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Friday, March 01, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
HELPING WHEN THERE IS ABUSE


Nwanyioma Stella,how every?

Please,I'm sending this chronicles on behalf of a friend in an abusive marriage.
I got to know about her marriage travails about three years ago,she moved out of his house on allegations she was flogged while pregnant after mild drama, she involved both families,all advised them to separate temporarily and solve their issues.

My friend however went back after a month or so, because of her kids whom were four and two, under the custody of the husband.


The man later blamed all on the devil and they moved on or so we thought.
She contacted me yesterday and said the violence increased despite their packaging in front of friends, family and SM.


She really did a good job covering up and all,I asked what her what she wants and she said full custody of kids.


He made her lose a job due to absenteism due to black eye years back,she started a side business that's involves her to go for further training she has paid for and he instructed to only go for school runs and never attend the training.
They equally live in the north and I don't know how FIDA or appropriate agencies work in this case.

Please,post this before ones loses a dear one unnecessarily.

Note: she doesn't want to involve her parents nor the guy's family as the first time didn't avail much. Although he abuses her in front of her siblings,who beg him.......What do I do?



*I don't know what you should do oh...After severally helping people on this Blog and having them shock me by going back after all the beatings and almost near death experiences,I have taken my hands off matters like this.....let me read advice given you...

69 comments:

  1. poster allow your friend to suffer in peace. people in abusive marriage don't leave. so I don't pity them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My sister is suffering the consequences of not taking a walk when she could. No child,husba hu contacted the big sickness and dash her and pastors where busy deciving her and she never confidered in her siblings until now. Doctor's are battling to save her life. Very pretty woman suffering unnecessaryly because of a wicked man that decived her into a sham marriage.women if it gets hot please take a work.

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    2. That's a lie . I took a walk but it was my choice to leave a violent marriage. Pls keep advising them. They don't known it gets worse with time.

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  2. I think ur friend should simply take it to court, sue him for custody of the kids & start afresh... it's never too late

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  3. He just woke up and started "caning" her. He will get up from the wrong side of his bed every morning and abuse her, flog her and even spit on her. She has no fault in all this. She's a saint. A very harmless person at that. The world would be a better place if women stopped giving half gists. What did your friend do? What role did she play? You rushed down here because you knew the angry and frustrated women here will surely support you as long as it involves a man. Domestic violence should be condemned by all and sundry, but you need to state the full story.

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    Replies
    1. kedu ife onye nkea na asito...

      when it happens to your sister or daughter , we will see if you will be asking for full gist.

      Delete
    2. No Caesar, you are the one who sounds angry and frustrated. If you hear the full story then what? Just hear yourself "the world will be a better place bla bla bla". Shut it since you dont have any positive contribution.Take some honey,you sound ugly and bitter.

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    3. Are you OK? No matter what a full grown woman do, even if is not a full grown woman. As far as she is your wife and the mother of your kids, you have no right to touch her. You can walk away or divorce her. Is people like you that give sick men licence to beat their wife to death all in the name of what did she do? You should be ashamed of yourself. Tell your friend to leave him, let her go to court. But let her get a good lawyer first.

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    4. you're a FOOL. Stella you need to stop posting such comments because they are triggering to victims. Although I understand free press.

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    5. Someone's life is in danger and you're looking for a full story. Go there and find out Okoronkwo koronkwo Quest.

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    6. Keep your hands to yourself1 March 2019 at 15:48

      Caesar you are a an idiot! How dare a man flog a grown ass woman? For what? We are talking about domestic violence here. To you death caused by domestic violence is justufiable. There is a video of a woman on social media poisoning her husband to death. I hope there is a reason for that right? You deserve that kind of woman. All supporters of domestic violence both men and women deserves jail term

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    7. It doesn’t matter what she did, she is the victim, if he is tried, he should divorce her. Nothing gives a man the right to beat a woman.
      Because if another man bigger than hi does the same thing, he will walk away, he will control his anger, but once it’s a woman you are stronger than you will remember you can’t control yourself, please go and beat army when they delay your bus or slap your boss when he shouts on you. You people always reserve the worse for your wives!

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    8. Caesar my father is EXACTLY as you describe. He will just wake up and start beating us. Nit just beating. Curses will be rained down on you steady too. I remember when one of our house girls ran away and people were trying to beg for her. She told them she would rather sleep under a trailer than return and she only felt sorry for us the kids. Some men are utterly wicked and depraved. I am sorry to say but you sound like one of them. Now my dad is an old man and aside from dropping money regaularly none of us go near him. Even in very old age he is still wicked!

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    9. This one is Mad sha!!! So there's an excuse for beating up a pregnant woman??

      Who are all these newbies on this blog abeg??

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    10. Attention seeker, hope you are satisfied with what you got so far? Okpokoro ishi.

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    11. Ceasar so if ur colleague at work annoys u, d next thing is to get a cane and flog the person or start beating the person up? Let women give their half stories but may u be beaten to a pulp, infact beyond recognition bcos u annoyed ur spouse. Amen

      Delete
    12. Dear Ceaser,
      I forgive you.
      With pains in my heart and tears in my eyes I forgive you.
      On behalf of the woman who's story is written here today, I forgive you.
      On behalf of all the victims of domestic violence I forgive you.
      On behalf of someone out there who would go to bed tonight afraid because they live with a monster, I forgive you.
      On behalf of a broken soul, I forgive you.
      As a child who watched her father beat her mother to a pulp I forgive you.
      As that 8 year old girl who slept at her mother's side while she was in the hospital in a coma from head injuries, I forgive you.
      As that child watched her father laugh over her mother's almost lifeless body, I forgive you.
      As that child who cried helplessly while he bashed her sister's face to a wall, I forgive you
      As a woman now, who still bears physical and mental scars from her childhood, I forgive you.


      But most importantly may the all knowing and all seeing God forgive you and bring you to the light.

      Delete
    13. I'm gonna comment just this one time because you just struck a really sensitive cord.
      No human being deserves to be on the receiving end of domestic violence

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    14. Just shut up you irritant!!!

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    15. Ceasar, its like you have not been reading the mental disorder posts.

      Your wife is not your child, keep your hands to yourself.

      Apologies to physically assaulted kids.

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    16. You are the fool of the year...NONSENSE

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    17. are you kidding me? what do you have to do to be spat on? that's like the most degrading thing someone can do, let alone to a spouse. sometime I think you people just comment to get people riled up, cuz I don't know how any right thinking person can say such

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    18. You're all just shouting at the guy that write his mind. Instead of you all shouting, why not leave your own advice for the poster.
      I'm not going to blame him because we all thinks differently.

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    19. Werey leleyi sha,i just have to comment on this post. Am sure you are thinking nd writing from your Anus. U need d full gist to validate the beatings, may this befall your loved ones. So pissed

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    20. @Ceaser, you are a beast!
      Just a waste of sperm!

      Delete
  4. By the way, she needs the support of her family during this period, she can't do it all alone. We have families for a reason... Support system!

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  5. Madam poster just mind your business sogbo? Your friend is not ready to leave,when she is fully ready she will borrow usain bolt shoes take tear run,but for now allow her to continue enjoying the beating like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for this comment.

      no one is as stubborn as a woman in abusive marriage. they can stubborn ehn.

      Delete
    2. Ur friend is not ready to leave. All it takes is 4 her to time him wen he goes out n disappear with her kids. Nobody not even d police can take her kids from her afterwards even if he sues her.

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    3. As in, if she’s ready, it’s from that school runs that she will disappear with the kids.
      As for that foolish Ceaser up there, you must be an abuser. May God judge you for your stupid statement.

      Delete
  6. Hmmm...Stella just said the truth. After helping her, are you sure she will not go back? Making the helper look like the enemy.

    It is well with her and may she find help

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  7. @Poster:
    The way I see it you can't do much for her.She has to wake up one day and say ENOUGH of the abuse.Until she realises her self-worth,there is no redemption for her.

    If you like lock the husband up,she will bail him,make sweet l8ve to him and serve him his favorite meal.

    It's hard to stand by and see a loved one hurt but that's just what you need to do.I pray God give will give her hubby a heart of flesh.

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  8. See ehn there are some people that are called"abokoku" it takes self realization to be free. I just pray those involved in domestic violence should please cherish their lives.

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  9. Abeg let me her suffer in her marriage. When she can't take the abuse anymore, she will leave by herself.

    You better not waste time stressing yourself for nothing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Here she comes again!

      Delete
    2. Anon 16:13, it is like you want to be unfortunate today?

      Delete
  10. You friend is not serious about leaving the union.

    The man is Abusive but she got pregnant 3 times.
    I believe she has 3 kids now.
    Where is she going with 3 kids without a tangible source of income?

    Firstly tell your friend;
    To file for Custody she needs to have a tangible source of income

    She should visit any of the NGOS (Online) if she has proof of abuse.
    The NGO will help with a lawyer at a subsidized rate?it is not free.You can get a good lawyer from the NGO for about 100k as against 400k.
    Her location has nothing to do with this,as these NGOS have network(volunteer Lawyers ) everywhere.

    Tell her to forget family,they cannot much for her.This is Nigeria,every family prefers their daughters in a Mans house,Abused or Not.

    Family cannot be a support system all the time.
    Forget that talk.

    I hope your friend is really serious about This.

    ReplyDelete
  11. She should go to cult with evidence

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No be small cult..πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜‚
      Is it ogboni cult or buhari cult.

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    2. @Charity is court not cult. @Blessed Princess

      Delete
  12. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  13. Please poster stop taking panadol ontop someone's headache. My people will say " person when wear shoe, know where the thing they pain pass". If she's ready to leave she'll leave. Comot your hand for husband and wife matter else they would use you to settle .

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  14. Pls anybody that can help that woman should help her get out of that marriage. The day my sister called me to say her husband pushed her (she’s pregnant and in labour at the moment sef) and said if he kills her that nothing will happen. I called him and told him that from his father to the last member of his family will suffer burns; I told him I will kill him and keep/train his children as mine. If he thinks my sister doesn't have someone to fight for her, he should try it again. This is a man that I paid 200k for a Federal job for his wife and till now nothing. Loaned him 200k and he paid 100k and hasn't paid the balance till now (2 years now), send feeding money to my sister (his wife) and buy food stuff month ends without a simple 'THANK U' from him (that one no concern me o). I told him I was capable of taking care of my sister and training his kids and he knows it. My dad is old and mum late and no elder brothers and he feels she doesn't have anybody. When I was through with him, he knew best not to try that shit with my sister. Hubby believed my eldest sister should have called not me, I no send oo, make person no kill my sister biko. Although we aren't in talking terms now, but I don't care!!! My blood first and I would do same for my friends and anyone I know. No woman deserves to be beaten no matter what.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You re a "correct somebody" most abusers find it easy to abuse their victims because they feel the victims don't have anyone to retaliate for them should anything go wrong...by threatening the man, he will think twice before hitting your sister.

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    2. I wonder what your sister is still doing with the good for nothing man though. Money he no fit provide, security is zilch, no love, and on top of this she is still chopping beating!!

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    3. God bless you. I dont joke with my siblings too

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    4. Real correct person,chop kiss😘😘😘

      Delete
  15. hmmmmm so sad how the lovey lovey suddenly goes sour to the extent of physical abuse may she find help

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    Replies
    1. It was never there, just pretence.

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  16. They should go their separate way asap..

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  17. Are You sure she really wants to leave? Don't go and start what you can't finish oo.

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  18. only slap sef i don dey reconsider. i dont know how some women enjoy beating

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    Replies
    1. Only slap you say. Please stay o. Wait until it graduates to real beating you hear. You better leave now. DV is not to be taken lightly o

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    2. Don dey?

      Wetin you still dey reconsider?

      Delete
  19. This advice is not for your friend but for you, my love. Please, for the sake of all things shiny and new, stay out of it. You can't be more catholic than the Pope. Ever heard of this adage, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions"? Now you have. What is means is, a lot of people have ended up hurt, maimed, even killed because they wanted to help a person in need.

    When it comes to matrimonial issues, please let the persons involved seek the help they need. What you do as a friend is support them and be the shoulder they need to cry on. Don't be the one championing their cause. Sweetie, don't be the meddlesome interloper, however innocent your motive may be.

    You have to understand that a bartered woman already has a warped psyche. They keep running back to their abusers, they exhibit some form of Stockholm's syndrome and until they get professional help, the vicious cycle continues.

    The fact that she does not want to get her family nor her in-laws involved makes her situation even more delicate. You have to be very cautious before you find yourself in a precarious situation where you will end up being the friend who wanted to break up a "happy home". This same friend can go back to her hubby and tell him that you were the one encouraging her to leave him. Weirder things have been known to happen where the friend becomes the fiend. I hope things work out well for your friend, though.

    e-hugs and kisses.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ronaldaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, Yaaaaaaaay!! Welcome backπŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

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    2. Enter your reply...πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„ Thanks my sweet. It feels good to be back.

      Delete
  20. I love you Ronalda. I am a lawyer too, can you be my mentor?

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  21. She should just pack her loads and that of the kids and just run . She should.not leave the kids ooo. ..one way ticket.

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  22. Poster, I'm not sure you can do anything apart from support her when she decides to leave.
    She needs to start gathering money first, maybe apply for a job in another state or find out how to start a business in another state, sort out where she and her kids will live. Finally, she should run away with her kids one day when the man isn't around.... To another state... And allow dust to settle before filing for divorce

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  23. Your friend is trying to set you up. She doesn't want to involve her family; is it the same family you said met with the man's family and they all advised them to separate temporarily? Yet she returned within a month?! Have you asked yourself why a woman with Nigerian family plus in-laws who that advised separation, is refusing to involve them but is calling you? The typical response of a Nigerian family is to tell them to manage. The reverse is the case here, yet they called you and you've jumped. Assistant Jesus!

    Has it occurred to you that your friend and her husband may have planned this to get money out of you, or worse? Have you considered the possibility that your friend is lying and trying to scam you? Or you think no woman can lie about such? If a woman can lie about being raped, what is beating? Did you see her husband beat her? Did you examine her as a doctor, see injuries and bruises, and determine that they weren't self-inflicted? Have you seen a doctor's report saying anything about her? Even if she sends you pictures, can you swear it's not Photoshop or makeup?

    Please, face your front and assume you know nothing about it cos that's the truth. You only know the tales by moonlight she randomly called you to tell you. Story that her biological family and that of her husband don't know. I'm sure if you ask her neighbours, they'll wonder what you're talking about! Save yourself unnecessary heartache, drama and expenses.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear,I reported to her mummy,who called up a relative to check up on her and she was truly battered again with belt, phone broken,her source of income threatened,in present of witnesses,my own is to call daily, the decision is hers to take.Her mum wanted her out but she (the abused),says she needs time as it doesn't occur daily.
      @ceasar, are you sure you are not the hubby?cos the name...
      Keep giving excuses,I just pray for the little children you two are damaging.
      You are just lucky,but don't worry.

      Delete
  24. Na so I go put mouth for my friend matter na him them use me settle.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Enter your comment...when I see cases like this, am so speechless. I had a friend that was so close to me like that and she got married at the age of 20,now she's in her early 30ties. thus, this lady was always beaten up by her husband almost every days/years of her marriage. imagine a man beating/giving her wound all over her body, dragging and removing her plaited hair from the root, hitting her head on the wall, pouring kerosene on her and brought matches to burn her, beating her even in front of her mother(In-law) and calling her all manners of names he could, locking her outside, staving her of food, disgracing (beating) her on the street and people will come out and watch, if she goes to something and takes a little time or comes back late, ooh, the monster in form of human being will stand outside the gate beside the road people are passing by for the wife's return, immediately she walk towards the gate to enter into the compound,the man will start calling her names and beating her up from the road to inside compound. if she doesn't cook or prepares food on time, wahala and most time he will purposely refused to eat with the wife. this is a man that doesn't know how to do anything at home. etc etc. I am tired but this is true life story. finally, the man got seriously sick for years and later died about 2years now. personally, I was happy and also feeling bad somehow about his demise cos she is no more going through that domestic violence again though the man died leaving five children with her without anything to keep life going. eg. house,money,business etc. even when the woman was trying to do business of her own, he didn't allowed. those children now are suffering becos they've have become more slimmed and ugly than before, they eat once in a day and sometimes hardly eat twice in a day and not good food and non of them are up to 15years. despite all she went through within this years, she didn't want to leave the man alone. am saying all this because women are going through a lot of domestic violence and personally I can't stand it. it's really a long story but let me end it there.

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  26. Tell your friend to go down on her knees every night for twelve nights and pray to God to take her husband's life. To pray without ceasing for God to take his life. Too many women have power and do not use it because of sentiments and emotionalism. A few women have prayed death for their abusive spouses and it has worked. He dies the abuse stops and she has full custody of her children. You can't be nice when beatings, kicks, slaps and head being shoved in the wall, no you can't be nice.

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  27. When she is ready
    Till she is ready

    Pray for her
    Encourage and support her
    Be patient with her


    When she is ready
    Have a plan and a backup plan

    Nobody left behind
    Lawyer up
    Take pictures/evidence
    Get police involved(women &trafficking unit in the Police CID of that state

    She should lock up emotionally
    Its a tough battle
    This is a bully if questionable intelligence

    Freedom

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  28. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  29. Poster fold your hands and watch your friend, she is not tired of the abuse. When she is tired of the abuse, she will walk away.

    ReplyDelete

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