Na wah...but why?
MARRIAGE WITH INTERFERENCE FROM MIL
Hi Stella. The year 2016 has indeed been a very eventful year for me. Before today, i would have said it was the best year ever. I met my husband in 2015, we got married in January 2016 and am a proud mother of a 3 month old baby girl.
Now, here is my dilemma. My husband is from Itseƙiri and he is the 1st son of his mother. I am Yoruba. I noticed not long after we got married that his mother loved interfering in our marriage. I was quiet about that and felt maybe it was still the excitement of her 1st son being married. But i was so wrong.
I read a chronicle here where a woman complained about her MIL that named her baby without her consent and i smiled. That same thing happened to me.
Hi Stella. The year 2016 has indeed been a very eventful year for me. Before today, i would have said it was the best year ever. I met my husband in 2015, we got married in January 2016 and am a proud mother of a 3 month old baby girl.
Now, here is my dilemma. My husband is from Itseƙiri and he is the 1st son of his mother. I am Yoruba. I noticed not long after we got married that his mother loved interfering in our marriage. I was quiet about that and felt maybe it was still the excitement of her 1st son being married. But i was so wrong.
I read a chronicle here where a woman complained about her MIL that named her baby without her consent and i smiled. That same thing happened to me.
My husband and I were still in the hospital when my MIL walked in and named my baby. I expected my husband to counter her as we had already named her but he did nothing. She even insisted that the name she gave my baby must be the name we call her. I was pissed but i let it pass again out of respect for her.
As months began to pass i started to notice her interference was getting out of hand. Any decision made by my husband and I must be supported by her and if not it gets thrown of the window.
Today's event was the height. I stood my ground and told my husband that i have had enough. This is my child and i have the right to make decisions about her too. I was carrying my baby in my arms to bath her so i could go get ready for work. Immediately i made the above statement, my husband descended on me. OMG, i have never been so scared for my life and my baby's life. I was thrown on the floor and given the beating of my life. My face still hurts and stings from the numerous slaps and my body hurts from the blows.
I had to call my office in tears to tell them to please excuse me for today. My baby is just 3 months old.
I waited for him to leave for the office and i packed all my things together with my baby. This is the second time of him beating me. I was pregnant the first time. I don't want to wait for the third time at all.
My folks are not even based here so i had to pack to a friend's house. Folks are not even supporting my moving out. They are saying its a part of marriage, its normal and every woman goes through it. I refuse to accept that. What is wrong is wrong. Many woman have died from domestic violence and many are suffering in silence.
I don't have much but i am already looking for a self contain apartment. With the little i have, i will support my little one. God will help me. All i am concerned about now is saving enough for the future of my baby. At 27years, i am already a divorcee. It is well.
Nigerian MILs should learn to stop meddling in their son's home and likewise Men should realise they now have a family of their own.
A man that is supposed to protect me, hurt me. Say no to domestic violence and stand your ground.
I have attached my picture, and my precious little one's picture for your eyes only.
As months began to pass i started to notice her interference was getting out of hand. Any decision made by my husband and I must be supported by her and if not it gets thrown of the window.
Today's event was the height. I stood my ground and told my husband that i have had enough. This is my child and i have the right to make decisions about her too. I was carrying my baby in my arms to bath her so i could go get ready for work. Immediately i made the above statement, my husband descended on me. OMG, i have never been so scared for my life and my baby's life. I was thrown on the floor and given the beating of my life. My face still hurts and stings from the numerous slaps and my body hurts from the blows.
I had to call my office in tears to tell them to please excuse me for today. My baby is just 3 months old.
I waited for him to leave for the office and i packed all my things together with my baby. This is the second time of him beating me. I was pregnant the first time. I don't want to wait for the third time at all.
My folks are not even based here so i had to pack to a friend's house. Folks are not even supporting my moving out. They are saying its a part of marriage, its normal and every woman goes through it. I refuse to accept that. What is wrong is wrong. Many woman have died from domestic violence and many are suffering in silence.
I don't have much but i am already looking for a self contain apartment. With the little i have, i will support my little one. God will help me. All i am concerned about now is saving enough for the future of my baby. At 27years, i am already a divorcee. It is well.
Nigerian MILs should learn to stop meddling in their son's home and likewise Men should realise they now have a family of their own.
A man that is supposed to protect me, hurt me. Say no to domestic violence and stand your ground.
I have attached my picture, and my precious little one's picture for your eyes only.
OMG,I am so sorry dear.I really dont know what to say at all but for now you probably made the right choice...Did you ever try talking to you MIL?
I would do that one on one,woman to woman.
@crouching tigress, you pity 15.54? I am not her but i understand what she is talking about! SILENCE IS THE BEST ANSWER FOR FOOLS! Believe me, it works! SURVIVAL first! As long as he fulfils his duties at home by providing and caring for the home, stay your lane on certain issues. Do you know what our mothers have gone through to give us that stable and peaceful environment for us to thrive in? You think kids from single parents home don't wish to have both parents? Of course, they will deny it but in their vulnerable moments they speak out.
ReplyDeleteRoger that broomstick my mom is efik! Don't beat a woman at all! Divorce separate whatever but don't abuse in any way at all! PARENTS TOO don't ever make your child feel like she can't come back home! Please check well before you marry. Investigate oooo. Check the family because na there you dey marry put.
ReplyDelete16.15, as much as the truth hurts, you are very right. I am a Nigerian woman who have been made to know that without a man i am nothing!
ReplyDeleteThe society will not hesitate to rub it in, at anytime you make a mistake! I am a product of my environment. Every Nigerian born woman suffers from low esteem without them knowing it even if they travel overseas. It is in grained in us. Many will come under our comments to rant and reject it, but they are living in denial!
What a pity about your friend. The murderous idiot will soon bring a new wife in with the flimsy excuse of who will take care of his children. And he might not end up beating the new wife because of fear of what he did to his first wife, and people will think it was the first wife that had problems and the new wife will be mouthing off, how sweet her marriage is and marrying the best man on earth. Smh!
She should be using her menses and piss to be cooking for the mofo! Bloody idiot! Naked her in front of his children kwa?
ReplyDelete@peace Mofo, DO YOU BEAT YOUR COLLEAGUES, BOSS AND FRIENDS IF THEY TRIGGER YOUR ANGER? BUFFONIC IMBECILE! You speak as if you don't have sisters or a daughter in future!
ReplyDeleteSo funny, woman world. I bet 78% of you ladies here suggesting she leaves permanently are already bad MIL in the making. Your MIL was once a hot babe. Be wise no home is without a fight but anger management is key. Poster You failed to read out your weaknesses but only play victim. Two agree before working together successfully.
ReplyDeleteI am a guy and I know some of you ladies would object to what i'm about to say.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your husband is an asshole for laying his hands on you for whatever reason. Silent treatment is always better and more dignifying.
Now;
Poster ask yourself this, if it was your mother who named you baby would you have harbored this same venom in you towards your mother? I ask this because it is obvious most women of these days are getting carried away with the fact that we are in a continent where marrying a man/woman equates to marrying the whole family..
Many of us who are parents or matured enough to get married now were actually named by either our grandmothers or grandfathers from either father's or mother's side and we are doing very well.. So sorry I dont think its a crime your MIL naming your baby. But I must agree that your weakling of a husband should man up mostly in situations where the both of you have made a joint decision.
Secondly this is your side of the story, only God knows what you must have said to his mother for him to fly into such rage. First sons, last borns and only children are always extremely protective and "overprotective" of their their mothers. If you didn't know learn to control what you say mostly in anger.. 90% of such men would beat the devil out of you if you dare insult their mothers. Next time insult his father instead, men generally tend to ignore that.
Now, please report your husband to his family, not just his mother. Your parents should do that. Let them resolve this once and for all. Marriage is filled with ups and downs. Let me tell you. Majority of these people saying yes leave your husband, divorce him, if you know them and check their live you'll see that most are single or even desperate spinsters (No offence) who certainly would not leave their husbands if they were the ones in your shoes. Leave all the noise making online.
Your husband owes you and your baby a huge apology for his actions but please my sister threat things with a calm disposition. Everything would be alright.
Marriage is 4 better 4 worse till death do u part BUT domestic violence of any form is a no no 4 me.Seek d face of God,dnt be in a haste 2 rent a place of ur own,stay wit ur family or close frnds instead.U re nt yet a divorcee,be positive nd optimistic in ur reasoning even ur MIL can change positively 2wards u notin is impossible.4 d sake of ur child,seek peace
ReplyDeleteDomestic violence doesn't only involve physical abuse.
ReplyDeleteIf you are a woman fond of abusing your man because you think that no matter what on earth you do you are covered, you are also an abuser.
You can not torment people by emotional or psychologically abusing them and not expect a counter reaction.
Besides until we hear the man's story we don't know what the full detail of this matter is. If you like keep deceiving yourself that you can even kill a man and not expect a reaction, you would only end up surprised.
Women and men who have taken marriage vows should be matured enough to treat each other with respect and empathy.
Enn amethyst u too will be a mother in law one day,and as u av treated urs so u will be treated
ReplyDeleteThis poster from her write up sounds arrogant and rude and I do not think she likes her mother in law a bit,if one doesn't like her mother in law before marriage after during marriage she will.stjll not like her, poster check ur attitude please ans respect ur mother in law no matter wat,then make sure ur heart is free from envy,hate and anything evil,u will see the hand of God turning things for ur good
ReplyDeleteDoppelgänger, I like you but stop being too smart. Athiests comment and yours are similar, he just elaborated more. Yes the mom is the instigator (it's not until she tells her son to whoop his wife that she's the problem) raising the son to be a beast, isn't she the root cause? Please you give reasonable advices, but pipe down on your itk small. You must be a feminist (nothing wrong in that) you'd marry too, soon, hopefully. All the best!
ReplyDeleteEvil peace maker, u are a bastard. Ode
ReplyDeleteTayan shut up.....insult how? In your myopic mind it's only insults tha warrant beating Abi?
ReplyDeleteMumu...stay there till he kills you. It's women like you that lack self esteem that die in marriage...fool he has brainwashed you to think it's your fault you get beaten Abi? No man has a right to beat any woman, get that and stop allowing him hit you
ReplyDeletePoster please please please please do not move back in. Please, he has shown you who he is! BELIEVE HIM!! You do not want your daughter growing up to see this.
ReplyDeleteAnd please call her by the name you gave her; do not call her by the name 'that' woman gave her, what rubbish!!! Useless African mentality.
Do not go back!! Call your daughter by the name you've given her.