ADVICE NEEDED
I am 45 years old, a single mother of two children......
my son is 21 and my daughter is 17. Their father passed away six years ago, and since then I’ve been the one raising them and holding everything together.
Now someone has approached me about marriage, and I’m not sure if starting over at this age is the right decision or if I should remain focused on my independence. I need advice on what to do......
I dont love this person but wont i be alone at an older age if refuse proposals now? I am just thinking...
Shouldnt i be planing to move on with someone since my children will soon start their own lives?I cannot make this decision alone and i would rather ask advice from people who dont know me than allow myself become topic of convo wth those who know me......
Hmmm na wah!
At your age you should know if you want a man or not nah.....
If agreeing to marry someone gives you peace of mind then do it oh, but if you have to be asking around for what to do then i dont think you should agree.....Love no be by force so if it doesn't give you excitement forget about him but if the right person comes along, then do it abegyy!!!!
You should know better . If having a person as your companion would be of help to you, I think you should consider it
ReplyDeleteYou clearly mentioned that you don't love this man. At 45, is spending the rest of your life with someone you don't love what you should be looking forward to? Why complicate your life that way? Take a hard pass.
ReplyDeleteYou ain't ready for this. Don't indulge. Stop being afraid of tommorrow. It won't be late for you.
ReplyDeleteAt this age, you need someone you love and love you too, to make the marriage journey worthwhile.
Take time, enjoy your life, until you meet that person who you can't wait to spend the rest of your life with
Hello Sweety ♥️,
ReplyDeleteGood thing you’re seeking clarity and advice on what’s best for you. First, the right word for you is 'widow', not 'single mom'. If you were married and lost your husband. 'Single mom' is usually used for women who had children outside marriage.
Now to my advice. Do not marry someone you don’t love. You’ll regret it, and you’ll suffer for it. Marriage should be built on attraction, love, and compatibility. If he doesn’t have all three, don’t go in. There’s something worse than being single, and that’s marrying someone you don’t love.
You already have children, and they’ll always be there for you. But if you desire marriage again for companionship and from your tone, I think you do, then get it right. At your age, I’d suggest considering an older man, or even a widower who may not be looking to start a new family. A younger man starting out might still want 4 or 5 more children. Is that what you can handle right now? Think about it.
What you need now is a partner for companionship, unless you still want more children. For this particular man, abort the idea since you said you don’t love him.
©️ TEEJAY
End of Discussion.
DeleteDear Poster. Please take to this advice and enjoy a lasting peace.
@KSB TRUTH
Since you don't love the Man in question, please move on with your life.
ReplyDeleteDOZZYBEST.
You don't love the person as you said. Why subject yourself to a lifetime of torture? Forever is too long to be miserable. Another thing I noticed in your write up is that you don't have friends. Reason you are more comfortable to take advice from people who don't know you than the ones who do. No matter how many times you have been hurt, please try and build genuine relationships with your gender. Relationships are currencies. With it you should never be afraid of being lonely or alone at old age. Friends would do what even money can't do. It is true.
ReplyDeleteWill it favor you and your children?Will it upgrade or cause you problem in the future?Why not date the person for sometime to lf he 's worth it.Love is not enough.Trend carefully.
ReplyDeletePASS
ReplyDeleteSister, some people have already written on the issue of your honesty about not loving the man who is seeking for your hand in marriage. They both emphasised marrying who you love. That's my first message to you, too. Please, don't marry him because you will end up making his life and yours very miserable.
ReplyDeleteBut, you might not outrightly reject him. Rather, implore him to give you time to think things through before replying him. Then, weigh everything about him and consider if there are are things about him that endure that you like ; things that will be there during the old age that you fear.
There is something called the.will of God. Your creator knows what tomorrow holds. Take time to ask Him.
ReplyDeleteGod , after considering his redeeming virtues, you find things that can pass the test of time, then consider this, too:
ReplyDeleteThe person who loves you more will give more of himself for you to live than the person you love more.
So, ask yourself why he wants to marry you? And ask him, too, why he wants to marry you? Thank God love has not blinded you (but other things could). Pray and try to discern every word, gesture, action, including his past.
If after every consideration, marrying him will give you peace, then go ahead and marry him. If not, let him go.
If you reach old age and you are married and loved, it is a blessing. But if not, it would be better to remain single. Loneliness comes from expectations you have of people which they fail to meet.
ReplyDeleteIf not that you said you do not love him, I will have said you should go ahead and marry him. Life has taught me that the best person to spend old age with is your spouse. Children will surely leave and face their own lives but your partner will always be there for you.
ReplyDeletei am 45 years old too and desperately want to marry. In my own case. I am not in any relationship, never been married and have no child.
ReplyDeleteHang out with him small and see
ReplyDelete