Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Advertisement

Advertisement - Mobile In-Article

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmmm.................






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
HEART BROKEN



Good day Stella and blog family....I'm an anonymous BV and I'm heart broken.
I know we have read a lot of heart break stories but I just want to unburden myself....


I just had to call off a two year relationship because of tribe. He is the most amazing person i have ever met and now it had to end because of tribal differences. 

I grew up in his part of country and he grew up in my own part of the country, because of relocation we both reside in my state of origin...we met during service only to find out that we live close and attend the same church. 


The crux of the matter is that his family and even the people he looked up to for support who are even from my hometown are not in support of his marrying outside his tribe,reasons being that he is the first son of his parents and also the eldest son in his generation....


I love him so much and he loves me too.I don't know where to start from,he is the best man I have ever met.

I'm in my late 20's and he is a few years older than i am. It's so hard letting him go..Two years just gone...

How do i move on? Where do I start from? Such a good man is hard to find...
I pray God gives me the strength to move on and send me a soul mate. 

Thanks in anticipation of your advice.



*This is happening cos of tribe? And you both listened to them?what a pity!
If you ant to move on then leave that environment where both of you can easily have access to each other.....

I don't know about finding a good man but you will find a man..stop crying over spilt milk and give yourself an open mind to love again..Maybe he is not the right man for e praises you shower on him....A man who really loves you will stand up for love no matter what anyone says..He will dare his parents and disown them if they try to stand in his way...I have seen it happen....

Eldest son in his generation indeed.....what an old fashioned troublesome family...abeg slap yourself out of fantasy he built around you and move...

60 comments:

  1. Be strong, you'll be fine. A good man would come your way again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am with Stella. Poster maybe you are being saved from what you will regret. I see you avoiding plenty drama if you let go.

      Delete
  2. Supposing God has already sent a soulmate and you both have "love" that is not as strong as death.
    How really do some "Christians" do courtship without God's direction and even when he does, it is thrown away for flimsy excuses? Now, it is same church, but different tribes?
    Search out the scriptures in the songs of Solomon that love is as strong as death.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please can you or anyone explain that part in Songs of Solomon where it says don't awaken love until it pleases.

      Delete
  3. Its so hard trying to relate with people who don't see life the way you do. As good as it feels to still enjoy some cultural values, some should be totally, unrevokedly eradicated. That's why so many people are suffering today. Was chatting with a neighbor earlier, about how you can be married and still be a woman of your own, whosai, our culture this, culture that. It's a pity dear poster. May you find strength to do what will make you eternally happy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Songs of Solomon 8:6

    You both do not love yourselves enough.
    You are not jealous FOR each other.
    Something smaller than death was able to separate you.
    Make a personal study on love from the scriptures and understand what godly marriages are built on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Since that is the case it is best she moves on.

      Delete
  5. I'm sorry about how you're feeling.

    What's your guy saying about it? Is he just going with the flow?

    Commit your ways unto the Lord and He shall direct your path.

    Talk to God in prayer, maybe he isn't the right person, maybe its worth fighting for.

    God bless

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The guy cannot say anything because people of their age are still considered young to talk in Nigeria. It's had to see a 30yrnold man face his parents to talk .

      Delete
  6. I'm sorry but anytime I read stories here like this; I ask myself why are you Nigerians being so tribalistic? Like what the heck! Why all these conditions attached to finding love and why are the new generation allowing your old folks push this stone age mentality to most of you? If I'm you poster, I will break off nothing with the guy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's because of what the eye has seen my dear. One naija one naija, when push comes to shove the inlaws will say you're not one of us

      Delete
    2. AConcernedNigerian29 January 2019 at 16:36

      So true anonymous 15:37, my in-laws who are from the same place as me told me to my face that I am not a member of their family...after 13 years of marriage, Fortunately my husband stood up for me. Thank God that he has shown that he can't be there for you now, before you dive in. Trouble some and meddling in-laws are a major headache...constant battles are tiring.

      Delete
  7. Which kin love dey run away when you say taa?
    Wetin my Naija girls dey call love na fork o.
    "I love you, I love you" during jigijigi no be love o.
    Love na when wahala come full like this one wey this sisi come write and both of una say "whosai". We dey go on , if you wan join come join.
    "I love you" during illegitimate pounding (of tohtoh), na "I love fork" that one come mean.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaaa!!! I love this ANG. Don't I?

      Delete
  8. Take heart, you find another good man... Be strong dear

    ReplyDelete
  9. Stella has said it all...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yaba left escapee29 January 2019 at 15:20

    Awwwww....
    Heartbreak pain pass razor cut sha, ive been there, but dont rule out the possibility of finding another awesome person just yet, its only someone that hasnt been to Paris or Belgium that'd say Abuja is fine, your horizon hasnt been expanded yet, no worry yourself, like i said.. ive been there, but like Celine dion said in her song "i had to fall to finally see" she was right infront of me, ive suffered different forms of heartbreak, even when i got robbed, that was financial heartbreak sha, but romantic heartbreak.. ive been there & ive perfected the art in finding love again, i can paint a Masterpiece, maybe cus i know where to go trip & fall in love again, but theres always someone better, finding them is the wahala, even at your job, theres always someone that'd do it better & possibly for half your salary, but finding the right compass to navigate your way is the problem.
    Same thing before the Nazi of Germany gased ppl in that concentration camp, i mean who knew the Jews were innocent? Pls what was their crime? He claimed they were spreading diseases.. so sad, even more heartbreaking when a write-up on the wall read "if theres a God he'd have to beg for our forgiveness"... 6million ppl, now the world population is 7.7billion, yet condom adverts have stopped & HIV awareness is on the rise, this is fuckedup..UNICEF why? Even after establishing on 11 December 1946 by the United Nations to meet the emergency needs of children in post-war Europe and China...
    I'm tired of humanity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahaha how you join everything together soteee I come dey wonder wetin concern Genocide and UNICEF inside this tori

      Delete
    2. You really need to stay longer in yaba, you are not ready for the real world. What an incoherent comment!

      Delete
    3. @YLE😁😁😁😁😁😁
      Poster, you will be fine. Time heal all things.

      Delete
    4. Naa...please he needs a drug refill... Hahahaha

      Delete
    5. You did this on purpose... You should start paying for the trips you catch on this blog everyday..πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚...

      Delete
    6. Person don skip drugs oh

      Delete
    7. What is this one even saying self, me I am more confused from reading this I have forgotten the advice I wanted to give.

      Delete
    8. Lmao! The first part definitely made sense

      Delete
    9. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha..... I'm lost

      Delete
    10. Is everything alright?

      Delete
  11. Old fashioned family ......if you force yourself into that family it won't end well. Give him space and give yourself time , you'll be alright.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Since he is not ready to fight for your LOVE, move on okay?!

    ReplyDelete
  13. You probably just dodged a toxic family. In this day and age these reasons don't hold water except he's family are not learned. If he loves you he won't budge he will fight for you but having said that it comes with heat.ig there is no hope for the relationship then let go , another one will come just make sure you heal completely. You attracted a good guy before, you will attract another so take your L in peace and keep it moving

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you just assumed she is non-toxic?

      Delete
  14. Sorry to say, but the both of you are FOOLISH! !!!!!!!!!!
    if he could let go and not assure you of his willingness to go through with this, then I don't understand what is good about him.

    If you could let go of a 'good man' because of tribe, then you deserve everything you have gotten. In fact, I wish you a thousand more heart breaks.
    Your mates are marrying foreigners and you are here complaining about tribal differences. Start looking for your tribe nah.

    I am with a guy who is from a place my family does not like, and I am also from a place his family does not like. From day one we talked about it and made up our minds that we will be together for as long as we want to, whether anybody gives approval or not.

    Such mediocre reasoning.



    I am sooooooo pissed.


    Please nurse your heartbreak while you live your whole life wishing you had followed your heart.


    Sacrificing a good man on the altar of tribe ; Such FOLLY and backwardness.

    I will only forgive you if it is the man that called it off, because he has no balls to go through with it .

    My cousin is marrying a lady that is not From our tribe that already has a child. Mama don shout tire, all of us don kukuma close mouth because he has made it clear that it is solely his decision to make and not ours.

    Keep seeking community validation and approval.

    Pukes and walks out of post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You really carry am for head like gala

      Delete
  15. choi heart break matter always gives me headachea biko. pls move on,what will be will be. he wasnt made for u i guess.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Babe. How is the guys reactions towards this issue. Is he encouraging you to move on?. If yes. forget it, its not his parents that are said he should not marry you.. He is talking on behalf of his parents. He has stopped loving you and does not know how to face you then he decided to use his parents as a cover up.
    If he feels deeply sad about the matter, he wants you to hang in there till he convince his parents, then, take heart. Its not his fault.Let him go. Life is a journey. Take it as one of your experience in life. Never say Never, love better than that will locate you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with Zaram. In fact for some couples, when the girl shows too much love, the guy becomes irritated and pulls back or out completely. They then come with yeye stories. Poster I suspect you love the guy too much, far beyond what you think he feels for you. Keep it moving dear and find a place you will be accepted.

      Delete
  17. He didn't love u enough

    ReplyDelete
  18. Just move on and move out of that environment for your sanity..
    I pray love finds you again..

    ReplyDelete
  19. He obviously does not love you enough to go against the grain and stick with you. My dear, at least your eyes have been opened and you see that family comes first for him. Please do not let him seduce you into any affairs or use you when he marries the woman that he wants to. Make a clean break and find a man for whom you are the center of his universe. Sometimes what we think is the ceiling is just the floor, you may think you are so in love now, but I tell you that there are other men in this world who will make you feel like you are floating on clouds everyday and this one is not it.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Poster just move on with ur life... If he is yours it must surely come to past.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that guy had no intention of getting married to you. Yes he loves you in his own way, but he sucked his sense of duty from his mother's milk and he knew from day one that it would not be forever. He probably thought your family would stand against it and you would succumb but unfortunately you stuck like a tick so he had know option but to go about the breakup like thIs.
    Ordinarily, this realization ought to come upon you when he announces his marriage in a few months but this is like a heads up ok?
    Gather yourself together and move on...

    ReplyDelete
  22. Im so Sorry poster.... At least you found love for a brief time. What of us whose love has been rejected by the only ones we can ever seem to love. Its a torturous cell. Take heart, hopefully you will come through this stronger and better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eyaaaaa, same happened to me. It was so painful, even physically. To love someone wholeheartedly and completely and have that person toss you aside without a second thought hurts. Anyhoo life must go on. I vehemently made up my mind to move on. I am doing just that.

      Delete
  23. Madam Stella thank for your red pen on this matter joor. The guy no serious u better snap out of that fantasy.

    ReplyDelete
  24. hmm reminds me of my brother (igbo- first son) and his edo/ yoruba girlfriend.
    In inter tribal relationships, its advisable to find out the family's opinion on spouses' from the other tribe from the onset of the relationship IMO
    Your boyfriend probably succumbed to "family pressure" because trust me baby girl you wouldnt want to be in a place where you are not welcomed

    ReplyDelete
  25. Poster count your blessings. My husband's family didn't want us to marry because I'm American and he's the only son (igbo). He stood up to them. They stopped speaking to him for more than a year. See depression. We got married and these ppl are trying to make my life hell. They're upset that I don't behave like a typical igbo daughter in law. Excuse me, I'm not a typical igbo daughter in law. Hubby is so traumatized from being outcasted he has no spine to tell his parents to back off. If I try to stand up for myself (I won't tolerate disrespect all in the name of his parents being older than me), I'm labeled as disrespectful. Hubby isn't on my side because he's afraid of his family. I wish he hadn't stood up for me. I resent him. Poster, count your blessings. Avoid the drama. It isn't worth it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with Michumz even if his people succumb to pressure, the wahala you might face might not be worth it in the long run after love disappears. Count your losses and move on poster especially if his family is igbo

      Delete
    2. What is it about igbo families?

      Delete
    3. So even his siblings ostracized him? Because the siblings would usually stick together regardless of the parents. For some ppl tradition and culture comes before all else. Unlike you I could not marry into a family where I know there is overt animosity towards me. You yourself are brave for even going there. If a man's family does not like me I will not marry him no matter how much he loves me or I him. My peace of mind supercedes everything in life even romantic love. I wish you both the best, perhaps some counseling would help you both.

      Delete
    4. You resent him but won't help him make peace with his family. What kind of helper / wife are You? If he does tomorrow what will be your gain? Keep forming americana. This is marriage not Hollywood movie. Grow up

      Delete
    5. The siblings also turned their backs on him (herd mentality). Honestly if I had known it would turn out like this I would have never gone through with the marriage. Hubby isn't interested in counseling but I go to individual sessions.

      Delete
    6. Michumz, you had better not allow outsiders that say they're your husband's family members scatter your marriage. If your marriage scatters, they'll say "We said it!" And that'll be the reference point for that community.

      As your husband is now (and no, I don't know either of you) he feels lost. He has been ostracised by his blood because he stood up to them by marrying you. Now, you that he risked it all for, are carrying your face for him and resenting him. In his mind, he has lost both ways.

      You and your husband are a TEAM. But you're allowing outsiders to terrorise your teammate? I don't mean to sound harsh but get over your resentment and do it QUICKLY. Go to counselling together; I don't know what kind of counsellor you're seeing but if they're not telling you that the person you're married to, should be part of the the counselling session - they're wasting your money. Unless you've told them you want to be divorced, because that's legit where you're heading.

      I don't know if you know God, but you and your husband need His help. You and your husband have to forgive each other - it is not easy to come from a manipulative family. That is what you should be forgiving him for. He will not kill all of them because of you. If he does, he would be a psychological. He wouldn't be the man you love. And it's not easy to be married to someone who shuts him out, either. So, you see two of you have forgiveness work to do. Pray together and ask Him to save your marriage. I don't understand this solo moves you're doing. You think men read minds?

      Also, ask yourself honestly - what are those things they want you to do? Yes, you're American but if those things aren't immoral, illegal and don't make you uncomfortable or demean you - can you at least discuss with your husband? Tip: if you discuss with him, you both decide which one you'll do. So that you present a united front. That way, they know not to start on you - they won't know between two of you, whose idea something really is.

      Delete
    7. Great advice. I appreciate it. Hubby refuses to attend counseling with me so I go with the hope that I can obtain something useful for the both of us. I've been praying and will continue to pray. Thank you.

      Delete
    8. Michumz, if he's not agreeing to attend counselling, talk to him about what's upsetting him. Talk TO not AT. And please, don't shout. From what you've said, your husband is not your enemy - you're just upset at each other.

      I pray that the God who used my marriage to show that He is my God, will stand up for you.

      Delete
  26. Dear poster, please cry to God. And ask Him honestly what you should do.

    That something seems easy, doesn't mean it is meant to be. That something seems difficult, doesn't mean God is not in it. If it was so, I wouldn't have been married to my husband today. When people (who said they're Christians) told me to leave my husband on top of so-called diagnosis, I told them "I will die here". I don't believe in those "for better, for worse" story; that is not in my Bible. But what is there that I adapted and told him is, "Where you go, I will go. Where you live, I will live. Nobody is dying anytime soon. I'm ready to accept your people as mine, as long as they don't give me trouble. Because your God is my God." I stood in the office of a top consultant in a hospital when I saw a medical report and told him with all his years of training and experience that he doesn't know what he's saying. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't usually argue with doctors; I can't argue with what I don't understand - graphs, charts, etc. Yet, I stood and told a man that trains people, that he is wrong. My husband was dumbfounded; he truly believes on some level that my head isn't correct and has made his peace with that. It wasn't bravado, oh. It was what I know and confirmed I heard God say before I ventured in. And when I am sure it's God I heard, I settle two things in my mind. #1 it's gonna be tough just because there's nothing God has ever promised me that came easy. Which leads me to #2 anything that shows up that is not what God told me, is merely a lie and cannot be the end result.

    Who doesn't have mad in-laws? The people that say they're my family are just as insane & diabolical as the ones that say they're my husband's family members. But seriously, so what? Talk to God, so that you'll know who is really opposing you.

    ReplyDelete
  27. My dear, seems you were in love with yourself unfortunately. we have all been there. I have seen people love someone in a special way and yet choose someone else. It could be that they actually do like you but do not see a future with you. It could be that they are just using you to pass time. On the other hand, he may love you but he can already see that you may not be happy if he marries you because you may face trials from his family. Thank God it happened now, not when you are married with kids

    ReplyDelete
  28. Stella this your advise today is decieving and false.
    You think this situation is rice and beans?
    Poster please monster the strength to move on,

    ReplyDelete

Disclaimer: Comments And Opinions On Any Part Of This Website Are Opinions Of The Blog Commenters Or Anonymous Persons And They Do Not Represent The Opinion Of StellaDimokoKorkus.com

Pictures and culled stories posted on this site are given credit and if a story is yours but credited to the wrong source,Please contact Stelladimokokorkus.com and corrections will be made..

If you have a complaint or a story,Please Contact StellaDimokoKorkus.com Via

Sdimokokorkus@gmail.com
Mobile Phone +4915210724141