This lady is a senior lawyer and stays in the quarters above me. She is a two time divorcee so I guess that sort of colours her worldview. She seems to be doing well for herself however so I am torn to bits trying to make meaning of her actions and behavior. This lady has insisted on bypassing her meter and has never recharged it since it got installed.
Severally, AEDC staff have come to make issues with her but since I have a bit of a good relationship with them, I was able to get them to waive it off. Little did I know I was digging a hole for myself.
A new set of staff got posted to our area and they went round carrying out a verification exercise. Apparently, they’d heard reports about her so didn’t even bother entering our compound. The entire house got disconnected from the pole.
I had no knowledge of that and assumed our not having power was just a phase issue from the transformer. That was until this lady came banging on the window around 3am. She had given me over 9 missed calls that early morn but I keep my phone on silent mostly.
Her hard taps on my window jolted me awake. I suppressed my rage and listened to her vituperations patiently. She was threatening to sue AEDC for the disconnection. Na you bypass meter and yet you dey threaten lawsuit. No be winch be dat?
The next morning, I went to AEDC office and was told that an order came for our house to be disconnected. I had to plead with them and paid money for my own power to be restored since I hadn’t bypassed my meter.
The next morning, I went to AEDC office and was told that an order came for our house to be disconnected. I had to plead with them and paid money for my own power to be restored since I hadn’t bypassed my meter.
The lawyer was left in darkness. Over the next few weeks, she went round telling everyone who could listen that I brought AEDC staff to disconnect her. Innocently and not knowing what she was telling the community, I offered to speak to the area manager on her behalf and that was when he told me that the lawyer was threatening to sue them and join me as a party to the case.
I had had enough.
I immediately called her and told her I would be writing a whistleblower report to the AEDC head office and would also send a complaint to the Nigerian Bar Association. She blew hot and dared me to do my worst. Not one for long talk, I quietly sent her a video I had made documenting how long she had been on bypass and recordings of her threatening AEDC staff. She wanted a war?
I like nothing better than rolling in the dirt when the occasion demands. Seeing the weight of evidence I had, she sent emissaries to plead with me to forgive her. I walked them out.
Forgiveness is never the issue. Don't put me in a position to even consider it. Don't turn people into weapons against themselves. Don't use their good naturedness against me.
Forgiveness is never the issue. Don't put me in a position to even consider it. Don't turn people into weapons against themselves. Don't use their good naturedness against me.
Forgiving you is not the issue. The issue is the relationship can never remain the same. This is the fundamental thing. Behind every act that needs to be forgiven, precedes a betrayal of trust and respect.
Most people fail to understand what it is that binds friends or relationships together. Trust and mutual respect. This is the singular most effective way to show value and appreciation for who someone is as a person and how well you regard them. Nothing should tamper with that. Let's be real. If I hadn't gotten to know she was threatening to sue and I had evidence backing up my position, would she have asked for forgiveness? Certainly not!
Humans can be difficult admittedly. They cross boundaries and then shy away from consequences when they find out they are wrong and then they expect you to be the bigger person. Sure we can choose to forgive but keeping them at arms length and relating from a distance is how such people should be handled in the future.
Peace of mind above everything else.
Hmmm your writeup took me down memory lane...You are so right when you saying forgiving is not the problem,its the friendship not remaining the same....
In your own case, the woman sounds troublesome and as she dey beg for one na so she go dey do you another one oh....Use sense in dealing with her...
That woman is a trouble maker and a nut case. Be careful with her.
ReplyDeleteThe chicken came home to roost. What were you expecting to happen? It was never going to end well.
ReplyDeleteYou aided and abetted a wrongdoing so I don't understand your indignation. Please do better going forward!
Exactly.
DeleteSo annoying
ReplyDeletePls don’t report her to bar
Let’s not joke with her livelihood
But sorry
@DOGgedity I genuinely respect your column. I know that the situation with your neighbour was upsetting. Still, when writing about someone, it helps to leave out personal jabs that don’t relate to the issue - like her divorce history. It weakens the argument and shifts the focus.
ReplyDeleteOn the actual matter, entitlement can be a real blind spot for some professionals. Bypassing her meter wasn’t an accident. It was a conscious decision - very deliberate. And when it backfired, she looked for somewhere to redirect the impact. You were simply the most accessible target. Which was a deliberate act of self-preservation, it wasn’t emotional distress.
People who exploit systems often handle relationships the same way. Kindness becomes access. Access becomes leverage. When they’re confronted, the sequence is predictable - first pressure, then intimidation, then appeals for sympathy. It’s rarely random. The pattern is consistent and deliberate in most cases.
You were absolutely right about one thing though: this has nothing to do with forgiveness but trust. Once someone is willing to risk your name to cover their own actions, the dynamic changes permanently. Pretending it hasn’t would be careless.
Being the “bigger person” doesn’t mean absorbing disrespect or manipulation. It means responding in proportion. You did that. You defended yourself with evidence, which was you setting a boundary and not being vindictive.
From here, distance is the wisest move. No retaliation. No emotional entanglement. Keep it civil, factual, and documented. Your peace of mind shouldn’t be a thing of sentiment - be strategic.
And truly - I enjoy reading your recurring articles.
One thing I have learnt in all my 43 years of living is that it's good to treat people how they treat you, so they can get to view their sh*tty behavior in real time. As long as I know I didn't start the problem, I have no qualms treating f**k ups as I deem fit.
ReplyDeleteDon't start none, won't be none.
Some neighbours are from hell. You shouldnt have assisted her from the start, she was up to no good.
ReplyDeleteGood you learnt your lessons 👍