The statement was out of line to be honest, but I understand your frustration. Cultural expectations will always come up even when the elder is wrong. People can easily write her bad behaviour off as being due to old age, stress, or even dementia. She will always have the upper hand, especially among her children and grandchildren, you will be viewed as the villain. The Bible tell parents not to provoke their children to anger. She obviously does not care for you but she had no reason being verbally abusive to you. She could have avoided you and limit her interaction instead of choosing abuse.

When someone does not like you and you know it, the best approach is avoidance, let everyone stay in their corner. This means limiting contact and interaction. Now, things have escalated and your husband is in tight spot. You will have to work through the strain and if you value your marriage and want peace you may even have to apologize simply for the sake of peace. However, going forward you can avoid this woman, even if she is staying in your home or you must visit hers there are ways to avoid people that doesn't even appear rude. If you want to prove your point then always make sure you have a recording device on play when she comes around you, then folks will hear the abuse, but that may only help in a limited way, many will try to find an excuse on her behalf, stress, abuse, bad health, whatever. The expectation will always be that you as the younger person be forgiving and understanding.

What she said and what you said do they seem same to you
You insulted your husbands father and mother because you know your husband is weak. Where did you hear the stories. Hope not from same husband

Welldone jare

Op you were not wise in handling this

Honestly, I understand why you snapped. You had been swallowing a lot for a long time, and eventually you reacted. But yes, you went too far by bringing up her husband’s cheating. That was a sensitive matter, and now everyone is focusing on what you said instead of what pushed you to that point.

You’re not a bad wife or a bad person. You were hurt and angry, and you reacted badly. Apologize for that part, but don’t keep explaining or fighting with the family.

Most importantly, talk to your husband privately. Tell him you want peace, but you also need boundaries. Your mother-in-law can have her marriage, and you can have yours. Don’t let this become bigger than it needs to be.

I can feel your pain it must feel like constant bullying hearing her comments all the time but you could have been more tactful in your response. Sometimes when people go low don’t go lower go high, I probably would have just laughed and said if I don’t eat it who will she’ll be pained at not being able to trigger me. I know we respond differently to situations and the deed is done already. First apologize to your husband as a bedroom convo was made public even if it wasn’t him who told you, you’ve put him in a bad light and I’m sure he doesn’t want to be seen as taking sides with you. Then apologize to his mum don’t ever let anyone have an upper hand to determine the peace thermometer in your home. You’ve got the power Girl!

Your reaction was human, and your frustration is valid, but using her painful marital secret as a weapon gave everyone else an excuse to point fingers at you. You gave them the exact weapon they needed to paint you as the villain, completely erasing all the years you stayed quiet and patient. Owning it with your full chest felt good for a second, but it actually trapped you because now everyone is focused on your harsh words instead of her unfair behavior. If you want peace in your home and to save your marriage from breaking apart, the smartest thing you can do is swallow your pride and apologize to your mother in law, not because she is right, but because your peace and your relationship with your husband matter way more than winning a fight against a bitter woman.

When you apologize, you take away their power to play the victim and paint you as the villain, and it helps your husband breathe and stand by your side without feeling torn between his mother and his wife. After things calm down, you can still keep a safe, strict distance from her to protect your mental health without having to fight every time you see her.

It is well!

The deed has been done, please apologize to her and your husband ok. Look very contrite o, you can even fake a few tears

Now she will stay on her lane now, other will learn to respect themselves too😁😁😁

Honestly you were wrong. If your brother's wife had said same thing to your mum, how would you feel.

You were wrong by saying that to your mother in-law.