Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Advertisement

Advertisement - Mobile In-Article

Saturday, October 19, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Na wah!!!





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MOTHER IN LAW/DAUGHTER IN LAW BROUHAHA


Good day Stella,


  I'm in a dilemma and need help fast o....from the men-folk on this blog.
Yes, I'm trying to get all the advice I can get on dis issue.


I'm married with children to a woman who is my friend. Not perfect, yes. But she has her good side


Now, most times, my mom comes over to stay at my place being that I'm her only.

The problem here is, many times like almost 3x a week, these two very important women in my life end up offending each other, and expect me to take a side.

Now I have to either pacify both individually separately of course so either don't feel I'm picking a side, of when I have to respond at the moment, I end up trying to manage how I respond.

I know somehow, ( I might be wrong) that none of them set out to offend the other, but I dunno, they just keep rubbing each other on the wrong side.

Abeg, what do I do? Sometimes, I end up delaying to go home as I don't know if there is a case already waiting for me to settle.

Brothers.....and yes sisters too, what do I do? Is this normal when you know this is not a case of witchhunting mother-in-law or wicked daughter-in-law/wife?



Lemme read comments cos I am preparing to be a mother in law..lol

120 comments:

  1. You sound like an exposed guy and I like the fact that you don't take side whenever they are both fighting

    All I can tell you is keep trying your best and tell your wife to be more accommodating and tell mama too to always calm down and overlook some things a correct your wife with love, just the way she work have done to her own child.
    Ire o

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My guy just install one CCTV and you will have a better understanding. Installation must be done when everyone is out of the house.

      Delete
    2. But wait ur mum comes 3times a week? Lol, chai.

      Delete
    3. Your wife no get work that keeps her very busy. For me, in-laws visits comes as a relief to me. I have an 8 to 6.30pm job that is target, report and appraisal driven. Any time I spend at home is focused on everybody's good side and catching up. No time for nonsense squabbles. I am nice and firm at the same time so any visitor knows their boundaries and should they stray from it, I fix it firmly but with love.

      What kinda quarrel will I be having with an old woman?

      Delete
    4. Madam worker we yaf hear you...

      Delete
    5. Just get a side chick ur wife head go correct and mama will become worried for ur late 9ts ❤️

      Delete
    6. How does this help the poor guy solve his problem? Common sense is the scarcest commodity.

      Delete
    7. Haa! wat kind of advice is that?

      Delete
    8. Hey bro, listen good. You have to take sides with for peace to rein in your home. It's a must, you can't sit on the fence without blowing this tussle out of proportion. All of us tackled it and succeeded that's why we are men of celebrating anniversaries today. Nobody should/will you to choose or why, you should know best. In the end, if they are good people, they will still love you regardless.

      Delete
    9. @Saphire.. WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?!! Yes, I'm shouting.. Man here, is seeking answers, you're here yarning bant.

      Delete
    10. If Sapphire is not diagnosing people of schizophrenia, she’s telling them her life history as an answer to another person’s heartfelt desire for peace in his home. Chai!

      Delete
  2. You should have waited till youre ready to cleave unto your wife.Which one is your mothet comes to stay in your place all thr time. Was her own motjer in law staying with her when she married your Dad?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are absolutely wrong on that “ ... waited till you are ready to cleave unto your wife”. Serious, what’s wrong with people of nowadays. You don’t jump up with comments without thinking. Ask yourself if you are capable to comment on such issues serious as this. The mother is an important person in his life as well as the wife. The mother comes before the wife and yes! He will have to make her happy. The only thing to be worried about here is IF the mother is evil which I do not think in this case if not the poster would have mentioned it. It’s bound for people to clash once in a while when they are in same place but they should not intentionally want or try/ plan to be evil towards each other.
      Did you also think about making your mother/ parents happy by them swung their grandchildren and spending quality time with family? Please, if you come from distorted home with psychological sequelae, do not display your deficiency/ effects to the public thereby posing threats to the public.
      Dear poster, treat both women with love and try to make them come together and live in peace . Since you mentioned you don’t feel their actions does not exhibit any form wickedness to each other . I may say that these two women unfortunately fall under the category of women who rub shoulders for supremacy amongst themselves.

      Delete
    2. Did you just say the mother comes before the wife?.Marriage is not for everyone you know..and you think he will call his own mother evil even if she is. He might as well chase his wife out and marry his mother.Distorted koh

      Delete
    3. How will his mother come first before his wife @ Anonymous 15:56? Hope if the woman tells him her own mother comes first before him her husband he will not feel bad.

      Delete
    4. Anon you lie! The Bible says (Gen 2:24) for this reason a man shall LEAVE his father and mother and be JOINED to his wife and the two shall become one. How then is the mother more important than the wife? Poster please start from reducing mama's visit, let your wife breathe in her own home.

      Delete
    5. The poster clearly does not want to pick sides but you guys are helping him do thatπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
      A man should never be in a position to pick a side,its UNHEALTHY and RIDICULOUS!!!

      Delete
    6. @Anon 15:56. I doubt if you are well, with such mentality. Third parties are the major reasons marriages no longer last, especially from in-laws. My mother has done her part to birth and raise me, so because she is my mother, I shouldn't break away and have my own family like she did. I appreciate and love my parents so much but I have already instructed them to keep their distance in my personal affairs, even now that I'm not married. Any man whose parents have a great deal of influence in his marriage is still a boy tired to his mama's apron. Why should she control my own home? Anon, maybe you should marry your mom, since she comes first in your life.

      Delete
    7. Poster, I have lived with my bro and his wife for over a year and I can tell you it’s not easy for all 3 of us.
      Now, for my brothers good, I tolerate a lot from his wife because I know his peace was more important and I loved him enough to swallow. Not saying I don’t have my own bad sides or my SIL is all bad. She is a very sweet person and sure she tolerates me too.
      Oga, have a meeting with them and be firm. I mean all 3 of you sitting. Be very firm. Tell them both you love them and need them both to be patient and tolerant. Or you’d leave the house for them. Then individually go talk to them and appeal to them.
      I think they are just being selfish but if they see you are done and tired of all their mess, they’d change.
      Good luck

      Delete
  3. You need to look for how you can talk things over to the both of them. Talk to your mum she should be easy on ur wife and she is somebody's child too,if anything happens you will be held responsible. Then to ur wife , tell her to take things easy with her and its as a result of old age. Make her see reasons that when parents are getting old they start behaving like a child that sometimes it will annoy you when they do some kind things, then preach the word of God to her about honouring ur parents and talk about peace , how you want them to be in peace.before you can call them both to try and live in peace.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Your mom should reduce the way she comes,it's causes see finish.if you too love your child pls marry them.
    Not all women are very accommodating.
    Understand that,every one has a flaw and if you see this flaw can be avoided then do.
    Allow couple enjoy their home.
    Your mom staying too long is also an issue,did Ur wife give birth?
    Ur mom is seeing flaws that does not concern her and Ur wife is seeing your mom as an intruder who can not stay in her lane.
    The only way,your mom should reduce her visits,when she comes buy lots of goodies,keep a blind eye,help out the best you can,rain praises on your daughter in law and u will see how Ur wife will respond.
    Talk to mama to reduce her visits for now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you tenth,
      Sorry bro your mum is what i call here comes trouble, i am sure she is so meddlesome. She probably talks to her in a condescending manner and wants to tell her how to run her home. Oga you are going to have to wear your pants on this one.

      Delete
    2. Send your kids to go and stay with your mom and reduce her visits

      Delete
  5. Poster is there a way you can reduce your mum from visiting all the time, you didn't tell us if your wife is working or a full time house wife. If she is not working please get her something that will keep her busy.
    Take your wife ona date have a heart to heart talk with her and explain to her the importance of your mother, tell her to learn to tolerate your mum as you are the one son. Tell her you love her, love your mum too that you cannot choose anyone and leave anyone out. Make them both understand that you love them so much that is hard for you to side anyone. They should learn to accommodate each other, learn to all allow peace reign. Don't allow two women put you in between and use you to create heart attack. Your mum too should understand that you are married and need some space, she should stop over visiting you both please.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I don’t know what exactly causes problems for them, but they both need to accommodate each other.
    Your wife too should learn to ignore sometimes. She’s also her mother.
    You are doing great not taking sides with any of them.
    Tell your wife to be patient and ignore sometimes for peace sake.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think u should scold them separately but seriously,let both of them be scared of having issues because of your reaction. I once had an issue with my brother Inlaw. I angrily told my husband, he pleaded with me and warned me at the same time to learn to over look them, I felt cheated on and taught he was taking his brothers side only for me to overhear his conversation with his brother 2 days after seriously warning his brother to stay clear off his wife and stop looking for my trouble. He said it in igbo" GI lu nwuyemu soolumu" I was shocked. So he knew I was right all this while and he didn't say it to my face so that I will not take advantage of it. So my advice it that, call them separately and threaten them if possible that u don't want to hear any fights and quarells if not they will see the other side of u. my can even tellnur mum that if it continues u will tell her to stop visiting but your wife must not know about what u told your mum. Tell ur wife too something that will make her scared too and not in front of your mum. When u do this,they will learn tolerance by force. Hope it works.

      Delete
    2. SluttyChic, I’m a silent ardent blog visitor . I pick your comments on almost every chronicle. You have a soul sister .
      Ijeoma

      Delete
    3. Yayyyyyy!! I have a new sis @ijeoma, thank you.
      I’ll be giving you a S/O from now.

      Delete
    4. Thank you Anon and SluttyChic .

      All y'all saying his mum should leave them alone, don't you know this guy would start resenting his wife if his mother stopped visiting because of her?

      We will all have children. And one day, we will all be old.

      Delete
    5. Kamikaze, thank you πŸ‘πŸΏπŸ‘πŸΏ
      “And one day, we will all be old” they don’t know that.

      Delete
    6. Hmmmm Ijeoma hope you are not my Dovie that works with m... If yes, I have miss u die. Pls call me asap

      Delete
    7. Kami we are not saying the mother should stop visiting entirely, but the visits should not be too often. Obi can never be a boy forever. Obi is now a man and needs to build his own home, same way mama built hers with his father.

      Delete
    8. Abi!!!how can you tell your mom to reduce how she comes to your house?and you are her only child??no matter how she is,nobody deserves that!!
      I know it may be hard on your wife poster,especially if they are not of same mind/character,its the both of them you would still beg to be PATIENT, let them know how you no longer look forward to coming home because of the drama, nobody is perfect,they are ONE because of you and so your peace of mind should be a GOAL,ask that they live in peace for your sake,they can find a middle ground somehow!!!

      Delete
    9. Slutty and kamikaze you both will make good wives. I have been noticing your unbiased comments lately. You both commented with no sentiments at all. I see women up there saying the wife is more important than the wife, backing it up with verses from the Bible. Still, I hope when you have your sons and become mothers-in-law and your sons look you in the eyes and boldly tell you that his wife is more important than you. Hope you will clap for him then? His wife and his mother are both important. Is mum comes three times a week and everyone is getting riled up? What if stays with them? My mother-in-law can live with me and I won't even notice or have a problem with it.
      In this case, they both lack love and tolerance and that's where the issue lies.

      Delete
    10. Poster take it from me, until you reduce how frequent your mother comes around, there will never be peace in that home. Both ladies are not compartible, period! It's no crime if she visits once in 2 or 3 weeks, since you all communicate through phone calls. Your wife's peace should be your paramount goal, and that way, you will also have yours too.

      Delete
    11. Poster please take Anon 15:46 advice. Stand firm when talking with your mum and wife. Don't let anyone of them know what you told the other.

      Delete
    12. It is what it is, sentiments apart. Two have become one. Even when I become a mother in law, I intend to tell myself the bitter truth, for the good of my darling son, I have to give him space to truly grow and be man, like nature ordained. He cannot be tied to my apron strings forever. For his own good.

      Delete
    13. I am a mother and yes at some point, I have to take the back stage and let his wife take her rightful place. You can never cheat nature. I also built my own home with his dad. It's tough to let go, but it has to be done.

      Delete
    14. Abeg you people should comment with sense. The issue is not who is more important here.

      To start with, who owns the home? The wife!!! Why is your mom coming frequently? Is your father still alive? Is she coming to see the grandkids? For them to be clashing so often means they are not the best of friends.

      We will all grow old does not mean I should now go and seat down in my son's home 24 7 when there is no compelling reason to. Also appeal to your wife, that she should be more accommodating as per na elderly woman etc.

      You see, some in laws cross the line, some deliberately and some unintentionally. They want to prove it is their son's house and start annoying you.

      Bottom line is if you want peace in the home, your mom should reduce the visits and your wife should try and manage her when she comes. I hope your mom is not the unbearing type though that comes with a baggage full of wahala?? It is well.

      Delete
  7. Your mum should leave you guys alone to live your life without interference.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Awww that part you said you dread going home made me feel pity for you lol I can imagine.First of,what causes the fight? I think your mum should learn to draw the line she's a mature woman and a mother she should know how to give space at least. Even if she want to stay at yours it should be for just visit. Your mum and wife needs to stay away from each other for a while.

    ReplyDelete
  9. The reason they still step on each others toes is because you never reprimanded them. A bad act is a bad act, from whosoever! Stand on the truth and give a fair judgement per time, that way,, both your mom and your wife will already know what you stand for 'the truth' believe me, most if these bickering will stop.
    It is not easy but it is achievable!!!
    The two are very important, help them achieve peace and again, tell your mom to calm down nobody is stealing her son from her, it's called marriage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You Are right. The two women are both important in his life. He is her only child so mama can't stay away from her son just like that. I also understand your wife too. Poster talk to the separate and give them some harsh warning. The two should try and come exist for your peace of mind.

      Delete
  10. I think you should marry your mother since she doesn’t want to separate from you and vice versa. You left your family to marry your wife so she is your priority. You shouldn’t stop your mum from visiting but maybe set clear boundaries with her? Don’t make your wife miserable because you can’t separate from your mum. Maybe your mum can reduce the amount of times she comes over to stay? Or if she’s staying over, how about she comes and leaves same day. If you don’t set boundaries with your mum, your wife may see herself as the enemy and you both are hanging up against her type thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. “I think you should marry your mother since she doesn’t want to separate from you and vice versa”
      Easy for you to say. Did you read where the poster said he’s her only child?
      You talk like you know what’s going on in their house. What if his wife is the troublesome one?
      When it comes to MILs, some of you don’t know how accommodate, but would allow your own mothers stay for as long as they want.

      Delete
    2. Chic, God bless you.

      Delete
    3. Madam Anon that is her only child. That boy is all she has in this life. The two women should try and coexist. The poster should just apply wisdom when dealing with the both of them.

      Delete
    4. So because she is her only child she shouldn't give them space? She should be in their faces 24 7?? Hell No.

      Delete
    5. The problem we have is sentiments and the inability to tell ourselves the truth.. The fact that someone gave birth to you doesn't mean she is a good woman. Even witches have children. Some mothers actually don't want their son/daughter's marriage to work.

      Know thy mother!!! If she is troublesome and a handful, do not throw her away but keep her away from your marriage.

      If she is the type that complains about trivial things, keep her away from your marriage.

      My sister in law once fought her own mom and begged her to stop interfering in her marriage as it was causing her issues with her husband.

      The same woman has a 40 something year old son and is still chasing away all the ladies he brings home to marry.

      When she came for Omugwo at mine, I saw hell. My baby will be crying in the night and my husband will come from the other room to carry him cuz we were not sleeping in the same room. Next thing my mil will come and tell him to go and sleep, he is going to work the next day and she won't stay to help.

      Mr Poster, tell yourself the truth. If you know your mom is difficult, reduce the visits to once a week and also go visit her. She doesn't need to come 3 times a week, kilode?? And if she must visit often, beg her to let your wife be. Also talk to your wife to chill.
      You must address the issues causing the rift and settle it with wisdom.

      Delete
  11. You didn't mention your father so I am assuming he is out of the picture. Your mother should reduce the frequency of her visits. She should understand you are married now and gracefully exit the stage. You should find her something to do (running her own business or something) or let her join a women's group in church (if you are Christians)
    Fighting 3x a week means she virtually lives with you. That is not correct so I blame you for all this. Step in and discourage your mum from visiting so often.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That let her join a group in church got me laughing and everyone is looking at me in the saloon like i am going gaga πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£

      Delete
  12. Your mum should learn to stay in her house. She should come to see the kids and go since your wife doesn't get along with her. Some selfish women can't stand their in-laws.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some mother in laws are selfish, they don’t want to leave their son, they want to know what is happening in their son’s home and how the wife is treating him.

      Delete
    2. @mummy mama, what’s wrong in a mother wanting to know how her son’s wife treats him?

      Delete
    3. Lady T/worth more than a thousand dollars19 October 2019 at 19:27

      It is not exactly Mama's business. She should let them be. Learn to build by themselves with no interference.

      Delete
    4. Sluttychic, lady T already answered your question, cause I was going to type almost the same thing she said.

      Delete
    5. @slutty, you'll make a bad and troublesome MIL in the future....

      You & all those fans of yours supporting you are Loco

      Delete
    6. Wanting to know is even good, how about dictating???

      Delete
  13. You better make it clear to both that you are not interested in stories. It's a case of mum and daughter which they should sort out btw themselves. By the time they both know they have no one to listen to ngbati ngbati they'll adjust.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Send ur wife a link to this post. She will learnfrim comments. She should respect your mum and not be rubbing shoulders with her. Let her treat your mum as her mum and cope with her excesses. If her mum pisses her off, she won't fight her

    ReplyDelete
  15. In my own case, I'm the one always mediating between mother and son and not the other way around so I'll tell you what I do most times.

    I beg him to please try and not allow his mom actions rub him the wrong way (he's her only child so you can understand how that can be on a man who has the same stubborn traits like his mom) and see it from a place of na only you she born, bear it and grin and see that as an act if too much love and concern (maybe wrongly expressed but it's love and concern all the same) . It works almost all the time because it makes him try putting himself in her position and seeing it from a different perspective. If your wife can see herself as one who has a mother who takes her as the wife of her only child, she will let a lot of things slide.

    I'm also married to a man who's an only child and while you didn't mention what causes the trouble, 3x a week is too much. A whole lot of people from his side told me my 2nd mom is a difficult woman including her son. Now years down the line, I'm still trying to see the difficulty... She's a no nonsense woman that I've seen (but I grew up with no nonsense parents πŸ˜€ so enough training dey) but she's wrapped up in love and sacrifice. So I don't see the difficulty, I see a woman who I take as my mom and who reciprocates accordingly with so much love for me. People wonder how we get along and I tell them...she's my mom, how exactly am I supposed to relate to her? Love and acceptance recognizes itself in another life and responds except the person na confirm witch sha which I'm sure it's not the case here.
    Also tell her to help you because all these avoiding the house and secret pacifiers is not healthy for anybody.
    Communicate same to your mom because my husband told her straight up... Don't come and stress my wife the way you stress me. She's not an only child, she may not understand you and your wahala πŸ˜€ I don't think that entered her ears because she treats me exactly the same way she does to him 😞
    It's funny but it will show that you are committed to a healthy relationship with your wife.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are a wise woman..Grace is all i pray..Mr man learn to stand firm on decisions in your home.

      Delete
    2. Love this πŸ’œπŸ’œ. God bless your home, sis.

      Delete
    3. How wonderful! Everybody wins

      Delete
    4. Thank you ralu, i am married to an only child too, mil is from that place in igboland where they can do open eye too much. She is living with me permanently due to health conditions, it wasn't easy at first, but i ignored a lot of things, does she annoy me? Hell yes, but i have never gone to report to her son ever, i have never raised my voice at her, just used my head. She knows i am not a push over, so we are good now.
      Yes from the on set, my hubby told her, mummy remove your eye from my wife, lol.
      Oga not every one is very tolerant, call mumsy to order amd be stern about it and yes send a link if this chronicle to your wife.
      Wifey pls be considerate and press ignore button

      Delete
    5. Virtuous woman πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

      Delete
    6. May God continue to bless you home Ralm M and Melancholy

      Delete
    7. Ralu m, am I you? Are you me? Lol. The only difference is that hubby is not an only child. The so called tough mother in law, 10 years down the line is my pally. Sometimes she comes to see me sef cos she and her stubborn son are almost always at loggerheads and I have to keep settling, sometimes talking to each of them seperately.
      From the onset though, my husband made it clear that he would not take trash when it came to his wife and they respected that. Me too, I try to be fair and treat them well too.

      Delete
  16. You are an only child does not mean she should come and stay over so often.
    Maybe you should go and visit her every week so she won't feel the need to come to you always.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I think u should scold them separately but seriously,let both of them be scared of having issues because of your reaction. I once had an issue with my brother Inlaw. I angrily told my husband, he pleaded with me and warned me at the same time to learn to over look them, I felt cheated on and taught he was taking his brothers side only for me to overhear his conversation with his brother 2 days after seriously warning his brother to stay clear off his wife and stop looking for my trouble. He said it in igbo" GI lu nwuyemu soolumu" I was shocked. So he knew I was right all this while and he didn't say it to my face so that I will not take advantage of it. So my advice it that, call them separately and threaten them if possible that u don't want to hear any fights and quarells if not they will see the other side of u. my can even tellnur mum that if it continues u will tell her to stop visiting but your wife must not know about what u told your mum.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Did you all miss the part where he mentioned he's an only child? All of you quoting scripture and saying "cleave unto your wife" did the same scripture not command you to honour thy father and mother? If the wife's mother was the one in this chronicle, you will find a reason to justify it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you anon πŸ‘πŸΏ selfish lot.

      Delete
    2. Don't mind them! I don't know how they want to marry and cut the man off completely from his family while holding on to theirs.

      Delete
    3. Will the wife na honour thy father and mother and die ontop? She also have a life, parents which are not bugging her husband. Both women are wrong, they should both learn to tolerate and accommodate each other.

      Delete
    4. Poster I don't blame your wife. Sebi mama has your time ni? Instead of your wife to adjust her mind for mama's twice a week visit, gossip with her, watch African magic and heave a sigh of relief when she's gone and enjoy the break till the next visit, she's busy being quarrelsome. She can even use mama's presence to take her me time and allow mama baby sit etc. Me, my mil no get time. She only comes when I put to bed. Na me dey always beg her to come and she will reply with laughter. And still not come. Has it occurred to your wife that mama can boycott your house and demand you visit her instead. So I believe she visits out of love and wanting to be a part of your lives. Learn to look forward to her visits and what you can learn from her. We women of Nowadays!! I am a bit sad in advance for when my brother gets married. Without even knowing the would be wife I have proposed never to visit except once a year/on special occasions. I will call my brother and hook up with him as need be. Make one wife no dey send chronicles about me or make my brother no dey do referee ontop our matter. Hian!!

      Delete
  19. I think it's best if your mom can reduce coming over to your place. You can open a shop for her to keep her busy, then check up on her once a while. Your wife on the other hand should try to be more accommodating (I understand that it's not easy to 'please' in-laws).however, she should treat her the way she wants to be treated by her future daughter(s) in-law. all the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes your wife should understand your home..Learn to overlook..

      Delete
  20. I think in as much as your mom feels the need to be around you as her "only" is a priority to her, you also need to understand that she's a third party/outsider/intruder in your home and issues must arise one way or another.

    Besides, what's she doing in your house 3x a week? The solution here (in my opinion) is for you to reduce the number of times she visit. Once in 3 months is okay and it shouldn't exceed a week. Try it and see if you'll have issues. There's no much problem here.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Bros, the details you provided are too sketchy for me to give you meaningful advice. Which means you have been avoidant of the issues in your home because it sucks and you don't want to take sides. But if you don't try to get to the bottom of issues they will remain. My advice to you is that if you really want peace in your home, stop running away. Observe things to know exactly what is happening. Then you can address issues appropriately. Is your mother being unnecessary touchy on issues as to how your wife does things, is her old age affecting her (senility)? What is the disposition of your wife and upbringing? Have you discussed with her to know why she is acting up? My brother, stop running, brace up and lay down the rules for them both, but be conscious that you are building a home with your wife as a partner, so her say is very important, you will have to live with her for life (God willing).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You need to be a man and be firm..stop running away from your challenges..

      Delete
  22. @poster please maintain your neutrality. your wife to needs to see your mother as her mom and some issues She should tolerate or better still turn a blind eye. Dnt tell your mom to reduce her visits instead tell your Dad to use moral suasion on on your mom.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I'm sorry but your mum is encroaching on another woman's territory and there can't be 2 captains in one ship.
    You are her only, but you ain't her husband.
    The man's family generally feel entitled and that's not healthy for a marriage.
    Your mum should live her life. Her son's home is not hers.
    You have to make her stay in her own home. She should visit you occasionally.
    She should make herself 'visitable' too.
    It's sad that her presence causes rift and yet she won't stay away. That's not cool.

    ReplyDelete
  24. You are her only, that’s not enough reason to come stay with you all the time. The problem is your mum. Let her give you people a little chance to bond. Her visits are too frequent and nothing about those visits interest you wife anymore. She feels her privacy being violated and she’s no longer in control hence the clashes. Will you mind having a heart to heart talk with your mum. Let her give a little space and let the loving be on the phone for a while

    ReplyDelete
  25. Separate them from each other.
    You alone can figure it out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oga instead of meeting dem separately...bring dem together and discuss..make firm decisions and stand by it..

      Delete
  26. Let your mom come once in a while. I understand that you're an only child, but still your wife like most women need space, Also talk to your wife, let her know how important your mom is to you and also tell her that most times you dread going home cos of their constant fights..

    ReplyDelete
  27. So guys, thanks for the messages so far, but just in case you missed a part, I happen to be an ONLY CHILD. so mama has no one else to visit but me.

    How do u ask your mom, whose only child you are, to stop or reduce the rate at which she visits you?

    Finally, I love these people both, and I remember telling my wife in the beginning about my bond with my ma
    So that's d dilema i find myself in.

    By the way, my wife just delivered today....so we dey increase.....from only me now, out number dey increase.

    I remember the heat my dad used to go tru to get another wife or have more kids outside but the guy refused that I was enough for him.

    So how can I not accommodate these people anytime?

    BVs in Abuja, I will send Stella the invite when we wan do dedication.....if una dey interested sha.

    Most importantly, how do I get a Blog ID do I can stamp my comments and posts?....I feel like coming out of the closest...POST-WISE o

    Syke-O (Poster)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yayyyyyyy!! Congratulations skye, God bless the new born.
      Like I said earlier, both mama and wife should learn to accommodate each other.
      Your mum has no where else to go, she’s stuck with you for life.
      It’s not going to be easy, but try and man up and make them understand both of them are important and you can’t do without any. And if they won’t give you peace, you can as well leave the house for them....they will learn to adjust.

      Delete
    2. I am happy for you poster. God blessings on little Baby and your wife. Please keep showing your mum and wife love. Don't abandon anyone of them.

      Delete
    3. Gosh you disgust me....

      Imagine your mentality of telling your wife from the onset that you have a bond with your ma.

      Anu mpama like you,scum bag, silly mongrel, scare crow I human form is what you are.

      Listen, you'll use your hand to destroy your home, then you'll lose your wife and kids, then mama will come in and stay happy ever after.

      And no, I've got no kind words for boys like you!!!

      Delete
    4. 00.52 are you OKAY? I reject your words for him in Jesus name. Your words will go back to you x7.

      Congrats OP!

      Delete
  28. Reassure your wife it is the two of you forever. Tell her your mom coming is temporary it don't be forever too. Then tell her to try accommodate her as possible so it can help you talk to your mom when its clear she is at fault. Talk to your mom too that you want a happy family she shouldn't be the one to spoil it. Tell your mom to be accommodating too and let some things be

    ReplyDelete
  29. Is your mother a widow? It sounds to me like she may be lonely and derives some comfort by visiting you and your wife. She may also be the bossy type of mother as per our culture sometimes. I can understand why she and your wife clash so much. Your wife is just being protective of her turf and your mother wants to exercise her rights as your mother. Oga, you all need to grow up. Your mother visits way too much. Once a month is fine for no more than 2 days. Your wife also needs to roll out the red carpet when your mother visits, so your mother can feel valued. You also need to help relieve your wife's stress by letting your mother know her boundary. My mum was the same whenever she visited my brother. We her daughters had to warn her to respect herself in another woman's home and stay in her lane. My brother also let her know that his wife comes first.

    ReplyDelete
  30. The things your mum complain about your wife, if she were to be her own daughter, she won't see fault in them. Same goes for your wife, if her mum were to do the things your mum does, she won't even notice. Your mum should reduce the visit or serious warn them not to call you again. They should settle the misunderstanding themselves. Life is too short, the day you guys no longer see mama again, some will wish they'd overlooked...tell them to forgive each other every time

    ReplyDelete
  31. Its a good thing you dont take side brov..

    Resolution: Write two letters, one to wife saying you tired of them both she and your mum fighting and you thinks its high time you run away with the kids till they resolve issues.

    Write to your mum about the same thing but this time around say you travelling out finally without her knowing. Dont hand over to them but place it in a place both might see it at different locations.

    Thank me later

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣

      Delete
  32. I shake my heads at some comments by the women on this blog. One day, you all will be mother in laws and your sons will treat you according to your advice.

    Poster, I advise you seek the advice of RESPONSIBLE family men with above five years experience who you have observed their wives are happy and at peace with them.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hello Oga, mama has lived her life and should not be causing frictions between you and your wife and her. Please reduce her visits to your house. Your wife needs you, and I know mama needs you too.

    The Bible says a man shall leave his mother and father and cling to his wife, I wonder what you people read.

    You are her son yes but you are married. She should put that in mind.

    If you are in abroad that means she will stay with you for ever.

    Please look for people to stay with mama.

    Daughter in-law should show love and understanding.

    It is well

    ReplyDelete
  34. PLEASE, this matter is not complicated.
    My own mom that I love with all my heart has been staying with me for close to a year.... and SHE GETS ON MY NERVES! 🀣
    I am her last child.

    Mom always corrects, instructs, directs and comments on things I think are unnecessary because I am a full grown successful woman.
    I really got so impatient with my mom and tried to avoid conversations. πŸ™ˆ
    I was dealing with a lot of work and family pressure for 3 consecutive months.

    I had to often remind myself that's her way of making up for the chit-chats she would have had if she were in her own home, among her mates and friends.πŸ˜‚
    Besides, I realised mom is getting old (72) and every moment with her should be cherished.
    She is sprightly and looks younger than her age so I tend to forget old folks have some habits.

    Poster, bring your mom and wife together, speak to them from a neutral place right in their presence. Let both see the good side of each other and learn to overlook their weaknesses.

    I guess your mom needs company that's why she visits often. Let your wife understand you all are the only close family she has.

    Mothers and daughters fall out and make up so let's apply it to in-laws.

    Mothers in-law and daughters in-law should not have this cat-and-dog relation except where one or both have the spirit of Jezebel.

    Let's learn to love more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for bringing this up, my Mum and I have very different personalities so it is often a struggle for me when she visits. Sometimes it's not necessarily MIL/DIL conflict but natural personality differences. Not easy at all.

      Delete
    2. Thank you anon 17.37 that every moment should be cherished part is the key for elderly ones

      The most Complex

      Delete
  35. Poster I feel sorry for you already Since you are the only child your mother will likely stay with you in her old . Oyour wife have plans of taking her to old peoples do you apeople's home? How will this your wife treat her then if she can't live with her for just three days?🚢‍♂️🚢‍♂️🚢‍♂️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I meant to write*your mother will likely stay with you in her old age* are you and your wife planning to talk her to old people's home?*

      Delete
  36. Oh dear! Quite the quagmire. We can't be too analytical here because emotions must come into play. Like you rightly stated, these are the two most important women in your life. However, in your matrimonial home, your Palace, your wife, the Queen, reigns supreme. At least she ought to. Your precious mum, comes as a guest. Her own Palace, where she ought to reign supreme as Queen, is either her husband's house or her own house, as the case may be.

    In your matrimonial home, your wife takes priority but she must learn to be a gracious hostess and accommodate the woman who bore the King she is married to. She must understand that the "Queen mother", when visiting, isn't an ordinary guest. We were taught to give older folks more laxity when they step out of line. The laxity should quadruple when the person in question is your mother-in-law.

    When you stated that you are your mother's only, I'm guessing you mean only child, no? You were silent on the present status of your dad. I doubt your mum will have that much time to spend in your house if your dad is still in the picture. Be that as it may, you have to make your mum happy and feel welcome so she can last. No matter how old you are, you're her baby and she will always treat you that way. She still feels no woman can take care of her baby as adequately as she can. The disagreement between your mum and your wife is probably power tussle. Your wife wants to assert herself as the lady of the house, while your mum wants your wife to do things her way. A tug of war with you in the middle.

    My recommendation is that you show your wife more love, spoil her a little. Go out of your way to put a smile on her face. Remember, happy wife, happy life. Trust me, if your woman is happy, she will accomodate your mum without you asking, then imagine if you ask. I know you should cleave to your wife but you owe your mum a lot. She is the reason you are the man you are today. No love can trump a mother's love for her child. All things being equal, you ought to outlive your mum. You don't know how long you have left with her, so care for her now and let her enjoy your company. When she passes on, all you have to cope with is grief and not guilt. I hope it all works out for you guys.
    e-hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are very wise..i always look forward to your comments

      Delete
    2. Na queen you be...

      Poster come and read oooooo

      All that your yen yen yen talk about binding with your mum for life should be adjusted.

      Every woman reigns supreme in her own territory and no two women can reign in one place.

      Your mum is jealous...period!!!

      Delete
  37. the truth.
    tell ur mum to excuse u guys .
    u need ur home more dan anything.
    good woman are scarce to see.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Well, every woman wants to run her own home. If you mother comes over and is trying to take over or is being critical constantly of the way your wife does things then they will lock horns. You will have to really get to the bottom of what the issue is. You really have to have that uncomfortable conversation that nobody wants to have. Does your mother have a husband, or is she a widow? Does your wife think her visits are too much? If your mother is single why not encourage her to start dating again so that you are not her only focus in life, even introduce her to some prospects. You could invite someone over for dinner one of the times she is visiting. Even if she is in her 60s or 70s it is not too late to find a love. Anyhow, I am simply guessing here, because until you really really speak to them and ask them to be completely honest you will not know what the root of the issue is, and therefore you will not know how to go about getting it resolved for good.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Bro.. 3x a week is much biko.. Before I lost my mum we do even beg her to come..my woman loves her so much that they plan her visit and At times I get home and see her as a surprise.. Yes we are just two kids she's got and am her only son.. It can't be settled.. Seems you leave in the same vicinity with your mum.. Biko relocate to an area that she can visit maybe 2x in two months.. Yes I love my late mum but she gives my home that distance.. Your wife needs her privacy.imagine your wife's mum coming 2x a week too.. Na "Fuji house of commotion o". Na woman get house!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Poster, did your mom down and let her know you love her very much and non can take her place in your heart. Tell her how you love her being around, but much more in peace and unity with your wife and not just you. Open up to her about how scared you are of coming home due to the constant problems and how you don't want to have high blood pressure, or under pwrform at work or have even strike because of the constant quarrels, which is getting to you already and affecting you.
    Plead with her, that if she wants you alive, she should try and live in peace with your wife, for your sake. Tell her to try over look some wrongs in your wife, and take her the way she is.
    Also, say same above to your wife. Add that, you are an only child and she should try putting herself in your mom's shoes. Tell her your mom comes out of love and loneliness or fear of her only child being taken away from her. Or her being replaced with another.
    Tell her to try see from your mom's reasoning, and take her as her mom and not mother inlaw. She should give the woman freedom to do whatever she wants to do in the house and ignore or over look her.
    Lastly, when money comes to your hand, open a shop of petty things - mini supermarket for your mom or wife. (biscuit, soap, sweet, soft drinks, etc) it is energy selling and keeps one busy all day. That way, one party will be too busy to fight the other.
    Don't discuss the motive and don't announce it during a quarrel.
    When there is peace, do it.
    Also, pray. God will give you wisdom to handle.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Thanks jor. Only son or not, 3x a week visit is a lot. Mama has to learn to let go of her darling son. That is how nature ordained it. Madam also has to accomodate and understand mama's difficulty. Mr man, has to "man up" and do the needful. Be firm but fair to the two women you love dearly.

    ReplyDelete
  42. SMH. Look at the problems YOU are creating because you have chosen to stick to whom God didn't call you to stick to. Why exactly do you think it's okay for you to play surrogate husband to your mother? What is so wrong with your mother's house that she needs to be in your house and make trouble 3X A WEEK? Even a child being sent off to boarding school for the first time, isn't allowed visits thrice a week. Oga, you no try at all.

    If your wife's father was the one always coming to your home, wouldn't you have asked your wife to choose between you or him?

    Your wife has no incentive to pretend your mother is hers cos it's obvious your mother has no respect for boundaries. Forget love, it's almost impossible to tolerate an ungrateful MIL who doesn't respect boundaries. Why do I say your mother is ungrateful? Cos a mother's love is usually more instinctive than a wife's, so when you see a woman CHOOSE to love the child you carried, you kneel and thank God if you're not an ingrate. Your mother had no choice but to love you, you were what arrived when she met with your father.

    Your wife, on the other hand, had to choose you above other men. You above her father's house. Chose to be the reason that people call you daddy. She still has to make that choice everyday when a man doesn't mind that she's married and asks her out. She chooses not to break your head when you annoy her. Or do you think you're perfect? Ah, only a mother thinks her child is perfect.

    There are choices a spouse has to make that come more naturally to a parent. But instead of welcoming your wife, your mother is fighting her. Your mother was married in, but won't let another woman married into the same family be? If your wife joins MFM now and starts praying "enemy of my marriage, die" prayers, shebi you'll say she's overreacting. Your mother does what she does, not because she's old or doesn't know what she's doing is BAD, but cos she's sure you won't do anything to stop her. So, if your wife says she can't cope and leaves, your mother will clap and dance for joy? Hian!

    You should be apologising to your wife and asking God to soften her heart towards you. Better break EVERY nonsense soultie you obviously still have with your mother and respectfully but firmly let her know that you and your wife are ONE. Your covenant is with your wife, not with your wife and mother. Your wife feels like a visitor in her own marriage. That's why she feels the need to assert herself. So, unless you are planning to be divorced at some point, deal with the mess you're empowering your mother to make in your home. She should REDUCE her visits. If your dad isn't available, there must be groups in church, volunteering or something she can join to spend her time. Man up.

    I'm a woman and it will not be well if my own mother dares 10% of the stunts your mother is pulling. Some of you play too much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You’re the realest I’ve seen on here yet.
      Poster come here o!!

      Delete
    2. The most reasonable and best comment so far.No ass licking and she hit the nail on the head.Poster I think is time you let your mom know with love that your wife is the owner of that house no matter the Level of love you,ve got for your mom.Pick a side and call a spade,a SPADE!.Thank you

      Delete
    3. Well said. Dont mind the mumu poster. As if he will be happy if his wife's mom or dad visits 3 times a week. Abegi, help your mother regain and respect by telling her to reduce the visits. There is time for everything.

      Delete
  43. Poster,tell yourself the truth. Who is the cause of their riffles? Don't pretend not to know cos you have witnessed their quarells and have seen who is mostly at fault. From your post, it may be your mom but you avoid mentioning that. I said that because if your wife was to be the cause,you would have said it clearly but you are in the middle pretending not to know.
    Now,if you want peace in your home, always rebuke the wrong party and let her know she is wrong and should desist from being troublesome. Stop living in denial so as to get your peace.

    ReplyDelete
  44. This is a very sensitive issue and it need to be handle very carefully because you wont want to offend you mother nor you wife.I reckon you let you mother go back to her husband but apply caution on how to go about it for her not to feel insulted.However,you still have to let you wife understand that she is your mother and whatever she may have done to her,she can wait for you to handle the issue.

    ReplyDelete

Disclaimer: Comments And Opinions On Any Part Of This Website Are Opinions Of The Blog Commenters Or Anonymous Persons And They Do Not Represent The Opinion Of StellaDimokoKorkus.com

Pictures and culled stories posted on this site are given credit and if a story is yours but credited to the wrong source,Please contact Stelladimokokorkus.com and corrections will be made..

If you have a complaint or a story,Please Contact StellaDimokoKorkus.com Via

Sdimokokorkus@gmail.com
Mobile Phone +4915210724141