Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

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Wednesday, August 28, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmm!!!!







STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
EPIC QUESTION


Hi Stella and fellow bvs. I have been a silent reader since 2013. So i read where a married woman was pregnant for a Muslim man and other complicated stories and then the comments and all. I used to be very judgmental but i have learnt over the years...

My story is quite similar to theirs. Well i am 31yrs and been married for 3yrs. Ttc. Hubby was nice initially but then he became aggressive, quick to hit me and even said he would get a child outside (just like the other lady). The family was involved and he later apologized and became nice n good to me.

During this whole problem my mum s friend (much older than my mum) mentioned something that really got me worried. She said some people maybe incompatible. She has seen situations where couples would be ttc but would go separate ways and have kids. I have done all the fertility tests you can imagine, i m perfectly normal. Though hubby had motility issues but it has improved.


Although he has apologized, but for a man to say that, meaning he is planning and thinking it and if anything happens, i would be made to accept the child and even the woman. My so called inlaws would celebrate the child n mock me.



 So now, i am going to take laws into my hands and try to take in outside. If it happens, i would inform him and leave. Insult or judge me, that s fine. Women are always blamed for everything. What if i stay and menopause catches up with me not knowing my husband has a child somewhere?



WOW,your queston threw me off balance!
What if you stay and menopause catches up with you?Hmmmmm!!!
Let me think this over!!

94 comments:

  1. Do you trust God? human beings trying to help themselves only make things worse.Be patient and be sure God sent you on that journey before embarking on it.

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    Replies
    1. Whilst I believe and trust in God, let's not forget that God loves us no matter what. We wallow in sorrow and say it is God's will-no! Do you ever think it was not God's will to get married to that person but as humans having free will, have chosen to marry the wrong person. God being all loving will allow yuo with your choice. Let's not get carried away by religion please. Every problem we say "Turn to God" yes turn to him but also remember that God helps those who help themselves.

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    2. No ma'am, pls don't do that. I'm not in ur shoes, so I can't tell how bad it hurts, but pls try and forgive ur husband.
      About going out, hmmmm... I'm 34 and single, never married and very hopeful. So you been 31 and giving up already on your marriage, ready to break it with your own hands throws me off balance. Could u pls be a bit more patient, your husband's motility issue is improving which means more hope for you, so why ruin it all in anger?
      For now, it may seem like getting achild will make you happy, but guess what, right after having the kids, you will want more out of life. So why not train ur self to be patient now and use that to out step all other obstacles life will bring ur way. Pls....

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    3. Even if we remove spirituality from the equation, going outside your marriage can’t be the solution. How will you be able to explain that you went out not for sexual pleasure but for a child? Bad as e bad, he can’t blame you 100% as he already knows he has issues. Don’t adopt
      folklore advices that have no basis. Don’t bring yet another child into this world who will not have the chance of being raised in a full family unit, not because of circumstances, but because of your own fears and insecurities.
      Marriage is in itself full of uncertainties - will we have a child? will we have sufficient funds? Will I have a good relationship with my in-laws? Will the marriage last? Etc. You don’t jump the gun simply because you want to act on something you have absolutely no proof of.
      Please take one day at a time. See if you can use assisted means of reproduction (if you have the finance) or you keep your fingers crossed.
      If your husband goes out of the marriage, then you can start thinking of your own security since he has betrayed your marriage first, until then, don’t rock the boat.

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    4. I know a family friend that was told to try outside, maybe her husband wasn't a real man or he had issues, she tried and instead of getting a child, she got HIV. Oga noticed on time and avoided having sex with her. She came back home when she became worse and later died. The husband remarried again and 4 years later the wife gave birth to twin boys. Instead of going out to try, why not try IUI first, since it's not capital intensive. Pray more and believe in God, menopause will not catch up with you and you will have the number of children you want to have.
      If your fed up with your marriage, it's better you walk away and remarry or remain single. The route you want to take may not favour you....wishing you the best of luck and baby dust.

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    5. Madam we men at times we but talk trash out of anger, I threatened my wife with same word when we had a heated argument but I never once thought of carrying it out, we waited for seven years before God blessed us with a beautiful baby girl. My wife was thirty five years when she delivered. So please overlook what your husband said and pray together. Don't mind the compatibility story at times it's just the way it is, people have waited way longer so cheer up Madam. That's how people where pushing her to tell me we should go for test, initially I refused because God already made me know that at the right time kids would come, they started insinuating that my refusal meant i had something to hide so i humoured her and we went for the test and they found I was very ok but she had some sort of ailment I can't remember what they called it then but i encouraged her to overlook the Doctor's diagnosis and have faith, after then she kept quiet and stopped listening to outsiders. Have faith madam you will get your victory.

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    6. Anon 16:07 God doesn't help those who help themselves. It's not in the Bible. If you can help yourself, you will not need God's own help.

      That you're facing a challenge doesn't mean you're out of God's Will, please. Stop propagating that satanic doctrine. And that something seems to be moving at the pace you like, doesn't mean you're in God's Will or that your plan has worked. When David impregnated Bathsheba, killed Uriah and married her, God kept him quiet for like a year. I'm projecting a year cos pregnancy is nine months and the baby was born before God sent Nathan. So throughout that year, God was doing as if He didn't see David. This thing called fullness of time is applied for good and bad.

      Samson's parents didn't have him till they were quite advanced in years; it wasn't because God wasn't with them. Same with Zechariah and Elizabeth; they were old before they were blessed with John, not cos God was upset but because you cannot manipulate God into giving you something before the right time. In fact, in the whole Bible there was ONLY one woman (Michal) whose barrenness was because she offended God. The womb of every other woman who initially had fertility problem, was eventually opened in accordance with divine purpose - from Sarah (wife of Abraham) to Rebecca (Isaac's wife) to Hannah (wife of Elkannah and mother of Samuel) and beyond.

      In our modern times, there is Amb Don Odunze that God blessed with triplets last year after 17 YEARS. There's one gospel minister based in Uyo; she and her husband waited 20 YEARS. My friend told me about one of her bridesmaids whose parents God gave a child's name to before they married. As soon as they married, the woman stopped ovulating. She was very young (in her 20s) and no doctor could find any reason why. 19 YEARS later, the baby whose name God gave them before they got married, arrived - natural conception. Go on Facebook and look for an Abuja-based doctor called Reward Nsirim; he and his wife had two children in two years after 6 YEARS of waiting when God seemed to be deaf. Shebi, you think these people found it easy as time was passing or that nobody told them to help themselves?

      I know this might be a foreign concept to some of you but you didn't come to this world to have children! As in that's not your purpose in life, so you will not die if you don't have children. Let people talk! Original poster, you and your husband better face God and each other. If I knew you and your husband, I'd physically knock your heads together so you can have sense. Don't be stupid and unfortunate. You think you're smart but believe me, you do NOT want a child that God didn't give you.

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    7. Awesome response! This needs to be framed! Well done Anon!

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    8. Anon 16:07 you're obviously confusing the love of God with weakness or complacency. After God by Himself called David, "a man after MY heart" - didn't He punish him cos of how he married Bathsheba? Or what do you call all the problems that came on David's house as Nathan prophesied?

      I might be wrong but I feel like God's annoyance wasn't that he married Bathsheba but HOW David went about it. My reasoning is that Solomon came through Bathsheba and God chose him to succeed David, so God must have had a plan for David to end up with Bathsheba. Uriah was a soldier so would probably have died in battle or some other way without David's scheming. The same way Nabal and Saul died without David's help.

      God's Will is one thing but His way and timing are the other elements of His plan. If you go and tamper with the last two elements, you gonna hear nwii. God will love you but He will punish you cos your going your own way and time robbed Him of the opportunity to showcase what He can and already planned to do. And He will call the punishment, chastisement.

      I think all these your yuppy, sow-a-seed-to-name-and-claim-it churches have confused you people with a warped message of grace and love. Your demonic New Age philosophies that have crept into the church, makes you believe that judgement is a thing of the past. The love and mercy of God that y'all like talking about, doesn't exist in a vacuum but in direct contrast to His wrath and judgement! Let me give you an earthly example. I know my husband loves me. Everyone who knows us, says I'm the apple of his eye and he'll do almost anything for me. I don't insult him or take him for granted. The day I saw him change it for someone (cos he was defending me, oh!), I was shook. The only reason I wasn't afraid was cos I didn't actually have time to be afraid. My legs moved before my brain processed what was happening - my quiet, calm husband was about to beat the crap out of someone older than him. When I tried to talk to him, he said one word to me: MOVE. I didn't even argue. I was quiet for days cos I'd heard about that side of him but till that day, I'd never seen it. Now even if my village people want to beat drum on my matter, is that the side of him I want to deliberately wake up? No, he has never been violent or abusive towards me.

      Think of God like that. The opposite of His love is wrath. And we've all heard of that side of Him, even if some of you think the Blood of Jesus can wipe everything, including the anger we have called. I laugh in retribution. Sometimes, all it takes for your brain to reset and you to arrange yourself is witnessing His wrath on someone else. It must not happen to you. When Ananias and Sapphira died, people's eyes cleared. The same God that punished a man by condemning his family members (who didn't send him to go and steal anybody's wife), is the one that picked Solomon and called him "Jedidiah" - beloved of God. Same God that regretted destroying the world by flood (shebi He didn't know He will regret?) is the same God that spent how many years planning the flood, oh.

      Thou shalt not play thineself. God isn't a victim of kayanmata that will keep quiet and smile like Tony Umez's character cos "love". The love of God isn't what you assume it is.

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    9. Slight edit - the name of the Uyo-based gospel minister is Aity Dennis Inyang. She and her husband were childless for 24 YEARS. Google and Instagram are your friends.

      Original Poster, see your life? Do the people I've mentioned, have 10 heads? But @ age 31, just three years of marriage - you wants to help the devil scatter your life. Cos someone that's not even a doctor and hasn't examined you or your husband is talking, you and your husband have legit decided to die. Shior!

      I'm mentioning these names openly so that you can use your time to go and look for them. Instead of wasting your time and your hope, listening to agents of the devil; incompatibility, ko. I might be posting in anonymous mode but these people's stories are a matter of public record.

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    10. Thank you anon 16:52, you wrote nothing but the honest truth!

      Delete
    11. Thanks Mr Ernie and Olive for sharing your experiences.
      Thanks anon(s) 15:04,16:52,17:39 and 18:44 for your input.
      I'm not the poster but learnt a lot.

      Delete
  2. My dear, please do whatever that pleases you, most men can't even wait that long. My SIL just told me her friend younger brother that had been married for 12yrs just gave birth on Saturday, nobody was aware the wife was pregnant all these while, I'm so happy for them, few men can wait that long.

    Truly, some couples might not be compatible with having children together, some Yorubas will say "won jera won l'omo"





    *Larry was here*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When I was shopping for my last baby,i saw a couple who had twin boys . They waited for 22 years
      The man said no kid outside from both of them
      22 good solid years.

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    2. My dad waited for 14 years before he had my younger bro.

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  3. E de your mind to cheat since, stop finding a reason... 31yrs and already thinking menopause, abeg get out, ure not happy in that marriage

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    Replies
    1. Don't say that please. You actually don't know what people go through in marriage. Beside, is 31 still a kid? Menopause has no specific age to hit a woman.

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    2. But the husband could also think of getting someone pregnant outside abi? Something is wrong with you

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    3. If u have not walked someone's shoes then pls don't judge

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    4. Poster be patient,three years is too short to do what u have in mind,I know u are anxious,the road is not easy.but u have to encourage u both

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    5. Its easy to say when u are not in her shoes, is 31 too young to think about menopause? Chances of getting pregnant reduces with age for a woman,even before d actual menopause, most women can't take in again. Madam ur husband is already trying outside, u better do what u have to do now. I wish u goodluck

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    6. Teejay what if she isn't married? We have ladies in their late 30s still single talkmore of having kids.

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    7. Thank you Hurpe

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  4. But there's is an option of IVF. Have you guys tried that route? I don't support adultery and like you said, it's obvious you have made up your mind and I doubt if any advice here will change what you think. Whatever be the case, I wish you all the best.

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    Replies
    1. Bros not every body can afford it. IVF is very expensive for an average Nigerian.

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    2. But IUI is not. The couple needs to ‘be together’ first. But that I mean be united. Be a unit! One. Then you can withstand whatever. Try IUI. Visit a fertility specialist for guidance. It works esp now that his mobility issues have improved.

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  5. If you have made up your mind to leave this man in spite of his apology, why wait till you are guilty of ADULTERY?
    You are afraid of menopause but not afraid of the fires of hell?😳😳😳

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    Replies
    1. My sentiments exactly. Has she exploited all the available means for conception in agreement with her husband? It’s her choice, if she wants to leave her husband after he apologized rather than looking for an excuse or a comment from someone that would support her plan of becoming adulterous. Remember the grass is not greener at the other end.

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  6. Don't get into trouble if you want to leave just leave and go and marry another person rather than staying till you are pregnant ,by then to leave may be full of trouble .LIfe is a risk but just know you will be fine in Jesus name

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    1. What after leaving the man and get hook with someone else and the problem isn't solved? Have she thought about that?

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  7. The minute you make up your mind and brace up to have intercourse with another man then I think that’s the point you should leave/divorce. Pregnancy doesn’t happen always after the first try, so what you are saying is you are going to cheat and if it results in pregnancy you’d leave your husband.

    I think this 3 year old marriage wouldn’t survive longer even with a child. You both aren’t communicating, why don’t you talk to your husband about your fears? You said he has apologized, for me violence even once is a deal breaker but you stayed and now is saying you’d leave the minute you get pregnant with someone else. I bet that you won’t leave if another man succeeds in getting you pregnant, you’d be too “ashamed” to say it for someone who can’t even communicate your feelings you won’t tell him anything. I think you both should communicate and sort out this issues, this is why it bothers me a lot that a lot of people go into marriage only for posterity sake. Sometimes, “delays” like these are good because God may just be testing the couple to know how strong their faith is. I’m not going to preach to you because I don’t know how to but all I’d say it if cheating is your next plan of action, you have no reason to be in that marriage becsuee there are better ways to tackle this issue. Your husband will and can still have a baby outside even when you finally have one for him if he chooses to.

    Lastly, women it’s important to state clearly what you’d condone or not before marriage so that when a man does something you don’t condone and have mentioned, you would be at liberty to react the way you want. You people leave important decisions to men who only think of their benefits and then wonder why they act crazy after marriage. Anyway, good luck.

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    1. very valid point.

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    2. Wow Doppel ,your comments on chronicles ehhh, always too apt. Please can we be friends already 😎😘😘

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    3. Doppel, I love you so much... Such a brilliant and intelligent response.

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    4. Nice one DoppelgΓ€nger πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

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    5. Very apt advice πŸ‘πŸ‘ Doppel.

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    6. I sincerely apologize for the errors wawu multitasking is so tough.

      Thank you all lol. @ Joyful wife of course.

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  8. Why give up on God so easily? You already believed what your mum's friend said over God's words. Babe, forget what your husband or your mum's friend said and trust God to bless your womb with beautiful kids that your husband and in-laws will see and appreciate you.

    I hope you don't regret this path you've decided to take. It is well.

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    Replies
    1. You hit the nail on the head Cynthia.

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  9. Poster, it all depends on your purpose in life, are you here to have children BY ALL POSSIBLE MEANS? If you really fear God and respect the sanctity of marriage, it should not matter what people say or if menopause is near, but your trust should be in Him who makes ALL things beautiful in His time. You guys guys can even try IVF if you can afford it.

    Humanly speaking, I understand your point of view, women do not have fair share of life in our society, yet, we should live beyond these things and live a purposeful life. All the best.

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  10. Funny poster.
    Just cos the other poster did and it worked for her makes you think yours too will work?
    It don’t work like that.
    You have just been married for 3 years and you are already feeling uncomfortable πŸ’πŸΏ‍♂️
    Your husband did wrong making such utterances and has apologized, why not give him some time and pray fervently about this issue?
    How sure are you that if you go out, you will conceive?
    And if you don’t get what you are looking for, you will keep testing different dicks till you finally get what you want?
    What if you don’t even get it outside? You would have ruined your reputation, ruined your marriage and hurt your family πŸ’πŸΏ‍♂️
    How would you feel knowing you had to climb different dicks later on?
    There’s always a time when we have this kind of regret....feeling used by different men.
    You feel dirty.
    It’s always good to do things honorably.
    Marriage is a well respected institution, if you can’t handle it anymore, divorce him and get the freedom you so desire.
    Are you sure you still love your husband?
    I would suggest you hang in there and and talk to God.
    He said, ask and you will receive.
    Have you asked him enough?
    Please don’t ever compare your life with someone else’s...what works for A might not work for B or even C.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See as Chikito yarn sense throway? 😊😊😊😊
      If you continue to dey yarn sense like this, I no go
      dey add that slu🀐🀐 for ya name ma ncha -at all. 🀷‍♀️🀷‍♀️
      But if you join/yarn with veteran association?
      Ajuju
      🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐

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    2. #thumbsUp Sis. Nicely said.

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    3. @sluttychic always making sense... God bless you darling

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    4. Magnificent!!! You will never disappoint me. Nicely said and I love this.

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  11. You fear menopause but have no fear of God?

    Luke 12:4 “I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. 5 But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after your body has been killed, has authority to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him.

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  12. Na wah poster, I don't know what to advice o. Firstly you know adultery is a terrible sin. It's better you divorce him if you think he might get someone else pregnant or has gotten someone pregnant than for you to commit adultery. You've been married for only three years, pls your marriage is still too young for such decision you want to take. Keep praying to God and do the needful, God will surely come through for you and you will have your own child in no time.

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  13. You people should stop with women are always blamed for everything when you want to commit a sacrilege.

    You've already made up your mind to go on the adulterous route and nothing anyone says will make you think otherwise and change your bad plans.

    Women are the one who get pregnant and women who commits adultery are the ones who gets pregnant, and then decides to put the innocent baby on her husband knowing fully well that the child is not her husband's.

    Please, menopause will not meet up with you just yet, keep trying with your husband and if you so wish to go another man's sperm, just make sure to tell your husband that you are no longer interested in the marriage and also, don't go stealing another woman's sperm. Don't go causing headache and heartaches to another woman.. Go for someone that is not yet taken.

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  14. Poster,do whatever it takes to have a child of your own. It is your child that will take care of you at old age so go ahead and damn the consequences.

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    1. "and damn the consequences" Smh.....

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    2. There are children who refuse to take care of their parents in their old age.

      There are children who continue dependent on their aged parents.

      There are children who die before their parents.

      Be guided

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    3. Prettyjene, you may as well dash the poster your husband if you are married.

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    4. Your advice is very Pathetic
      Poster there are many people like you and yours...hang in there and keep praying
      Never ever abandon the place of prayer...when the going gets tough, the tough get going.
      Join hands with your husband, ask God for forgiveness for your sins(thoughts and words) and both in agreement decree what you want God to do.
      Believe me, if God doesn’t answer, it means you should “wait” then you both wait trusting and believing.
      Remember God will never tempt us than we can handle, it’s the devil putting those thoughts in you to snatch you from the plan God has for you.
      Do you know JOB, he suffered more than this and yet believed in God.
      It is well with you poster...I’ll put you in my prayers.
      If you are Yoruba, you will understand the meaning of my name...make a Covenant with God and see Him come through for you!
      Shalom!

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    5. You are correct 15:59. There are even children who kill their parents.

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  15. poster do whatever will make you happy, how sure are you that your husband has not already started trying outside with another woman? if you feel that trying outside will make you happy biko try and make yourself happy. People will be quick to judge you not knowing what you are going through in the first place, i do not support cheating but when all hope is lost what do you?

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    Replies
    1. Happiness at a terrible cost...... is that one happiness?

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  16. Sis, there are several avenues to conceive that you haven't even explored.

    Do what's best for you, no judging over here.

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  17. Poster,only you know what you passing through,what if your husband kini has not improved but he tries to put it on you?Trust me ,he has already tried it outside and it did not yield any result.Do what makes you happy,All the best

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  18. Your husband had the guys to make such utterance when he is the one with the problem.
    What do u mean the motility has improved?.
    Is it normal or still abnormal???.
    Believe me, your husband is scattering his seeds about.
    It has just not germinated yet, or maybe he has germinated one in secret.
    I suggest you have a baby fast either ivf with your hubby, or you leave and try elsewhere, clearly the love is lost between you two

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  19. Poster i understand your fears, your husband is not even worth it. Instead of committing adultery, divorce him and have a fresh start. Pray to God to lead you to your well of water where you will find rest and comfort in your man and kids. Don't involve any pastor or prophet o.

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  20. Nawa just 3yrs of marriage and 31yrs old and you are already thinking of having child outside,menopause etc.
    Madam have you even tried any of the many options out there now. You people just give yourself problems with ur own hands. You want to go and test outside your marriage when IVF, Surrogacy and adoption is there. You do not necessarily need to birth a child before you are a mother. Even as I am a mum already, i still wish to adopt later on.
    Pls exhaust all medical avenues and adoption before you consider spoiling your marriage. You are just 31 and still have time and eggs to try many medical interventions.

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  21. Poster are you sure you are sepereate for a child or desperate to leave the marriage? If it’s the first try the following: How about a surrogate? IVF? If it’s too expensive Talk to hubby between you and him you can use another persons sperm with turkey baster. Lesbians do it all the time. Maybe his brother can be a donor. You don’t have to have sex all you need is the sperm. Or go to sperm bank. Make sure the donor is black sha.

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  22. He hasn't cheated on you yet. If you have evidence that he has, you can go ahead and divorce him.

    What are the chances that you would even get a man who will marry you and impregnate you when you divorce your husband?

    My opinion is work on your marriage

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  23. You're 31, why are you thinking of menopause now? You're telling people not to judge you; your child will actually judge you and that's when you will know yourself. FYI, I look at my mother different ever since I discovered she and my father weren't married when they had me. And I have questioned EVERY single thing either of them has ever said to me since I found out what they did. As far as I'm concerned, they are selfish liars and NOTHING can make me see them differently. Like you, my mother was 31 when she went and deliberately got pregnant instead of waiting on God. Going to church and f*cking a man she wasn't married to, plus purposely getting pregnant. So, please you and your husband carry on as you've already decided; scatter your lives cos you must prove a point. You think having a child is the ultimate in life so you must get child any which way; when your child seeks out another person to attend their wedding as mother or father of the day, when you're still alive, you will know that there's a reason people tell others to wait on God. Olodo, you're looking for who will support your adultery and bringing children into this world out of wedlock. You and your husband are both hoeloshos who just happen to be wearing wedding rings. Msscchheww!

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  24. Poster why allow curiosity take the better part of you. Since your husband has apologized forgive him and enjoy your marriage. Is never rosey in other side and adultery is a great sin, if you 're tired kindly walk away. Is never by force to be married. Just barely three years you already got your self walked up.

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  25. When you are waiting on God 3 years can feel like eternity. Especially when there is a lot of pressure from a loved one. If you decide to do this then make sure you think it through. Be prepared for every eventuality and stand by your decision. One question though, what if you cheat and it doesn't result in a baby? Then what?

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    Replies
    1. Try another prick... and another, and another till she tries the one with HIV, then there comes rest.

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  26. do anything genuine that makes you happy

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  27. This Chronicle is unnecessary. Why are you telling us? So there are no divorce lawyers in Nigeria? Why don't you divorce him and sleep around in search of pregnancy. Mischeww! Stupid, unnecessary chronicle. If you don't want the marriage, divorce him and find who would get you pregnant. The marriage isn't a good one anyways.

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  28. Poster please dont give up! I understand what youre passing through but God makes the impossible possible, the way maker, Pray for God to mercy and you and Pray without season even if he blesses you with a Child. No woman is barren. Believe and Pray. All the best in your marriage

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  29. I couldn't care less if you are able to conceive with him or not. The greater problem is that he beat your ass and you are still there. Life presents all kinds of problems on our paths, and if your husband can beat you because you could not get pregnant eventhough his sperm is weak then what won't he do to you if something is truly your fault?

    Cheating is not going to solve any problems, what if the child turn out to look nothing like any of you, or is born with sickle cell disease, picking up a recessive gene trait from the man you choose to cheat with, will you have the financial means to care for an ill child on your own? You think everything will go perfectly once you get pregnant. But even married ppl conceive very sick children that they did not dream of having. Adultery is not the answer. Better you part ways and start on a new slate with a different man. You can divorce on the basis of your husband's fertility issues and violence. Men take second and third wives all the time when their first wife have fertility issues so you are free to move on in peace without having to create an innocent child out of sin and leaving them to live with that legacy.

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  30. Please sweetheart don't try it, what if it backfires, what will happen to you? Where will you start from? My uncle was married for several years without any child(Ren) from his wife and he decided to try outside which yielded results, he told his wife about it and she got angry.She decided to try her luck outside, she got caught and my uncle boot her out. Despite this fact she didn't conceive o. Please be patient and prayerful, extramarital affair is the worst thing that can happen to a marriage of which the man can easily move on without scratches. I'm in my 40s although still beautiful and I don't look my age. No marriage yet not to talk of children but am still hopeful that God will do it and I believe he will do it for you too.

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  31. Story of my life.

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    Replies
    1. I pray God makes your life Beautiful. Amen

      Delete
    2. "Hubby was nice initially but then he became aggressive, quick to hit me and even said he would get a child outside"...

      Poster he hit before and he will surely do again. Since you do not have a child for him, it is better to do it now.
      Even if God bless you with a child, it will not change him. The aggressiveness will get out of hand some day.
      All the best.

      Delete
  32. I understand that the words that your husband said and his previous behavior including the vibes your in-law are giving you is what is triggering your stance. People are quick to say don't do this, don't do that but they have not walked in your shoes and may do worse if they find themselves in the same situation. Nothing breaks a woman more than a husband who vilifies her on things like this most especially when she's fertile. Any woman can walk up and claim that your husband has impregnated her and the desperate man will accept without asking questions or thinking twice.
    I'll suggest you discuss the option of IVF or IUI with your husband. If he's very much willing to do that then at least you have that to work with.
    If he doesn't agree, carefully watch how he reacts and the words he uses and use that as your guidance towards the state of his mind, then silently give yourself a timeframe to stay and see how it goes.
    If you get pregnant within the timeframe, thank God.
    If you don't, then you would have been very prepared for this your plan B and I'll advice you never to get pregnant under your husband roof via other means that is not right. You can move out and move on with your life no problem but don't compound your issues before you tarnish yourself.
    I pray that God comes through for you before you give up on your marriage.

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  33. Poster, I have never commented on this blog but today I am moved to comment. God is bigger than what people say, he is the all knowing God. Greatest orchestrator, I can confidently say this because I have experienced his greatness. Hubby and I waited on him for 10 years before we had our son Dec,2018. It was not easy, there was no assurance that we were ever going to have children but our trust was in God. Medically hubby was said to have azoospermia, in other words he was just firing blanks. We could not afford IVF but in his all knowing ways he blessed me with a job with health insurance that covers 80 percent of infertility cost. That itself was a miracle. My very first try of doing IVF and today I have a handsome looking son. Delay does not mean denial. I supported my husband and we trusted God together. Please don’t go the route you are planning to because there is a way that seemeth right to men but the end there of is destruction. May God give you the peace you need to wait on him.

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    Replies
    1. Second to last paragraph summarizes it.

      Delete
    2. That verse in the Bible that there is a way that seems right to a man........ , always leaves me shook.

      Delete
  34. Don’t forgive the demon man. Leave him why will he hit you? Stupid ass men treating women like slaves.

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  35. Whatever you do, please do not commit Adultery.

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  36. Don’t sleep outside please, try and forgive your husband. I understand the pressure of not conceiving when u want it most, try giving yourself more time, practice charity too. God please listen to her cry. If you have the means try IVF.

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  37. Poster you do realise a lot of your agemates are not even in a relationship to talk of marriage right? You are 31 not 61!! Why impose unnecessary stress on your life ? What is this life without it's challenges and ups and downs? This is just a phase in your life and this too shall pass, for it is not of him that willeth or runneth but of God who shows mercy.
    This is the time to get closer to God and discover him for yourself if you are a Christian. Children will come at the right time.
    Pending then, talk to your husband, exhaust all medical avenues and resources available to you. Cheers.

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  38. please we need the other woman that tried this with her ex and got pregnant to come tell us how it ended, did you eventually leave your husband? is he aware you are pregnant for someone else? is your baby daddy still loyal? did he keep to his words of getting you an apartment and a job? just curious to know. please give us feedback, we are one big family

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  39. Your husband might have said things he didn't mean or meant but we will never know.He apologised,so try to forgive him. TTC is not an easy journey. You are still young and anything can happen but I am not in Your shoes so I can't imagine how you must feel.
    I am 37 years old,never married, no kids,never been pregnant but I am so optimistic that I will get married and have children. I am OPTIMISTIC because of the thoughts and plans God has for me (Jeremiah 29:11) irrespective of what is happening now.

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  40. Poster why are you bent on destroying yourself? You are only 31 for crying out loud. If you want to leave your husband based on his aggression and physical abuse do so cleanly. But to scheme and plan adultery, some of us will not condone on this blog. I have a friend who is 56 and still waiting on God. Age is not on her side, neither is her health. But such is her faith that different men of God told her that God revealed to them that she should stop fasting and He will definitely give her a son. We have warned you. The decision is yours.

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  41. Please don’t do this. God gave me a beautiful son after almost five years. A miracle. He wiped my tears away.

    Go to the hospital and run tests. Do what you need to do. Wait on God. Be steadfast. He will bless you with His child.

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  42. Some of you will rush to marry, rush to give birth and then start rushing out. Do you not have counsellors? Have you not heard that infertility issues can put a strain on couples and make them say/do things they usually wont? It changes attitude if you dont know. You people wont take time and learn about marriage so you can prepare for everything that comes with it and know how to manage yourselves. You will just be on a rat race to nowhere and come and be worrying us with chronicles. Now you want to leave being a wife to being a baby mama to some lagbaja and you think that solves your problem?

    An understanding couple will take this time to change their diet, exercise more, get to know each other more, go on vacations together, visit the doctors and start praying for the unborn children, even prepare financially by doing businesses with the time they have on their hands. Some of you marry and fail the tests God sends you WOEFULLY, you cant even see when God us delaying conception so both of you can work on your attitudes.

    Both you and your husband are not serious people. Only 3 years you're hurling insults and thinking of cheating. Tufiakwa!

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  43. IVF, Surrogacy and adoption..These are options u can either use.Addoption should be your last opiton if the first two fails.Is your hubby sterile?If not,get him more fertility drugs,fruits and herbs.. Conceiving outside isn't a good one..IF that is your final decision then quit your marriage..to avoid leaving a bad impression..You also sound so desperate....you are 31 not 51..Menopause sets in from 45 n above..One can still conceive during this period..Rest your mind abeg..Stress n too much worry could even be the reason why it hasn't clicked..All the best.. NOTE:The average age of menopause is 51 years old, but menopause may occur as early as the 30s or as late as the 60s. There is no reliable lab test to predict when a woman will experience menopause.

    ReplyDelete
  44. You just want to cheat. It is as simple as ABC.

    ReplyDelete

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