Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Monday, March 11, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmmm....




STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRYING A BABY DADDY



Good day Stella,


Thanks a lot for creating this platform and to my lovely bvs, you all are beautiful! 

So before I got married, I and my husband to be had a heart to heart talk of how our home was going to be ran as he had a child out of wedlock. He made me understand that the child lived with his mother and infact the mum had moved on with her life, that at least bought me a little comfort while courting.


Fast forward to after marriage, we traveled out of town for the weekend with his son, by this time I was already 7months pregnant. Unknown to hubby someone who knew his baby mama reported to her that her child was out and about with hubby and I. Few hours afterwards, hubby gets a call from his baby mama angry, cursing and expressing shock as to why I was with her son, she even lamented on me being pregnant. 



I heard him tell her off over the phone but something in me was unsettled, we had a conversation afterwards and then I realised that hubby hid his marriage from her and in actual fact she didn't really move on. That was when I realised that the woman was patiently hoping ( child is 4+) that things would work out between herself and my then fiancรฉ. So the news about a pregnant wife in the picture got her mad.


With this development my mum (she's Nigerian but I'm mixed race) advised me to reconsider my earlier decision perhaps put a limit to sleepovers and to be very careful as I was dealing with an angry and bitter woman who would have preferred being wifed rather than dumped. I still maintained my earlier decision I had with hubby on him living permanently with his mum and visiting sometimes on weekends.


Now to my chronicles, hubby goes to pay him a visit and comes back home with him without informing me before making that decision. I raged and fumed not because he was visiting but because firstly, I wasn't informed and secondly, our baby is 6 months plus now and I do it all alone. From sleepless nights to house chores ( I'm extraordinarily neat lol) to running errands. Hubby only helps out with baby when he wants me to do something for him. After the first visit I saw myself doing more chores as the house was upside down with toys everywhere, washing up bedsheets to moping and all.


I asked hubby to get me a house help during the weekends when his son would be visiting or else he might have to put a hold on sleepovers, I told him he's still as free as anything to keep visiting as much as he can. This led to a big row between us with hubby sarcastically saying I should calm down that is this how I'll behave when eventually the boy stays with us permanently. He apologised afterwards that he was joking which I obviously didn't find funny, in fact I felt threatened...truth is for the first time in my marriage I realised how selfish hubby was. I developed migraine afterwards and visited my Gp. The Gp was interested in knowing the trigger as migraines are usually triggered with domestic issues for nursing mothers.


Now knowing fully well how the system works here, if my migraine persists and I tell my doctor all, I fear social service may get involved and truthfully I wouldn't want that for my home. Nursing mums in the house, pls advise. 


Husbands and Fathers in the house did I do wrong in asking for a helper at weekends? Besides I'm currently on maternity leave and would actually be needing a helper when I resume work.Bvs pls I genuinely need more advice before I make a wrong decision.

Kisses Stella and God bless you all.



*Social services?You live abroad?Perhaps he cannot afford to pay for childcare like you want...........Do you really know your hubbys financial status?
I really dont know what advice to give here...Abeg take am easy and concentrate on yourself and baby for now 

101 comments:

  1. Stop the OCD cleaning, it is a killer for amyone esp nursing mums. Tell your GP you need help concerning your OCD. That my love is the trigger of your migraine.

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    Replies
    1. I think the issue is that this woman don’t really want the child in the house full stop... I don’t blame her though especially with a mother like she has described.

      You’re abroad and not in Nigeria, it’s a bit easier to sort yourself out without hubby and his baggage.

      It’s not by force for your to babysit your stepchild, especially in such a hostile situation. Trying to do step mum could cost you your child - if you keep getting migraine.

      House help / child care is not easy to find abroad, and when you find them, they are very expensive so you need to take that off your mind and try to be creative.

      Have contact with your step child outside your home, regardless what hubby says or wants; until your hubby learns to be fully open, honest and willing to work with you to parent HIS children.

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    2. I think ur hubby is still pounding that baby mama.

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  2. While you are trying to concentrate on yourself as stella said. ..do yourself a favour and start planning for plan B, your hubby is doing something else behind your back.

    You can't be stressed like this and your hubby is busy galavating upandan. Why would he hide his marriage, why would he not tell you before visiting, obviously there's more to that past rship than he told you.

    Open your eyes, ears, while at it, tale care of yourself and the kids.

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    Replies
    1. So apt. I wonder why some people ain't saying anything about the husband that is hiding his marriage. He is definitely still having sex with his baby mama and he feels like since you guys are married, you must have to accept whatever he now does.
      I imagine the stress you are going through, I almost went mad taking care of my child in London . When your partner is not honest, you really cannot trust him because you don't know what he might have told his baby mama about you. Probably that you trapped him with pregnancy or that it is his parents that forced him to marry you. Anyways you now have a third party in your marriage, I just hope he is not discussing your dealings with her and seeking her bitter counsel cos sometimes men will carry their family and go and drop for the enemy . I will also not be comfortable taking care of that child from that Lady because if anything happens to him under your care your husband might suggest you did something to him since he might be telling his baby mama that you are not so comfy with the boy. Soon, and very soon, he will start taking your child to the other woman. Someone that clearly hates you. That is where the major problem will emanate from. He will not see anything wrong with it cos he's gaining from the both sides and every other persons feelings doesn't matter to him. Make sure you do not accept that and try and be very close to your child.

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    2. Thank u. I felt it too. He’s still poking that baby mama. Poster I beg just be prepared. Why did he hide his marriage from her???

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  3. Selfish woman. You signed up for this when you married a baby daddy. Oh you think it's easy for him to neglect his SON??? His first fruit?

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    Replies
    1. Do you know how to read at all? The problems of Nigeria are many o.

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    2. Anon, this poster is not the one that married ur baby daddy, don’t transfer aggressions.

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    3. loool zeee abi o ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

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    4. Anon 15:12, abeg carry your frustrated soul somewhere else. when you the open yashi upanda you no no say na baby mama you go be, last last. shawo kobo kobo

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    5. It’s only a baby mama with something similar to this that will respond like this Zee you got it. Poster your husband shouldn’t add to your stress after all, it’s his situation(ship). You are not asking for too much you. If he would help out with the child or kids, I don’t think you would have a problem with his child coming over or would you? No matter what you do, do not take it out on the innocent child. It’s no fault of his. Again take it easy and look after yourself and your baby.

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    6. Anon u sound like my husbands baby mama. Calm down

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  4. Madam, you knew your hubby has a situation before you married him... please do your thing and focus on yourself and your baby.

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  5. We women don get it. No woman want to be a dumped baby mama. No baby mama want her child to be raised by another woman. That bitter woman can shoot at any opportunity.
    Most men abroad have baggage they use (for papers, financial balance etc.) and dump.
    Most Nigerian ladies do not bother about a man's past when contracting marriages.

    Woman, do not hate that child -he is innocent of this drama. And tactfully state your mind to your husband without scattering your new home.

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  6. Why can't you accept your stepson? Take it that u have two kids to care for, If u try to create a wedge between him n his son or give off vibe that u don't want him around, you will be seen as d wicked stepmom, not that u care anyway.

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    1. Her baby is 6 months. Asking a first time mother to take on a 4 year old without help from hubby or anyone is not good. Yes she can survive but that's a lot of stress. Hubby is doing what he can get away with. Some people only learn by actions . The next weekend when you think k he's bringing the kids, as soon as he steps out to go bring him, just pack your baby and go to the mall or a friend's house. When he comes home, say you're out and will be back. When he runss around with a 4 year old that day and the next weekend, he'll appreciate why u need help or at least you will have given yourself a day or two break

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    2. God bless you, poster pls take this advise.

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    3. Is the father of the child allergic to caring for his own child. Even many father's help out with bathing,feeding and looking after the older child when the mum is nursing the younger one. Asides you making his meals, i don't see why the father can't take care of him and lighten the load on her. It will even give him time to bond with his son.
      You want your son to come spend weekend but you can't care for his needs.
      I feel she's being a good step parent enough, atleast shes always accomodated him. All she's asking for is help. She's not a machine. Taking care of no born without any help whatsoever abroad isn't easy. Combine that with when she will resume work.
      That husband needs to seat up.
      Poster pls talk to him. If possible add to your health issues. That the doc is worried about your BP and it's all due to stress. That the way it is looking he is even advising you to leave work for some years.
      Maybe when your husband realises only one income will be coming in if you have a breakdown he will go back to factory setting.
      As of the angry baby mama. Can't even advice;drama cums with the territory.

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    4. I don't think I can live without a help especially with a baby and a toddler, do you know how stressful that can be?

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    5. @ blackberry, easier said than done. When I had my first child, I almost went mental. Is it the sleepless night? Abroad is not naija where people will be queuing up to carry your baby and nanny is 30 thousand.

      Let him give her a break with the sleepovers till her child is up to say 1 and the stress reduces or help out and stop being totally useless. Whether his son is around or not he should be helping his wife, useless selfish man.Don't let social services get involved, you guys need to talk.

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    6. You all permit me to ask, if the poster was d mother of the 4yr old boy n now had another baby who is 6months old will she be writing this chronicle?

      Poster this chronicle is all about ur stepson. U dont want him around period. Wonder ehy settled for a baby daddy in d 1st place.Infact the story about d baby mama calling and ranting might just be an added gist just 4 readers to support u. My dear always remember in all you do, there's something called repercaution. See u complaining about toys n same u will litter the house with toys few yrs down 4 ur own child. Abegi. Leave the story.

      Simply tell ur hubby to keep that boy away from ur home but know its a two way thing.

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    7. Tessbaby the poster is not the mother of a four year old so she lacks the four years experience that would have strengthened her and helped her not to feel this overwhelmed. Please cut her some slack. I have a two year old and I am just getting used to the stress of nurturing another person. It is not easy abeg! So while she is battling with getting used to caring for a 6 month old and still maintaining her level of hygeine boom! you want her to add the stress of caring for another 4 year old and not complain about it?

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    8. Thank you @ Anonymous 4.42 all the ladies saying they have a new born and a toddler blah blah blah, was your 1st child a toddler when you birthed him/her, you learn to do these things as they grow older.

      And as a first time mum who probably has zero experience with babies talk more of a toddler who is kinda a stranger to her, you expect her to just cope...

      People should please think b4 writing...

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    9. Pls why are we attacking the poster? What of the useless man who didn’t inform his baby mama that he was married? And why is he leaving his wife to do everything? If the poster writes later that the 4 yr old has thrown a wedge in her marriage everyone will shout and tell her to send him back to his mother. Pls people read thru well. She likes the child but his mother doesn’t want him around her

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  7. When marriage is abroad, Naija girls no mind even if the man get 20 baby mamas.'Ehh, we go change all of them come become one big large family". But after marriage, whosai. Na to become madam on top.

    Make you manage ya home well madam and dey watch ya back like mama talk cos it fit backfire o.

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    Replies
    1. Just shut up if you have nothing important to spew...rubbish

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    2. @19:05
      Nee Rubbish

      Ehee, I like that ya maiden name o.
      As you come jack everything wey I spew, I congratulate you.
      Comegrass, you hear?
      ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

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  8. 1. Your hubby did wrong by hiding the state of things between himself and his ex. 2. Your hubby, the child's mum and even your hubby's mum should keep that child far away from you; you don't seem capable of loving that child...

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  9. Wow...What if your step son is your child,won't you cope without an helper...I live abroad and nurse two kids without helper..What's the big deal in mopping and putting the clothes inside the washing machine..I beg,don't pushyour husband back to his ex

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    1. Don't mind her. He told her from the onset about his son O now she's forming Cinderella's stepmother.

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    2. 15:20 it's not the same. You're taking care of your kids .you had first one, got used to it small then added another. This lady got two at once and hubby will bring second without notice .He has turned her maternity leave to a stressful time. Won't even help. What an entitled ....

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    3. You nurse 2kids without help abroad, you must be a housewife. Please you people should always state the full fact

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    4. @ 15:56 My daughter is not up to 2yrs when I had my son here in UK without any help living on the third floor without a lift and by God's grace I coped...Thank God for washing machine, all she has to do is put the step son in front of the TV...The boy is there just for weekend...Let's learn to be accomodating

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    5. Like I said you had some time to get used to it. By year 1, sef many mums can add another and manage well. Just be considerate of another. You have two by choice.

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    6. Any 4 year old boy that's being raised right should not just be in front of the TV for hours.

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    7. @ 16:31 I went back to work when both kids were under 3yrs ..My partner works night shift while I do day shift...I'm sure you are the poster replying everybody..If you are really a catch you wouldn't have end up with a baby daddy upon your mixed heritage..See your life..

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    8. 17:18 you are a bitter fool .leave the poster alone and face your issues in your heart. You have a dark souls that tries to bring others down

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    9. Does she look loke she wants to raise him right? Is he her son? Abeg shift

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    10. If she's not ready to accept the boy then advice her to leave and start claiming benefit as a single mother...Then she will know what real depression is all about.

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    11. Anon 17:18 you are not a good person with this comment of yours God forbid your type as a friend in reality. With what you just spewed when you fallout with friends it is usually terrible I can tell. Let her alone. People handle things differently. Super woman gbogbo aye.

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    12. Some of you are pathetic.Always thinking upside down. So you coped means every woman can cope,?? Do you have the same health challenges??

      My sister had high blood pressure before and after child birth. She barely could cope with her baby. She couldn't afford a help we had to get 1 for her cuz we didn't want to lose her.

      To the 1 that said put him in front of the tv, won't the child feed? Or you will put on the tv from morning till night without tending to the child??? Mstchew.

      The solution here is for her husband to help, let him get off his lazy pathetic arse and help you.

      Madam, don't go and kill yourself oh. Make another person no train your child, God forbid , the man will move on.

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    13. Don’t mind them always looking for how to blame women when the useless man is at fault. Mscheeew.

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  10. Please drink water and calm down. May be you are stressed out with sleepless nights and tending to a 6months fragile baby. I really do not see anything wrong for his son to visit you guys. Just take the boy as your own , you will see how happy you will be anytime his around. Good luck and congrats to you new baby. Cheers. @Blessed Princess

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  11. That is why anything baby mama, count me out. i am not interested.

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  12. Madam, you worry too much. What if that boy was your child? He only comes for weekend and that's not a problem as far as I'm concerned. Treat him like your son and let him play with your child. I think you are pained because of the little boy's mom. Relax and enjoy yourself.

    One thing I'm not comfortable with though is your husband visiting his "ex" girlfriend (baby mama) every weekend to see his son. Since that lady has not moved on, anything can happen.

    Just relax and always communicate with your husband.

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  13. You will end up pushing your husband to his baby mama and come back here with a bigger chronicle.

    You should know to expect this kind of scenario when you signed up to marry him. I know how stressful it must be for you as a new mum, but please try to accommodate your stepson. Assume he were your child, would you be upset about changing bedsheets and arranging his toys etc?

    Show that boy love. If you don't know how, watch this movie - "Mothers day."

    Cheers!

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  14. Poster please calm down and stop stressing yourself over trivia issues.

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  15. Poster, you sound very selfish. I am a first time nursing mother. I have step children as well and I take them as mine. Why does your hubby have to inform you before his child can visit. That's his child for Christ sake. If the child were yours, would you be complaining like this? What is the big deal in cleaning up and putting clothes in the washer. I do all these things and even cook and still nurse my baby. Abeg park well.

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    Replies
    1. She never said the child can't come for a visit, all she's asking for is to be told before springing a surprise visit on her. And no, she is not being unreasonable. Not every woman can be like you as a first time mum. I remember how overwhelmed and exhausted I was as a first time mum with no help. I got so exhausted that I nearly dropped my baby. I thank God that I have a very understanding husband that helped out. And if the child were hers she would have had time to get used to taking care of one before the second comes in. It is best that she speaks out that she needs help because something could go wrong due to her being to tired and that's even worse. And adding to that she's dealing with a husband that is not truthful and changes situation of things as he likes.

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    2. Congrats maybe you're stronger than she is. You heard her say she's seeing a doctor for migraine. Do you know what that is. The body is shooting off warning signs to a new mother that something is not right. She needs to stop whatever is creating the stress and she needs to do it ASAP

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    3. Migraine and stroke are similar, i suffer from dat, and the trigger was contraceptives and emotional stress. When u learn to put husband issue away from ur heart and get a side boo. You wil feel alright

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  16. Why are you guys accusing her? The husby has clearly changed the dynamics as agreed and still expecting her to adjust. If you want her to adjust help her or provide help. Who know weather no be one chance you enter sef. Insist on him helping more or he provides help,this is your home you shape it the best way possible. I also do not think he has been entirely honest with you just my two cents

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  17. Lookat single to stupor ladies giving advise as if they know what marriage is all about. Tueh

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    Replies
    1. We are single not dumb. You wey marry drop dumb comment nko?

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    2. You do not know if I’m married or not so shut your foolish mouth.

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    3. Oh shush.

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  18. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  19. Awww! Sweetie, once you marry a man who already has a child, there isn't much room to flex your muscles. No matter what he promised you before you got married, the truth is, the father and son come as a package. Marry one, get one free.

    My darling, let me illuminate your mind, you may feel happy if your hubby keeps his son at arm's length or bows to your demand of no sleepovers till he gets you a helper. The truth is, don't be too excited if a man can treat his own child less than perfect because of the woman in his life. It speaks to his character, such a man cannot be trusted.

    I have this "trick" I use on my hubby whenever I need him to do something extraordinary. I call it the Queen Esther trick. It has worked for about 17 years and it still works. Same tactics, different applications for variety sake. I ply and spoil him with good food, mad romance, exotic compliments and good loving making for at least 3 days, sometimes more, depending on the "gravity" of my request. I make sure I don't make any demands and I turn on my feminine charm full blast. Once I know he is lost in the moment, I slide in with my request with the softest tone of my voice but I make it sound like a suggestion and not a demand. I end it with a "or darling what do you think? You know I value your judgment ". BOOM! I get my wish. I'm crafty like that and it works for me. Hopefully it will work for you.

    Now you will need a lot of practice to master this "art" but you can start small by trying a little tenderness. Instead of quarrels and arguments, try persuading him with loving and tenderness and watch him melt like butter in your palms. There's nothing wrong in asking for a helper but you have to use the right delivery and make it seem like the idea is coming from him. You can say something like "baby, I will really like to try out some new stuff to spice up our sex life but after all the chores, I feel drained! If only I could have extra help once in a while..." I assure you, he will volunteer to help out if he can't afford a helper for now.

    As for your stepson, you have to apply wisdom. Learn to love on that child so much that even his mum will ease up a bit. Don't listen to people who tell you to keep your hubby from seeing his son for fear that he might have sex with his ex. The safest place for that child is actually with you guys. His mum can have supervised visitation and have him over for some holidays. But know that you made your bed the way it is when you decided to marry a man who already has a child. If you play your cards right, you will end up with a very happy home. More tenderness, less aggression. Good luck my love.

    e-hugs and kisses.

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    Replies
    1. Well said @ Ronald

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    2. Wise woman.

      I use this your method but the primary school level. High time I graduate to this your university level. God bless you ma'am

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    3. Ronalda. You is SMART

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    4. Vivacious Viola11 March 2019 at 17:32

      Thank you Ronalda, you are indeed a wise woman. You don't gain much by fighting and flexing muscles. Wisdom is key here. I just learnt something new today too "the Queen Esther trick" ha ha ha . I like!

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    5. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ How can only one human have so much wisdom, maturity, kindness and I'm sure beauty??? Choi, you were created on a Sunday, Ronalda!!! I doff my hat! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

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    6. You are a wise woman, Ronalda

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    7. Wow! May God continue to grant you wisdom ma, reading this is so soothing how much more if you say these words with ur own mouth. Pls be my mentor

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  20. Post- Natal Depression Alert! Migraine in new mothers is the Major mental disorder alert, pls have an estensive heart to heart talk on this issue, don't drive the boy away, but tell him it's a must to get you a househelp, if not, you're snoop diving into DT state of mind and it's a horrible state

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  21. Poster ask me about this and I will give you ful lectures. Your own is even better he has him before marriage which means he prefers you to his baby mama- consoling? Is it? good. Mine case he strayed, and got one outside. The scandal and the head aches and taking care of the baby wasn’t an easy journey to cope, but I did. Fastward, when the baby was four, he started bringing her to the house in my absence, I will come home and notice left over toys, then we quarrel and he will call me names and all that shit. Children grew up to know and love her and they all blend and the stepdaughter craving to come and live with us, advisers were much and I was even confused more. I told hubby she can live with her mom because I did not meet you with this baggage, you strayed and got her, therefore let live with mom and be sending upkeeps for them, also I cannot be answering once upon a time story to people asking me who is this girl. So, hubby sent her to his brother in the village and from there she got married to one boy at the age of 17. She is still part of the family.

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    Replies
    1. @ Evil step mother..You are happy that a young girl destiny got shot at the age of 17yrs and you call yourself a mother....

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    2. Anonymous,calling someone evil stepmum,i pray your husband strays and have a baby outside.Then,you will understand how it feels.

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    3. Lol @ anon 17:43 it is only in Naija that a husband will cheat and get side chick pregnant and the wife is expected to accept and swallow that bullshit with all alacrity. She is under no obligation to accept the fruits of her husbands cheating into her home.

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    4. Anonymous 17:43 I am not sure you're sane. How is she responsible for the girl? How is it her business where she lives? So, she should have rewarded his waywardness by taking care of the result. Abeg go get some self esteem as you lack it 100%. Na your type they see marriage as the ultimate achievement and lack any other goal. If the woman strayed will she bring the child home too? Anuofia

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    5. @anon 17:43, did you ask about her mom? Am l the mother? Did you read where I said he can be sending upkeeps, did I snatch? You are quick to label someone you did not know, if marriage is her top choice should I stop her? Nawah for you

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    6. Anon19:12 are you for real? If I call you that how will you feel? Pinch yourself first ok?

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  22. You didn't mention where the baby mama lives?

    *Is she in the same state or country?
    *If she is, why is the boy not living with her?
    *Whose decision was it that the man or his mom had full custody of the boy?
    *If she is in Nigeria, are you sure she is not a Naija wife? *Does oga have correct papers yet or are you the "akata" that he is counting on for his papers?
    *What does his mom do over there and where does she stay?
    *Would you consider having the boy live 'permanently' at your place to avoid 'visitation drama'?
    *Are you willing to take a walk if things degenerate because of your demand/request for a help?

    I believe you should go all the way back and tackle this problem from the roots. You need to talk with either his mom or baby mama
    In order to fully understand what you're dealing with. The problem is not the innocent boy; it is your hubby and his "half-sincerity" from the outset. Deal with that and every other thing will fall in place.

    I started watching Jada's RedTable Talk from the start and one of the most intriguing episodes was the one where she had Will Smith's ex-wife on set talking about Will and her step-son. I've watched it twice and I cried both times. I think you and every woman with "bonus children" should watch it too. Sometimes as women, we tend to fight the wrong battles or the wrong persons when we should have been more receptive and understanding of the hard truth. All the best ma'am.

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    1. Your answers are on the post .. they live abroad haba

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  23. So because of just 2 DAYS is that why you want to involve social service and forming migraine? Anyone abroad, whites and blacks we all take care of the kids and house OURSELVES! Not many can afford a help, do you know how much he will be paying for the help? To do what exactly? Mop? are you even serious? Why do you want to create problems where there is none?
    Agreed, he is doing wrong going to visit without your knowledge but then again, you were well aware that he has a son and he will be very much in the picture as long as you two are married.
    You are an OCD and not your husband or step son, deal with the problem or go to your mum every weekend if you think you can't take it. At 6 months, many women go back to work and still take care of many kids abroad without any help. Being a first time mum abroad does not come with experience but we do what we can do, a 4 years old does not really need much attention if you can ask the dad to get him a video game. Besides, your hubby is also home, can't you ask him instead of assuming that he needs to help? Tell him whenever you need help, he is human after all. There are things as we grow especially as we get to cohabit with another human being that need us to be mature, tolerant and patient. He works during the week, he provides so the least you can do is to make the home liveable for everyone, before you know it, your baby is grown, his too and you get back to work. For the help, forget it!!! An African girl thinking like this abroad is very ridiculous knowing fully well how much a help cost an hour. Get your act together and focus on things that are important like your baby, your home and your health.

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    1. No we don't all take care of kids and house. Some of us have mother's that come to help. Let's not make life difficult. You get people to come clean one or two weekends a month and see how much streess goes away . Get one through word of mouth or just check online .In the u.s. check Groupon or Yelp. The services are not expensive the way we think. They will do real deep cleaning too. You need a break from cooking, find a "caterer" in church or word of mouth. Order a few trays of jollof, stew and chicken. Manage and cook soup or order that too. Just take breaks as you can. Even if your friend is doing all, don't compare yourself if your body is telling you it can't manage. I'm high energy but even I give myself breaks

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    2. Well said but people like the poster hates the truth..

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    3. @ 17:43 I like lazy People like you...I have a friend that can't cook like you, and her cook is sleeping with her husband...Easy access to her family and before you know it a love child is brewing some wheee

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    4. Abegi 18'09 if I hear. In the abroad, will the cook come and lice in my house. The iya that I buy from doesn't even drive. I pick up my tin. How far. Chillax. While you're cooking for your man everyday , I'm saving my energy to....with mine. To each his own.

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    5. People hire help o. If you choose not to that's your own.People have live ins

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    6. Oh shut up Lilian! I can sense complex issues from your comment. You are already attacking her because she lives abroad and refused to be a typical African slave. I live in the UK and almost became psychotic from sleepless nights after I had my daughter. I just couldn't cope. I had to come back to Nigeria to stay with family since my mum has a surgery in the US. People are different. My daughter refused to suck, I express breast milk and she won't take, formula she won't take and the neighbors were calling police upandown because the child won't sleep and keeps crying. My very first child, I had taken care of other people's children, I am a medical doctor and also a pediatrician. I couldn't understand. Now I have a son and he's completely opposite. My daughter is 3years now and still do not eat. At her age, no other person can feed her except my nanny and me and herself sometimes. People are different, children are different and her husband should be more responsible and take care of his own flesh. If she doesn't make him do some work or lose some money In paying a nanny, then tomorrow he will get that same woman pregnant again and bring another baby home for her. Then people like you will call her wicked.
      We also don't know how the baby mama has trained her own 4year old boy,,, most abroad kids are like wild animals and every little thing they scream abuse abuse abuse. It is harder to correct a child that is not yours cos of what it may appear as. Please, let him not eat his cake and want it back. He must also lose sleep. If he wants that relationship with his son, then let him stay and change diapers, wash clothes, make food and run around preventing him from accidents and also talking like a parrot, that's where the bonding is.
      Not to be parenting of bonding from afar. Parenting by judging how your innocent wife is not doing it right. Bullshit.
      I wish poster could be friends with the baby mama that way the man will stop having fun with your enemity. Cos he's in control now, he tells both sides what he wants them to hear and make sure they don't meet so he can be enjoying both ways.
      It is easier to blame the woman.

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    7. Lilian
      This is insensitive
      We cannot tell her how to feel
      We can only tell her how to cope with it

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    8. Lilian French your mouth stinks, why not give godly advice to this woman? Because she knew he has a son before marriage so she shouldn’t know when he is going to bring him for sleepover? This woman deserves to know, besides he is bringing him so he can bond with his other child. If you support evil because it is happening to another person, evil will not depart from you. Go and purge your mouth and heart. Poster use wisdom and tell your hubby things you want him to do, not with anger.

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    9. @Anon 20:36, gbosaaa!!for your comment, don’t mind Lilian French calling someone a witch because she is one. Let her go and hide her face in shame. Because she is not the one. Women like her will not even be nice to the boy whether they were informed before marriage or not. Ewu, ๐Ÿ‘ฟ I must comment.

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    10. 22.36, God bless you.

      I just can't stand stupid people.Some of this bvs don't even process issues before talking crap.

      What works for you may not work for me. Some people have easy pregnancies, some have difficult.

      It is a known fact that a lot of first time mums struggle and without the necessary help, some of them lose it.

      Somebody says she is struggling with nursing her 6 months old and has a health concern???, people are cussing her out saying if it were her child?? She is new to motherhood for crying out loud, let her settle in, adjust and then she can be given additional responsibilities.

      The earlier you realize we are all different and our tolerance level for stress is different as well, the better.

      Poster, don't take more than you can deal with. If your husband won't help then let him not add to your problems, it is that simple.

      I wonder if the tables were turned your husband will do the same, Mstchew.

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  24. Men never help, i had massive fight with mine about house chores. It destroyed the marriage cos it can never remain same again. Now we just co habit cos i have my side boo who makes me happy. Now the husband wants to help in d house, i just give him side eyes

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  25. The earlier you make up your mind that the boy is your first child the better for you.Once you accept that it makes living with him easier for you.

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  26. Poster take this advice I'm gonna give you seriously.

    If you really live your husband and you don't want to lose him to the baby mama, love his son and treat him like your son. Kids are kids and will sure scatter everywhere when they around. I know it's not easy but you have to try, otherwise your husband will start spending time with his son in the baby mamas house and you know what will happen he does. The scorned woman will sleep with him and training another pregnancy. Protect your marriage by living that son as yours. If you stop him from coming, then your hubby will start sneaking out to go be them.

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  27. Madam you choose that man knowing fully well that he has a child, he don't have to inform you to bring his child home cos its his father's house,

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  28. Dear Poster, i thing your hubby is 'using' you. He hid his marriage from his baby mama? how come nobody is going after the man.... did he marry you for papers?
    Trust me, he is still with his baby mama... hey! put your plan B mode on

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