WEDNESDAY IHN

Better late.....

SINGLES MINGLES ISH



I am sending this in to thank you for the single and mingle series. I'd meant to do this some weeks back but haven't had the time. I know many will disagree with me, on the issues below, well they are just my opinion. Especially after readix-datingy comments on feedback about the last S&M.



I often wonder why its okay for we ladies to insert "financially stable" or "must be comfortable" in our posts. Yet we criticise a guy's post for mandating same criteria in his post? What happens to at least "earning a living"? I know finance is important in a marriage, but it shouldn't be the norm for unsealed relationships or dating - my opinion though. 


Except discretionary. In dating no part owes anyone anything. You do things out of your volition. Except one is trading something for another thing, then it is understandable. Yet we are so critical of a runs babe trying to earn and pay her bills, while many are guilty of same act but hide under the cover of 'dating or in a relationship' doing worst runs than even an escort.



If you date a girl/guy and realise he/she is not buoyant enough, and hence can not meet your expectations in this modern day arrangement called x-dating. The onus is on you to reappraise the relationship on the grounds of the reason(s) for it in the first place. Let someone who loves him/her Financially aid him.




 The mentality that a relationship must end in marriage is wrong, else we would not have had to deal with immature heartbreaks and the ex(es). Or the notion that someone must be responsible for taking care of another's bills is bad. It merely underline an uncouth mindset. Except of course, its a choice that must be emphasised for reason best known. Some relationships are matured friendships that are necessary for our journeys, so let's learn to discern and be motivated by this fact. Nothing is greater than understanding the purpose of anchors, before jumping on today's norm of exploitation.



Just as there are broke guys, we do have our own broke ladies too. Only that the ratio is more telling on the guys. The annoying episodes are fellow young ladies, who are yet to empower themselves and are incapacitated financially and mentally. By establishing or having legitimate sources of income, jostling for the charade of marriageable "comfortable or financially stable" men. And end up forgoing their self-value in that process. When the abuse(s) starts (because they will come in this case), they'll come with their chronicles vilifying the men. Majority of the men are scumbags but must we arm them? 



A high number of today's women are better empowered, educationally and financially. And are breadwinners in their respective homes, factually. Little wonder the men are scrambling all over the place, in their 6s and 7s. Higher percentage of men are attitudinal and habitually insecure, to dating or married to an independent woman. 


They see them as competition, rather than being motivated by their decision to assist and complement. The reason men are intimidated and would rather date someone that is dependent on them, for almost everything other than spirituality, is control and abuse - mostly psychological.


I think for fellow young ladies, our first objective should focus on empowerment, be self-sufficient however minimal. Then build purposeful bridges of friendships for networking. Rather than belittling our self-esteem, which society had conspired to be subjectively submissive in all ramifications. Nothing is as endearing as having the grace to pay your own bills independently, before contemplating marriage. Marriage is a school even our parents are still battling to come off, with a good degree. If they honestly tell us what they had to put up with, we'll learn that even your own peace is not enough for marriage. But if we must err, then let them not hide under the illusion of their holiness to crucify, those who opt to rather be worldly. Than be dependent-puppets in the hands of such "comfortable or financially stable" men.


 Relationship is deeper than handouts. Build character in them rather than be blinded by material things, yet critic runs. And it all starts with friendships, even a serious relationship at a point in it function was a friendship of a sort. Although there are no definite age for marriage but on S&M it is crowded by sexes in there 20s, both broke ass guys and girls. So also, permit me to use the derogatory as used by fellow bvs "fuckboys and girls."



I met 3 guys in the very first edition of S&M, when email was it. Two of them were too ego driven, maybe because they were comfortable and financially mature. But attitudinal immature. I come from a comfortable home too, so there was nothing they have on offer that has the X factor. They believed everything starts and end with money. They forgot the late MKO saying "Oju ti owo" (shame on money). When it was obvious his wealth could not save his 1st wife's from dying. But amongst those 3, one stood out. Financially we were worlds apart. I had blocked him like twice. I was so intolerant of him and very impatient too. His emails were so ordinary. Our whats app chats were "Hello" and "Hi". He persistently sent me mails.




 Eventually we became friends and stayed at it for 2yrs. Then I got to know he was a good, honest nice guy with a near empty pocket - I thought the good in him was there as a result of his being broke. Like they say, no one is more loyal than a broke. In those 2yrs, I grew to learn patience and tolerance. Which helped me mature. Today we are a couple - it was my choice, one of the best and most thoughtful thing I have done in my 33yrs. With 2 loving boys(twins), a peaceful home, a very adequate and understanding spouse and with our last pregnancy. A year and some months into dating, I took him to meet with my parents. And for the very first time, since I started dating "comfortable guys." My parents called me aside and told me, I brought a different guy with a good personality. 



There opinion at that time didn't really matter, because I already saw in him beyond whatever they'd seen. And that thing is what all my exes never had. My life journey was peaceful with him, and has remained that way. They were not surprised when we chose to marry. We have an understanding that respects each other spaces, which could be akin to beyond comprehension. And compromised a lot of our ego for our happiness. I had read virtually all books relating to dating, relationships and marriage. Attended lots of singles programme. But none prepared me for my marriage. Because I got to understand that eventually we are the architect of our peace and happiness. Nothing is as easy as written. We trusted more regardless, found our joy and stuck to it, regularly watering and manuring it. It comes with it hurdles. But the resolve to stay married to our happiness, exceeds our individual desires. At the very beginning of dating, he exhibited signs of being married, as stated by Joro in one of his posts as posted by you some weeks ago.



 I remember crying to my Aunty that I have fallen in love with a married guy. She asked how I found out, and I pointed out all the red flags. Then she laughed, and said oftentimes, things are not as plain or easy as they seem in our heads. That rather than wallowing I should seek clarity and be even more prayerful. To think that today, I married a broke I met on your blog still amazes me. I work and earn very well, but he earns a little more than me now. He was the only poor guy I ever dated, and he is the best of them lot. Interestingly he is Igbo, from Imo, while I am Yoruba, from Ekiti.



S&M is a fantastic platform, but many like me then, often go in there with the wrong intention, motive and notion. For whatever it is, remove the ecstatic kid off the reserved adult you are claiming to be. Be accommodating, patient, with the characters you meet there. Most have a big status than we assume, others are people hoping for goodness, a minority are leeches. Sieve through, be less judgemental, be open-minded, we all have our flaws. You just might not see what the person you contacted or vice versa, is going through at that point within the circle of their lives. Like a friend I kept close, also from other edition of S&M. Often tells me: people come into our path for various reason(s), be cautious, find the purpose and reconcile it with God. Some people are just helplessly good, simple or pain. And meant no harm, other could be a disease to our healthy life. 


If you find a good character or personality on S&M keep them close. You don't know why the universe brought them your way. We can't always eat our cakes and still have them. I realise the good ones are often the most irritants.


Thank you Stella, your S&M is a success for me and I'm grateful that it gave me the man I needed, irrespective of the one I wanted. You gave us joy I never thought existed with today's guys. Don't be deceived, many have profited and benefited from S&M but aren't coming forth. I was a part of that until now.
Bv Desola







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PROPERTY NAME


I recently got access to acquire house project loan with a prepayment plan of 30years.

While sourcing for land i got an opportunity of a cheap and reliable one which i can easily pay half payment for to secure it while i pay the balance later.

Now my actual issue, which name do i use on documentation of this land.

Note that i am married with 4 kids and i have a very good job.
My husband on the other hand is not financially stable, he his a good father and sometimes take care of us when he has money.

I have been the one sustaining the home.

There are records of him cheating on me though and emotional abuse but for sometime now, he has changed and we are patching the marriage.

With many stories going round, i really don't want to make mistakes on this particular property due to the fact that i will be paying for it through most of my life.

If i take my husband completely out of the plan, how do i explain to my children when they grow up? Will he support me building it?

How do i handle building project by myself knowing the type of country and state we are.

And if i use my husband name to purchase the land, won't he deny me and my children?Will he now take all the glory of my hardwork

Will his family not lay claim on my property?
Note that he his igbo while i am Yoruba.
I need advise please.




Please buy your property in your name alone but if you are so uptight about it and care to what people say,then buy it in your kids names but do not include his............Its like buying something with someones name...if they come to claim it,how will you explain it is not theirs when the receipt says so?

Be smart!!!





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TEEJAYS CORNER

WHY ARE YOUR PRAYERS NOT ANSWERED?....



So often I have heard people talked and asked why aren't their prayers been answered, or are there a set out standard in praying. I read a comment sometime ago about a lady who lamented on how she has prayed and fast, yet there seems to be no answers forth coming. She went further to say, "God doesn't love me, else He would have given ears to my supplications".


Why are some answers to prayers delay? Could there be a reason for such delay?.


In one of the biblical record, we read how Daniel prayed and an answer was delivered his way but there comes the Prince of Persia who withheld the answer. After a period of twenty one days through the intervention of an Angel, Daniel got the message.


Sometimes what we had prayed for may have been released to us long ago but we are spiritually blind to see or understand about the devices of the enemies, and as such we begin to question the power of God. "We shouldn't be ignorant of the devices of the devil" says the scripture. Always pray with the knowledge that there is a set time for an answers to all prayers.


Another reason for an unanswered prayers is praying amiss and in doubt. One who visit the herbalist believes so much on the potency of the charms received. You see them with so much trust and confidence that they are willing to do anything to get an answer. There is this mindset that makes them believe in quick answers or solution to problems and with God in prayer, they feel it may be delayed. Even when they pray to God, they do that with doubt and even pray wrongly in most cases.


Faith is a major determinant in prayers to God being answered. One thing I am yet to understand when some persons pray is why they will be shouting and repeating of prayer request to God. Do they do that when they visit shrines? Even before you pray, God already knows the heart. You don't need to shout, jump, gyrate or even whip the wind with canes to get an answer to prayers. Who did come up with such mode of prayers?


Jesus prayed to God in a short words "Father I know You have always listen to me, hear me now so that this people will know You sent me". So simple... After that He exclaimed, Lazarus come forth!!! It was done. Peter at the beautiful gate, "silver and gold we have none but in the name of Jesus rise up and walk". It was done without stress, shouting or jumping.



Now let's look at Elijah prayers during the contest with the prophets of Baal. "At the time of sacrifice, the prophet Elijah stepped forward and prayed: “Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again.” you know the rest of that story how fire came down on the alter.



In summation, when you know the real God you serve, you don't need to panic at challenges or doubt when you pray. Just a few words from your lips in faith and God will honour His words. We shout and repeat words when we pray because we are in doubt. When you pray, be sure your intentions are right and do not put God to test with your request to know if He truly answer prayers.


TEEJAY.



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ACCOMMODATION NEEDED URGENTLY

Good day Dear Stella and bvs. Please I am in dire need of an accommodation in Abuja, specifically in areas like Zuba, kubwa, Jiri, or Maraba.. It should be a Single Room or A self Contain with water Supply. Please house agents on this blog or any bv with good info should Kindly contact me via this mail cokafor942@gmail.com.

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VACANCY

Juice factory in shomolu needs a driver and two factory workers
Driver's salary is 35,000 naira monthly.
Factory assistants- 20,000 naira each monthly.
Please call : 09035499530

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Raw Food Supplies Directly From Jos Markets.



Christmas is just around the corner. Looking for where to get your raw food supplies? Look no further as you can order for your Irish potatoes and fresh vegetables directly from Jos Market.

Call/WhatsApp 08037429000 to place your order today.
Bv Jostified Mom.

For those who tried contacting her before but complained she was unreachable,it was because her phone had problems but she has fixed it..Please contact for business if what she sells interests you...Thank you.

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C200 Mercedes Benz 2004 model automatic transmission, registered Nigerian used
Price: 1.2 million naira (slightly negotiable)
Location: Lagos
Color silver
In good condition.
Buy and drive away.

Call 09072300391 if interested

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NEEDED URGENTLY

Please we urgently need supplies for 5000MT+ of crushed PETs Bottles, from anywhere in Nigeria or in Neighboring African countries @ 100/kg. We'll come pick it up from your location. Dealers should contact me on 08069413834




crushed pets bottles?Please oh does anyone know what this is?




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Selling out my infinix HOT5 gold.
USED: 3 months.
In a perfect working condition.
Price: #30,000
Location is Bayelsa.


Contact: 07011949578

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Accommodation NEEDED URGENTLY

Good day Dear Stella and bvs. Please I am in dire need of an accommodation in Abuja, specifically in areas like Zuba, kubwa, Jiri, or Maraba.. It should be a Single Room or A self Contain with water Supply. Please house agents on this blog or any bv with good info should Kindly contact me via this mail cokafor942@gmail.com.





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AVAILABLE FOR SALE

Location: VILLA ASOKORO.
7Bedroom in suite
1Self contain chalet
2bedroom BQ
Swimming pool
Good parking space
C of O available
PRIZE: 600M



2) 750sqm and 730sqm land available for sale
Location: FHA LUGBE
Title: FHA
Prize: 6M each
Contact: 08037311417.





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I have new,authentic,lovely and affordable Christmas arrivals for sale. Tops are available from as low as 3k and dresses from 5k. Tops, dresses,shoes, skirts, jeans and bags available.

In the spirit of Christmas, I would be giving away 500 recharge cards in any network for the first 3 callers , no strings attached.

Please call desleek Couture on ; 08052834338
Instagram:@desleekcouture





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DJ NEEDED URGENTLY



I am in need of a dj to play at at event on the 18th on the island( ikate). Please let your price be fair. Send a mail about service charge to forandrioddownload@gmail.com





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LOOKING TO BUY A PHONE IN PORT-HARCOURT


In the spirit of black Friday, I'm looking to buy an iPhone 6plus. It could be new or premium used but please let it be very neat and not a stolen phone, and also very affordable.

I'm resident in Portharcourt and will pay on delivery.
Thanks, I could be reached by 07064670927







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DIAPERS FOR SALE

We’re a wholesaler of molfix and virony diapers, wipes and detergent. You can contact us for all sizes at wholesale price.08020657417 or visit our store at awoyaya. We also offer free delivery service to those living in awoyaya. Ps. Those outside awoyaya will have to pay for delivery.






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