuine, then I don't see any problem with it to be very honest. Why don't you both seek counseling. I'm sure it will reveal a lot. All the best
ReplyDeleteThe man should be focused on building himself and building wealth at this stage of his life not looking for a woman to marry after marrying before and having 2 kids. What is he still looking for inside marriage again. Poster, the man is lazy and is looking for a desperate well to do woman to carry his burden. Don't marry this man. Please stay single and be happy until you find a man that has built himself up as you have built yourself up. You're already not happy with his situation and your frustration will multiply when you marry him. Marriage is not easy when the man you're marrying has children which is alot and on top of it, he doesn't have money. My sister run oo. I'm also in my early 40's and waiting for the right man that is doing well. While I wait, am hustling to be financially prosperous and stable to take up whatever expenses i'll have in the future. It's better to be single and happy than to be married and miserable. I know it's not easy when you see your mates married with grown up children and you want to have kids too. Don't worry, when you close this door, a better door will open for you soonest. Jesus never fails.
ReplyDeleteGbam!!!
DeleteA man who cannot stock up his shop and already has two children wants to take on the additional responsibilities of marriage. Lol.com.ng.
Hehehehehe, mama think say say na potential don come, na principalities you dey see o korokoro. Carry on.
We will be here to read your chronicles and revelation.
My friend married a man like this. Brought him and his two sons to the abroad. By the time they finished with her she was lucky to be alive. The two sons are graduates, lived at home till they were 30 and reconciled with the mother who abandoned them as children. We even had to stage an intervention and rescue my friend from a psychiatric ward. Hmm. Please do not try it o. Men like that are never grateful. They will ALWAYS resent you.
ReplyDeleteSee all the 'men' crawling out like centipedes on the walls of damp toilets.
ReplyDeleteOn Baba Ijesha's post all of them where struck with mouth paralysis.
Anywhere they see where they can leach off women and still lord it over them, there they appear with their scaly skin and bad breath.
Madam Poster you better flee.
Love is blind but marriage is an eye opener. Are you marrying for your family? Never compromise compatibility because of unethical pressure. That's my word I hope it's enough to make you wise
ReplyDelete