Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Marriage Diaries...

Advertisement

Advertisement - Mobile In-Article

Monday, January 29, 2018

Marriage Diaries...

We want to share what some women/men go through in marriages but can't share with people around them...
Whatever it is,you are not alone!







STATUS - Married housewife with a baby. 

I am taking you through some marriage hassles I had during the week. Please ride with me and your feedback is very necessary.

My baby needed new clothes because she has outgrown the current ones plus she needed church and party wears.
So I told hubby and we decided to go for the mini shopping. But due to past experiences, I knew hubby was not going to give me the money. I knew we were going together.


Hubby is not stingy but he likes to pokenose. Lol

I know some might say that's caring or romantic. Well, it was supposed to be until hubby started exhibiting his manliness, dominance and I know it all attitude. I am not perfect but please allow me to vent. A Man should NEVER be petty. 

There is a clothing outlet where hubby likes. Its sort of expensive and the clothes have a lot of replica that you might see a lot of Tom, Dick and Harry wearing.

However, I believe that we could have gone to the popular Balogun market and get better trendy cloths and quality at less prices.
Another option was to also get first grade wears. They are as good as new and very unique too. But hubby will never agree. He says our child must wear new cloths.

So as a submissive wife and penniless one at that, I let dear hubby have his way.
I have a good idea but no money but in Nigeria, an idea without money backing it is void(Abi. I lie?).
With what hubby earns, we cannot afford to shop all the time for our child. We can only do that when it is HIGHLY NECESSARY. 

We started to pick clothes ( both of us).As a lady who understands some things about fabrics, I know I should not pick nylon material or some particular type of fabrics for her because of discomfort and heat.
You know some materials prick the skin for children of her age. We also attend a church that is just growing that has little or no ventilation. All these I explained to hubby.


Another thing I put into consideration is colours and designs of the shoes, sneakers and sandals she has at home. I wanted to pick cloths that can match with them so that she can rock it together as we were not getting any new feet wears.

I also want you to note that hubby is in no way a fashion person. He cannot match colours and don't know what goes on what.
His own idea of clothing in is "I just want to cover my nakedness". But I am the opposite. I am not a fashionista. But at least fashion conscious and I dey try,(Allow me to put on some shoulder pad.lol).


Our child does not have much clothings but with my packaging and combination, you will think her wardrope is huge and our bank accounts fat.
He picked fabrics I didn't agree with because of the reasons I mentioned earlier. But I stood my ground. I could bulge for myself but not my daughter. No way! She must have the best with whatever we can afford.
So I went on to choose some stuffs. In other to be fair I picked one of the cloths he picked and added to our basket.

Our budget was Ten thousand naira. While the cashier was calculating, fortunately, she calculated my own choices first. The total was 8,500 naira. She went ahead to add the gown he chose. The balance rose to 11,800.
So I consulted him that what do we do. He said we are sticking to our budget.
Remember I didn't like the dress so I gladly dropped it.

Please note that he sat in a corner a bit far from the cashier. I had to inform him to come and see and later call him again to come and pay.
All the while Oga was fuming, he didn't say it but I knew. I no send. Though I played safe by chatting and all that.
We had 1500 left so went inside the Balogun market to buy socks and if possible sandal(even if na rubber).

That's when Oga displayed another attitude o. He will stay a bit far away from me. I will do the pricing hassles and call out to hubby in Loud tone to come and pay.
Hubby will come and ask me like two times how much he is paying, before he will dip his hands into his pockets and pay.

I am very sure Hubby heard me the first time. But in other to display his egocentric nature and "I am in charge attitude" he chose to do that. (Am I over reacting?)
I found it embarrassing. He could have given me the money and let me pay. He is indirectly telling everyone that I am not earning presently (that's how am seeing it. Or am I the proud one?).


When we got home and we both cooled off, I told him how I felt.
That was when oga exploded o. Well he didn't agree with me and I didn't agree with him either. And No we didn't quarrel.But we were both not happy with each others behaviour.


He saw it from the perspective of I didn't like anything he picked.
But really,who was wrong?
For those who will say I should also work. Am presently undergoing training and by His Grace will be starting something soon and will be adding petty trading when we have the capital.


PS...
I know this situation is avoidable if I have my own money. I will have gone to the market to buy it. The time is coming when this sorts of petty something will stop. ......

50 comments:

  1. It is well with you and hubby.

    You learn everyday.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Minor issues, no big deal, imo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This isn't minor. Na so e dey start. If they don't curb this attitude now, it may escalate to something worse

      Delete
    2. It is not minor. Perhaps you have not experienced it. The worse is the show-off b4 he pays. I have a similar thing going on but add stinginess to it, and it keeps happening on and on.
      The pent up anger and frustration has welled up so much that I have prepared for the worse.

      Delete
  3. Please beg if you want to, this corner corner begging get as e be. The story no get head sef

    ReplyDelete
  4. Na wa! Una go dey alright

    ReplyDelete
  5. chai . is very important for a wife to work. This men can do n undo

    ReplyDelete
  6. It's all about understanding jare
    Thank God you are starting something soon.

    Mothers will always be mothers, we don't mind emptying our accounts for the children.
    And your hubby is not a bad person,its all about understanding.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Marriage is understanding. Please forget about the feelings you Have, when you have money u can show him how to dress babies. Compliment him each time he picks clothes for her and praise him whenever she wears them but it doesn't have to be everytime she will wear them. Imagine it this way...both you and hubby will like to give your kids what you might not have enjoyed when you both were young hence hubby getting pleasure from picking and paying for baby's clothes. It doesnt have to be all the time but indulge him

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You made sense. But i think when shopping on a budget, both parties have to be careful to choose the right thing. When the budget increases we can buy the things she won't wear often. Please Nigeria is hard.

      Delete
  8. This one na issue? Pick cloth, no pick cloth? Pay, i no wan pay ?

    ReplyDelete
  9. I dont know what men have turned themselves to nowadays.....Really? Stella walahi, if I ever have to go to the market with my wife, just know she forced me. What the hell, let a woman do a woman's thing. Infact let me gist you guys, there is a popular politician in Lagos state, who goes to the market alone. He never allows the wife buy anything. I mean pepper, rice, yam, school bags for kids. the imbecile will now disguise when he s going to the market.

    I blame the women sha, cos you ought to notice this things when you re dating. Its not love ,open your eyes, differentiate between stupidity and love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are very funny.

      Delete
    2. Thank you o jare! What are men really turning into? Follow woman enter market? I wont even go with him. Its the woman's responsibility to do the major shopping. If you want to go please pass by on your way to work and spoil your daughter silly. Afterall na you get sperm.

      Madam, you've answered yourself. If you don't have your own money you won't be able to take decisions in that house. Do the needful!

      Delete
    3. So its a woman's duty to go to the market? A man is called an imbecile bcus he shopped alone? So men shouldn't step their feet in the market..or shouldn't shop because they are MEN. Buying things is now gender-stereotyped. Wonders!

      Delete
    4. This is my hubby.Very wealthy but buys everthing himself including maggi,salt,detergent you name it. He hardly lets me touch money except he has no choice and i don't even know if I should call him stingy cos he's father Christmas to outsiders

      Delete
    5. Not really Mz Lynn. Take my case for example, I moved to Europe to join hubby who is a doctor but the guy na aka gum! For the first 10 years i couldn’t work due to recession and it’s a country where they give work to only their people. This man will go to work and come home on weekend or forth night without even leaving €50 or any amount for me. He goes shopping all by himself so I won’t pick anything that he deems expensive. He gave me his jumper to wear for a long time because he didn’t want to buy me a coat...but he was sending money to his parents and siblings. I got work on our 11th year and we’ve been married for 16yrs. I hate seeing men in African shops cos of how he treated me cos I think they might be stingy like him. Men like my husband have no business getting married.. can’t wait for my children to settle down and then when he is old and tired, I will serve my revenge cold and sweet!

      Delete
    6. Mzlynn I follow you shout wonders!

      Delete
  10. I have two children but husband dont want more, how can i trick him to agree for one more baby.. The two are 10 and 8yrs.. Im getting lonely, also is two children not too small for a rich husband?? I have a boy and girl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Madam u sure say ur hubby no get kids outside? Beta investigation. Coz I dnt see how a rich man will want just 2 kids...

      Delete
    2. Oh pls, her husband does not necessarily have other kida outside, my dad insisted on 2 kids, just me and my sis, he is dead now (God bless his soul) and no outside child has shown face till now. He gave us the best and i am forever proud of him.

      Delete
    3. Well my hubby is not rich and we are not poor either my kids are 8 and 6 yrs, I begged and begged him for another child, buy he didn't agree. So i jejely went to remove the family planning I had on me, September last year, this January I have missed my period. For a moment I was scared about what he will say. My friends said it was a grivious offense... But then I told him , and to God be the glory he said nothing, because he is a gynecologist. He was just like when did you remove it. I just told him, he was like "u" he took it calmly. And did pregnancy test for me. Long and short of it is that I think he actually wanted a child but because of economy situation he has been having cold feet. I know in his mind he is very happy.

      Delete
  11. Wetin concern my hubby with market, I buy his clothes too, his own is to drop the money. Marriage na wah

    ReplyDelete
  12. hahahahaha anon 14:09 abeg no make me laugh too much

    ReplyDelete
  13. Some men never change, take it as u see it, adjust as possible to keep the peace in your home,I know what I'm saying, otherwise you end up like my parents(cat & dog things,with hatred & unforgiviness the order of the day,,& your children will never forgive you both for putting them in such situation).It is your cross nne

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hmmm..my husband can't even go to the market with me...and don't ever be a house wife,no matter how small earn something..

    ReplyDelete
  15. I pictured the scene in my head and laughed. Its kind of funny. Well I think you should have left one of his choices among the choice of cloths so he can feel like daddy buying child something at least it will make him happy small.
    Na this small thing make him dey vex o. Kai men are sha babies sometimes. Its is well with you and you hubby.
    It will get better eventually and you guys will be better at making choices that you will both be happy with. Little compromises from you both. You both are learning.

    Though I don't know how some men prefer to be making the payment instead of giving the woman the money to go and pay. Abeg that is her department na. That you he needs to work.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anon 14:25, You well so? How this your rant take relate to the issue up there?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anon 14:25, You well so? How this your rant take relate to the issue up there?

    ReplyDelete
  18. No much issue here o. Allow him pay until you start making your own money. That way, you avoid much problems...

    ReplyDelete
  19. My dear it is well,I understand how you feel,just appreciate whatever he buys,tell him how beautiful it is,for peace sake,I know it is not easy,but it is only for a short time.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Shows that nothing is petty when you intend to communicate and have a happy home.....kikikik
    Please discard the thought of "when I have my money this thing go change". Tackle whatever you don't like now before the change start coming in,it might get worse.what if he says shebi na u wan buy am?na only u go pay....u will end up paying for everything the house needs that he is not in support of and that will put a strain to your relationship!!!
    U need to talk about it again till u both feel good.I'm here lafin at myself cos I'm upset after brushing by Hubby's office today and the first thing he noticed was my sneaker that is fading,no compliments o,just whispered to me 'sneaker yii tii tired nowhnn'.OK o,no vex o but he still called on my way home to say'bata yen ti baje nowhn......lol!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmao. This cracked me up so much. Your hubby na better man jare,stop falling his hand. Lol.
      I concur with all you said.

      Delete
    2. Hahahahahahaha your husband is something else. Eyin na e change sneakers yen

      Delete
  21. I’m just wondering how much fuel or transport money you guys spent going to Balogun to buy sandals and socks worth 1500.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anony 16:50 you r so wicked lmao

      Delete
  22. Hahaha that is how my own also follows me everywhere. Imagine a bank manager skipping work just to take us to the clinic,or shopping for the kids,my hand no dey touch em money. If i complain he'll say I'm very ungrateful that its his kind of man other women are praying for,that he's doing it cos he doesn't want to stress me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You should be grateful. Your husband leave work to take you to the clinic and you complain?women got issues.smh

      Delete
  23. Lmao. Calm down and enjoy the affection and attention he's giving you o jare. Hian

    ReplyDelete
  24. Mtchewwww,what is the issue here now?since I got married I have never gone to the market for once my husband does all the shopping himself,the only shopping I went with him was baby shopping and it's because it's our first baby that's the reason I went with him because I wanted him to know how baby things are sold but subsequently he would be the one to go and mind you I am not jobless o,i work with the federal government,so that your lame excuse of its because I don't have a job he is doing that is plain rubbish.Gice him list to go to the market and save your self the stress aaaaah,i can't imagine myself going to the market all the time,i hate going to the market jeeeez!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anon 18:57
    The issue is not about him going to the market alone but the implication which is she will not have any money to herself. If he gives her money, she will manage and have little change for her personal stuff especially as she is not working and she is not placed on any allowance by him. You are working so you won't feel the empty pocket.
    My own hubby also buys things for me in the market and we go shopping together sometimes. Most times, he calculates the money and the list of things needed and give to me and most times, I don't have any change left after buying. Mind you, we both work and join our money together. Each person knows when money enters the other person's account. So I don't spend money without him knowing what I did with it, likewise him too. But we know women have many needs that the husband may not agree with like a new wig, a new set of jewellries, a relative needs money, etc. What I do when I need money like that, I don't tell him when some certain cash enters from my side. I hid it from him and use it for whatever I need it for. I cannot come and die because of marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I learnt something from my husband. We have had sort of this issue but money was not the problem. He said when I don't allow him pick some stuff, it makes him feel like I don't trust his judgement and I want only my way or the highway. That he starts second guessing me and doubting his abilities. It seemed over the top over something I considered trivial but it spoke to his ego.

    So, I have learnt to stoop to conquer. If we happen to shop together which is not often, I let him pick some stuff and then I pick others. I also ensure my boys wear them proudly.

    Since then, peace. Whenever our kids wear stuff he bought, he will start announcing it and me too will be praising him that he has excellent taste. Children are clothed and peace reigns.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you, Anon. I was just scrolling down to see if someone wil go in this direction. Men and their ego is like 5&6. Sometimes you gotta give in just to make them feel good.

      One of the first things you do in marriage is to study your spouse. So you are telling me you dropped all his options and did not think no anything of it? If he did that to you, how would you feel?

      And yes, even if you had your own money , you would still have this kind of problem. I can’t type plenty jare Wisdom is profitable to direct.

      Delete
  27. In marriage your money is his money and his money is your money. There is no my money. It is OUR MONEY.
    This is for believers, who are operating their marriage with Christ as the foundation and cornerstone. Understand this!

    When I started to think this way the financial standard of my family upgraded. I’m yet to start work again ( so currently a stay at home mom) but I can tell you that my husband can vouch that his finances upgraded since I changed my mindset and started thinking this way. He’s been the sole provider for the family, while I am the domestic engineer, accountant and chief planner/organizer of the family finances and decisions.

    I became the accountant of the house. And in one year of having barely $1000, we now have multiple of thousands.


    Your husband seems to be a kind man, forget that he was upset about what happened. You need to sit him down and talk about your finances.
    Start a savings and expenses spreadsheet for your family, where you record all your expenses( grocery shopping, cloth shopping, rent, electricity bill, phone bills, etc) and savings for the month. Take on this role, since you’re a housewife. Your husband will love you more and thank you at the end of the year when he sees how your family finances has improved.

    ReplyDelete
  28. my husband does the shopping, it's a cultural thing kind of in the north. I appreciate it when we go together. If I want money, I ask for it! Please poster, calm down. I think you should apologize to him, cradle his head and pet him. marriage is about compromise. All the same Mommy knows best, no nylon clothing for baby!

    ReplyDelete
  29. When we had our first child, we had no ride then. . . . Whenever my hubby and I are going out and I sight lovely things for our baby I will point to the place picked, hubby will pay. After like 3rd times hubby started avoiding we going out together, even if he does once he noticed that I have sighted something and am about to point to that direction, he will quickly bring his phone to receive a ghost call and will be shouting on the phone, I will jejely walk past.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hello Madam. I hope my comment is not late. What I can deduce from your post is that your husband is a 'good' man but he has issues you don't like. Many other people are facing what you are facing however maybe in different perspectives. I would like to recommend a book for you to read and maybe it would help and you experience joy. The title is Love and Respect by Dr. Eggerich. I have the soft copy and can send to you if you want.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Mine is that my husband thinks, I don't deserve explanation in anything he does. If I asked, he goes" "its none of your business" and it makes very sad. Please I need advice!!

    ReplyDelete

Disclaimer: Comments And Opinions On Any Part Of This Website Are Opinions Of The Blog Commenters Or Anonymous Persons And They Do Not Represent The Opinion Of StellaDimokoKorkus.com

Pictures and culled stories posted on this site are given credit and if a story is yours but credited to the wrong source,Please contact Stelladimokokorkus.com and corrections will be made..

If you have a complaint or a story,Please Contact StellaDimokoKorkus.com Via

Sdimokokorkus@gmail.com
Mobile Phone +4915210329280