THE MOTHER FACTOR
I have talked to her countless times about it to stop but she wouldn't listen and she kept on doing that. I recently told her I want to get a huge job,I told her about it cos since she is my partner and I shouldn't hide things from her,the next thing I got a call from her mom saying when you get the money for the job do so so so and so.
I was so mad and just wondering why can't she stop doing this. I asked her about it and she told me she thought her mom could help with prayers so I can get the job...
I'm presently furious and angry cos it is getting too much of her..why is it just hard for her to let things be between us....I just don't know what to do any more.
*I have heard of cases like this where this kind of interference breaks up the Marriage...I don't know how to handle this or advice you cos I am a mum and would somewhat love my kids to confide stuff in me......Though not extreme but i would love to know...Maybe the woman's mistake is that she makes it obvious that her daughter told her ....
Wait until you become a parent then you will understand better.....for now take it easy cos this might lead to the end of the relationship if you dont handle it well.
Why is she like that? That's really bad, not everything in relationship you tell your family... Continue talk her about it... She will change
ReplyDeleteI agree with sonia. She will change. I also blv she is qiute young. I used to be like that when i was very young and just started sating. My blame is the loud mouthed mother who wont keep stuff her daughter confided in her to herself. She i the real olofofo.
DeleteI had an ex like that. Any little thing, he’ll run to his and tell her everything.
DeleteHis dad asked him to stop it but he didn’t listen.
Before you know it, his mum started giving me attitude .That was what ruined our relationship.
Such people, you have to fear them.
this is my own darling husband, runs to his family to tell them every, if i cough i get a call from his peeps asking if i had got cough medication, mehn its tiring
DeleteBecause her mum is d original jazz. Everything she needs to b DONE d mum will DO. Guard ur life. Such pple ehennnnn. Check if d woman don lock ur pix for bottle somewhere
DeleteChange Nibo? You guys need to factor how very close the lady is with her mom, if she has, over the years, built a strong confidant both with the mom, then she'll never stop. There are some family bond that is like that
DeletePoster wahala nor dey. Hence she cant keep quiet stop telling her things. She'll get the message. Seem like its a case of " like mother like daughter" both dont know when to keep quiet. Its actually a big turnoff.
DeleteThe problem isn’t telling her mum stuff. The problem is knowing where to draw the line. I tell my parents a lot of things but I know where to draw the line. You can’t ask her not to tell her mum she is pregnant for instance. On the other hand, if you want to surprise her mum with a car, would/should she go blabbing about it? My advise is to discuss a line with your fiancé. Define what the boundary is clearly and AGREE ON IT (not yours, not hers. The two as one) if she breaks it, perhaps it’s time to break the relationship. Marriage is for adults. Respecting boundaries is adulting 101
DeleteWell, I have no advice for you. I'm in the same boat with your girlfriend. I tell my mum almost everything that goes on in my life and my relationship. I and my mum are like 5 & 6, but the good thing about my mum is, she doesn't let my boyfriend know that she's aware of almost everything that goes on in our relationship. In fact, sometimes when we have problems and he calls her to tell her, she will act all surprise like she's just hearing it for the first time. And when something good happens and he calls her to inform her, she will act like she's not aware.😆😆😆😆 We have discussed all my boyfriends and even their family secrets but I always tell her not to discuss the sensitive information I tell her to anyone. My mum is the best mum abeg. She's too nice and everyone in the house knows I'm her favorite. My mum is my best friend.😋
DeleteShe will not change o
DeleteHandle her with wisdom
ReplyDeleteTHE MOTHER HAPPENS TO TALK TOO MUCH,IF NOT, SHE SHOULDN'T EVEN TELL THE GUY,I THINK THE DAUGHTER IS DOING THAT FOR EXTRA HELP IN PRAYERS BUT THEN AGAIN, THE LADY NEEDS TO WATCH IT AND WARN HER MOM,THINGS LIKE THIS WILL BREAK UP A NEW HOME.
DeleteSucre you are shouting
DeleteThe problem is not the fiancee but the mother. She talks too much. A girl can have a mom as bestie for support and advices it happens a lot where we tell our mothers everything but when the mama can't keep quiet about it, it's time to find another besty or be your own best friend. Your fiancee should advice her mother to stop broadcasting what she tells her.
ReplyDeleteU are right..Poster u should stamp ur feet on d ground and give her serious warning..U can even threaten her with breakup so she can change.. Nobody wants to marry a parrot who can't hide stuff..
DeleteDis is why someone I know called off his engagement..D girl he wanted to marry always run to her family to tell them about details of their relationship..She will even tell her man what d family said and it looks like they are controlling her..Daz why d guy walked away..
Nobody said u should not tell ur people what is going on between u and ur man,but always ensure ur family don't let d person know they are aware..Always tell them to keep d info to themselves..
Ur girlfriend is still a baby..I am sure she is in her early 20s..Daz what u get when u leave mature women to marry small girl bcos u want who u can control..Deal with ur decisions.
This is one of the reasons I pity people who put all their hope on Children, what if they have partners like this who wants to cut them off family ties.
ReplyDeleteYou think it's easy for her to just stop in a day a habit she has formed over decades.
He isn't trying to cut her mum off. It is her mum that has no wisdom. My sister tells me EVERYTHING but you will never know I know EVERYTHING because I don't repeat it and if you ask me if i know i go lie lie ni o.
DeleteWhere's the cut off? So the woman should remain a radio to re broadcast everything she heard..
DeleteYou said you've talked to her countless times but she wouldn't listen? Oga you better run as fast as your legs can carry . Leave that girl before she and her mother put you inside a bottle!
ReplyDeleteEverything run run run. Na wa. Is that how u will run from ur hubby when u have issues to settle.
DeleteStop giving people bad advice abeg
Fan u re very WICKED!!!..SMH poster don't take this advice
DeleteHahahaha. MMM lady
DeleteTo you, there's always fire on the mountain. It doesn't matter if the 'mountain' is a molehill.
Delete........
We are beginning to adopt this culture of not trying. The culture that suggests flight as the first port of call. It betrays our reluctance to think. To brainstorm. And it has to stop!
FAN Emmanuel, i am strongly in support of your position. I am a woman but obviously this girl is not mentally capable to be in marriage. Poster if you don't run, she will connive with her mother and destroy you!!!I pity your future!!!
DeleteEka Joy they are not married yet so this is enough sign for him to RUN. The fact that her mother is greedy makes it worse, how can she already start demanding even when the guy has not gotten the job. This is the kind of mother in law that will drain her son inlaw..
DeleteAnd please next time try to be civil as a good teacher if not,both of us can be 2 elephants in that aspect.
Poster, find another woman that has sense before u marry the mom & daughter join. As u can see it is a joint package.
DeleteHeres what you should do...
ReplyDeleteMake the mom your friend also, start telling her things about ur fiance (her daughter).. things she'd not want her mom to know, like how shes not pleasing you in bed, tell her she doesnt like cooking or sweeping, plenty lie lie... she'd hate it and stop, so u would also stop
Hahahaha. No kill person ooo
DeleteOP, don't follow this stupid advice above me...
DeleteStop telling your girl things until she's matured enough to handle intimacy talk. Keep to yourself for now otherwise, your relationship won't last.
Poster take this advice it will work
Deletewhat if he isn't sleeping with the girl yet, and the mum doesn't expect her to start cooking and cleaning when she isn't married.
DeleteYour future MIL is not wise likewise her daughter. Recipe for a broken marriage so pick up your sandals and run. Good you saw the signs early. The wife to be can confide in her mother and both don't shout it on the root top. Like mother like daughter... Asiri people
ReplyDeleteShe has a dripping mouth.
ReplyDeleteBe mindful what you tell her.
I do that too and it's not good but then I think she does it out of excitement.
ReplyDeleteWhich kind excitement? What happened to not bringing a third party? Why can't she just stop it since the guy doesnt like it? She should use sense and filter what she says, it's not everything one says
DeleteSame thing my wife does, but when I do the same she complains that am discussing our private matter with outsiders. But her own parents aren't outsiders ba? . Calls me mommy's boy but what do I call her mommy's girl? It's okay.
ReplyDeleteIt will guess worse when you get married. If this is a deal breaker for you, opt out now.
ReplyDeleteIt's not after a 6months marriage you will send in another chronicle lamenting.
Reason I don't tel my mom abt my relationship or my partner issue,she can b calling to ask hw far n prayers..N msg tyms it can b vry annoying
ReplyDeleteThe mother is lousy that's all
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the reasons a relationship I know broke. They've even done their intro, very elaborate one indeed but the man can't just cope and that was the end of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteMy mom is my best friend too, we discussed almost everything together, but I hardly discuss things about my man with her, I have limit to what she's known about my relationship. Call your fiancee one on one and discuss it with her for the last time, tell her you don't want such relationship. Some ladies are so close with their mom that it's very hard for them to put a limit to what they share together. I wish you all the best
*Larry was here*
Your fiancée's mum sef
ReplyDeleteWhy will she let you know what her daughter told her privately? Can't she bridle her tongue and just observe quietly? Na WA o
The mom is the problem here. Why can't she handle it with maturity? Nawa
DeleteHmm..she will eventually stop..but I hope she doesn't abuse the free access she has to you by telling her mum everything.. Can you send the link of this post to her, she will learn alot
ReplyDeleteI’m a woman and I don’t like it either. Sometimes when my mum wants to poke-nose I just switch to another topic. I love her so very much but sometimes when u joyfully tells her something, she starts annoying to her sisters n brothers( with joy tho) and the the thing will now be a community news. Lol
ReplyDeleteWhy can't the mother behave like an elder? Is it everything that you hear that you speak on? Which one is calling someone to talk about something the person never discussed with you?
ReplyDeleteThis issue is a deal breaker for me. It's not wrong for her to confide in her mum but her mum is wrong to speak to you about it to the point of telling you what to do with money that you have not even seen.
Warn your fiancé seriously in a language she will understand that you are not cool with being ambushed with your private matters by unprivy persons. If her mum is the type that can't keep quiet she should mind what she tells her.
Exactly!
DeleteIs the mum I blame, she shouldn't let the guy know her daughter told her anything. Some mo
ReplyDeleteWhy not talk to her about it?
ReplyDeleteBreak it off with her. She will stop!!
ReplyDeleteWell nothing is wrong with her telling her mom things. Her mom is the problem here, why must she call you to discuss about something you never told her about. Why can't she keep whatever her daughter tells her to herself. Oversabi mother. Most moms are actually like this, trying to form I too know, even my mom does that, but I won't say I won't tell her stuffs again, I only don't tell her stuffs that are sensitive. Don't let this bring serious issh, even my brother in-laws already know my mom is like that so they no longer get angry when she calls them to give her unsolicited advice.
ReplyDeleteAll you need do is ignore her advice, take the good & ignore.. You shouldn't hate your fiance for that, except you never loved her & looking for a way to dispose of her. Also keep talking to your lady, make her realise how these things make you feel, one day she will get the message & stop. Or maybe when her mom deals with her badly she will learn sense & keep her mouth shut.
i can see the women defending there own, its now give her time, its nothing, she will change etc. let it be a man now, all hell will let lose. dear poster dump her ass, this is a negative sign
ReplyDeleteSend her this link
ReplyDelete...Its not nice that she tells her mother every detail of your relationship, but worse is, I cannot understand why her mother makes sure you know that she knows. What is it with all the unsolicited suggestions! Naturally, when we are at planning stages towards a goal, there are things we want to keep private until it sails through, you tell your woman these very private things because you love her, nothing wrong in that. She tells her mum because she loves her mum, who might be her best friend, nothing wrong in that in itself except her mum is a loud mouth snook! She (your woman) has to understand boundaries and privacy. Take one more time to tell her this and tell her point blank that the next time she can't keep a private thing private, you would start keeping things to yourself. Please have this discussion in understanding not acrimoniously. Happy married life in advance. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteWhen they say bridle your tongue, una think na for mumus they write to in the Bible.
ReplyDeleteOga you too you are the cause, your mouth na tap water.
You can't keep things for yourself. Both of you fit each other. I am sure you don't tell your mum or sisters things
So he shouldn’t discuss things with his soon to be wife? The wife has a problem and he mum has a bigger problem. First of all what kind of mother does your fiancée have? In fact forget that question. For her to have called you to tell you what to do with money you have not seen, sorry to say she is terrible. She is meddlesome and that won’t be good for marriage. Talk to your fiancée firmly about it. She should grow up. She is a telltale and it is not good for marriage. Better resolve this before marrying her.
DeleteExactly @ Kiks
DeleteThe mother sounds very meddlesome and that’s a terrible recipe for marriage. Imagine telling the man what he will do with his money, for job he hasn’t even gotten!!! I pray the girl learns to hold back certain sensitive info from the mum cos this kind of interference will bring trouble
Thank you, Kiks. Job he hasn't gotten, money wey never come is what people have discussed and decided how he will spend! They will soon tell him how much sperm to release to create each child and when. Poster if you're reading this, know you've not found a wife.
DeleteDear poster listen to Kiks, I sense serious trouble if does not change. Her mother is not a matured person and so is your girlfriend, she can not differentiate what sensitive or a secret and this is a big recipe for failure in marriage, how can you call your daughters boyfriend to suggest to him what to do with his money, this is a serious issue. Cos this is how it works she is a meddling mother whose daughter runs to with every information, she will try in the future to control your decisions in your home either directly via you or her daughter. Some mothers sha. I suggest you warn her Sternly that you do not like it. Like people said send her this link and if she does not change my dear I will not lie u, wahala dey front.
DeleteThis is how a marriage I know of packed up because the wife could not keep her mouth shut. In marriage even in life there are plans one does not share with outsiders, but the couple involved. Her mother calling you is a bad sign. Bros tell her and watch if she will learn if not run. Her mother is a funny kind and she having the audacity to call her child's boyfriend is an absolute no no. You are right to be upset. She is a mummies girl and is immature.
DeleteHe didnt do anything wrong telling her about his plans but now that he knows she's not reliable he should learn to withhold sensitive informations. When she realises u no longer tell her things she'll adjust or bounce.
DeleteMummy must you talk? Nothing is wrong with your fiancee, it is the mum that cannot stay quiet that i blame.
ReplyDeleteEyaa...I too would like my kids confide in me, d difference is, I won't go blabbing.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why it is okay now because it involves a woman running to her mum. Can u handle a mummy's boy?? A man that runs to his mum at every point!!!.
ReplyDeleteShe is very immature and such can break a home.
You can device a little plan, here it its.... break up with her and tell her why you are breaking up with her. She she will apologize and of cos accept her apology after little shakara. She should learn her lesson after this
I am a woman and know the importance of a strong man. I have been married for 9 years and TTC, but I thank God daily for my husband who stands as a shield and covering for me. I can imagine the hell I would have been in if he was a mama's boy.
Thank you! If it was a guy now he would have been termed a mummy's boy, because it's a lady now its normal
DeleteTell her you will call off your engagement and dump her IF she ever tells her mother what you told her in confidence, again. And mean it. Let her mother marry her, if she tries such rubbish again. No be only man mama dey cause wahala for marriage. Wife's mothers can also be a big problem.
ReplyDeleteYes, I am a woman. And yes, I am married.
The girl is still naive and the mum is an example of a typical oversabi mum. I remember one time I discussed my husband’s proposed plan with my mum so that she can pray along with us, the woman carry phone dey ask my husband how far about that plan your wife discussed with me. Hmmmn, my husband had it hot with me, it took the grace of God for him to forgive me and start telling me things again. Nobody told me to give myself sense, first I called my mum and asked her point blank if she wanted to destroy my marriage, then I promised myself not to tell her things as regards my husband’s plans again, abi me sef get mouth to pray nau. Thank God it has been working for me. Poster, sit your woman down and ask her if she would be happy if the case was reversed.
ReplyDeleteThat's the way to go. let things materialise and people will see the Glory of God in your life.
Deleteuhm..poster run from that lady.that fiancee is giving her mother too much power over you both which aint healthy.they might use such info to tie you down and harm you.even the bible says man n woman shal live as one and leave their parents..That lady must be fetish as well.becareful because what can go wrong will go wrong.
ReplyDeleteThat woman is not going to change.
ReplyDeleteKeep your secret or drop her.
She's been tied to her mother's apron
Once a child is of marriageable age,you reduce some talks with your parents concerning your spouse or matrimonial issues. na kids dey over talk talk. if na me be you o, i don cut off the relationship becos it will never end.
ReplyDeleteStop telling her sensitive things about yourself since she cannot bridle her tongue.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I cannot marry such a person. I will tell my own brother not to marry such person.
ReplyDeleteThe girl mama Na DIE even the girl sef
I used to be in the category of women that discus everything with their mum she even knows how much I have in my acct but I learn the bad way when she fight with me cos she feels I didn't give her enough money when she visit me, I no longer tell her anything about my self, infact if I wan go see my prophet I go alone trust me am happier now, she even appreciate me more now cos she don't know my financial status now, I spend less on her now & guess what she appreciates it more now cos I don't discus anything with my family members except unserious issues
ReplyDeletestop telling her everything. wait till when it's done and dusted.take it to her as suprise. I believe she will come asking someday that why don't you tell me things. you will then remind her the number of times you warned her to close her mouth.she been childish
ReplyDelete