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Sunday, November 25, 2018

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Na wah!!!!!









STAND ALONE NARRATIVE


TIPS TO GET RID OF CONTROLLING ''MUMMY'' NEEDED



Good day Mrs Stella, thank you for your blog, it keeps me company when I’m bored. More grease to your elbow. 



I want the house to help me out here. Let me start from the very beginning, it’s going to be long but please take your time to read. In 2016, my mum got very ill, we stayed in the hospital for 4 months. When she was finally discharged, we practically had no savings. Then in January 2017, my mum passed on. I moved to my dad’s place. My parents were separated but they still visited each other and neither of them remarried. 


After I came to my dad’s place in January I joined a church and started serving.. I’m a very private person, who likes keeping to herself, I didn’t tell anyone in the church about my mum’s death and burial. One day some group of ladies(in my service unit) were just talking and the discussion came to me, then they were asking me some questions, as per getting to know me and stuff. That was how they got to know about my mum’s death and burial. One of the ladies in the group, let’s call her lady Q, she took interest in me.

 She started calling me her daughter and with time I started calling her ‘mumy'. 



Now to why I’m writing this chronicle, after my mum’s burial, I got admission. Things were kind of tough, the church had to help with my acceptance fee. I had issue with house rent at a point in time and I met lady Q, she helped me out. Ever since then, she wants to control me. She would tell me that I must do this and not do that. If I don’t do as she says she would start shouting and sometimes hitting me. 


There was a time I uploaded a new Facebook profile picture, she called me and started asking when I took the picture and why I didn’t tell her. I didn’t tell my dad at first but then it got out of hand. She is very abusive and hot-tempered. Sometimes she would call me and little things I say she would start shouting, it got to a point that every time she calls me I would end up being angry for hours. 



My roommates and friend would always notice a change in my countenance after every call. When we are fasting in church she would tell me when I should end my fast, if I end before that time she would say I’m too lazy and like food a lot, she tries to make me stay for all the services we have in church. She keeps reminding me that I’m fat, when she asks something and I tell her the truth she would say I’m lying. A friend told me that maybe she is trying to amend errors she has made through me. In July I stopped calling her and she noticed I was angry at her and she changed a bit. Now she has started again.



 She does help me, occasionally she gives me money and stuff(clothes, shoes). She isn’t married and I just want her to get married before I disassociate from her, but it’s becoming unbearable. She is too bossy, controlling and oppressive. She is a very nice person and she gives a lot, I won’t be fair if I don’t mention that, she does give me good advice sometimes, but this her other side is what I can’t manage. 


I need advice on how to get rid of her, I don’t want to seem like a bad person, so people won’t say after all she has done. But I need to have peace and rest. How do I leave such relationship without seeming like a bad person? Please bv’s help me out!




*Can you continue with School on your own without her?If the answer is No,then you cannot get rid of her at all...cant you find a way to handle her?Shouldnt you be used to her tantrums?Since she is playing a major role in your life right now,I think it would be best you look for ways to manage her and let the 'friendship' die a natural death...
I know her behaviour is extreme but please manage her.

58 comments:

  1. I think you should sit her down mother to daughter and talk to her because I think she sees you as a daughter hence all the characteristic of a mother repremanding her child. I don't think she means any harm but hitting you is a no no.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is the first time I am putting up a comment here. I strongly agree with Miss Ess. I think she truly loves you and wants the best for you. Please be more patient with her. I can relate because most of the people that are dear to me have complained that I am too strict though it's not as extreme as hers. We express love differently. She might also be bitter for obvious reasons. Tolerate her for as long as you can.

      Delete
    2. Block her on social media so she won't see your posts. you have to Manage her seeing that she's helping you with some stuff but you can do away with her if you can manage on your own.

      Another option is to let her know how her attitude is affecting you. Maybe she'll change

      Delete
    3. I once had a "mother" during tertiary days in Ibadan. She noticed I always came by their house and went back in d evening. She had a young son who was well pampered. She was the Dean Student Affairs at the time. She took interest in my well being (never gave me money as I wasn't in need of money) but feeding, and student lecturer related issues. People see her as strict but we stuck a bond and I'm grateful to God we crossed each other's path. I influenced the son positively as a Lagos born sharp boy and at first he was always reporting "Uncle Alaba did this or that" which "Big Mummy" never scolded me for. Any other member of the household couldn't get away with the things I got away with. The boy gradually became independently and Big Mummy become more fond of me. It's been a while I last saw/spoke to her but my heart prays for her everyday. I love you my BiG MummY.

      Now poster, Growing up with separated parents has taken it's toll on your phycological well being. But it's up to you to take these things as painful corrections with love.

      Get closer to your "mother",
      try to love her the way she loved you
      Engage her in conversations about her past and see how she responds. If she opens up well enough, she truly really loves u.
      Share some tough experiences growing up with only your mom has brought.

      Make her your confidant. You won't regret it. You guys need bonding. Don't let anyone tell you she won't allow u get married, is every one around her unmarried?
      It is well with you

      #hadeyhalaba

      Delete
  2. Some people dey complain of this thing with boyfriend, your own na fellow woman.
    I shock as I read am.

    Anyways, if u can't get rid of her as Stella said, stay until u re tru with school, practically use her.
    Sometimes we have to eat shit to get the cake below.

    I know it's hard, buh just try.

    What about your dad by the way??

    U didn't talk of him after the intro
    Is he dead?

    ReplyDelete
  3. How can you allow a total stranger to control your life? Do you know that this woman will never allow you get married or even keep a male friend till she gets married in God knows time?? If your family can not help you through school and you can't hustle either please quite schooling.
    You want this old hag to damage you psychologically? God forbid bad thing!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fan pay poster's school fees na.

      Delete
    2. How can you ask me to pay poster's school fees when my daughter has started schooling? Have I ever boasted of being rich on this platform before? Abi person wey never chop bellyful dey fight for your community?? You better mind ya sef

      Delete
    3. Why would u call her an old hag? She has anger issues and it's not new. Didn't u hear d part where she said the woman has a nice side? She just has this dominating attitude and it's not new. Watch ur words woman

      Delete
    4. Fan you are too funny. I like you

      Delete
    5. Dear Fan, For someone to help U at this point, U no longer term them Total Stranger...
      Pls, did u pple bother asking this advice seeker her Vices that wud make someone she called a very Good Person to hit her? Maybe it was done wit love wich her Minor Under aged Brain and Reasoning Powers may neva understand now...
      Dear poster, U bera put Up wit dis Lady Q cos frm d look of It, The Gains outweighs the Losses... She may help U actualise ur potentials in life.
      (Ur story reminds me of the Potters Wheel by Ikechukwu...

      Delete
    6. So fan if she has a nice mother (her own words) who has same short coming as the woman you will advise her to cut her off?
      Children should learn how to be tolerant of people especially people picking up their educational bills. It's part of the stormy path to independence.

      Since she sees you as a daughter see her as a mother with those shortcomings and relate with her as you would a mother or an Aunt because that's exactly the role she's playing in your life

      Beware of people that will never lift a finger to help you yet advise you to leave your helper. Every problem has an expiry date

      Delete
    7. Shebi na for here we dey advice people to run away from abusive people. Abi na only husbands?
      How can you even hit a child not to talk of an adult?? Oh she should accept emotional and physical abuse because of money?? You guys are amazing!

      Delete
  4. Nigerian Women will tolerate all sort of abuse from anybody because of money. She is sick and needs to keep you in her control so she can have somebody to bully

    ReplyDelete
  5. No body is perfect...imagine her as your mother..you won't disown her..belief me,some mothers are even worse..we just learn to live with them...please consider her good side and just take her as she is

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Best answer so far. Most Nigerian mothers are dominating. They are control freaks.

      Delete
    2. Another reasonable advise. Kudos
      BBK

      Delete
    3. Take her as she is because of crumbs she's giving her? Please she's not her mother so stop the comparison. If she were her mom I bet she'd have tolerated her nasty behaviour

      Delete
  6. Nothing to manage there Stella. Why can't your dad fend for you? You were fine before you met her so confront her and tell her how you feel in a polite manner.
    If she still continues with the nasty attittude, cut her off and change Church. I really can't tolerate people's excesses

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stella is right. If the poster's father can fend for her she won't be in this situation in the first place so the best thing is for her to tolerate her or even have a stylish heart to heart talk with her "mummy" if possible.

      Delete
  7. Poster, you sound ungrateful.

    Calm down and let that lady put you in the right tract. Life is deeper than you see it. She is trying to make you somebody in life and you are here claiming ITK.
    Don't do what you will later regret. If you think you can make it without her, then Ok. I wish you luck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nigerians are so much used to abuse that they confuse it as love, putting you in the right track and bla bla bla.
      From the government, to public service, to church and home, abusive, low self esteem , angry and frustrated individuals everywhere. She must stay because she trying to make her somebody in life, as if she is God. Can you just hear yourself talk? Why do we think we have the kind of boss, rulers we have today? From people like you who condone rubbish and abuse in the name of correction.

      It's a mess up situation and there is nothing to pretend here, if she does stay, she will never be well again unless she goes for council. Stop celebrating abuse, especially emotional and verbal abuse. Africans think it's a culture and it's the way to train kids but when you look at how the world is today, we are the mess up individuals in the whole planet. We don't even respect human life in this part of the world.

      Delete
    2. Anon, tell them! Never in my life will I allow a mere mortal treat me like shit.

      Delete
    3. Posh you are utterly stupid. U lack self esteem...how dare you call her ungrateful? Are you mad? Some of you here read without your brains

      Delete
  8. Tell her you don't like what she's doing. Tell her how it affects you. Talk to her. Let her advice herself. Whatever decision she takes about helping you after the talk so be it. Don't just cut her off it will hurt her.

    ReplyDelete
  9. How people allow toxic 'others' to just walk all over them beats me! To think that this relationship began from church says a lot about the Nigerian church.
    How about your dad? Isn't he in the picture? You should be able to take a stand for yourself. She hits you,bullies you to submission and cusses you out too?
    Babe,abeg talk to her and bounce!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Next time she hits you, just walk away. Relationship is not by force. Your mum died and you still survive, what makes you think you can't survive without this woman. Sometimes you need to face the unknown head on cos it's that fear that hold most people back and expose you to a lot of ills you are not meant to experience.

    ReplyDelete
  11. What would you av done if she was your biological mom, would you have gotten rid of her.. No
    Just try and endure,one cant be perfect except you are God.Besides you're in school and you seldom see her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only reasonable comment I’ve read here. Kudos, KrytiQ
      BBK

      Delete
    2. That's how you people endure abuse from riff raffs. She should endure till she damages her self esteem abi?
      That you're assisting someone doesn't give you the effrontery to belittle the person or talk in a condescending manner

      Delete
    3. Shooter, my dear just dey look as everyone dey comment. Most bvs are hypocrites. Thi is what they do to people around them that's why they're all in support.

      Delete
  12. Poster is a stubborn shild.
    She is posting worldly picshures on Facebook.
    Ikwakwakwakwa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol. Crazy Anony.. This one na by force Mummy.. .

      Are you going to school from home? If not distancing yourself from her shouldn't be so difficult.. Ignore her call most of the times, she'll get the message.

      Delete
  13. People stay away from anybody,any place or anything that disturb your inner peace.
    people see me as a snub because i dont tolerate such.
    i love myself to allow or give space for toxic people to give me shit.
    It is not by force to be friends.
    why i dont keep close friends to know when to draw the line and still be at peace with you

    ReplyDelete
  14. She will kill you one day. Better get rid of her asap. Receive Sense!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Why do I feel ur relationship wit her is sexual. Don't tolerate such abuse she is frustrated and unleashing it on u.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. First thought I had...

      Sugar mummy things.. in the church... chai! That’s why she’s having the mind to do all the Bs to you and you too, be enduring it..
      You better run away from that woman before she ruins your life totally

      . Funny thing, I rarely think like this but something just struck me as unusual here.

      Delete
  16. I don't support her hitting you. But I think you are dwelling so much on her negative side. She takes you as her daughter but didn't realise that her method of mentorship is too hard on you.
    Deep down in her heart she's totally unaware that she's hurting you. Have a heart to heart talk with her her. Explain nd point out to her how you feel. Let's hope she would change.
    Again , check out her soft spot and use it. That particular stuff that makes her happy , please try and do it.

    Life is full of ups and down. Patience and endurance is key. Focus on the end result of what you would gain and not the insults you receive today. When you graduate and start earning a living, will it be included in your certificate? Nope, so, overlook her excesses and focus on your destination.
    Use this opportunity wisely and do not allow impatience to elude you.
    Make sure you have real discussion with her and let her know you appreciates her but not comfortable with her approach of mentorship.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kudos madam. You shd totally be a counsellor.
      BBK

      Delete
  17. I Think you guys ate fucking. If not, she wouldn't have this much hold on you. If otherwise, sorry for thinking it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. poster please ignore her negative side, have a heart to heart discussion with her, inasmuch as I don't support her hitting u, but then this woman is nice and might not know she is going overboard, you have your education at hand, so focus on her nice sides and graduate first...

    ReplyDelete
  19. This person is living her imagined life through you. I hope she doesn't have psych issues oh. Yes she is a mother figure but she isn't your mother therefore you should draw a line in your relationship before this becomes another thing.
    I can't believe the nonsense I'm reading here though. If it was a man hitting her because he provides her needs then you people will be shouting domestic violence. You are a confused lot

    ReplyDelete
  20. I don't like the hitting part, just talk to her I'm sure she'll understand. You said she's a good person so stick with her.

    ReplyDelete
  21. All these stories dey tire person. There is a way you carry and present yourself that determines the way you are treated. The bottom line is you need to sit up and begin to find sources of income to support yourself in school. That way you can politely decline her next offer of financial assistance politely. I will not advice that you are rude in anyway. If helping with your studies was easy then any other member of your extended family would have taken up that responsibility. I know someone like that. Extremely nice and can also be extremely nasty. Such that when you react out of anger you are termed ungrateful because of previous acts of kindness you enjoyed. I will advise you stay away politely and make plans for the consequence. I.e. get an alternative source of income. Students nowadays are so lazy. I don't know where your school is but I did menial chores as a student. Washing clothes etc. You will be amazed at the kind of money you can get from that. Baby sitting, messenger services etc. My dear the sky is your starting point with the right attitude and determination. All the best

    ReplyDelete
  22. And don't mind those people telling you to use her to go to school and then dump her. If you try that, she will curse you and it will most likely stick.
    Your best bet is to let her know in words and action what and what you can't tolerate in this your relationship. Don't start taking what you can't finish. People who are supposedly 'nice' usually like to control people

    ReplyDelete
  23. I hope Anon above is wrong and she isn’t trying to make you a lesbian Patner. A “ friend” who you started calling mummy and who doesn’t know or respect her boundaries needs to be checked. For those saying if it is her mom, don’t you read stories of extremely wicked mummys and daddys? Some people distance themselves even from a wicked parent. It’s very true. Some mothers don’t like their daughters or one of them reminds them of the dad they dislike and are wicked physically and spiritually to that child. The right response is to give the mother what you can afford that she needs and keep your distance. Blood is not thicker than ice cube.

    This isn’t even her mother. If she wants her own child to abuse she can go ahead and get pregnant. My suspicion is that this story is incomplete and I hope she hasn’t damaged this poster.

    Poster don’t be drawn into any life you don’t want because someone is nice and gives you money. How many more years do you have in school and how much is your fees plus feeding per year? Don’t tolerate physical abuse or violence because she is “ helping “ you. It’s not help if it hurts. African parents and beating have created a heartless society where people are numb to stories of hunger and scavenging by kids, cutting human heads, whipping children till the marks show etc. Be more open with the financial part, you never know who can help with no strings attached and you will be free to face your studies and hopefully pay it forward.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Poster, start learning hand work o. If you knock on 50 eateries around your school, at least 1 will employ you. Abeg, which kind thing be this? You think that you can only be abused by your boyfriend? This is a toxic relationship, you can also be abused by a guardian, caregiver or mentor.

    ReplyDelete
  25. This is very easy. Your father is a widower now. So just introduce her to your Dad. That way if they start something, the temper will reduce. But wait o. I dont want her to go and kill ur papa o. For no papa no to remarry mean say the man like him peace. Poster biko go and look for a job and pray let God send you a helper. Be careful who u accept money from. Nigeria is hard but remember say na church satan plenty pass.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Since she has good side and you are benefiting from her, why not manage her bad attitude for now until you are able to stand alone, then you can delete her from your life. She want the best for you, stop seeing her as a bad person but as a person that want the best for you. That way the things she does to you will not get you angry.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Try and tolerate her excesses but if it begins to rob you of peace of mind please let her go...
    *faithful bv*

    ReplyDelete

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