Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

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Friday, May 03, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmmmm.....





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
DATING SOMEONE WHOSE ENGLISH IS HORRIBLE


Good day Stella,


I really need advice from BV's as I'm confused.
I'm a 24 year old lady. I met a guy at the beginning of this year. This guy adores me, worships me and everything. We started off as friends, he's presently asking me out.


Physically he's very okay, but i don't have any feelings for him at all. He's a graduate and working but he has a poor command of English. I suspect that it could be the reason why my heart isn't stirring.


 I have tried so hard to overlook it, but once we chat it's always difficult to understand him. It gives me great concern because i greatly admire guys with good command of English, even if it isn't good at least express yourself without so much errors.

Aside from this, no man has ever cared for and respected me like he does. I'm so confused should I proceed and date him neglecting the issue? Is it likely I will regret later seeing that he has marriage in view? or will I be making a mistake by letting him go?

I will greatly appreciate mature inputs.
Thanks Stella for the platform. please hide my identity...




Hmmmmm I understand you and this could happen to anyone.....
Why dont you start correcting the mistakes he makes via chat?like send him the correct one and add smiley to lighten the mood?He might start becoming aware of his gbagauns and checking them up...He will start trying to get better and if you can summon up courage,please start sending him links to better grammar...he will get the message without feeling you are trying to bring him down.

Dont let go fo a good man because his English is bad,the ones with British and American accent with impeccable English na who them Epp?
You both can end up always laughing anytime he commits error if you handle it well....Good luck oh!!!

127 comments:

  1. Ma'am Stella you to funny. Oya o poster the boss has spoken

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster!!!
      Listen to me!!!
      Dont ever believe or delude yourself into thinking he'd improve with time, biggest scam ever! Na follow come something.
      If you dont feel the connection from the start, chances are you'd never feel it click, if you force urself into the relationship, that english will force you out.
      Dont listen to anyone saying ure throwing away diamond cus of wrong spoken english, the person should go and pick it, you dash them. We all have prioritoes & what we can tolerate! Ure not doing anything wrong!

      Delete
    2. My dear, I'm in similar situation, we attended same uni but he graduated before me, I don't really know him while we were in school but he told me he had been in love with me since then but we reconnected on facebook, I know most of his friends.

      Why I never gave this guy any attention until 2 months ago was because he has poor command of English, writes and speaks very poorly, I can't allow him chat with my friends because they knew I can't end with such man, first thing that attracts me to a man is his good communication skills. But do you know what? Our into is next month and wedding day fixed already. He's everything I needed in a man, he's very caring and supportive. I'm working and earn averagely, but this guy already gave me money to fixed in my account for side business once we marry. He has upgraded me within the few months we started, I'm more happy than before, I will be 31 in few months time, so I can't waste such opportunity

      Now, I've told him stylishly he needs to upgrade and I told him once we're married, I will be teaching him, he's so happy about that, whenever we're chatting, I correct him almost in every of our chats, and he takes to corrections. If your man is someone like this too, that is ready to learn, please don't leave him. Start correcting him whenever you're chatting, but in a very lovely and playful way, don't do it in a way that will hurt his ego.

      Delete
    3. Poster you can help him change. When i met hubby,his dressing and english was something else. He was working and a graduate. Just like you,i wanted to jump and pass,but my sis said,babe help him out. Today that same guy that wore the colours of the rainbow for my court wedding and badly spoken English is no more,but one who has improved in all aspects. He even corrects a whole me sef.

      Delete
    4. Anon 15.59 you mean your fiance speaks/writes worse than what I just read?
      And with this your English you're correcting someone? Anyone?
      You both are a match made in 'Uni'. Pray tell, what is the name of the university you both attended?
      Just asking for future references...

      Delete
    5. @anon 15:59, your write up only tells me you're in same category as your fiance.....

      Delete
    6. Poster, be like Anon 15:59.
      Her man writes check properly.
      He's also willing to take correction. ☺

      Delete
    7. To you now, you think you're good in English with all the gibberish you wrote up there?
      You're a disgrace to he called a graduate.

      Delete
    8. Yaba left escapee3 May 2019 at 17:19

      Poster youre 24, not 31yrs old... dont follow blindly, it works for her doesnt mean it'd work for you.

      Delete
    9. You all shouting,if someone like ronaldo or messi asks u out today,would u say he doesnt know english so no? Little things have made some people forgo where they would get peace of mind..If he isnt proud,u can always correct him,there are many men that can speak very well bt are still useless..

      Delete
    10. personally I won't date someone that can't speak proper english

      Delete
    11. My husband is not so good with English. I don't care. He treat me well. Na wao I thought English was just like every other language. Naija the way we take put this thing for head ehn, the people wey get am nor put am for head like that. Hmmm.

      Delete
  2. abeg ignore Stella, i always remember my crush in uni that i was dying for hopelessly and fantasizing -over. all my green lights were on full beam for this guy till the day he approached me and was jittery, then mustered all the courage in his life to say "baby make we dialogue"
    Apparently dude isnt eloquent in grammar, mehn, all the infactuation disappeared instantly!! till date my cousins will say "baby make we dialogue if we want to gossip cos of that dude

    point is, dont settle for someone if they dont meet your standards. Before una go de gbensh and Oga will be shouting "ooh baby i am caming, i am caming, i have came, i have came"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Loooool. Why u come dey dialogue like this na.

      Delete
    2. Lmao @ I am coming, I am caming hahaha ewooo

      Delete
    3. Hahhaaaa! You guys are funny

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    4. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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    5. This cracked me up πŸ˜„

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    6. Anon 15:59, your English can't be much better than your fiancΓ©'s as your English is terrible too...

      Delete
    7. Hahahahahhaahahhahahahahahaaha.... You are not well at all.

      Delete
    8. Sylvia how can you be mad at him when you’re here typing “infaCtuation”?

      Delete
  3. I hope he is not the type that gets angry when is being corrected?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster, he might not be teachable. Are you aware that 90% of the English we speak today, were learnt in our formative years that is; primary and secondary School.
      What was he learning all that time? How did he pass exams? Because I know the questions are usually answered in correct English. Did he cheat his way through school? Besides the English thing, is he generally a dull person?
      I say all these because of your children. Children don't pick up intelligence from the hospital during ante natal you know, it's in their genes...

      Delete
    2. @mama mia,intelligence isnt by english o..Many of them dont know how to speak well bcuz of the environment they grew in,ive personally had alot of guys that couldn't speak well but are very intelligent..Infact there is this family friend of ours,this guy's english isnt so good bt he knows book wella nd teaches people sef for extra lessons..We used to laugh at his english nd now he works with a good company nd ive noticed his english is now very better..English isnt a measure of intelligence..Many italians,germans,chinese nd the likes dont even speak english nd i ask again,if na messi or ronaldo type ask her out,would she still say he cant speak english well?

      Delete
    3. Beezee I get your point, and i already put it into consideration hence the question in my comment if he is generally dull.

      Delete
    4. bezee and Sluttychick, people are not saying she should not go for the man. We are telling her to date him for months and see if HE IS TEACHABLE and READY to improve. We are saying that even if he learns now, he may just be pretending and later start saying he is no more learning. Can she stand that? is the man famous and rich like Messi and Ronaldo? Messi speaks Spanish likewise many of Barca players on the field. What do Nigeria players speak on the pitch? If Nigeria players want to write on SM or put some captions on Instagram, don't they write in English Language. Mercy Aigbe's husband sef has gotten an editor because he knows he must write well. My dear poster, you just met him and he will still be lovey-dovey. A man that refused to learn since his undergraduate days can't learn again. As a graduate, he will be proud to learn. He may even be arguing with you that some of his sentences are right.

      Delete
    5. My sister's husband is exactly what you described here but he is the husband any woman will pray to have. He is godly, he cares for his immediate and extended family. Rich and hard working and very open to correction.

      Delete
  4. Never start what you can't finish, it will irritate you the more after marriage and you will want out then except you want to pray for him, fast forty days and night.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've been in this situation. I kept correcting him. Now he speaks and types better but werwe not anymore

    ReplyDelete
  6. Some girls dey marry oke Brazil wey dey sell for Alaba market. There was one rich agbero in my place those days, his wife became an education officer and goes everywhere with him and when he "gbaguans" in public, she corrects him.
    You can suggest he get some help with his English language. I used to be a tutor to one London big boy that wanted to make it in Nigerian politics. This is to let you know there are very many people out there like your about to be boo. Don't loose a good man because of English o. English no be our language

    ReplyDelete
  7. As long as he can write a check properly, give him a chance. 🀷‍♀️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 😜😜😜😜😜

      Delete
    2. Olodo it’s cheque, what’s d difference between u and d guy

      Delete
    3. You its always about money?
      Cant she make hers?

      Delete
    4. Perxian too much sense dey worry you....
      Seconded...

      Delete
    5. Perx baibay, I concur😁😁😁

      Delete
    6. First learn to spell cheque correctly

      Delete
    7. Just look at this half a brain dummy called @mYSsTiQue. 🀣

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    8. cheque, or check (American English; see spelling differences)πŸ˜’

      Delete
    9. Yaba left escapee3 May 2019 at 17:22

      "Check" is also correct.

      Delete
    10. Check = American
      Cheque = British
      Both are correct.

      Delete
    11. What is it with Nigerians being more British than the queen?
      As long as he can communicate .I am good

      Delete
  8. I thought it is only Africans that gbagaun in English until I heard one English woman spake what deafted my earπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ kaiii as in native speakers of English o

    Poster, even the language owners they speak rubbish too....chill abeg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. English might bot be her 1st language

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    2. Na lie, some British gbaguan pass. Some cant even write a line of correct sentence.

      Delete
  9. Na so I take fall for edo guy with good command of English and where e leave me? Pregnant, broke and single, poster if the guy is genuine then go for him please if you correct him with love he'll change.

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  10. I use to know one then... couldn't bring myself to correct him and didn't like it either. I had to leave abeg

    ReplyDelete
  11. So far I have a good command of English which is my second language, i don't care if my better half does or not...am I d one making d blunders? U gbagz, I correct u, if u like vex.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You'd be surprised how it'd affect you, small small shame go begin enter

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    2. Shame for? Will shame stop me from eating 3 square meals or kini

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    3. Written and spoken English my foot..meanwhile if it were a Spaniard asking for her hand. She may never think of spoken English she will even learn spanish...

      Delete
    4. I’m with you blackberry

      Delete
  12. For me ability to speak and write good English is really important, you can’t come and be embarrassing me up and down. Marriage is a forever thing, what was he doing all these time with his life that he couldn’t learn proper English, Except he is overloaded with cash like “Ned Nwoko” lolz, poster look front respect and care is not enough, you are just 24 I don’t know why u feel u can’t do better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So, you think you write good English? Your punctuation are off and........ oh well......

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    2. Your written English ain't good either.

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    3. U can do the honours of re-punctuating no?! Smhh
      Btw “punctuation(s) are of” @mystique

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    4. Orela it’s isnt good

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    5. @anon..19:13..lack of punctuation spoilt your corrections.

      Delete
    6. @anon..19.13....hope you know ain't is a short form for "is not", "are not","has not","have not" and even "am not".
      #welearneveryday.
      This your correction without punctuations sounds like,"it is is not good". #nomeaning

      Delete
  13. You see someone taking care of you in this hard times, you are considering his grammar. Correct him lovingly, when the corrections are too many he will be forced to find a way to improve himself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster, all men take care, love, adore, worships a lady they want to woo. But only few of them can maintain the level of the care, love and worship for years. He wants to win your heart, so all those nice things about him isn't a big deal. I may be wrong tho.

      Delete
    2. Thank you prudent.
      I keep hearing ladies saying hes nice, Godfearing, caring, bla bla bla.... only a handfull of men are built to keep the flame burning after several years, na follow come something.
      All these broken & problematic marriages you see 2day, you think they werent super caring?

      Delete
    3. Prudent thank jare. Was going to say the same thing till i saw your comment.
      He would definitely take to correction now because he wants to marry her, but after marriage he would get get tired of her incessant corrections and tell her to leave him be. Afterall she saw and married him like that. After marriage he might return to his default setting. Any flaws you don't like in your partner, most times multiplies after they have finally gotten you in marriage.
      So poster would you still love him then?.

      Delete
  14. poster you better let the guy go.

    don't date/marry him out of pity.

    ReplyDelete
  15. If good English is a deal breaker for you please leave him....That means his not intelligent which can be hereditary....But since you can speak good English no alarm bell, with time he will improve....My husband always correct my gbagaun even my British born kids are used to it...m

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    Replies
    1. Did you say it means his not intelligent? Omg 🚢🚢🚢🚢

      Delete
    2. Ode too blessed, didn't u see anon 15:13 already yabbed herself b4 u even attempted to? Did she claim to be an English woman?
      In ur mind now, u can correct someone, I'll watch out for ur gbagauns.
      Don't let me reverse that ur name for u o.

      Delete
  16. Follow Stella's advice first and see if he won't get angry while correcting him. Some of them have one yeye ego ontop their gbagaun. You will be hearing " I see one neslake(necklace) yesterday and I doesn't bought it because you like to be corrected me every time". "I will like to walked you on the highsu (aisle) but I didn't think I can control you in wedding cos of your Oyinbo sprespre". Good luck

    ReplyDelete
  17. Just 24years old and your are already making compromises just because you smell there might be marriage proposal down the tunnel?

    So what would happen if you found yourself single at 34? That one you will be most willing to accept an Almajeri so long as he has marriage proposal in view.

    If you like dont enjoy your youth and maintain high expectations. No be your mates de marry the man of their dreams?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Does his name start with T and ends with Y??

    ReplyDelete
  19. ....those kind people can chook mouth in public conversations eh

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    Replies
    1. Kwaaaaaaaaa

      Delete
    2. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
  20. Argh! This poster sounds like me oooh! Tho mine isn't about the English nor spoken words. The Bo-Bo loves and respects me, cares for me, supports my business, but his spiritual level and relationship with God gives me so much concern, he goes to church infact we attend the same church but he's not spiritually matured and burning for God as I desire, I don't want to leave him but I'm also concerned. In all my relationship have had he sure treats me right, everyone in my house likes him, he cares for my siblings... I'm just so confused. How do one even know if the man is the right partner, marriage is for ever eh, I don't believe in running up and down from one Pastor to another seeking for prayers to know if he's the one. God please help me make the right decision.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't have a problem. If you let that man go, you will regret it. I pray you leave him sef and enter the hand of a pastor wey no get sense.

      Delete
    2. Meaning your maturity in Christ is not burning as it should.
      Some people sef.
      Never satisfied.

      Delete
    3. Anon 15:19 You're a very unserious human being. Since you think you're more mature in Christ, why are you in that relationship? And why did you introduce him to your family, if you know/think you've not gotten God's approval? Now, he has started doing things for them and they have started liking him. Tomorrow, you'll marry a man that you'll claim your family pressured you into marrying.

      Yes, it's true that in SOME relationships, the woman may be more spiritually mature (especially at the beginning) but for you to be this confused means your own has K leg. Only God knows exactly what you're using to measure your level of spiritual maturity, but look at the basis on which you entered and are staying in a relationship. One of two things will happen - a) you will throw away your real husband where you're thinking you're more mature and fall into the hands of a wicked pastor who will say all the right things to trap you, then show you pepper. Or b) you will marry a man cos he is nice to your siblings, then you'll find out that he doesn't know God at all.

      You've been functioning on your own all this while but you want to snap your fingers cos of marriage and God will show you whether he's the right one. As if God is a dog. Don't take time out and seek the face of God, oh. Stay there and be claiming to be more spiritually mature. You will send chronicles.

      Delete
    4. The church sends confusing messages about this. As I told my friend over eleven years ago that he believes in God is enough. As long as he’s good to you and submits to the will of God marry him if you love him. There’s no requirement that your husband be a spiri Koko believer. More than eleven years later and they are still celebrating joy in their marriage

      Delete
    5. Aunty spiritual, how old are you again?

      Delete
    6. Anon 15:19 you are the one not yet ready for marriage.it is your type that is looking for a spirikoko husband that will land into the hands of a womanizer pastor.you fail to know that it's a woman's duty to build her home the way she wants it.if your husband is not as spiritual as you want,you carry your children alone,leave the man to perform his duties at home cos there are better things to think of that always sleeping in the church with an empty pocket.

      Delete
    7. Yaba left escapee3 May 2019 at 17:29

      15:19.
      I dont even know what to say to you, when you turn to evening newspaper, then you'd know what uve done to urself.

      Delete
    8. It’s a compatibility issue
      It’s not just about religion

      Delete
  21. Stella today I've confirmed that your mentality has really changed and you don't see things like your folks.

    Poster don't correct his grammatical mistakes if you do not talk about it 1st. Look for a good moment when both of you are in a good mood and chip it in. If you go straight to correcting him, he will feel embarrassed and you wouldn't like the outcome. As for if you should date him or not, only you can answer that.

    ReplyDelete
  22. People that can speak English na them Dey love pass oh, *lmao tears falling*. You think he does not know he is deficient. Honey that man isn’t about to go back to school to learn English becos of you. Are u still asleep?

    ReplyDelete
  23. Date him for 3 months and see the love clear away unless he improves on his tenses. Don't marry beyond your standards. it's not worth it. Forget his love. By the time you enter his house, he will remind you that you saw him with his grammar and married him like that, anytime you want to correct him. Don't let me deceive you, he won't get better. What was he looking all these years that he didn't improve?

    ReplyDelete
  24. Try and teach him, but if you know you can't, allow him go, so he can truly love and be loved.
    When trying remember Tonto, she was looking for a rich and clean guy who speaks and acts well, the rest of the story,i believe you know.

    Do what's best for you.

    ReplyDelete
  25. You have a valid concern cos nobody wants to be embarrassed. But if this is the right man for you and grammar is his only flaw, please don't throw him away cos of something that can easily be corrected. The only thing is whether he is teachable. If he's not, leave him immediately - can't be deficient yet unteachable at the same time. But if he is teachable, there are kind and sensitive ways you can help him improve his grammar. It's not that you're managing him oh. But please bear in mind that not everyone had the same opportunity to attend certain schools or easily understands things that you might even take for granted.

    Poster, if the grammar is the only comma this man has, please comment under this and give me examples of what you mean. I would like to have a better idea of what level he's at. I don't mean that in a bad way or to ridicule him but just to understand what books, teaching methods, etc would be best for him. Or if you prefer private email, let Stella know and I'll send her an email with an email address where you can reach me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Enter your reply..thanks a lot for the offer. i will appreciate if you can recommend materials and tips for beginners, both for writing and speaking fluently and correctly.
      God bless you

      Delete
  26. Correct him whenever he makes mistakes in a subtle manner.
    I am sure he’ll do better after sometime.
    If his got a huge dick, die there.
    Who English epp?

    ReplyDelete
  27. Oh ya heart is not stirring (like Okro soup) eh? 😊
    Tell us that the man is not "dollar ATM" or the one
    that is loaded like Regina own eh? 😜
    Abeg free the man o (make another grab?)
    No be when an abroadian incantation chanting wanna gonna
    show up tomorrow, you go write sdk say you wan collect another
    horseband join the first one. 😯😯
    Make you keep stirring that ya (okro soup) heart, when that ya
    age go do reverse come be 42 years, eheeeeeee, you go dey wan marry
    even the one wey no sabi speak even native
    Umu Naija girls!

    ReplyDelete
  28. My dearrrrr! I totally gerrit especially since it is our lingua franca BUT... reason am small o. From what you've explained, it seems "cut-and-sew grammar" is his only comma in life. What about his other good qualities and how he treats you like a queen huh?

    But then, does he talk too much or is he the quiet type? If he is not always trying to "show himself" in public, I'd advise you date him for a while to know if you can live with it. I say "live with it" because very little will change no matter how much you correct him. Too much correction sef can cause fight after some time. This issue is even not always a question of whether he attended great schools or not. I always feel like hitting my darling Morayo's head whenever she says she wants to "round up the show"! Sombori that is not a police officer oh. And she's been saying the same thing on TV for five years plus. She went to Corona, schooled abroad and is surrounded by people, colleagues especially newscasters who speak impeccable English. I was once introduced to a Professor who said "After us, you are doing your best". Hian!

    This guy's English might not improve beyond what it is BUT I'd pick a good man over good grammar any day. I will just politely ask him to speak with the children in his native language and never help them with their English language home-work so that he doesn't confuse their destiny. That's all. But laslas, follow your heart sha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Say what you know Aunty. Pidgin is our lingua franca, and not English.

      Delete
  29. It all depends on you. First things first. Do you love him the way he is (with his bad spoken English)? There are so many 'what ifs'in this situation. Think deeply. What if he doesn't take corrections, can you love him still? If you say "I like him but I don't like the way he eats apples" and you go ahead to marry him, there would certainly be problems whenever you see him eat apples.

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  30. If he is loaded with cash you can ignore or correct him with love..
    Most importantly he spoils you silly..

    ReplyDelete
  31. Na who English help???????
    Focus on his love
    Money
    Care

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Scam.
      You'd cheat on him.
      English epp people oh

      Delete
  32. Is he the teachable type and your friend I.e is he the type you can 'yab' when he makes an error and he won't be offended?

    My dear, even native speakers make mistakes in pronunciation and grammar, if you doubt it, ask Gabrielle Union in 'We are going to need more wine'

    Without correcting him constantly, he can even learn from you as he hears you speak.

    Do not allow your love for 'flawless' English make you detest a good husband material.

    Ya gazie.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Americans speak the worst English yet Nigerians will be hailing them. I lost a good man because of this and he later married a medical Doctor and now he speaks and writes well. Poster don't even try it. Do not lose a good man because of his spoken and written english.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How did you know that he now speaks and writes well? If you're judging with his write-ups on SM, it MAY be his wife writing on his behalf. Do you even know what the medical doctor is facing in the corners of their house?

      Delete
  34. If you can overlook fine, if you can't, move on.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I love me a guy who can speak good English but there are so many things worse than bad English. One is mouth odor. The one that would say “baby kiss me” and then you dodge and give breast instead and at the end, breast will be smelling like what you cannot describe. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Not my experience oo... na gist dem gist me. πŸ˜† 😝
    Anyway poster it really depends on your feelings towards the guy. Please leave the guy alone unless you can grow to love him. You might end up resenting him.

    ReplyDelete
  36. It doesn't matter what it is, if there is something you need a partner to have to be content, you need to have it. If you like men who are fluent in English so be it. Don't feel like you owe anybody an explanation for wanting what you want. You only met him this year, and we just started the month of May so technically you have known him for about four months give and take what part of the year you met him, in four months everyone is still on their good behavior, so you don't really know that he loves and adores you. Just let him go find a woman who is content with all of his being, he deserves that. Never marry anyone you are not 100% at peace with, you will always regret it. Even the women who married broke men who turned out wealthy later in life, they were at peace with their men in their poverty. It's the state of peace and contentedness with someone that allows a marriage to thrive and miracles to happen. A union in which one or both partners were never at peace with the other will never thrive.

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  37. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  38. If the feeling of love for the guy is in your heart.Then go for him.you can correct him with love.But if you don't love him.Just let him go another better guy will come ur way.Don't settle for something below ur standards. This is because marriage is a life time contract. When my bf left me.I didn't even feel pain in my heart bcus he has a poor dress sense and he talk too much.A chatter box is a huge turn off for me.

    ReplyDelete
  39. This post is so funny I can’t stop laughing. Some of you are saying you can’t date a guy who struggles with good English.
    From some comments I read up there, you are not even better na.
    Some of you try to write better but spoken English is a huge problem for you.
    What’s wrong in trying to teach/help out?
    Who is actually perfect with this English of a thing?its so easy for some of you to come here and pretend to be perfect when in real life, you are not even near good.
    Learn to be passionate and kind.
    There’s no shame in in correcting someone you really care about.
    I get corrected sometimes and I accept it with love.
    Fake people living double standards.
    Please feel free to pick out my gbaguan...I’ll gladly accept and learn from it.



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  40. The worst kind of pain and betrayal is when someone you stepped down for starts disrespecting you after getting what he wants! If you know what is good for you better don't settle for less. There are lots of good,rich, good fearing, eloquent guys out there...I know because I married one.My husband's clique of friends are all high fliers as well! Upgrade yourself,pray, keep your head high and you will attract one! Follow that Stella's advice at your own peril

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    1. Poster comman see the above comment πŸ‘†

      Don't ever marry down. I personally, can't give an audience to a man with a poor command of the English language. Dont lower your standards for any man cos you gon' regret it

      Delete
  41. Once you get engaged to him, you will start seeing fine bobos with proper phoney and every attribute. Your village people will give you work then 🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣

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  42. Poster, I was engaged to a wonderful man that worships me. He loved me to stupor, very wealthy, bought me a car, lots of vacation, luxury at it's best. But you know what, his English was horrible.
    I tried correcting him, bought books, I send links to videos and all what not.
    My dear, when I discovered he wasn't interested in improving, I carried my two left legs and disappeared.
    I couldn't cope. I never allowed him to talk to my friends except in vernacular and that was once. I never went anywhere with him. I don't hang out with him because we might meet someone I know and the embarrassment will be enormous.

    Imagine the feeling if he needs to talk at a public gathering, your heart will be turninoninown

    You just met this guy. Give it time. Being sweet in the early part of the relationship is normal but time reveals all things.

    Correct him in love and see his reaction but the fact that his reaction was sweet now doesn't guarantee it will continue. When he marries you, things might change.

    From this my marriage, I've learnt that flaws are magnified in marriage. Things you taught won't really matter, become so big you'll start questioning your judgment.

    If his English is a source of worry to you now, it will become worse in marriage if he doesn't improve. Find out if improving his grammar is even important to him, find out if he knows his English is not good because he might even lack insight. Start from there and please I beg you, give it time.

    It's better to marry the right person after 30 than marry the wrong one much earlier. I'm talking from experience

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  43. Anon 18:45 you are wise, gave apt and detailed information of both future dealings and present ones!!
    I like people that give balanced advise like you touching every aspect! !

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  44. Adanma😘!!! Jelly Sandals, Jelly Shoes & More.... @080371516493 May 2019 at 19:40

    @Stella, nice advice..πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

    @Poster, I feel you shld heed to Stella's advice!!

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  45. Please do not marry him unless you are 100% at peace. Don't let anyone say it will be okay, it won't be okay. However, if he is teachable and you are not haughty, give a relationship a try. After all, no one is perfect. Exit the relationship if he is not interested in upgrading his English, please.

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  46. You said you don't have feelings at all for him, I guess that settles it... As regards his spoken English, well, if that's a deal breaker for you, that's fine. You'd be amazed the seemingly 'petty' things that people have ended relationships over. That's why we are all different. If you can't cope with the way he speaks now, if its a flaw you cannot overlook, then do right by him and let him be. Don't let anyone blackmail you emotionally into thinking its a petty reason, for if you marry him to prove that you aren't 'shallow', well, note that flaws are exaggerated and magnified in marriage because of proximity. Cheers. ...by the way, how can you even be considering dating someone you feel nothing for, good English or not?

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  47. Must you guys speak English? Anyway, I trust the guy, once you guys get married, you both will be speaking dialect to jist sef and he might speak pidgin to strangers. When together, in an official setting, you can allow him do the talking and when it seems his audience his confused, you takeover the conversation. As time goes on, he will get better. Perhaps not 100%. However, for you to be this concerned, allow me to tell you that you are not in love with him. There is no connection or chemistry so don't force it. Free him. When you meet the right guy, trust me, even his errors will be so cute and hilarious and you won't need a chronicle to sort things out. You guys will just flow. Just that if he changes in character later on in future, you will even hate the air he breathes out. Everything about him will irritate you. But hey, you are still very young. Let him tag along as a friend.

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  48. Dear poster. This was me 5 years ago. My husband was asking me out and I refused cos of his bad use of English language. Mind you, I'm a lawyer, so you should know how that should have made me feel. I didn't accept him. But he was just tooo caring. I even got engaged to someone else even did my introduction with this person and my husband was still there offering me friendship. When I broke up with my ex, I decided to give this guy a chance. I married him 2years ago and it has been the best two years of my life. He is learning everyday. The thing is find out if he is willing to learn . If he takes offence when you're trying to correct him, then that would be a problem. Correct him with love and not in public. It's better to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. That's when the marriage would stand. When he makes mistakes now in public, I don't even flinch. He wasn't as privileged as me and that makes me more thankful for my background. Just give this a chance

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  49. Sweetheart, never ignore what you consider a deal breaker just because the guy treats you right and worships the ground you walk on. What makes you think you can't get a polished guy who would also treat you like the Queen you are? Why sell yourself short? Why settle for less for fear of getting old and still being single? Would you rather be a frustrated and ill-mannered married young woman?

    Honey, who buys a pair of shoes that do not fit just because it looks good or for fear of missing out on owning a pair of good shoes regardless of the fact that it's the wrong fit? If you don't know what you want, you will be easily carried away and may end up with the wrong man. Baby, your man has to make you tick, attraction is very important in a marriage. If you have a type, please stick to your type. Don't get me wrong, there are ladies who married men who were not really their type and the marriage works. They are the few exception to the general rule. Are you sure you want to gamble with your future?

    Imagine being with friends and their husbands, communication is flowing freely, perhaps you even learned a couple of new words, only for hubby to release some verbal intercontinental ballistic missiles and there's a palpable shift in the atmosphere, you feel embarrassment twining you like a snake. Sweetie, trust me, you will start resenting him and before long you will start regretting why you settled for less.

    Personally, I can't deal, I just can't. It's a major pet peeve of mine, so even if an angel were to drop from the sky and just happens to have poor command of English, I will kiss his glorious wings goodbye and advice him to fly nextdoor because he OBVIOUSLY belongs to someone else. If there's something wrong with a package, perhaps it isn't yours, my love. It's like forcing a square peg into a round hole, regardless of the energy exerted, it still wouldn't fit.

    What you tolerate now during courtship usually gets more intense after marriage because, most men tend to relax after they've won the prize, some don't see the need to keep impressing their wives. After all, " she ain't going nowhere", no? A boyfriend who may humble himself enough to be taught, may morph into an aggressive husband who feels wifey is being too pushy and overbearing. He may even feel insulted and start acting out. It's not like you weren't aware of state of affairs before you married him. My darling, the role of a good wife is herculean enough without adding English tutorials to it. Are you sure you want to take the bull by the horn? It might be easier to take the horn by the bull, in your case. Please be wise.

    e-hugs and kisses.

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    1. God bless you.i am 34,single,eventhough i want to settle down,i will never settle for less.i believe God will send me a man his own heart and that man will compli me.

      Delete
  50. Pls do not fall into this trap, this will be a major issue once you marry him. Like you I couldn’t bear with incorrect tenses et all but I went ahead to marry my hubby, anyway at the time it didn’t sound so bad but now I cannot help but feel embarrassed about it, every single day especially given the fact that he always speaks English even I wey sabi small, I speak like 90% local language when I’m not in a corporate environment. To think that my mom’s tenses are even more correct is very painful. Do not do it if you don’t feel it! Just 2 days ago, he told me there is nothing he pronounces right in my ears, sad he doesn’t even know how bad he sounds.

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  51. I'm sorry for many women on here. Acting like they're all that and if a man isn't perfect according to their friends' standards, it means they're marrying down. Hollywood movies must be deceiving you.

    Why did Esther in the Bible have to go through 12months of training and beauty treatment? As the favoured one, wasn't she already perfect?
    Even today, when a woman marries up (so the class difference is very obvious) and she has a sane mother-in-law, why do they teach her etiquette and other things when she's not a child? See people claiming English is an indicator of intelligence or that it must be learnt in childhood or else.

    I'm educated and can hold my own anywhere but it was after we got married, it dawned on my husband that I didn't know how to knot a man's tie. And that's when I realised I'd never done it before. He was stunned cos I actually attend black tie events as a part of my job. But I wasn't close to my father, I had a few ex-es but had never been close enough to do this for them, and I don't wear ties. It had never occurred to me. So where, when and why was I supposed to have learned it? Maybe if my husband has fish brain like some of the people here, he'd have forgotten or ignored every other quality I have that made him marry me. He would have just concluded that I will disgrace him outside so he should leave me over something that can be learnt. Shior!

    Poster, God's timetable for people is different. That someone else got married at 30 or even 50 doesn't make it the standard. May you not miss your husband and timing because of silliness.

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  52. Enter your comment...thank you Stella for posting. I appreciate you all for the wonderful advice. God bless everyone

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  53. Naija girls and desperation to marry. you have no feeling for him so what business do you have dating in the first place? when trouble starts you wonder why the devil is fighting you when na you do your self...so no more men in naija again that you think at 24 you must hook this one? is he the only bobo nice in naija? so no other man who speaks well will like you again? even God gives us free will to choose so why marry a guy you have no feelings for cos he treats you nice. people who love each other have and will continue to marry with some of the major qualities they want. I married my hubby with most of the major qualities I wanted. no money then but we were both graduates and years down the line today we are doing well. the key word here for me is we loved each other, there was chemistry. if you are not excited about someone trust me you are gonna be sorry down the line. every relationship has troubles so its the chemistry between you that motivates you to work things out...if you have no feelings for him leave him and wait for the person that makes you feel good. stop being desperate as if men are becoming extinct

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