Hmmmmm....
CONFUSED ABOUT GIRLFRIENDS UNSTABLE SITUATION
She constantly speaks ill of her mother, and their relationship is unstable, they block and unblock each other at intervals. Last night I decided to have a deep, honest conversation with her. She told me she was adopted.
According to her, the woman abroad she calls mother is her adopted mother.. She ensure my babe lacked nothing money can buy. However, she felt money wasn’t enough; she needed emotional connection. This pushed her to search for her biological mother. Eventually, she got her contact and reached out.
Her biological mother had given birth to her out of wedlock and later got married. Sadly, she denied her existence. Every attempt my girlfriend made to bond with her failed. I believe the woman did not want my girlfriend to interfere with her marriage.
Around this time, my girlfriend had gained admission into one of the best private schools in Nigeria, got pregnant and dropped out. This got her adopted mother so angry that she stopped her allowance for almost three months, insisted she go back to school with the pregnancy but my babe refused out of shame and still didn't go back after giving birth.
Fast forward, life took another turn. The biological mother, never had children in her marriage, suddenly she wants a relationship with my babe, she wants to reconnect with her as a mother and even want my babes daughter to come stay with her. , my girlfriend harbours deep resentment toward her adopted mother who has shown her nothing but care, love, and pampering, despite all her flaws. Still, she wants nothing to do with her. She prefers her biological mother despite the fact she denied her when she needed her most.
Now I am confused.
I really like this lady. She has helped me financially in ways I cannot ignore. We both benefit from her adopted mother’s money (smiles) ...she insists we should just get married without involving any of her family, neither her biological mother nor her adopted mum.
That is where my dilemma lies.
I come from a stable family, one that believes strongly in doing things the right way. My people will never agree to a marriage without proper family involvement and traditional processes.
I am torn. I care deeply about her, but I am worried about the path she wants us to take.
This is my chronicle.
Fast forward, life took another turn. The biological mother, never had children in her marriage, suddenly she wants a relationship with my babe, she wants to reconnect with her as a mother and even want my babes daughter to come stay with her. , my girlfriend harbours deep resentment toward her adopted mother who has shown her nothing but care, love, and pampering, despite all her flaws. Still, she wants nothing to do with her. She prefers her biological mother despite the fact she denied her when she needed her most.
Now I am confused.
I really like this lady. She has helped me financially in ways I cannot ignore. We both benefit from her adopted mother’s money (smiles) ...she insists we should just get married without involving any of her family, neither her biological mother nor her adopted mum.
That is where my dilemma lies.
I come from a stable family, one that believes strongly in doing things the right way. My people will never agree to a marriage without proper family involvement and traditional processes.
I am torn. I care deeply about her, but I am worried about the path she wants us to take.
This is my chronicle.
Please do not even marry her cos she also seems to be unstable....
Please activate what they call CHOP CLEAN MOUTH WAKA.....
You will regret marrying her.
She is very ungrateful. Her adopted mother showed her nothing but love, she got pregnant, and even tho allowance was on hold, she still wanted her to go back to school, which she didnt. Her biological mum on the other hand didn't want to have anything to do with her, but cos she can't have kids she suddenly remembers she has a child. Stay away from that girl.
ReplyDeleteHow do you know the mother showed her nothing but love
DeleteWhat did she eat for 3 months with no allowance
Na crime to adopt again?? Dat ya girlfriend is ungrateful, spoiled and entitled. I wish the mother that adopted her can cut off from her. Maybe in truth she is hiding something, but I think it is more of her nature. She feels hatred and resentment maybe because she feels her adopted mother has no rights over her and should not correct her, yet she is enjoying her largesse. Let her go to her real mother, nothing bad in that, but she may end up disappointed. Also if you don't agree to her terms don't go on with her poster. If you agree, you have to prepare yourself for the baggage she will come with. Also be sure why you really want to marry her. Is it because of the largesse you are also enjoying? A good foundation is important for a long lasting good marriage. You both must be on the same page at the very least.
Delete15:59, did you read the chronicle at all? That is what he clearly said and kept repeating. So you, how did you know she didn’t? Is there something you know about the family that we don’t?
DeleteShe has not learned anything.
DeleteSmall girl still dey worry her.
“We both benefit from her adopted mother’s money (smiles)” you are both CRIMINALS. I’ve no advice for you!!!
DeleteWho said men ain't gold diggers??🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteMoney wants to make this one marry a girl with deep seated issues
Lmao
Who said men ain't gold diggers??🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteMoney wants to make this one marry a girl with deep seated issues
Lmao
Exactly my thought,he doesn't love her but the money.
DeleteA terrible person she is. Please kindly follow the red pen. Thanks
ReplyDeleteYou are a greedy thief! Unfortunately, this doesn't look like it will end well o for both of you cos you are only with her for what you can get and she's not a stable person from what I have read.
ReplyDeleteNB- This s why I don't like adoption. Most of them are just ungrateful beings!
My Guy, talk true. Na d money you like! that's why you want her to remain connected to her adopted mother.
ReplyDeleteIf it's just money I want, I will not have planned to engage her. I want to marry her but confused.
DeleteThat girl must be very ungrateful.
ReplyDeleteImagine a woman picked you up and gave you life after the biological mother abandoned you and you are treating her with disdain.
Yes the biological mother is right seeking emotional connection with her. Money is not enough.
Shame on her if she decides to treat her badly just because she had reconnected with her biological mother.
Even if she choses to be with her biological mother ,why hate the person that adopted you and made you become something. She messed up her life by getting pregnant instead of studying. The adopted mother is right to be annoyed. That was not the plan. If this her so called mother who dispised her had a child in her marriage it would have been another story of denial to her husband.
Why do people bite the fingers that fed them?
Poster, this is not a good setting. She is heatless and she will not treat you well. You better read between the lines
Young man. Take it from me. You do not want to be involved deeply in that messy situation. I'll tell you why.
ReplyDeleteIf you go ahead and marry this lady, all that pent up hate from feeling abandoned will be unleashed on you. That is a lady that needs to face her demons squarely and heal. This process will take a long time.
You mentioned something about her needing emotional connection. However , she is not willing to forgive and let past hurts go. You can't meet that need. You can't fill that void. By the time the inevitable challenges of marriage arise, her backlash will come in ways you can't imagine.
Save yourself future hurts and pain. Let her go. She has demons and battles she has to deal with and overcome so she can be whole.
Encourage her to get counselling or therapy. She has not processed being adopted well and is seeking what cannot be found. She is trying to mend the mental pain of being given up and unwanted, seeking love and validation from her biological mother and forcing something that is not there. She could waste her entire life on a quest that she cannot win in a bid to secured the elusive love that she seeks while she has always had love in her life. She is toeing a self-destructive path and perpetual pain which is already sucking the life out of her. You can point out these things to her but professional intervention could be more beneficial. If she has a religious/spiritual identity she needs to lean into that too, because she could end up walking in the desert for forty years in confusion and never get to the promised land.
ReplyDeleteYou do not have to marry her now. If you adore her as you claim to then you can wait a while. When it comes to a man there is no rush for marriage, as there is no biological clock to worry about. So encourage her deeply to get some help and be a source of stable support while she seeks healing. Please pray for her daily, pray for peace and divine love to fill her, ask God to pour out His divine love into her so she will feel whole and complete. Praying for the goodness on another is the highest expression of love, so pray for her.
Don't marry her. She's ungrateful.
ReplyDeleteI don't think she values good people.
This is my problem with adoption.
ReplyDeleteThe root of bitterness is in her. She needs serious therapy.
ReplyDeleteUnstable soul she is!
ReplyDeleteYou Better face front, before she go get back to her baby daddy and fill your house with another man's babies.
You are seeing all the billboard now but longer throat no go allow you see road.😎
Without knowing more I really can’t see the deep care and love you’re talking about
ReplyDeleteYou’ve said adoptive mum gives her money but when last did she see this mother
I think your girl is being real about her feelings and I like real people
You don’t know the words perfect adoptive mum said when she got pregnant and people in bad situations are some times more drawn to similar folks so she may like that biological mom is imperfect too
Stop eating the money if you’re not sure of marriage
anyone that tells you otherwise is not a good person
Whatever thing she has not is not against you so you’re not in the position to continue benefiting with plan to leave
Hope the adopted mother have her own biological children because this your girlfriend is not only ungrateful but wicked.
ReplyDeleteYou better leave her, before she will tell you to deny your own family,and you because of money will send another chronicles.
If you’re serious, go and tell your family first and let them reject her if they want
ReplyDeleteTell her the risk and she can decide
She won’t be the first not to like her mother so I’m not sure why you think she’s not marriageable now
This is why people should discuss things with suitors
Shouldn’t not should
ReplyDeleteHer adopted mother want the best for her but she is ungrateful. Think well before you leap
ReplyDeleteShe needs therapy for now not marriage. Don't go and complicate your life while you also compound problems for her.
ReplyDeleteHow i don't like ungrateful people. This your girl is veeeeery ungrateful and very unstable, my guy e be like u go move because, her unstable life will rub off on you. Can you cope? Think twice bro.
ReplyDeleteGive her ultimatum to choose adopted mother or say goodbye to your friendship
ReplyDeleteShe's dealing with trauma. Abandonment/rejection.
ReplyDeleteHave you suggested counseling,if you love her like you really claim
Pay close attention to the manner in which the people you love treat those who have loved and sacrificed for them in their time of need. It is very very important.
ReplyDeleteThat lady has a bad case of gratitude and attitudinal paralysis and honestly, I'm not a fan of people stuck with that condition.
Too bad she doesn't recognize love when she sees one and she'll miss love because her ego is on a diet.
If you end up with her because of the feel of the moment, you are the one who's going to be left crying the blues and eating a big serving of regret.
You sef, Do you truly have feelings for her or are you just chasing fleeting advantages? Two of una fit each other sha.
You are a gold digger sha. Hope you know? You want to marry her when you are not even stable. With which money? 😏
ReplyDeleteUnless she heals, she will keep rejecting anything good, even you sometime very soon. The trauma of abandonment makes it hard to believe any one can truly love her. She will keep self sabotaging herself. Let her seek help first. I so feel for her non - biological mother. I hope she has other kids.
ReplyDeleteLol you wanna marry her because adopted mother dey give una money abi???
ReplyDeleteWhere is the father of the baby first?
Ignore button??
No be swear you go cry full Gp tank
She's not ungrateful. She connects better with the mother because they had kids out of wedlock. Probably, feels not good enough for the adopted mother.
ReplyDelete