Stella Dimoko Banker Tales....


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Thursday, January 18, 2018

Banker Tales....

Next customer please! Next customer please!

Yes that is always my chant, it’s a really slow day; there are no customers in the banking hall, but in my usual playful manner, I wasn’t going to stop the chant simply because the customers were not physically present. In my mind’s eye, I am working hard but salary mustn’t come in my mind’s eye sha, alert must be real. The unusual serenity made me remember my much younger days.

Those days when there were just a few banks, and Bankers were; you know BANKERS. These days the so called bankers are everything else i beg. Yes even you the full staff. Hmmm, those days we said hi to them from afar. My uncle was one; he always had a brief case with him and now that I think of it, he wore funny suits.

Banking was not for children. If I follow any of my parent or grand mum to the bank, I sat quietly, scared, thinking the place was sacred. From the gates of the bank, we saw only serious faced people who gave us the feeling that if we misbehaved, we would get arrested or something. The banking halls were like a grave yard, everyone talked in hush tones. Maybe it’s the small town I grew up in or perhaps it was this way everywhere.

The little voice startled me, brought me back to the present, the job I found myself doing; one I did with all my heart while hoping for another. She must be about 9years old I thought. ‘How may I help you’ I said beaming with a smile like I was talking to the president (it was Jonathans tenure). ‘I want to pay in’. ‘How much?’ She handed me the deposit slip. The amount blew me away. Who gives a child over a hundred thousand naira all the way from a shop or home to the bank? Well, we are not allowed to attend to minors and I certainly wasn’t touching that sum; not when she can’t even watch my machine while I count. Who would even sign my receipt? Should anything go wrong; who do I talk to about it?

I called my Boss’s attention to it, he asked me to count. Rather than stay with me, he went back to his gossip (a slow day is a good day for idle chatter in the bank). I stood up, took the cash from her, flipped through the bills for possible mix up of denominations; there was a lot of it. I prayed in my mind for God to take control cos this na the first sign of trrrroooouuble. So I separated the cash, standing trying to make sure the little girl could see what I was doing. Tellers’ slabs are way too high for children to see what goes on inside the cubicle.

One thousand bills this way, five hundred bills this way, two hundreds this way and so on. Finally we separated successfully. In my standing position, I counted the cash with my hands, did my narration at the appropriate corner of her deposit slip. I noticed a difference of five hundred naira. With cash still on the slab, I called my oga again, he dismissed me with a return-the-cash wave of the hand. I did just that.

In a flash, the lady came out of nowhere, screaming that she counted her money and it was all complete! I was out to steal an innocent girls’ five hundred naira. I was already labelled a thief, how very embarrassing. Emi l’aye mi ke. I calmly told her to please check properly. She said she was watching me count the money and she knows I took it. hian! How? When? I quickly balanced my cash to be sure the money didn’t fly off by mistake. I checked around me for an idle 500naira bill, there was none. I was trained to always report to my Boss when issues are getting out of hand so I called Oga again. Customers can be really funny sha, I know we have tellers without integrity but 500 naira?! Help me close my mouth please.

We had gone through the trouble of making her watch the CCTV footage of how I attended to the girl before she finally agreed to check. Perhaps she has been duped by a teller before hence her hesitation abi na confidence sef. Well, she saw a note of five hundred naira in her bag but wasn’t sure if it was part of the money, I collected the note, recounted the money and posted for her. This was already a bad day so I couldn’t bring myself to wish her a nice day.

Only God knows what really happened to the 500naira.

I have read business laws and I know that in the first place, it was wrong of me to attend to a minor since they lack capacity to enter into any form of contract. However, banking has so much evolved that not attending to a minor and asking them to return with the cash meant for deposit would be termed a disservice to the customer, and to the EDs; loss of funds to the bank.

It is advisable to arrange your money by denomination, where possible, be sure what each denomination amounts to. It saves both you and the teller any form of doubt but, if it’s really not do able, shine your eyes too.

*I heard of a case where a Teller took some from Dollars being paid in,the act was carefully executed.She fell some money on the floor and didnt pick up all back but cunningly pushed some under.....


  1. And tellers can't count the heck our of money just to be sure.

  2. I don't understand this story.

  3. The simple reason why bankers will collect deposit from a minor is CORPORATE GREED. Had it been the "minor" came to withdraw or cash a check, will you have attended to her; will your boss have told you to go ahead? By God's grace I am not one to be deceived by banking duplicity in Nigeria.

  4. Lol..My big sis worked in banking for almost a decade. She said one of her colleagues removed N1 from every transaction for about 4 years. The customers never complained. I mean! It's just N1. Until the auditors showed up. Hehehe. The guy disappeared when he smelt fire on the mountain. And it was one of those busy branches.

    When they checked his records, even his home address when he came for interview was false. And no one had a any person so details about him, yet he was the friendliest in the bank. No one had ever been to his house/church etc. Till today the guy disappeared. And the bank cant say what happened because if they had done more thorough auditing they should have noticed way earlier than they did. So its shared blame. Long story.

  5. It happened to me. One teller at a bank took my 5000. She told me it wasn't complete. She did not know that it was the advance payment for her coffin she stole.

    1. Say what? Advance what? 🤔🤔🤔

    2. I just de laugh any how for ur comment.
      U are mouthed

  6. Me I once had money refunded to me after I over paid...

  7. Some bankers do steal people's money so I don't blame her some years ago I. Went to withdrew money from a bank. At sakponba road cos I want to open an account with another bank it was almost closing time so I was in a hurry they gave me the money almost a. Million naira didn't count cos of time and it was tied rushed to the other bank only for them to say some amount was missing I nor come know whom to accuse Weda na uba wen I go collect money or zenith wen I Dey pay

  8. A person with integrity issues will steal whether a banker or not. It cut across all professions. Stop the myopic thinking that it is only bankers. Questionable character is a plaque.

  9. You sound like a zenith bank tellee


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