Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Kai!!!!

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

ABOUT TO WED BROUHAHA

Hi Stella,


Let me start by saying you're doing a good job with your blog. You have no ideas how many lives you have saved from depression, making the wrong decisions and frustration. Thank you for allowing yourself to be used positively.




I'm sending in this post so I won't end of sending in a Chronicle in the future. I am engaged to a 37yr old man, I'm 33 yrs old but despite my age and the way our society frowns at being unmarried at a certain age as a woman, I don't believe in ignoring signs.




My fiancé's mother calls him endlessly! I'm talking like 3-4 times daily and not short conversations oh. She even calls at odd hours despite the time difference (she's in Nigeria, we are in Canada). Initially I thought it was cute, I just felt they're a really close family which is actually a good thing because they lost their father when he was just 12 years old. Ok don't get me wrong. I think she's a wonderful woman, she's really nice but her not being able to respect boundaries is a huge bother to me. He tells her everything. They're like gossip partners. To the point where I'm now forced to keep certain things to myself for the fear of him updating his mother. And sometimes I have to include 'Please let this stay between us' before I can share somethings with him.



He's the first boy, has an older sister and a younger brother. At some point in our relationship, I got to know that the family do not really like the sisters husband. They believe they don't have as much access to her as they should because of him. But I've come to realise the sister actually wants it like that because she knows how their mother can be, so she keeps her out of her family business.



This is something my fiancé doesn't know how to do. He tells his mother everything, even things concerning our relationship that shouldn't get out.

Also i observed his expectations of our relationship is for me to always make adjustments to suit him but he never wants to do the same for me. When I bring it up with him he says that's the way he does his things so I either take it our leave it. We had a big quarrel one time I spent the weekend at his place and his mom called me to intervene. I explained my side of the story to her and next thing she says is 'My son doesn't tell lies'. Please note that this is not the first time she's making that statement. 

How do I tell someone older than me that that's a lie? So instead I politely told her that I understood her but their relationship as mother and son can never be the same as what I have with him. I wouldn't say he lied if he didn't and I even had proof. Next thing she's telling me marriage is a school and if I'm going to marry her son I have to show more tolerance and learn to overlook a lot. To her 'his good sides outweigh the bad'. I used to think so too but I no longer agree as he now finds it so easy to disrespect me in front of his younger cousins presently staying with him (that's another issue, he takes in everyone that comes to Canada and his brother is about to relocate and come stay with him as well till he can work, save and bring over his family). 

His cousins now think it's ok to say 'Hi' or 'Whatsup' to me instead of greeting me well like they used to. I tried to tell him I don't appreciate it and rather than apologising he told me 'this is who I am. I will do it again if such happens again'. He made this statement when a particular incident occurred, my friend a guy who is married messaged me while we were all having dinner to give me some information I had earlier requested from him for my work. He shouted that why would the guy be messaging me at night and I tried to water down the situation because his cousins were there. Next thing that followed- insults.




By the way, both his siblings are married with kids. From conversations, he's never really had a serious relationship and has no kids anywhere.




Bottom line now is, we had another quarrel on Sunday and next thing I know his mother sends me a message saying 'Don't you get tired of quarrelling?'. I was so upset that she didn't even ask me what happened. Besides, why is she involved in the first place???? She called me severally and I did not pick up. I replied her saying I really appreciate her concern but I don't think it's right to keep bothering her with issues we can settle between ourselves and that she shouldn't be offended that I was not in the right frame of mind to talk. I promised to call her the next day but I didn't.

 I haven't heard from her since then which is unusual as she's big on daily Whatsapp broadcasts and messages. I sense he must have told her to stop communicating with me. Mind you, she has been pushing for a wedding date (we did our intro in Nigeria in July), and whenever I tell her to give us time (my family) she acts disgusted and won't speak to me for days. I see where he gets his 'my way or the high way' attitude from. Makes me wonder if they're hiding something and if they will change towards me once we get married. Also, I have avoided telling my family too much as I sense they would frown at the relationship if they knew some of these things, especially my mother.




There's a whole lot more I can't say, because it's just too long. Sorry for the epistle. But based on the above, BV's please tell me, 'Is this an accident waiting to happen? Has God given me enough signs to know the marriage won't be a happy one for me if I go ahead with it?'. Or am I just overreacting? Please I need your sincere comments. Stella please hide my identity as his sister is a BV. And kindly include your red ink wisdom.

Thanks

*Thank God you are a woman and will have kids one day.

Nobody can break the bond between a woman and her kids unless it is juju you wanna use....I am a mother and by Gods Grace i intend to be very present in my boys life,One cannot say how involved now but his behaviour comes from love and wanting to protect a child...

Why don't you remove your eyes from their mother-son relationship and try to build yours with them individually?

I think you also need to relax cos i found a problem with the text i highlighted up there.

Aside from your guy having problems,you are also complicated.If you cannot accept his relationship with his mum or his behaviour then dont go ahead with the Marriage...it is that simple.