NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
WHEN LE BOO'S FAMILY DECLARE'S WAR ON YOU.
Dear Stella,
Good day to you and your blog visitors, a part of me feels like
I can talk to you and my fellow bvs freely because of anonymity,
i don't feel comfortable bringing up this matter close to home yet,
and I get the feeling am not alone on this so please you all should
feel free to put down your honest opinion, Thank you.
I am one of those girls they call stone hearted, the type who
doesn't believe in love and would laugh when you bring it up,
but when Cupid strikes you, then you know no one is immune.
Anyways I met this guy two years ago when I travelled to visit
my friend in another state, and since I wasn't in my town I
thought what harm could be done you know, I'll be out of here
in a sec, but No!
It was the most unexpected thing of all times, the stone
hearted girl and the play boy found themselves so deep we
couldn't be apart, before he met me, his longest relationship
ever was 5 months, so you know what I mean, his friends
were surprised and still are, so are my friends.
September will make our relationship officially two years,
he is 27 while i am 23 and he is quite accomplishment for his age,
he is one of those guys who know what they want out of life and is
extremely hard working and quite lucky. He is the bread winner of
his family,he isn't the only son but his brother has some health/mental challenges, so it's all up to him, his family puts all the weight on him
at his age and still treats him like a child, trying to control his every
move, he introduced me to his family some time last year which was
the first time he has ever done that, his family was surprised.
I instantly felt a hostile environment, I wasn't welcome from day one,
his sisters looked at me like I was out to devour their brother, his
mum who felt she'll always be his no 1 woman felt like I came to snatch
him away, they never gave me a chance whenever I tried to get close
to them, so I kept a little distance so we won't be on each others nerves,
now my Bf made his intentions clear to me this month and said he was
ready to settle down, he didn't see any reason to wait longer,
he couldn't imagine a life without me and he's made enough
money to take up the responsibility of take care of his own family.
he lives in a big enough house, has two cars amongst other
investments, he's actually building his personal house.
So he went home and called a family meeting and made
his intentions known, and told them he has supported them in
many ways, and would love for them to respect his decision
and support him in preparations to come meet my people.
My dear, hell broke loose, his father said he doesn't think
it's time for him to get married, his sisters
(don't even know where to begin) and because whenever I visit him
i leave little of my belongings at his place, since we don't stay in
same state, it was easier for me than carrying a big bag each time,
so while he was at work , his mum went to his place and seized all
my property from shoes to clothes and other things, I usually think
all these scenarios happen only in Nigeria Movies, because I feel
like we are all acting a home video over here.
his mum is the most dramatic person I have ever met i must
confess, I am a private person, I have always been, my parents
and BF understand my kind of person, so this has become too much
for me to bear, all I do is cry every now and then, it seems like
the world is against me, my BF is so bent on this working and he
is having serious problems with his family, he said if there's
any time to be a a Man its now.
Dear Stella/Bvs, do situations like this work out? What should we do?
Should we stand our ground or accept our faith? Please what do
you think?
Wow what a dramatic way to be treated by the family of the
person you love.
I am really shocked for what to say...You must remember
that when you marry someone,you accept their family as well.if you go
ahead and marry him and they cut him off,will you both be happy?
Do they think his marrying will make his taking care of them stop?
You should probably get him to invite his mum and dad separately
and at separate times to his his so that you can talk to them and
let them understand.
If all else fails and you are hell bent on marry him,then be
ready for war and remember that all is fair in love and war.
Good luck bae.
..............................................................................................................
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Chronicle is here. Make I siddon read!
ReplyDeleteStells, I like the way you enabled comments fast-fast yesterday.
#Space Booked#
Second poster...you need to get crios with your life and stop opening your leg for every tom dick and harry man you fall for..tie your legs..love will definately come..focus on empowering yourself.
Deletewww.glowyshoe.blogspot.com
Do the walking and let your shoes do the talking
www.hawtshoes.co.uk
No2 I think your private (just as Stella called it) needs a break.
DeleteYou have a beautiful career ahead of you...
Poster2: please reshape ur life,and stop sleeping with every guy who ask u out,....
DeletePoster1:i understand ur plight,if u really do love him as I think from ur narrative, then my dear it's time to fight for ur love,he really needs u now,just overlook his mother's behaviors towards u,she is trying to scare u by seizing ur things,just ignore her and concentrate on ur man,always encourage him to take things easy with his people that they will see reasons with him soonest...good men don't come easy, so be patient with them and always pray together with ur man(even via phone call,since he stays in another state),...I don't believe in what's meant to be will be,. you have to fight for what u want to be(i don't mean physical fight oo)pray and work towards ur goal,and God will help u actualize it..
Wow! At 21 you're sleeping with three guys at the same time. I really can't advise you on such but please... Close your legs and open your mind. Penis should be the least of your problems right no
DeletePoster 1 - run ,walk or crawl out of that relationship now ,dont even think twice ,family warfare is deep oh ,deeper than you think ,forget him and move on with your life abeg .
DeletePoster 2- no comment
Sell some space na
DeletePoster 1:
ReplyDeleteYou can never feel at home in such toxic environment.
Use your tongue to count your teeth, before depression becomes your second name.
Poster 2:
.............
Poster 2: keep giving them o, so you've dished the food to 3 different guys, Because everything I picked out is SEx. Mind you it is not food.
DeleteGive yourself a break to cool that place and cool yourself down jere
Poster 2, you are too young for all theses...poster 1, ermmm...take it to the Lord in prayer...
DeletePoster 1: Be ready for a life long battle and hate. RUNNNNN whilr you can still walk.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: CALM DOWN!!! Sex is not everything, you are here saying Number 2 is cheating but you slept with numbet 3 too? Abi were you and number 2 taking a break then too. Anyway Ibtrust BVs to cuss you out.
Poster 2----I wish I could graduate at 21aldo I would be graduating at 22-u are wasting your time.choose one of those guys u think u can marry n be serious with him(although he would still be asking for sex) Or. If u are like me -hungry to. Be a big entrepreneur then....now is the time to learn new things
DeleteU need to Give your pu**y a long vacation,so u can think well
ReplyDeletePoster 2: CALM DOWN!!! Sex is not everything, you are here saying Number 2 is cheating but you slept with numbet 3 too? Abi were you and number 2 taking a break then too. Anyway Ibtrust BVs to cuss you out
*SMH* Poster 2 - I couldnt help giggling when I read your comments about being 21 and 'taking a break'. 3 men you alone! All in the same breath!! Chei! U r going to get it hot from SDKers. As usual - I only came to read the comments......
DeleteLet me sit and read comment
ReplyDeleteTry and stand to read comments for once.... Your nyash no de pain u frm all the sitting???
Delete1] My dear I won't tell you to run, you are an adult and you've already seen the battle facing you when/if you marry that guy!! This onearth is up to you!!
Delete2] Just 21 and you'oo already double dating and having relationship wahala?? Nawa oo. Abeg I no get advice for you!! Sorry oo
Poster 2, you are too young for all these...just take stella's advice. Poster 1, just take it to the Lord in prayer...
DeleteAll I read was sex, sex, sex and more sex. Oga oooo. Calm down on d giving...take Stellas advice.
ReplyDelete#peace
Abi....
DeleteStellz I can't read the chronicles even after sliding my phone
ReplyDeleteMxcheew
Stellonzo why na? Can't read,I don turn phone upside down,yet I can't read
DeletePoster 2.... Yea start afresh just like u narrated, u may end up with a football squad and then start again until your yansh tear in confusion mtsheeeww
ReplyDeleteLmaooooo. You're so mean.
DeletePoster 1 You are only 23.
ReplyDeletePoster 2. You are only 21.
And life has shown you both all these things already?
I raise nyash for you both.
Happy early twenties.
2nd poster, you think because you've graduated you should have such mileage on ya puzzay? Gurl, you are only 21 and you are already with 3 dudes at the same time(hush now; don't you tell a lie that they were at different times). Do you even know what you want for yourself? What you want from life? You are saying you don't know what the second guy wants, I think it should be the other way round.
ReplyDeleteLol way to justify your cheap ways 'it's not like I'm a cheap bitch' girl bye!
I'm amazed at your stupidity!
Poster 1: sweety, you sound so in love and though you are just 23 I won't knock you off. For some strange reason I think you should talk to your fam, they'll be in a better position to tell you what to do or atleast guide you. The game of love is never easy so whatever you decide to do, I wish you Gods blessings and his protection. Be smart though, make sure you think things through THOROUGHLY. Remain blessed
Stella bae :*
BTW Oluyomi sweet heart. I have been smiling up and down. Nobody has offered to dash me fuel o. Nobody has offered to even sell at normal rates to me. Warris this!!
ReplyDeleteWhere you dancing and smiling too or just smiling? ? Help!!!
thats how e dey be you guys should go with Stella write-ups
ReplyDelete#GODWIN™
Is chronicles always about r/shp and marriage drama? I cnt remember reading about a case of career dilemma or finance catapulting... make I no go do ITK com type rubbish English here BVs are very wicked, abeg Efe kevin shift for me.
ReplyDeleteHey Stella I can't read the posts because the words seem to be going past the border of my phone screen... I tried opening the web version but it's still the same...Can you fix it, please? Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThis is how we know those using Nokia fones and they keep commenting under anonymous. I dey look U oooo from that face me I face U
DeleteTaaaa!!! No be so. I use BlackBerry Q10 and it's same problem. I had to copy and paste (the 1st narrative) on notepad (Evernote) to read. The 2nd narrative appeared normal tho
DeleteSilly anonymous 18:20
DeleteStella,this is the hardest task you have given me this week.. warisdis?
It is so difficult scrolling especially when your phone is a touch screen!! Omg!!
I slide to one side... it takes me totally out of the post.. then I have to navigate back again..
This was the same thing with the previous IHN of April or so.. haaaaa!!!! I am impatient this days!! Arrrgghhhhh
Shut up @anon 18:20........ I use a blackberry phone nd I experienced the same thing. She is right.
DeleteNo u are wrong! I use a Q10 and been having same issues.
DeleteSo shat does it really matter if you use a Nokia or bb? And all these ones shouting 'I use a blackberry' like you've never used a Nokia before
DeleteNarrative 1: no matter how much u love a guy, never let him introduce u to his family first except u r very sure there is no go back. Mostly in a situation where d guy is d bread winner, u will be seen as a stumbling block. Anybody can quote me wrong, it's better d female introduces d guy to her own family first. That way it's easier.
ReplyDeleteNarrative 2: @21, u still have many more relationships to stumble in and out of so plz take a chill pill. It shouldn't be all abt sex. When u really wana have a healthy relationship, there is more to it than fucking in and out of it.... jiri ya nwayo nne.
Is it just me that watch "Living with Trisha" cus of the girls? Ghana girls rotten sha.
ReplyDeletePOSTER 1 IF YOUR GUY IS READY TO LIBERATE HIMSELF FROM HIS GREEDY FAMILY, I WILL SAY JOIN AND HELP HIM IN HIS QUEST FOR FREEDOM.
ReplyDeletePOSTER 2 THERE IS A CONNECTION BTWEEN THE VEEJAY AND BRAIN, SO YOUR BUSY VEEJAY WILL CERTAINLY AFFECT YOUR SENSE OF REASONING. SWEET@ GIVE THAT THING SOME REST AND THINK MORE OF BUILDING A CAREER.
Poster 1,
ReplyDeletesorry about what you are going through. One major truth you need to know is that some families are like that. They have a bread winner or someone they depend on, when they realize their helper is making a major shift like your bff they feel threatened.
They feel you are going to take over their son and he may not help them out the way they expect when he settles with you.
Its very selfish of them and insensitive. It's not about you, there is nothing wrong with you.
If you break up with him, they will do it to the next babe he dates.
If you are convinced about him, you have to pray. If you eventually get married you have a war on your hands until God knows how long.
The truth is they are thinking about themselves, they are not thinking about him or his needs.
Think about it can you cope with the drama.
If your MIL to be can go to his house and take out your things, she went too far but it shows you a good pix of what she is capable of doing.
If your guy is behind you that's good, but you will work...and they will never really accept you.
Another Adebayor kind of family.
DeleteSame here with poster 1,really confused
ReplyDeletePoster2:Youre too young for all these sex sex sex,by the time ure 30 many men wld hv sampled you,decide on who to date and let others go.
ReplyDelete@1, what kind of selfish family is that, plz leave their brother for them except u ve strength for war.
ReplyDelete@2, like Stella rightly said @21 ur pussy is over active plz take a break, if to say Toto dey talk ur own for don cry out for help.
Poster 2
ReplyDeleteI would like to do too oh.
How far?
Young pussies are the best. They are fresh, they have not given birth, they don't sag, they still have lots of fluid, but they smell bcos the owners are not yet mature enough.
Anyways, I for like subscribe oh.
After I do finish, ur confusion go clear.
I love Stella... I will kiss her big nose when I am on vacation in december in Europe. Maybe I will stroll to Germany for her
Me too for like taste that pussy, you no lie, since her pussy is goin round like a carousel, I might as well subscribe..... E no need fuel.
DeleteWhen did this blog become like this or get to this level?
DeleteHaba the girl is young and needs guidance not more dirty Confusion now haba!
All these Agbayas, tah for Una!!!!!
SMH
And I agree with your man. If there was any time to stand his ground it is now, otherwise it will always be like this. He will eventually dance to their tune and he will be a miserable man. His father is selfish, by letting him carry so much weight. May God give you both wisdom.
ReplyDeleteAdvice him to talk to his uncles who are on his side and can make his parents see reason.
While you are at it, pray, pray, and pray.
Poster one; Stella gave the best advice... I don't envy u right now bae and I pray God intervenes on ur behalf on this ish.
ReplyDeleteI faced d same in my first rlatnshp,I almost died and had to walk out after 4yrs....we av both moved on...so I wud advice she let go no matter how strong d love is...my 2cents tho
DeleteSomebody just rearrange her toto for tailor place recently poster 2 u get the money??!!!!
ReplyDeletePoster 2. U no serious, abeg find better work do jare, ashawo no dey pay?
ReplyDeleteOnly u 3guys hahaa
Poster 1. jejely free this guy or prepare for war if u wanna marry him
Poster 2. U no serious, abeg find better work do jare, ashawo no dey pay?
ReplyDeleteOnly u 3guys hahaa
Poster 1. jejely free this guy or prepare for war if u wanna marry him
Poster 1: I feel for u dear this is one hard decision u wud ever have to make in ur entire life here is my opinion talk to ur bf to sort things out with his family they prolly felt he wud abandon dem after he gets married and won't do twice as much as he has been doing before and his main focus wud b u, if u don't be on d good side with ur bf family and u go ahead to marry him its war for u u wud never enjoy ur marriage for a day so sort things out with ur bf family
ReplyDeletePoster 2: all I hear is just sex sex sex lik serzly derz more to a relationship than sex besides u are just 21 so biko leave all three of them and focus more on urself in bein a bettr person and another thing since u hav more than one sexual partner I hope u use protection???
How can a girl of 21yrs fill up her head with sex and relationship issues. What happen to findin urself first and bein passionate about empowerin urself and impacting others. Ur mates re doing wonders in career u re on the Internet askin us who to choose between some toothpick leg boys. Where is your focus
ReplyDeletePoster 1, try prayer and quit complaining .
ReplyDeletePoster 2. hiaaaan !!!!!!!! U be dog ooo your clitory no get shame at all? na so e dey like (ALABA) market.... haba take am easy you complained about some cheating on you ,buh as u dey change dick just same way i change my underwear i bow for you,
ReplyDeleteyour problem na dick u know what you want, only waiting for who will tell you .my advice for you is never to marry and just do runz big time since you love dick more than your life .
what a busy pussy
Slut @ 23 u better pick one b4 u start begging for S&M post
Oshisco.
Poster 1: unti his family calm down, DON'T marry him.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: dump all of them and concentrate on finding yourself first, you are too young for all the drama please.
#1 You need to pray seriously
ReplyDelete#2 AT 21 sex has become food for you. shame!
Why is it that Nigerians are so into sex now? Poster 2's narrative is the main reason why men and women should not have sex before marriage. The emotional attachment can confuse you totally. Poster 2, as you have suggested forget about men for now and do things that are more constructive. For instance look for things that you are passionate about and make a business venture out of it. Do not let any man tempt you during your hiatus experience.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 u said u ain't cheap are u serious about 3guys omo change ur way ooo
ReplyDeleteAre you allergic to punctuations? Na wa ooo.
Delete@ poster 1: follow Stella's advise and pray more...
ReplyDelete@ poster2: leave the 3 of them. You are still young and having sex with the 3 of them would not give u an opportunity to make right decision. Stop having sex with them...True Love will find u soon and God will perfect all that concerns you.
Poster 1- When your husband's family hates you, marriage is always hell unless you are the fire for fire type but from your story, you are not. This people will make life a living hell for you. I understand you love each so much but most times external forces should be put into consideration. Am not a pessimist nor an optimist. Am somewhere in- between so I believe a lil bit of both is needed. Now you might believe that ehh eventually they will come around or that it will get worse but i really believe that that the two might be the case. So in order not to write another chronicle in two years time when you are married with one kid, and about to die from Hubby's family frustration then step down and face your life and pray that God will create something wonderful for you. PS : Eventually a loving Nigerian man will side with his family and you will look at yourself n sing "nee ihe m meere onwe m. Poster 2- At 21 you at already sounding this carefree about men. "Its not like am a cheap bitch, it just happened" NNE biko face your studies n make yourself independent but still incase of had I known, choose d best out of the three n stick with him. Reduce the man traffic in your life.
ReplyDeleteMy dear u ain't cheap but it's easy to bang u naa, abi how u see am?
ReplyDeleteChill, else d body count will be uncountable...
Those guys are with u cos u open leg easily, if I'm lying, tie ur legs n pretend to b a mermaid n watch.
@ poster 1: follow Stella's advise and pray more...
ReplyDelete@ poster2: leave the 3 of them. You are still young and having sex with the 3 of them would not give u an opportunity to make right decision. Stop having sex with them...True Love will find u soon and God will perfect all that concerns you.
Poster one, your bobo I believe knows he is carrying a compound load and only God knows if he will ever drop it. So it's only normal that his family will see you as a threat when he says he wants to get married. He has to sit his people down and make them understand that he will still be there for them. If possible place them on a monthly allowance since you say he is doing well. But always know that his family will still treat you like an outside cos you have come to take the shine from them. Stay on your lane as much as you can. But the guy sha is too young for this responsibility thrust upon him.
ReplyDeletePoster two, U still be small pikin. Concentrate on growing up first, okay?
Boyfriends problems
ReplyDeleteIf ladies can spend these energy in their careers, they will be bigger than Dangote.
Get your mouth off a man's dick and make something out of your life.
Do you know how many ladies that have men asking them out all the time? You don't see them send in their chronicle of narratives.
I want to hear how a woman overcame all odds and made it.
Please don't even start with,finally I am "ceo of a boutique". I am talking about industries.
Not imecha runs, e retire with boutique.
XOXO MYSTERY
Marry me XO, your head is very correct!
DeleteI'm a girl though
Poster 1, pls run as fast as u can...I'm sure that's not wat u wish to live with...it's well!
ReplyDeletePoster 2, hmmmm! I reserve my comment.
Narrative 1, u story is pathetic, I think u guys need a break so he can sought tinz out with his parent & siblings but if u insist & rush in, my dear d oven there may be too hot for u to cope with & besides u have to commit it into prayers & seek for God's approval; who knows he might not even be d Mr Right. Story 2: I just advice u take life easy, u seem to me dat u are running faster dan ur shadow, it's true u completed ur study early but u are still very young for such distractions from men.
ReplyDeleteThis two narratives are air bent I will wait for comments
ReplyDeletePoster 1: I don't think you should cut everything off. You may not find someone else to love like that. my advise is that you avoid them as much as you can let the man be a man and fight his own battles. The more you have any contact with them, the worse you problems become. Just avoid them completely and totally. That's what usually happens when you marry the breadwinner and if it happens that he is the only one helping them. If you back off, they will do it to the next girl he meets so the problem is not you. They will come around much later I assure you that's if you play your cards well. If your lover can make them either accept you or get ready to cutoff from them, they will reluctantly accept you. But try to avoid them, don't play nice, don't be wicked, just try to avoid your path crossing and if you can, keep them out of your house.
ReplyDeleteHonnestly, the institution called marriage is not easy,,u either battle with a randy husband, bitter inlaws,,a husband that does not treat you well or poverty. It's mot easy but with prayers you will overcome. If you walk pit, your next relationship may also not ne smooth.
Just make sure you have complete hold on your man, make him 100% happy and leave him to handle his family. Ignore them completely if they try to confront you directly. One day, they will get tired and will want peace. Good supportive men are very scarce these days. Good luck.
Poster 2: I don't see you as a stable person. I am not sure you are ready to stick to someone so I don't have any advise for you.
Poster 2: you are acting 50 shades of something abi. there is God o. all these sex you are having huhh.
ReplyDeletePoster1.this is realy a tough one.i think he should stand his ground.talk to his parents.
ReplyDeleteWhat is thier reason sef?haba
What a family
Poster2....at 21, you are just engrossed sampling different pricks.
Dearie i wish you more grease to your tohtoh o
Waooo!@ poster 1. First of, ur story sounds like someone I know and if its true, then your name is Sandra and your boyfriend's name starts with 'F' and if then again that's true *lips sealed* believe me, if u get married to him, his playboy attitudes aren't stopping. In life, u learn to pick your battles, do what u want so far as your are ready to face the consequences. There's no time for regrets...pray and take a descision.
ReplyDeletePoster2...do you have an education, a job or a business? No but you are sharing yourself with 3 men at this point. Pregnancy, diseases...what sort of filth is this. Please focus on life, at 21 you should not be this loose
ReplyDeletePoster 1...A man with a cantankerous family...you are in for a battle. There are more things to pray for in marriage than a family with issues. If he wants to be a man he should get them under control before marrying you or else, you will see the back of your leg in that marriage.
ReplyDelete@Poster1: Do you really want to get into marriage with a baggage full of family hate?
ReplyDelete@Poster 2: I used to be you @21 and at 30 I hate that I went down that line. Can you pls take a break from sleeping with Tom, Dick n Harry? Sex never guarantees a great relationship. You need to discover yourself, know who you are in Christ and respect the body that God has given you! Take time to know these guys and build friendship and only then can you know who to be with for real. All the best pumpkin!!!
I hope she reads your comment and calms down..
DeleteBut she might think you are hating... that is the mentality people have this days.
N1: Your situation is quite dicey. If eventually your love triumphs, make sure he doesn't alienate his family. From your narrative I think: (1) they feel he's too young to marry. (2) that you will turn him away from them. In other words they're scared of what might happen to them.
ReplyDeleteIt's up to you and your man to douse their fears. I don't mean you guys should slave for them, no! Just do your bit hopefully they will come around. Good luck!
N2: You're lucky you graduated at a young age, instead of you to concentrate on building your life, you are busy sampling penis. See you sleeping with three guys, and you are looking for who is cheating on you; that tells the state of your mind. My friend get your acts together, and put your energy to good use.
Lolo this No2 na real kezaiah!! ..
ReplyDeletewhy wont you be confused when your soul his convenantly tied to three men!!. Drop all those guys and face your life.. you still have a lot of life ahead you,, build up your life and the right man will come calling you.. meanwhile clinge to God for mercy...
No1.. do not marry him yet until you are sure his family accepts you.
Poster 2 quit being a hoe abeg, not judging but really this is plain slut behavior.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 plz make sure u guys settle d issue on ground b4 settling down with him ..poster 2 no comment
ReplyDelete#milolor#
Poster 1: why not put everything in prayers but marrying is such family is toxic. Poster 2: my dear concentrate in a guy or leave all. Hope your punana still has catchy for your future husband lol. Chi Austin
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA @ ur "privates is so busy , abi u have more than one privates". Stella no go kill person o. But really girls shld remember that they are the ones that always end up being preggy and sometimes sacrifice their futures cos of unwanted pregnancies or STDs.
ReplyDeleteA word is enough for the wise
At 21 u've slept with three guys already...Hmmm. My dear better focus on it life and forget men.
ReplyDeleteMy dear poster 1, don't ever marry a man his mother hates u, cos that marriage will be misery for u. And then his father doesn't want u but is hiding under the impression that ur bf isn't ready for marriage.
I support ur advice
ReplyDeletePoster number one
ReplyDeleteI'll tell you a personal story. At 23/24, I was going to marry a man whom I loved so much. He was 29/30 then. Everything was beautiful until he made his intentions known to his family that he wanted to marry me. His mother welcomed me the first time we met and all the subsequent times. She even called my mother to thank her for raising a good daughter. How I was so well behaved and such. I felt so lucky to have met such a nice supposed mother in law like God has blessed me with a nice MIL.
Problem arose when we decided that we wanted and could only afford a wedding here in the US and not in the UK where they're based. All hell broke loose then. My fiancé then said that the wedding will happen with or without her. He specifically said that his mother has controlled and manipulated him all his life. Now, he has found the one thing he wants for himself but she doesn't want him to have it.
I told him repeatedly that we should do whatever your mother wants. I don't mind. If she wants us to wear black on the wedding day. I'll do it just so we can be together.
His mother told me on my visit to the UK that she doesn't baby sit children so I should keep that in mind for when we have kids. She requested to be put in an expensive hotel if she dared come to the wedding at all. She even called my relatives in Nigeria to cry about how we were excluding her.
All because my ex proposed to me and I said yes.
But this is where the story changes and I want you poster to pay attention.. My ex who didn't have enough balls on his own to stand up to his family turned his frustration on me. I became the one he'd blame for all that is going wrong. All I did was bring to light the messed up relationships they have in their family. All this was new to me because my family is so together. We are supportive of one another. My mother is selfless and understanding so all these was very new to me and shocking!
Did the wedding happen? You bet cha ya it did not. My ex broke it up with me after we'd practically done everything for the wedding. Months to the wedding day.
He then married someone else ( a Ghanaian) girl he was friends with within 3 months of us breaking up.
You know what's pathetic now? He still wants to call me, talk with me and tell me how I'm the love of his life 6 years after. I tell him well that's good to know but focus on your wife and two children. He hasn't left me alone since then even though I ignore and don't engage in all that.
I paraphrased a lot but I want you to read this and perhaps learn. I'd say never ever marry into a family that doesn't want you. You'll never like it no matter how much you love a man. It isn't worth it. Pray for the will of God to happen. His will not yours. Be strong and do all you can to possibly make everything go well. Maybe you can change the mind of his parents. Fingers crossed for you. It is such a sad thing when a family doesn't approve but looking at the big picture we never know what God has in store for us. I feel for you and I understand your plight perfectly. I'd never wish it on my worst enemy. the pain is horrible but chin up. Let's hope for the very best. Ta!
Oh myyyyy!!!! Things happen ooo
DeleteHmmm what a story. My dear u are so right. When faced with situations like this, it is the man involved that has the bulk of the decision to make. And only he can determine whether the relationship will weather the storm or not. If he's not man enough, like urs here, then the whole thing will come crashing.
DeleteMy own is that no matter what the man's family may do, love can conquer all. I don't see myself leaving a man just because his family do not like me. Although it is important to be accepted by ur man's family, as that would help ur union flourish...however, if unfortunately u are faced with families like that of poster 1, for as long as the man loves and supports me, I would tell his family to go to hell.
It is only when the guy seems undecided, is passive, not man enough, is jittery at the slightest provocation from his people, misplaces his aggression on me, only then will I back out. Why should I miss my destined man because his family are resentful of me? No way. It's the devil's trap.
Dear poster, I'll tell u this. The prayers of our parents go a long way to help our union and future. Their blessing is imperative. I mean from both your side and his. Although u didn't tell us where ur family stand in all these, but I assume they have no issues with ur man. But my dear, if ur man is strong and is assuring u that he wants u against all odds, please support him and don't frustrate his efforts by reminding him of what his family think.
Blank them out and face ur man. Sometimes at the end, such family will turn around and embrace u into their family, for others it marks the beginning of long family feud and turmoil, even after years and years. Above all else, if ur man aligns with u, and if God is on ur side, u have nothing to worry about. It's a phase that'll pass. Good luck
Anonymous 17:44. Please continue to ignore him. He wants to eat his cake and still have it.
Delete#1, it is all because of money. I dislike such families. I will advise you to be patient with your bf for about 2 years for him to sort out his family, by then he will be 29 and you will be 25.
Meanwhile, stay away from the family and don't turn down any serious suitor that might come your way, because there is a high probability, he will succumb to his parents pressure. So you be at the losing end.
If you both insist to marry against all odds, please, be ready to ' tie your wrapper well, physically and spiritually, because you are going on a battle ground. Best of luck.
Nitty.
Anonymous 17:44 here. Hello Nitty. Yes, I do ignore him. He makes it out to seem like it was my fault things didn't work out. He blames me for everything. I say to him, since I didn't love you enough. You are blessed now and lucky to have a wife who does and loves you more than I ever could and he gets mad. It is all very childish to me. His mother is the most manipulative parent I've ever come across. She's a single parent and uses everything she has ever done for him to cry, wail and get her way. I often wonder what being married to him would've been like. Letst just say I'm grateful now that it did not work out.
DeleteHappy for you Previous Anonymous 17:44. Sometimes, we might not understand when GOD allows somethings to happen to us ... Sparing us the trouble that lies ahead. Only GOD knows what the wife is going through in her marriage with such a manipulative MIL. Take care and remain strong.
DeletePoster one try and get close to his family. Whenever you are going to see his mum, buy things she'll like. Little little gifts. Don't worry. They are just scared that when you Marr him hunger will kill them. Prove them wrong. If u both truly love each other you will marry. So long as u are a good daughter in law they will come around.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 keep fucking. That's your calling and your purpose in life abi? Continue collecting spiritual baggage. When u get older you will understand. Ewu!
Poster 2: do you know my advice for you??...CLOSE YOUR LEGS.. i was disgusted Af reading your narrative.. what the hell?.. you are just 21... from 20 years of age is the time where you have to be stingy with yourself...focus on building your empire not opening your legs for any guy that comes along...wanna know the truth?... these guys will just have sex with you and dump you and then you'd feel miserable.... i'm not trying to judge you tho... having sex or not is a choice... but my candid advice to you is to FOCUS ON BUILDING YOUR EMPIRE...... the right guy would come along and love you for you... and not to get in ya privates... bless you girl....
ReplyDeletePoster 1: the family sees you as a threat cos he's the one taking care of the family. They will never be nice to you cos they feel the way he caters for them will be reduce cos he has a gf especially if she's not working or financially stable. They have this nigerian mentality that every girl that's dating a guy that has money is a gold digger. I'm sure if you ask them what d problem is they won't have anything tangible to say than he's young and not ready and that you're just after his money.
ReplyDeleteSo if your love is strong enough you guys should be fine as long as he doesn't give in to the pressure from his family and you should distance yourself abit from them. No need for u to cry it's probably just a phase
poster 1: biko ja danu. its so not worth the stress. he shd deal with his domestic issues before marriage.
ReplyDelete@23, I think you are way too young for the family drama you are about to get yourself into. They may or may never change their mind towards you. His mother's action shows you the extent at which she can go, so you need to thread carefully. Yes, you may be a private person but your family needs to be aware. At this stage, it's prayer, patience and time that would decide. Do not rush into marriage at this fragile time...to avoid stories that touch..Please retrieve all your belongings from his mum, I mean all...
ReplyDelete@poster 2....21 is not a license to jump from one man to another..you obviously do not know what you want or really need in a man, please get positively busy. Get a job, enroll for more studies and no more men for now. Discover yourself first.
Poster 2 kindly sit your hot bottom down and read my so long a letter to you:
ReplyDeleteLike so many young women of this generation, you are seriously destroying yourself with bad choices and following it up with destructive actions. You need an intervention.
Listen to you contradicting yourself;
1st Boyfriend - "we started having SEX and then I got tired of him"
2nd Boyfriend - "the sex is amazing"
3rd Boyfriend - "has been on my case for a while and we even had sex "
Then you shot yourself in the foot by saying - "Its not like I am a cheap bitch or something but it just happened "
Haba! Please purchase a first class ticket, fly away from that cuckoo land you are living in and come back to reality. YOU ARE. TOTALLY CHEAP. If you think you are not, then imagine yourself naked in a room with all the guys you have slept with/ are sleeping/ intend to sleep sitting down with. a drink in their hand staring at you and laughing with each other. Maybe painting that picture in your mind will let you know exactly where you stand.
You even added insult to injury by saying "it just happened". Really? You took time to converse with a guy, agree on a location and have sex several times with him and even analysed how good or bad the sex was and you are saying "but it just happened ". You don't even want to take responsibility for your actions right?
Its women like you we read about that get pregnant and say that they never slept with a man before. Or they get HIV and say it was from a needle used in fixing their weave on.
You have graduated and doing your NYSC, if you continue at this rate, you will sleep with every job interviewer, male colleague and male boss at the office that you fancy.
Straighten your ways my dear. Make hay while the sun shines. You said "I am confused on who to date." Really? You still want to keep being passed around. As a young female graduate, your focus now should be how to secure a good job, build substantial savings, marry and raise kids. You have completely lost focus.
Get over your stupidity, get a grip of yourself and get your act together. Stop being a foolish virgin and start gathering extra oil for your lamp before your bridegroom comes like a thief in the night.
Poster 1:my dear,pray,pray and pray,then try to sort out things by speaking to your bfs parents like stella said,plead with them,show them so much love,make them understand,i believe it would work but if it doesnt,after all that,you have to leave.sorry i know its not that easy
ReplyDeletePoster 2: At 21,you dont have sense,receive sense before its too late
Stella I almost choked on my food@ your response to Poster 2 . Privates being active chai small girl who suppose to dey do meaningful things .
ReplyDeleteI really pity you. can you imagine the transference of spirit only you , see how many people you would have slept with in the spiritual , after when things ain't working you will say na your step mum or village people . Run to Mfm and do deliverance so it would be well with you .
poster2 I dy feel u
ReplyDeletePoster 2, you ain't cheap or slutty but there's a problem that needs a quick fix. Was your family dysfunctional? Was your dad ever there for you? Have you always craved a father (man) figure? You are in a long search for an answer but in the wrong direction, your starting point should be in Christ, trust me, you can stop by yourself, find the answers to the emptiness you feel. These men will only leave you feeling worse. Best wishes honey, some have walked in your shoes and have overcome.
ReplyDeletemy advice for poster 2 is this, pls find something to do that will keep you busy... if possible get iron pant to block access to ur private, haba! only you, and you say you no trust person wen dey cheat. human beings en. take a break abeg; there is more to life than p*nis.
ReplyDelete*SMH* Poster 2 - I couldnt help giggling when I read your comments about being 21 and 'taking a break'. Chei! U r going to get it hot from SDKers. As usual - I only came to read the comments......
ReplyDeleteI believe Stella D'Kork n other BVs av done justice 2 ur narratives, but just to add-
ReplyDeleteNo.1: U never enter u don begin dey cry, wen u enter finnish wetin u go do? Make up ur mind whether u want to fight or continue peacefully in another direction. (Fighting as in prayers, fasting, may even get physical). Abeg ar dey jazz people? If so OYO is ur case. Personally I don't think relationships are meant to be sooo hard & complicated. I also advocate not ignoring red flags b4 marriage. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Also, think of ya future kids when making such decisions & involve & obey our Almighty Baba God.
No.2: its good for u not to see urself as a slut, but as well as talk de talk u shud walk de walk. Seek first d kingdom of God... It is not bad to marry young, but as a woman of today u must be able to support urself & ur hubby & kids if need be. It is not easy to be solely dependent on a man for everything, it may eventully erode ur self esteem wen insults start comming ur way. Only few housewives ar lucky to enjoy the full support of their husbands. Besides getting out of the house to meet people is a therapy in itself. Though u ar young, u do not hav to be foolish, abi ar u not a graduate? Except u want to be a runs babe & settle for one old politician who might not end up marrying u & even publicly call u an olosho, na u sabi. Be the kin woman wey better man go want. God no dey sleep, aka karma is a b*tch.
Where ar Lady Igo, Ronalda etc. I dey miss unna. Happy Sunday Stella D'kork n BVs.
Poster 1, I will tell u little of my story and hope it helps u take a decision.
ReplyDeleteI was ever liked by my mil, she treated me like I was an ant first time I met her, I ignored it until I had opportunity of staying some days with her as I went for a training where hubby is nd decided to use the opportunity to see him. All I expected from the woman wasfor her to monitor my character and consider if I would make her son happy but no way, she saw me as someone who was coming to finish her son's money. This is irrespective of the fact that the son is no longer a kid. I was it was about me until I saw a message from a girl my hubby would have married aand how his mother ruined it, I said ok this wasn't just about me. I heard she said I wasn't beautiful but all the things she pointed out I wasn't, the other girl was all that and I was even going to forget everything until the day she called me to warn me to stop controlling her son, that I was eating her sons money, I got offended because I hadn't even seen money not to talk of eating it. She even queried me who authorised me to come to abraod.
My last visit, we got married although court marraige. I don't care about what she thinks, I know she has a hold on him as I see the way she is always demamding for money in the name of doing something for him. All my hubby has are in her hands and trully I don't care even though I know I should. All I want is happiness and the love that we can give each other and the well being of our kids hen we have then. I have hands aand believe I can work and make money myself and i am one who is always contented no matter how little.
So if you are educated and know you can stand on your own if anything happens tomorrow, danm then and pursue your happiness. Give them the respect they deserve but know your place and take charge of it. Above all, remember God in ealing with thhem when you get in.
its your life, love and happiness that matters and if you both can give each other that, stand beside the guy and liberate him from his selfish family.