STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
HUSBAND THAT CHANGES WHEN MONEY APPEARS
I'm sorry for derailing but I just have to pour out my mind,and I'll rather do it here where no one can use it against me tomorrow.My husband is a good person but he has a very bad money habit.
I've noticed that whenever he has a huge amount of money,he changes,normally we do things as a couple and whenever my money comes in,we agree on what to do with it and that's what's done,but him???
There's this huge contract we have been praying for for a while now,it came in on Friday and we were ecstatic in fact I shed tears of Joy cos I'm five months gone and i felt at least we could start getting baby things only for my hubby to become Mr "lots of things to do" this is not the first time he is doing this whenever he is broke we rely on my money and plan with it but when he gets money, he goes flexing with friends till the money is exhausted and he has nothing to show for it,then he is humble and lives off my savings.
I am just pissed with the way he is acting right now,whenever I ask him anything pertaining to money now, he'll be like why am I interrogating him and I'll be shocked like is this not the same man that we planned for this money together. I really just want to chill and see if he will actually finish this money on frivolities without dropping anything for baby things then hmmmm.....We have been married for only 6 months.
Please Seniors in marriage is this the way men are cos I remember Stellz saying two people you can't advise: A man with money and a woman in love.
*This isnt how it is supposed to be and this behaviour is wrong.
How can a man marry and not be responsible?I dont get it!
Not fair at all, you can't feign sickness na.
ReplyDeleteOkokobioko..just six months and chronicle has landed already. Madam carry your cross ooh,may God see you through. At leat you're married and not single. So console yourself with your diamond wedding band.
DeleteLol, I know someone with this attitude and it can be frustrating, my friend keeps complaining, next time when you have say you don’t have finish, take yourself out eat and belle full then come home and form hunger let everyone face their money, how can a man not be exited about shopping for his first child? Take heart but naso marriage be, you get to see what you dint expect
DeleteMy dear poster ,pls be careful, same thing happened to me.I was 32weeks no single baby item except the feeding bottle cooler that I bought.that faithful morning I asked leboo for money for baby things as usual he said he didn't have I told him time was already approaching and very soon I won't be able to go to market,that's how it degenerated to argument and he pushed me. That's how me I just vex carried the little change I had to go to nnyaya Wednesday market .I just picked a few secondhand baby clothes before you know it that's how my water broke in the market.this happened 2months ago.I called him n he started running helter skelter. I had to give birth prematurely. Thank God she's okay. Just don't disturb yourself about husband issue until you put to bed.I was also keeping malice with him all cos of money issue, and all this stress triggered my early delivery. It is well with us women
DeleteHow can two people marry without having trust for each other?
DeleteWhat really do you folks discuss in courtship or is it just sex, sex, which is wrong?
So many ladies are too wedding and conception focused to ever consider the basic discussions of
success in marriage. Now you've wedded and conceived and the issues start popping up. When one says "spouse" one is talking about "life partner"; husband or wife. If one has chosen above (all men or) ladies to live with "this fellow' as a life partner in love; then love is all about sharing. When one say "my husband's money" or "my money" is it not an anomaly? when one shares everything intimate (including sex); if they can't have funds together; where is the oneness? Hasn't the aim of marriage been defeated? The issue of oneness is in sharing everything. The excuses many give is "I don't trust her to know how much I earn or am worth". If one is a follower of Christ; who did Jesus give "his wallet"; was it not Judas? How much trust did Jesus have for Judas? These are some of the issues that intending spouses should define in courtship.
On a personal note; my husband and I had a common "account" from the moment I accepted to marry him. He decided to put me in charge of every financial spending. He makes contributions and there is no issues about that. There is no account that we have had since marriage that bears one person's name and the mandate is "either to sign". WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT "HIS MONEY" "MY MONEY" hasn't the purpose of marriage been defeated?
Finances usually breeds quarrel among couples and the taste of the pudding is in the eating. Married for more than a decade an NEVER ARGUED is our testimony by the grace of God. When there is concealment of finances, the lady makes demands, suspect the husband of keeping a concubine etc. But when the two are open to each other in the way described above; thee will be no room for mutual suspicion!
A couple we know lived financially apart. The man is reasonably well to do but the wife dared not ask or "take his money". He gave her "handout" of money from time to time; monthly allowances etc. All his businesses were solely in his name. He took ill and his doctor gave him a damning health verdict and he had a surgery fixed. He knew that he may not come out of the theater alive. He quickly summoned his wife and took her to all his accounts and made it Joint and she could sign. Made his kids 'next of kin" in all the accounts and re-registered all his businesses with the wife's name inclusive. Even the financial aspect of the surgery and bills, the wife was in charge. He told her, "If I do not come out of the theater alive, sell all the exotic cars and keep just two" etc. IT WAS NO LONGER AN ISSUE OF THE WIFE TAKING "HIS MONEY"; THE WOMAN WAS IN CHARGE. He confessed certain misdeeds to the lady and they prayed together and he got into the theater. AFTER 9 HOURS OF SURGERY, the news came . . . he survived it! It was this singular experience that changed his attitude towards family finances as concerns his wife. She knew about every penny that dropped or left the "family business" as it became.
Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions." (Luke twelve vs. fifteen)
Abeg make I perch here
DeleteThe truth is that your hubby is financially irresponsible
Does he belong to social clubs? Host meetings? Is he always doing committee of friends?
People like these tend to compete among themselves. Who bought the most bottles of drinks? Who sprayed the largest wad of naira notes? Its an esteem, ego thing.
Its a habit you need to help him stop. Whether you spend your money on the house or not wont stop him from squandering his money on outings so yo have to be smart/cunning about it.
I wish I could tell you to start hiding your money but even if you do , it wont change him. A business man that does not reinvest his profit has serious issues.
If he does not bring out money for baby things then involve his family : parents or elder ones. Tell them to talk to him to change, else you will assume he is not ready to take care of a family. Make a big issue out of the financial irresponsibility now so that he can be shamed into either sending a specific % of the profits to your account or something similar.
The truth is that a lot of this contractors you see driving big cars upandan, its their wives that are catering for the family. The juicy contracts come once in a while and when they get paid they start repaying loans, appreciating people, changing cars. Before you know it 20 million don finish. Back to square one.
You married a golddigger. He doesn't love you and married you for your own money
DeleteThis sounded like my case but it is the other way round. When up fronts or pfps are paid madam go be master planner but when her own is paid...hmmmm all the things she promised she will do for the house with her allowances go enter voice mail. I no even send am. She just received a huge commission on a contract i helped push for her, she done lock up. Last week i was suppose to transfer 20k to her for something and mistakenly transferred 200, to refund the 180 since last week na palava, abi i go call police for my own wife before she returns the money. It is so frustrating and annoying a times.
DeleteMarriage not easy. 6months is still early to set somethings straight. Use his mumu button to talk some 'sense' into him. Women should be able to know their husbands' mumu button unless you are not smart and doesn't pray for wisdom. Keep your money aside and stop forming independent at this stage, this is the stage of lovey dovey, dress up real good and follow him chop that money with his friends and be sensible enough to decode where to work on.
DeleteAnon 17.31 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteReturn fire....... which woman will return her husband's money back.
She will call it answered prayer..
200k instead of 20k
she should return it actually. These are the things that would make her husband not to trust her.
DeleteThank you Jare Mma Cee, No mind Annon 20:26 with her devil inspired advise, and yes i am a man, a married man.
DeleteHmmm, just within six months the cycle of spend yours keep his has already been established. It is well oh. You have to keep talking to him mono and praying. No marriages are the same. When it comes to money matters, be wise.
ReplyDeleteDear women, stop claiming to have money, no body says you should be independent, but never show it, if you have a certain amount, divide it into 4 places and claim to have quarter, the moment they think you are able to take care of some things, that thing becomes your duty, always say you don’t have, most of a woman’s money should be for her rainy day
DeleteStop sharing all your money with him. Keep for yourself and baby. Unfortunately people like him don't change.
DeleteYou want to chill and see first before reacting? He is selfish and has big eyes. Just 6 months in and he is already showing this nasty character. Darling, you better bark and talk about it with him because between you and I he’d squander that money because he knows he has an “assurance” wife who would submit her earnings to cater for his needs.
ReplyDeleteIf you can help it, stop doing joint spending with him. Let him know that you also know how to spend money and that marriage is a union of two people who have chosen to live together as a team. Also, for the sake of your child you need to do something fast because that man would leave the responsibility to you. I enjoy getting all open with a man who is open with me but when it comes to money matters I am always guarded because money is the root of all evil. I don’t disclose my earnings to my partners and we have an understanding to support each other when and if the need arises. Draw a line now because before you’d know it, many kids after you’d find out you have no savings because you’re the “Head of House” when it comes to expenses but the submissive wife when it comes to him exerting his duties.
His behavior is not okay and should not be condoned. Have a talk with him today and let him know how you feel. If he wants to have a union of “my money is my money” then so be it but first are you the kind of woman who knows how to take a stand? Most of you women end up letting love cloud your judgement. Hence, the reason a lot of men bring nothing to the table. Also, how a man is during courtship is exactly how he’d be after marriage. Open your eyes well before marriage and stop coming to cry months in.
Doppel, i de laugh you always... you think you have all the answers abi?
DeleteMarry first!! E de sweet for mouth until u enter
U did justice. When a woman is clouded with love, nothing the man does that is wrong. He has always been like this and you didn't change that aspect. It's better you draw the line, do not bring out money, this kind of men needs a strong woman.
DeleteWise counsel from the stables of Doppel. You last paragraph is absofuckingly true! 👌
DeleteYou won't blame them now, when Stella is here calling girls that complain that their boyfriends don't give them money "entitlement mentality".
DeleteThey don't want to be entitled to the man's money so this is the result.
This phone is using my head to play kpankpangolo.
Your husband is simply irresponsible. Period
ReplyDeleteMy husband used to be like this until I started doing "do me, I do you".
DeleteHe has straitened up
Married for 6months and all this problems already? Why not sit him down and talk to him down and talk to him... Some people are like that, that's why courtship is necessary before marriage, you get to know your partner.... Please try and get some cahs from him to go get your baby things, before you hear stories that touches ...
ReplyDeleteThis story sounds like mine, im also 6months in marriage and 5months pregnant( well almost 6months preggy now) but on the other hand my husband solely spends when it comes to taking care of the home. I assist as best as i can too. I believe the problem is that he knows he can always rely and fall back to u. Let him know u have “a lot of fins to do” as well, and you are currently on zero balance from bow till baby comes. Stop assisting him else he will continue to behave like a child. He needs to take responsibility asap. You can send me a mail lets connect
ReplyDeleteWhen you ladies will be forming miss independent, you don't know it will result to this?
DeleteNot a matter of forming miss independent. The hubby is purely irresponsible and shameless. I don't understand, how can a ma be so useless and comfortable.
DeleteAmanda go and marry first b4 u talk. He is just irresponsible. Which woman will not support her man in down times?
DeleteLMAO @ 18:31. I've been married for 10 years so it's safe to say I'm a marriage/relationship expert.. 😀😁😀😁😁😁😁
DeleteYou married an irresponsible man and I am sure you knew this before you got married so ENJOY.
ReplyDelete👍🏾
DeleteSharrap!!!!
DeleteAt times, it's not always seen before marriage. In my own case, hubby was doting in the first 4years,then things changed. It wasn't as if he ran into a huge sum of money o but he started lying about his spending and I had to borrow sense and manage mine on my own. Weneva he exhaust his, he will start behaving like a loyal dog and reading Bible so he can get ur attention and money. Very manipulative somebody. But I've mastered his tactics now and I'm always telling him I don't have as he does too. So, poster, u need to be smart about it. He is irresponsible and manipulative!
DeletePoster just say the truth, which contract did he win? your hubby is a yahoo boy period. That’s their trait to always be irresponsible. Once they hit they go clubbing with friends and spend money recklessly and show off till they are broke again, then they crawl back with their tail tucked in between their legs. Poster better give yourself sense.
ReplyDeleteYou won't advise her on the spending issue but you're busy telling us about his job because you are into the same thing!!
DeleteHuh?! 😱😱
DeleteYou don't say!
I hate such habit, and when the money is finished he'll start acting all humbly and without sin. Anyway, for sure you'll get upkeep for managing the homefront, just use that one for baby things and save as much as you can. When next he is down on cash abeg don't use love to kill your sense....do not give him anything.
ReplyDelete😂 madam u better start keeping ur money away from him as well and don't let him sugar mouth u in to giving him ur money..... U are supposed to study him with money first before even telling him how much earn but now just continue telling him that u will also change o and make sure u change. He's not the only one that like flexing. 😂
ReplyDeleteKeep your money my dear, he is taking you for granted. You cannot be the man of the house when he is still alive and working. Close up financially or he will continue taking you for a ride.
ReplyDeleteUseless husband na im be dis. Sorry madam you don enter one chance o.
ReplyDeleteYou need to enter serious fasting & praying bcos witb this kind behavior una no fit build anything reasonable & tangible for this marriage. That man is so immature ..he probably spending his cash on useless ladies out there,he needs to change his group of friend too. As it is now you cant force a grown man. Leave him & see what he wants to do with that money,finally if he doesnt do anything good with it,you also learn to keep your money,spend on yourself & baby only,eat out or cook & dont remain for him,starve him.
Serious fasting with pregnancy
DeletePls don’t take this evil advice oh
Better involve his family members now since he wants to be shamed...
A man can not provide money for his first seed? And she should fast?
I hope my comment dint enter voicemail o 🙆🏻♀️
ReplyDeleteWhen my mother used to tell me that my money is only mine and my husband money is ours I thought she was just been unreasonable until I and my husband exhausted my inheritance and I had to rely on him for my livelihood. Keep your money, if possible intentionally claim you have an issue with you bank account. If he has refused to be responsible then you have to pretend to make him be and start keeping your money to yourself, if you usually spend 50k on household expenses reduce it to 35k, keep the 15k in a separate Account and look for a way for him to drop the 15k... you must look for a way oh!! You know your husband, so you must know his weakness.That has been my trick for the last 10years...
ReplyDeleteOil dey your head. Poster come and take this advice oh. 💯💯
DeleteThis poster is a LEARNER, you let a man know you have money?
DeleteLittle by little they start dropping responsibilities and adding it to yours.
Anon I also inherited about 25m in total from my family. I got married three years ago and my husband knows nothing about this money or rather the true amount. I made it look like there is just one property I collect rent for. Because he knows I go for family meetings. He will say,how did it go. I will say fine,no further discussion.
Just in Sept I collected a cheque of 1m from my family.
If my husband knows I have that money. He will borrow it to pay our baby's school fees as he's been complaining of being broke. You complain but still pop champagne at club with friends.
I earn a salary mind you and so does he but he can spend for Africa.
I have what I do in the house. He pays rent, baby's school,nepa diesel etc. While I buy food,dstv and little things for the baby. But he does the major things as it should be.
I saw this trait in him since dating that if he knows I have,he will leave certain things for me.
I love my husband but I had the bad experience of an ex that syphone money from me always borrowing for business. Since then I lock up. My favourite word is I am broke. Once my salary finish that is the end o.
A friend of mine even planned with her company to be paying half her salary to an account her hubby doesn’t know about, me sef my middle name is I don’t have, I even fake car issues sef, I will just call you up and say I am at the mechanics place and how much I have spent, so you will never even think I have,
Delete16:10 you are wise.
DeleteIf not that I know Nigerian men, I would have said ah no, this is not good. This is not right...
But this generation of Nigerian men ehn?? Tufia.
Once they know you have money, they start dropping their responsibilities one after the other. Guy will be popping bottles, madam is eating rice and oil at home.
They want to be addressed as the 'man of the house' but are unwilling to handle the responsibilities of the 'man of the house'.
If you are forming miss independent I pity you o. I pity you well well. Na laff dey just dey laugh you. And they will encourage you well well in your independency and be giving their cash to one young floozy that will be taxing them left right and center.
Ladies if you have spare cash, hold it to your chest. Invest it. Buy land. Buy treasury bills. Tell nobody. Make sure you contribute your part financially to the home. Ensure your kids eat well and look good. They should not suffer because one person or the other cannot manage money. Eat well, pick your teeth and rinse your mouth. Let your horseband come back from popping bottles and turn up with his crew.
One day monkey go go market, e no go come back.
So women that earn well (e.g. bankers, oil workers) how will they cope in marriage? After all they can’t hide their jobs from their husbands
DeleteTufia! Where do you guys even meet these irresponsible men you marry.. na wah! I earn 7digits monthly, hubby earns less than me, knows my salary and allowances but doesn't even care about it. He has never as much as taken a penny from my purse in 6years of marriage not to talk of borrowing from me! He foots ALL the bills at home however, i'm reasonable enough to come in financially once i see him struggling. He doesn't need to ask! It has always been like that even from our days of little beginning. Women know the financial habits of your man before marriage to avoid stories about hiding money!
DeleteMadam poster one thing you need to know about money is this...BEFORE THE MONEY ARRIVES LET THERE BE A PLAN ON HOW TO USE IT...once you don't have a plan on how to judiciously use money before it arrives, you MAY end up using it for WANTS instead of NEEDS.
ReplyDeleteYour hubby sounds like a guy man who likes to show off to people that he has arrived hence why he won't let you talk to him about investing the money.
Madam poster just write the list of all the things you need and hand it over to him and put your foot down.
Also you need to stop making yourself a plan B for survival when he messes up...if he squanders the money then let him see the consequences of his actions, the more you shield him by providing for the house the more the bad habit of his continue....Once he squanders this money claim to be broke also...STOP ENCOURAGING HIS FOOLISHNESS.
LEP😛
They always plan before the money comes na, but once the money comes hubby go change story..
DeleteAre you sure you read this post?There's always a plan but when the money comes story changes.
DeleteMadam let stories change for you too if he spends this money on frivolities and not according to plan.
Madam not all men are like your husband,but for him to act like this in just 6 months of marriage,there is something fundamentally wrong with him.
ReplyDeleteHe needs prayers but not only prayers but action.
He doesn't need prayers in my opinion. It's the poster that needs to give herself brain. Your husband is a spoilt boy in a man's body & you're aiding him. What the poster needs is to stop believing he'll change. H won't! Old habits die hard!
DeleteGet some senses & start a plan B.
It is the poster who needs prayers, not the man causing the problem
DeletePoster,your husband knows you are capable and equal to the task!...
ReplyDeleteWhen I advise you people here to stop forming miss independent una no go listen!...
I’m sure you have never asked him for money when you guys were dating cos you were acting “good geh”...
*yinmu!...
Single girls bikonu,don’t ever reveal your man the real amount you earn!!...
Poster,carry your cross oh!..
You started it so complete it!!..
Funny but true.
DeleteSurely the husband might have been exhibiting this trait before now, i wonder why women come to complain of something their husband is doing that they probably knew he was doing while they courted.
Well my boyfriend knows i earn well because we work for the same organisation though in different departments and he is grades above me.
I collect from him o, hair money, bag and shoes money, fixing of things around my house, even groceries sef.
I take him on surprise dates sometimes o, but i started doing that because of the way he is with me, when i noticed that he is not a stingy person.
As a woman, you should have your own money and be able to afford your bills so there is no disrespect from the guy, but please allow him to still take care of things for you.
Before the man will now forget that he should be taking care of you.
💯💯💯💯💯
DeleteLinda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DeleteYou married a boy not a man. A man makes sure his home is secured before he thinks about anything else. That he needs to impress others and play big boy shows that he has insecurities and self-esteem issues. He may change if you sit him down and have a serious heart to heart; Otherwise, you will have to stock and pile money secretly to ensure he does not take you and the children down into the money pit that he will eventually find himself in one day if he doesn't wise up.
ReplyDeleteI say one day, rent will be due, no money. Oga will abscond. Bet me.
DeleteMadam not all men are like your husband,but for him to act like this in just 6 months of marriage,there is something fundamentally wrong with him.
ReplyDeleteHe needs prayers but not only prayers but action.
Chai i have to type all i wrote again. I said my story is similar to urs, i am equally 6months old in marriage and 5months preg( almost 6months tho). You can hit me up lets talk deeper. Tell your husband your money is finished and he will have to man up since he still finks he is a child. He is acting this way because he can fall back to you. Shine your eyes o. As it stands my husband doesnt know how much im worth and its best this way. He lords over me and takes sole charge of our home.
ReplyDeleteI'm single and I earn about 600k and my bad knows. What do I do now? Make I break up with am?
ReplyDeleteI meant my bf
ReplyDeleteMy dear, I don't know if all marriages are thesame but this is how mine is,
ReplyDeleteWhen I don't have and I ask him for money he will frown at me and talk how he has lots of stuffs to take care of from his family. When I have cause he knows I'm not the kind of woman that waits for a man to give me, he will say let's go shopping, he knows I will shop to stock the house of every need and want including his.
When is time to pay he will say pay I will give you later, off course I won't ask him again I don't know why to, even when i do he will say any money I spend in the house I want it back.
When I borrow money from him is either he picks a fight or collect it with fight.
So for now since I know the only way is not let him know I have money. I'm saving, just that is difficult for me cause I wasn't raised that way to hide things from family. I'm the type that buys things needed in the house without waiting or asking from him, I was raised independently after my mum died when I was only 13yrs. So is in me already and very difficult now to leave my system.
And also his now used to it cos I usually tell him whenever there is a big project to handle to face that while I fend for the home. That way we have gotten a lot of things thanks to God in our both names plus court marriage too, I no fit shout.
He dey chop you Mugu, abi you don’t know how to save too, abi is he saving for rapture? Aunty better change o, na you go continue to dey suffer
DeleteDarling...you need to stop.
DeleteSave your money for your children,,,Landed property or anything else.
When you leave an ordinary man...notice the word ordinary with too much loose cash he has a lot to of cash at his disposal to do side chics
Are you oke? Becasuse all you typed is suffering oo
DeleteHoney, that man is using you. You must come first before his family. You are his first family now. Start saving for yourself, cos a man like this spends his money on side chicks.
DeleteIt doesn’t matter the project he’s doing, a father should drop money every month end for housekeeping, enough money. Depending on your lifestyle and independent of what you earn as a wife...
DeleteThat’s how it’s been in my home.., but thankfully I married a responsible man...
No offence. I think he had the trait in him before marriage which is bad. You have to keep talking to him. And when sharing, give him the one he can use to spend with frds so that he doesn't feel you don't want him to have fun. Baby is on the way, you guys need money.
ReplyDeleteHow did you skip to notice this behaviour when you were dating?
ReplyDeleteWhat you will do is stop asking him too many questions. Quietly write a list of baby things and other essential needs for yourself and the house. Handwritten on a piece of paper for him. Send as text message and WhatsApp message too. Chill and watch him from a distance. Act normal and be doing wife material 100 yards things. When he's going out, tell him to greet his friends sef. Shebi the money will still soon finish? When your own money comes in, you will do the very bare minimum for him and the house. If it is 3 pieces of meat you give him, reduce to 1 or 2 tiny ones. Sha don't refuse to cook for him o. If electricity credit finishes, open your windows and buy hand fan. If he asks you for anything that doesn't go down with your spirit, calmly say that you borrowed money to get some essentials and you need to pay back, so there's no much money to go round. Please remove sarcasm or bitterness from your tone. Be calm and respectful but firm. This may escalate to another big issue. It will hurt his ego and he may become vindictive. But it is worth it to have all these "small small" fights at the beginning of marriage than 5 years later. The settlement of this issue will form the foundation of your marriage for decades, after this first year, so sit up.
For now, do you have any change saved up in case you can use if he f--ks up? Just gather money and keep for essentials so that you will not be thinking about it. Please whenever you get money, save, save, save. Also, after this child, use your family planning pill/injection religiously and watch his behaviour before you take in again.
Have a safe pregancy journey, wishing you a stress free delivery and a healthy baby.
Knack pigeon for him head
ReplyDeleteSome people are just wicked and I don't know why.
ReplyDeleteYes we all know that your husband's attitude is bad but what is worse is the fact that you are aiding/condoning it.
ReplyDeleteStop acting like you can't do anything about this situation, just stop presenting your money when he is done squandering his. And you should sit down with him and agree on what he as the head of the family must do as a provider. Make a to-do list of his and your responsibilities.
Stop encouraging this horrible attitude. Remind him that he needs to start saving for his kid's arrival, schooling and the future family house.
Madam, I am begging you to quit helping the father of your unborn kids be irresponsible else their future is at risk.
He needs to sit up, he is no longer a bachelor.
If his attitude keeps degenerating towards this key issue, please don't birth more kids with him.
Please be objective and go about this in a wise way. However you must be firm when it comes to you money (make it a no go area for him). Stop creating an enabling environment for this horrible attitude. And stop being the man of the house. It takes 2 to tango. Or don't you think/know that he is wasting it on those who have little or no biz with the money he ought to be spending on his immediate family? Stop feeling helpless and take charge, defend your home.
Pls do know wen 2 apply dis ur feminist principles,cos it doesnt apply to dis one,it cud escalate dis issue thereby ruining a happy home in progress...
Delete"writting a list of his responsibilties"? Dear poster,dnt try dat one,cos nt all men re wired d same way,he cud see it as u belittling his role as ur head or bruising his super ego,forcing him to use devious means to regain his crown and lord it over u.
Proverbs 31:26,says that a good wife opens her mouth in wisdom,the law of kindness is on her lips. So use tactful measures nd ur smile wud b restored.
So what's feminist about my comment? Why is it that when you see a woman making valid points that's when you put your guard up and begin to have a heart attack?
DeleteSo what sensible and straight advice have you suggested to the poster? Absolutely nothing! What's the wise thing that you really want her to do to solve her issue? Nothing!
Just stop being manipulative about it, it's either poster does something that will help or mar this situation. She can't afford to sit and do nothing only to worry about feeding his ego. You that you have been protecting and feeding your ego since the invention of toothbrush what has your huge ego achieved for you? Better still show us one good thing you have done with your ego.
Did catarrh block your eyes from seeing where I wrote his and her responsibilities in their home? ( I expect her to create this list with her husband and not alone). You why many relationships/ marriages fail? Lack of communication! Your type will always avoid communication that can simply solve the problems you have created with your own hands, na una way.
See, if you do things right nobody will see the need to worry but not when you deliberately practice wickedness and you still reject wise counsel too. And you are there quoting Bible out of context but you can't even feed your family? Now a word from same bible directly addressing this issue is that, men like you (who do not take care of their family) are worse than an infidel. Or you want to claim that you didn't know this scripture before?
Oya oga run along and go and settle family God has given to you cuz He demands that your provide for them, it is your responsibility! See as e Carry face like 'meninist'
@James Davidson
DeleteWhat motherfucking crown?
The crown of his penis abi which crown?
Since he doesn't know the duties and responsibilities of a husband, let the wife get fullscap sheet and write them down for him in capital letters.
Let her laminate copies and give him so that he can fan himself when PHCN bill comes and they cut the wires because there is no money to pay.
You people think that owing a strip of skin dangling between your thighs immediately confirms you as a MAN?
It identifies you as a male, not MAN. Get it?
You people need to FUCKING grow up. Bring something to the table apart from bent okra size penises, sundry body odours, pot bellies, scaly skin and dinosaur mentalities.
You males will be complaining that Nigerian women are crap, well guess what: SCRAP attracts crap.
Let your women look up to you instead of hissing behind your backs and mocking you. You presence, your words, your actions elicits zero respect. You have zero leadership qualities and you are dragging 'headship' and 'crown' and 'submission' yadi yada yagu like jollof rice at a local wedding.
Too many Nigerian married women are too fed up and ashamed to say what they are going through in their bondages.
You males need take off the diapers, wipeyour butts and fucking grow up for God's sake.
Dear James Davidson, Please what is Feminist about her comment? oh as a man you want to be the lord and head of a woman but you do not want to perform the biblical role of the head. Abeg park well.Men of these generation want respect but do not want to perform the responsibilities that comes with it.
DeleteThis annon is helplessly in a 'vexmode' Takit easy not all men are like ur hubby or the poster's hubby. Ehh inugo? Most of the assistance you females have gotten in your life by the way are still from the much maligned naija men. So give us some accolades. *lols
DeleteAnon 17.58 standing ovation for you.nigerian men are a waste of space I tell you. Marry one at your own peril
Delete19:09 is a perfect example of those kids in swollen soaked diapers occupying mens bodies.
DeleteImagine being married to this kind of person and the only thing you can be proud of is your wedding ring which you low key bought with your money.
This is not a post to crack daft jokes boy.
Women are obviously TIRED and SUFFERING, but your non existent E.I can't detect that can it boy?
Oops, you don't even know what E.I is sef, what am I saying??
19:10 May I never have the misfortune of marrying the TYPICAL Nigerian man.
Let him marry his kind.
I have invested too much in myself to accept scraps or crap.
And life is too precious to be shining married teeth in public and dying in abject misery inside daily.
Rather live single and adoption (kids) is always an option.
My happiness is paramount.
To the few good faithful married men out there, I salute you.
Anon 17:58 I give it to you.
DeleteYou finish work o jare.
Anon 17.58joy si bewaji....is that you😂. So very well said. Nigerian men out their STUPID so called ego above their WIFE and CHILDREN and it is so fucking annoying
DeleteSee them jittery. Your parents absolutely failed in not training you to be worthy of the word ‘man’. Responsibility makes a man , respect is deserved and not a factor of your gender. You need to be worthy to be called a crown...
DeleteThis is why i adore this man I married. I don’t like to talk so it won’t be like I’m bragging but they’re wonderful, great, awesome husbands in this country cod I don’t want to believe my husband is the only one if his kind!
And yes. Poster. Follow that first advice
DeleteBut I would say. , write out the baby list for him....give him 3 days , if no response, send again by WhatsApp.. if no response, involve family. Hopefully they shame him into doing the right thing.
Resist the urge to nag or fight.., instead maintain a deadly calm
6:00 Your husband is not the only one of his kind.
DeleteThere are good Nigerian men out there.
But they are so few.
Like 1 in one million men.
So if you get one ehn, sometimes you will wake up in the middle of the night and be tugging on his pyjamas to be sure he is real.
Please don't take him for granted. Much of what you see out there wearing trousers and shirts are trash.
Poster, your husband is such a funny man. How can a man be so selfish to his unborn baby? You need to call him to order. You have to device a means to make him listen and reason with you. You both have a future to build with a baby on the way. learn to keep your savings to yourself.
ReplyDeletewhy do i have this feeling you are married to a yahoo boy???
ReplyDeleteWoman! Please, hide your money henceforth.
ReplyDeleteDon't show him shishi again, infact, he shouldn't even smell your money.
Don't let him know when you have money or you areas been paid.
Even if he sees, done give him and don't spend for anything in the house.
Keep your money in bank without remaining kobo.
Woman! Please, hide your money henceforth.
ReplyDeleteDon't show him shishi again, infact, he shouldn't even smell your money.
Don't let him know when you have money or you areas been paid.
Even if he sees, done give him and don't spend for anything in the house.
Keep your money in bank without remaining kobo.
You better start keeping your money to yourself , because that your husband is such an irresponsible man.
ReplyDeleteI am not married so I don't really know how to advice you but what I will suggest is sit him down n talk about his attitude towards money,you can't chill n be waiting till he spends the money on irrelevant things
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you started with miss independent in the relationship, cos you should have noticed these signs but you cared less .Now its time to dance to the tune of your music. My advise, sit him down and have a heart to heart conversation, don't understand why couples can't communicate these days .
ReplyDeleteD money he z spending,waz it gotten thru his sole effort or thru collaborative efforts of his frndz?
ReplyDeleteU need to know this before u enter Battle Mode...
I did not see marriage here o
ReplyDeleteAll I saw are two people co-habiting in a business enterprise.
What is all these "my money, his money?"
If I would be anything in marriage, I don't pray it be this type. Men should be responsible, especially financially. A man should learn to share with his wife. If not for anything atleast to make her happy. I tire for some men abeg. Madam just commit it into God's hand OK.
ReplyDeleteIf I would be anything in marriage, I don't pray it be this type. Men should be responsible, especially financially. A man should learn to share with his wife. If not for anything atleast to make her happy. I tire for some men abeg. Madam just commit it into God's hand OK.
ReplyDeleteExcellent advice.
DeleteSo while she is 'committing to God's hands' what should she be doing unku spirit?
I say as she is approaching her delivery date, what should she do?
Just fold hand and ankle and be twiddling thumbs abi? God of awesome wonders will shoot down baby clothes, cot, money for hospital bills, NEPA bills, feeding money etc from Heaven abi?
When she is hungry she should stretch her hand from her house into your kitchen and collect food abi?
Unku, is like your poetry is turning your brain.
We are looking for solutions here.
Omg anon 20.47 laugh wan kill me die
Delete😂😁😀
DeleteMost nigerians and 'commit it to God' without making the slightest efforts/action to searching out lasting solutions ehn!
They think God is their houseboy.
Thwarted mindset!
Practical solution is the tool used to tackle problems and not by being lazy while you simply wish your problems would disappear.
Do not let your man know d exact money u have or earn no matter how nice he seems. Una no go hear.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you do in a relationship where you earn more than the guy and the guy earns just enough to take care of his basic needs.
ReplyDeleteYou can't go asking him for money in that instance. How does one then know he is stingy?
I have been dating someone for over a year and he has never bought me anything special or given me money. I have also never asked cuz I earn just enough to take me to the next month.
I worry sometimes, but what can I do??
I have even asked him if he is stingy.
You should be very worried for your future with such a person.
DeleteYou guys think we are just being angry for no reason? Or we are just money conscious?
Do worry a trial will convince you, wait till you get married to him. And watch how you become his mumu full time.
Ask yourself again, when you are happy with someone dear to you don't you get that feeling to get them a gift to show your appreciation? Doesn't it give you joy to sacrificially give becoz they mean everything to you?
So if he isn't even giving you ought to know by now that the guy must be stingy.
If he does not have the habit of giving you out of the little he has now even if it is recharge card.
DeleteThen expect the SAME attitude when he has a lot
If he does not have the habit of giving you out of the little he has now even if it is recharge card.
DeleteThen expect the SAME attitude when he has a lot
God will help us with the kinds of spouses around these days.I am married to a woman who claims to love me but gets silently angry and sad whenever I make a good money.As much as she tries to hide it,I still see it. Wo oju ti ri,eni ba lo mo.
ReplyDeleteWhy wont she be angry when you make good money.Is it not the money you spend on side chicks.Does she enjoy from the money?
DeleteYes she does,when I make money I give her money to buy whatever she wants,if I want to buy stuff worth 500k for myself I give her 800k to buy and I don’t have side chicks.i can beat my chest anywhere,I am one of the very few men that don’t cheat.
DeleteEvery time “sit him down” and have a “heart2heart talk” with him.... So all the time poster has been sitting down and having a heart2heart talk planning her money no follow abi?? Poster u better stand up and talk now before u end up being man of the house taking up responsibilities..that’s how he’ll leave the welfare of ur unborn child to u because he knows u can do it......... SAY NO TO MISS INDEPENDENT WHILE DATING!!! Let him take care of some basic needs for u even while dating...
ReplyDeleteIt's such a shame that we have to tell married people this as in seriously???
DeleteAll my heart to heart talk fell on deaf ears. I became the man of the house... When I say man, I mean man and him...wife.
ReplyDeleteGuess what, I cared less about all people will say and left. Irresponsible men is a NO-no. I can't coman go and die somewhere because I wantt to bear Mrs.