STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
OVER-REACTING OR NOT?
Good day Stella,
Am a blog visitor please i need your advice and that of blog visitors.
I got married last year April to my best friend,i sent you how i met him in 2016..
We didn't have much before we got married infact we wanted a low key wedding before his parents and mine decided to sponsor our wedding.
Good day Stella,
Am a blog visitor please i need your advice and that of blog visitors.
I got married last year April to my best friend,i sent you how i met him in 2016..
We didn't have much before we got married infact we wanted a low key wedding before his parents and mine decided to sponsor our wedding.
After the wedding his business and mine packed up,my customers kept buying on credit because i didn't have a shop and contracts stopped coming for him(estate management and bet shops).customers just stopped coming to all the bets shops for no reason,we fasted and prayed till we closed down and sold almost everything just to feed.
The first few months was so terrible,tank God for my mum and his dad,as God would have it i got pregnant and since then our lives changed completely
Contract started rolling in and we started saving,hubby doesn't go out except on work bases,not the type that hang out with boys,go to parties together even when i was heavy with our son,we attended all my antenatal classes together,was with me when i gave birth,in short we are always together,he doesn't have close friends except his brothers(4boys).
We love our privacy a lot,his mum and mine comes once a while to visit,this man takes care of me and our baby(had him April ).
Gives me 10k at the end of the month which i don't touch because he gives me everything i ask,opened an account for our son,bought me the latest phone,anything he buys for himself he buys for me too,take us out,buys everything our baby needs,anytime i buy anything for our son he gives me back my money,sends money to my parents once in a while,in short he puts his son and i first.
He told me he was going to give me 3 or 4Million next year from our savings to start up a business and he will do same since his job is not everyday thing besides he doesn't want me to look for cooperate work,only for him to tell me 2weeks ago that he wants us to go into game and bar business together(there is money in it because where we are,they don't have stuffs like that).
He begged for us to do it together instead of splitting money for business,i agreed after i thought about all the benefits from it.now we argue almost everyday,we will agree on one thing and then he comes back with another(either his brothers idea or our neighbour friend).
Now he has involved his brother(second born,he is the first),he comes everyday to our house now for updates.They go out everyday to buy one thing or the other for the shop,its a big project.
He just told me last night that his brother will be working with us too,that i will be closing around 6pm,his brother will drop me and our son at home everyday.i just lock up,that wasn't the plan besides there will be 4 to 6 staffs working with us.i need my own money too,how will i take care of my parents and my needs too,i feel he is just been selfish.
Though he said i will be the manager,but he is making it all about himself,telling all his friends about his new project .yesterday he was telling me how he wants "his office" to look like,he asked me about what name should be there,gave him names that he rejected only for him to come up with a name.
Whenever he ask for my opinion,he does another.And if i talk he will say i get angry easily,he is doing it for us,meaning am OVER REACTING,when we had nothing where were this people he is involving now, ain't we suppose to be doing all the running around together?our son is just 9months,how do i cope and he doesn't want him in day care till he is ready for school next September.please am over reacting?
Hmmmm this project might break your Marriage if care is not taken...Please look for your own Business to do where you will be Boss and make your own decisions..Tell him you want to do your own thing,make him see reason and stop getting angry.......I dont think there is much you can do at this rate cos he is already excited about the project.....Please dont take this South oh.....
Money can cause problems if not handled well....
I think since a third and fourth party has been involved it's better you look for your own little business to do and tell him in a very gentle and mild way. It is well.
ReplyDeleteKritiq or whatever name they call you unfortunate child that came out of the womb with her two left legs because your large forehead nearly exploded the vagina, the nurses had to force you out through your tilipia looking legs
DeleteStay off my lane before fire burn you
Otee
Na wah ooh!!!
DeleteUr case is a sensitive one, so don't be too hasty, go to God in prayers and tell him to give u calm and open ur eye spiritually, that ur home be well protected. He does mega well in taking care of u guys, so don't let this one bring dishrmony
DeleteThe truth is that if you keep complaining you will finally end this marriage, I started my business all by myself and when my hubby saw how determined I was he started contributing.
DeleteYou have to start saving out of the little he gives you, cus men can change when money comes in, even if you are working with him, he will hardly pay you cus he will call it “our family business” yet you will be the jacky working for free.
Try not to fight with him, after sex just beg him to give you 500k/ 1million naira so you can start something that you will have for yourself, Don’t ask for too much so that he doesn’t think much of it. Just tell him to run his business with his brother and that it’s not safe for your kids to be around grown ups. Just say anything but I am telling you now that husband and wife no dey do business together, one person must be the jacky
I know success stories of couples who partnered in business but i honestly don't think its for everyone.
ReplyDeleteYour husband seems like an open guy cos he carries you along and if your only concern is how you will make money then its simple.. He will place you on salary as the manager.No sentiments, no abeg else you get a job or business.
About your baby not going to creche ,you will have to get a live in nanny or at least an "office nanny" while you attend to work.
All the best
.... in other words he doesnt put you and your son first as you earlier said.
ReplyDeleteMadam, for the sake of your peace of mind & intact marriage, dash him that business, all of it! Even if its recharge card bizz, do that one & get peace and respect, small time his brothers will say uve insulted them then wahala will burst.
Money brings out the real character of a man.
ReplyDeleteNow is not the time to start fighting, at the point he reneged on his promise you should have told him no point blank but the way it is now this project is almost done and you don’t want to be seen as an enemy of progress.
ReplyDeleteYou keep letting him make the big decisions which is why it’s easy for him to box you in a corner -“he doesn’t want me to look for a corporate job, he doesn’t want this and that”.
I’d ask you to be honest with yourself Madam, WHAT DO YOU WANT? What do you want to do with your life? Forget about this project, it’s HIS now from all indications and I won’t be surprised if he decides to make his brother the manager when it’s up and running. Just think of what you can do especially something you are good at, draw up a plan and raise the money for it or ask him to contribute his quote. Ensure you only discuss these plans after you’ve decided and you’re sure about it so he doesn’t discourage you. Do something for you first and forget about this joint affair, it surely causes a lot of tension between couples.
Thank you o, he even wants you to keep working with your baby, nawa o.
DeleteHe should just get your own this as a settlement for being a good wife
Thank u Dop. It's high time we women start living for ourselves already! Arrghhh.....
DeleteMust our being be all about satisfying men???
I was like this years ago and guy didn't even appreciate it and always took me for granted.
Until I advised myself and found d woman in me again.
Can't type much but please, by all means, do what makes YOU happy too cos we only live once and life is short!
Just a pity it has come like this especially when you put brother or sister in your business.
ReplyDeleteSince you are the manager put your ears down if not OYO will be yours.
You can start another business and tell him you guys should expand by creating another business different from this.
Good luck
Wow! This is a very serious situation, I understand you need your own money. I think you should follow Madam Stella's advice. Try to stop getting angry, your husband is excited about this project & he obviously can't see anything wrong in his doings. You can relax & go with the flow, see how it goes then make a decision if it is not favoring you in the financial department, then you can come up with your own business or job. Thank God you have been saving, so keep saving & when the time comes you can make a right decision & have some cash to stand on plus the one he will/might give you. It is well, wisdom fall upon you & your husband.
ReplyDeleteI have a serious problem with people who say one thing and do the other. I just cannot deal. I am not perfect but I try to keep my own end of the bargain, you keep yours. I guess it’s time to have your own business it’s as simple as that. Good luck with that.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, consider these. If not for you then for your boy. Am if not used as a question is actually I’m. Staff = staff no s. Also use your space bar after each punctuation mark. What else? You guys shouldn’t say I am insensitive to her plight. I can’t come and be saying in another post chronicle poster from yesterday. I’m open to correction too.
I hate associating with such people too, very useless to advice and deal with.
DeleteCan't u just advice without correcting,ode.
DeleteI also hate it, we finish making plans and then you change it, is he the only one excited about business? Aunty just do your own thing or else you will keep getting frustrated especially when his brothers decisions and yours are opposite
DeleteYour story is incomplete. From what you said, your the reason your husband got broke in the first place. You drive him to poverty and now the guy man done realize him self. How can your husband be with you 24/7? You think that is a good thing? You can’t eat your cake and keep it. A man needs to go out interact with people know the inn things and bring money back home. I see a lot of men hanging out with their wife/lovers 24/7 checked them very well, the man will be broke, he is killing time rather than seek for money. Same thing about a couple on my street, the young man is always wearing shorts following his wife about, market o he go follow, her shop o he go follow. I just look at him and SMH. In my head I said no wonder you are poor. Madam you can do your thing alone, but please let him do his too.
ReplyDeleteYour line seemed as if na only tissue paper fill your brain but made notable points in the other words
DeleteStop bashing the poor woman
And you poster, to avoid the whole thing
Cut your husband dick
Freeze it and carry around since you want no one around him
Walahi you sound foolish, instead of you to say you are jealous of your neighbor you are busy yarning rubbish. Do you see how jobless you are yourself? You follow your neighbor around knowing where and where they are going. If you like don’t make your wife happy, spend your 24hours outside because you think you will be dangote
DeleteThis requires dilligence and wisdom to handle. Now friends and family members are involved, you just need to be careful and prayerful so everything works out well. meanwhile, you continue to save up and with time, you can suggest having your personal business, so money won't pull down your home
ReplyDeleteFollow Stella's advice.
ReplyDeleteMake your own dream come through
Follow Stella's advice.
ReplyDeleteMake your own dream come through
Just let him know that you want your own business, tell him that you are no longer comfortable with a joint business. Let him set you up with what you are passionate about. Also clarify the extent to which his brother would be involved in the business. If he insists that you have to be involved in the business, make sure that you don't allow his brother to 'boss' you around. Be cautious about your finances when the business commences. Always let him know about your grievances but with love and patience.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete'Whenever he ask for my opinion,he does another' so if you give an opinion, is it compulsory he MUST take it? Aunty you need to come down. If he is always shutting your ideas down, it's either the ideas are inferior or not workable or he is ego centric. So which is it?
ReplyDeleteAlso you said 'Are we not supposed to be doing the running around together?
You have a 9 month old baby to breastfeed or feed from whatever source and and vagina and stomach that may probably still needs healing. Are you not even happy that 'running around' is one less head ache for you?
I personally don't like this husband and wife business.
I see you through out the day like we are gummed at the hip.
No.
Have your interests, I have mine.
If one industry caves in, at least the other industry can sustain the family before things pick up again.
Oh and madam, a poor man is very very humble.
Once money enters his hand, you will see the true colours.
Buckle up, it's gon' be a loooooooong ride.
'Whenever he ask for my opinion,he does another' so if you give an opinion, is it compulsory he MUST take it? Aunty you need to come down. If he is always shutting your ideas down, it's either the ideas are inferior or not workable or he is ego centric. So which is it?
ReplyDeleteAlso you said 'Are we not supposed to be doing the running around together?
You have a 9 month old baby to breastfeed or feed from whatever source and and vagina and stomach that may probably still needs healing. Are you not even happy that 'running around' is one less head ache for you?
I personally don't like this husband and wife business.
I see you through out the day like we are gummed at the hip.
No.
Have your interests, I have mine.
If one industry caves in, at least the other industry can sustain the family before things pick up again.
Oh and madam, a poor man is very very humble.
Once money enters his hand, you will see the true colours.
Buckle up, it's gon' be a loooooooong ride.
This ain't funny one bit, especially as he has involved his brother, that's a disaster waiting to happen.As it stands now, you can't do much, just watch as things unfold and don't even think of quarrelling about the whole situation. Allow the business take off and then quietly start asking for money to start up something for yourself, just leave them to it and take care of your son while you think of a business idea.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I have read you have a great husband, your problem is that he is changing and that you feel like you are now losing him as his attention is now divided . Remove yourself from the business slowly and just be happy for him. You are lucky to have a man who has a passion for something, many live a passionless life. Support him, enjoy his now found passion as he discovers himself. Let this business start up and when it's solid he can start up yours if you still want. Don't let money bring problems to your home..
ReplyDeleteTank you and God bless
DeleteI equally think you should do your own thing. Do not allow the current situation make you resentful cos you're headed there. Pay attention to what is going on so you can spot out a potential problem in the business because right now, your man is pretty excited as anyone would be about this new project, so it's up to you to have his back. Just step back for now and watch. This life is whatever we want it to be, hard or easy. How do you want yours?
ReplyDeletemarriage is not a bed of roses.just get your own business running. your husband may regret involving his broda
ReplyDeletePlease you guys should stop talking as if it's a bad thing to involve one's siblings in their business..... What if it was your own brother that was involved it would have been perfect right, the truth is you don't want anyone around your husband which is not too good, I have a boutique that my brother is managing for me I only send goods to him and I have no regrets for the past 3years, I pay him, so you expect me to allow an outsider to run it when my brother is jobless... Please let's learn to accommodate others
DeleteOmosexy
Convince him to give you money to start yours.
ReplyDeletePls do your own thing, how many couple do you see doing same business?
ReplyDeleteMadam stop being hurt, from whatever you have now start saving up cos its gonna rain. A man with money do sometimes get carried away and return with his tails between his legs to his wife for succor when he crashes. Start saving now without him knowing ooo..so that you will not suffer when he crashes!!! Pray for your home too
ReplyDeletePls try and start saving your own money. Leave this one for your husband and start your own business thereafter. I noticed you let him take all the decisions and even the one pertaining to your life as well. You need to know what you want and stand by it, stop letting him make all the decisions for you because by the time you realize it, it will be difficult to curb. Try to let him know you want to start your own personal business and he should give you some money to start with. Just take it easy and stop getting angry or nagging. Money really brings out characters you don't know existed in people, but at least your husband is passionate about the business and not spending it lavishly.
ReplyDeleteAll will be well
If you must take stella's advice Please not now. Support your husband,help him grow. Be patient with him for a year or two.alllw him be the boss...Whenever he ask for your opinion about any other thing concerning the business tell him to look within that he will find the answer pls do it with love, save while at it and stop complaining. Your husband is a good man and he is not stingy. Don't worry you will support your parents lol woman and parents. When you see that the business is thriving you can start then start your own business.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for the advice,may God bless u all.@invincibleB noted.
Delete👏🏼
DeleteHello Poster let me offer you this piece of advise and let me be mean to you a little and please don't take offence.. You see, when a man is making power move, sometimes, when he asks his wife for advise, it is not because he wants to follow the advise to the latter. It is because he wants to get another opinion of what can go wrong. You see women are pragmatist while men ain't.
ReplyDeleteThe best business is a business run in unison. But realize who the boss is. In every spectrum of business there must be hierarchy and your husband is exercising his. Don't even think to distract him by nagging and complaining about these your trivial matters. Stop making it all about you and support him. I get that you are jealous because you think yous ain't as close as you used to be but that's life. The vibe i'm getting from you is you are very demanding and secretive. Maybe he's finally ready to get a bit of space from you and your acting up will only lead him far from you.
I'm telling you this from experience not second guessing. Don't bring up any alternate plan to his ears or you might set him off. When I was opening my first business, I had the same complaint.. Ooh you didn't tell me this, you didn't tell me before you paid for that. At a time I just shut off and didn't tell her anything anymore because I couldn't spend the next 30 mins explaining.
Your husband is under a lot of pressure please don't add to it.
Now let me advise on what you need to do... First of all give him a listening ears even if you don't agree don't show it. Take a step back from being his business partner for now and be a house wife. He's your husband not your colleague and vice versa. Try to read up on the story of why Donald Trump left Ivana Trump then maybe you will get my point. Trump explains... 'I feel after a while, she became my colleague rather than my wife. I wanted to come home to laugh and play with my wife and kids not talk business. My home became an extension of my office' Not Verbatim but you get the drift. Sexist? Of course it is but remember if this works out, then you can spearhead another project headed by you. So madam start being his wife and not his colleague. Sorry for my gbaguns. Good luck.
Tanks and God bless you
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