Please let us respect this post and know that this is coming from those who have/had been battered but pulled through and are sharing their experiences to help others who are going through same.
I WILL NOT BE ENABLING COMMENTS THAT ARE OUT OF TOPIC.
Domestic Violence Diary -One
Domestic Violence Diary - Two
Domestic Violence Diary- Three
Women should learn to speak up,
ReplyDeleteYou are a supposed to be a queen to your spouse not a punching bag.
We've had a lot of cases where women die from domestic violence,
It's never too late to speak up,
Leave that marriage if its becoming too hot for you.
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not endured.
Don't stay thinking he will change, he will never change.
Its high time...am just gonna read comment and learn
DeleteMy people make una help me thank God,dat my sister has finally saved her life,by walking away frm d hell of d marriage.even d children don tell am say,they dnt want to go back. Need advise on ow to make sure d horseband fulfill his obligations on d children
Deleteyea yea..women are meant to speak up and use their head...
Deleteif u dnt wnt to speak up or leave the marriage then go and snap a beautiful picture for your obituary..
or make him a purple hibiscus...
my two cents..
and even though i know it is not easy...just try...
Delete#listen to try by pink....
I still remember ms k's dv diary like yesterday. To think an awful lot of women go through this makes me cringe.especially those who want to be buried in their "horsebands" house. Odiegwu!
DeleteThey really need to speak up. The earlier women stop thinking about what the society would say the better.
DeleteSome will tell you I can't leave, people will same I'm not a good woman because my mum also left my dad. Tell them to come and wear your shoes for just 5mins if they won't fly out of the country.
I pray not to marry an abusive husband.
Dv is something I've vowed never to take from any man. My soon to b ex hubby (we r in court fr divorce) has been misbehaving n bcos I ignored him totally n don't ask him fr anything, he came one day n started hitting me. I fought back n injured him too n d next day, I went to report to d police. He was called, warned n paid bail. Since then, even though we don't talk, he avoids me seriously. If u condone it, it continues...
DeleteMay God see them through. NO to domestic violence, YES to freedom.
ReplyDeleteSo where is the post now? I don't gerrit
ReplyDeleteEven men suffer same,they just won't admit it.
ReplyDeleteMen suffer violence too
DeleteI visited my friend in ikeja and her neighbor was calling the husband all manners of name..
The man came out to drive out but the woman blocked him and before he could say jack, she landed a slap on him. We were outside gisting and she didn't even respect that fact. I felt for the man. My friend then told me that he the woman those everytime and later begs and cry..
My friend said the man has never laid his hands on her neither does he respond to her banters. Everyone in the company wish he could beat her at least once but he has refused to do so..
And funny thing is he is the bread winner. The wife doesn't work, always at home morning till night and still fights the man..
DeleteIt could be frustration and then nobody knows why the woman acts that way.
Delete@anon, she's probably depressed. I've been in the same situation where I've slapped and hit my husband severally but I feel bad and apologize most times after it has happened. Its temper and emotions, I was frustrated, depressed and angry each time prior to it happening( we usually had issues that led to these things). My husband never hit me back but he's pushed me, dragged me on the floor and spat on my face severally, called me all sorts of names etc. in summary,He's done things to me that made me react out of order. I'm also sure there's more to your friends neighbors story. Pple saying he should have retaliated don't know what goes on behind close doors or the source of their problems. So it's wrong to judge. She that wears the shoe knows where it pains the most.
DeleteEnd time senseless domestic violence. Our women and children must be seriously protected from all dis mentally derailed men with tougher laws.
ReplyDeleteThere's one rude woman in my area, she always abuse her husband anytime they have an argument so loud we could hear every word, as d guy was driving out outa anger she threw bricks n it cracked the back wind shield, pple restrained this guy from hitting her, he just went inside, packed her things n threw her out. She just knelt down in d middle of d street begging him, n apologising, d man refused, it's been a year now, d guy remarried, u won't hear any noise from their house again, the kids are with him, the woman comes to visit only when d man is at home. Sometimes women need to bridle their tongue. As a man, if you are always tempted to hit your wife pls send her away. Cos only a mad man will just hit a woman who did nothing.
ReplyDeleteGranted, some women are unruly but so are some men,
DeletePoverty maker, nice one and well done. I sight you, since your style of writing never changes
DeleteThe woman had it coming
DeleteI don't feel one little pity for her
The woman is crazy
DeleteCrazy woman. She has no respect for her husband. People like that marry calm men who they end up talk to any how they want
DeleteI was around 8am nd dis man of mid twenties didn't even have d fear of God in him as he forcefully took away my virginity nd threaten to kill me if I ever tell anyone....i don't blame him tho I blame my mother for entrusting me in his care now I hate sex more dan anything
ReplyDeleteAwww honey
DeleteLet it go
Forget the hurt
Live again.
God I feel for you! My greatest fear is being raped
DeleteMy mum made d same mistake wen I was little buh u need 2 see d guy nw he luks lyk a mad man notin 2 write home abt him cus I knw am nt d only 1 he has done it 2 so our head done dey catch am.
DeleteForgive him anon.
DeleteOne day karma go use dt him konji do irreversible experiment.
Forgive him and forgive yourself so you can move on. So sorry. This too shall pass
DeleteNice one.
ReplyDeleteThe identity of a poor man is not his real identity. I thought we shared mutual feeling!. My problem started 5years ago, i helped him with our traditional , house rent etc. I thought i was doing the right thing .I bought our landed property in his name and took care of his family as well, he succeeded in being in control of all my belongs and then he started showing me his real colour. He now treats me like a rag and makes fun of before everyone, beating and emotional abuse is an understatement . I am now very broke that i Hardly eat. I know the way forward is to move on but i feel tied based on how much I've invested, based on the fact that all I've ever worked for is in his name. I cry to God every morning & night, i need God to answer call and bring back sunshine into my life.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, you worked for those things and you can do it again. That's the power in you. Do NOT make your life revolve around him. Live for YOU!!! It's hard, yes very very hard to walk, but if you stay, you have sentenced yourself to the misery you are experiencing now, and it may not get easier. My dear love yourself, love yourself, love yourself... he's not worth it!
DeleteLeave and start afresh. Difficult as it is, do it. Remove bitterness from ur heart and move one. God will see u thru. And God will deal with ur husband in his own time.
DeleteCan't u lay hands on d documents.
DeleteGod will hear your cry . Weeping may last for a night but joy comes in the morning.
DeleteBuying properties in your husbands name is a No No
DeleteJust see how you shot yourself in the leg.
Get the police or your family members involved and claim all your properties back before leaving the wicked man for good.
You really tried I pity any woman who buys property and put their husbands name whether he's rich or poor. Madam you can start all over again and God will see you through.
DeleteChai!...
DeleteBUT how can you be a Maga to a man?...it should be the other way round nau...
Am sure he used your money to fuck other women as well...
You have to move on mehn!...ladies,stop mingling with poor men and stop acting miss independent!...
madam read purple hibiscus and end the motherfucker....
DeleteMy sister, u are still alive and can amass even more than u already have. Ur life is more important. Pls don't let him beat u to death. While there is life, there is hope. Seek help pls. I pray God will give u d strength u need to do what u have to do. God bless u
DeleteYimu. Desperado. You think so low of yourself that you don't deserve to work and enjoy the fruits of your labor. You presented yourself to him as a slave. Why complain that he is treating you as you deserve? After all you work hard and give your earnings to your master since you are too daft to enjoy the fruit of your labor. I laugh at women like you. You even married the man. Ejowo let me go and read more deserving stories. If you like die there.
DeleteOde
DeleteHow can u buy things and put them in his name?! It was a grave mistake
DeleteMy dear, heaven helps those who help themselves.
DeleteYou know the way forward, yet you sit down to cry everyday.
Maka gini?
The man obviously used you as a ladder to success.
JSBunny has told you what do to.
See the problem with building with broke ass brothers?
They turn around and mock you for being a fool, by standing by them, when things get better.
So, because you invested whatever, you want to waste the remainder of your life, going back and forth on how much you invested, instead of finding your way out, and rising about the bs?
You can do it.
One thing about we females.
We are resilient, once we put our minds to it.
Close your mind to those negative and pessimistic thoughts, else they won't allow you to break free.
You weren't destined to be enslaved by marriage.
You only live once, so live it to the full. Explore the wonders of creation, and have no regrets.
#WhiteDiamondOut
Please don't be nasty, this could happen to anyone. Madam you did it before you can do it again, find the strenht in you to move forward for yourself n your kids. God is with you.#lessonlearnt
DeleteHe was and will continue to be a lazy man. He will sell those properties to feed. You're the hardworking time so dust your butt and get back to work just as JSbunny said. It's difficult though but you have to do it.
DeleteIf the branches and trunk of a tree is cut down and the root still remains in the soil, it will sprout new leaves. You made those riches, you can still do it again! WALK OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE!
DeleteLeave him n startover. It is hard but it is the only way u can progress. Dont ever ever buy properties in a man's name for what na?
DeleteIf you dont have kids for him ,put petrol on all the properties light it fire and walk dont look back ,he doesnt deserve it ,make sure you razz everything you bought with your money ,broke ass men i hate them from a distance.
DeleteHow could u have been so vulnerable? What a big mistake.
Delete
ReplyDeleteI just turned 18 when I met him
He was everything I wanted in a man as a young girl
I just gained admission into the local polytechnic in my town
I was going to be leaving home for the very first time in my life
I was very excited with the future
I was a happy girl
I made friends quickly and was popular among my peers
I had great fun and laughs with my friends......
I was introduced to him a few weeks after my 18th birthday
We fell in-love so fast and really hard
He told me he loved me, he said he would love me forever
He called me his Little Angel
I was so in love with this man whom everyone loved and respected
He was funny, he made people laugh and also made me laugh and smile
I was the envy of most young girls
I could feel people coming to look at me when I walked out in the streets
I was very happy
I was ready to give everything and spend the rest of my life with this man......
Things began to change slowly
It first started with the first day he slapped me in his car
I have never been slapped before in my life, that was the first time
He told me he hit and scolded me because he loved me
He said it will never happen again if I promised to be the perfect Little Angel and a good girl
I promised and we both cried and made up that night
His attitude started to get obsessive
He would want to know where I was at every minute of the day
He began to talk me down
He controlled where I went
He controlled what I wore
He made me believe that I was nothing without him
He said he was the only man for me and no one would ever love me like he does
He called me his life, he said he would never let me go
And I believed him......
The first slap on the face did not stop rather it got worse
He would hit me with every argument and blame me for it
He suspected my every move
He disliked my friends and warned me off my girl fiends
He wanted to keep me away from my friends and family if he could
He would make me swear and promise never to leave him but stay and obey his every word
He would make me beg and apologise even when I was in the right
I became scared of him even though I felt I loved him
I lost my self esteem and my self worth
I felt less of a woman......
But somewhere at the back of my head I knew that there had to be something better for me
I began to fight and speak back at him
I was surprised at the reaction I would get from him when I stood up to him
He would apologise, cry like a baby and beg with everything
I began to find strength by standing up and speaking up for myself
I told him I was never going to let him hit me again
I told him I was strong and grown
I was not his Perfect little Angel anymore
After 5 years I was grown
I was not a teenager anymore
I found the courage within me and with the help of my family and best to end the relationship
I was walking out of the relationship after 5 years.....
He begged... He pleaded.... He cried....
He threatened me with everything
He stalked me with telephone calls at odd hours and dropping letters at mid night
I was scared but I had to be strong
Because the line had already been drawn....
I was wiser and I was stronger
I knew he was weak
He could not hurt me anymore unless I let him
I was walking away into a better life
I deserved better
And I was going to take my future into my own hands
Good girl! I'm proud of you!
DeleteWow!
DeleteA case of emotional and mental slavery.
Glad to know you found the strength to break free.
#WhiteDiamondOut
U are a goat! Living with a man who didn't pay 1 naira on ur head. In fact if not for my Christianity, I would've daid u deserved the slaps. Nonsense
DeleteThanks guys, your comments have given me even more strenght...
DeleteIts been about 10yrs i walked out of that relationship but i still wake up at night in sweats and fear
Domestic Violence is real and it damages a woman emotionally and mentally and it should not be tolerated in any way, shape or form
I wish i knew then what i know now, mybe things would have been different for me...
No man has the right to put his hands on a woman.
Thanks Stella for giving voice to women with DV experience. May God bless you sis.
You're strong
DeleteThank God u fled.
DeleteCourage is d name of d game
Well done poster.
So proud of you. Esp bcos u put ur feet down at that age, sm pple r stuck in the mental slavery n they r double ur age- as at when u walked out.
DeletePlease tell me it's not true but a joke that u bought properties in a guys name alone? Ur name didn't enter at all? Hmmmmm I don't believe dis.
ReplyDeletea.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
ReplyDelete.
Oky seen...
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
Domestic violence is a form of slavery, people.
ReplyDeleteDamn what the society thinks.
Don't fret about starting over. Better than being beaten to death.
Some small minded individual went on Facebook to say that, the reason why women remain in abusive relationships, is because of good sex.
Tf!
Most victims don't even know what mutual sex feels like anymore.
They do it out of obligation, or its taken by force from the abuser.
Some think about how to take care of their children alone, that's why they endure.
Think about it this way.
If your abusive husband dies today, won't you find a way to raise your children?
And again, this affects the children who grow up in such hostility.
Most of them become abusive, themselves, because that's all they know.
I pray that one day, domestic abusive, will be so vile, so abominable, that anyone found guilty, will be put behind bars.
Funny enough, women are also guilty of this, just that the men in question, don't speak up, for fear of being ridiculed.
Dear ladies, if you're in a relationship, and your man as much as raises a hand against you, or smashes things while angry, don't say that you didn't see the signs. Run!!!
I'm saying this, because that's exactly what I'll do in such situation, no matter how long or how far we've been together.
Better to waste a part of my life with someone, than waste my whole life, or die before my time.
May God see y'all through, who are experiencing different kinds of abuse, in the hands of your partners.
And may he give you the strength, to walk away, without looking back or thinking twice.
#WhiteDiamondOut
Can I ever forget,how my dad used to beat my mum,it was too much to bear,really painful,so many times we had to run out in the middle of the night when the beatings started, neither did he even care if we eat nor not,he won't provided for our feeding,but when he sees us eating he gets angry, he continued until he broke my mums hand and he did not feel bad about it.when she told me she was going to leave him,I felt so happy.she is so much at peace now.I wish men can understand that children are the real victims in all this kind of situations, I had issues and things I wanted to talk about to my parents but I couldn't it made take advice from wrong people,made me look for love outside that I could not find at home and yes I also got my own treatment of an abusive relationship. Right now the only thing I love so much is ME.I have finally found out how to love myself and love life.the thoughts of suicide are finally gone and each day I embrace hope.
ReplyDeleteTake e-hug. It is well
DeleteI know exactly what u went through. I have had same experience including the abusive relationship
DeleteEhugs n kisses. Pele dear
DeleteIf only our women can b more courageous all dis end time idiotic men will rcv sense.
DeleteThank God 4 ur life.
We were engaged to be married. Due to circumstances beyond my control, i moved in with him into a new house i paid for two weeks before the formal family introduction.The rent was 590,000, he paid just 40,000 with a promise that he would pay back what i paid. one month after, (7days to my birthday)he hit me saying that i was dating a married man on our street. Called his parents and my sisters (I'm an orphan) that i was cheating and asked for his ring back which i gave him. Later on he begged, i forgave and moved on. . He has insecurity issues and would call me every minute to find out my movement. He had all my colleagues and driver's number such that each time i don't pick, the next thing is to call him to find out if i am there. He was loving and was also beast at the same time. He would frustrate me then cry and apologise over the same issues. four months later which happened to be the wedding month, he hit me again that i was cheating with another married man and an ex. I just told myself that i had had enough. I cancelled the wedding and informed the church cos we were concluding our marriage counselling and already scheduled a date for the wedding. I informed my family and took to my heels. Mind you, I lost my job that same month and had invested all that i had in the house and on the supposed wedding and was left with zero account.
ReplyDeleteMy life is more important than all the material things i lost to him. Now, I'm a better person. I got a new job this January and a self contain apartment that i live in. I have my joy and peace now than being called a sad MRS at all cost
I wish I took this same route as yours, I would be in this hell of a marriage today
DeleteProud of u dear. God will provide all the money you lost bk
DeleteWow!
DeleteFantastic brilliant anon.
God bless u for shaming dis end time olodo hussie to b.
U wil c tht True love will find
U are a brave lady.
Bye bye to tht ponmo-head end time abuser .
Courage is the name of the game...
Not end time covetousness displayed by most ladies in naija.
Anon 16:10 Can we be friends?
DeleteHappy for u cos u would have been miserable if u had married him
DeleteWe were engaged to be married. Due to circumstances beyond my control, i moved in with him into a new house i paid for two weeks before the formal family introduction.The rent was 590,000, he paid just 40,000 with a promise that he would pay back what i paid. one month after, (7days to my birthday)he hit me saying that i was dating a married man on our street. Called his parents and my sisters (I'm an orphan) that i was cheating and asked for his ring back which i gave him. Later on he begged, i forgave and moved on. . He has insecurity issues and would call me every minute to find out my movement. He had all my colleagues and driver's number such that each time i don't pick, the next thing is to call him to find out if i am there. He was loving and was also beast at the same time. He would frustrate me then cry and apologise over the same issues. four months later which happened to be the wedding month, he hit me again that i was cheating with another married man and an ex. I just told myself that i had had enough. I cancelled the wedding and informed the church cos we were concluding our marriage counselling and already scheduled a date for the wedding. I informed my family and took to my heels. Mind you, I lost my job that same month and had invested all that i had in the house and on the supposed wedding and was left with zero account.
ReplyDeleteMy life is more important than all the material things i lost to him. Now, I'm a better person. I got a new job this January and a self contain apartment that i live in. I have my joy and peace now than being called a sad MRS at all cost
Domestic violence is a serious problem and victims have my deepest sympathy. It is also a fact that not all women are abused in whatever form.
ReplyDeleteEach time the issue of domestic violence comes up, women that claim not to have suffered abuse are seen as joking,gloating, unsympathetic show offs.but here it today..NOT all men are BEAST, we still have loving,caring and kind hearted husband,boyfriend,fiance and EXs
To all the women going through any form of abuse(emotionally,verbally,psychologicall,physically,spiritually and above all marritally) God will strengthen you,uphold you,give u peace,joy,he will wipe your tears and soothe your pain, he will open your eyes,you will not labour in vain,please don't be miserable over one lousy individual called husband that does not give a hoot if you drop dead,love yourself,build yourself,be strong for yourself and focus on things that will establish and make you happy,if the abuse is life threatening please run for your dear life,if you die u are a loss to your children,friends and family... God forbid, it is well with you all Ijn,for those who have solid marriages God will continue to strengthen your marriages (am a living witness and its all by his grace not by my power).for those of you not married God will guide and direct your footsteps to make the right choice eventually IJN Pls don't over look red flags(signs),always be alert to know when to LET IT GO.be intelligent enough to read the hand writting on the wall and bounce.... To my single ladies,pls be conscious enough not to say he will change,they never do but do change in some cases (change they say is constant),some mothers be like...if not for children what is the hype about this marriage?
I decree for such mothers; for staying back because of your children,God will over look all protocol to bless you. God bless u all, bless our husbands(foe single and married) and Mrs Stella the Lord will continue to uplift you
PEACE.
Thank God for u.my friend's own was dat she got so unstable emotionally that she ws alwz talking 2 herself.she came back from Uk after her masters at the age of 22,met the dude he was in2 oil and gas,her family were more than happy that she found herself some1 dt has money just like them,little did they know dt dey were selling her in2 slavery,he flogs her with belt over every little thing.when it got worst was wen he stopped all her friends including me from visiting her bcos dey got married in court,I had 2 device a means 2 keep my friend alive,I kidnapped her wen she ws going 2 church and from dia she was emancipated from the strong hold of d evil being cum hubby.when she narrated her ordeal 2 her family they couldn't even forgive themselves for not digging deep about dia son inlaw b4 giving their blessing.And till now the family alwaz sing my praises.ladies shine ur eyes,if its nt working, walk out maka ndi uta.when I met my hubby I told him there and then that d day he lays his hands on me I wil make sure I cal d military 2 wipe his ass wt koboko.am too precious 2 be used as drumstick.
ReplyDeleteI would never condone violence and I know some men are nothing but animals. However as women we need to be patient in all things. I also used to have an anger issue while dating, went from relationship to relationship. Any little thing they did, I will start ranting and raving, come back late from outing, I have even thrashed and scattered a boyfriends house before bcos I travelled to spend time with him and all he did was go out with his friends and leave me at home. I started noticing a pattern in my life. 1, 2, 3,4 boyfriends will come and go, we will fight, stop communication and break up. Most was the guy being too busy, not having my time, not calling or visiting enuf. Infact the guy I even thrashed his house actually slapped me once. When I got into my last relationship I had to change my whole mind set. Had to decide I can't let my whole existence revolve around a man. If he doesn't call regularly, I will call. If he's busy, instead of nagging and fighting I will be understanding, most importantly have a life outside the rltshp, focus on my self, go our with my friends, have fun. It's not always boyfriend has to take you out. I stopped complaining and nagging and fighting. And as God will have it, I had patience for the last guy and got married. He's not perfect o, infact he annoys me a whole lot, but I saw he takes respect very serious, I respect him, I don't shout, If he does smthn to annoy me instead of shouting, I wait till a time his in a very good mood, maybe during sex sef, or after, tell him lovingly, u did so so and so, I don't like it, you hurt my feelings, don't do it again. And we end it with a kiss. He annoys me steadily o, but I had to learn patience. Reason for my epistle, pls argue with boyfriend and husband with maturity. That is not to say we don't have animals in human skin if when even married to mother Theresa he won't beat. But as women let's be d matured party and argue with sense. I have fewer arguments in my house now. When he annoys me I just cut him off, ignore him, when he sees hornyness wants to kill him, his the one that will cum to me start kissing me and saying his sorry.
ReplyDeleteMature woman
DeleteNO to domestic voilent. Women should learn to speak up and not die in silence. Relationship is not do or die
ReplyDeleteAnd I like to be beaten .sex afterwards is sweeter.am I normal? Help.
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha...
DeleteI know someone like you and NO,you are not normal...
Lord
DeleteNO!
DeleteYou're not normal
You are mentally sick
No my dear u r nt normal. Pls seek help. U r a woman nt an animal, dnt let sm1 beat u. If its BDSM dats a different argument.
DeleteNo my dear, you're not normal. Seek help
DeleteI swore never to let a man torture me physically, emotionally... day I saw my mum shake with dreadful fear as she carried the tray to serve my father his dinner. The memory still hunts me. To see my mum run out of the house late at night without cloths. To be a young girl at 16 threatening to kill my father if he doesn't stop choking my mum. I haven't seen or spoken to my father for so long. The childhood experience shaped my life.
ReplyDeleteRight from childhood, I recall my mother constantly being physically abused by my father, from harsh belt beatings, to bloody beatings, to regularly being locked out for coming home late from work... can you imagine, from someone that wasn't working or bringing a dime to the table.
ReplyDeleteNow the annoying part to me was that why won't she just kick him out, after all its her house and what have you, but being a "christian woman", she decided not to. Mind you, my father is so vile that once he conspired and had her kidnapped but it took the grace of God, for us to have her back at home with us.
The height of it all for my mum was when she asked my dad for some money he had borrowed from her, which he had promised to return and the time which he promised he would have the money back, was long gone... now instead of him to just say, "could you give me more time or something?".. He came all offensive on her; I remember that faithful morning. My sister and I woke up to the raised voices of my parents and had come out just in time He had his slippers in his hand, ready to assault her..This infuriated her... She said... "i now look like a cockroach you want to beat to death with slippers abi?" HE lurched at her, she side-stepped and with her early morning hot coffee in her hand, she turned round and poured it in his face and before you could say jack I saw my mother jump and smash the empty coffee mug on his head....Now just so you understand, my dad is a tall, over 6ft, while my mum barely makes the 5ft mark, so this was very surprising for my sister and I as we watched on, screaming and begging them to stop... they couldn't hear us, their was quite a scuffle then i saw my mum jump on his back and lock him in choke. Her sheer weight on his aging back was too much for him and he fell,
they were still going at it on the floor, amidst the shards of broken mug pieces and the slippery coffee spill.
That was when i realized that somebody may die accidentally and decided to go and stop them. i jumped n the middle of the whole mess, swept the broken mug pieces aside with one hand, and started dragging them both to the ground. after about some minutes of my intervention, we were able to restore calm to the house. my dad sustained a small injury on his leg and he kept crying that look at what she did to him.. in my mind i'm like this is only a fraction of what you've been doing to her over the years...
Now, what is the lesson in this..Women always stand up for yourselves assertively, don't just take all the shit thrown at you, from the start of your relationship. men are actually dogs: constantly testing the boundaries to which they are allowed to misbehave.
After that episode about three years ago, till date.. my dad has gradually come to respect all what she has done for him and us, his 4 kids ( 3 of us are graduates, with foreign masters degrees) and he has begun to accord her the much deserved respect he hasn't been giving her.
If your man beats you once,it could
ReplyDeletebe a mistake but if he beats you the
second time then it's a habit he is likely never going to stop.......forget what the society will say, they are never going to be there when he hits you, so why should you be bother they'll make mockery of you if you leave.......
Gosh, I so much hate this....I spent 19 years with my dad before he passed on and never for once did he raise his hands on my mum.
I've grow to understand violence aint the way out, if you feel displeased, talk it out rather than hitting her.
I always tell any lady I date, the day I hit you or verbally assault you, please Leave.
This is someone I woo, someone I love, someone I call my friend. Do friends beat each other? No. So why heat your woman when you called her ur friend, your love. Please Let's say NO to DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
#Wrench
I didn't mention earlier that he stopped me from visiting my friends and family. Anywhere he permitted me to go, we went together. My eldest sister relocated to Sango, he followed me there the first day cos he didn't want me to go alone. I couldn't even visit my godparent or go to the market alone, he followed me everywhere and would call every minute. Gosh! those calls were always embarrassing because, i would explain the type of car, the number and sex of the other passengers, the person siting beside me whether male or female. We were known as a loving couple on the street and to all our friends because we were always together. No one understood why. Yes, we were loving, I loved him with everything in me and he used to claim he loved me but couldn't stop abusing me.Yes! he was loving and was also a beast at the same time. If any unknown/unsaved number calls, i must put the call on speaker so he would hear the conversation. He would call me a prostitute after an argument and insult the hell out of me. I was almost becoming a shadow of me until i found myself again. Loosing my job made me crazy cos it was a setup because i refused to succumb to my E.D's sexual request. As if that was not enough, he hit me saying that i was cheating. Little did i know that he was actually cheating. He used to swear with everything in him that he wasn't and would never cheat on me till his last breath. I believed him a 100%. I found the courage to move out then discovered he was cheating on a day i went visiting. His GF called me to rain insults on me. He had told her all sorts of lies just to get her money since i wasn't working again. I even collected AJO (contribution) at he office before i was fired and i was the 2nd hence left with 10k gbese/debt to pay monthly till march this year and i wasn't working. I had spent all i had to furnished the house since we were getting married and spent a lot to make the house up to standard(my taste). He was earning far less than me so i assisted in a lot of things.
ReplyDeleteTo cut the story short, after I finally left him. he kept calling to beg that he was sorry that i should come back that he can not survive without me and all those stories. Anywhere ,I am a better person now. I have moved on and bettered myself. I am happy with myself. I've got my confidence back! I AM A HAPPIER SINGLE THAN BEING AN ETERNALLY SAD MRS
I didn't mention earlier that he stopped me from visiting my friends and family. Anywhere he permitted me to go, we went together. My eldest sister relocated to Sango, he followed me there the first day cos he didn't want me to go alone. I couldn't even visit my godparent or go to the market alone, he followed me everywhere and would call every minute. Gosh! those calls were always embarrassing because, i would explain the type of car, the number and sex of the other passengers, the person siting beside me whether male or female. We were known as a loving couple on the street and to all our friends because we were always together. No one understood why. Yes, we were loving, I loved him with everything in me and he used to claim he loved me but couldn't stop abusing me.Yes! he was loving and was also a beast at the same time. If any unknown/unsaved number calls, i must put the call on speaker so he would hear the conversation. He would call me a prostitute after an argument and insult the hell out of me. I was almost becoming a shadow of me until i found myself again. Loosing my job made me crazy cos it was a setup because i refused to succumb to my E.D's sexual request. As if that was not enough, he hit me saying that i was cheating. Little did i know that he was actually cheating. He used to swear with everything in him that he wasn't and would never cheat on me till his last breath. I believed him a 100%. I found the courage to move out then discovered he was cheating on a day i went visiting. His GF called me to rain insults on me. He had told her all sorts of lies just to get her money since i wasn't working again. I even collected AJO (contribution) at he office before i was fired and i was the 2nd hence left with 10k gbese/debt to pay monthly till march this year and i wasn't working. I had spent all i had to furnished the house since we were getting married and spent a lot to make the house up to standard(my taste). He was earning far less than me so i assisted in a lot of things.
ReplyDeleteTo cut the story short, after I finally left him. he kept calling to beg that he was sorry that i should come back that he can not survive without me and all those stories. Anywhere ,I am a better person now. I have moved on and bettered myself. I am happy with myself. I've got my confidence back! I AM A HAPPIER SINGLE THAN BEING AN ETERNALLY SAD MRS
my mum walked out of her 30years marriage alive but with little or no self esteem. stella if i begin type your blog no go contain her story. i no get strenght jare.
ReplyDeleteGod help all who are passing through this monster called domestic violence. Don't die in silence. Speak up
ReplyDeleteOn day I know I will be bold enough to take that step and leave. My marriage is slavery. All I get is dos n donts, rules and regulations, orders, all of which if I fail to adhere to am in trouble. But these days I begin to get stubborn gradually, Lord please continue to give me that boldness.
ReplyDeleteWith tears in my hrt I write dis, DV really has psychological effect on d kids spent 22yrs of my life watching my mum being abused physically n emotionally. Being d only child I watched it all alone. Can't forget d nite I knelt down crying as a little child of 8yrs begging my dad 2 forgive my mum wateva d matter was but he shouted at me and daily d hatred 4 my dad grew, it didn't end wit my dad I kept other guys far from me. My mum is still facing d heat thou, he is no longer hitting her but he ignores n treats her lyk a furniture. He z so jealous of her 2 d extent dat wen he see's her happy he does sumtin 2 make her cry n my mum z very emotional. Am in a relationship ryt now n it z affectin me cos I get scared of boo n he try's 2 make me free wit him. I must confess boo has really tried helpin me out of it but am still scared of guyz cos all around me are bad marriages wit DV. I realy nid help. Dad has not changed. I see d bitterness he has 2wards my mum in his eyes. As I write dis they are not talking 2 eachother n am d middle man. Seeing all wat dad z doing I pour d pains on boo either by shoutin on him or claiming boss over him cos I dnt wnt 2 end up like mum. My mum preached against alchol n wud never touch it before but now she takes it like water 2 help subside the worries n pains hoping n praying he wud changed. Spoke 2 her abt leavin but she says, "I luv God n dnt wnt u 2 suffer". It's hard 4 me to sit n talk 2 dad am scared of him. Domestic violence affects d kids also.
ReplyDeleteReading the previous editions of this DV posts is a sincere eye opener to me. A lot of women go through so much it's unbelievable. I read a story of a woman that had been going through dv for the 13 years of her marriage and finally got the courage to walk out but without anything financially because the man manipulated her ability to progress. the man doesn't give her money and wouldn't let her work but I felt like there were ways for her to get money out of him. He drops money for house maintainance right? Inflate the list, if the house items cost 5k, make the list 20k , buy what is needed and put the rest aside in your savings, anything that would demand him bringing out money, always inflate for your gain etc ... while u prepare your escape route. Even if u have to save small money that will help u start a small business that will grow is not a bad idea. I read of a bv who said she started a business with N5000 and now has a million in her savings and is plotting her get away from her abusive marriage. I'm newly married and it's been tough for me as well, I've been going through a lot of financial and emotional abuse up to the extent that it has left me depressed severally... Before u ask me why im not working, I relocated from nigeria to join my husband in another country and I'm currently doing my papers hence my inability to work on a visa. Anytime I ask my husband for money it would result in a fight so I have learnt to let go and since Months now I have been taking care of myself. The beautiful thing is that I had put money to the side prior to relocation.... Not because I was planning for the worst but because I learnt lessons from my mum and saw how she struggled because my dad wasn't giving her that much and vowed that I wouldn't be in her shoes in my own marriage. My dad even made fun of her severally and told her that the reason why she's still married to him is because of financial security. I decided that I was going to always have my money after experiencing what my mother went through. In summary I just want to advice women to always consider having some sort of finance because no body knows tomorrow, marriage may be sweet today and sour tomorrow and u might have to make a move that involves funds. Don't be a victim of enduring an abuse because u don't have money to move on like many women complained of. I wish everyone the best in their daily struggles. Marriage no easy.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate with all the instances shared above. For those in abusive relationships, speak up, seek help or leave the relationship.
ReplyDeleteAnon 17.41, I think we share a lot in common. I used to be angry and temperamental and it cost me my relationships as a young girl, intact one of d guy's I dated almost hit me once. I needed to work on my anger. I sought for God's help and my mum continuous counselling help me a great deal. I'm married to a man who is emotionally mature and God fearing. In d 6yrs of our marriage he has never hit me. we have issues,I get angry but when I'm angry he is calm,he won't respond. I'm d one dt will still realize that I'm wrong and apologise. God has also worked on me as I angry and unnecessarily angry and bitter anymore
My marriage would have been 10yrs this year. MY GOOD PEOPLE I WALKED OUT LAST YEAR.MINE WAS EMOTIONAL ABUSE...I WAS DEPRIVED SEXUALLY,while my chilhood friend and house helps got it on a regular.l was made to feel like I was the problem.Beacause I wanted to keep my marriage ,I did everything to be a better woman.l ran my own business with so much passion and vigour as a distraction.
ReplyDeleteI was suffering and smiling.
One day he went on a weekend trip to ondo with his friend.He posted pictures on facebook and this lady posted exact pictures.When i confronted him he beat me and yet I stayed.
Last year in a similar situation he broke my phone and it dawned me that I was being abused so I made plans to leave.
Am glad I did...it's tough but am trusting God and taking it one step @a time.I bless God for my family they have been so supportive.��zima you can't hurt me anymore,am a Good woman and for a moment I forgot that.My motto for life now is, i love you ,but I LOVE ME MORE
For the lady saying that one should inflate house maintainance money,my hubby goes to the market himself,he doesn't drop money.
ReplyDeleteYour husband must be stingy to the core
DeleteE-hugs to all the women suffering DV.. D Lord's ur strength!
ReplyDeleteI really can't understand what is happening here. I asked for money to buy things for our relication back to Nigeria specifically $45000 which you sent but said I should be telling u how i spent. I was in school with four kids. Anyone that has lived in the diaspora knows how tough it is, wether you have a nanny or not. Nannys only take care of the baby and nothing else. From a life of having two maids to none in a strange land all in an instant. I tried my best ooo. Really tried to keep up with going to school full time taking care of tbe kids and meeting up with all your outrageous demands. Everytime i wanted to buy stuff i always called you and took permission up until it got to crunch time when i was packing up things to come back home, rounding up my school work, making sure the kids were ok, making sure the house we rented was returned spick and span as is oyibo policy. U started complaining to a mutual friend that i havent told you how much i had spent so far. It was 3am US time and i had been packing but decided to call and let you know how much was left. I had been telling you all along up until $12000. I now told unit was $7000 left to which you exploded like a canon ball and started yelling at me. That u wanted to use any balance left to pay some ppl u were owing. And i replied andsaid you shd not put ur mind on the money that it was what i asked for and u gave me. This was just the beginning of my hell. Ive bn pmeading that i
ReplyDeleteIve bn pleading that im very sorry i reacted in anger. Shdnt av called u at that time but the pressure was soo much to meet every deadline. U called my parents and told them all the sins ive eve committed against u over the years we've been married 12yrs. I dunno what u expected but i tabled out all my concerns and how u like micromanaging everything and how tough it was for me to survive in the Us alone with 4 kids n school my last baby is not even 2 yrs old now and my eldest just turned 10. From here now it has turned to i painted u black before my parents. Heaping all kinds of insults on me that wht did my parents do for me? That u made me who i am? I know i was not starving before i came to ur house. Neither were u the rich man u are today. We started off in a flat even though it was a big flat. I said u like to make things look easy but u know theyre not first of all hou were barely talking to me bcos i requested for more money to take care of the kids during our stay. I had to involve out Godparents before u incresed the money. Then u said i neva told u injust lavished the money that im giving it to a man somewhere!!u even had the guts to mention this to my dad and he told you he didnt see any money while in the us. That he knows i spent it on the family. Most of the items i bought are in container coming back. Why not be patient so you can see where ur money went but no way. U just keep heaping insults on me telling me im lazy and spoilt that i shd go and work that u have spoilt me. Spoilt me? When we first got married and i wanted to work u said no wait after the kids. Now it has turned to im lazy and spoilt. U told me this morning that if not for my health u wouldve sent me away and married someone else. For the past three weeks since we came back ive bn on my knees begging u to forgive. But i see now that u have a heart of stone. Look at what ur telling me. For spending money on clothes and household for the family. Now uve restricted my recharge card to N1500 and the cole I normally drink uve cut it off. As if those things are what will finish ur money. My father has even pleaded with you for peace yet u find it so hard to forgive. All i get from u is insults about how im nothing and i shd go and work in my fathers company
ReplyDeleteEven after all the plans to work in urs. Pls my fellow women that are married to rich men. How much does ur husb give u for food? My own gives a lot but he eats fresh fish dry fish chicken only with anymesl. Everyone knows those things are expensive. U make it seem as if ure mr perfect but the emotional abuse ive gotten in this marriage of 12yrs is too much to mention. Somehow i blame my nanny cos she's always saying beg say sorry. If not all this wldve bn over long ago and this marriage wldve bn done with. But now after 4 kids what do i do?im torn and heartbroken. Almost wishing i neva returned and just called it quits. Barely hanging in there just for my kids. I dunno what crimes ive committed to deserve such inhumane treatment. Ppl make mistakes. Ive pleaded and pleaded but to no avail. If not for these kids i wldve taken my own life and been done with it.
ReplyDeleteBut here i am. I said i will give u a detailed account but everything hasnt come yet. I really wish i cld walk away bcos i have no desire whatsoever to be married to you anymore. Just bidding my time. It is well
ReplyDeleteNa wao. I really do sympathise wit everyone goin tru DV. I do humbly tink we women hav our own contibution to DV cos it takes 2 to tango. It's either u unknowingly put urself down for d man, whc gav him access to fiscally or emotionally abuse u (whn u were blindly in love, u leaked secrets abt u & ur family, talked down abt urself & let him knw ur insecurities) becos a man wil treat u d way he see u treat/carry urself. Or u didn't do anything wise whn he first started abusin u! Am 35 by April dis year & am single, never bin married neither am I in a hurry cos I love myslf to death and wudnt trade my happines 4 anytin! Wht am I sayin a man wil treat u d way u porteay urslf to him, I had my 1st boyfriend @ d age of 23, thou I found out he constantly fiscally abused his imediate past gf, my 3yrs wit him he neva laid his hands on me but abused me emotionally! Dia was a time he had a former gf com visit him, whn I came over he practically told me I hav to go cos he has a visitor. Being young & naive I went bck to my papa aus I wz fully awake till day break lik dis enh. Wz not funny & his broda's suported him o. Can't even type al d tins he did to but can rember d times I travelled frm my sch to his place abt 7hrs journey wit my money o, he wil tel me he had travelled, dat I shd luk 4 a way to wait for him and I wil b lik but u knew I wz on my way to ur place!? Whn he did it d 2nd time I jst carried my bag and went bck to sch cryin lik a baby in d bus and dat wz d end of d rltnship. By d time he got over his ego to call me, I had long moved on! Abt last 3yrs we reconected tru fb he tried to find his way bck wz even serious abt marriage and I told him "If ur d last man on earth den I choose to remain single!" am still begging God 2 giv me d grace to 4giv him cos d only tin I feel for him is hatred. Then he alwyz tel me dat if I leave him, I wil regret it cos I wil neva see a gud man lik him and dat he wil be a very rich man in d future lol
ReplyDeleteIn my 3rd year in University, I started anoda one wit my dream man, tall, handsome, soft spoken, rich but I later found out he slps wit everytin on skirt, even wit all my friends! I wz abused emotionally again! He doesn't argue whn confronted, he wil alwyz apologise & play d victim card dat "she is bin d one throwyin herslf at me" even my next door neighbour. I wz destroyed! It started affecting my studies, my friends started drawing my attention to my unseriousnes at sch even my course adviser. But I cudnt help myslf, cos he made me believe it wz my fault, my self esteem wz destroyed! I wz detached, bitter and anti social, he wudnt even let me socialize, went to d extent of using a new no to cal me pretendin to b some1 else, tank God I didn't give in to all d advances of d "new guy" Bcos d promises of d fake new guy "himself" were all his shortcomings, which meant he knew wht he wz doin. Imediately I went for service, I told him it wz over. He abused d hell out of me on fone, txt msgs hw gud for nothin I am, dat no man wil marry me, hw usesles and dumb I am, Hmmmmmm I can't even type all d nonsense, but it did had effect on me cos I bcame very depressed wit low self esteem, after dat we got bck. Abeg no cuss me dis guy is very charmin and manipulative but after abt 6months or so, cos I went to see him in anoda state on his invitation o, he sent my flight fare and all. Long story short, our flight wz delayed so I got to PH late, some1 I met aboard d plane adviced me I luk for whr to put up & continue my journey d nxt day, wht?! He wil go bunkers dat I went to slp wit a man, so I tuk a drop, u knw hw PH traffic dey be naw and we entered elele arnd 2am. D hotel refused me entrance, sayin until dey hear frm him, and lo & behold he was no whr to be found! He wznt in d rm, fone switched off. So I was outside d gate as lover man drove in arnd 4am wit anoda woman in car! Took abt 30mins 4 him to acknowledge my presence and I didn't see him til arnd 8am. Whn he came to see me, he dragged me up frm d bed and started rainin insults on me lik whr wz I comin frm and al dat. Whn I got to my base I summoned courage to call it quits, he begged and begged I refused to listen, I jst changed my sim.
ReplyDeleteIt made me close my heart to men. As I cudnt get a job, I started a biznes and poured all my luv, passion and whole heart into it. Started regaining my self esteem and confidence. I met dis guy 2014, he is a charmer, handsome, wealthy, powerful, he started pursuin me, I developed interest imediately, I mean it's bin long I was wit a man 'covers face' I missed being in a relationship. As I got closer to him I notice he is very arrogant & cocky. Let me explain, after we got talkin for a while, he asked me to com see him, we live in different states. On my acct, he didn't giv me money for flight and I didn't ask cos I didn't want him to tink am after his money and again am very comfortable financially to God b d glory. As I got to his base, mr lover man refused takin my cals, I reached his PA who reluctantly picked my cal and asked me to sort myslf out dat he wil get bck to me. Dat wz hw I spent 2days witout hearin frm or seein neither of dem and I went bck to my base shamelessly. After abt 1 month he started callin me witout even talkin abt d previous event, I was intrigue, so I played along. We got bck to comunicatin lik notin happened. I notice a trend; he takes my call only whn he is d one dat asked (commanded) me to cal him, atimes sef he wil not pick. After a few weeks he asked me to visit him again, I played along but summoned courage to ask him for tfare but he said I shd take care of it, so on d d-day I politely declined and cudnt get ticket. He said no problem, so we continued talkin and he ket askin whn I wil com and see him. On one occasion whn I had biznes to d in his state, dat wz late last year, on dat day imediately I entered his state, I told him, he inquired whr I was, I gav him my itenary includi , hotel we were stayin cos I went for a retreat. Had only 1day to spend after d retreat b4 leavin town cos I hav oda appointments, am talkin abt biznes apointment dat I hav colected down payments for. Accordin to him, he wil b comin bck d day I wz supose to leave, I sugested mayb we wil see nxt time and tried to giv reasons why I wudnt wait for him and how important d biznes apointment were to me. Mr lover man responded and I quote 'u just hav to wait for me'. My gf wz lik why don't u wait and see him so u can finally talk wit him & she mockingly added abi u wan marry ur biznes. Dat wz hw I decided to stay o. On d day he said he wil b bck I called him trout dat day he didn't pick, msgs no response! I kept me stranded once again! Dat wz hw I ended goin to my base witout seein him or any word frm him. I only sent him text dat I wil b leavin in d mornin. After few weeks, he reached out, I ignored him, he kept textin and den ordered me to cal him later in d day, d next day I jst respectfully told him I slept off dtz why I didn't cal. His bin tryin to reach out since and I refused to budge. So why my long epistle, no matter hw abusive a man is, he wil be innocent until he see some1 to abuse! So are u makin urself available for ds abuse. My dear u hav all it takes to succed all by urself cos u can do all tins tru Christ dat strengthnet u. So u only need God not an abusive man! Seek God & knw him for urslf. Peace!
ReplyDeleteSo am realy tankful for dis forum, if not how I go take knw say if ur taken for granted lik dis it's an abuse. But why do men confidently and hapily put women down lik dis? Seeing anoda human being as inferior and wortless. Why do dey feel lik God's?! Disgusting! I hate men!
ReplyDeleteI agree @exciting lifestyle. I think we unknowingly put outselves down in front of these men so they can trample on us and treat us however they like. Even unwittingly because at the beginning ure trying to put everything you have into the marriage to show ure in for the long haul. Im the anonymous that posted before yours. Anyway when things go sour as they have in mine, it's those things that he uses to emotionally degrade and abuse me. It's a shame that women are still regarded as second class citizens here in Nigeria. Im still considering my options......very soon......
ReplyDeletepls ladies don't use ur kids as excuse to stay in abusive marriage is u die you will end up leaving those kids on their own. say no to domestic violence. shame on guys that beat their wifes
ReplyDelete