Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Friday, 9 September 2016

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

WOW,this is serious.....





STANDALONE NARRATIVE
COMPLICATED MARRIAGE

Dear BV's this is a true story and I need your candid advice before I take a decision on what to do.  Also, a lot of single ladies will learn from this. I will try to cut it short……..


I got married to my husband 2 years ago after we met at a 9- months training in South Africa. How did we meet? After one of the sessions, he approached me and asked for my name and all that and I told him. Few weeks later we met somewhere in a mall and all but nothing happened. About a month afterwards, we exchanged numbers and began to talk- no strings attached yet.

 After a while, he began to talk marriage to me and all his friends began to beg on his behalf. After the training, he proposed to me in a public place and I accepted. The truth is that it came to me as a shock and I didn’t know what to do as he was already on his knees. I took d ring reluctantly and we kicked off from there.

A year later we got married. We did not have sex all through our dating/ courtship period until our wedding night. I noticed some traits in him which I didn’t like. He was so unromantic and showed it. For instance, he will travel for months and return without any excitement to see me, no hugs, no pecks, nothing, not even a gift.


 I kept wondering and consoled myself that he did not want to be tempted to have sex. I am a very emotional and romantic person, so it kept bothering me. I spoke to him once or twice but nothing changed. 


On one occasion, I travelled to where he worked to visit for a week, my people, do you believe that I did not see him until a day before I left and he offered to come see me because they were lodged in a hotel. I had planned to stay at least a night with him and stay the rest with my relatives there. I got so mad and called off the relationship thereafter- it was close to our introduction. He sent people to beg and all that and I accepted again. We got married.


There was no excitement on the wedding day not all, I noticed it clearly but I felt it was the stress or so much money he spent. On that night when we were supposed to explore, I was disappointed. I used to hear that it’s the hubby that takes off the wedding dress from the bride after the wedding.

 O boy eh I wear my own till almost 7pm.

 After we got to the hotel that wedding day, he first said that he wanted to host his friend in the bar there and I said ok. He came back after about an hour and said his cousin who was lost for 15 years just returned and he was called at home. 

Hmmmmmm.

 I said ok, no probs. My dear, this took till 9pm ON MY WEDDING NIGHT O. I was so sad that I cried and cried. Regrets had already started creeping in. He came back and we made out- it was just there jor. Nothing spectacular. The next morning, he went to have his bath in his family house close to where we were and came back with family in the car. 

That was supposed to be thanksgiving morning. The car was filled with them and he asked me to share the front seat with his best man. 

Mogbe o!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is this a bad dream or what?! 

I don enter one chance o, I said to myself. Then I offered to take a taxi to church while they go in the car but he refused and asked his friend to stay back.

After the boring bitterleaf moon, we went home and 80% of the time, I initiated sex and romance for the first 7 months of our marriage. Then, he will stay 2 weeks without checking if my punani is there or not, then it extended to 3 weeks and then one month and so on. Then I started crying and asking him what the problem was. 

He will sleep in the guest room every night and I will beg him to come to the room and all. This happened for about a year. And then I started getting depressed and very bitter all the time. Please I wash my punani very well so no I aint smelling.  I stopped approaching him and we will stay for 2-3 months then he will remember me. 

This time he stayed for 9 months without giving me even a peck and one day he resurfaced struggling with me, he obviously wanted a second child- oh I didn’t mention that I have a baby. He had his way and then 3 weeks later, I was on my period and he goes, ‘so you no even carry belle sef’. 

Ah!!!!!!! So that was the motive? 

2 weeks later, he tried to pounce on me again but I made up my mind that I wont let him. 

My sisters, for over a year my hubby hasn’t given me a hug, not to talk of kissing me. If I travel and call him he doesn't sound like someone that is missing us. It kills the love I have for him so if I don't call he won't call. 
I see messages from girls but I pretend like I am stupid and blind. I stumbled on one recently and he asked her to give him a baby. My eyes popped open. 


I am tired, I am lonely, sad and depressed.  The sight of him alone torments and irritates me. I asked him severally what I did to him but he says nothing. Do I have to wait for him to beat me before I am permitted to move out and have my peace? What should I do? Please help a sister. 

BTW, I have prayed, fasted, tushed up, even watched war room, lol, etc but all to no avail. If I cheat now, that will be another chronicles.. I am at my wits end

There is still so much to say, but I don tire jor. The bottom line is that he doesn’t treat me right. Did I mention that he doesn't even take care of our daughter? He meets 2% of her needs and I do 98%.  He's also a mummy’s boy o. Mummy comes first and then others. He does not bring money for anything even up to milk for the baby. 

I will cook with my money and serve him instead of saying he won't eat, he will leave the food open and go out. Some times weeks will pass we won't even discuss. Marriage takes a lot of work I know but I feel both parties play the role to make it work. 
I need mature advise from concerned BVs..



Ah this is complicated ooooh.let me read comments and learn.
LMAO@you have read war room.Thank God we will be spared from that advice,unless somebody will say you should watch it again...




166 comments:

Doppelgรคnger said...

You married a woman like you who just wanted to marry and have kids to carry his family name. Is he gay? Oh well you know the answer don't you?
What's annoying is that these things started before your marriage but as usual you ignored it and now your suffering for it.
You were obviously desperate because I don't see how you couldn't call off the wedding despite the signs. You had 1 year before wedding proper to do it but you didn't because there was no one else right?
Oh well you either ask for divorce before he turns you to final baby mama because that's what you're.
You have just one child, I bet you some other man will be willing to marry you and treat you right. Leave that marriage, you have every right to walk away madam.

Ideato/ilaje blood said...

Just talk to your mom and take a break from the marriage. Separate!!

If per adventure, you meet someone who is head over heels with your, request a divorce and marry another

salt E said...

I know some people will say she saw the signs but my dear don't beat urself cos of it.Dont even bother ur head about him coming around anytime soon, if uv prayed keep praying for urself and ur son because u didn't come to the world to become a prayer contractor.

Now, what to do do u.Work and take care of u and ur son, the day u decide to leave stand up and walk away because u aren't even seeing money.Dont be afraid to move on in life and put urself on permanent contraceptive so u don't give him another child( that can help cease ur period too).
Plan ur exit, move and don't look back.Dont seek for sympathy , someday true love will find u.

calabar Chick said...

Chai poster you have tried o!
But have u tried to call the attention of his mother since he's a mummy's boy?
Try that and if things doesn't change, go bk to your parents house for sometime and see if he wld change.
Its well with you.

white Berry said...

There are men like that. I don't just know what else to say. Think am still gonna read from the comment session to learn.

James said...

After the boring bitterleaf moon?

I am the queen and the boss of this blog said...

Poster,this guy does not love you!...
I'm sure he married you because you have a career or probably because you have your own money...
The signs were there but you ignored it!...
I don't advise people to divorce their spouse except if there is a domestic violence!...
I will only advise you ignore him and get a boyfriend!...
This two kids you have is okay for now!...cos you are the one raising them!...
Ignore him and enjoy your life!...
Don't go and kill your self because of a useless man!...

White Diamond said...

Hian!

Please, this very serious. In other words, he blackmailed you into marriage. And you said yes in order not to embarrass him. Chai! Some of these public proposals sha.
I wonder why he was in such a hurry to get married to you, even knowing that he wasn't into you.

But madam, what are you still doing in a loveless marriage na,if you've tried everything and nothing worked? I mean, what's the difference between you and a boo less single girl? A certificate and a title. Mba o! Your case di serious.

You dey try o biko.

Oh wait, you've seen War Room. On a lighter note,
See the part 2 while drinking Lucille's warmed over coconut oil. You'll definitely get inspiration.

#WhiteDiamondOut

Loveme Jeje said...

Madam na one chance marriage u enter. What do you really want.

You are free to leave but seems you don't want to leave. Anyway enjoy your marriage

Fab Mum said...

First of all, I don't understand how you got engaged to someone you weren't dating. You started courting after he engaged you..

Secondly, all this things you mentioned you noticed during the one year you dated him but still went ahead. Anything you don't confront, change in relationship doesn't go away.


Now, you need to separate from him. I didn't say divorce him. Separate from him for a while until his senses come back. Thats the way forward. And don't take in for him for now until he is ready to shoulder his responsibilities. How do you go about taking care of 98% of your house hold my dear? This isn't right on. Thats not your responsibility if he has something going for him. Unless he is expediting a down time

Becky Divine said...

Stella perhaps they'll ask her to watch War Room part 2. Lol

So madam..
From your write-up, you are bored and lonely! You didn't state if you were in love with him before you agreed to marry him! Cos i couldn't feel any excitement from your side at all.
Hope you ain't hung up on one of your ex? Hope you ain't comparing your hubby to any other man; be it an ex or new guy?

Or were you that desperate?? If not desperation, why marry someone you noticed isn't caring and romantic at all? Why marry him when you don't even sound like you loved him at all sef

Marriage is a lifetime commitment! Young girls should stop rushing into marriage cos of one stupid reason(s) or the other. Biko marry for Love! For love only!!

But marriage is also not a do or die affair!
Madam if you're tired of being treated like trash... please do the needful and divorce him! Get a divorce and move on.

Adanne said...

Lol@watch it again stella.
Madam please take a time out. I hate this kind of situation, is frustrating.

NAN said...

Lmao at somebody telling you to watch war room again......
Well well,i hate to say this....the writting was on the wall during your courtship but you chose to ignore it.He doesnt love you,make the obvious decision,bearing that in mind.

Anonymous said...

Stella. Wetin be your problem nah?
You dey cari my coments wash your *ponyon *bah?

Adanne said...

She has a child.

victoria usip said...

Hmmm this one tough o.
But maybe the man doesn't want you.what if he just wants a woman that will have all his babies?i know i speculating but i know a guy who just wants kids and isnt interested in marriage or being married.

Your sanity and peace is more important dear.

DonMayor said...

Which kind graveyard marriage be this ? That man dey gbensh outside abeg. Abeg do whatever that makes you happy.

LAS GidDY said...

How could you court someone and not see any trait at all? You hop into marriage and now claim you began to see traits. How??? It beats me flat really.

James said...

Madam. U married the wrong man and nothing can change him.
In marriage it's either you get it right or you get it wrong.
There is no solution to your woes and misery.
In your next life, look carefully before you leap.

Mary said...

Women are just too emotional. Not our fault though. Mine was not romantic too tho I later realised he was shy then cos now reverse is the opposite. Bros be dey romantic pass Romeo. The point is I saw that attitude but married him. So lucky he changed.
Madam you decide - stay and fight or leave. Emotional trauma pass beating atimes oooo. Please decide and face you and your baby. AND STOP FUNDING HIM, you be donor agency? Enough with madam independent please. You plus your baby minus him๐Ÿ˜‘

vivychoco said...

Mehn dis ISH is complicated don't even know wot to advice sorry oo

Adadioramma said...

He need to be brushed, he might be educated but lacks exposure. My dear don't go, it is a gradual process. He is not a bad person as per your narrative but lacks romantic and love in his life. Just try harder. If initiating would solve the problem, please do. He might be all this mummy boy that doesn't have anything to do with woman before getting married. It will end in praise.

Anonymous said...

Oh Lord have mercy! Poster I'm so sorry, I can't begin to imagine what this feels like cos i cant handle it. The bible says God hates divorce. I know people don't like to involve third parties but since ur seeking advice from strangers here, please talk to a spiritual leader like ur pastor or elders in your family that can help. There's something ur husband isn't saying!!!!

Anonymous said...

Watched Stella not read...so noone shud come here and te her about war room

HOUSE OF LAWOF said...

I will also read comments and learn. Fix this Lord or is the guy gay??? Maybe he got married because of the society.

I'veBeenTouchedByAnAngelWithLove said...

Very complicated. I'm also just gonna read comments.
*God bless my Angel in human form*

Anonymous said...

2kids is????

OLORI said...

Poster you already saw the signs but you ignored it...he was not really into you from the start I think he married you because he was old and old fashioned...my dear there is nothing you can do except you divorce him that's the only way...he can't change and you can't change him...the love is not even there

I'm scared of this institution called marriage sef

lastborn said...

Ten yrs after,all I see iss a frustrated,depressed,emotional wrecked woman,who Luks so much older older than her age. You are married to urself. Walk away wen you can still till d ground and not wen you are old and tired.

stunning slim shady said...

Kikikiki I was about asking u to watch War room until I read where u said u had watched it already. Kikikiki.


Its a pity ur marriage was dead on arrival; Anyways u need a break; pls do see a shrink n a marriage counsellor as well. All d best.

Anonymous said...

Blackmail my foot! She cudv returned the ring to him later that day or the next day.

ZIONA said...

Oga sees u as nothing but a baby making machine. He is gay, it's so obvious. That night he went to have drinks with his so called friend (lover) raises a red flag to me.
Please divorce this beast, u are still young, there are still good men out there.

Mary said...

Supported!

Empress CHO said...

Madam, what are you still doing there?
You will keep hanging on, suspended on this limbo till a decade goes. Then you wake up and realise you have wasted your youth and held back so much for so long on a....what the hell is this arrangement again?

Please, stop getting pregnant and port yourself out of that arrangement. It's terrible for you and your kids.
Dude married you to fulfill righteousness. But then what is the righteousness here, prolly family pressure, closet gayism or just plain selfish asexual person who wants to eat his cake and still have it by...getting a human incubator and having kids to carry his name.
Where are you and concern for your wellbeing in all of this equation and life defining decisions?

I feel bad for you, the mistake has been made already. Thankfully, you admitted you saw signs. Please, do not allow a guy's selfish and well-planned choice stop you from living. He is basically a cold sperm donor so why allow the anticipated wonder of society stop you from the warmth of life.

Count your losses and blessings. Thankfully, you are empowered. Go with your kids if he doesn't put up much fight. But pls, don't even let him use them to keep you back....It's hard but doable.

After-2 is not an end, love can always find you if you want to try again...don't fear the future much.
Let go to be able to reach a better place.

I guess we singles have learnt never to settle or condition ourselves to adjust to a longterm discomfort. If you are hot, go for fire. If you are ice-queen, seek the solemn. Compatibility is non-negotiable!
And also, we have learnt not to fall for any guy who packs his families and friends to execute a dramatic apology. All could be dry-cleaned format.....thank you poster for the lesson.

I pray you find your way, and you get divine direction from the mazes of advice here to pick right and live right.
This period is only a phase...and i know if you handle this well, you would laugh in wonder at all these in the near future.

Go get your power, decide how you want to live and shine!
I love you.

Anonymous said...

You watched war room and you didn't drink coconut oil,why?

Blackberry said...

Something is wrong somewhere...madam I don't understand, there's something 'off'.

ukwu dimond said...

madam you are the one who spoiled your husband from day one, you showed him that you are able to take care of yourself, if a man cannot provide for his family let him leave. i will not even fight over not taking care of him, is his responsibility and he must do it cos he was the one that married me and not the other way around. Hope hs is not a gay.

solution is for you to have a heart to heart talk with him, let the both families come around and discuss everything, let him tell you if he is fed up with you and your daughter, he should take his responsibilities.

all the babes waiting for already made men, read and learn oh! those already made men are not it at all, most of them have cash but they lack respect and spending money on their woman.

Anonymous said...

Poster, your issue is not exceptional. It's something we have read before relating to marrying a gay husband, a man that doesn't love you or a man trying to use you to cover a facade. You are married to a man who doesn't want to give. And you trying,praying ร nd working on it without him is fruitless. You never mentioned your family, weren't they at your wedding? Invite your mum or family members to your house if he will still put up this habits. Openly ask him for feeding money in your mum's presence and see his reaction. You're still young in marriage oo. So don't start what you can't finish. It's like you husband tricked you into marriage for a selfish reason you need to find out what that is. I don't think he is really ready for marriage.

Just Glamour said...

Not two,one child,but he wants more children from her.

Anonymous said...

Queen Onye mmacha! Where did u see two kids?

Btw.... Yourself is one word not 'your self'

Anonymous said...

To the men in the house, why do men exhibit this traits when they get married? Is the new status that scary? Why keep a woman at home, and starve her of love and affection. But continue with side chicks outside? What is the joy in doing that? Let's learn

Anonymous said...

To the men in the house, why do men exhibit this traits when they get married? Is the new status that scary? Why keep a woman at home, and starve her of love and affection. But continue with side chicks outside? What is the joy in doing that? Let's learn

Anonymous said...

permit me to say this you are married but living single. divorce the MF! let peace reing in ur life. u are better off being single and really being single

James said...

Madam are you sure you are not fat?

Sewa Joseph said...

dear poster,
There is nothing impossible for God to do, that's why they say we should seek God in marriage,whoever we get married to is supposed to help us find purpose and make us better people. I am not in your shoes and don't know how you feel, but what i do know is that God hates divorce and this is your cross, if this was me, i will shower him with kindness and just keep praying the the Holy spirit touches his heart. God can change your marriage in a split second and whatever we go through prepares us for the future, may God help you xx

mama wonder said...

Madam,u were desperate,u saw d signs and still married him,u Thot he was d only man on earth that will ever propose to u,u were afraid thinking u will remain single forever if u dnt marry him. My dear,u are the architect of ur problems. Sorry is ur name,carry ur cross/endure,I won't advice u to leave ur marriage,but that option will give u peace of mind. To me,ur husband is useless,since he only take care of 2% of ur daughter's needs,he is obviously useless to u. Dis is so annoying.

mama wonder said...

Madam,u were desperate,u saw d signs and still married him,u Thot he was d only man on earth that will ever propose to u,u were afraid thinking u will remain single forever if u dnt marry him. My dear,u are the architect of ur problems. Sorry is ur name,carry ur cross/endure,I won't advice u to leave ur marriage,but that option will give u peace of mind. To me,ur husband is useless,since he only take care of 2% of ur daughter's needs,he is obviously useless to u. Dis is so annoying.

Mary said...

He's WICKED. A man who tortures his wife emotionally is very wicked.

James said...

Maybe your something is not tight and he no dey enjoy sex with you.
Did you gbensh too many times before you marry?

PORTABLE VIV the beautiful n sexy queen of sdk blog said...

You saw the signs n decided to go on with the wedding..
This ur cross,carry it

Esthy said...

Dis one pass me

Esthy said...

Dis one pass me

Chidinma Grace said...

Leave n marry again bc that one isn't marriage.

Cynthia Iyede said...

A temporal separation might help you out. You took a big risk by marrying him despite all you experienced with him.
Take you kid, leave him for a while and keep working to take care of her. He might change but don't take in for him for now. If he doesn't change abeg waka, you'll still meet a good man that will love you and your child. Life isn't that lengthy to be sad.

Gipht said...

nawao... this is serious trouble, may God help u

Anonymous said...

I read you lady with empathy until I got to the point where you mentioned "I cook with my money. . ." then I knew that you and this man "wedded" buy not "married!"You are not "one", you both do not understand what marriage means. You both married out of sentiments, convenience, face-saving measures and so on but not married out of LOVE. That is what is missing. So there is no sacrifice, no affection, no companionship. Everyone is seeking his own; selfish ends. The signs were there, but you both did not work on it. You can both begin to work on it now but it is harder now. Before marriage, it is easier to work it out because "the chaser" has to catch and will offer so much to do the catching. You could easily say no. Now to "what to do?"

1. Introspection; you told us you've done this but there remains; for e.g. you still harbor animosity and refuse to talk to him. It can't work this way. You have to come to equity with clean hands. Perhaps the movie; FIRE PROOF will help you. I'd give you the link to watch it free: http://www.itbn.org/index/detail/lib/Networks/sublib/TBN/ec/ZnbHd5MjpV6MHBU6z-BNtr_CTBXM1b_y

This movie typically represents your story. yOU CAN WATCH IT TOGETHER WITH HIM.
2. You folks need to get "married"; get to be one. LOVE NEVER FAILS (google and read this scripture). Everything else can fail but love does not fail.
You will just be fine and come back to give us the testimony @Stella's testimony session.

Anonymous said...

I read you lady with empathy until I got to the point where you mentioned "I cook with my money. . ." then I knew that you and this man "wedded" buy were not "married!"You are not "one", you both do not understand what marriage means. You both married out of sentiments, convenience, face-saving measures and so on but not married out of LOVE. That is what is missing. So there is no sacrifice, no affection, no companionship. Everyone is seeking his own; selfish ends. The signs were there, but you both did not work on it. You can both begin to work on it now but it is harder now. Before marriage, it is easier to work it out because "the chaser" has to catch and will offer so much to do the catching. You could easily say no. Now to "what to do?"

1. Introspection; you told us you've done this but there remains; for e.g. you still harbor animosity and refuse to talk to him. It can't work this way. You have to come to equity with clean hands. You do not think that this man too needs affection? Perhaps the movie; FIRE PROOF will help you. I'd give you the link to watch it free: http://www.itbn.org/index/detail/lib/Networks/sublib/TBN/ec/ZnbHd5MjpV6MHBU6z-BNtr_CTBXM1b_y

This movie typically represents your story. yOU CAN WATCH IT TOGETHER WITH HIM.
2. You folks need to get "married"; get to be one. LOVE NEVER FAILS (google and read this scripture). Everything else can fail but love does not fail.
You will just be fine and come back to give us the testimony @Stella's testimony session.

CONTINUATION:

3. YOU DID NOT TELL US ABOUT THE NATURE OF THE FAST. Hope you've been reading the stories of ladies who fasted 6-6pm daily for 21 days on this blog and the testimonies that follows till date. If you truly love this man, it is time to offer sacrifice of righteousness and persevere until you get him back from the "hookers and tempters". Tell yourself; I will not give up, I will fast and pray and persevere until I have my husband and my daughter has her daddy!

Vivilicious said...

Madam your horseband is gay

Anonymous said...

He is a bad person, he does not pay his bills.

Vivilicious said...

The man isn't interested in marriage. He just wants kids to bear his name.

Anonymous said...

Pls walk away because it's just two years into the marriage and by this time most couples are still flexing the love and just wedded ish...but yours is already like it's ten scores old.
Pls leave, you have just a kid. Continue building yourself and focus on your kid, some0ne
will come around.



Be wise!

Sewa Joseph said...

The best comment ever, I have seen fireproof and thanks for recommending it.. ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ

Anonymous said...

Queen Queen!

You can't use this for plural Queen.

Two kids is?
Your self?

Two kids are
Yourself.

Hunnay....

Oyibo bu agbara

Ekwutosi said...

1. I must marry
2. Bella Naija proposal syndrome
3. He is gay as hell
4. He is gay again and again
5. The signs were there. I guess you both just needed to marry cos left to me it was just; see three times, propose the fourth time.
5. He is into men. That's why he's always running from toto
6. Have a plan. You can't stay for the next 50 something years of your life wondering and praying
7. Don't have another kid just yet. It won't make him love you
8. This are the best years of your life. Energy wise, beauty wise, sexually and co. Ask yourself if you want to spend it "wondering what you have done to deserve all this

meat and poultry abuja.contact us for your fresh ready to cook meat and poultry products which includes cowbeef,cowleg,cowtail,cowhead,broilers,layers,local and guinea fowl and snails.07053205036 said...

My sister you are married to the wrong man, is he gay? Pls walk away before depression takes u away.
To my dear singles it is always very important to seek God's face, I mean know his will first before you say yes to that very good guy. He can be very good and romantic but God didn't prepare him for you.
God Bless Us All

Just Glamour said...

He's all shades of frustration,even the child he doesn't Carter for and he still wants more children,something must make a woman stay glued to the marriage in your case,I can't point to any good reason why you are still suffering in his house,you are probably the one paying the rent,don't get HBP worrying you self over a man who doesn't give a damn about you,you can choose to have another child with him and close child bearing for the rest of your life,there is nothing like a happy home,and why is he contributing just 2% to the child's upkeep and still wants more,have you talked to him?have you talked to your Pastor?if he doesn't want to listen,write him a detailed letter(Sms or email)on how you feel,if he's not ready to change just walk away with your sanity.

Nee Diva said...

He is probably gay, and just wanted to marry a lady and have kids to prove otherwise.
Why do you think he rushed the proposal before courting? Why do you think he'd rather spend his wedding night with the guy(s) than with you?
Keep praying dear, but also watchbyour back and watch out for more signs.

Anonymous said...

This your story is exactly what in am going through, especially the mummy boy part. The unromantic bit is also my story, sex is a major assignment for him. I have 2 kids so I have stopped initiating it. Unfortunately I am a Christian commited to my God so cheating is not even an option. I have focused on my business and my 2 lovely children they are my joy. The sight of him disgusts me. I hate his mother for the hold he has on his life. He says the nicest things to her but no word of commendation to me. I know his freedom will come with the death of his mother. We are living like house mates. Right now I only talk to him when is highly necessary otherwise I mind my business.

Anonymous said...

Woow... Doppel I'm 1 of ur fans wen it comes to dishing out advice on chronicles, but I don't tink I can go wid u on dis
I don't kno but wen it comes to divorce , women don't really want dat, dey always want to make it work!
Poster av u tried talking to ur family...lyk ur mom or som1 whom ur close to? ....or better still approach a counceller cos u really need to heal 4rm every tin!
God help u!

chelsea umeh said...

Cow!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Lol @ prayer contractor



My dear, like the other lady said, you are just for child bearing sake.
I'm sure you work and earn very well that's one of the reasons why he decided to marry you because he knows that even if he doesn't put money down food go dey. He also might have seen your desperation to get married to him

Aren't there good qualities he possesses. Take a shot of paper write down the good qualities and then the bad ones. If the bad ones greatly out way the good ones then it is time to leave. Before you die of depression.

Anonymous said...

This story reminds me of Mr and Mrs the Nigerian movie starring nse ikpe etim.

Anonymous said...

Madam I am so sorry to say this but your husband is gay. Now that you know this, what do you intend to do?

Anonymous said...

Mehn this isnt jike o. I dont even know what to advise. But this is the very reason i just ended my 3month relationship when i saw i was just not getting enough companionship, affection etc. Sex in r/s isn't the major highlight but for you and your partner to have that emotional void filled by the love you share.. You would have left when you noticed it...
Now all I can advice you is to get his family involved (Father most importantly)

Anonymous said...

Sister, no matter what you are going through always know that God is able to make things turn around. Take your time, seek God's counsel which will never fail. God said he hates divorce. Perhaps you should pray more and leave all to God. One day, your husband will realise and things will be fine. Divorce is not an option. God bless you.

Anonymous said...

Queen and boss what sort of advice.


Later when they land in Uganda magistrate court for divorce based on premarital affairs you will be the first to insult the woman.


Poster why cheat on your man when you can leave him, after all you are the father and mother to your kids already. Before he begins to beat you, better run

Anonymous said...

This husband of yours has not attraction to any woman, but men. You see, guys like this may go chasing girls to put on a show and pretend, but in reality, he is on the down low. His mum has been putting pressure on him that she wants to see him settled down and then she wants to carry her grandchildren before she passes on. It is due to family pressure that you have fallen victim of a loveless marriage. Other men are satisfying him outside, but he does not want to come in the open and play it safe. You will give him children and if you object, another woman will oblige. You are trapped by your own will, but you have the option open to set yourself free.

I dated a married man who was exactly like your husband. The guy pretended that he was not too much into sex and would rather concentrate on his Phd research. Sex with him was unpleasant, rather a torture. I felt like sleeping with a dead wood, no romance, no kissing, no orgasm, just dead. I gave him time, thinking he would adjust. I was making all kind of excuses for him and were pleasing myself with dildo until i catch him one day doing the dirty with a very good male friend of his.

stop lying to yourself and run out of this fake marriage while you are still young. I am pretty sure you know that your husband loves men. After having been through the experience of dating a gay, i will doubt anybody that will tell me that the signs are not there to be seen. I sincerely hope that you divorce him before you lose your sanity and catch an STD. Good luck.

Ogo said...

I believe he is sleeping with his mom or he may be gay.

ngfineface said...

He is obviously GAY. Just married you to keep away from societal pressure. He is not good for you. Take a walk please

Anonymous said...

Please, please and please, do not give her this type of advice. Two people can only make marriage work if the 'two' agree. At this point, she is doing all the work by herself. In short, she is married to 'herself' and is losing 'herself'in the process.

Chiamaka L said...

These kind of men just get married to fulfill the marriage picture. So sorry about this, the only thing is, this is not our mother's time when they say Di bu nke onye nutalu, O Dibe. Make your choice but think about the kid too.

Disiree said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

POSTER, your husband DON'T love or care about you and your child! He married you because of your independence. He didn't want any liability.

My advice, is for you to live as flatmates.From your narrative, you have a sense of humor,which means you can entertain yourself. Get sex toys, STOP spending so much in the home, cook very simple meals, the economy is hard, you have to be saving more and spending less.

Read blogs, watch movies, attend events, DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE OF HAVING ANOTHER CHILD FOR HIM! He wants a boy! Unless, you want to have a second child for yourself or playmate for your daughter not to be the only child.

DON'T bother to tell his mother or friends, they will speak in his favor! DON'T cheat because the society, church and family will condemn you! Simply carry your cross,you have entered one chance.

The best amongst the cuties said...

Madam, u see me eh, I don't have much to say, if u are not okay in the marriage, pack ur load and waka, shikenan! It's not a do or die affair.

Sparkle said...

Hmmm,once a man starts pressuring you to marry him,he's hiding something. Poster you have married ooh,stick to what you have chosen all the best.

IJAY said...

Hmmmm, the is serious let me jus read comment

Ibukunoluwa said...

I don't even need to meet someone else if na me
I go waka fast with my pikin
Una see why I dey fear marriage?
I'm not impressed with marriages at all

Chikito The Professional Runs Girl said...

All these men who always have family begging on their behalf. You think it's cos they really love you? Not all the time. Sown times its cos theyve seen too many women walk away and they have have to beg so that he can marry FINALLY! Madam, that thing that happened when you went to see him and he abandoned you for days.... To me oh! That's a deal breakers. I'd never have gone back. The time when he's supposed to chasing you he wasn't having the hots for you. Na now wey him don see you finish wey him go dey romantic?
Let me shut up here. Later you will come under anonymous and abuse my spinsterhood.

Chikito The Professional Runs Girl said...

All these men who always have family begging on their behalf. You think it's cos they really love you? Not all the time. Sown times its cos theyve seen too many women walk away and they have have to beg so that he can marry FINALLY! Madam, that thing that happened when you went to see him and he abandoned you for days.... To me oh! That's a deal breakers. I'd never have gone back. The time when he's supposed to chasing you he wasn't having the hots for you. Na now wey him don see you finish wey him go dey romantic?
Let me shut up here. Later you will come under anonymous and abuse my spinsterhood.

Anonymous said...

Your hubby is gay. Take it or leave it. The signs are all over him. You chose not 2 see it before the marriage and even now.

joyous babe said...

first time to comment on this blog, it is well wt u .

Starjoy said...

I think your man is guy if not move out for a while and see if he will come begging for a change

Anonymous said...

Whitediamond you will not kee me with laugh. Lmao

Anonymous said...

Thank you! Gay alert

Anonymous said...

Welcome to my world @ poster.. My dear doppelganger mine started all after marriage.. We dated for 6 months, this was a man that was practically all over me, was so loving and caring, wld cry if I say am no more interested.. He was so cool with my mum n sister you would think they were best friends. Would strive and go out of his way to make me happy.. Fast forward to after marriage, it's like am irritating to him now, he changed completely,he just doesnt care anymore, don't know what came over him all of a sudden, it's as if though he's under a spell. I have cried, nagged, reported him to both families; he will change for few days then go back to his normal self.. He won't stop claiming he loves me, he acts all nice to me when people are around but does completed opposite when we are alone.. I am a Muslim and my religion forbids divorce especially when it's coming from a woman but I desperately want out, I deserve to be happy.. The only thing keeping me in the marriage is his family, they are the nicest in law have ever seen, his younger brother stopped talking to him for months, his mum have scolded him so many times, he keeps saying am turning his family against him. Me am tired sha they keep begging me to be patient, I don't know if I can hold on any longer..

Anonymous said...

Poster wen u met this guy for the first time u did not pray about it? Wen u saw him u call upon God speak to him about it Jesus is the perfect matchmaker he will not allow u to miss it, now u can reverse or turn with ur boy i pray u will not miss it again in marriage

odeh paul said...

my dear poster u jst hav to use ur head nd run ooo..lemme tel u r story abt ma nieghbour..diz guy was tormenting d day life out of his wife bt his wife kept cool asiv she wasn't feeln it not knwn dat she has maid an appointmnt to b transfd to anoda state very fah north..xo d day finally came wen he lft for work she tld him she was goin to d market xo she needes d car to go he gav her d car nt knwn she was abt to mov sharply..she took d car,her dauta,abt $5k jezz nd zoomed off into d tin air...til today naxo d man d beg ha mak she com bak..she jst d turnam arnd,anytym wea we ask him go say she d com diz decemba,for d past 8 years nw decemba neva reach nd na him d pay d dauta skul fees nd baby support til date..xo ma dear may God borrow u sense nd vaamus frm there since ur already workn

St.FranKooL.... said...

Poster,marriage is like crossing a very busy road...look left,look right then left again before crossing.If you don't,you'll get hit and you won't see it coming.

Never rush into a life time padlocking wedlock.....Cow wey dey in a hurry to go America go come back as corn beef...

Pen Duchess said...

Hmm my dear, that your hubby is a gal
To top it all, he is a mummy's boy? Oghene. !
The bitter truth is that most Nigerian guys are into gay thing
May God deliver us all
My dear, divorce is not an option
I would recommend the movie, war room to you.
My dear, try to watch it, and pray for your husband
Pray.! Pray. ! Pray.!

Unknown said...

Anony u ar funny,uganda...

XOXO MYSTERY said...

Could it be , he is asexual or bisexual?
Or could it be he believes as a man you should not disclose your feelings?

If this has been his character for a while then something is wrong. Getting pregnant again will not help this. I wish they have certified therapist in Nigeria to talk with him, maybe he had a childhood trauma that affected his attitude negatively.

You wear the shoes so weigh the pros and cons of leaving or staying. You obviously married out of having someone to be there for you so if you leave, what if the feeling of loneliness comes again, what do you do? There is no guarantee that you would meet someone better. If you stay, you may also regret not leaving when you had the time to do so, there is no guarantee too that he will change for the better.

But please, do not leave your matrimonial home because of any man showing you love outside. If you must leave, leave because being alone is better than being with your husband.

I wish you the best in your decisions.

KING XOXO MYSTERY

Anonymous said...

I can totally relate to what the poster is saying..its possible the man is not gay.. I had a near experience like this only that God saved me at the last minute. These type of men are sadists, very selfish, nothing excites them, ingrates, believes they are God's gift to women, I'm also sure he is very ugly..but may have pretended initially to like the poster or act like he is a good person..he is indirectly trying to make his wife pay for his failures in life.. I discovered that even if you give an arm or a leg they will never appreciate it. This man was careful enough not to do any major thing that extended family will justify as a reason for calling off the wedding. Now at the end he is making his wife pay for it. Ask the wife I'm sure his rep is soooo important to him outside..and the attachment to his mom is not because he loves her o, it's because he can easily exploit and wickedly use n manipulate her and get away with it..mothers always have a soft spot for their sons I guess.. these type of pple are honestly possessed by the devil. Pls if you are working and earn good money, rent an apartment be be moving your things out small by small..u are doing it for ur son or he will grow up like ur husband..that alone will give u some sort of joy till u move out finally. Imagine God forbid if anyth happens to u this wicked man will definitely not care for his own child. it's not worth it..just to be Mrs. Separation is not a sin. If he sends his family to beg u or u attend a family meeting, use that opportunity to wash him very well..look him in the eye and say u love urself too much to live in depression while paying for his mistakes. Marriage is for men not boys..

Unknown said...

Y ar u callin him cow nw eh kwa?if u dnt hv any advise for d poster,u keep shut and not mensuratin under sm1's comment,clear abeg...

White Diamond said...

Anon 15:23, wetin you want make I talk na? She said that she was reluctant but she still went ahead to accept and keep ring.
Maybe the guy banked on her pitying him and not returning it.
If we've not discussed marriage and mutually agreed to get married someday, don't even pull a ring on me.
The only surprise I want is the 'when.'

Dear Anon 16:52, please no die abeg. Life is beautiful.

#WhiteDiamondOut

Anonymous said...

But in Fireproof the marriage changed because the man was able to listen to his father and carry out his advice. In this case is the man ready to listen to anybody and change? God can do anything, but a willing heart helps. If he is gay as I suspect, he may shun God just to keep enjoying his lifestyle. Another thing is poster, that is just my guess. We really don't know the ACTUAL reason for his behaviour. What if he has another family somewhere? If the root of your crisis can be revealed, then a solution can be found or at least you will know if remaining in the marriage is the best option.

Anonymous said...

With all this resentment in you, you still call yourself a Christian? Nawa oo

Anonymous said...

I was in this type of scam marriage!! It got so bad that if I call him husband he'll shout and ask who's ur husband. I'm happy I'm single now . Marriage is not by force.

Anonymous said...

Ewu, what is the need for the space, abeg don't bring this local and childish habit into this blog. Stella please delete such comments.

Anonymous said...

Agreed! The two extremes are bad. Bad news if he pressures you too early, bad news if he doesn't bother about wifeing you at all even after dating for long.

crystal said...

MY DEAR YOUR HUBBY IS GAY. Had to write in capital letters just in case.

Adadioramma said...

Anon 16:34 are you married? Do you think it is a bed of roses all through? There are some sacrifices to be made. It comes in diff shapes and colours. Do you know the next person she is going to meet after divorce? Two wrongs can't make a right dear. When you see couples celebrating Golden or Silver jubilee, do you think they didn't have their ups and downs? There are so many things involved in marriage which patience and tolerance can only be the remedy.

Anonymous said...

Preach it my dear!!
Poster was desperate, pure and simple. Get a divorce

Adadioramma said...

Efulefu mmadu, am not suprise.

Patience Nwabueze said...

...if they ask you now, you will open your mouth and say you saw the signs before marriage but believed he will change.Who told you that you can change a man, oh! You even admitted that you saw the signs and blamed on not wanting to tempt him....ngwanu clap for yourself. The thunder...the thunder that will fire...ok, der is no thunder, our God is a merciful God.

There was never love from the beginning and you knew it.

It is better to marry late than marry wrong.

Bye.

SDKprincess said...

Uhm it is well madam may God help u to carry ur burden and teach u d right way to go diff people will Advice u but I want u to ask urself one question which u must Answer sincerely....WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO??millions of advice wouldn't change much if u dont understand this because at the end it all go down to what u want to do.....once u can answer urself sincerely u will know what to do...May God lead u

Anonymous said...

He is gay, hun. Leave before you get infected with HIV...

Patience Nwabueze said...

He didn't blackmail her nothing, she could have said no, it not easy I know but its also not easy staying in a loveless relationship, I mean, what's now the essence?

I'm a big fan of love and romance biko.

Miss Ferragamo said...

Your husband could be gay, you have to step up your snoop game.

DOMINA said...

Divorce him or file for separation for crying out loud. What are you still doing there?

Oh, I forgot. You have to bear MRS!!!

Enjoy then!

Anonymous said...

becky only stupid people like you watch war room and vilify it....do u even understand the message of war room?YES any body who has any problem should watch war room.....so poster please go watch war room . it basically means you let go, stop struggling and let God take over...take care of your self and child, refuse to be sad, speak the word over your marriage and watch the change that will come...it is not easy rara but yes prayer changes things....get busy and engage yourself with positive things to help with the loneliness and congi....if i tell you to cheat that will be making things worse for you emotionally....yes your husband is cheating but trust me he will face the consequences some how....you cannot be praying, fasting then cheating and expect God to answer...u have made a mistake that is obvious but beating yourself over that wont help you...single ladies this should be a lesson for you all......u must spend time with a guy toknow his habits and all before marriage....if u are not comfortable even a day to the wedding pls stop ASAP.....marriage is not do or die neither will you take the certificate to heaven..

Anonymous said...

patience shut your smelly guts.....she made a mistake how does making noise about that help the situation? when people come outwith their issues they already know they have messed up. what they need is the way forward.

Anonymous said...

Madam, I do not think you should leave, but it is time to start tasking that man for money. You have a child for him abi? Very good. Please forget about sex for now and find away to get money from him for most of the expenditure you have made. Nos. 1 - child support, 2. catering duties, 3. etc. Make sure you get funds from him and please enjoy yourself wella with friends and all because no man is worth dying for. Imagine the unnecessary stress, from today biko make up your mind not to worry again. Thank God he is always at work so do not stress yourself. Also pray that God will bless all of you including him so your heart will be free of every animosity towards him. It is well my sister. Stay strong!

Anonymous said...

His mother probably knows or suspects his son oa gay!

If you are bold, call her and out him on his gayness, them demand upkeep for you and your child in exchange for keeping your mouth shut!

kerry okoye said...

He is not a man!
Robot!
Get yourself a man, am sure he sensed your one of those feminist women, his equal that's why he left all the responsibility for you!
Ewwwww what a sham of a marriage!
Am sure he has a small girl that is eating his money and he fucks her endlessly!

Indy said...

Guy is gay as fuck! She's a beard!

Anonymous said...

Desperation made her marry a gayman..kikiki

Indy said...

Gbam!! Vivi...
Even his interest in other chic's is foe the same of children.
Him and his best man are a pair

Mrs. Romas said...

I hate public display of affection (Public proposal), poster, you should have said NO. Your husband is not into you, i believed he was pressured by his mother to bring a wife home and he found you at the right place.

I feel bad for you for ending up with such a log of a husband. He doesn't even take care of his responsibilities; that is worse. I hate men who do not take care of their homes.
I will advice you take a break from the marriage, from your write up, it seems you're working. Go to your parents, speak to them in the way they would understand. But please, do not have sexual intercourse with another man ( If you decide to do that, go and annul the marriage first). That's if he refused to change. I think your husband has hidden agenda.

Anonymous said...

Poster leave this marriage. Better things are ahead. In other news pls HR professionals in the house pls just asking how long does it take to get feedback from a company you interviewed with. I attended an interview in July and I think I did my

Anonymous said...

Christians are human and have feelings.

Anonymous said...

Smart!

Anonymous said...

Bicos girls sef no get sense,some dey force man to marry them"when is not ready...and some nag too much.want everything to happen 1day.

Anonymous said...

No mind the idiot!!christian ma yansh.๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜

vincent cent said...

Please can someone write something positive about marriages,not all this stories of man not initiating sex..when you buy household product you will see TESTED with warranty inclusive,i'm tired of reading all this sad stories, if you were romantic why didn't you attract a romantic man....is marriage by force? Before you walk into marriage shine your eyes and don't be deceived by the outward appearance, if you love money look for a rich or an average man, if you love sex look for a man with high libido so that when you quarrel with him you settle it on your matrimonial bed...

aisha jane said...

Lol.. U go fear part 2 na

Anonymous said...

Just wait until it happens to you

Andromeda O said...

I've seen the War Room.
Why do people refer to it as the solution to all marital problems though?
Poster, end this sham of a marriage.

Anonymous said...

Are you stupid? Why do adults type like this? I didn't pass the ist paragraph, I doubt if anyone did

Tush baby said...

If you can't stand the heat take a bow.

Anonymous said...

The fear of the unknown is what keeps us from being great! Madam poster, leave him for the sake of your child. And enjoy life! Do not look for love. Love would find you. Focus on being happy and free! Do not listen to any begging from anybody, most especially his friends or family. They know his orientation. Dude is gay as fuck. He can never love you. He doesn't know how to. Leave for the dake of your sanity.

Anonymous said...

People are funny. You dont support divorce but prefer her to get a boyfriend.which is worse? divorce or adultery?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 17:40, can U holla me? Need female friends.

Anonymous said...

The most notorious of such married gaymen now is Charles Chuks Okeke,an event planner.married with 2 kids and sleeps with everything that has balls.women,watch ur husbands o.ds one wld give wife disease cos he does skin with his gay brothas

Anonymous said...

Lindson Obakpolor is one notorious married gayman

beeolah said...

It is well poster, u wear d shoe u know where it pinches. Follow d advice that suit u.

Chidinma Gift said...

Madam he's gay, he just married you to give him kids..

Oreva said...

Depression is bad,pls to save u Frm going insane,walk away.

Jay perry said...

Hahahahahhahahaha

Anonymous said...

Sometimes you just disgrace yourself witu the way you carry yourself. Stop it

Anonymous said...

My luv

Anonymous said...

Come to think people gathered to celebrate the day they gave birth to this idiot called James

SWAG LAFRESH said...

I use to bring it up as gist when I'm dating o. No public proposal biko. I don't want anyone to put me in a tight corner.

Madam, please divorce him.

Esther d star said...

@Indy ua so right,him nd his bestman are a pair

Anonymous said...

Did u read well?u dnt av sense.if u have nothing tanjible to say plzz shuuush!!!

Anonymous said...

Anon17:34 please do shut up

Krystal said...

Poster, I really feel for you,it must be hard even though u saw the signs,you shouldn't have accepted the proposal at all.I pray that God will give you the wisdom in this trying times,your husband might probably be gay...try and do some lil snooping...all is well.

Anonymous Since2012 said...

The first thing that comes to mind is the question of if he is gay. Of which that question should have crossed your mind as well. But if not, then he's just not into you and married you for a peculiar reason best known to him. I would say you cross your heart for the last time and bare your mind out to him and if he continues in his non-challant ways then do as your heart pleases

Anonymous said...

Na igondo magistrate court.

Mee... said...

My advice: Just separate from him. He's really not worth it. When you find the right man, you can divorce him. My 2 cents. Wish you the very best.

I cant shout said...

This is almost like my marriage except that my husband cares about me and the kid's welfare
He takes very good care of us and all but no romance or sex, so i lost every emotional connection to him
I kept praying that he changes but for wia? It got worse.
In 8 months, not even a hug, not to talk of peck until his parents waded in after I threatened divorce and he managed to do 2 times and shikenah till another maybe 6 months or more.
Do i want to keee myself because of a man's blockhorse? Mbanu
Do i want to be a single struggling mother of two and give up the cushy lifestyle my kids and i got used to? Heck NO
At least there was no DV involved. He is a good man but not romantic at all... I gave up in the 5th year of the marriage and accepted my fate that it's not happening (change)
So what did i do?
I left the country to do my masters with his approval and support of course, but guess what? That is sai gobe indirectly.
I need to develop myself to become independent for my kid's future.
Shift your focus to more important things
Forget divorce... How are you sure the next person you meet will be better than your husband
If his good side outweighs his bad side, then work around it (the situation)
Don't worry, you'll be fine
You will survive
E-hugs from a sister

Bonnygal said...

Na wa o. Poster ur horseband is GAY, his bestman at ur wedding is his partner. D deed has been done just look for way forward. This is not a marriage or let's say u're married to yourself. Forget him cos he isn't worth it, concentrate on ur child, in short move out of his house and get a place, just leave that sham u call a marriage and love will definitely find u.
U can't be living in his house and expect love to find u, so please leave. That's my 2 cents.

lastborn said...

Had headache reading,there is no nees trying to pass a msg dat is not readable.

Anonymous said...

How I wish this is my problem now.

Anonymous said...

I hate when single girls try to advice married girls. U all do oversabi too much something you have no idea about.
A friend of mine was like that, always saying I can't take this and that only for her to marry the worse one. Stop the advice

Anonymous said...

Exactly.. Leave him

Michael Atasie said...

my dear, your "husbandman" is gay

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