Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Dealing With The In Laws......

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Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Dealing With The In Laws......

It is time to sit on the couch and talk!!!

Why do people, especially women, not understand the dynamics of dealing with in laws? Why do you all always on the offensive and seem to think that your in-law is the enemy ?






First things first.
You did not marry them!
You married your husband or wife!
Your spouse should be the one to set the precedence on how they perceive you and relate with you.


If your spouse says "my wife is a difficult person", they will always see you as a difficult person and no matter what you do, they will want to show you that they knew him or her before you did.
If your spouse says" my husband is stingy", best get ready to be know as the aka gum in law, regardless of if you have money to spare or not.


Married men and women need to know that your spouse should not be exposed to a negative perception from your people. Try to defend them, and also defend their honour in the sight of your families.



Secondly
 



If you happen to have a supportive spouse but in laws from the pit of hell, who even their brother or sister can't manage.AVOID THEM!
I repeat AVOID THEM!



Confrontations are never the best with in laws. You simply cannot gain sympathy from an onlooker if you are a confrontational person. People will simply label you as the bad person.

Drink water, look away and leave the toxic environment. 

Your husband's younger sister came to visit and she's watching TV all the time and painting her nails like Nigeria feem. Aunty clean your house and let her be! 

Tomorrow she self go marry. Without her, you would still clean your house.
Dem go talk talk na dem go tire!(in little Success's voice)
Avoid them like bad news, avoid them like Churchill avoids Tonto's wahala...


Thirdly
Be cordial
Always try to maintain a cordial relationship with them.
Greeting people and calling them to say hello does not mean that they are now your favorite people in the world. It just means you love your spouse enough to make sacrifices for them. ....
Remember that your mother in law carried your husband in her womb for 9 months. Accord her that respect. Do not be quick to find faults in all she does. 


By getting married you have gained a mother. Be patient and focus on your marriage.


Finally I will say this, If you are about to get married and you see that your future spouse is entirely controlled by his or her people, pick your slippers and run to avoid stories that touch!
by bv


*Do you agree with this school of thought?

61 comments:

  1. I will be back to read comments

    ReplyDelete
  2. No; not all. That number two is what a lot of Nigerian women are near to.
    Make I yarn una them (Naija girls) own school of thoughts:
    MIL = winch in chief; them dey wish am dead always and offer special thanks to ??gods when she don die.
    SIL: little winches in chiefs
    BIL: spare fork. If them horeband blink eyes them go embrace am kiss am , give am fork; come write chronicles.

    Make una raise una hands if una never pray for MIL to die even before una marry those men una claim to love?👀

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahaha, you never forget things posted here.

      Delete
    2. I can never pray such prayer my dear because I will soon be a MIL one day. God forbid I wish another dead.

      Delete
    3. @Fulani Nyarinya
      Nagode o
      Na the things wey I dey read here since donkeys year wey I don dey visit sdk blog I dey yarn.
      But the Pharisees (including yasef) go dey throway thunder and bottles give my smooth nyansh.

      Delete
    4. Truth is women are just so difficult to deal with

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    5. I just love how you come here to expose the things you do, wish and crave!
      Today is about how you wish your mother inlaw dead, imagine your sisters in law to witches and have sex with your brother in law the moment your husband looks away. Wow!
      Congratulations you must be super proud of yourself...

      Delete
    6. EEeeeeeee?
      Mama Mia, so you dey do all those things wey you yarn up there?👀
      You no even wait for anonymous bomb post before you begin release ya bombs?
      Okay as Rev. Fr. no dey confession box, make you carry ya cross chegharia inugo?
      Chukwu gbahalu gi.

      Delete
  3. Stella I no gree for number 2. I'll set her straight through oga

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The day hubby told me that his mother hates me and I'm still forcing myself to love her was the day I just realised the woman will never ever lobe me like her own daughter!

      Now I just text her occasionally and that's it.

      Delete
    2. my mother in law is the sweetest ever, even if she offends me i will still love her, she doesnt pokenose in my home affairs even though her son gives her all d details she still minds her business, then she addresses issues that could be a potential harm in my marriage like she is my mother not as the in law.

      Delete
  4. Wisdom they breath for this write-up

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Amucastel
      Yarn Oyinbo you no fit yarn
      Yarn all man freestyle, you no fit yarn
      I no even sabi where I go DEY put sic. for ya yarns.

      Delete
    2. Which one is Amucastel?
      ANG,the honourable Commissioner for Fork Matters, your rough nyash is vibrating jigbi-jigbi this hot afternoon ehkwa?

      Delete
    3. @ice Mum
      Ya yarn nice so?
      Why una no go leave my smooth nyansh alone eh?
      E dey threaten una?
      Make you find side Chicken chop; na dat one dey carry fork look for una horseband inugo?
      😂😂😂😂

      Delete
  5. The in-laws are like computers; garbage in garbage out. If you approach them well and respectable, them go approach you well and respect you.
    There is no hard and fast rules to follow. Learn people, abhor what they abhor and respect what they respect as long as it is not sinful. The problem with a lot of ladies is that they enter into marriage biased and plotting from day 1 to overthrow their MILs as if she is a competitor.
    Bad moves that always backfires. Most especially if your husband is from the left side of the Nigerian map. If his mother tells him to throw you out, you are gone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You’re wrong about your analysis of men from the left side of the map.
      Your personal experiences and hearsay should not be used as a yardstick

      Delete
    2. Lol 🤣@left side of the Nigeria map

      Delete
  6. We were very good friends till I became broke. TTC for 6years. When the money was there I always heard don't worry, God will do it. Now they don't even take my calls because I no longer send money to them. I don't send because I don't have. Lost my lucrative job. Where I currently work we just received 50% of Jan salary last week. What am I saying? Some in-laws no be am at all!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear, you will soon have a child. Sometimes, when God is preparing to bless you, He exposes or removes people from your life. When your little prince or princess arrives, you don't want to be surrounded by rattlesnakes. Face God, your husband and your marriage.

      Delete
    2. My dear we are in the same whatsapp group, I pray God pick our calls and bless us with lovely kids.

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    3. Why on earth do you still call them? Just maintain your lane.

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  7. Do I agree with your school of thought? yeah.

    A lotta wives did/do all of that and then some but still get hell from their inlaws.

    So FUCK THEM INLAWS and do you!

    If gentle and cordial works for you, fine.
    If hostile and mean works for you, fine too.

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  8. Everyone one should do what works for them.

    ReplyDelete
  9. My opinion from a wife's perspective:

    You owe your in laws respect NO MATTER WHAT.

    Secondly you have married into thier family so you must ensure you open yourself and let them know you have accepted them as yours.

    Thirdly,if you think because you have married their son, you now want to colonise him and make him exclusively yours (ie he should not offer assistance to his parents,siblings,accomodation etc) you will have a serious problem.Remember that before you came,he has been their brother,son etc and if for whatever reason they are naturally difficult just act like mumu,it works!

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    Replies
    1. Stella should add the like button feature to her blog. I need to like this comment a thousand times.

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    2. Thank you..Just speaking from experience.

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    3. shut up with your judgemental comment abeg...some in laws are wicked simple. no matter how u act like mumu they will still treat u low. some of u who are lucky to get good inlaws just fool yourselves thinking it was your nice attitude that made them good to you. people have different experiences so deal with your situation the way u deem fit.

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  10. I believe her to some extent especially where she said if your potential spouse is being controlled by his people, Run! I hate a man that lacks will power, you have to be able to stand on your word and defend it as a man. Defend your spouse in public even if he or she is wrong. Correct him with love in private, you can even shout or scold but don't do it in public.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Nice points.

    Also, perception matters when dealing with in laws. See them as blood, and you'll be happy.

    Blood siblings for example, do you quarrel? Yes. So you get offended at their words at times? Yes. Do you feel like never speaking to them again? Yes...
    But what do you do? Because they your blood relatives, and you love them.. You let go and FORGIVE.

    Have the same mindset for your in laws.. It will give you peace of mind.


    Cheers..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Objection pls...in as much as u say we should c dem as our blood siblings,we cant. For instance i can misbehave and do as i like wen wit my mum and she might not take offense but wen wit mil, i have to behave myslf befor i wld be labelled ill mannered. for instance, wen i just put to bed and my mum was arnd for omugwo,she did pratically evrytin for me. I was just lazyin arnd but wen she left and mil came, i resumed my house duties and stopped being lazy. U see d diff

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    2. God bless you Rainbow. Your reasoning up there is the reason I will always disagree with anyone that says in laws are blood. They are not blood. My own mother has forgiven me over and over again. Can my mother in law do the same? I can tell my mother to bring me drinking water while eating. Abeg can I ask my mother in law to do same without her and others calling me rude? Blood is blood and in laws are in laws. Chikena!

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    3. In-law is not and can NEVER be blood. Yes, there are times when they may take you as - but AS isn't the same as IS. The earlier people understand this, the less you leave yourself open to wickedness and the less disappointed you will be. The man or woman you married, most likely earned your trust over a period of time before you married. If you have a job, you'll notice that no matter what your CV says, your boss will not usually give you a cheque to deposit for the company on your first day. Even those that have besties from childhood or even university, those relationships took time to form. But when it comes to in-law matters, people want to pretend different rules apply. This is why people keep getting hurt. Also, forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. To a large extent, people don't change. The character of an adult has formed; if your in-law is bad, he or she is bad. There's no amount of forgiveness you can do that will make them change. If you pretend to forget, you're just doing yourself cos they will harm you and even Jesus will be disappointed in your lack of wisdom.

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    4. I agree with Rainbow & Anonymous 14:58,there us always a difference ,dont be deceived pls.

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    5. In laws can never be blood o speaking as a married woman. In laws will abuse you and your parents.'they feel there son is giving you everything what they don't know is you are the one paying half of the house bills including feeding

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    6. Well, in that case, I have to.say; "thank you Lord for the kind of in laws you gave me".


      Cheers..

      Delete
  12. That point 2 is key.

    No fighting, no quarelling, no bickering.. Just press your IGNORE button. Tested and trusted.

    Gist time.. The mother Inlaw of my sister inlaws came visiting in my state of residence and decided to stay in our house. (We were just few months in marriage).

    I welcomed her and was jovial with her, trying to be friendly. Good morning ma... Hmmm.. ( with boned face)
    Hope you slept well ma ... Hmmm ( with boned face).

    Any question Na boning and irritable look. Me wey never look myself finish, come remain person wey come my house stay for weeks dey enjoy my hospitality free.

    I just change face too. The only thing I owed her was good morning ma.. Cook food , leave for her and go to work.
    Anytime I come back, we go eat night food.
    The day she was leaving, she woke us up 5 am fully dressed, saying she was going back. No preinformation...

    A beg this story is too long.
    Bottom line IGNORE.

    Cheers..

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  13. Abeg I disagree with number 1

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  14. Lastly let me add. If two brothers are "fighting", dear wife, it is not your duty to separate "fight" except you know it would cost your husband harm.

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  15. Am not comfortable with No 1. Reason alot of women in abusive marriages don't speak up. Am not saying you should go around bad mouthing your spouse but there are some issues that shouldn't be kept a secret.

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  16. This reminds me of my dh's elder bro and his family. We live close to each other but don't visit. I'd always call the wife to check on them.. Next thing, she stopped answering my call. When I complained to my sister in law , I got the shocker! She had confided in my SIL that I mocked her the last time I called her cos I asked her "how are the girls?" (She has two girls) that why should I say girls, I would have said kids or whatever.. See me see wahala na. How is that question mocking her? Not like I have plenty boys oo, I have just one.. This is someone that doesn't call and when I call her for us to visit, she comes up with excuse. My kids doesn't even know their kids, it's that bad!

    Last year I went to their Street to run errands and called her. She said she wasn't around. When I drove pass their house, I saw her washing her car.

    Now, I don't call again. Let me face front

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  17. poster it easier said than done, I use to think this way, but getting married changed my perspective totally, some in-laws are trouble some, they always have one or two bad things to say about you. When you famz them too much wahala, you stay on your lane problem, in fact it so annoying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't but agree with you. I tried my best to love them yet they said I wanted them to love me by force. This was said to my face.
      I just maintained my lane since then.

      Delete
    2. Lush I agree with you, I had poster’s mindset before, then I used to argue with my married sisters that they are the ones being difficult with their in laws, but now when I remember those times I disagreed with them I feel bad cos some in laws are just full of wahala....I used to be very close to my mother in law before I married but when she showed me her real self ehn on top one small issue, now I just dey my lane....not too close because familiarity breeds contempt and not too far because I might need her help someday!

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  18. How do you handle a jealous and proud brother in law's wife that likes monitoring all your moves?

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    Replies
    1. By staying and ignoring her totally, and also don't tell her stuff

      Delete
  19. The truth I learnt in a very bitter way is that you can never really be their actual daughter or son. The only thing you can do is to constantly pray that God should put the love for you in their heart and meanwhile let the Holy Spirit direct you in your dealings with them. Sometimes, the one you see as the best and your friend is the most dangerous . Hmmmmm...

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  20. You forgot to add that the wife's mother also carried her daughter in the womb for 9 months too. The wife should be treated with dignity and respect,not like a person without value.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THANK YOU!!! May the good Lore bless you!!

      Delete
  21. Dear hubby's younger sister, you cannot turn my home into a free hotel, neither must you go to your husband's house from my home. My hubby and I are not your parents. Even if we were..

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  22. My dear inlaws and drama... Currently out of my matrimonial home due to inlaw wahala...The crack in my marriage started when my inlaw and my sister fought in my house...My hubby drove both of them away then went back to bring his sister...Been married into a family characterised with unforgiveness I paid dearly for the price...Not close to my in-laws cos anytime I complained to them about hubby they always take his side...I decided to leave in insolation ...It kept going on and on...Until the burial of my mum inlaw when hubby's ex girlfriend went for the burial and I was instructed by my hubby not to attend....Not knowing they conspired to kick me out of my marriage....
    I have learnt my lesson...Never to leave with an inlaw
    Never marry an only son
    Never a man who project his wife fault to his family
    Never marry a Mummy's boy

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  23. My in-laws that their head is not correct. Mum in-law never minds her business and so her children. Keep wondering how hubby is different. But Father in-law is the real deal.

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  24. My mother in-law and elderest sister in law are devil's...in fact the woman didn't train her kids cos the daughters that stay with me are bad news. Well I constantly remind myself that am not married to them.ndi ara

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  25. Let me share my own experience here maybe someone will advise me before I go crazy. I got married at 22 when I didn't really know what I wanted,but I know one thing for sure, my husband loves me unconditionally. We married into a room in my husband's family house and that was the genesis of my problems. I resigned from my place of work to join the family business, I was seen as a nobody until the day came when I forced my husband to go rent a house for us
    I was frustrated, broken and that almost destroyed my home till last year when I decided to be on my own. I refuse to be acknowledged as a nobody. I took the matter to GOD and now my husband chose me over them, we are on our own now although other family members have rejected us and don't want to have anything to do with my husband cos he chose me over them

    They have the money, but we are managing. But one thing is for sure, there is peace in my home now. The love is back

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  26. That calling them once in a while is good if they are cordial when you call. If however they don't pick, they don't call back, they don't reply messages, abeg, you sef face your front. Yes I talk am.
    As much as we all love to live in a perfect world, the truth is that the world isn't perfect, and unfortunately some people will just have unreasonable in-laws. I believe in mutual respect, not kiss ass attitude. You wan kiss ass till you die? Abeg, focus on your husband and kids, if them wan like you, Dem go like you.
    I agree with point one to an extent. It's mainly how your spouse places you in front of your them they will treat you. However, as with most things, there are exceptions. Some might just see that for instance 'this one is Americana o, she might want to start feeling big' and just use that to start acting one kind without actually knowing the real you.
    My point is sha, live and let live. I really don't think one has to fake it .

    ReplyDelete
  27. How come all of una say una in-law bad, some say they are wicked huh? Women pls make we fear God small, we are too difficult & lack forgiving sprite, some say they are not blood but you sleep with their brother, birth children that answer their name, yet you didn't see them as family, shame on you women, if you have never has issues with your sisters & mom, then which am sure not all your siblings love you very much, even your mum can't love you equally yet you still love her & give her things, your in-laws are human too & pls know this everybody mustn't like you, that didn't make them bad people. Take it the way you see it chikena

    ReplyDelete

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