STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BROTHER IN LAWS BEGGY BEGGY WIFE
Hubby likes to give money for snacks to his brother's kids. This usually happens after first service on Sundays. He has been doing this for quite a while. Whenever he's not around and couldn't attend church, I give them the money to buy.
Two Sundays ago, hubby and I were not in church. So last week Sunday, after the first service, the brother's kids came as usual to collect money for snacks. Hubby gave them.
The next thing I heard from their mom is "what of the money for the snacks we ate last Sunday when you were not around. We bought the snacks on credit. Give us money to pay for them too"
Hubby was like " you ate snacks on credit for another person to pay? This woman shamelessly said yes.
Hubby brought out more money to cover for the one they bought on credit.
The kids are his elder brother's children. The elder brother is not doing too badly. At least they can afford the basics. I felt bad that the wife was trying to take advantage of hubby's gesture. I mean, you were given money for snacks, instead of being grateful and contented, you demanded for more money to pay for the one you took on credit the previous week
The whole thing made me feel somehow. Aside from this incident, I've noticed the kids mom (my mate) is always asking hubby for money for one thing or the other. This is something I have never done to her husband. He will be happy to give me if I ask him but I can never bring myself to do that.
Sometime ago, our church brought ankara for the women to buy for a uniform. This lady didn't call me to ask if I was interested or not. She called hubby to ask for the money to pay for mine and hers as well.
I've ignored her constant requests for money from hubby and other money related matters but this time around, I had to speak to hubby. Told him that whenever she asks for money, he should give it to me to forward to her instead of giving her directly any time she asks. Maybe she will stop when she sees that she has to collect the money from me. I don't want to talk to her cos she's my senior mate, (hubby's elder brother's wife). She will feel insulted ....
Hubby was like " you ate snacks on credit for another person to pay? This woman shamelessly said yes.
Hubby brought out more money to cover for the one they bought on credit.
The kids are his elder brother's children. The elder brother is not doing too badly. At least they can afford the basics. I felt bad that the wife was trying to take advantage of hubby's gesture. I mean, you were given money for snacks, instead of being grateful and contented, you demanded for more money to pay for the one you took on credit the previous week
The whole thing made me feel somehow. Aside from this incident, I've noticed the kids mom (my mate) is always asking hubby for money for one thing or the other. This is something I have never done to her husband. He will be happy to give me if I ask him but I can never bring myself to do that.
Sometime ago, our church brought ankara for the women to buy for a uniform. This lady didn't call me to ask if I was interested or not. She called hubby to ask for the money to pay for mine and hers as well.
I've ignored her constant requests for money from hubby and other money related matters but this time around, I had to speak to hubby. Told him that whenever she asks for money, he should give it to me to forward to her instead of giving her directly any time she asks. Maybe she will stop when she sees that she has to collect the money from me. I don't want to talk to her cos she's my senior mate, (hubby's elder brother's wife). She will feel insulted ....
Seriously?????Did she force your hubby to bring out money from his pocket?Did she scam him? why dont you leave your husband to tackle her if he is tired of giving her? why do you want to insert yourself in the issue and cause problems?
You sound jealous and angry and you have no right to gaslight your husband into how he is reacting.....He tells you everything does not mean you should spread your wickedness in his family.....Honestly wives like you cause havoc in the family you are married into.....
I dont even have bad advice for you.....Leave that woman alone!!!
I hate people who abuse people’s benevolence! That’s what your cowife is doing!
ReplyDeleteDon’t sha involve yourself before they will turn it to mean you don’t want him helping his family
Stella your use of gaslighting no follow for this case. Nobody likes people taking unnecessary advantage of who they love. I think the woman should speak to her husband. The earlier this is nipped in the bud the better. He can give to the kids, but them taking on credit? Can't the lady buy her own Ankara or snacks for her kids? And most times such people can never return the favour if the tables turn. They are also raising entitled kids already always expecting snacks, even when their uncle is absent. Train your kids to be content not begy begy. I enjoyed watching the movie Behind the Scenes by Funke Akindele. Usually the people that collect the most are the most stingy and entitled.
Delete@Eka Joy
DeleteNo be small ooo
These kain people no dey fit extend their own benevolence yet they will happily take advantage of yours. I kuku like how Poster wan handle her. Nonsense.
Stellz, this ur red pen no follow my sister..check am naa..e be as e get..@eka joy, annon 16:14, 22:17 ..on point 10/10✓
DeleteHuh!!!! "We bought the snacks on credit". She is shameless, and your husband is enabling her. What audacity.
ReplyDeleteYou want to foolishly cause problems for your self in that family.
ReplyDeleteShe's protecting her man
DeleteStella your red pen is terrible. Why would you support such greed and lack of contentment on the part of the in-law, and then turn around to reprimand the poster
ReplyDeletePoster no mind Stella , I don’t know the frame of mind she usually is in when she makes some of these her comments
SUPPORTED @15:33
DeleteThis Sunday, as your husband hands over money to her, forcefully snatch it from his hand
Turn to your Senior mate (aka Co-wife, Sister-in-law, etc.)
Ask her in love with a smiling voice: Nwanyi Nne, why don't you go ask your husband for snack money, did he not follow you come church?
If her husband cannot control his home and your co-wife, please help them control themselves.
What her co-wives for if they cannot help themselves to behave well.
The man wey say a learned person solves problems; a wise person avoids them talk empty turenchi.
Agwu wife! Two hands in the air for you
Please do not forget to come back with update after one month
#TheOfficiousYimu-nitte
Anon 15.33
DeleteYou see am, bah?
Stella contradicting herself abi her advice.
Lol
ReplyDeleteYou just want to create problems where there is none..
Is Ur hubby complaining?those are also his kids and u don't know the relationship they have before you came,she ask for money for Ur unform and hers,she hasn't done anything wrong madam..
Face your marriage, allow children to play with their uncle..
@ Mrs Sharon, she didn't do anything wrong in asking her hubby to pay for her cloth? Like really !!
DeleteGoing over her to do that is very very wrong. I am the first wife, I will not do that to my junior co- wives. And I will not tolerate that from any of them either. That's highly disrespectful.
This your advice is too harsh on the poster na @Stella.
ReplyDeletePoster, please talk to your husband, let him know you're not totally comfortable with the way your co-wife demands money from him, it's not proper, that should be done by his brother not the wife.
I am sure the husband (elder brother) may not be aware of the nonsense going on.
Bv God's Favor (formerly Anne K)
Poster, your hubby is the type that doesn't know how to say know even when it's inconvenient for them. There are people like that. My dad is like that. He doesn't know how to tell you 'NO' outrightly. You should come in and do the work for him. You don't need to be rude to the woman before you can pass a message to her. Do everything stylishly. I buy the idea of your husband giving you the money to had it over to the woman directly. Also, your husband should sometimes direct her to meet you for money anytime she asks him for money. By the time she collects money from your hand up to 10times she will have common sense .
ReplyDeleteYou are a very petty person. The next thing now you will say she is trying to collect your husband. Causing problem where there is none.
ReplyDeleteSome of you are really annoying. Will you accept that if you were in her shoes?
DeleteShe's becoming entitled and that's irritating.
Poster, I agree with your idea, go ahead with it. Put a stop to it.
Tufiakwa una. My husbands friends were like this when I met him . He was single and anytime they hang out, he would pay for everything , including their kids, Nannie’s and family members. Then he will come and complain to me. I helped him nip all that in the bud. Their friendship ended once he started telling them he was broke or didn’t come out with his card. Better to have no friends than to have leeches around you. Handle it with care though. And with wisdom, but yes help him break it. What effrontery to call your husband and demand for money without discussing with you first. Even if she senior you with tenn years sef, she can’t do that.
DeleteStella, leave which woman alone? Greedy woman that is not content with what her husband gives her and is disturbing another person's husband? This your red pen no follow abeg. Poster is not stopping her husband from giving which is very noble of her. As a woman, it's even disrespectful to your husband asking another man money. What impression are you giving people? That your husband is not taking care of you? Poster you sound like a sensible woman. I like the way you're handling this matter.
ReplyDeleteStella, leave which woman alone? Greedy woman that is not content with what her husband gives her and is disturbing another person's husband? This your red pen no follow abeg. Poster is not stopping her husband from giving which is very noble of her. As a woman, it's even disrespectful to your husband asking another man money. What impression are you giving people? That your husband is not taking care of you? Poster you sound like a sensible woman. I like the way you're handling this matter.
ReplyDeleteYour type enters a peaceful and loving home then turn it into a war zone. Did your husband complain to you? Don't turn your husband against his newphews and nieces with the way you are going. How much is snack? If if we dig very well now, those kids father probably paid your husband's school fees for him become a husband material for you to marry.
ReplyDeleteExactly! Most times we women don’t understand the dynamics of our spouses family relationships before marriage, what sacrifices each made for each other etc but we will enter and start looking for non-existent problems.
DeleteHow much is snacks again?
You better mind your business as long as it’s not your kids fees, housekeeping money or money for major projects that’s being siphoned.
Allow your husband to pamper his nieces and nephews the way he deems fif.
I happen to be married to a man like your husband and can’t be bothered especially since such acts do not affect the family finances.
We women sha!
Like you people didn’t see she was jumping her and calling her husband for money for clothes?.
DeleteI tire ooo. Supporting rubbish when co-wife clearly disregarded her.
Delete
ReplyDeletePoster,you are justified to feel that way. Talk to your husband and if he doesn't see it the way you see it,press ignore button.
His eyes will soon clear. I personally don't call my husband's siblings wives, my mates nor do I encourage brother's wives to call themselves mates as it brings unnecessary familiarity and see finish. Most African marriage issues,AFI suru
Madam remove your eye from that money
ReplyDeleteThat money doesn’t stop your feeding allowance or anything else the man does at home
If we torchlight that money now e fit no reach 5k
The man has been doing anyday he is tired he will stop it himself
Wicked woman
That’s how you will come from loveless home into a love filled home to cause discord
Did your husband complain to you?
That money sef your husband will spend pass on side chick
Pursue them when you pursue them finish you stand alone
Do you if your children will need help tomorrow and this small kindness will open door for them
Me myself and I
In your mind you have arrived
God forbid bad thing
Let her mind her business abeg.
Delete@Anon 16.35
DeleteBe calming down. Take honey and breathe slowly. You sound like you wan burst a vein.
Did we read the same chronicle? People like you have the same entitled mentality with the co-wife. So entitled and greedy that you don't know when to stop. Na your type no dey fit give too.
Abeg, free the Poster, she's not the cause of your frustration.
18:54, very very greedy. Soon, she'll start collecting money for her kids fees from her brother inlaw.
DeleteImagine asking for money for snacks from upper sunday....irritating behavior.
If you can't afford snacks, rest. Na snacks them dey go eat for church? Mtchewwwwwwwww.
You dey suspect them. Abeg talk true.
ReplyDeleteIf tomorrow those kids are in a position to help you or your children, you would not ask abi?
Softly, Madam we do not pray that cousins beg from each other. But life humbles sometimes.
If person no get sense, you wan follow her show sense?
So long as your husband has never complained to you, let matters be.
No learn the hard way O.
Don't be a dimwit. Suspect who? Insinuating nonsense. Don't project your insecurity on the poster.
DeleteDon't be a dimwit. Suspect who? Insinuating nonsense. Don't project your insecurity on the poster.
DeleteYour co wife is shameless sha.
ReplyDeleteEven if her husband was doing badly it's still not an excuse for this level of shamelessness. That's how they'll end up raising kids with loose morals. Tufiakwa!
@Aboki
DeleteDon't mind the greedy woman. Little little things like this matter in training your kids. Why won't the Poster feel somehow? She asked for more instead of being grateful for the one given to her.
Stella is right.
ReplyDeletewhat you cannot finish do not start it, your hubby already started it so he should either end it or complete it.
ReplyDeleteIf reverse is the case how would you feel, that you have to pass through your junior?
ReplyDeleteWomen love collecting money from their brother in-laws, especially those that are blessed. That you not doing so is because your husband is better financially.
Please don't start a fire that will be difficult for you to control or put off.
And how did you know her husband is doing well more than the brother? Did the Poster say that in the chronicle? No, my dear. Poster didn't say that in the chronicle. Don't say what you don't know. That you have the heart to give does not mean you are rich. Haven't you seen rich people who are stingy?
DeleteAnd how did you know her husband is doing well more than the brother? Did the Poster say that in the chronicle? No, my dear. Poster didn't say that in the chronicle. Don't say what you don't know. That you have the heart to give does not mean you are rich. Haven't you seen rich people who are stingy?
DeleteStella abeg free the Poster. You see this your advice? Na real bad one.
ReplyDeleteInfact, this Poster is a good woman.
Read the story very well.
She didn't complain that her husband buys snacks for the kids
She even buys them snacks when the husband is not around.
That doesn't make her a bad woman. This is a case of her co-wife taking undue advantage of her husband. No woman will see that and not try to protect her husband. It's natural and it doesn't make her a bad woman.
For those saying she should turn a blind eye, if e reach your turn, encourage another woman to take advantage of your husband. Shikena
Stella abeg free the Poster. You see this your advice? Na real bad one.
ReplyDeleteInfact, this Poster is a good woman.
Read the story very well.
She didn't complain that her husband buys snacks for the kids
She even buys them snacks when the husband is not around.
That doesn't make her a bad woman. This is a case of her co-wife taking undue advantage of her husband. No woman will see that and not try to protect her husband. It's natural and it doesn't make her a bad woman.
For those saying she should turn a blind eye, if e reach your turn, encourage another woman to take advantage of your husband. Shikena
Thank you. You spoke my mine. I love your comment ❤️
DeleteSee more members of Ibegistan Republican.
ReplyDeletePoster, establish boundaries.
Nobody with a grain of common sense will consider these needless begging as right.
Smelling entitlement that cannot even place a measure of self respect on its name..
Of course fellow beggers will see nothing wrong with this.
I believe your husband is old enough to know when to stop giving her money, especially if he is truly tired of giving her. If he is "shy" of refusing her demands, then good luck to him.
ReplyDeletePoster is a kind and smart woman if you ask me. She buys snacks for the children too. She's not stopping her husband from giving to his family. She's saying don't take advantage of my husband's benevolence. People are trying to manage themselves and a co-wife is here demanding every time. Haba nau, Stella
ReplyDeletePoster is a kind and smart woman if you ask me. She buys snacks for the children too. She's not stopping her husband from giving to his family. She's saying don't take advantage of my husband's benevolence. People are trying to manage themselves and a co-wife is here demanding every time. Haba nau, Stella
ReplyDeleteI don’t think she is beggy beggy, she lacks social awareness and understanding. This is a lack of standards and self worth. There are little things of etiquette of social graces that many parents are forgetting to impart into their children, perhaps they do not know it themselves.
ReplyDelete💯 Apt.
DeleteYou people should chill abeg. Putting myself in her shoes, I understand the situation wella. she's not trying to stop the husband from giving to his family, she only wants to put a stop to her co-mate making demands on her husband. Her solution to the problem is a smart one.
ReplyDeleteYou’re very right to feel uneasy as this has moved from kindness to expectation.
ReplyDeleteMy 1 cent though- Agree with your husband on limits. No paying for debts or constant requests.
Make the snack money occasional, not automatic. Let all requests pass through you (good idea), but also don’t approve everything.
Your husband should start giving polite boundaries like: “Not this time” or “We didn’t plan for that.”
You don’t need to confront her directly, just reduce access. Once the flow of money changes, her behavior will adjust. That woman will not realize the damage she is doing to her children now, until much later. She is building in them sense of entitlement that will return to hurt her herself. Saying 'no' is not a bad idea at all, just don't let her know you are in the mix.
Oil dey your head. Very sound advice. Poster pls take this advice.
DeleteI’m truly gobsmacked at Stella’s red pen! Like how? How do you see the poster as the trouble here ?! Are you for real?! Stella sometimes, really sometimes 🤦♀️
ReplyDeleteYou dey mind Stella?!!
DeleteLike say if somebody brings this kind of entitlement attitude to her, she go like am?
You dey mind Stella?!!
DeleteLike say if somebody brings this kind of entitlement attitude to her, she go like am?
Elder wife no even get shame sef...begging night and day.
ReplyDeleteThose kind of people make my skin crawl.
Always BEGGING like rodents, mouth open wiiiiiiide like a grave.
The word 'no thank you is not in their dictionary'. The can beeeeeeegggggg. Smellos.
Maybe you should also tell you kids to go meet their uncle for snacks every Sunday and watch the reaction of your co wife.
ReplyDeleteLet your husband stops the snacks thing for a while or start giving occasionally.
Poster, your concern is valid. That your co wife is very greedy. Unfortunately, she is teaching such shameful character to her children
ReplyDeleteI think your husband gives the children money out of his own will and he loves do it. But where am faulting the woman is, taking snacks on credit for your husband to pay whenever he comes to church, who does that? That's being selfish. Just don't say anything to her but you should talk to your husband to limit it to just the children because, I don't see anything wrong in him doing it for them. I believe it gives him satisfaction to see the children smile and being happy because I feel the same way too
ReplyDeleteI think your husband gives the children money out of his own will and he loves do it. But where am faulting the woman is, taking snacks on credit for your husband to pay whenever he comes to church, who does that? That's being selfish. Just don't say anything to her but you should talk to your husband to limit it to just the children because, I don't see anything wrong in him doing it for them. I believe it gives him satisfaction to see the children smile and being happy because I feel the same way too
ReplyDeleteIgnore.you are all family.
ReplyDeleteAnybody that supports the poster's cowife is worse than her
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I stand with you 💯%. Your co-wife is so greedy and she's clearly not training her children well. The entitlement is out of this world. Money should be passed from your husband to her so that she'll know that you are one. I'm.deeply appalled that people don't have boundaries
ReplyDeleteSenior wife that doesn't have respect for herself. Calling her husband's Junior brother to pay for her Ankara without going through the wife. People like her will not tolerate another woman doing this to her husband. What moral values is she teaching her kids with this kind of greedy mentality.
ReplyDeleteHello Poster,
ReplyDeleteYou are not wrong to feel uneasy, it's a reasonable response to what is becoming a pattern - the shift from generosity to entitlement. But your response matters just as much as her behaviour. Because it appears you want to move into control rather than the boundary.
Asking your husband to route money through you is not boundary-setting; but indirect policing. It risks disrespecting him in ways that do not appeal to him and escalating quiet tension into open conflict.
If you look at it clearly, your husband is not being used without consent. He is choosing not to refuse. That may suggest discomfort with saying no, or intentional care, not ignorance.
The real issue sits between you and him. Communicate your disapproval to him, like couples who value healthy boundaries with their outside world. Agree on limits: no debts, no automatic giving, no private requests. Let him enforce it himself, it's not yours to do.
If you step in, you become the problem. If he steps up, the pattern ends cleanly.
Sometimes we just have to be honest with ourselves over strategising to unseat others who find comfort in abusing our kindness.
Senior wife that doesn't have respect for herself. Calling her husband's Junior brother to pay for her Ankara without going through the wife.. if the case were to be reversed, will she tolerate that from her junior co- wife? What moral values is she even teaching her kids with her greedy mentality?
ReplyDeleteSenior wife that doesn't have respect for herself. Calling her husband's Junior brother to pay for her Ankara without going through the wife.. if the case were to be reversed, will she tolerate that from her junior co- wife? What moral values is she even teaching her kids with her greedy mentality?
ReplyDeleteSenior wife that doesn't have respect for herself. Calling her husband's Junior brother to pay for her Ankara without going through the wife.. if the case were to be reversed, will she tolerate that from her junior co- wife? What moral values is she even teaching her kids with her greedy mentality?
ReplyDeleteSome of the comments ehhh!! Na wa ooo
ReplyDeleteEjoor, how is the Poster trying to stop her husband from giving?
She even supports her husband's giving by bringing her own money to pay when her husband is absent.
Some of the comments ehhh!! Na wa ooo
ReplyDeleteEjoor, how is the Poster trying to stop her husband from giving?
She even supports her husband's giving by bringing her own money to pay when her husband is absent.
In this life, just be content with what you have so that you will not say somebody is wicked when you exhibit your greed. Datsall
ReplyDeleteIn this life, just be content with what you have so that you will not say somebody is wicked when you exhibit your greed. Datsall
ReplyDeleteThis has me in stitches. Control your greed and know your boundaries. Family or not, no body likes being exploited.
DeleteThis has me in stitches. Control your greed and know your boundaries. Family or not, no body likes being exploited.
DeleteThis all depends on the relationship your husband had with your co wife before you came in. It’s possible they related like siblings, that’s why she is free with him. You can talk yo your husband but don’t let the money pass through you. Stay out of it and save yourself from co wife issues.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. However relationship without boundary is often abused. Even siblings don't like to be taken advantage of.
DeleteI agree with you. However relationship without boundary is often abused. Even siblings don't like to be taken advantage of.
DeleteShe called her Poster's husband to pay for her Ankara. This kind of woman fit collect from Poster husband to pay for her Ankara and also collect from her own husband. Ojukokoro behaviour.
DeletePoster youre right to feel the way you feel,I stand with you. Talk to your husband,be the one giving them the money.
ReplyDeleteStella, it's like somebody got you upset cos this your bad advice no gel at all. Calling Poster jealous, angry and wicked? That's extreme.
ReplyDeleteLeave the woman alone? If there's anybody who should leave anybody, it should be the senior wife. She should leave Poster's husband alone and face her own husband
Stella, it's like somebody got you upset cos this your bad advice no gel at all. Calling Poster jealous, angry and wicked? That's extreme.
ReplyDeleteLeave the woman alone? If there's anybody who should leave anybody, it should be the senior wife. She should leave Poster's husband alone and face her own husband.