Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Mama Tee Series -Reaching Out.

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Friday, March 02, 2018

Mama Tee Series -Reaching Out.

It took a lot of strength for me to put this together.






In my last series I talked about having two good friends in secondary school and one of them relocated. I also said we lost contact because there was no means of communication.


Let's call her Demi.

I and Demi were very close as young girls, she was the quiet, nice and peaceful type. I wasn't quiet, I wouldn't say I was peaceful either back then but we got along quite well. We were both known and loved in both families, we were like sisters. Even my other friend was jealous of our closeness. Then, her family relocated and we lost contact. No mobile phones, just a few land phones in those days which we didn't have.


Years passed, her thoughts would cross my mind occasionally. I would be down any day I bumped on the picture we took together. I missed her but I moved on with my life. I was still friends with this other girl and we talked about her sometimes.

After over a decade, I was on a visit to my family in the city where I grew up and I saw a mutual friend. This friend told me she saw Demi's sister at a programme in another state and that Demi got married, had kids and then lost her husband. She also gave me Demi's phone number.
I was in a bad shape when I got home. 'Why did God allow her to become a widow at such a young age? She was too peaceful and kind to pass through that. Oh poor Demi!' I cried.

I got home and told my folks about Demi amidst tears. They urged me to call her when I'm fine which I did.
I can't forget how we both cried on the phone for several minutes. Hmmmm

She told me where she lived and worked in a neighbouring state and I promised to visit.

Sadly, my family and some other people I told advised that I don't go visiting her, they told me point blank to stay away from her and limit our contact to phone alone.

Some of the reasons being given were that:

1: Over ten years had passed and she may not be the Demi I knew back then anymore. people change.

2: I don't know the truth about the circumstances surrounding her husband's death.

3: Her in-laws may be at war with her and seeing me on a visit, they may think I came to fight for her and thereby start attacking me. Hian!
There are so many other reasons given to me by both my family and in-laws on why I should stay away.

Our other friend too wanted to visit her, she had made all preparations to go when her husband stopped her from going. Some of the reasons given to me were the ones he gave her too.

It's been over two years since we reconnected, I have not set my eyes on her asides her Whatsapp profile picture and it breaks my heart when I see her deep sad eyes on my phone.
I wanted to sit with her and ask her how her husband died as I couldn't ask her over the phone, I thought it wasn't proper, now I wish I did back then, I'm just curious. Should I ask? Is it too late?

I wanted to ask how life had treated her all the years we were apart, listen to her fears, pains and dreams. I don't know how to do it now. I can't even encourage her to come visit me, it's sad. I feel like I'm a terrible person. I'm confused.


Mama Tee



*Why reach out half hearted?your kind words may be all she needs to get by....if you are scared to visit her,a call whenever it is possible is also OK.

51 comments:

  1. If you can't visit her chat her up, call her. Since your mind is calling to hers you guys need to talk. It is well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks all.
      We do talk on phone and also chat on WhatsApp. Just pleasantries and greetings on special occasions. We don't go deep like the things I wrote up there.

      Delete
    2. Please visit her at least once. Find out how her husband both from her side and a third party. That will tell you how to proceed with the friendship. WE should not judge people without knowing the full picture. I am worried for our culture. This life is not fair.

      Delete
  2. See how una use native okuko sense take follow matters.

    If you cared so much, why did you not pray when they told you all these so that you can be rest assured.

    Anyway i pray your friend is ok and will move on with her life.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Very strange and stupid reasons for one not to reach out to a person she called a friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous, we do talk on the phone

      Delete
  4. When people give me advise not to do something, what I always ask myself before taking any decision is "what if I am the one in her shoes and everybody keep their distance, will I survive it"? Once you can answer the question, you will do the right thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank u o. She be like woman wey go leave all her single friends when she don marry cos of fear say they go snatch her husband or they will be jealous she is married. Nonsense.

      Delete
  5. If you are so scared of visiting her in her house , call her and ask her to join you in an eatery, mall or recreational centre - hang out - to catch up on old times. Engage the children with games or food and talk like a sis with her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry advice.
      English is too hard. Lol

      Delete
  6. What kind of unsympathetic friends and family do you have? A supposed close friend has fallen on difficult times and you cannot go and visit her even when you have the means because bla bla bla. I pray we never pass through difficult situations because your type will desert us. You did not think of lodging in an affordable hotel, meeting her in a public place and seeing things for yourself before knowing the next step to take, it is to come and pay lip-service condolence. Please wipe your tears and leave the woman to live. Wherever you are Demi, may God send you genuine help in your time of need.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The thing taya me, I dey vex sef

      Delete
    2. Lol, easy anon
      We talk on phone from time to time. It's the visiting part that we have not done

      Delete
    3. I tire oo. The story got me mad.
      She doesn't need your half hearted friendship madam. Keep it moving.

      Delete
  7. The reason stated above don’t make senses to me. She was close to you and for old time sake you should visit her. If your husband is against it, convince him because what happened to her might happen to anyone.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This are not enough reasons for not visiting her if u really want to...u don't know yet if all these are true why not find out.
    U just concluded on her like that.. Hmmmm not fair

    ReplyDelete
  9. hmm na wa! Thank God 'friends' like you are no longer in my life. A similar situation happened to me 20 years ago. Only it was my children who died. All the so called friends, husband/husband's family I helped so much who event ate my salt and oil deserted me. I was called all sorts of names from witch to bad luck. Well, well, today GOD himself has vindicated me and lifted me up with no help from NOBODY. Madam, please keep to yourself and watch God fight for her and lift her up. Please stay away. Is it a sin to be a widow?? You don't know tomorrow. All the people who ran away from me have now divorced or an in such abusive marriages, they have no mouth to tell anyone. A few of them have come back to beg but thank Jesus I have moved on beyond what they think could ever happen. I wish I could reach out to the widowed lady. She needs genuine support from people who will stand by her no matter what. Not people who with fake pity who will be carrying her gist around. Mcheeeew!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahaha anon please dont get annoyed with her. She had carried the burden too much that is why she had to offload it.

      Please sorry for our Mama Tee. You can tell Mama Tee to give you the lady's contact and send your help to her

      Delete
    2. Thank you Yori yori. The burden is heavy on me. We talk on phone and chat from time to time but we don't discuss her husband and other deep issues.

      Delete
    3. Mama Tee thanks too. I would advise you find a way to meet with her and talk more. Talking on phone with her wont help at all. What I think is that she needs someone that will talk to her face to face. Please look for a way to meet with her. Thanks

      Delete
    4. I am the anon who made that comment and if you send your friend's details to Stella with her permission, I will most certainly help. Misfortune knows no boundaries and can befall anyone

      Delete
  10. Hmmm, African mentality.
    I pray God comforts her and send her help.
    Can't you visit her secretly without your husband or in laws knowing? Anyway, you can call her frequently on the phone and chat with her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We talk on the phone. What I don't know is if it's OK to discuss her husband and other deep issues with her on phone

      Delete
  11. We are too sentimental and attach meanings to so many things here in africa. For God sake what is wrong in reconnecting with a friend who is going through difficult times such as the loss of a spouse the happy memories from childhood would probably have helped her to heal faster but if the situation was something good such as the friend or spouse winning public office all these same family would have encouraged you to reconnect for benefits that might come from the relationship. You should have put yourself in her shoes and convinced your husband allow you visit because as far as am concerned his input is the only one you need in this matter. It is not too late you can still reach out to her and just by phone am sure she will appreciate it greatly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. We talk on the phone and also chat. We even exchange new month greetings yesterday.

      Delete
    2. madam keep quite and stop making excuses of talking on the phone. She lost her husband, there is no evidence that she killed the man yet u a running away from her as if she has leprosy. I am sure nobody ever died in your family and left behind a widow. What any widow need is love and care not fake friend or fake pity

      Delete
  12. You should visit her if you need to learn the truth...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Mama Tee sorry I'm the anon wey de vex up there, pls do keep us posted on this story.

    #istillloveyoseries

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No problem dear. I understand. You thought I don't communicate with her.

      I will update you all when I eventually meet her one on one. I will start planning on how to do so without telling any of those who object it. She visits Lagos. I will arrange to see her secretly when next she visits.

      Delete
    2. Ok good, a visit is much better than talking on phone.

      Delete
  14. Those reasons are not enough to stay away. A simple visit to a widow and all these are likely to happen? Pray tell, will those her in-laws be sitting at her gate to monitor who visits her or not? Hian! Please visit her o and try your best to cheer her up. If it was a govt appointment she got now, na these same ur hubby and inlaws go dey disturb you to reconnect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't mind them. Hubby go even want her to stay with them hahhahaha

      Delete
    2. My dear, she lives in another state. I will have to tell them where I am travelling to. Not to worry though, I will secretly fix a meeting with her when next she visits Lagos. We will meet outside my home.

      Delete
  15. I don't know why everybody is castigating her now, she just wanted to ease the burden on her by writing about it and everyone started blaming her, we all aren't perfect at all and there are certain things we don't get to know on time that other people had to advise us on it. Mama tee I love your series, just find time to see her and tell your husband as well. If you are in the same vicinity ,its even better. God help you

    ReplyDelete
  16. Since you both talk on phone, it is Ok but Try and see her physically and talk very well. Not everything can be discussed on phone. I understand you want to be an obedient wife and in-law, but not everything they say that we should obey. We have to be wise as women.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Please take it easy people.
    She wants our advice and opinions that is why she shared this story. She feels bad that they only talk on phone and she has not visited her or allow the friend to visit because of what her family said and she wants our input on the matter. I see some good advice though.

    One love people

    ReplyDelete
  18. You are not a friend. Wallow in your guilt.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Mama Tee you have shot yourself in the head with this gist. You've exposed your true character. Sorry o

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abeg you all should let us hear word. How did she shot herself in the head? For sharing what is disturbing her? Did she harm her friend in any way?
      So many hypocrites on this blog jeez.. Are you people not the ones on anonymous post telling us about how you killed your friends and used menstrual blood to cook for your horsebands? Bloody hypocrites. Later you this anon will still go anon and tell us how you f#cked your ex and have his baby for your horseband.
      On this blog, I watch you all queue under Mrs R's comments especially after she did giveaway in 2016, if she say good morning.. like twenty bvs will reply her. Since she shared her divorce story on ihn.. no one reply her again. Sometime one or two people. Wicked people

      Delete
    2. E pain you anon? Birds of the same further

      Delete
  20. You don’t need to go to her town to visit, just reach out and connect more often,ask how she is coping, how are the kids if she has any, what are they up to etc and be genuinely interested surprise her and send somthing to the kids.remember their names, school etc , you are not a bad person

    ReplyDelete
  21. Times have really changed. There was a tie it was expected that you visit someone who is bereaved. All these reasons they gave you is really astonishing. If her in-laws are fighting her, won't that be the more reason to visit to show them that she also has 'connections'? Well what do I know? Do whatever let's you sleep at night

    ReplyDelete

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