STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED
I live in one of the countries neighboring Nigeria, and I am a single mother of two who is doing fairly well.
Recently, a few Nigerian men have been approaching me, and an elderly woman I run errands for also told me she would like her son, who is a doctor in Europe, to marry my 17‑year‑old daughter.
I told her I needed time to think about it, but I have cried so much since then. I have been the one taking care of my children after their father’s death and all the issues with his family about six years ago.
Her request shocked me ; I didn’t expect people abroad to still think this way, especially since she relocated from Atlanta a few years ago.
To make matters worse, the friend I confided in supported the woman, saying there is a scarcity of good Nigerian men abroad and that I should pray my daughter doesn’t end up marrying one of the locals here.
I don’t want my daughter to marry anyone right now, but I’m confused. She has finished secondary school and is learning baking while preparing to further her education.
I totally understand your confusion as a mum but no mnd them oh..
What you’re doing is simply protecting your daughter’s future, and saying no to early marriage is the right and responsible choice.
Your teenage daughter deserves time to grow, education, freedom, and safety and not pressure and definitely not marriage at 17.
She is too young to be pluckd, reject any marriage offer and focus on her growth...
Tell her No
ReplyDeletePlease madam your daughter still have her life ahead of her
17 years is too early. Let them wait if they are serious.
ReplyDeleteMadam, what would be your reason for crying?
ReplyDeleteI mean you have the right to say, marriage is not what you want for her for now.
A doctor in Europe wants to marry her daughter. She knows that will bring them a good life but she is scared that the daughter is too young to be married. She wishes her daughter was grown enough to be married and all that is making her upset.
DeleteThe culture in Europe is quite different from what many of us are accustomed to. Once children turn 18, they generally have the freedom to make their own decisions, including decisions about relationships and marriage.
DeleteI understand your emotions and the difficult position you find yourself in. You may be struggling between accepting a proposal that could bring good fortune and allowing your daughter to make her own choices.
However, please let your daughter experience life for herself. Do not force her into a marriage that she does not want, because it could create resentment and make her unhappy for many years. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and it should be entered into willingly, not out of pressure or obligation.
Since you are already doing well, I would strongly encourage you to support her education and allow her to further her studies. Give her the opportunity to become independent, discover herself, and make a well-informed decision about her future.
Good fortune is not only found in marriage. Sometimes, the greatest investment you can make in your child is to give them the education, freedom, and guidance to build their own future.
She is too young to get married. Simple.
ReplyDeleteWhatever happens, don't give your 17 year old daughter to anyone to marry. Let her grow and make that choice for herself, it's not your decision to make for her. Yours is to educate her and set her up for success tomorrow through the grace of God.
ReplyDeleteI was 15 years old when one high ranked military man gathered somewomen together, including my mum, telling them that he wanted to marry me. My mum even agreed. I felt really irritated about that. If you see the way I fled even though the man was a very good man. My parents cannot control my decision in marriage. I will marry who I decide to marry.
ReplyDeleteMadam, your daughter still has time to discover herself. Forget the man's financial standing, if you guide your daughter well, she will also attain a great financial height tomorrow. She can also become what that guy is today if she wants.
17 years is too young to get married for any gender. Just out of curiosity, what is this doctor's situation (single, never been married, married to a white woman but wants a Nigerian wife, divorced, baby mama situationship)? It doesn't really matter to be honest. Assuming he has completed his training and he is practicing as a physician, he would be between 30-45. Please give your daughter a chance to mature and develop. No be only gold dey shine.
ReplyDeleteYou have raised your children alone after losing their father and have fought through difficult circumstances to give them a better life. You have every right to protect the future you have worked so hard to build for your daughter.
ReplyDeleteMy honest advice:
I got married at 17. Please don't rush your daughter into marriage.
Yes, early marriage can have some advantages. Some couples grow together, build their home early, and may enjoy raising their children while they are still young.
But we must also be honest about the disadvantages. At 17, you may not yet have the emotional maturity, life experience or financial independence needed for marriage. Early marriage can interrupt education, limit opportunities and make it harder to recognize or walk away from an unhealthy relationship.
I know this because i married at that age. If i could advise my younger self, I would say: there is nothing wrong with waiting.
Your daughter is learning baking and preparing for further education. Let her grow. Let her discover herself. Let her build her relationship with God and prepare for adulthood.
The Bible says:
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.( Ecclesiastes 3:1)
A good profession and living abroad do not automatically make someone a good husband.
Don't let fear or pressure make this decision for you.
Pray, guide her, protect her and let her grow.
Marriage can wait. Her future cannot. ❤️
💯✅
DeleteDon't send that girl into marriage to be abused. Ask yourself, upon all the grown women both abroad and Nigeria, why will they choose your 17 year old.
ReplyDelete1. That woman knows you cannot fight for your child in a far away land. You are single and she possibly think you are vulnerable.
2. They are looking for who the son can control.
3. Be mindful of human trafficking in the name of marriage.
Dear Poster, give your daughter another 7/8 yrs. That will peg her at 24/25. There is no rush. Pls don't rush your daughter into a marriage life when she is not prepared. Let her grow up and mature first. And no need to cry or get depressed. Say no nicely and move on.. And prepare your daughter for life.
ReplyDeletePlease don't do this to your daughter. She's just a child. Let her go through university or get to atleast 22 please 🙏🙏🙏🙏
ReplyDeleteIf her son can wait till then, fine. If not, he should bounce. Meanwhile, she should be allowed a say in making such crucial life decisions at that 22
In thus life anyone can be blessed by God and become rich. Who would have thought someone who his dad was not a millionaire can host such a lavish weeding for himself without a rich family background? What happens in Lagos over the weekend is testimony never to underestimate anyone including yourself. A 17year old is too young for marriage and let your focus be on skills, and let the money miss road people go away with their money. Your daughter could be great tomorrow if she face whatever she is doing squarely.
ReplyDeleteI understand that you are thinking that if you miss the opportunity with the doctor, you might not get another, but you see your daughter is too young to be married and that should be final. Do not even try to introduce them cos they will end up enticing and confusing her.
ReplyDeleteDeep down you want it to happen I'm sure if it was your daughters you will have given her out since Jusy to cute poverty and end ahewo life
DeleteAnon she only analyzed it for better understanding and this doesn't mean that she supports it. Na wa for some of una sense of reasoning
DeleteWhy are you crying? The so called doctor in Europe is a mature man, what does he want with a 17years old? You better stand firm and protect your baby girl.
ReplyDeleteThe abroad man should look for a 17 year to marry abroad na. Useless paedophile looking for a youngster to abuse. Una no even dey shame? Old expired lot parading young children as your wives?
DeleteYour fears are valid. Pls allow your daughter grow. Grow in every area. When the Issue of Marriage comes let her have a say .She should be able to speak and stand up for herself pls.
ReplyDeletePlease don't agree to it. They're not looking for a wife buy for someone they can control and use as their baby machine. Train your child well so that she also can be successful so that later in life she'll thank God and be blessed to afford everything they want to use as bait for her
ReplyDeleteWhen i was 17 and in A levels, a guy from Spain came to marry me. My father said no that i am too young and need to complete my university education. My Dad always believed that 27/28 was a good age to marry. Of course he couldn't wait and moved on. Apart from that, my Dad told me that the family is not a good family and the sister of the guy who was a relative by marriage was an aggressive and problematic woman and he wouldn't have wanted me marrying into that kind of family even if i was ready. Pls listen to all the good advise. Your daughter is too young she needs to find herself and mature.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, honestly, I would advise you not to agree to this marriage. Your daughter is only 17, she has just finished secondary school, and she is still preparing for her future. There is absolutely no need to rush her into marriage with a man she barely knows.
ReplyDeleteAnd please, don’t be carried away by the fact that they call him a “doctor in Europe.” That claim needs to be independently verified. Find out exactly who he is, where he lives, where he works and whether he is actually a licensed doctor.
I would also be very cautious about the possibility of fraud or even trafficking, especially if the plan eventually involves taking your daughter abroad. I’m not saying that is definitely what is happening, but the circumstances are enough to make me uncomfortable.
And please don’t let anyone pressure you with talk about “good Nigerian men abroad” or make you afraid of local men. Your daughter is not in a race to get married.
You have raised these children through very difficult circumstances. Trust that motherly instinct that is making you uncomfortable about this.
Let your daughter grow, learn her trade, continue her education and become an adult who can eventually make her own decision about marriage.
If this man is truly genuine, he will have no problem waiting and respecting your decision.
She's too young to marry
ReplyDeleteThe few Nigerian men who are approaching you, are they interested in you or in your daughter?
ReplyDeleteDoctor That Wanna Marry A Seventeen Year Old
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm,Ma Please Ooo Dnt Agree He Should Look Else Where ,Make He No Be Say That Woman Is Looking For Who She Will Traffic..
Hello iya Boys
Madam, please don't accept. The doctor should go look for his age mate.
ReplyDeleteWakanda doctor would marry a child?
ReplyDeleteYou are being lied to. Thats a hospital cleaner. Nothing wrong with that so long as everybody knows what they are agreeing to. How will marrying her off ease your life? Your son-in-law doesn't owe you anything o.
This is an irritating chronicle on many levels
Madam please stop your tears.
ReplyDeleteI understand you do not want to lose what is seemingly a great opportunity, however why will you like your child to be given bread where she could own the bakery?
Why can you not encourage and train her to be a doctor?Is this because she is female?
It may interest you to know i am female, Nigerian, working abroad as a physician and earning close to 1M CAD per annum.
Do not sell that child to "slavery" and truncate their future.
Invest in her, pray for her and she will certainly be a great blessing to you and your family in the future, husband or no husband!