STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
IN LAWS BROUHAHA
Good day Stella,
You are doing a great job, God will continue to bless you and your Bvs.
Please I don't know if you can post this in chronicle for me.
I got married four years ago and God has bless us with a child,my husband is always going to spend some of his weekend with his family even before we got married.
To the problem at hand, so when we had our child, we still go to spend weekend with his parent though not as frequent as he use to, so last weekend, we went there, my husband went out with his younger brother, so I was left at home with my father In law and mother In law with my son of a year plus.
My hubby came back and they reported me to him, he did not even ask me what happened and he started ranting too.
Please I need advice on what to do, should i report him to out pastor becos we attend the same church with his parents or I should just deal with it my own way because his parents are out of it,they will still defend him,I need advice please,I am loosing my mind.Thanks.
I got married four years ago and God has bless us with a child,my husband is always going to spend some of his weekend with his family even before we got married.
To the problem at hand, so when we had our child, we still go to spend weekend with his parent though not as frequent as he use to, so last weekend, we went there, my husband went out with his younger brother, so I was left at home with my father In law and mother In law with my son of a year plus.
Our child poured water on the floor, my mother In law screamed at my son to hold on let her go and bring something to clean, I heard,came out from the room collected the mop and mopped the floor .
I left there to bring dry rag to clean the floor, as I was coming in my child just fell and I just carried him close to my leg trying to pet him and still clean the floor,though was crying, my father In law just came and collected the rag from me and threw it outside and started shouting (mind you, he's fond of blaming me anytime my child falls saying "what are you doing when this child fell" always shouting at me)
My mother In law joined him and said I would have carried the child when crying, I said I know my child that pretends to cry sometimes,my father In law was still talking so I left them.
My hubby came back and they reported me to him, he did not even ask me what happened and he started ranting too.
We went back to our base and it became a big issue, he doesn't eat the food I cook, i greet him, he wont answer,he even threatened divorce, so my Aunty got involved and he told her I shouted at him, she said I should apologize which I did only for him to say I should go and apologise to his parents, that is where I got more angry and i stopped giving him food and he stop dropping money to cook.
I can take care of myself but he needs to take responsibility of his child's food becos i cant be feeding myself and be feeding my son alone while he eats outside, though the food he bought for our son has not finished.
Please I need advice on what to do, should i report him to out pastor becos we attend the same church with his parents or I should just deal with it my own way because his parents are out of it,they will still defend him,I need advice please,I am loosing my mind.Thanks.
*My dear listen very well....you are not smart at all.
You could have handled this before it got this serious....why is apologising so difficult for you?Will your dentition drop on the floor if you do?You walked out on your Father in law when he was ranting instead of calming the situation immediately...
You said he is fond of shouting anytime your child falls?Meaning it happens often? (Have you taken that child for eye check up?you may need to if it is often)
You want to involve your pastor to embarrass your in laws?....Be wise,Apologise to all involved and stay away from your in laws if they are problematic.
Make peace with your husband and in laws and learn to avoid situations like this please....The current Brouhaha you have is enough reason for your marriage to hit the rocks.
Forget who was right or wrong oh...Hmmmmmm.
Shine your eyes.
Apologize to all parties involved and let peace reign.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why everyone is asking her to apologise. For wat exactly? They trained their son so pls they shd let her train her baby the way she wants as long as she's not abusing him. Crying does not kill children. ..Plus her hubby doesn't gat her back. It's obvious his parents comes first b4 his wife...my hubby is like that too and it's soooo annoying. Poster just know u cantbplease ur inlaws. Wedaor not u apologise. ..Plus if u apologise now, get ready to keep apologising for the rest of ur life
DeleteI understand the fact that grandparents love their grand kids a whoooooolllleee lot. But abeg they shd know where to draw the line. Don't come and shout at me concerning how I handle my kid. Play it part as transparent and not as parent
DeleteExactly anon 15:52...
DeleteIn handling in laws,don’t start what you cannot finish!!...
Queen, I'm with you. And I'm talking from experience. You may try and make peace with your inlaws but it's not by begging or apologizing o. They also need to learn that respect is mutual. In my case, I apologized and it led to more issues. Then I made myself very scarce, no afefe, nothing. Hubby threatened upandan. I stood my ground.I made sure that I didn't exchange words with anyone.Then everybody started looking for me. Now, they know their boundaries. No talking me down, no reporting to hubby. Mehn....I have my peace.
DeleteBut why do men like keeping malice. The guy I am dating malice is his breakfast,lunch and dinner. Since the beginning of this year. It is one issue after the other. I apologise even when I am not wrong just for peace to reign.
DeleteI want to end the relationship but don't have the strength.
Father Lord just give me my own man that will love me genuinely and be good to me.
I am a good person and I deserve happiness and a man that will treat me right.
I have annoying problematic inlaws but I still advice you apologize. Wisdom is profitable to direct. It's not a situation of your husband siding his parents. It's you walking out that annoyed him.
DeleteAll you need to do is apologize, then gradually withdraw. You stop going with your husband to their house, not immediately sha so they won't say you are angry at them. Gradually stop going, stay away from their drama.
Anon 19:18...
DeleteCheck his zodiac sign and know how to handle him!...
Stella, well done for this advise!
ReplyDeleteWomen learn to be wise. Apologise and strategise. Quarrels will not help anybody.
My dear just apologize but you see that house, avoid it like it has hiv, anytime your hubby wants to go there pretend to be sick, if you go once a month reduce it to once in six month until they start looking for you, even then still avoid, things are getting out of hand ... see finish will enter
DeleteGood advice from Stella...Poster be wise. Don't let any evil advice ruin your marriage.
ReplyDeletePls go and apologise to ur parent inlaw, even my mum blames and shout at me when any of my kids falls down or get injured by mistake.
ReplyDeleteGrand parent are over protective of their grand kids
My dear this shouldn't be a problem, except if there is more to it.
Allow peace to reign biko.
Na wah oh!...
ReplyDeleteWhy would your in laws shout at you like a maid?...
Nne,you need to tear eye for these people called in laws oohhh!...if not,dem go put you for pocket!...
Why would you apologize to his parents?...
Did you use any curse word or talk back at them? If yes,you can apologize!!...
But if it happend the way you said it here,apologize fire!...
Your husband should go ahead and divorce you nah!...
Eji divorce eyi Madu egwu!...
Mtcheeew
SMH
DeleteMc pinky
Poster ,do not listen to this queen and boss advice. I repeat do not unless you want to divorce your husband. Your inlaws were only being over protective of their grand child since this happens only when the child falls. It isn't good for a child to keep falling all the time naw. And no matter what, you don't walk out on your parents in law especially your father in law. This shows you lack respect and home training. I am sure u wouldn't want your parents to be walked out on like that all because they are watching out for their child. Apologise to your in-laws wholeheartedly and also your husband. Learn to be a good daughter in law. If your in laws are happy with u, your husband will have cause to be happy with u. Ladies pls let's learn to be patient at all times and be respectful to our elders always.
DeleteI swear, you is crazy..... Seriously?!
DeleteQueen and boss you are not far from d truth jare. Imagine!
DeletePoster, please don't listen to @Queen and Boss. You might be surprised to find out she is opposite of everything she is portraying on this blog.
DeleteSaying sorry doesn't add anything to you neither does it remove anything from your body. Just apologize for peace to reign even if you don't mean it.
You should also understand that Grandparents guide their grandkids jealously and the are always over protective of them. They were just trying to protect your kid.
You can reduce the rate at which you visit but please apologize first.
So the poster should be carrying her baby in her mouth so he won’t fall abi?...
DeleteAnon 15:45, in your word,you said and I quote “It isn't good for a child to keep falling all the time naw”....
Are you a mother?...I don’t think you are one cos you would have known that children between age 1-4 fall down easily while playing or running around!....
Why the hell are you blaming the poster?....
Lmaooooo !! Queen ejikwa ya eyi many women egwu o. No be only apologize, also kill goat fr dem. Ana akoyeri
DeleteI can't count how many times my 1 year old falls in a day, even the boy getting to 3 years now, their play is too much biko. Make una liv the poster alone. Stella nawaaa for u, e neva reach to call the doctors na,abi yo children no dey fall?
DeleteBut queen and boss is right, children fall ally when they are learning to walk, you can only do your best. Your Inlaws seem to be the troublesome type, apologize if you need to but give them space, your hubby no try at all, threatening divorce means he has already made up his mind with the support of them maybe, it's a dicey one but try and manage the situation for now, but I don't see this ending well, your hubby should have taken your side abeg.
DeleteMy dear..I give them space nii.cos me dont even have time for wahala,and also i have alot to bring to table in my matrimonial home,so nobody dey do anyow for my side.Apolosgise and give them space.Pele
DeletePlease stop going to their house,They have seen you finish!!...
ReplyDeleteThat is my attitude too. I will apologise and never set foot in thier house .
DeleteExactly. What ribbish in the name of marriage.
DeleteLol
DeleteYour in-laws are right to an extent a crying child is more important than the floor you were trying to dry. You should have calmed the children 1st.
ReplyDeleteYou think it's easy to take care of a child? What was d mother and father inlaw doing when d poster was cleaning d floor? Why did they not carry d child from d mother? Nonsense
DeleteMadam apologize to ur inlaws and let peace reign excep you are tired of ur marriage.
DeleteI agree with you,then give them space,all these closeness with inlaws,Neigbours,the end is always trouble.
DeleteAn apology won't reduce d pride in your body, so apologise n continue with ur nose in d air..since u can take care if urself, I suggest u continue since "I am sorry" is not in your dicktionary.
ReplyDeleteAsin ehhh no sorry in her dicktionary she is full of pride.
DeleteBlackberry pls shut up idiot. You are not even married. Leave advise for the married ones and continue your ashawo work
DeleteAnonymous 16:04, you are a vile frustrated idiot. You that is married, what useful advice have you given that you are insulting another. Point at the woman that asawo is not her first name, even in your family. Oloshi
DeleteLol...my dear, ashawo no be work, look for another abuse.
Deleteoversabi blackberry...why would you conclude sorry is not in her dictionary?
DeleteThis pastor you want to invite is human. And tomorriw will talk about it to someone. Maybe his wife.
ReplyDeleteStop glorifying pastors...
Go to your father in lawn mom in law,buy gifts, kneel down and seek for forgiveness. Beg never to do it again...
When you get home, stategize how to eat with the devil using a long spoon
Buy gift for what? Which kind yeye gift? Because the child poured water on the floor or because the child slipped and fell? Was the mother in law not there? Why did she not carry d child when d poster went inside to get dey rag? Instead they were there watching African magic abi super eagles and they forgot it's also their duty to look after their grand child. You people think it's easy to take care of a child. Poster your father in-law has no right to shout at you. There are so many ways to correct someone. You don't have to shout. So many of you here telling d poster to apologise won't do it o. But would come here and start giving yeye advise. Left for me I won't apologise. But that doesn't mean I Won't greet them when I see them o. Poster pls stop goin there. If you want to go sef, at least once in two months. That's "see finish" Since you already apologised to your husband stop going there biko. But if you still wanna apologise to his parents for peace to reign, just call them and greet them then you can apologise. But stop going there for now because the next incident might not be a shout. It could be a slap or a blow or kick sef. They don't like you and your husband don't have respect for you. So if your father in law had slapped you that day your horseband will still ask you to apologise abi? If you go there again, he won't only shout at you, he would slap you also and your hubby will tell you to apologise. You better wise up
DeleteModella did u read a post at all? D mother inlaw went to get something to clean d water immediately n also yelled at d child not to move, that to me is reflex. Poster heard n came out 2 clean d water b4 d mother inlaw came bk. Going by her story d mother came in just when d father inlaw was yelling. The drama can easily b played if ull allow ur brains work a bit.
DeletePoster. U sound rude to me. Yes ur father inlaw is in d habit of yelling whenever ur kid falls, that is not out of place but for u to walk out on an elderly man when he's talking shows d kind of woman ure. Also if ur husband is insisting u apologise to his parents then theres a tendency that this is not d 1st time ure been rude to them. Moreso it didnt take u much to stop cooking 4 ur husband simply becos u can tk care of urself. Now u want to drag ur husband n family to ur pastor. Marriage don really tire u b4. Better take stella's advice n stick with ur man while u try as much as u can to reduce ur visit to ur inlaws.
But he stopped eating her food by himself and stopping dropping money and threatening divorce! Abeg!
DeleteModdella, I don't know what you women of nowadays take ur in-laws as? Let me clear u they are the parents of your husband who is your lord whom you answer his name, what do you mean they don't have right to scold you? They bore,train,the man that kept you in his house the man answers to them before meeting you, so if your father shouts @ you hope you will walk out on him? Women your parents in-laws are your parents too cos you practically answer their name, bore their grand children, they are your family oooo, poster go apologize to your in-laws, if you want go to their house if don't want stay in yours trust me you won't be missed, for women advising you to stop coming to your in-laws house don't worry I pray we will all be grand mothers then you will know how they feel.
DeleteModella and chyluv, you guys will become grand parents one day and I hope that when your daughter in law walks out on you when talking to her, you'll congratulate her and give her a medal. You guys are the very rude type and I can imagine what your husbands must be passing through, ,,.. SMH
Deleteshut up oversabi idiot....so she should continue cooking for a man that keep malice and refuse food abi? gone are the days women cry when husband no eat...stop visiting his parents often...he should go alone since he is still tied to his mothers apron strings
DeleteI don't know why some women are not wise. Madam take the advice stella gave you. And make apply wisdom when it comes to the relationship of you and your in-laws.
ReplyDeleteWhy would your in-laws shout at you? That is very wrong and your husband doesn’t have respect for you at all. Eeeeeya I really pity some women.
ReplyDeleteI remember one little incident before I married my husband. My husband told them we will be spending the night in a hotel after our traditional wedding. He said we will come to the village and the go to the hotel. The sister went off in my presence. Said all sorts of things, it’s an abomination, blah blah blah. Lol I just walked off. The next day she called me on my phone, I didn’t pick up, She called my husband phone, and told him to give me the phone. She apologised for getting angry in my presence. I said no worries. She thought that wasn’t enough, she came to our house to apologise again before the wedding. This lady didn’t even insult me oo, just that she got angry in my presence, that’s it. Yet she apologised, even the mum, a lawyer for that matter called me and apologised. I don’t know the kind of guys you people marry, again mind the kind of family you mary into. My mum walkways advises us to check the family well, because you are not only marrying the guy but the family.
Anon 15:21 pls tell them. Some people stoop too low for their in-laws. From shout now e go enter slap. Na wah o. Can't deal mehnn
DeleteCorrect. Who goes to their fathers house every weekend hian
DeleteMy dear it's not about the family, this poster is not being sincere.
DeleteTheir anger is that she's not portraying a good mother right before them, if she can do that in their presence she'll do worse when nobody is around. We're talking about a toddler that fell down crying, we don't know how hard. She even mentioned faking cry hian! The father in-law threw the rag away to teach her the child is more important.
Poster behave yourself next time to avoid embarrassment.
"Why would your in-laws shout at you? That is very wrong and your husband doesn’t have respect for you at all. Eeeeeya I really pity some women."
DeleteFood for thoughts.
Mtschewwwwww
DeleteThe mother of the child knows her child better than any of you. Some children can fake cry na. The poster was there and so she knows how hard the child fell....stop judging her wrongly.
DeleteDYKM... Osheeey mother of the century.....Weldon. So you mean she doesn't love her child? How many children do you have to know who is a good mother? It's easy to sit and type rubbish in the name of advice...when you have kids you will know how to choose your words when talking to a mother.
Delete@phinite and you know me too well to conclude I don't have kids, sorry oh I've got a handful.
DeleteAttend to your kids before anything, a child of that age can't talk, they only draw your attention with crying most times and don't tell me they fake crying too. A child that fell down obviously in pains faking cry oh lawd! Mothers dey o
@DYKM I'm so pissed at your comment. If you're truly mother, then shame on you. How dare you judge another mother? Do you know her child more than she does? Mrs Perfect, I know your type.
DeleteDykm...you are a bad mother. Children must not be attended to like every second when they cry. Smfh.
Delete@princess zee you don't have to go anonymous too to continue cussing your generation. You said I'm a bad mother for attending to my kids? Ikwakwakwakwakwa I will gladly continue to be, neglect yours your cup of kunu. Truth is bitter!
DeleteMadam stop wasting time on a trivial matter, apologize to your in-laws and let peace have his way in your home.
ReplyDeletePlease divorce this man and let peace reign, you are a bastard.
ReplyDeleteIf you as a woman cannot be submissive to a man, then stay away from marriage.
DeleteIt's not meant for everybody.
Foolish women and girls will line up and be talking trash on the internet meanwhile most of the thwarts went to church today for eyeservice.
Two captains can't run a ship.
Arrogance will be your downfall madam. I can see you going about as anonymous insulting people upandan!
#dunce
you are an idiot for calling her a bastard....smelly chauvinist male pig...so something happens and a man cannot ask his wife what happened?
DeleteSaying sorry doesn't hurt na. Infact you don't have to mean the sorry sef. In laws have wahala ooo just avoid dem and look for ways to limit the way you visit dem.
ReplyDeleteJanded
This chronicle is for me, poster you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteYou better shine eyes for them too o. You can't please everybody jare else they won't have regards for you at all. Too much of a thing is bad
DeleteYou better shine eyes for them too o. You can't please everybody jare else they won't have regards for you at all. Too much of a thing is bad
DeleteModella respect is earned by love not by gra gra or shining of eyes
DeleteI remember when my ex took me to see his people, the mum gave me a hard time. Immediately we got in, She asked me to stand up and turn around, which I did. She later took me into one of the rooms, and started bombarding me questions; do you have a spiritual talent? How many boyfriend’s did you have before my son? Have you done an abortion before? How is your period like? All sorts of embarrassing question this woman asked me. I started crying, my boyfriend came and took me away to the long bing rooms the next day she overheard my boyfriend and I calling each other honey, she dropped one comment ‘ this honey honey will only last for sometime, when you go deep in your marriage, it will stop. After that trip, I told my boyfriend to take his ring, I’m done. He pleaded with me, and said his mother can be difficult, I said nope. That was how I ended that relationship. No strength to start having problems in my marriage because of in laws. God later blessed me with a good guy and a good family. My husband and his family worship the ground I walk on. They love me to bits and I’m grateful.
ReplyDeleteWord!!!
DeleteMy dear, you dodged a grenade.
DeleteHappy you found and married a good guy from a good family.
Cheers to your happiness!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Nawaa for these questions
Deletehappy for you. No woman need such mama as mother in law. Why asking such embarrassing questions.
DeleteI will do same if anybody ask me stupid questions.
My dear, if I had known I would not have married, my mother in law is a monster in law. As my in laws showed me their true colors na so I show them my own color. Long story. Some in laws are terrible.
Deletenaso you see problem your prevent it prevention is better than cure.
DeleteYour stupid ego and I know it all spirit makes you delluded. You offend your in-laws you must apologise, your in-laws offend you, you must apologise. Men don't want women like you as wife. Learn and take corrections.
ReplyDeleteAnon 15.30 I also don’t want men like you as a husband. Thank God I married someone who respects his wife. I respect my husband and his family and they respect me too. Foolish man who thinks women owe them their lives for marrying them. I detest men like you with no home training.
DeleteSlave Master, ndo
DeleteAnakogheri
DeleteGuy wetin you dey yarn now?
DeleteSeems na slave you want.
So whether she's at fault or not, she must always apologise, right? Weldone.
Deleteyes my dear I agreed with Stella on this, swallow your pride and apologize to ur husband and in-laws , then cutdown ur visit to ur in-laws. And please next time don't allow ur misunderstanding with ur hubby gets this messy before making peace with him, so u don't use ur hands to drive ur husband into another woman hands. Be wise
ReplyDeleteNonsense...people cheat because they want to. Please stop blaming women
DeleteStella gbam! You have said it all nothing to add. This matter is not serious enough to be stretched. This small thing can be the end of your marriage. Poster be warned and follow all what aunt Stella said.
ReplyDeleteThat is what you get when you marry a daddy's boy! Pls just close eye and apologise to them and stop going there more often. I am not saying your husband is right o. but just for peace to reign. Even your pastor will tell you the same thing. They are like your parents too. so if your parents shout at you will you get angry also? I guess you are angry cos of the way your father in-law shouted at you and threw d rag away. Lol... and your husband wants to also please his parents too. as a mummy's boy that he is. mtchewww... Just apologise and move on. stop going there with your child. don't you have other things to do than going to spend the weekend there? them don see you finish self. just give them space period!
ReplyDeleteMama's boy...see finish syndrome
DeleteSee finish syndrome.
DeleteApologise to your in-laws and husband, but reduce the weekend vacation at their place, if you must go, you can go late Saturday evenings and come back sunday that way there's less time and space for issues between you all.
ReplyDeletePoster, I am a woman and I know how much it hurts when a husband start behaving childish. You are right to do what you are doing now but you need to be wiser than that too! First thing to do now is apologize to those yeye in-laws of yours,for the sake of peace to reign in the house. Also let your husband 'feel' like he's won the battle. Once all is well again at home, become more patient with your anger, focus on making more money, try and avoid those in-laws at all cost, if na to dey lie say ur enemy get malaria whenever it's time for a planned visit, do am. Just try and distance yourself gaaaan from them. Another question I need to ask is, we're you scared when he threatened to divorce you? If it's a yes, again, you really need to start devising a 'plan B' for your own life cus not all men behave as childish as yours. Ok na, fellow BVS, any more advise for the poor lassie?
ReplyDeletePoster, you don't know the politics of marriage yet! It isn't who calls police first that wins the case.
ReplyDeleteGo and apologize with whatever you know they love most e.g. fruits etc and apologise to your hubby.
Kneel down, beg him, pray for him and cook a good meal for him then enter the 'oza' room.
Never allow any form of argument linger till the next day.
Kiss and make up because you still have a very long way to go. God bless your marriage.
So she will continue to appologise for the rest of her life because of marriage
DeleteUntil she turn mumu abi ?
DeleteI have always said it on this blog
ReplyDeleteWOMEN PLS MARRY MEN AND NOT BOY
Only a boy still ties himself to his parents apron after marriage.
What are you people doing going to your in-laws house every time as if it's the supermarket...see finish syndrome has entered your matter abeg
Just go and appologise to your in-laws after which you give them serious space.if your husband wants to go there every weekend then let him go but as for you,let them know that you are not available for their constant insults.
I understand that you feel cheated that you man couldnt defend you when he ought to but for the sake of peace just appologise and stay far far away from their...infact keep your child away from them.
LEP😛
Good good advice. Apologise for this one and please stop going there. Go during festive period only.
DeleteSeconded.
DeletePoster, follow this advice above to the letter. That's exactly what you need.
DeleteThirded. Even the festive period gaan, them nor go see me.
DeleteAbsolutely agree with you.
DeleteThe man is childish, malicious and cannot stand for his wife. This is the kind of person who will fight his wife if the parents tell him to.
The inlaws are rude and disrespectful.
The wife is timid and is snacking on a big fat bowl of see finish garri.
I'm a master at giving such people the kind of spaaaaaaaaace they can't fathom.
Even when they stand before me,they still ant reach me. I'm so gone.
Bullshit! You in laws should be the ones apologising to you. What nonsense! You sure don’t command even a little respect in your home. That’s why your husband and his parents walk you over. Your husband should have a word with his parents for always shouting at you.
ReplyDeleteImagine!
DeleteAnd someone said up there she should apologise, keep apologising...
Lolll, because she's not human. She doesn't deserve respect? Lollll some Nigerian women are just fools. No wonder you go through so much rubbish in your marriages.
What's an apology? They care about their grand kid which is normal. If they felt offended you should have tried your best apologizing to them same.
ReplyDeleteDid you say your child of a year plus fakes crying? Your in-laws saw what you didn't include here, you careless.
If you still want your marriage, drop these things aside:
Stubbornness
Pride
Selfishness
Disrespect &
Over sabi.
Why must a woman be disrobed of her honor & dignity just because she is married or wants to stay married.The way we treat our wives/sister in-laws in Nigeria as if they have no right to defend themselves or be human is appaling.
DeleteShe got angry because she felt disrespected so she ought to be nailed to the cross abi.
Marriage in Africa can sometimes be a course.
LEP😛
*curse
DeleteI don't know about Africa, but in Nigeria? Nothing to write home about. Nothing.
I never said she should give up these things you mentioned LEP, there are ways to handle such things to avoid it escalating to something like this. Being humble doesn't mean you're a fool, two wrongs can't make a right again a stitch in time......
DeleteHer hubby should drop as well 1. Disrespect, childishness, wickedness, selfishness and disloyalty to spouse.
DeleteNo one has ever choked swallowing her pride. Please this is not good enough to cause a divorce. Poster abeg roll on the floor if you must to beg them. After all apologies, stay your lane and whenever you visit, keep your guards up. Children learning to walk always fall and my hubby always blames me. In fact no matter how I present it, I'm still careless. I have learned to just keep mute and let it slide. Marriage no be beans.
ReplyDeleteSome of these elderly ones can be really annoying,just go and apologize to them for peace to reign. No one is blaming you but we must apply wisdom when it comes to family issues, it won't cost you anything dear,put family above your pride and swallow the insults.
ReplyDeleteInvite pastor for what exactly???! Oh puhlease!! ✋ apologize to your inlaws but if they are disrespectful to you, then kill the source of that disrespect. If it means you distancing yourself, then do. Respect is earned my dear, earn it very well. It didnt just start now did it? So if its the fact that baby falls, or you sef dont carry yourself well, or its see finish.... Address it with your husband.
ReplyDeleteAnd if your child falls often, go for check up. A relative's daughter lost her hearing till today because of this falling issue - she's in her teens now and still not hearing. And it would have been corrected if the parents took action early. By the time they noticed, it was too late.
Why do babies have those sit-in walkers again?? Una doh oh!!
No naaa,a baby uses the sit in walker until a certain stage.a year plus is too old for that
DeletePoster please go and apologize to your in_law for peace to reign in your marriage and stop visiting them more often .
ReplyDelete***...apologise to them....
ReplyDeleteIf I were the poster, I wont apologize at all. I cant be disrespected by my so called inlaws because I married their son. Why will they even shout at you just because your child fell? There's more to this story. Maybe your husband doesn't respect you at all and they maybe you don't carry yourself well. My inlaws cant try rubbish with me because I know my worth, I don't belittle myself at all.
ReplyDeleteApologise to them but you need to reduce your visit. It was because of too much familiarity.
ReplyDeleteTry and be scarce.
My in laws cannot shout at me for any reason whatsoever. I'm an easy going person and I don't belittle myself at all. Even when we go spend time with them, I know my boundaries.
ReplyDeletePoster, your husband is the problem; he doesn't value you at all. Imagine him taking sides with his parents without hearing from you. From all indications, there's a problem between you and your inlaws that you don't know yet. Just be wise!
Ehen.... i talk am. Something must bring disrespect. You can go to your inlaws, cook and clean and still not be disrespected/belittled. I like myself.... i will be very nice yet icy, you wont even know where to step in. Who says natural skoin isnt good?
DeleteWhy do men think that divorce is the worst thing that can happen to a woman? U people should start using another line abeg!
ReplyDeleteNone of this makes sense. Children fall all the time, so what is the big deal? The child did not hurt any vital body parts or break anything, so why did everyone get on you that the child fell? If they have tiled floors then maybe the child should be fed around a table only, or only be given drinks form a unspillable cup.
ReplyDeleteThis is the dumbest thing I have ever read, and the reactions to me is over the top. How about alternating and going to your own ppl's place a couple weekends a month. Don't your parents want to see their grandchild too. I don't care who you are if you are shouting at me I am walking out on your ass too. I don't scream and shout at ppl and I do not want anyone doing it to me, better you walk away than say something you cannot take back. So I don't fault you for leaving the room, some ppl expect they should be able to say anything to you no matter how bad, and you should just sit there calmly and take it all in because they are an elder, you are human too, and even the Bible warns parents not to provoke their children to anger.
Apologise if that is the only way that peace can reign, once the apology is over take your child on a visit to your own parents place and chill for a bit. I never get the punishment by food bit, that shit is too juvenile for me to deal with, but I guess this incident is showing you many things about these ppl. When you go back to visit with them, make sure you are around your child at all times, be a shadow so that nobody can say anything. Never get comfortable in leaving your child with anyone, some ppl will interpret it as you being a lazy parent even though you may feel they are with their grandparents so all is well, ppl are constantly viewing and judging you in this life, so do everything for your child yourself even in their home, do his meals, baths, changing of clothes and diapers, everything, do not give anyone the opportunity to consider you a lazy parent. Always remember these are not your ppl, they are your husband's ppl and blood is thicker than water, never get too comfortable, because familiarity breeds contempt. Receive wisdom and act accordingly.
Spot on
DeleteI think the worst thing here is having a husband who doesn't have your back. Who won't defend you in public. If he can't defend you infront of his parents, that means you have no one in your corner if strangers, landlord, neighbours etc ever try to come at you.
ReplyDeleteEven if he felt his parents were right, he needed to use a level of maturity to smoothen frayed tempers and then in private discuss calmly with his wife.
But someone who doesn't know right from wrong, how can he be expected to know what being a head or leader is?
Madam you know what you married so well... that's really up to you how you handle it.
But in-laws... sometimes we say sorry even when we are not wrong, just to end an issue and move on. It's what you do after this issue that really matters, otherwise there will be a repeat of this and worse, time and again.
Also, I advice you to sieve sensitive things that your husband or inlaws can use against you. Imagine if there is another shouting match,because -newsflash- your child is still going to fall again at one point, and your inlaws start shouting at you again, imagine them screaming some of the private things you've confided in your husband?
So so disappointed with the kind of men who are occupying 'husband positions' these days in these parts. A lot of Nigerian men think 'husband' is just a title they hang on door like those office decorations. Too many jabberwockies abound.
Oh and finally, with elderly people, especially the local unexposed ones, you have to pick who you want to be and stick to it consistently. You can't be forming self expression today, temperamental tomorrow, calm like ice the next,no,they will just say you dey crase. So if you want to start with grovelling and apologising, stick to it. Let that be your ministry. If it is cold and detached, stick to it, if it is happy and warm or fire for fire, stick to it. Don't come and be giving them different faces, thinking you are keeping them on their toes. Not this type of people. You and your son will just be standing and falling with your load and properties by the bus stop, while oga has moved in with wife number 2 'shaperly'.
Infact!! Barman.... please a glass of champagne for this anon 19:01.
DeleteThanks stella and everyone for your advice,I. Will take him for check up I love my child so much and am not being careless, a mother will testify that most male child are sometime restless. He doesn't fall at my base because I caution him when he's playing too much, but my inlaws give him so much freedom and expect me to drop my life and be following him anyway he goes. Thanks everyone,I will call them to know how they are doing but not to apologise because if I do,I will keep apologise unnecessary,beside I didn't insult them. Pastor is out of it too,I will go with what you all said. Thanks everyone, great family we are here.
ReplyDeleteDont mind these people,there is nothing wrong with your child...the constant falling is normal!!...
DeleteIt is well. Kids will be kids... Give them space, see finish is worrying them.
DeleteSeen
ReplyDeleteBesides why is a grownup man married with a child going for weekend....hian Na wa oh... My in-laws live 50 naira away from us (bike o) and one month will pass, my keg no cross there, in fact sometimes Na hubby go dey beg just try reach there Na, I will tell him, my house no dey pursue me, even him he only goes there when his parents need his help for something and he's always ready to jump in and defend me even if am at fault in his parents presence he will stand by me but in private e tell me babe u fuck up o, even D mum will always complain, no need to report to her husband o, he will support her... So poster D way ur hubby placed u is d way they ve taken u,since it's like Dat abeg apologize for peace to reign...
ReplyDeleteI support Don's last comment. Make yourself scarce that the next time they see you after this apology episode, you will be like an egg in their sight.....
ReplyDeleteWell, my take on this issue is that you should treat your in-laws they way you would have treated your own parents. And dont be apologetic about it.
ReplyDeleteWorst that can happen is divorce. If you ever have divorce in mind, please don't wait any further, just do it. Because once you put your mind towards that, everything will be working towards it.
Let me add my opinion. Honestly speaking, if it was me i wont apologise to his parents because i did not insult them. As for the husband, i will apologise to him then when he is in a good mood i will ask him why he has no regard for me or never has my back.
ReplyDeleteIf she cannot apologise to the in laws, then why is she apologising to her husband? Did she insult or offend him in any way?
DeleteSee, the way you treat yourself is the way others treat you. Once in a while you will meet people who you will have to TEACH how to treat you. Go for it.
Madam poster make peace with them.
ReplyDeleteStay far far away from your in laws house after that. Let your hubby keep going alone as it's his ritual.
It's a pity you're married to a boy that can't stand for his wife.
There's more battle for you to fight ahead due to his immaturity.
It's well with you.
If it's me sha I won't apologize and I'll tell you why, did I drop the baby, did I cause the fall, did I insult them? So what tf is their problem. Had a similar episode, while nursing, with my hubby outta town would go with the baby on most weekends to see my Inlaws. They are actually very nice people. After a while they weren't satisfied with the visits and wanted more, even suggested we moved in. On one of those days, they suddenly started shouting at me to stop exclusive breastfeeding, said all sorts that I'm very stubborn this n that n I should forget medicine n all! I was livid, what! Is this not see finish? I smiled, didn't respond and walked away, luckily my uber was already at the gate. I got home and rang hubby, days after though, narrated it to him, and subtly warned him to talk to them about our choice of feeding our baby, cos they were screaming at me. He apologized n did, cos it didn't repeat again. meanwhile I decided no more weekend visits, reverted to only occasional Sunday's, no sleepovers again, we leave in the evening. Didn't call them for weeks they later called begging that I should be calling now, n bring their grandchild to see them Lmaoo. Its better like this, over familiarity brings contempt my dear. As I said before your hubby didn't try at all, n to bring divorce up just shows that he's childish and malicious. Apologize oh to save your marriage, different strokes, but I can bet you, you will keep apologizing for what you didn't do for the rest of your sordid life!
ReplyDeleteYou simply applied wisdom, you won the battle before it started.
DeleteI am a man, I dove my hat for you
Madam,did u happen to scream at your husband in front of his parents?that's the only reason he can be this upset(he's just being a typical egoistic man)PLEASE apologise,similar scenario once played with me but my in-laws would never shout at me,it was my hubby that got angry that I didn't hold my son while a car was moving near by,we were in d middle of a party and he saw how busy I was,for months he reffered to the issue and how painful it was for him cos his whole famy was there,if this is the case please APOLOGISE,the truth is in marriage u can WIN but not with pride,don't report to your pastor,it will only make it more dramatic,just APOLOGISE and wait it out,someone said up there that u try to find out why u are being disrespected my in-laws,please do,carry yourself with DIGNITY and GRACE but not PRIDE,it is well with you!!!
ReplyDeletenne,in all fairness you shouldn't have walked out on yourFIL.my mum still scolds me even after how many kids.you can talk back at your mum and she'll understand but never at your inlaws.this is pride is allowed if you are tired of the marriage.yes you didnt talk back but you walked away.dont mind people advising you otherwise,they may not do so if it happens to them.my advice is..call them apologise because you have your plans.after then stay away from their homes on weekends..make silly excuses that sound credible and will also keep your hubby from going ..reduce the visiting to 1month then keep reducing as the need arises..marriage is wisdom its not done by i am too sharp..everything is strategy and planning...you can do otherwise if your tired of the marriage.
ReplyDeletewell pls apologise to them, its not good to walk out in front of elders. dont go there again. i wont marry such a man who goes to his parents house regularly, i have only seen my Mum once this year so no man will make me see his parents more often than not when we have our own home. rubbish
ReplyDeleteYou married a man who will never be able to cleave. Know this and act accordingly. You laid the foundation for them to speak anyhow regarding YOUR child. Grandparents are cool but they tend to try and overdo if you let them. Apologize, it will not kill you. However you need to start being smart, those people are obvious bullies and you will need to be smart. Your husband will never take your side.
ReplyDelete