Hmmmm......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CAUGHT IN A DILEMMA
Good day,
I need your advice and advice from fellow BVs.
I am from Anambra state and currently in a relationship with someone from Edo state (esan central).
I am from Anambra state and currently in a relationship with someone from Edo state (esan central).
My parents have just two children (me and my sister). My dad is late.
I told my sister about the relationship and she told me pointblank that she is not in support of it. I tried convincing her but she stood her ground. Now I don't know how to tell my mom cos i Thought my sister will support me.
I told my girlfriend about it yesterday and offered to break up with her, to my surprise she started crying and couldn't control her tears anymore, she begged me not to leave her. She has been sending me messages on whatsapp telling me to try convincing my people...
I must confess we both Love each other even though we quarrel once in a while.
i Am in a big dilemma, please i need your advice here and help me ask my fellow bvs if they have passed through things like this and how they overcame it.
Please Stella i need your red pen.
*You didnt tell us why your sister refused to give you support to Marry the Edo babe.I think it is becos Edo babes are generally termed as troublesome and very wicked...Infact they make very good girlfriends but everyone develops cold feet when its time to wife them..This isnt fair.
I have a guy from Eastern Nigeria who dated an Edo girl for long and gave these excuses when it was time to wife her.......She began cussing him when he told her and then he said to her ''One of the reasons i was told not to Marry anyone from your side is that they cuss a lot,you just proved them right''
I think you should study your babe more before you take the plunge...if your sister didnt give you a reason for not giving you her support ,please go and ask her again why she said no.
Good luck oh.
Incomplete abeg
ReplyDeletePoster, the truth is you are not mature enough to be in a relationship not to talk of marriage. I don't think you should be talking about getting married now because you have a lot of growing up to do. You and your folks need to understand that there are good and bad people everywhere. What is the priority to you guys, tribe or attitude? I understand that you need your sister's support in this but then again you need to make her understand that this girl is all you've ever hoped for (that's if you're serious). You also strike me as someone who is not assertive and bold enough to stand by his choices. If you love this girl as you claim, (even though i doubt it very much) you must make them understand that! Just to encourage you, I am IBO but my husband is Yoruba and we have the most amazing relationship. Let me not even talk about my siblings here. You better do the right thing now before you regret your life later!
DeleteUntil you date an edo girl you will NEVER understand why people run away from them. I almost lost my life dating one for 3 years , progress was far away from me, is it the public fighting she gives me? if you like peace of mine run away from them.
DeleteUjunwa just so we are clear. You are ibo but we are IGBOs.
DeleteAnon 19:07
DeleteI am sure u were a jerk and u were dealing with a girl just as immature as yourself. What exactly did u do to her?
So because you dated one does that mean the rest are like that
DeleteHmmmm forget it.your mum will not agree.Anambra mothers don't like other igbo states let alone Edo state.
ReplyDeleteExactly.
DeleteMy sister married an Edo man. We are from Anambra and my parents love him. Character is the number one criteria for any sane reasonable person. Poster you’re clearly not mature enough to marry since you’re taking surveys. And why you’re surprised she cried when you tried to break up with her just shows how out of touch you are.
DeleteWe dont care, Edo and Delta people are the best. You Stella, see your comment, former Bendel girl like you! Edos are the best, hard working, unafraid and faithful. When in a committed relationship we are there fully. Go away silly igbo boy, cant even fight for her
DeleteSo we are still on this type of backward topic in 2018!!!!
DeleteNawa, maybe it's just my family o. But when getting married no one even had a problem about tribe and I married a non Yoruba . All they are concerned about is if the person is from a good family,good occupation and ability to take care of family,mutual respect,love etc.
My siblings before me married from all zones including urhobo,anambra and calabar and there was never an issue. I have only one sibling who married from our side.
Poster how old exactly are you. You don't even seem emotionally ready to be a husband. If your sister can be nit-picking wife for you.
Anon 16:10 your people find it easier to allow their daughters marry men from outside especially if ego is there, but they don't like your men marrying from outside your place, poster is a man.
DeleteLucile, that your statement is pure lie. Out of the 3 brothers I have,2 married non Anambra babes, the one from Edo, Bini, to be precise is the best of them all. The one from Anambra is even the worst.So disrespectful and all. Gone are the days when patents choose spouses for their children.
DeletePoster seems immature, dazall
A lot of people believe Edo girls are wayward/ prostitutes which I know is very wrong. For the fact that you have met a few who are wayward doesn't mean that they are all bad. One thing I try as much as possible not to do is to judge people based on their tribe.
ReplyDeletePoster, you claim to love the girl then, fight for her. Since you guys have been dating has she been bad to you? Tell me, how will you feel if someone told that they cant marry you based on the general perception about your tribe? Will you be happy? Think about it.
Not only wrong but a fallacy. I am 31 and a virgin so????
DeleteLet them believe, who cares. Tribalism is for those who cannot see beyond their nose. Each tribe has a peculiar trait that is strange to others. If you cannot fight for love, stay within your own people. Nonsense post
DeleteI am not a huge fan of inter-tribal marriage.
ReplyDeleteThis is y I dont smell what I dont eat.
You have led this chick for years and want to dump her now,is it Fair???
Just ask God to distract the Girl.
This one tire me.
Who ask you. Who won marry mbaise people wey local and stingy. Locality to the core😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
DeleteDont mind the poster. If you are a tribalistic person or from a family that is bias, date and marry only your tribe. No advice for you, shocked that a girl you claim to love is crying for you.
DeleteSame here nwanyi mba 5. I am strictly my tribe. Nothing like its ordinary dating
Deleteits as simple as that. ,my papa before he die tell me tribes i no fit marry from and to God who made me, i didnt bother dating such tribes becos i want my papa blessing. he is late now so i can folo my heart. tribe or no tribe its the family values that matter most. my broda marry Edo girl , na from one issue to anoda. her parents are even worse off.
DeleteAbeg no marry any Eshan or Edo person, them no be am.
ReplyDeleteYori wetin Esan do you? Stop being tribalistic. I have wonderful friends that are Esans. The fact that you've met some bad ones doesn't mean all Esans are bad.
DeleteGbam! I'm a bit man but I support you here...
Delete*bini man
DeleteIs this the same yori that's talking about God and church cause if it's same then m highly disappointed at you
Deletetry Esan people weda male of female. they are very envious, just take note when you are making progress they get jealous and you see the traits. i dont make friends with them after wetin them show me
DeleteDon't conclude yet, tell your mum about it and who knows, her reaction may be different from what you think.
ReplyDeleteAbi. No mind am.e don get anambra girl stand by.e won use style dump her.
DeleteThis kinda thing ehn. Talk to ur sister, find out why she isn't in support of it. I just pray your sister isn't using her personal experience to stop you from being happy.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why people attribute a certain character to a tribe... I may be from a particular tribe but my character may be something least expected from that tribe. I think we should study people as individuals not as "tribe"
ReplyDeleteI follow you wonder o.
DeleteI'm the chronicles: dear poster, even tho your story is incomplete, from the little I read, you are one who relys so much on validation of others. At first, I thought it was a lady that wrote this. I'm not saying your family's opinion shouldnt count but it seams as tho you don't eveb have a voice in your decisions. I think you need some growth personally cos with this, I doubt you can even handle family issues on your own without involving others. You don't trust your decisions nor your judgement
DeleteWe get as we be from Edo state, especially the females...they don't make the best wives. #fact
DeleteAnon, talk for yourself and your sisters biko. My sister's and I are best wives to our husband's. We even get Igbo in law sef.
DeleteAnonymous 16:05 shut up.if you don't want your weak Bro to marry!! Just marry him and stop commenting rubbish
DeleteSpeak for youryourself. I am Edo woman, a darn good wife,mother and a sister inlaw.
DeleteWho breaks up with their girlfriend because their sister doesn't 'approve' of the relationship? More so, without giving reasons?
ReplyDeleteYou're not a man yet; leave innocent ladies alone for now.Concentrate on developing yourself and growing some.
And yea, your ex-girlfriend is the lucky one here.
But You should have known the kind of family you are from,very few Anambra men marry outside,till now my brother is still looking for Anambra babe,other Ibo speaking states kwanu?they rejected,I have told him to go get married when he's ready, not bringing people's daughters for family members to scrutinize,and reject cos she's not from Anambra,participate in SNM to look for Anambra babe, he refused,just like I wished my brother well in his search for Anambra wife,I wish you well too.
DeleteAnambra men don't even marry ladies from other Igbo states not to talk of Edo state and this is mostly because their parents will reject those ladies. You should already know the type of family and mother you have so no need bringing your problem here. I think your sister opposed you because she already knows your mum won't support you. Anyway, tell your babe to brace up for the worst, then get ready to present her to your mum. If it works out, fine otherwise let her be because I don't support marriage without parental blessing
ReplyDeleteThis is the truth here. It has nothing to do with the girl nor her tribe. Most Anambra boys start off relationships with people outside their tribe knowing that that's d first law given to them by their parents never to marry other tribes, most of them are tribalistic. Only for the boy to later hurt the girl, pretentious act. In fact for people like this there's nothing good I have to say about them. Y go near people you have been thought to hate?
DeleteSo tribalism still de like this?
DeleteAnon16:49
DeleteNa so we see am. Most Anambra people carry tribalism for head like Afro. Even against their fellow igbos
Reminds me of Jerry. Guy grew up in Lagos o, his Yoruba is even better than my own. We dated, thought we were inlove. Dude asked me how I wanted my bedroom and kitchen, I told him. I remember both of us shopping for everything from Alaba International that year. I chose the bed, dresser and all, whatever they showed us, he asked if I liked it. Na so I returned to school, dude called me suddenly and said he had booked me a flight to Lagos, he needed to see me ASAP... ... In the night he started telling me story of how his mother said her first son can't marry a yoruba girl. When he tried to prove stubborn, the mother threatened to remove her wrapper and curse him.... Omo see crying that night, that was how I jejely carried my bag enter akporoka night bus back to school, that incident earned me an extra year. Thank Goddess, I survived. Anambra men.....Taa!
Deletesowey dear. them be mummy boys
DeleteI don't understand people, like you already know your people wont be in support of the union. You shouldn't have dated her in the 1st place.
ReplyDeleteGbam!!!
DeleteSee rich people marry from other tribes and Edo people are the best. They intermarry a lot
DeleteStereotypes in Naija. Nor be today. It is well. If you can't be a man leave her osiso, let her be free to be wifed by a man. I put it to you point blank, poster you don't want to marry her. It is even better, maybe she would be taking orders from your sister and family in the marriage. Mtcheew, love, my lovely fat ar*e.
ReplyDeleteExactly. He is only trying to use an old trick. He doesn't want to marry her cuz we know u had an Anambra standby chick all along. Go and do the evil u have harboured in your heart for so long. Karma has your address
DeleteNo mind the idiot.like we edo like igbo self!! Stingy people
DeleteFollow Stella's advice
ReplyDeleteI have no problems with Edo ladies, but Benin Men???? Tufiakwa!!!
ReplyDeleteBesides, everyone knows that Anambra men don't marry outside their state, the very few that do will still marry fellow Ibo but from another state.
So Edo babe,save your tears inugo and don't waste your time.
Yes we bini men are something else. Sometimes, I wish....well, if wishes were horses,....
DeletePoster I guess this is your sister replying to every post under anonymous 😂😂😂😂😂. She no want make u marry.yes we binI no good.yes we women bad.continue🙂
DeleteThis anon saying rubbish, I am sure you are the same evil soul writing we edo women dont make good wives. Stop trolling. Edo people are the best
Delete16:52. Do you understand English at all? Are you aware that in Edo State there are different tribes? Esan, Benin, Afemai, Auchi etc etc. I CLEARLY stated in ENGLISH LANGUAGE that I had no p with Edo girls. BUT BENIN men???? Tufiakwa.
DeleteIf you can't comprehend, that's your problem.
Daft human being.
U have to seek validation from your sister about who to date/marry? Maybe nothing is wrong with being an Edo babe, maybe something is wrong with being a wife in your family. So any woman they allow you to be with will have to be very grateful to them and be licking their ass because they have such a large stake in your life and allowed you to marry her.
ReplyDeleteNow you want to seek people's opinion on what to do with your life and happiness, when will you take charge and make decisions about your happiness and life by yourself?
Maybe you should just tell your mom and sister to put their heads together and find you a woman? Would that be okay? Goodluck to you.
Correct person. So tomorrow even in your Anambra wife marriage, your family will be a third wheel
DeleteGod punish the devil
ReplyDeleteYeye dey smell.
Anambra people don’t marry outsiders na...d babe didn’t do her findings before all this
ReplyDeleteGoodluck to you!
ReplyDeleteThis is why they said Anambra guys always bring stories when they are dating another tribe. Time to marry they will say my mum said, now is not your mum Buh your sister. After ka eborichara the girl, Bia kpachara kwa Anya gi there
ReplyDeleteNo mind the idiot. If you cnt marry her, why date her. You knew from the onset.you are a wicked fool.I pray someone do that to that your crayfish head sister.if you cnt marry a girl don't waste her time. Reason why we hv so many single ladies in Nigeria. Especially you igbos!! You need to grow up and put tribal ish aside. And una want one Nigeria? ??? Rubbish
DeleteHahahahaha idi funny!
DeleteAnon 16:27 you are a liar! We are not clamoring for one naija. Give us Biafra. Stella dont swalliw this
DeleteThe writer did not state the reasons why his sister opposed the marriage. Please bros my advise for you is to seek the face of God before marriage, no one married blindly anymore. Hear from GOD before you make any decision of settling with any girl.
ReplyDeleteCandid advise tho.
There is no reason expected from the sister. It is a common thing in Anambra . I am a come Anambrarian and that is how our parents want it. If u want to go against ur parents wish, then be ready to marry without their blessing. Remember the origin of the wahala between P square.
DeletePoster,,,please don't conclude yet,go back to ur sister,if she can give you good reasons for rejecting the lady and if not,please seek the consent of your mum and hear what she has to say about your idea get married to the said lady..
ReplyDeleteI so much believe your sister won't be able to convince your mum so as to make her reject the lady except if she has a good reason.
Also,parents need to be careful about their choice of wife for their son because his happiness should be very paramount and not theirs.the both parent will leave this world anytime or even with out,they won't be there to put your homes together.
A dice thrown
Mc pinky
I wonder why they hate edo girl oo. Last 3 months! ! My bf took me to one of their family friend and we only met their mom.immediately I greeted her. My bf was like!! This is our wife oo. She asked!! Were are you from? I said EDO state!! Omo she was cold! ! Too obvious.🙄🙄( her exact expression ) My bf have to cut in.ma her mom is delta igBo, she now said 😍 now you are talking. Hmm mm I felt bad!! We left briefly. And I asked my bf, why that reaction? ?? He was like!! Don't take it to heart OK! Just that most people don't like edo girls.that even his uncle in ph asked him if his mom ( his mom base in U.S)will agree to him marrying edo girl!! Hmm that was feb14 this incident happened. Any educated person will know and should know that tribe does not matter!! But the family, her background and she or he you are getting married to.I have a lot of good friends from edo, yoruba, igBo. So I don't understand. My Bro if you love her! Pls go for her.man up.
ReplyDeleteGood write u
DeleteYou're not o enough to be a married man if you have people in your life that decide for you.
ReplyDeleteSo because your sister said now youre thinking that you're in dilemma?
You're a weakling if you can jilt a woman because your sister don't like her tribe. Swerve .
👍👍👍
DeleteMy brother you no be man!!! If you love her and you are educated? Is nt about tribe but who your heart is with. IgBo people are so backward!! Choosing who their daughters and sons marry. If you no marry, biko let her go. Than wasting her time. Go marry your fellow stingy and cunning igBo sister. All the igBo I dated were cunning and stingy. Very deceitful humans but that does not mean all are bad.
ReplyDeleteMy brother married from Eshan and we are glad he did. She is simply a wonderful woman! We are from imo
ReplyDeleteAh ah.... But anmabra people are known to be very territorial sef not even tribalistic. Because when a person isnt from anmabra, e hard!!! Even if the person is igbo.... My family friend is 38 and no suitor has passed. why?? Her father said she's first daughter and he won't risk it. Especially as one of the younger ones married oyibo and the thing kaput. So reading this from an anambra guy is like..... is it that you didn't know or you didn't ask?
ReplyDeletePlease when you get to marriage age try and ask your family what they will accept and what they won't. You may not follow it but if you happen to fall in love with a person that's not what they will easily accept (say because of tribe or religion) you will know how to go about it.
Story story
DeletePls break up with her and free her.you self no like her.stop wasting her time.
ReplyDeleteI'm Yoruba dating a guy from Abia.Hope I'm safe dating him? I don't want to waste my time.
ReplyDeleteYou are safe hun.. better if he's abiriba. I'm not from abia state but i think they're the most open minded igbo we have outchea. I like them a lot
DeleteRun if he's ngwa 😆😎
iserved in Abiriba, their men marry from outside wella. but i no fit marry them abeg, their language too hard
DeleteI'm igbo and from enugu state jst like anambra we hardly marry other tribes too, was scared of telling my dad about him cause he warned me o but na Edo man finally come my way I had to brace up and i told him but it ended well by the grace of God,all my dad did was make his findings about his family and found out they are good people and then he gave us his blessings, poster her tribe shouldn't matter but her family should.
ReplyDeleteAunty say the truth nah. Enugu girls love Anambra boys. Many lie they are from Anambra when you first meet them.
DeleteI prefer Edo men cos they behave like igbos and they also take care of their women in fact their wives na their pride unlike Benin men very lazy and wayward.
ReplyDeleteBenin Men are also Edo men. Ignoramus.
Deletestate the tribe babe or guy. Edo state big
DeletePoster please leave that babe alone. Your family wont accept her and from the look of things,you can't stand up for her when the chips are down. Go find Anambra babe.
ReplyDeleteIf I'm your babe,I won't even cry. My cousin did same with her Anambra guy and they later got married but today the marriage don crash and the guy has married his fellow Anambarian.
The same with my aunt ooo. Well she is edo but e Don crash
DeleteSee comments in this day and age ! Shaking my head . I thought education is supposed to enlightened us? Later we blame the white man and call him racist when the black man is stereotyped . Little wonder we don't make progress as a nation.
ReplyDeleteThank you o
DeleteEducation is not for enlightenment in Nigeria o, is only for certificate oh. Nothing else.
DeleteAll l know is that Anambra people marry within anambra and u know it very well. Your sister not supporting you is not an issue,you don't love ur gf,if you do love her,you will marry her.
ReplyDeleteThe girl should allow the breakup.He suggested break up without trying to convince his family.
DeleteYou can't marry someone whose family doesn't want you and he can't even fight for or support you!
My dad told me in my teenage years that if i decide to marry a yoruba man that i shouldnt bother bringing him home.He said i should just follow the person and go.
ReplyDeleteFunny enough, my first love was a yoruba guy.I dont mean the first guy i dated but the one i fell head over heels in love.I told him i couldnt marry him when he was ready to settle down but our frienship never died.He said "who knows since it didnt work out for us it might work out for our kids".
The saying "love doesnt know boundary" isnt always true.Marriage is a union of both families not just the couple.Why start a union if both families are not in agreement? I wont say leave her but make sure your mum ACCEPTS her so that she doesnt get frustrated.
Oga Poster, your JD has increased oya get to work.
Kikikiki #epistlegang 👊🏼
DeleteMy parents said anywhere in this world but if it is Yoruba I should be extra careful. Don’t know their reasons sha and they won’t talk. So when my Yoruba ex met my mum she was very clear about them giving him side eye until they are sure he comes in peace. Hehehehe..... when I met his dad and he started spitting fire balls about me fighting for my love because family will bully me to a pulp, I was like: hunh??? Is this how to welcome me on the first day.
DeleteWhen I made my observations I just took my exit in peace. Yorubas aren’t bad and I can still marry one, but when they’ve warned you and the family or person gives you drama (like Stella mentioned above) it gives one cold feet.
Poster i put it to you that you don't love this edo girl enough to wife her, please tell her point blank let her find her way bikonu.
ReplyDeleteAnd you called yourself a man yet you don't even know how take a decision, Only your sister's refusal almost made you to call it off.
ReplyDeleteThe people from that part of Edo state are wonderful people and moreover you didn't mention her sins that made your sister to rule her out without knowing her.
It's your duty to support your girlfriend and convince your family. The most important thing is someone that will give you peace of mind not the tribe.
Stella you added salt to injury
ReplyDeleteMy honest advice to all these class of vulnerable women:
ReplyDelete#1. Edo girls
#2. Yoroba & ghana women
STOP ENABLING OR HELPING MEN TO (AB)USE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP BY THINKING THAT MAKING FRIEND WITH HIM, SUFFERING & SMILING, ENGAGING IN CRIMINAL ACTIVITIES, SUPPORTING HIM IN IMMORAL THINGS LIKE BREEDING BASTARD & DOING ABORTION WILL KEEP HIM FOR YOU OR MAKE HIM TO MARRY YOU.
Sorry the way the world is programmed is that any man who can't defend u, stand up for u financially & economically, include u in his future plans & share his resources now with u there together today is NOT FOR YOU!!!
It is YORUBA and not Yoroba... And hey, Yoruba women are not vulnerable.
DeleteLmao, all
ReplyDeleteMy brothers married from Anambra except one who married an Oyibo. My sister and I married Fromm anambra. I bet they were all coincidence to be honest .One of my sisters married from IMO and She hear Nwiii. Her in laws are devil incarnate. They reminded us why my grandmother didn’t want to hear IMO state till she died. Personally, I didn’t my like guys from IMO, and wouldn’t recommend them. I’m talking from experience and what people close to me have experienced. In all, anambra guys take good care of their wives and in laws. One Edo guys wanted to die on top of my in his quest to marry an Anambra girl, lol.
Another advantage is proximity during Xmas period. My husband’s village is 15mintes away from mine, we just shuttle between the two villages almost everyday.
for Anambra guys taking care of their wives and their inlaws, that is true.
DeleteThe government needs to do something serious now urgently to educate the Nigerian children and girls about self love. The country is ranked among the highest educated in Africa today, but unfortunately yet the Nigerian girls especially are caught up in so many dangerous social issues today like human trafficking, voluntary and involuntary domestic slavery and exploitation, chronic begging and destitution, generation yoke of ancestral poverty and desperation too break that cycle.
ReplyDeleteWhy? the mothers, the grandmothers, the sisters, the aunties, the women community elders are either weak or greedy or ignorant about the important purpose of raising awareness in the daughters, their grand daughters, their sisters, nieces, cousins etc, to think for themselves and not depend and wait for any man to come and carry them along in life!!!
Here you see a healthy, intelligent, beautiful, young and talented girl with her eyes wide open and setting herself up for a lifetime sentence of rejection, humiliation and possibly physical and sexual violence with a man who doesn't truly care for her, just for the sake of getting married.
I am so ashamed to see the number of beggars even here on this blog among girls and the women, rather than for them to be doing professional networking, progressive social events and productive activities to raise one another up and help lift themselves out of the rot in their life. You will rather see them scamming each other, begging for money or begging for love, setting up someone for failure and shame.
People who have self love will never entertain any one or group of people for even one minute to waste their time on foolishness or to be part of something that is good for the person. Kai Tufiakwa!!! I never see people who so much enjoy suffering & pretending in a relationship pass Nigerians.
LOVE YOURSELF THE NIGERIAN GIRL & WOMAN!!!
IT IS OK TO BE SINGLE!
IT IS OK TO BE ALONE!
IT IS OK NOT TO BE INVOLVED WITH MAN!
IT IS OK TO WALK ALONE & BE ALONE & SHINE ALONE & DO ONLY WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU AS INDIVIDUAL!
DO NOT GET INVOLVED OR STAY IN ANY RELATIONSHIP THAT IS SPIRITUALLY, EMOTIONALLY, PSYCHOLOGICALLY, FINANCIALLY, ECONOMICALLY DESTRUCTIVE TO YOU!!!
my sister in law is ishan/anambra.when we first met her fear grip us cos the combination was scary. my parents expressed the same fear other family members expressed but who want confront am? this was d second esp babe he showed up with. na so we support am o. best decision we ever made. the lady is an angel with her version of drama
ReplyDelete