We have so concentrated on Physical abuse/altercation that we have failed to realise that emotional abuse is worse than the physical and one of the major factors that lead some people into depression and suicide..........
Everyone is guilty of having dished out emotional abuse because what you say and think is OK might hurt someone.........Worse are those who it consciously!
It is not right to break people with words...like telling your spouse they smell during an argument.....
Have you ever been a victim of emotional abuse that broke you?what was said and how did you react and try to pass a message across that it hurt you?
Have you ever dished out cruel words knowingly?
Yes... O Stella, when I'm pissed my mouth is my weapon I will just drop one bombshell and Waka pass.
ReplyDeleteOh God, this is so me.
DeleteWhenever I get angry I find it difficult to control my words. I have been praying to God about it because I don't need that kind of attitude/outburst. The people presently around me are so loveable( my husband , his family and my kids)...very happy people. I just thank God that they understand I am from a different background. I got it from my upbringing, my dad (a typical Delta man) was too harsh and insensitive with his words. God pls help me and pls help me fast.
Parents please be careful how u react/act/talk around your kids. It has a big impact on them!
I don’t think I can me emotionally abused because my mouth is fire. I was in the salon and one woman was complaining to another that after making her hair her hubby still called her ugly and how sad she felt and told her that why should it affect her when his words are not true and mirrors were invented to prove him wrong.
DeleteThe day any man insult me like that I will insult his manhood, insult him to the point he will not sleep that night, as long as physical violence is not involved if na mouth competition, I am the winner.
I think the only thing a man will do to hurt me is deny me money, that’s why I avoided stingy men all my life ��
Yes been a victim then I turned d table around and started dishing it out to people one by one...and d funniest thing is u can’t beat me...no matter how u try to calm down people will always want to to trigger u 😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteThe way you're always dishing it out these days to one SDK angry bird.😂😂 Funny enough she can't even respond😂😂😂
DeleteYou wey don commot cloth finish to enter road?your trigger is very easy,if dem dash you sweet you go begin dance for road
DeleteUhm.. .
ReplyDeleteI don't like doing emotional abuse but prefers physical one...
Why I stopped saying cruel words to people is, I always felt guilty at the end.. blaming myself for saying such words and at the end of the day apologizing to the person involved. ..so I had to stop...
U prefer physical abuse? Wow!
DeleteU prefer physical abuse....😮..
DeleteI would surely fight back.. .
DeleteStella see there will forever be emotional abuse in Nigeria because everybody has bad mouth, even d victim....if u don’t have a thick skin u will just be depressed in this country cos people use every slight opportunity to mock u
ReplyDeleteChange your circle. Also no stranger can abuse you emotionally.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI've been on the giving and receiving ends. But I no get power to type story. E too plenty
ReplyDeleteI have a problem of using the word 'stupid' especially when she does something really stupid. I know it is not fair and anyone can make mistakes but before I could recognize this, I am have said it already.
ReplyDeleteI tell you Stella, emotional abuse are the worse of all. They are the most difficult to handle. There are people that destroy you with just their mouth that you would wish they had beaten you than what they had said. Women are often guilty of this especially when they are madly upset.
ReplyDeleteMy neighbor had a fight with his wife years ago. We were shock when the wife called him a criminal that they will soon kill him. The husband specialize in buying things from this Hausa guys that normally sell things cheap and he confided in his wife about it.
The man sent her packing, she stayed for almost a year before people started begging for him to forgive her. Today they are back again with another child they just got about six months ago. I was saying to myself so she is confident to call her husband thief and pray for the law to get hold of him yet shame didn't catch her to still come back. SMH...
I have built this walls,that word hardly get to me... How will u even emotionaly abuse me sef, when if u insult me,I'm insulting mine back sharp sharp, can't go home and start having sleepless nights..
ReplyDeleteBefore I married my husband, I told him not to ever insult me because I will insult him back o, I can't just control it,he will have to kill me...and so far we tank God... there is a way we constructively Insult each other without using cruel words😂
Lol. I'm also an advocate of 'give it back sharp sharp'.
DeleteI've been called names several times by my former supervisor. He calls me gay, fag, homo etc on a daily basis. It was emotionally wrecking. I had to pen down my resignation letter stating my reasons for bailing out. Few years later in another city; guess who walked in for a job interview? Your guess is as good as mine. I made him pass the three stages of the interview, I was neutral. Just days before his letter of offer is to be printed, I walked into the HR manager's office and open up to her who the prospect truly is. I also made her understood that I was not in anyway trying to influence her decision but to let her know that I am ready to take a walk from the company should that man be employed.
ReplyDeleteThat's was how my former supervisor never got called even after passing the medical test.
....but you influenced her decision na
DeleteServes the fucker right. cuz if you had waited for him to be employed to deal with him he may make them sack you.
DeleteP.s Hey Martins, I changed my browser to crome cuz uc browser is pissing me off by being slow. Now I can't log in. No matter how many times I try, it keeps login in my office email i.d
Stella when you call people aunty Gwegs on your blog I hope you know that is emotional abuse
ReplyDeleteI have said stupid things to my ex- girlfriend which I regret now and I know wherever she is now, she will always find a space deep down in her heart to forgive me and to let her know If everybody underrate her, I will always appreciate her and will never hate her. Make she no vexc. I sincerely apologize for everything I have said.
ReplyDeleteHmm. One day i had misunderstanding with sils, the way my hubby just came from nowhere to put mouth and started talking plenty. That me i like trouble too much, too proud, nd many horrible things. Tbh i am not like that.i was more than shocked. I am not quarrelsome, not troublesome or anything. In fact his words broke me dat day. I kept thinking about it for days. Cant mention all he said.
ReplyDeleteKept thinking, couldnt understand why he said all those things that day. Its been weeks, but anytime i remember i just feel very angry, but i just try to quickly put it off my mind. As a christian, we are taught not to hold on to grudges.
I think you should find time and sit him down and explain quietly what he did and how hurt you were by his actions because from what you said, it's festering inside you and you need to let it out...without any altercation oh.
DeleteU are really gay...no real man would do that...u are just a sissy
ReplyDeleteTry walking in someone's shoes before jumping into conclusions. He deserves what he got. It's not just about calling someone gay. What about all the nasty things the ex-supervisor would have told people about him? Ever heard of slander??? Some people never recover from slander!
DeleteEmotional abuse goes beyond insults. Threats, intimidation, withholding of affection. and denial of the abuse itself are all forms of emotional. abuse. It is a cycle where the culprit pretends to change when the victim threatened to leave but never does.
ReplyDeleteI was a slim fellow but childbirth and breastfeeding made me fat. This is my 8th month after childbearing, but my hubby use any opportunity to tell me how fat my thighs are, I exercise 4 times a week...he will complain that it's only my tommy that is going down!!! I don't regret having my bundle of joy....
ReplyDeleteDon’t mind these men as if they carry fit 6 pack physique around.
DeleteIt’s all about your baby.
Take it easy, my daughter is 1 year now and its only now that my weight is dropping, no gym or any exercise.
DeleteIf he has pot belly tell him to go to the gym too if he’s not seeing his mate with 6 pack
DeleteEmotional abuse isn't just about saying negative words what about men who keep malice with their wife over little things,stays as long as a month or over.in as much as u try to press the ignore button,it messes u up emotional n psychological being that u didn't grow up in such an environment
ReplyDeleteWhy would you keep malice with your husband for even 24hours, if he doesn't wanna talk to you, you talk to him. Try to spark up discussion, at night, in bed, anyhow. Except if he's like someone I know, who will never talk to you, no matter how hard you try. Except if she needs something, she makes the request and lock up again. I don't wanna go back to that lifestyle at all.
DeleteYou talk, he doesn’t reply. You greet, he won’t answer. You make food, he won’t eat. Denies you money, sex, affection at will.you beg, beg, beg, nothing
DeleteThe other day we had an argument with hubby and then he called me shameless and i called him big for nothing,i felt bad and had to apology though he did not apologise to me,since then i just ignore his words.
ReplyDeletePlease can someone define emotional abuse?
ReplyDeleteIt's any action...verbal or otherwise that degrades you, makes you feel useless, that you are worth nothing and tears your self esteem off you.
DeleteI hope that covers it
I think omo Ghana has explained it quite well up there. Emotional abuse entails all he said up there in his comment.
DeleteStella I'm a victim of emotional abuse, my hubby dont fail to call me hard luck when ever there is misunderstanding between us, I gave him a beautiful daughter yet he keeps reminding me how things never worked for him since we got married and how he is regretting his decision of been my hubby, I love him so much that I keep asking myself if it is a mutual feelings, how can some one that loves you hurts you verbally when there is misunderstanding. My hubby has successfully fixed me in a depressive mood. Wish I can come out clean.
ReplyDeleteCan’t you give his words back to him????
DeleteTell him it’s not u that it’s him that’s the problem
DeletePlease respond that he is your GREATEST REGRET in life when next he tries to run you down.He will be shocked!
DeleteStop complaining if you are not ready to do anything about it. just know that your daughter deserves to grow up better than you and your husband. Whatever weird decision that keeps you in marriage d**k money et al always reason how it will affect your child /children when you choose to stay in an abusive marriage.
DeleteStella I'm a victim of emotional abuse, my hubby dont fail to call me hard luck when ever there is misunderstanding between us, I gave him a beautiful daughter yet he keeps reminding me how things never worked for him since we got married and how he is regretting his decision of been my hubby, I love him so much that I keep asking myself if it is a mutual feelings, how can some one that loves you hurts you verbally when there is misunderstanding. My hubby has successfully fixed me in a depressive mood. Wish I can come out clean.
ReplyDeleteI am a victim. Verbal abuse, threats and intimidation, isolation from friends and family,financial control,denial of abuse and claiming that I made him do whatever he did,etc. With time I have learnt to talk back. In fact he fears my words now. He had such a bad upbringing that he does not even know it is wrong. He thinks he is being macho.
ReplyDeleteAnd you want your kids to grow up in such toxic environment so as to continue the cycle? Well done ooooooooooo
DeleteAnd you want your kids to grow up in such toxic environment so as to continue the cycle? Well done ooooooooooo can't you see he has turned you into the verbal and abusive person he is?????????
DeleteExactly, that’s the problem, Angel. To survive, the woman will have to turn abusive herself. And nonchalant and ready to fbe the back with words and emotional abuse of her own.... and then the growing up in that house will repay the cycle all over again
DeleteSigh
I'm going anon on this
ReplyDeleteI've grown in my marriage, I've really grown. I'm no longer the easygoing, no grudges and no hidden agenda girl that got married, I'm now wiser, smarter and I won't take shit from any person. My voice is my power and nobody will take it away from me.
6 years of marriage and I've been accused of sooo many things because of no child. If not that I got married as a Virgin and that world class specialists have medically certified me 100% ok (thank you Jesus) I would have been accused that it's the abortions that I did that is making it impossible for me to get pregnant.
I was then accused of been an ogbanje (shebi no medical thing to hang on to) then spirit husband infact I was weak. I dropped almost 10kg in a month. Me ogbanje? Spirit husband? That I had children in the spirit world? infact orishirisi!
I was broken! I felt betrayed! I contemplated suicide! I felt useless. How on earth can I have spiritual issues of this magnitude and I won't have an inkling? In my almost 30 years on earth? I attend a bible believing church, I'm a born again Christian to the core! My world turned upside down, that the husband who the doctors have told that it was his zero sperm count that is the problem instead of submitting to the medical advise given on how to boost it a bit then we can go for ivf rather started going from one lying prophet to another and from one cele church to another all to say that it's me that is the root of the problem. He stopped talking to me, stopped communicating, became very cold, started using all manner of white garment church nonsense in the house (things that I've never seen before in my life!), talked to me anyhow the time he deemed it fit to, treated me like shit etc
I swallowed that emotional abuse for months then I woke up one day and I said "enough is enough"! If heaven wants to fall let it fall, if the marriage wants to end let it end, if I hear one more lie from the pit of hell against me ever again I'm taking a walk and I won't look back.
Thank God for my mom and family who refused to let me slip away because I was already gone. I am an introvert to the core and that didn't help issues.
But nowadays I don't keep quiet any more ooo. The day he mistakenly talked to me anyhow (thinking na so e still dey), I told that he's a bloody impotent bastard and that unless he wants to father children that is not his from another woman because I'm taking a walk and I won't look back, he better sit up and take the doctors advise for his own good. He looked shell shocked. The shock of those words formatted his brain. Make we know the one that will pain pass.
I found my voice, it gave me power, I discovered God in a way I've never experienced Him before, I knelt before God (and rekindled my prayer alter) and vowed never to kneel before any man my husband inclusive ever again to plead for what I know nothing about. it's still a walk in progress, we are not there yet but he's a better man today. Much better.
He has discovered that I won't be ridden anyhow. I have a blooming career and a very healthy account balance, still young and not a liability and that I can afford to walk away if the marriage threatens my happiness and wellbeing again and that submission and love should not be taken for stupidity nor for granted. We will be going for ivf by month end (something he swore never to do), his sperm count has been boosted by injections and medications (the doctors were quite shocked how well the treatment went) and God willing , I will carry my child & that will forever silence every tongue that lied aginst me and nearly took a man that loved me away.
Just negodu
DeleteSomeone that treated you that way and you still remained there. Watch how he will start again when you have your baby. That time he will know you can't go anywhere again.
Dont mind her. That money she has will finish on ivf. Although not easy to start again though
Delete👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏yes Mama and God will fill ur house with kids👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
DeleteNice one!!!! Nobody has monopoly of .Bad mouth
DeleteHe treated you this way and you think after a child,it will stop?lol. Good luck sha
Delete@20:45 is it your prayer that her money will finish on ivf? Did this person ever offend you? Some of you have very evil hearts!!
DeletePoster Dont mind them oh! Some of them are going through worse and chopping it, with beatings sef and poverty like icing on cake. Do your IVF and give birth if thats what makes you fulfilled. Who says you cant walk away even with a child, if you choose to?
💖 💜 💛 you have said it all
Delete100 likes for this. I was just grinning reading this. God will silence every lieing tongue.
DeleteThe father of my daughter is a professional verbal abuser, if there is a word lyk dat. He call me senseless, daft, stupid, prostitute, slut, ashawo, bitch, witch, bad luck. And many more, attimes I jst sit and wonder if I am actually bad luck. It's jst crazy dealing with someone like that, days later he comes back to apologise that it's cos he loves me soo much, that's why he gets really abusive and defensive.
ReplyDeleteSo when will u stand up to him
DeleteAnd your fish brain accepted
DeleteAnd you still let him have access to you to continue the insults?????????😢😬😡😱😲😰😩 poster must you be with any yamayama man to form I got a man? You better let him go then build your self esteem back and teach your daughter right. Receive divine sense to know that you and your daughter deserve better so the cycle does not continue with your daughter xo.
DeleteAnd you still let him have access to you to continue the insults?????????😢😬😡😱😲😰😩 poster must you be with any yamayama man to form I got a man? You better let him go then build your self esteem back and teach your daughter right. Receive divine sense to know that you and your daughter deserve better so the cycle does not continue with your daughter xo.
DeleteIn my own case i was the abuser.Verbal abuse is worst than physical abuse,it kills faster.I am really the type that dont hide my feelings.If you do me wrong,i must have to confront you.I wonder the kind of spirit that possessed me back then.
ReplyDeleteI was constantly abusing my hubby back then.i was picking on every fault he has,calling him useless,illiterate and so many other hurtful words.I abuse his family because mine is more wealthier than theirs,so most times he responds and curse me back too,and sometimes he ignores me.I never knew he was piling up his anger towards me,and waiting for the day he will unleash it..Then one day, i started my unneccessary bickering again,this time it was in his business place.I never expected what i saw that day.This man slapped me eeh,i was shocked because i never expected it.I retaliated back and hooked him and refused to let go and guy man was busy slapping my face to let go and i finally did.Thank God my face was not disfigured with those slaps..That day i got home packed my bags,ready to leave the next day.Guy man came back and refused to apologise or even look at my face.The next day i flee.I left north to east.This man didnt call me or any of my family members to know my way about.He locked up and ghosted me for10 months.Those 10 months was the worst years in my life,though i got a low job after and was managing...
To be continued!..I don tire
Ladies please desist from verbal abuse.Na verbal abuse dey cause physical abuse ooh.80% of verbal abuse are the main cause of every domestic violence cases.Now i have turned a new leaf and i don't abuse my hubby again.I correct him with love these days.
To be honest my home is peaceful now and i'm enjoying my marriage like never before.Being a domineering woman doesnt pay.
Come and continue oooooo
DeleteFollowing
DeleteHappy for you 👏👏
Delete...and they say factory resetting slap doesnt help.
DeleteMe I don't know if mine is a problem or if I don't just know how society works because I seem to say alot of hurtful things to people without even knowing that I am. Honestly I just think it's unavoidable to hurt people's feelings. For example I sometimes say things like you are looking darker or you added and people get offended I don't know why. Or when someone asks my opinion and I give it to them genuinely. They seem to get offended. Oluwa help me oh! And I know the things I am telling them won't offend me if someone said it to me
ReplyDeleteThen bridle ur tongue
DeleteHahhaa! I am like that too. I can be very blunt to a point that it hurts others. I think the thing is not saying everything that comes to your mind. Trust me people think worse things than you do, but dont say it. When you are bold enough to say it, you become the bad guy. So youre not a bad person, you just have to know that not everyone should have access to whats in your head. And sometimes when asked a question dont answer. If they ask you why, tell them they wont like your answer and you are not in the mood to be misunderstood today.
Delete💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💜 💜 💜 💜 💜 💜 💜 💜 💜 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛 💛
DeleteI'm suffering emotional abuse presently from my dad after suffering both from my husband. Emotional abuse can kill slowly, physical abuse can kill suddenly. Mine own started after I had my child, husband will talk to me anyhow, abuse me and my family members. Call me names and when I start crying he will ask wo beat you? I did not touch you o. Later he started beating me. My people said I should endure, then he stab me with knife, I ran out with my child, neighbors helped, I snapped the wound pictures and went to my fathers house. My father said I should not go back when he saw the wound. After I was heal, my father started cussing me saying I should go back to my husband house that he can't be taking care of us. I have a handwork but it is not easy to start afresh in my fathers place. so my father abused me till I went back to my husband. Unbelievable, he has packed out and no one knows where he moved to. I went back again to my father. it is fire now everyday. I cry from emotional abuse, my own father. Anyone that see the pictures of the stab wounds will just open their mouth. My mum is separated from him and doesn't want anything to do with us children. I suffer everyday in my fathers house. I feed myself and son and school fees, I'm owing. I work a menial job that pay less than 10k. If I apply for nanny job, they said imy son cannot be with me on the job, where will I keep him? Small boy of 3yrs plus. I am now hypertensive, young woman of less than 30. sad typing this.
ReplyDeleteWow....if u can just leave to a friends place to start life again, since u get handwork things will be alright with u....sorry about it
DeleteAsk for advance from your employer and take him to school. Many daycares around now...
DeleteI think you had an abusive father, so you ended up with an abusive husband. You grew up with emotional abuse so a part of you starts to think its normal. Quite sad.
DeleteMine is mental abuse and being taken for granted. I will finish hubby. I am coming!!!
ReplyDeletePlease don't kill him. Just walk away.
DeleteBecause of my quiet nature, I have been a victim of emotional abuse from people. People just feel they can talk down at you cos you are a gentle soul. Working on changing a lot of things about me. Time does heal some wounds
ReplyDeleteEmotional abuse? Na. Talking to me is like talking to a wall. When a lady starts verbal abuse, I know that I won. It is a champagne of victory bc to unleash your verbal venom means that I stirred the most hurtful aspect of your life.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a narcissist! This is exactly the way they reason. They press your hot buttons and relax and watch you burn. I don't envy the one involved with you.
Delete