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Thursday, April 24, 2014

Diary of A Violated Angry Woman - Whose Baby Am I Carrying?




Ms XYZ is trying to set herself free by telling the story of how she was raped in Nigeria.
So far,she has told us how it happened and asked the who is to blame question ... Read them below.

DIARY OF A RAPED ANGRY WOMAN - THE RAPE
DIARY OF A RAPED ANGRY WOMAN - WHO IS TO BLAME?

In this next part,she tells us how she found out she was pregnant after the rape.....pregnant!



OMG I Am three months Pregnant! Raped by three complete strangers I didn’t even know their first names talk less of their last! Who was my baby daddy? 

I sat by the balcony that sunny day I can never forget .
I sat at that spot for 12 hours straight I didn’t speak or eat, I thought about my life! 
My secondary school days, I was the youngest in my class back in school and one of the brightest, I finished secondary school at age 15, I hadn’t even seen my period yet by the time I was done with school. I had such a promising future and my mum used to always tell me to just focus on my studies and I took her advice.

 I thought about all the boys that had chased me and I always used to brag to my girlfriends that I would marry as a virgin and now I was pregnant with no father……who would believe my story?


The next day I went back to the ‘specialist’ I told him I was pregnant! He insisted I was not, he touched my belly and said I had fibroid.I was happy but I did not know what fibroid was, but I prayed to God for it to be fibroid.... Anything but a pregnancy! 

He reminded me that if I told a soul about them, I would run mad and die! 
As I walked to the bus stop I thought to myself ‘surely death is better than this’. 

Few days later no sign of my period so I did a test with the pharmacist down the street….as I read those words ‘Positive’ you know when your heart stops beating for a split second and you can hear your world crashing around you that was the feeling I got. 


I looked at the man who offered me the test results and saw the look of utter disgust on his face.......if only he knew.

I was ready to die than have that baby, I never went back to the ‘specialist’ I was ready to die! I thought if I stayed away maybe I would die and then this will all be over.

A week passed and I was still alive and pregnant. Then I considered suicide! 

If they were not going to kill me then I will kill myself, I tried everything, I tried drinking overdose, I tried drinking kerosene, I even wanted to stab myself but there was always a voice at the back of my head telling me suicide was a sin, maybe that voice kept me alive!


 I starved myself for days without food or water, I would drink every pill I could buy off the shelve, I asked the pharmacist about an abortion he said he could direct me somewhere at a cost I tried for a whole month to raise the money but everyone I asked was broke.my sister had no money, my uncles kept saying they would send money but no one knew why I wanted the money. 


You may wonder at this time, was my belly showing? was I spitting or having morning sickness? The devil sure acts in strange ways because there was no pregnancy signs and I wasn’t nauseous or spitting or bloated I was just normal.

my sister whom I lived with at the time had absolutely no clue, eventually I turned to God! After all the pills I had been taking and I was never able to summon up courage to stab myself I turned to GOD! 

I went to church almost every day, I prayed and prayed for a miracle and one came, my sister found my pregnancy result I had tucked away in my bag and she confronted me .
there was no more room for secrets or lies anymore, I told the truth and I narrated the last 5 months of my life and she fell into shock! .......But I was relieved! 

Finally I did not have to carry this cross alone; finally the Lord had come to my aid!


To cut a long story short my mum was told I was rushed to the hospital, the baby never stood a chance,all the pills I had been taking,days without food or water and punches to my belly, it never stood a chance because I had already lost it.
He or she was dead and had to be flushed out. it was the most painful thing I have ever gone through in my entire life but it had to be done and It was done! 


My mum never asked me the details of the rape, I was forbidden to talk about what had happened to anyone, and I was told ‘if any man knows this who will marry you, no one wants to marry a rape victim’ ....

So I have never talked about those 5 months of my life until now that i am sharing it!

My life was put in a box and never to be talked about! 

Life goes on…….so I thought, I gained admission to University a month later and I swear to you that I left the past behind BUT the devil was not done with me! 

Am I about to tell you I was raped again?

 Yes! 

This time by a friend who was a cultist! 

This time I fought back but a 5ft6 girl against a 6ft2 guy did not stand a chance,however I am proud because I fought back with everything I had, I kicked,I screamed.

He knelt down on both my hands as he ripped my clothes off, i spat in his face, he slapped me repeatedly,his breathe smelling of weed. oh,I saw the devil in the form of a man! yes because you have to be the DEVIL To rape a woman! 

I screamed in the loudest voice and finally I heard a loud sound and the door was broken down! 

The neighbours heard me and came to my rescue but he had already raped me, the damage was done! 

Now a few more people knew this thing of shame! 
He was a cultist and the University I went to,if you snitch on a cultist you may as well dig your own grave and bury yourself…

I told my friend and we prayed all night, we prayed for God to punish him. He came few weeks after begging on his knees for me to forgive him that he had lost his dad! 


Just one act of lust from the guy in University opened up old wounds I thought had healed; there is a limit to what the human mind can take and before you know it the mind is poisoned and damaged.
I said to myself that i would use men as much as they had used me because hey ‘Sex is just a product’ they will take it anyways..That was my state of mind.

 I had been abused and no one wanted to listen, all I heard day and night is ‘it’s in the past, just move on…forgive and forget….maybe you were at fault…did you flirt with him?’ 


All I wanted was one person to listen! 

I wanted justice! 

No matter how much you forgive you can never forget! 

Have I forgiven the guy who raped me in university? Yes I have! Have I forgotten? NO!!!!
Have I forgiven the family member who sexually harassed me? I am not sure! 

I pray to God every day for the grace to forgive him and i pray i do so ,as I write this i feel a weight lifted off because finally someone is listening to me!...You are reading and listening.



I know my story seems like it is centred on RAPE! Yea some may say hmmmmm why can’t she just move on, at least she is not the first to be raped! 

Yes I am not the first, I am not the last, BUT I hope my story will encourage one lady who is a victim out there to know that our past should not define us….and I also hope it will discourage any rape victims to go down the path I choose! 



They say time heals all wounds but the scars are forever……Next i will write on
 ‘Where do I go from here?’. How do i move on after my abused life?how?

I remain Ms XYZ.

74 comments:

  1. Na wa my lady. It's not easy. But embrass God wholeheartedly and move on. He has got much better plans for u!

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    Replies
    1. Embrace...

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    2. I was also raped in the university by cultist. 3 of them to be exact. 12yrs I have moved on but never forgot. I saw 1 of the rapist at d beach last year and he was an agbero. I was driving my LR3. I was shaking in my car. Rape is damaging. It never goes away.

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    3. I was nearly raped in university, God saved me; almost raped during youth service by a"pastor" God saved me, and years later almost raped by a "fiance"! God has been good to me but I foolishly gave myself to the"fiance" cos I thought that something was definitely wrong with me,but now I know better.
      My dear allow Christ to embrace and heal u with His love. Btw I'm happily married with four children to a godly man.
      I never knew how rampant rape was until I started reading blogs especially this one. May the Jesus heal u.

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  2. Once again, sorry u had to go through all this. Hope you're in a better place, emotionally.

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  3. Replies
    1. Yawns?? Pray you or someone you know doesn't get raped. A lady for that matter writing *yawns*. Smh

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    2. Pipi wouldn't av commented. That is so insensitive of u. And you are a woman. You just put me off.

      Ufan

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    3. Hey! Pipi; Pipi; see your life...

      I'm so sorry guys, didn't mean it that way.

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    4. The General's Wife24 April 2014 at 20:00

      Pipi,something tells me ur dad is a rapist n ur brothers too.so now u r accustomed to it.buh YOU wil be raped n repeatedly.n den u wil dust urself n YAWN! Useless fellow!

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    5. Gwife is that really neccessary?in one vein you have insulted her family members,no wonder they pissed on you the other you.

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    6. Gwife is that really neccessary?in one vein you have insulted her family members,no wonder they pissed on you the other you.

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  4. Wow, Ms XYZ, you sure are a strong woman. Letting go is so hard but is the first step in the right direction of healing. Stay strong.

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  5. Nice write up, shit happens. Have been molested by our neigbour when I was like 7, he puts it between my laps. Have done few runz before when I was in poly ibadan with my friends leaving our hostel olori @ around 11pm, shot happens. Have aborted more than 15 times, but all in all God is a merciful lord. Now I'm in London with lovely kids. Though I still have sex outside my relationship once in a while when I see a fine and rich guy because my partner is not faithful too. So poster move on, some people have seen worse.

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    Replies
    1. Chai see person CV o!!!!!!!! U bad gan.

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    2. OMG! Pls tell me its not tru... 15tyms....

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    3. 15 abortions! But it's not a form of contraception now...! Once or twice, maybe those were mistakes, but 15...? I'm not trying to be judgemental, but you don't even sound remorseful! Pls don't take God's mercy for granted.
      Kai...! #goosebumps!

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    4. Anon1:34,you are a Correct girl...you know whats-up!!...ignore them hypocrites,they will soon comment under your post yarning dust...

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    5. God saved you by given you a second chance...don't use your selfish interest to ask for a second chance...I live in London and my girl in 9ja and I have tried everything to be faithful with her even with all the advancements I see sometimes...two wrongs don't make a right...if ur partner cheats, pray for him

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    6. You supposed to be in a Rehabilitation centre

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    7. You my dear is a HOE not a VICTIM. Ashawo lati kekere ni e

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    8. Anonymous obviously never heard of condoms or postinor, what cave were you living under be4 escaping to London? Nobody is a saint but 15 abortions? Really? @LindaEze, stop encouraging stupidity biko.

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    9. Buhahaha at Aramide's comment. CV indeed! CV toh crazy

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    10. And I thought I was bad.anon 3;32 you are funny btw did you go to unilag

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    11. Bahahahahaha o ga gaan lmao

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    12. @bosah didn't attend Unilag.

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    13. Ok @ anon 1;20.

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    14. Ok @ anon 1;20.

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    15. U are not normal at all. Infact u are very stupid. Ahn ahn. And u just said it casually as if it's alright??? Olosi ni babe yi ke

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  6. Another part? Sorry for what you through ma'am...not to be insensitive but this thing don turn Nigeria film....part 1,2,3....4? Really? Cuss me and die!!!!

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    Replies
    1. I think its because its not easy for her......

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    2. My heartaches wen I read it. She shud just qet it done wif. Its makinq sad. Ruins my day most tyms.

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  7. Tears! Speechless! Pity

    Ufan

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  8. Personally speaking... not that I find these events unbelievable, I just think this particular story is mixed with some fiction. Some things don't add up

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    Replies
    1. Just bcos u have had it easy..doesn't mean others have..av heard worse.Ok?

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    2. OK ma! Note that I dint say that the events in the story are unbelievable. I have heard worse too. I read the first post she did and symphatized, now the second one.. I took my time and read everything but the part where she went back to the 'specialist' doesn't add up for me and its me stating my own opinion. You don't know me, neither do you know if I had it easy, don't make assertions that you know nothing about. Understand what people are trying to say before you click the reply button. Thank you

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  9. It is very much easy to forgive but forgetting is always a problem..but with the grace of ur creator;u will probably sail through..@poster;I know u feel relieved sharing ur story and I know with time u will be very much owkay and would move on as much as u can....sowi for what happened but please neva get stucked to ur past..it only blocks incoming blessings and happiness..just be owkay alright!!

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  11. For the first time in months am starting an epistle on a blog and completing it without getting bored. This looks more those stories found inside mills and boom magazine. Now am beginning to miss them...#straightface

    Looking forward to reading your next on "Where do I go from here?’. How do i move on after my abused life?..
    Keep it coming, more interesting and edifying. Daalu Ms XYZ!




    *Prayer For Nigeria in Distress x10 Daily*

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    24th April, 2014

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  12. For the first time in months am starting an epistle on a blog and completing it without getting bored or stopping half way. This looks more like those stories found inside mills and boom magazine. Now am beginning to miss them...#straightface

    Looking forward to reading your next on "Where do I go from here?’. How do i move on after my abused life?..
    Keep it coming, more interesting and edifying. Daalu Ms XYZ!




    *Prayer For Nigeria in Distress x10 Daily*

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    24th April, 2014

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  13. Wow...and I used to think I have seen and heard all forms of evil. So people are still this wicked. I must be a learner then.

    Aeegurl...

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  14. Do you know the only person who can help you? Jesus Christ. Surrender your burden and your all to him and he will carry them for you. Do you remember Mary Magdalene the prostitute, she surrendered to Christ and became whole again. Its going to be tough, you know but persistence and a positive mind should be your watch word. Please surround yourself with Godly people (as I do not know if you knew that that friend of yours was a cultist or not). Also, if you ever feel that there is anyone, family or friend or foe, that will pose a threat to your wellbeing please dissociate yourself completely from the person(s). Put your trust only in God. Communicate with him as if you could see him, like an imaginary friend because he is always there. You'll feel better in no time.

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  15. @Anon,1:34pm, u well so? 15 abortions nd u still dey play away,u neeed deliverance asap

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  16. forgiving is possible, but to forget? I don't think so... and that's the part that keeps tormenting you.

    I pray you heal dear poster. uve really gone thru shit! so sorry!

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  17. @anon April 24, 2014 at 1:34 PM na deliverance you need for all the bad you've done and still doing.

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  18. Nawa ooo kaii you have been thru a lot poster. Only God can help you. It is well

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  19. Rape is real but any tale to entertain instead of informing and warning is regrettable. This is the reason why many people don't believe rape victims, when it's trivialized. With whom do I share my rape story? Family and a therapist are helpful; friends and even a spiritual leader may end up being the wrong confidant.

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  20. 15? Wow! AIDS is real too o! please use protection from now hence forth for the sake of your kids. they need you in good health; not battling with one form of disease or the other.

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    Replies
    1. Shut up your dirty mouth. HIV statues see being verified before having kids in UK. Except you married as a virgin, pls kindly keep your advise to yourself.

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    2. What's with the curses now anon,she only gave an advice .the way matured adults behave here calls for concern.

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    3. @Anon reply - you are just a dunce, so ignorant!! Hub status is verified before having kids in Mauna too buy Bloglord is taking about her contracting it after having kids and then spending her life battling the illness....

      Read with understanding mbok

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    4. Silly autocorrect..... #Hiv #Nigeria.

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  21. pipi lee you dare to yawn? your story will be the next one here...idiot

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  22. Embrace God, only him will give you the grace to forgive and forget. Its well, I believe there is always light in the end of the tunnel.

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  23. @ poster may God weep away ur tears & give u a new heart to forge ahead..

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  24. OMOBOLA, so you finally get to speak. Now you can heal up. I love you. You may not remember me but i won't remind you on this Blog. Hugs my dear sister.

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    Replies
    1. Abeg, y call her name. It's tough enough for her to write this anonymously and now you want us to know who she is?! If you want to get in touch with her pls I suggest you do so through SDK.

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    2. How dare you mention her name on the blog even if u knw her and her story.

      Frenemy oshi. Famzer Jati Jati

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    3. Oponu oshi. Yansh opener. Ore jati jati someborri. Ogun will strike your upper lip for calling her name. Heediot


      Anons Anon

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  25. Funny.......same exact fin hppened 2 me. Nearly raped @ age 15, managed 2 escape.....raped by a "friend" I never knew was a cultist, survived dat, had abortions 4 ma ex in uni......broke up, survived dat......met a "so called" friend who was 10yrs older dan me, we had dis great chemistry,like we were meant 2 be 2geda, was like. Fairytale...... d best fin dat has ever happened 2 me. I tot heaven finally smiled on me, he told me 2 open up 2 him dat he ll always be dere 4 me. I told him d story of ma life nd he promised dat nuffin bad ll happen on his watch...while he was in ma life, I got raped by d friend's cousin who I saw as a brother kai! D betrayal, d shame, d slap my friend gave me for feeling like a failure for allowing me 2 get hurt while he WaS in ma life. I cried 4 days, ma friend dat d cousin raped me threw me out cos I was in her empty family haus. I picked d pieces of ma life back 2geda wif d help of ma same male friend who stood by me nd saved me 4rm suicide cos I was getting dressed 2 go buy a card of Valium 5 nd drink dem all.......time went on, he kept using all ma past against me, stabbing me wif words unimaginable burh I hung on cos he spoke outta anger nd bitterness of ma last rape dat he culda saved me 4rm.he said he culd never 4give me .....I had more abortions 4 him, meanwhile, I grew tired of being FWB nd wanted more......he ended up throwing all ma past in ma face nd wrote hurtful unprintable words........its been some time now nd am trying 2 get maself back. Tot of suicide, tot of ending it all.........burh I dunno y am still hanging on.........really dunno y cos am hurt nd destroyed beyond imgination........I may have 2 end it all soonest cos am tired.....heaven knws dat ma gullible nature of trusting pple has put me into shit nd pain. Rape isn't easy 2 survive 4rm...... talkless of wen u re being blamed 4 it......smh

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    Replies
    1. This is the time for you to behold the Lamb of God, He was born into sin that you may live again.....cast. your burden unto Him, He'll heal your broken heart.

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    2. Honey, have faith. People have been through worse and her living. Don't you dare end it you are strong you are a woman. That's how we are built to come out of every storm a survivor. You will find joy and happiness and you would remember this "its not over until God says it is" so don't let some fool with sausage meat hanging btw his thighs tell you shit. God loves you even killers get forgiveness.
      Just ask for forgiveness and live your life trusting God will wipe your tears.

      You will Survive.

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    3. I know it'd not easy but through Christ all things are possible.

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  26. Not to sound insensitive, the poster should just compile all the stories into a file and post biko. It's beginning to sound like a movie script.

    CINDERELLA

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  27. So sry poster,rily feel 4 u.if writing hlps u to heal,den am all eyesn ears.I pray God heals u totally. EVE E UME

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  28. But I keep wondering why such animals and junkies can't just go for olosho, rather than place everlasting curse on there head. Ahba. Rape is such a disgusting act to me.

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  29. The General's Wife24 April 2014 at 21:25

    Hugs darling! God is in d process of healing u,believe me sweetheart.u r in my prayers dear!*hugs*

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  30. I'm so sorry anon 6:04 you've gone through a lot Please don't ever think of suicide and don't listen to anyone that judges you... Find a hobby, Career, take care of yourself, get back your self esteem!

    it is well

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  31. Ok time to compare cv. I was sexually abused by 8 different guys from a very young age before I was even half way thru pry school. My parents and everyone blamed me when I told them, I was even beaten black and blue. Grew up thinking I was crap. I was later raped at gunpoint by someone I considered a friend, another time by my said fiance after beating me up. I thought I should deal with all men I met, sex, runs was nothing to me. I thank God for his mercies n protection as I did think of suicide once, even wrote out my letter n all. Luckily someone found it and my parents got wind of it on time. Today, I have a beautiful child who loves me truly, I am healthy and happy too. Was it hard getting to where I am? Nothing s really hard if u trust in God dear

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  32. Ms XYZ stay strong my dear n move on with ur life• Ure a srtong lady n my God will surely make u stronger n see u tru Amen. Yours Truly Ada Owerre

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  33. One thing I will tell my son everyday is that if he rapes, my spirit will curse him

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