STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARITAL ISH
Good day Stella.
I had to reach out to you on this please post if you can.
I'm at my wits end as I write this. The man I married has turned out to be the most wicked man on earth.
This is the fourth year of my marriage and this man has hit me five times and he's not sorry about it. The last one happened about two months ago over something so trivial. He refused to apologize, expecting me to do so, just because he knows I've got no choice because he's the sole benefactor of the family.
I've refused to apologize, and he has hardened his heart towards me. For the past months, he bluntly refused to give me money to run the house. He only buys what the kids eats. I've used up my little savings in feeding myself, hoping he would change his mind.
This is someone who wanted me to stay at home and look after the kids. Now I'm a nobody in his eyes.
I've made up my mind not to beg him. I've done that too much and he'd taken me for granted.
I've been feeding on my kids food for the past days. Yesterday was worse. Had to starve all day. I don't know what to do anymore. If only I had my own source of income. But alas! Here I am, at the mercy of someone who got no love for me.
My eyes are tearing up. I can't...
*What exactly happened?na wah oh.....
why does it get so bad in a home with both parents doing power tussle?Do you have a plan B?If not please apologise and start planning before you die of hunger!
I will advise you to apologise even if it is not from your heart.and try and find something doing. It is well.
ReplyDeleteYou both are probably not having intercourse
DeleteAnd of course probably the man is having is somewhere else
I did not read about a marriage here; but co-habitation
Once you are not together financially, you are both living separate
lives. For where a person's wealth is, there the person's heart is also.
You have to have a source of income to contribute to the family welfare
That might generate more beatings from your narration
And know also that if you think of separation even legally, you are probably
not going to get those kids.
Lol @ apologize before u die of hunger.
DeleteUr husband no get wetin u fit sell?
I don't get it. How do you stay at home throughout the day when you know he will not give you money for food. Go out and look for a job now matter how little income you will get at least it will feed you
DeleteFeeding on kids food.i don't understand that,Please does he count the grains or tubers he buy for the kids and brings it out for you to cook for the kids after which he will share it by himself.i just need to understand it. when I hear people say he buys kids food and not mine.how una dey differentiated am.i have a friend that told me her hubby buys every thing she uses to cook because he didn't want her to steal his money.i told her then learn how to be wasteful, any where she is supposed to use a portion of fish ,she should use like 4 so that by the time he checks his expenses on food stuff he will stylishly start giving her money to buy them.nonsense.if you will go to market to buy ,you can aswell cook the meal and serve me.
DeletePoster no vex, your parents sell you to this man? Me I dont understand why women will be treated anyhow in their horsebands house? Because if your parents collect heavy dowry on ya head, oyo is your name ooo. You go bear the beating the more. Better tell him sorry so that he can change his mind. I wonder where una get these type of horsebands from?
ReplyDeleteNa wa ooo.
A good man is always a good man. There are full time housewives who are getting the best of their husband and marriage. In these days we are in, for families that can afford it, a parent should be at home to take care of the children, especially growing up stage. That on it's own if it were to be a paid job, I don't know how many people can afford it fulltime.
DeleteI just want to encourage someone here reading that all marriages are not bad news.
I am a stay at home mom (which is so much work), I worked for a few years after marriage, when the kids came in , I decided to stop work.
My husband appreciates what I'm doing, and pays me better than the last salary I received while working.
I've used my free time to acquire more degrees, and some small change work, I can comfortably do from home and at my own pace.
God help us all.
Nne beg. You are at his mercy. You dont have a choice. Until then start planning
ReplyDeleteBetter apologise n use your number four live with this man.
ReplyDeleteuna know dey cook for house? please do not apologize, stand for your right, hungry no dey kill person..
DeleteI was in a similar situation due to my immigration status.. . I learnt to be a dunce, saying sorry just to have peace at home with my kids... Now everything is okay, hes showing love but i dont care again
DeleteIt's really so sad how some men prefer to dumb women down, then expect the best from them. Sad indeed.
DeleteMadam, I have a school of thought that anything to ensure my peace of mind I would do it. Playing apologize to him, at least so u can eat.
ReplyDeleteYou have no excuse not to have something doing. Anything can easily turn to cash esp in Lagos. Madam hustle for you and your children.
Invite God into your marriage and hope for the best.
What if her husband told her not to do anything atall? I have a friend who is a full time housewife, any attempt for her to look for work her husband will stop her, in this case what can she do? She has no choice than to listen to her husband so there would be peace at home.
Delete@Pat she has a choice and the choice would be to change that F**KING mentality of his. Man, not robot!
DeleteBut wait.... she's too scared to offend the head of the house (HOH🤣). So she will tell you she can't do anything and stay comfortably powerless.
I typed something before but it wiped off.
DeleteNne, every woman should have something doing. It mustn't be a white collar job, some men don't like it for reasons ranging from lack of home care down to insecurities, so as a woman, you should know how to cajole and massage your hubby ego for him to do your bidding so far it's good. I for one, I am a career woman and I also sew clothes for my self and my family and I learnt all ONLINE. You phone internet shouldn't be for browsing blogs and social media alone dear. Learn a trade online. If you like cooking or baking, learn them online, like chops, chips, puff, sausage rolls etc, package them and sell in schools like your child's school. Finish sale before your children return from school, keep your home front intact and you've made your money. Before this, commit it to God in prayer cos he holds the heart of your husband and watch things go in your favor. Cheers and playing carry your hubby along on your plans
@ poster this your chronicle is incomplete.
ReplyDeleteWhat happened??
God fix it for you.
Na wa ooo. This your hubby is alpha male i suppose. I was pissed reading this, really sad how some women are being treated in their homes by that man who claims to love them more than life itself. If you dont have a plan B, apologose before hunger will kill you but try to have a plan B. It is well with you dear
ReplyDeleteOga o.. It is well with you poster! Atleast no matter what d quarrel is all about.. He shudnt make u starve na abi Whc kind vex be dat one! Report him to his family Pls b4 u av ulcer!
ReplyDeleteHahahhah....Stella's comment gat me rolling on the floor...
ReplyDeleteDear poster, you have known what he's capable of doing. Please apologise to him, look for his mumu button and apply it on him just to get what you want which is to be empowered financially.
ReplyDeleteAlso, try and get a job or business to do to avoid depending on him totally.
Madam,I feel u should just apologize since like u said he is the sole benefactor of your home,once u guys are lovey dove again begin to think of setting up something for yourself as a back up plan in case u find yourself in this situation again.......
ReplyDeleteDear poster, so sorry for what you are passing through. May God heal your home.
ReplyDeleteHahahahahha iya boys, @ poster biko beg your horseband make hunger no make you look old oo, that is why is good for a woman to be doing some thing o no matter how small it is..
ReplyDeleteMost cases of "I am tired of this marriage" and "what should i do", if you trace it, you will find a full time housewife at the end of the story. What I have noticed is that it helps to have your own money before you settle down as a woman. It is not a guarantee but it will make things easier. Even if this woman was working, her husband is the type that will burn her certificates and work documents to spite her. There are full time housewives who are well taken care of by loving husbands. My point is that a bad man is a bad man and this your husband is a bad man. My advice to you is to go and beg him. Kneel down and beg him like a god. Then start plotting your escape when things return to normal. Find a job. Even if it is selling akara in a junction or plating hair for school children. You should be doing as if business is bad while you save money. Broaden your network and connect with lawyers/ influencial people that can help you. This is not the time for social isolation. If you're the type that used to keep to yourself, now is the time to change. Please no more children, close your legs. Alternatively, If injuries inflicted on you when he beats you, are extensive, you will have to go back to your parents house in the village while you build yourself up for custody. Leave your children. You can always come back for them, IF YOU'RE ALIVE. And you may need to leave them with him if you want to remain alive.
ReplyDeleteApologize and start planning your exit. Try as much as possiple not to upset him and do everything to maintain peace at home while you save and prepare to run away with your kids. I wonder how you guys get married to these monsters. Don't you date them before or when you see that they have changed why do you get pregnant for them? I'm tired of chronicles from ladies with no sense😡
ReplyDeleteYou are telling her to run away with the kids to where? She is not doing anything and you came up with that. Na wa.
DeleteHow much will she save that will be enough for her and the kids in this present situation.
It is well
Don't forget people hide their true colours only to show it when they know there's nothing you as their spouse can do about it.
DeleteDon't forget people hide their true colours only to show it when they know there's nothing you as their spouse can do about it.
DeleteExactly lady stainless
DeleteStella most men are arrogant. I have a family friend like this ooo.is not up to a year they got married!! Few days after they did white wedding, the man started dragging cake they use for the wedding that he want to carry it to his friends. Then the wife said at least share it half. Omo na there slap follow oo. The guy never even let famies go finish. Na so them come arrest the man later becos e boro moni do marrage. The wife bailed him and she is the one paying the gbese. Stella since that day this man refuse do anytin, e no go work nor trade. He stay at home all day playing video game. Goes to the kitchen and eat. The other day he saw the wife going to buy pad. He was like so u never get belle, as if she be God. Since that day. For months now the man don't talk to her. He does not want to do anytin. All he does is sleep nd play games. This is marriage that is not up to a year oo. Men these days are lazy. Arrogant. They think they are doing the lady any favour. Madam u better go look for work or do small trade if not hunger go finish u. Is only a foolish man that will harden his heart and starve the mother of his children. The day u start doing things for yourself. Respect go dey. The good!! wey woman they do for man be like when u rub vasline for leg, by the time u go front, dust go cover am. If u want to die over a man, many men go March pass your grave. So be wise.
ReplyDeleteHmm mm word#😘
DeleteMadam you marry a monster. Period!!😂😂
DeleteYour friend needs to divorce that man. Imagine what her life will be like if he got her pregnant. She needs to thank God no baby has been formed and leave that marriage, she paying for it do she is not obligated to stay. I hope she receives sense.
DeletePlease, what is your family friend still doing in that marriage?
DeleteCan't you advice her to leave that beast man ?
She should get pregnant so she can be feeding him and his child.
Gush! I hate beastly men.
Poster, pls follow Stella's advise. Begging will not kill o. But hungry will.
ReplyDelete*hunger*
DeleteMy dear this generation of men are not it at all. Imagine this morning I was pained!! I will go out. Chat him up, till late night my bf won't ask were I am!! Have I gotten home??? The next day I will be the first to say hello. Today I para. I told him is that how relationship is run??? He was like sorry dear!!! Am tired of sorry sorry. The reply he gave was!! If am tired I should quit!!. Hahaha someone hv gone hell with. If u love someone is intoxicating, u love. Care nd want to know how the person feel. I Don lock up. I don't wanna push anymore, if he love me fine but for me to they jump follow am!! Not again!! So ma. My advise is biko. Look for something to do and stop waiting for him to come feed u nd your kids. Try loOK for work to help yourself.some men are not it biko.
ReplyDeleteChai 🙄🙄
DeleteYour boyfriend told you to quit if your are tired. You are still talkiing about locking up, I just pity you.
DeleteYou need to leave than man and move on. This boyfriend of yours probably desires another and that is why he forgets you exist.
DeleteGood girl, dont let no nigga treat ya like ya dont matter.👊
DeleteI have a friend in a 14yrs marriage like this! She no dey work but her children are geniuses, very respectful and focused. She train them so tay you go wan steal them from am sef! But her husband is a monster. He disregards her in front of his siblings and even the children, once he is angry with her except she apologises he can keep malice for up to a year (I kid you not). Never buys anything for her but she manages from what he gives her. He also doesn’t want her to work as no one is allowed to touch his kids except her, no house maid or extended family is allowed to come and help! She is very educated and beautiful but is now a shadow of her former self! Her children are the only joy she derived in the union. She is planning her escape now as she can’t see him changing,
DeleteYou have been dumped long ago.
DeleteMarriages of today Nawa o! The foundation of the marriage will reveal the whole truth. This story it's incomplete. Food it's your least problem. What about the violence.
ReplyDeleteApologize and get something doing, no matter how little it is. Your own na your own o
ReplyDeleteApologize and get something doing, no matter how little it is. Your own na your own o
ReplyDeleteI think you should apologize to him and avoid whatever is it that made him always beat you. Every man has a weakness and as a woman try to understand that and take caution on that. He is your husbsnd, pls go back to him if possible become romantic to him and take him to the other room, give him special treatment there and while on it bring up the issue and see him feel sorry for his actions. Maybe there is something you aren't getting right, for your story isn't complete but don't contemplate the idea of running away if not for anything for the sake of the children. If peradventure things get worse, get both parents involve.
ReplyDeleteI repeat... LADIES, Whenever a man tells you to become a full housewife/ quit your job bla bla, and look after his kids. You can bet he has issues that run deeper than the Nile- either stemming from insecurity, fear or what not. Some will conceal the yeyeness with a facade of opening tailoring shop for u. I'm not belittling the art of dressmaking. I'm just saying "Misturhh lemme make the decision by and for myself"- that I'm gonna leave my 9-4 and become a whatever" I'm so sorry ure going thru this Poster. Indeed Adichie said Marriage in the third world can be very dangerous for women. It is what it is!
ReplyDeleteAnd these same “married” women will come and insult single girls that live 💯 times better than them🤪😂😂. Feed yourself with Mrs. na. Get something doing, don’t beg him if not it will be an unending circle till he slaps the life out of you finally. Don’t have anymore children for him and focus on getting your life together, I reiterate, get something to do no matter how small. Goodluck.
ReplyDeleteThis marriage seem like a weird parent child relationship. When we speak on this blog about a woman earning money you think we are saying this because we are feminist. Money is power and freedom and to have none leaves you powerless and in bondage. If you do not want to apologize then go to a woman focused charity or Ngo and speak to a counselor there, they will help you. Look into skills training if you are uneducated, if you have a degree make sure you are up to date in your field and pursue a career there if you desire. You need help. Speak to your mother or a loving aunt and let them know what you are passing through, never keep abuse to yourself, always make sure someone else knows so if there is any harmful thing that needs legal intervention there is a record. Please do not tell him anything you are doing, sometimes in anger women will blurt out things you must keep your plans and decisions to yourself.
ReplyDeleteA marriage is not a parent child relationship, it is a relationship of equals. Your marriage is even worst because most parents would not let their children starve even if they were rude to them. Most pet owners would not even starve their pets, even if they wrecked their best shoes and chewed up the furniture. Please go seek a better future for you and your children. Also, please ensure that you do not get pregnant again under any circumstances for this man.
Better you beg him for peace sake
ReplyDeletePlease apologized and save your life for the sake of the children. Try and find something doing and look foe plan B
ReplyDeleteSister we do not die in marriages anymore. We use our full sense. You are not helpless neither did they born you and this man together. You should never accept maltreatment. You run his household so you have earned upkeep. As an adult and a capable one, you should never depend on a man for sustenance. Now that all that is settled, go and beg that monster for forgiveness and get your thinking cap on!
ReplyDeleteYou need to start acting wisely. While he goes to work and the children are at school, find something to do. Can you make hair? Whatever it is...find. Women like you will never leave their abusive husbands as you feel marriage is the key to heaven so we will not ask you to leave. Instead, please madam...go and get something to do and NO MORE CHILDREN PLEASE. Enter the hospital and tie your womb immediately. A woman should only have as many children as she can cater for by herself. This is the rule of thumb for every African woman. If you end up pregnant again you will have yourself to blame.
When he has forgiven you, go and learn something and do it. If he gets angry, call in family and ask them to impress on him to allow you work. If not you will die in his hands and it will be all your fault.
If you do decide to look upon yourself as the human being that you are...plot and leave that beast. You are not in a marriage ordained by God.
This is so sad.. I'll advice you just apologize to bring back peace to your home... Try and look for something to do, look good and happy ignore him totally when he sees you don't have his time anymore if really loves you he'll come back humble.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't look like you have option (s), so apologize and plan your life, get something doing madam.
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle just reminded me of one neighbor i had then in owerri,Mr k fit starve the wife for days,refuse giving her money for pad,even getting pampers for dem kid then.Na so she gO dey knock knock my door to beg.
ReplyDeleteMadam,go findsomthing ,if not,expect the worst.All this newly married jobless housewives,una dey one chance,if una see single hustling babes make una respect them,cus the hustle is real.
Please, render your apologies to him. But, don't hesitate to start working.
ReplyDeleteWoman apologise to him and start planning ur life, God knows i cant depend on a man for my day to day spending. Thats why i work hard so no man can treat me like trash. There is nothing as sweet as being financially independent in a marraige with an alpha male.
ReplyDeleteFULL TIME HOUSEWIFE..... As you see me so, I can't do it. Even if it's to have a shop down the road, an online order and delivery business, catering, virtual writing, i will do ANYTHING to not let my skills go to waste. How does one seat at home and not feel useless to oneself? It's a gift oh! Cos me I don't have that calling. Any man who demands that from me just wants to kill me fast.
ReplyDeleteQuarrel aside- it's not every cloth or pair of shoes that I want that will be my husband's priority at the said time. It's not every thing I want to do for my kids thst he will see as necessary. It's not every trip I have to make that will be pertinent to him. My extended family nko? I like to assist them so Will I now put their demands on my husband? If any man tries that I tell you NO from the onset. And i will tell my parents to beg his family in advance make their son no change am oh for peace to reign. Yes a woman may not do 9-5 But, she can still find a way to make some cash in ways that won't affect her wifely duties. There are people whose husbands have had their business affected by recession and are now suffering too cos of such decisions. Then if one is not fortunate to have a supportive man, like this your own. No be wahala be that?
'Be a housewife' you too to answer 'yes I will', with no plan B. Better apologize to him and work out a plan, before you starve to illness. Dont come and be forming voltron. This is a time to think of ways to avoid such again, and not flex muscles. THINK.
P.S Housewives association of SDK, please dont come and preach to me how you are housewives and your husbands are wonderful. Like i said: I CAN'T DO IT. I speak for myself.
Sometimes u need to bring an enemy closer to u and appear vulnerable in order to deal with them. Apologize to him, have a game plan, job is the key! It will give you that power you need. Then invest in your look! Dress smart. Put him on his toes by discussing successful and smarter guys at your office with him. This will trample on his self esteem. You will have control over his psyche. Relationship between a man and a woman is a game (even marriage). Wise up madam. FYI, I am a married man.
ReplyDelete👍👍
DeleteTufiakwa.i cant advice cos i aint married but i will never give any one yhe opportunity to treat me this way.NEVER
ReplyDeleteWoman apologise to him and start planning ur life, God knows i cant depend on a man for my day to day spending. Thats why i work hard so no man can treat me like trash. There is nothing as sweet as being financially independent in a marraige with an alpha male.
ReplyDeleteMost of the comments aren't addressing the DV. Please poster, if you know you're not safe, take a break. Go to his parents' or yours. Unless you are telling us you have nobody, please leave that house for at least a week. I don't know about apologising to someone that hit you but don't you buy things in bulk? Your kids must be really young but aren't you feeding them solids yet? Please explain cos we really don't understand some of what you wrote
ReplyDeletePoster......I'm talking to you as a fellow woman. Apologise to him but make up your mind this is going to be the last time you will apologise to him.
ReplyDeleteImmediately he start giving you housekeep allowance again start saving massively, and then when the school resume find a teaching job to be able to have friends and people you can relate with.....
Why I said teaching job is because teaching will allow you have time for your kids after school.....you will be fine dear.....just show him that you can take care of yourself
Please apologize for now so you don't starve to death. then have a plan b..And when you talked about him buying kids food,is it fast food or he buys food stuffs and prepare it himself?. I Don't know why you can't have access to their food.
ReplyDelete