Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Thursday, 26 October 2017

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmmmm......





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
UNAVALIABLE BOO
Good day Stella and lovely bvs.

I'm engaged to be married to a man i love. Everything seemed wonderful for some time. We ve been friends for four years...and then feelings grew and we dated for four months, now we re engaged.
But there is something nagging in my mind.

"KK" is insensitive to my feelings. Initially i felt itwas just because he is of a soft nature...but lately i can't seem to ignore.
I can't have a problem bothering me, and he would go all out to share in my problem. Instead, he ld treat it lightly. What's worse, he doesn't ever stand for me whenever smthn wrong happens wt another person. "KK" either walks away or keeps quiet, or might even take the other person's side.

Let me try to paint a better picture! What i have in mind of a spouse is to have a best friend in a partner. Funny thing is that he used to be my best friend. But imagine explaining a particular problem to a frnd, talking for ages and nearly in tears, and the friend mutters one or two sentences in reply and moves on with his life. Or in his presence you are upset with someone and he is barely interested. 


I hope i hv not managed to confuse you, but i feel like i dnt even have a friend in him anymore. When i complain, he keeps saying he's sorry that he doesnt mean to, its just his nature.
It may seem petty to some, but everyone has that "priority" in marriage for them.


I'm not one that has lots of friends, so i need someone, that one person, that i can just tell everything that's bothering me to, and feel like i'm talking to someone!! Someone that visibly shares in my pain, that can take my side and have my back in all things.

This is visibly hurting me, and i'm good as ready to put aside a successful man that undoubtedly loves me and wants to be with me...but can't be there for me when i need him to!! My emotional needs are not being satisfied and i ld just be dying inside.


72 comments:

Anonymous said...

See her now oo.. God loves you to show you signs now, instead make you use your brain, you still dey write chronicle.. OK now, you go soon write a rejoinder soon after you don hear weee for that your man hand



@ANONYMOUS ORUBEBE

Miss Ess said...

Like he said, it could be his nature. But if you can't tolerate him, let him go. Your happiness is paramount.

Yori Yori Princess Loveme Jeje said...

Poster leave him so that you will not die inside.

Do you think the man is a weaverbird that talks and talks just because you want to talk too. Allow him as far as he is not giving you stress, good.

If you need a talkative and fighting person who will have your back, i will advice you look for chike type hahahahaha

Anonymous said...

Let me bug this afternoon


I am very sure, he was just good as FRIENDS, but you started giving him signs... You moved him from friendship zone to DATING ZONE.. I am sure you are just a very big BONE in his throat.. He is even tired of you sef... Your wahala is too much.... He is even regretting sef....... He wish to still remain in FRIENDSHIP ZONE, instead of this boring and bondage zone you have mandated him to be.


Abeg free the guy.... May be he is even gay sef.





@ANONYMOUS ORUBEBE

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmm

I am still waiting for my own man,

Till then, I can't say I understand you

HighlyFavoured said...

This is usually d problem DAT relationships DAT turned from mere friendship, leads to marriage.
Most times, it is d unnecessary closeness DAT led to DAT and d ladies are most times d ones initiating it or sending signals.
These attitudes of his will magnify in marriage.bcos he is not crazily in love w u.
I will suggest u give it a break. If he wants you, let him chase u tirelessly, then u guys can continue.
Otherwise, u will be a lonely, bitter, angry wife, or a cheating wife.

SUGAR. said...

Errrrmmm Aunty, it seems you guys are not 'Sensitivitically compatible' (chai Sugar you Sabi book! See English!).

OR

You often bug him with your pesornal shit and you know it can be quiet draining to listen to the rambling of others. Are you a talkative?

MichiHay said...

Please whats she saying...I doon't seems to understand.

Atheist ™ said...

Red flags:

Lack of communication.
Active "Ignore button"
No empathy.
Bad judge.
Emotional torture.
Silent treatment.
Married but feels single.
Stale/dwindling love... etc.

Like he said, its his nature... weigh the pros and cons, toss a coin, watch a pendulum swing... then make ur decision if that headache is worth Panadol or TylenolPM every once in a while till death do u part

Anonymous said...

My hubby is like that. It hurts when he is always not on my side
But guess what! He always supports me behind my back. I see his chats with his sisters and family, where one of his sisters said love too dey shack him.
Then I wonder. He is trying to be fair after all. But I do support him, fair or no fair.
That's why I am his wife. To give him support and tell him he can move mountains

sexy Daddy said...

Women! Wetin una want self


Can somebody put me through biko?
Ayam not understanding any longer..

apurentisi iya osho mama a.k.a anonymous to bahd said...

He was your best friend and put your letters and issues on head like his personal gala. Now he's boo he care less. There are friends and there husband/wife material. Convert him back to friend and move on but no, desperation no go gree you. Anyway sha. I don tok my own. Not all men can be husbands and not all women wives. Be wise. Soon you'll allow Timi dakolo and freezer to be having beef because despite seeing this you'll go ahead and answer mrs. Shior.

Twale iya mi osho! Iba o! 🙌

Madam Estateowner said...

POSTER, my piece advice for you is to have a heart to heart discussion with your guy, i mean hard talk. Bare your mind to him and tell him what you expect of him and how his nonchalant attitude is affecting you emotionally and your not the type that can overlook such caring trait because it matters a lot to you. He used to be your best friend and who knows he might be going through some challenges that might be bbugging his heart. Be open to each and bare it all out and tell him to consciously work on that area. A man is supposed to protect and shield you from dangers in his own possible means and not turning away. And if that trait is not in him then you need to look well. Discuss with him extensively and watch changes if not take your decision

BRENDA C. said...

My dear...your emotional needs are as important as air is to you...u need air to live and its the same way you need emotional satisfaction to function in your marriage. You already feel alone now that u're not married, what makes you feel he'll change after marriage or that you'd even get used to it of feel indifferent? You're walking on hot coals...if you cant connect emotionally, if he cant be the man you can always count on..if he cant fight for you and with you....then you're marrying yourself...coz he's not available in all the places that counts the most.

Let him go and wait for better
...but you're sure you can overlook or ignore...den go ahead with the friendly
stranger.

LUCIFER said...

the truth is he isnt feeling it anymore, you dont ignite the passion in him anymore. he sees you as his sister. but wait o0ooh do you guys converse while gbenshing? i ask bcoz it will help us determine what the real problem is lol.

Miss Juliet said...

Shebi u will not run now. When Timi will write again u people will start attacking him.
You have a problem of wanting to be attached to someone and your Boo is not that kind of person. No need going ahead with d marriage cos u might end up frustrated. Pray to find someone who will understand and satisfy your emotional needs.

Eleganza said...

why not talk to him first n let him know how you feel, think twice ooo if is something you can endure all your life better leave now bfor is too late.

Anonymous said...

Beavis, how will u understand

Anonymous said...

Well, some people are like that and it is not as if they don't love you but that is just their nature.

apurentisi iya osho mama a.k.a anonymous to bahd said...

Iyawo do da! But please balance that support, learn to sweetly deliciously but honestly tell him where or when he's wrong or amiss. Sometimes we don't wanna "spoil" you girls by always openly supporting, good you saw that chat. You let one of us tab you in his presence and see how he'll fight for you!

Bubul said...

i think is the normal thing you will experience when you about to get married . hope you are not comparing him to another man. it is well with you.

apurentisi iya osho mama a.k.a anonymous to bahd said...

Finsih the statement, "quit draining to listen to the rambling of women...".,

Iya no vex o, na play o! You no dey kuku ramble!

kikki said...

He can't be who he isn't. And, dont let yourself or anyone else deceive you that he will change. Wipe your tears Honey! He is not the right life partner for you.

Ezenwanyi said...

Women sha! We always want everything, you want a friend, a partner, a second daddy, a fighter etc. Try to make some friends over dependency on a spouse isn't healthy and never ends well

Okafor Cynthia said...

My dear the signs are always there,advise yourself ooh

Anonymous said...

This is one of the things Timi was trying to explain in in his writeup and some didn't understand. Tomorrow u will start divorce proceedings cos you didn't complete each other.

Hot P!nk Lips said...

Sweetheart Body language conveys 70% of what we are saying than mere words..He may be saying it but not meaning it...have you tried talking to him about your concerns? When you both are in your happy mood and you see he is happy, ask him in a loving way about how he handles some issues and all and you want to know why he is ''emotionally unavailable'' try it babes and he will pour out his heart to you..Please dont nag him or yell at him...you would also try other means but if there is no headway...Please take a walk and let the love you seek find you..

Anonymous said...

Thank God God for this husband you gave me, I am grateful Lord.
Aunty, leave that man alone because this marriage you see hmmmm you need to be emotionally alert, marriage is so deep. Talk to him and if he doesn't change pls leave him.
Sugar, your English is on point.

Firstlady blessing said...

This is exactly what Timi was talking about, u better have a heart to heart discussion with this man and then make ur decision.

apurentisi iya osho mama a.k.a anonymous to bahd said...

Quite...

Shirley said...

Poster this might just be what your husband do behind you.

Shirley said...

Communication is everything in a relationship, if this is lacking then there is problem.
You can forward the link to him so he heed to advice here and sit up.

Anonymous said...

Trust me poster, he cares about you and your needs and troubles, he's just not the expressive type, some men are like that. From experience, these type of men will go to the grave with you, come what may. They are absolutely loyal to their spouse. Politely bring it up with him with a view to helping him translate what's inside, outside. Don't be critical and judgmental about it. For your sake, he should make the effort, it's something that can be learned. He should feed that hunger in you.

BEDS AND ROSES said...

Maybe you talk too much, complain every second and the guy is tired.
Most men don't talk too much. How old are you that you don't know this.
You want him to join you in cursing and keeping malice with everyone you fight with.
Youre not mature for marriage pls. Keep looking for the man that will help you in joining wrapper and fighting ppl.
I for one hate men that talk too much. Grow up pls. Take your issues to God and your earthly parents. Not every man is the sort with a listening ear, so far he treats you well and doesn't belittle you with your problems.

Blackberry said...

Friends turned lovers: he's bored.

Anonymous said...

listen carefully.That "KK" u are talking about, hope it's not Chris u are referring to? The fair lazy guy running his HND somewhere in Logo state. Besides, that guy has never loved u. He goes about saying all sorts to his friends about you, how he's with you because of the financial benefits, how you forced him to take kola to your people in your place. See, he doesn't love you and he's tired of giving you signs. You are still young baby girl, move on.

charitybino said...

Lemme read comments

Push up said...

Simple and short, if you can't stay, leave na. You already said you can't manage someone like that so waka. You can't expect an adult who has been a certain way all his life to change in a second, it takes time plus some men do not know how to take control they let you do you, so if you can't be patient enough to with him please let him go. Most girls complain about certain traits in their men forgetting that they are not 100 percent perfect plus it not by force rather than trying to change the 5percent flaw the guy has

Push up said...

Don't mind her, everyone wants to write chronicle, it's not by force na, no one is 10/10 this one problem his has you want to change it and you are not even patient about the change, you want it fast fast. Marrying this guy is not by force, she's looking for who will be fighting for her in public and keeping malice with people she's not talking to

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire a.k.a Ugegbe Chike Teflon said...

Na you send chronicle.
Na you answer yourself.

Aunty what do you want me to do? He is not meeting you halfway emotionally, ba? Okay.

He is successful? Great news! Is that what you are holding on to? My darling, people are making legitimate money everyday oh. Be not deceived. Abeg, as we dey find financial support, make find other things like emotional support. Cos if this guy doesnt work on his empathy levels, you will join the line of those who say 'money is not everything' 'i would rather be happy in a keke than cry in a bugatti' and make us (them, actually cos i dont believe that sh*t) think successful guys don't make happy husbands.

Nne, he doesn't get it and the truth is he actually can, if he sees that it is a problem in your relationship. What can make him see it as an issue? You need to communicate to him how much this aspect means to you and as his babe, you should learn what best drives a message home. If you don't, then don't bother getting married to him cos that knowledge is his mumu button and you must have it. All I am saying is, Do something more effective than just 'whining' about it. When talk no do, na time for action.

If he doesn't realize after the action, pack up and keep it moving.

My two kobo said...

You said you've been friends for 4years, what made you his friend? What qualities did you see in him that made you leap from friendship to relationship? This thing you are complaining about now, isn't it supposed to be one of the crucial things you look out for in a lifetime partner? Someone that'll be there for you both emotional, physically and spiritually ; share in your pain et al? Abi you were looking at something else when you were catching feelings?
So what made you notice this deficiency? He was not bowing to your every whim and caprice?

Babe, answer these questions honestly, then you will have answers to your present dilemma...

P.S you are whining to the wrong person. Communication is key, go and talk to him, don't whine here!

#feelfreetopissbelow

My two kobo said...

LMAO!!! Anonymous 15:35, not nice na, and I'm assuming you're Butthead???

Iya Oshoronga of Blogosphere AKA Mrs Always RIGHT said...

This anonymous orubebe is fake. The original one does not write in paragraphs.

Lipstick said...

Orubs, easy now. Is this one advice or scolding. Looool

Poster, if his attentiveness and support is priority, i will advise you walk away now.

If not, manage him like that, no one has it all

Anonymous said...

Hmmm
Hope you don't nag and fight everyone?
My husband used to take things personal and I got tired of it. So all I did ten was keep quite and walk away if possible. Took a while for him to change but he did.
If you are not, please think well. My advice to all singles is to marry your friend.

Anonymous said...

Nice one Beds and Roses

KING XOXO MYSTERY

Anonymous said...

But they say marry your friend

KING XOXO MYSTERY

Anonymous said...

You are dating a fixer. He will give you "solutions" to your problems and doesn't care much about the emotional issues. This is where your girlfriends come in, you need them as a support system for the days you tearfully want to vent
I don't think you should let him go, you'd need some more courtship time to understand each other's language. Tell him sometimes you need him to listen and just listen and if you need his advice, you'd ask.
You sound like a very sensitive and emotional person. This means you care alot about others too. Unfortunately it means you can be dramatic, re evaluate yourself and try to keep calm especially when all you want to do is cry or yell.

Anonymous said...

Yori today again your advice set!

Anonymous said...

Exactly! It appears their personalities are clashing. And they are not even married yet.

Anonymous said...

Poster has already indicated he doesn't want to listen. She talks too much in his eyes already, so she might not get through to him. Poster, you need to find out his own particular love language (aka mumu button), then try to reach him through that. If you two want to make it work, you both have got to compromise.

Anonymous said...

Exactly. Poster, take this to heart.

BEDS AND ROSES said...

Don't mind her. This isn't even a chronicle.
Alot of baby brides are getting married nowadays. When you see men keeping quiet like that when you are ranting it is because they don't just involve themselves in petty things.
You want someone you will complain your sister did something then they will join you in calling your sister anuofia,idiot and all sorts and advising you how to show her.
Is that the sort of husband you want. Does that show support.
A good man calms you down when you are pissed and doesnt support you in your pettiness.
My husband is like that. I will rant and rant. He will just say sorry and keep off.
So me sef stopped ranting to him before he thinks this woman na so so ranting and nagging she knows.
So I have the friends I gist with when I need ranting partner.
That man obviously loves and respects you. If you like throw him away. Another girl that appreciate a cool guy will snatch him up and you will now have REAL chronicles to send.

Anonymous said...

Ewooo!

Super Model said...

Biko call off the marriage if you can't accommodate his attitude and save us further chronicles.

Jane's Sparkles boutique said...

No one can advise you better than yourself, if you won't live a fulfilled life with him take a walk.yours will find you.

sholetoga said...

Poster.....why do you people like creating trouble where there's none. Someone is quiet in nature and you want him to become gburugburu.....like seriously.
You have a good man but you want the one that will be fighting people on your behalf or abusing people for you ko. I no pity you with what you are looking for......
Is it every time that you are having issues ni, do you know what issues he's dealing with on his own.....that it's your issue he will carry like gala on his head......
Abeggi, leave the gentleman, and go find the man that will be fighting and abusing people for you, so that he can find a good lady that will appreciate him.....

Yori Yori Princess Loveme Jeje said...

Thanks anon 17:11

Just Bella. said...

Emotionally unavailable men are the worst! They can make you commit suicide and then pretend as if nothing happened. Abeg poster give your self brain marriage/wedding nor be by force.

Anonymous said...

Sorry poster, I might be wrong but I think you are petty and the guy you describe up there is the best for you.so that when you get all emotional, he's nature will check u. He Complements you perfectly. My hubby is like that. He will never support me in a fight with a third party. Even when we are both alone, he will try to make me see things from the second person's perspective and that has made me live in peace with all men.
I once broke up with my manager of my business for being rude to me. And I sent him off without a dime after growing my business from nothing to something. He made me pay him off a percentage of all I had acquired during the period he served me. It was very painful cos at the meeting, the manager left happy. It took me 3yrs to make that settlement. Today I am glad I did that. God prospered me.
So many instances. I have gone to fight a friend in her house for not paying her debt. I gave her my last dime. My office rent and had to close up because she wouldn't pay. Years later, hubby reached out to the girls hubby to render him help. It's all about making peace. We are women with emotions n loads of drama. You need a drama free guy to balance you.
I only have issues with why he is apologizing. He needs to man up and state clearly his points. Sometimes hubby n I argue over my position on matters like this that.before use to lead to a fight but now, I have learnt better to listen, think from another perspective and take any decision I think I prefer. All the best

Anonymous said...

Poster I wish I could give you a bit of my husband. The guy is over emotionally available. It pisses me off sometimes. He love and cares about everything about in excess. His own is excess, abeg come take small i don tire.

Anonymous said...

The Lord bless you real good. Poster, this your man is the real thing. How can you marry a man that talks, fight and keep malice like a woman? Men don't even like to be bugged with women's petty chats that's what your female friends are for and the wives of your husband's friend so that at any occasion, there is always a jist partner or an aproko partner. Don't let God give u a woman oh. Because he will come with nagging.

Anonymous said...

I even believe maturity comes with age. Over time, you will be tired of shouting and fighting all about and you will appreciate this guy for keeping you sane and not allowing you destroy many relationships with friends, family, colleagues and neighbors. But that is if you are calm enough to listen to the guy sef. You better calm down and read regret stories of divorced women. They will tell you they wished they were more patient and tolerating. I believe God wants to use this guy to bring out a better u. But the choice is yours.

Anonymous said...

This one that can nag for Africa. I potty the guy, she will fight outsiders and then report the story at home and if the guy is against her, she will continue the fight with him at home. I pray God grants that guy wisdom to always say.. U are right. In fact you be Google. Before you will accuse him of taking sides with another lady because he wants to sleep with her. You are paranoid, sick, spoilt and not well trained. N then u see a mumu, u are still complaining, you better grab am well. If you try all this your rubbish move with a real man. He will give you the warning of your life. Oshisko

Anonymous said...

God bless you. She needs to marry all those market women that can keep malice or a conductor from Ibadan. They are mouthed. Jobless geh

Esther Mgbolu said...

Oh my,you just said ma mind,no need to start writing epistle.

Anonymous said...

I gbadu you jare. 🙌

Anonymous said...

I don't think your situations are similar

Gold Taken said...

Thanks 2kobo for your salient comment.

Miss Candy said...

Shey is dis thing that Timi was talking about that's causing quarrel for him and papa freeze now... Poster, d both of you don't complete each other. Are u sure u are even ready for marriage atall??? Pls go and do a soul searching on urself. U can come bck later to tell us what u found out...

Red Wine said...

Think twice would say yes.

Anonymous said...

Wonderful advice...i ll keep all i mind. Gracias bvs

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