Hmmmm..........
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
THE BLACK SHEEP
This chronicle is about my brother and his wife ,with the wife's permission to share.
My brother had a love child some 17years ago and the child has been leaving with my parents since then until about a month ago when they couldn't take it anymore.
This boy has been trouble since his birth, from stealing my mum's money,phones and other gadgets to going outside to steal ,gamble in fact all the bad behaviors are in him. Because of the amount of money he steals business isn't the same for my parents and they aren't getting any younger.
he was banned from the shop and this boy goes to the extent of breaking door locks just to steal money. Do I remind you that he doesn't know anything in school, very dull with the worst grades ever. He even failed his waec woefully.
He had started bring disgrace into the house so we sent him to his father last month.
He had started bring disgrace into the house so we sent him to his father last month.
Now to the issue on ground, my brother lives with his wife, three daughters and the wife's family friend of about 12years (a girl). She has been with them for 2years now.
We discovered the boy and this girl have been having it intimate. She said he forced her the first time and they have been having it since then.
My brother's wife has be distraught since then, she wants the boy out of her house but my brother says his son isn't leaving his house. He is even blaming the young girl for not reporting the incident the first time meaning she was enjoying it too. She even threatened to move out of the house if he is not going to send the boy away and to my disappointment my brother told her to move with her kids because his son has come to stay.
She doesn't know what to do,she can't sustain herself and 3 kids if she moves out and she is so scared the boy may harm her girls if she doesn't take action to send him out of her home.
My parents don't want him back either.
I suggested they took him to his mother and her family but this family have never even cared to buy pampers talk less of even checking up on him.
She needs a solution because she is really loosing her sleep over this.
Is there a diagnosis for this boy's behaviour? because we have tried to give him all the parental care and support these past years and there is still no sign of improvement.
*Oh dear,this is really very dicey and i dont know what to say..First thing is first,let your sis in law be sure NEVER to leave her kids at home with him....
As for your brother,it seems he is the type that prefers the Boy child over the girl child other wise why claim the boy as his and refer to the girls as his wife's kids.
This matter if not handled properly can actually collapse their marriage so wisdom is needed.
The boy is 17 now, let him go stay with the mom for Christ's sake. Your brother is just not doing it right with his decision. This is tight and I pray there's a solution to it
ReplyDeletePoster the boy worsened like this because of his father, your brother was not a good father to get married and still leave his child. He suddenly realised he has a son because his wife didn't birth one, all this one he's doing is fake love, if that boy just sells his car or steals big money from him he'll kick him out immediately.
DeleteHowever my pity is on your in-law she should not take chances with her daughters and that girl,send the girl back home or to another relative and put your daughters quickly into boarding house. This boy has realised that his untouchable so he will continue to do more wonders in the future.
But I would also suggest that they send him to a camp for intensive drilling for like 3 months to reset his brain small.
Show of love, discipline and prayers will help that boy!
DeleteIf he is sent away, it will make him worst and as for the girl has slept with, what have to Done to help her psychologically? As for your brother's wife, she should keep an eye on her daughters.
Your brother's wife too did not put her eyes down very, that was why the boy was able to have his way with the girl, 12yrs old should have been given sex education, she is not also close to that girl, that was why the girl could not confide in her.
This is a time for her to be close to her daughters and give them sex education that is appr5for there age.
She actually has to compromise o, at the end of the day that’s his fathers house, I am sorry but your parents must have pet the hell out of him for him to be this way and now they want to take him to his father.
DeleteNow let them come together and discuss, she should let her hubby know that as long as he wants his son around, he should be in charge of disciplining him, he is a man, he should stand up to his son, and give him adequate purnishments, he should also let his son know that he can’t disrespect his wife. And whatever the decide together is final. He should never disrespect his wife in the presence of his son, and never let the boy know he was chosen over his step mum.
The girl he raped should be taken to see the doc and should be educated about sex, I will say remove her from the house, she should be taken care of from afar.
Her daughters should be closely watched, cus they deserve to be protected by their father as well. She needs to talk to her hubby
Your sister in law should just relocate to your parents oh. When she needs sex,she goes home to hubby recharge and leave.
DeleteI don't want to read other pples comment ,so i don't get biased.
Delete1st of,the undertone... sounds like u have given up and didn't try for this poor child, 2nd put urself in his shoes( Abandoned for a fault that was not his, dumped for Granny's to care for) how wld u fell if u were this child? 3rd male kids wen not raised firmly cld go south, although is God that trains children....
Now may I ask u? What input did u put in this child's upbringing? U r so quick to list his vices:judgmental much, did u try enrolling him in church activities? Did u care enough? Or u left him with grannies ,After all na Oloshi woman born am....
I can't say its too late, but he is already having sex! Did u care enough to teach him abt sex? Obviously No! But u cared so much to chronicle it here okwanuya? smh
Now to ur sis- in-law, the earlier she starts taking that boy as his own son,d best for her and her marriage, I do not advice her 2 expose him to her girls but young man seems sensible enough to leave d girls and hump d HELP.
Let her take him for church councils, engage him with a trade since u said he is poor academically,keep him busy 24/7 let her do what she wld do ,if it were her own son.
U sef help out!!! There is so much negativity in ur tone. Help and stop judging him cos his mum left , u know whether ur brother RAPE d mama???? U don't know
Use Gods mind and trade carefully having in mind ur sister inlaw girl children r involved. Best of luck
You husband has failed to give the boy security and fatherly training and there’s sadly not much you can do about it. First off protect your girls and let them know what their nephew is capable of. Give them sex education and have their room locked at night. Keep extra watchful eyes on them and raise alarm if he tries anything on your girls. I shudder to think wot will happen if there isn’t any “outside” girl available in your home since he is now sexually active.
DeleteTry to get close to the troublesome boy and truly care about his daily activities. Talk to him frequently, give him more food and allowance and then after a while you can lovingly suggest that he relocates to go and hustle. At this time, your husband will believe you have his best interest and might oblige.
It’s a pity your husband is not helping matters. He doesn’t seem to understand that not having a son is better than having one that will shame his name and if care is not taken, this maybe the case.
as in at @Zeus you are so right.
Deletewho leaves a child till the age of 17 at home with grand parents? you have your own blood your own child whom you left with grandparents but you can take in a family friends 12 year old to take care of. how long ago did he get married? before he had those his children why did he not take the child back? the problem in Nigeria is that people seem to think children are just children and they cant reason. don't you think he knows he was abandoned? trust Nigeria the parents might have even been making jibes, family members would have been saying their own too. if you were man enough to marry you should have been man enough to take that child home!
to the question on ground. why was there no sex education at age 12. that is jss2 for goodness sake. let the wife make sure she has sex education with her girls so he cannot try anything. make them know they must report any thing. the boy needs therapy. this can come from weekly one to one sessions with his father. let them go out once or twice a week and talk for an hour teach him about his responsibilities, expectations his dreams and goals. coach him about consent, women, the future etc. he might just want the acknowledgement of his dad. the boy should go nowhere.
The reason for his behavior is neglect and lack of proper home training. I’m sure he showed these tendencies a little boy but it was overlooked. Statistics show that kids raised by grandparents are usually spoilt or act funny compared to kids who were raised by their actually parents or younger care givers. You see his father shouldn’t have left him so long with his grandparents, they get so old and do not have the strength to raise kids of these days the way they raised theirs.
ReplyDeleteYour sister in law is in her right to be worried and upset but this her excuse of not have a means to sustain herself if she leaves won’t be an issue when and if that boy decides to test the waters with her kids. It’s unfair that his father is blaming the molested girl instead of his son who should be taught a bitter lesson. He is a rapist and should be treated as such. He should be made to pay for his crime else he’d grow up thinking it’s normal when it’s not. I feel sorry for his victim and the poor girl should be taken away from that house back to her parents, it’s unfair to blame her for that silly boy’s crime. Your sister in law should stop giving excuses and leave. Why is the same boy suddenly important to her hubby? Is it because she bore three girls? She should leave (I know she won’t) but calling his bluff would have him running like an headless chicken when this boy faces jungle justice from getting caught stealing or raping someone else’s child.
There are no such statistics. You are making up stuff
DeleteRapist?
DeleteWhere you there?
A girl will always lie when casala blow so she seems good.
That boy wont try to test his sisters. He needs guardians
Anon 15:20
DeleteHe's not making up stuff,its the truth. Grandparents don't have the energy to discipline a teenager.it was overlooked as a child and he grew up with it without being stopped. Grandparents usually pamper kids so they don't notice things until the child is grown and too stubborn to tame
It is true that kids who are raised by grandparents have an abherrant behavior compared to kids raised by their own parents, I don't have statistical facts though.
DeleteThis kids being raised by grandparents ish no follow o.
DeletePeople can always try their best as parents. It is only just God that can direct those kids the right path. Let me use my cousins we grew up together as examples. I started living with them when my father died so more like siblings.
But I still went to stay with my mother holidays.
Our training, every thing was the same. Although my uncle was very wealthy. Had a house abroad were we spent summer and Xmas. We went to good private schools. But he was very strict. We had to do well in school,no boyfriends,dress decent and we all had chores. There was a cook and two maids but we the kids did our rooms and parlour upstairs.
The first of us was a book worm,in her life she never came 2nd,she even reads in the holidays when we are playing, she was a born again,she graduated 2.1 Mech Eng etc. Now the 3rd child is complete opposite,he was a problem from when we were young,from stealing his father's money,to smoking to bad gang not going to school etc. They even removed him from private school and put him in a military school. While the rest of us hardly get cained. He was disciplined for every bad behaviour. At the end he even dropped out of university abroad and the father disowned him.
Now this boy isn't a first born,isn't only son,isn't last born either. He is the 3rd.
We all graduated from university,doing well in our jobs,married and all turned out extremely well.
Why now didn't he turn out well.do we blame the parents,who were disciplinarian at the same time still loving Christian parents. Do we blame them when they did their absolute best. And one out of 6 plus other kids they raised just like their's turned out well ? Sometimes you don't spoil kids,you caution them daily,give them love at same time and they still turn out bad. How come ?
I grew up with my granny, and she was very strict. I think it depends. I turned out just fine...My parents were in the USA. They came for us later though. Why wasn't the kids living with your brother and his wife though?
DeleteI repeat, it is ONLY GOD on heaven that directs children's footsteps!!!! Military parents o, pastors kids o, principal children o, my pple na GOD o!!!!
DeleteDo u know how mannnnnny pastors kids that r head cult boys???? Some Granny's self no dey do NOTHING, yet the kids in dir care turn out OK. My pple na chukwu o. Nothing more nothing less
Conduct disorder - @poster probable diagnosis
DeleteYour sister in Law, her daughters and that girl should be weary of that boy.
ReplyDeleteI wish she can fend for herself and daughters alone so she can give your brother Space
If that boy was your son, will you be happy that another woman sent him out of his father's house?
DeleteU if u hv baby girls at home, will u be com4table havn that know if boy around?
Deletethe apple doesn't fall far from the tree!...
ReplyDeleteI’m sure he inherited his behaviors from your brother or the mother!...
The people that spoil children are grand parents!..
They are the worst people to raise a child!...
That’s why I detest people getting pregnant and giving birth before marriage!...
If I were you brother’s wife,I know how to handle such people!
What are pigeons for???...
Hahaha@ Pigeons
DeleteFor knacking on the head hahahahahahah
DeleteBlack sheep syndrome usually occurs in polygamous family and often seen more in males who tend to follow the behavioral pattern of their father.
DeleteMost times they end up in drug abuse, sexual dysfunction, school drop out with some psychological behaviors rooted in some deep inherited family curses.
This kind of attitude usually starts in troubled polygamous homes or in separated marriages where they are being brought up by grandparents who initially portray they love them but only to neglect them later in life with the resultant effect of such adverse vices the kids pick up along.
What's the solution? Care,love and education with a strong spiritual upbringing rooted in the word of God backed by prayers unrelently.
Hahahaha 😂😁😀
Deletemadam please my main concern are you girls. Please I am pleading with you, be vigilant. Do not ever live them on their own, do not ever allow them go to bed at night without you sleeping in the same room with them. Simply put, your children are at high risk.
ReplyDelete... she wont go to work or market again? Anything wey go happen go still happen...m na just 10mins needed, but he wont try such with his sisters.
DeleteAnon 15:51 so you are happy he tried it with another person's child. If she is your sister will you say this?
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThat he goat is someone's son. That boy needs love.
DeleteWill u just shut up already!!! Bet u and be saying this if u were that 12 yr olds mum
DeleteJeez!!! This is dicey, all I know is that as for me i will dare not leave my girl child with him unsupervised. This world sef.
ReplyDeleteThe boy needs fatherly love and it's so wrong for your sis in law to ask the boy to leave his father's house. There are so many ways to kill a rat. I doubt that boy will want to try shit with his sisters,he needs to be sat and talked to. The wife should be more watchful. But no asking her husband to send the boy away. Good luck to them
ReplyDeleteMy dear that boy will sleep with his sisters remember an step dey be ohh pls send him back to his mother and for her hubby pls he should a DNA test to be sure that's really his son
DeleteYou doubt the boy would want to try it with his sisters,can you even hear yourself at all.Even fathers sleeps with their daughters we hear it everyday,talk more of that irresponsible boy, he would someday.Madam pls b careful with your girls and there are places for boys like this, like school or institution.convince your husband to take him there,lets see if it would have an effect on him but you telling the father the boy should go would only breed issues.apply wisdom
DeleteThis yeye Bbjac just be a paedophile too
DeleteExactly bbjac, let the boy know that in that house respect is paramount, and he must be respectful both to his mum and dad, that way he has no choice. Is your brother not bigger than him? When he beats him blue black he will conform.
DeleteYour sis inlaw wasn’t supposed to start with threats, so the boy will not be feeling cool that his father chose him over her, they would have discussed privately, anyway it’s not too late, treat him with love and he will change
The buck falls on the biological father to make sure the boy is well disciplined, or else all hell may break loose in that household. This is just sad. Prayers and fasting is also needed here. That boy needs help in all areas because he has to relearn the right social behaviours. But the root is discipline and seeking God's help.
DeleteAlso the boy needs to be shown love in as much as he is being disciplined. This is tough, but there is nothing too hard for God.
DeleteYou all caused the issue.The child lacks love and support .Why didn't he go stay with his father when he got married?Thd way u are talking about the boy like he is an outcast .
ReplyDeleteI am not in support of the boy's behavior ,he seems like a neglected child.The woman that wants the child out of the house where do they want him to go to since ur parents dnt want him...in the street so he can eventually become a full time rapist and arm robber ?.
That boy needs help,all of u are selfish to the boy .He lacks home training and family love.You people to talk to him ,instill in him serious discipline and show him love.The way u even wrote about the boy I'm sure u hate him too.
If your sisters 17 year old son slept with a friend staying in the house, would she think her other children are in danger? There's no reason to think he'll also sleep either his siblings. It looks like the family friend unfortunately has to go. It was a bad idea to bring the 17 year old son home and keep him around non family girl. Next what's really his next step in life. A 17 year old should be planning for University anyway .the father can't send him away one more time. He's been thru enough abandonment .it's not that he doesn't like the other kids, he's calling his wife's bluff cause she's threatening that it's either this child or her. You cant win that fight.
ReplyDeleteHaven't u read about father's sleeping with their daughter's? Talk more of step/half brothers.
DeleteYour writing pattern just weak me.
Delete16:01 same mother and father siblings sleep with each other. Why not raise all of them separately. If you don't have evidence of such, u can't separate the boy from the family. Your job as a parent is to be vigilant
DeleteThe villain here is your brother. Yes, he made a mistake by bringing in a child to the world when he wasn't ready but the greatest mistake was keeping this boy away from his life. Just like in the case of a "babymama", he would have told whoever was marrying him that he would be a mother to this boy.
ReplyDeleteThe child's rebellious ways is just a suppressed anger of lacking "his parent's" care that he is letting out. As for raping you nieces, it is simply a matter of time; he will do it, if he hasn't begun fingering them already. He feels he has nothing to lose.
The solution: is to accommodate him and begin to parent him. It might sound late but that is the way forward. And pray that God will have mercy. The "12 year old family friend's child" is "the outsider here" if the woman of the house wants to think wholesomely. She has to reason with your brother about her fears for her children and both of them should live with what they created.
You said the simple truth on this case.
DeletePoster your brother is the one to blame in everything
If girls will actually visit this blog and learn, if you are marrying a man, bring in his child and parent him/her. Create what you want as this person's character and the child will call you mommy. When you begin to have your kids, they will blend and just know him as the older brother. This life is simple but the greed of human's make it complex.
ReplyDeleteIt's not true. Sometimes better they are raised by their mother because in my experience, nothing will do for that child is ever as good as what you did for your own kids. It's a tough situation and there are no hood answers
Delete@anonymous 15:54
DeleteSo who will tell the child that you aren't the mother?
You are not the only one in his life. Most hear of it from other family members and some from school sef. Hiding g that you're not the mother is a waste of time
DeleteThis your advise will pass if the child's mum is late but in a situation where the mum is still alive ,it cannot work.
DeleteWatch ur girls like a hawk...
ReplyDeleteLet DAT boy not be d death of your brother, that's how he will graduate to armed robbery.
He needs discipline... Strong one.
....any small thing marriage women will thteaten to leave the marriage, oya leave na, you still de?? I like your husband for callin ur bluff! He should kick out his flesh n blood so u'd sleep well abi? do you consider how he will sleep if the boy turns armed robber? Yes the boy own no good, but he wont harm or molest his sisters (ur daughters)... that boy need serious gaurdians and u want to throw him to the lions!!! Just be careful dealing with him and keep a close eye on ur daughters....
ReplyDeleteLast Last send ur friends daughter away.... shes not family, that wayward boy is famiy!! If ur daughter misbehaves wouldnt u find a way???
He won't molest?..........as the vision seer that you are na
DeleteYes he wont molest his sisters... if he had that in mind, he'd have shown signs of small small touch touch by now. The mother should caution her kids and keep an open eye.
DeleteVery complex situation. Madam please make sure your girl are never alone with him.. lock their room at night or better still sleep with them. Send your family friend home after thorough counselling. May God heal your home
ReplyDeletePoster, your brother is not totally biased in his decision. Let's be fair with that boy, it wasn't his fault to be born out of wedlock and he really need fatherly image at this point in his life which will also help him to turn a new leaf. The only challenge is that your brother is taking it too personal without considering his daughters in case anything goes wrong.
ReplyDeleteYour SIL too is not over reacting. She's just watching out for her girls. But the truth is that the boy needs his father and family love. All of the need to compromise and look for a lasting solution for that boy to improve positively.
Tell your brother to call his nuclear family together for a family heart to heart meeting. Let him ananlyse the situation to everyone and tell his son to sit up because they have to seek for help for him. That boy needs counselling , love, prayer and attention. No body should write him off now because by the time he changes all of you will enjoy him. Let your sister in law calm down and look for a way to assist that boy and also be vigilant and careful with her girls.
May God bring lasting solutions to your family.
She shld jus manage, but anytime d boy misbehave again, she shld jus get army men 2 lock him up and discipline 4 jus 3days wen he cums out his eyes Wil clear or he Wil run away
ReplyDeleteThe diagnosis is CONDUCT DISORDER... Will most likely progress to ANTISOCIAL disorder.
ReplyDeleteYou will have to work with a mental health professional /psychiatrist on this
I fully agree with you, his case is deep, he needs help mentally and spiritually.
DeletePoster
ReplyDeleteA 12 year old girl is a child and should not be molested by anybody. I understand several reasons people are giving to defend the boy but please , grandparents raising a child is not equal to being badly raised. Some well to do and well raised children were brought up by their grandparents. Before we quote statistics, let's give a better reference. Who conducted such study? How did they come about their findings?
We need to stop excusing silly behaviors that can come back and bite us. That child may not have been raised by his parents but he surely was not neglected. We can categorize children raised in orphanages as neglected but not him. Still, most of those children turned out well.
Its time for the father to stop spoiling him because he is spoilt and he knows it. The father ought to start disciplining him . Maybe the father is overcompensating for all those years he was not living with him but the deed has been done. The father has to enforce rules, take him for counselling, watch him like a hawk, engage him to learn a skill. Keep him busy. Taking him to the mother is not the best option. Also excusing his behavior because he is the only son is not the best because he will cause more sorrows for the father if care is not taken. Also insulting his wife in the presence of that boy is the worst thing he can ever do because he just gave the boy the permission to run amok. He needs to talk to the wife, let them be patient with the boy, apply all measures, pray for him and watch him. He needs to take that family friend to see a doctor, take her to her parents and let them know what happened.
Your brother needs to call the son and let him know clearly that on no account should he molest his sisters because to be fair, that guy will molest his sisters, he will. He will definitely molest the sisters if they don't nip that in the bud immediately.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Poster your brother should read this.
DeletePoster your brother should read this.
DeleteThis is why this baby daddy and mama shit USB’s a no-no for me. You can be bringing in a. Hold with ancestral and psychological problems into your home to affect your own children. Can you imagine how this lady will face the parents of that 12yr old now? That is if he has not started on her children.
ReplyDelete