Hmmmmm......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
URGENT ADVICE NEEDED
My husband's niece wants to do her introduction.We are from the Western side. My husband is the only person out of his plenty siblings that placed his mum on monthly salary even though we are seriously managing.
My husband's take home pay is just 100ķ monthly and we still pay school fees,house rent,food stuff and what have you in the home. When mama wasn't feeling fine,his siblings told him to contribute for mama's health but he didn't have,he only sent the monthly allowance. One of the sisters was annoyed with him.
My husband said I should borrow him but I am not working and ever since I got married,I haven't send my own parents anything and I never disturbed my husband to send to them even though my parents understand our plight but when people around see us,they see us as rich even his siblings but people don't know I contribute to the house maybe by buying gadgets too,clothes for the children but people outside praise my husband ,I just smile. I have a little investment I am doing because I worked for a short period of time before marriage.
Now back to the main advice....... Is it now advisable for me to wear an expensive (expensive in my eyes o)lace of like 10k to the introduction or I should wear a little grade lace like 7ķ?
I am looking at it like my husband's siblings will be thinking I am the one that didn't allow my husband to send the money not knowing that I buy things myself and for the children. Please,advice me. .....
*Na wa.........I dont know how to advice you..why are you making it a secret that u also contribute to the household`?wear what you want to wear and let them say what they want to say...why should you care?
Wetin concern 10k lace with expensive? Please wear it mbok.
ReplyDeletePoster please wear your 10k lace, let them talk.
DeletePlease wear your 10k lace oh you don't have please any body,even if you do ,they will still call you a bad wife.
DeleteMaybe na 10k a yard, poverty na serious bastard.
DeletePoster abeg do what makes u happy.. what's d difference btwn 7k and 10k lace sef
Deleteyour are obviously still in the pretence and eye service phase...you might never leave it with the way you sound. Your own money you can't use and show on your own body...my daughters wont try this( Not in naija so never). If you like wear if you like don't, they already have their minds made up about. What about your own mind about yourself? unmade? you see the problem?
DeletePoster,better wear what u want..people will always talk,don't bother urself of what they will say!satisfy urself
ReplyDelete7k and 10k are close in range. Just wear your lace and keep it cute but if you are that bothered about their feelings, wear Ankara to the ceremony.
ReplyDeleteWho wanna seethe will seethe regardless of what you put on.
Do what makes you happy poster. If you like wear an expensive lace of 200k or the one of 5k they must talk.
ReplyDeleteAre you afraid of being gossip about? As far as you are breathing people must talk.
Lolzz..Why are you bothered about them...Wear the clothes you have so far it is neat, clean and presentable..Are you in competition with anyone..My dear cut your cloth according to your dress...What was your job position...I think you should worry about how to start doing something to support your husband before the pressure becomes too much for him rather than your relatives...Treat them with respect but dont allow them influence your decision in the home...
ReplyDeleteI remember when my cousin was so broke that his siblings were upset that he wasnt bring enough money for mama's upkeep (she is late now, bless her soul)...My cousin's wife called her aside and begged that he doesn't have and showed them her hair that she couldn't make for over a month and she understood..Look for one relative that is your fan and explain certain things but be discrete and handle it with wisdom...All the best...
She needs to start something because I don't think she honestly has something she is doing. If not why hide it. And if you don't have you used be managing with your husband not spending unnecessarily. The wedding is just a day. Must you buy lace if you people are this broke? Look for a neat dress and wear and use that money for something else. May you find a job soon that you can brag about.
DeletePls, wear what you want to wear it's what you have. Whether it's 5k lace or 100k lace.
ReplyDeleteN10k Lace expensive?????? Hian!
ReplyDeleteBiko my own is how can someone earning 100k get married and to a house wife...
ReplyDeletePlease poster and bvs don't misunderstand me, is just that I don't see it as an easy journey in this Buhari time.
Poster how do you manage the bills to fit into the 100k?
You asked a sensible question. However the main question is why do they live a flamboyant lifestyle that outsider that feeling they are rich on top 100thousand?
DeleteShe said she has investments na, and from the look of things the husband is not the only one contributing to the household expenses..
DeleteMadam please don't live your life worrying about what people will say or think as long as you're not hurting anyone with your lifestyle.. Wear what you want, whether 1k or 10k, people must talk!
Even I'm not offended by your question. I earn above that and am single but have family responsibilities. Everyone in my family is dependent on me, some more than others. I can't even save for the rainy day. If i lose my job today, i am in big trouble.
DeleteAnd i'm reading this and getting even more apprehensive. I have to become more aggressive with my savings and investments.
Poster, wear what you have. Even if you dress the poorest, dem go still talk.
Anon 16:11, you had better start saving. See the day you lose your job everyone depending on you will survive. START SAVING NOW. Yes I am shouting.
DeletePoster i am on bended knees save!!This happened to me .i lost my job and couldnt boast of 10k savings after working 4years 😀😀Family responsibilities show me pepper.They called me stingy when money wasnt coming .now i don wisen up.Got a better job saved well ,i was able buy treasury bill,do fixed depsit,got half plot smwhere and still dey do the little i could do for family.life na per head!!
DeleteThis your chronicle isn't really about which lace you should wear. Am I right? This is about your husband taking care if his mum and overlooking your own parent. If your husband can give his parent from his own little earnings, I don't see how you can give the little you gave to your parent too. Let his family know you have a job, why are you not letting them know?
ReplyDeleteI don't even know why you want to but another lace. Don't you have a nice cloth you can wear to the party after all you say people think you guys are rich. Then they must have noticed your dressing or lifestyle. Considering that your husband makes 100k and you almost nothing, since you don't deem your job as something worthy of recognition, so I presume you guys only have 100k every month. Cut your cloth according to your material and spend wisely instead on spending on clothes and other things which I believe there are alternative you could find in your wardrobe. You can give the 10k to your parent or use it to buy food in your home.
poster so you worry about wearing a 10k lace and not give your parents money for years...nawa o. una get mind,
DeleteHow can you say 10k lace is expensive? please wear anything you feel like wearing.We sha like bothering ourselves with things that does not matter.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the difference between 7k and 10k? they are almost same price na.
ReplyDeleteSo dear poster,wear anything you deem fit for the occasion.Don't let "what will people say" get to you.
It is your money and you have the right to buy that "expensive" lace.
I just dey pass o.
ReplyDeleteThe kin stories I read here these days fit cause running stomach. 🚶
Is 10k really an expensive lace? Nne, Better wear that thang bikon
ReplyDeletefor her level now ,10k lace is expensive,but she needs to wear what she has except her sister in-law is the one selling the lace,she knows the color of the lace,let her check her wardrobe and wear something close .
Deletehehehe na wa family should stop interfering in marraiges please look at how you have to hide and try hard to please everyone. Sometimes I don't really blaim women who give it hot hot when they get married cos you can't seem to please everyone. Poster wear what you want to wear it's your husband's money and your money too
ReplyDeletei will advice you live according to your size,the people you want to impress, do dy even care...
ReplyDeleteI rem my first child presentation at church. Hmmm as happening babe way I be I dressed to kill even called mua all from my purse.That was the greatest offence I committed to my in-laws. The gossip was something else even muminlaw wanted to show herself untill I made them realise it was my money and I can't come into marriage and turn to old woman. That was wen they all shut up. Now I don't send them ni they have koko tag me as extravagant person but do I care. All I know is that I and my kids looking good comes first before any other thing mbok
ReplyDeleteI hope you prioritise their education as well which is more important, not only looking good.
DeleteIn laws can be funny. Me that has over 10m in my account, 5m fixed deposit,£13,000 and 4.8m current account,my mother in law will be talking as though I depend on her son for every dime. I worked for 10 years before relocating due to marriage, was paid 3m by my company. My husband knows all these but won't say a word and his mum thinks I am the one chopping his money, very laughable.
DeleteBut with in laws, just do you and they will adjust. Be nice and all but be firm.
For your own peace of mind, just wear the 7k lace.
ReplyDeleteTrust me you will be happy that you did. You will even save 3k.
Wisdom is profitable to direct. Just wear a cheap lace. Sometimes it is better to stay under the radar. If you wear something they see as expensive, they may start to give you trouble. Just stay low-key , and stay out of their family drama. That is my 2 cents ooo
ReplyDeleteThen they must be very poor...
DeleteOnce I read lines like;
ReplyDelete"I contribute, my husband asked me to borrow [sic.] him..."
I wonder if the Sisi and dude understand what marriage is; the
difference between;
1. Being wedded and being married
2. Being married and cohabiting
3. What God means by "the two has become one flesh?"
And then, what is disturbing you right now is "what the inlaw will say
and not the peace between you and your husband/kids.
I do not mortgage my love and peace between me and my DH and kids for anything
and I will not advice another to do so.
What you owe whoever is wedding is to "rejoice with them that rejoice..." (google this statement please)
You wear what you are comfortable and decent in and satisfy your conscience that you've
done your best for your neighbor.
Focus on building your home...yes and what you folks can afford for you MIL.
Ndi uta can shoot 😘😘😘😘😘
Please wear what you plan to wear so that you don't go there and start feeling inferior. People will always talk. Their talk will be worse if you don't take care of your self. Try and look for tangible things to do to help the man so that he can stay longer for you
ReplyDeleteIf you like ,go to the dustbin and pick a rag to wear they will still talk.so u better look good.feel happy cos this life is just one.
ReplyDeleteIf you can afford it pls do,time waits for no one.
Poster whether it 10k or 7k lace, it is still a small lace, so just wear any of them, give it to a good tailor and you will look good, if they want to complain, let them complain, they should even hit their heads on corota, don't mind them and enjoy yourself.it's your money abeg
ReplyDeleteI don't see how what u choose to wear affects anybody. Its not their business and even if u wear rags they must talk so do YOU.
ReplyDeleteNne don't please anyone to displease yourself, last,last, they won't regard it.
ReplyDeleteBetter wear what you already have or can afford. Already you and your husband's inability/refusal to cut your cloth according to your size is causing you issues. Cos you must impress outsiders. I have to be blunt, either you and your husband don't like yourselves, or you're both very irresponsible. Your husband should not be borrowing money (whether from you or anyone else) for FRIVOLITIES.
ReplyDeleteEven for your own wedding, there is NO excuse to take on any expenses that will inconvenience you. But this isn't even your wedding! Your husband's monthly salary is 100K and you legit want to use 10% for lace. Doesn't that sound abnormal to you? As you are, are you sure you're not under a spell?
Madam, if lace of 10K is expensive to you right now, fact is you CANNOT afford it! That in itself is not something to feel bad about, but you should feel terrible that you're determined to create problems and unnecessary expense for yourself because of people! Shebi you have children. Have you and your husband set aside money for their fees next month? Or that one no dey una agenda? Have you bought rice and other things that will matter to your children this holiday season? Or they will be looking up and down when other children in the neighborhood are eating Xmas rice. If you like, wear what is more expensive than what your husband's niece will wear to her own wedding, not even the introduction - you hear? And promise to donate a car to your husband's niece. So that your in-laws can keep thinking there's a pot of life in your fridge where you & your husband pluck money.
Exactly, if you are jobless and then spending from your investments 10 percent of your husband's income on lace for a mere ceremony, it shows you are making financially reckless decisions that are sending wrong signals to those around you. I'll advice you pick something from your cupboard to wear and put that 7-10k aside for fees and other things coming up this season.
DeleteI honestly think you are too young and early in the race to put anyone of your parents on a stipend. If they knew how low your husband's pay is in this Buhari economy, they won't even take that money from your children's mouths.
Please start doing some tangible business instead of depleting your investments ammased as a low level staff on lace and save at least half of the profits. Your husband should also target saving at least 10k from his pay every month after responsibilities are sorted. He may even need the money to be able to find a better job. Kill this complex of "all eyes on me" and rather, concentrate on realising the financial future you desire. Cut your coat according to your cloth and remember that right now, you have none and your husband has very little. Be open to the closest person to you in that family and let your husband know that such transparency is important so prudence is not misconstrued for selfishness. Best of luck!
This post reminds me of the BV who was praying for 220k salary like it was 1Million. A family is surviving with 100k salary. God help us
ReplyDeleteInterviewed a man who works as a lecturer; he earns 40,000 naira a month, is married and has a son. People are going through a lot. When you work in HR you can't help but be grateful for what you have got.
DeleteInlaws and trouble. I celebrated my mother inlaw Birthday for the first time in her life. She was really happy. She slept with the gifts she got from me for days. Yet my sister inlaw faulted me for not inviting her children who happen to live in the same city with us. It was not a party oo, i just bought cake and gifts for her and she took pictures with the cake and my children. This same sister inlaw has never celebrated her mother's Birthday EVER. They never even knew her Birthday date before now, just because she happens to visit us and stayed long i decided to ask for her Birth date and i celebrated her just the way i celebrate my parents. Now i am an enemy that is pulling the family apart for not inviting the whole village for an imaginary party that never happened. God help me. I am a kind person and full of love, but these inlaws are turning me to become a wicked person.
ReplyDeleteThose are stupid in-law.
DeleteIdeally, you have the carte blanche to wear whatever outfit you deem fit, but it appears you care about the perception of your in-laws, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Honey, if, as you stated, you guys are struggling financially and your hubby couldn't send extra for mama's health issues which angered one of his sisters, do you think it's wise to dress in any way that will draw attention to you?
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying you should dress like a destitute person, your dressing should be modest. It's not like you are the mother of the bride-to-be, the celebrant is your hubby's niece. I don't know much about laces but I would imagine 10k and 7k fall closely within the same range. Modesty should be the yardstick.
When you are married into a certain type of family, it's prudent not to rock the boat. Darling, you no longer have the luxury of acting without taking certain factors into consideration. True, people will always talk but why deliberately give them something to talk about? In-laws aside, with the financial pressure your family is under, what to wear and how much it costs should be secondary. I reckon there should be more pressing issues.
Be that as it may, since you wrote in asking for advice on what to wear, please dress moderately and not in a way that would suggest you guys are living it up yet claiming not to have enough to give for your mother-in-law's treatment. At the end of the day, your hubby is their own flesh and blood, you aren't. Blaming you for the slightest infraction or perceived infraction by their brother,is almost inevitable. It comes with the territory. You must apply wisdom when dealing with your inlaws. The last thing you want is to put your hubby in an awkward position where he is forced to pick a side.
e-hugs and kisses.
Madam wear whatever you feel like,why are you bothered about them??Some families sha
ReplyDeleteWhat we go through just to impress those that don't even care.
ReplyDeleteMadam poster, your priority now shouldn't be about impressing your in-laws or showing off to the public. Or do you go around announcing to people how much your cloth is worth?
Live according to your means. When you don't have the intention of showing off or impressing anyone, then you'll truly make up your mind on which cloth to wear.
Build your family first. Don't feel pressured by anyone or anything.
Wear what you want abeg, is your money, enjoy yourself.
ReplyDeleteI hate people like you with entitlement spirit, so he shouldn’t take care of his mum because he married unemployed woman like you. If you like don’t hustle and take care of your own parents. Afternoon witch.
ReplyDeleteThe poster didn’t say she was just going to buy the lace,I am sure it’s a lace she has at home.And if they survive on 100k salary with her investment,no need for all this school fees and rice issues.I feel so sad reading this,poverty is a sin and I pray God elevate you and your family soon,because if your in-laws think you are rich with 100,plenty problems dey oh.Please look for Ankara or old lace to wear,let them not have any thing to talk about.
ReplyDeleteUPDATE
DeleteThanks Bibire,it seems you are the only one that understood. I am not just buying the lace,I already have at home and I have decided to wear a lower grade lace but nice looking to follow Ronalda and your advice. The lace isn't so bad but the other lace looks expensive .since I am not the parent of those doing introduction, why dress so gorgeous? I will make sure my son's dress very well. Come follow us to Ondo to eat iyan oooh. It's the last Saturday of this month anyway.
BTW,we are managing fine abeg. I am contented with our lives but I am still searching for job not that I intend to sit at home doing nothing.We are not poor but rich to the glory of God. I am not a frivolous spender .
May God bless Stella for posting and may God bless bvs too.
All am seeing is those saying that 10k lace is not expensive, chimo, chineke Umu ogbenye goziem, because i don't think i can continue, 10 thousand for lace Hnmm, am really poor now i know God have mercy on me.
ReplyDeletePoster you are not doing well for your parents. If your husband can place his parents on monthly pay then you too should do same thing. You can start with small amount and gradually increase it. 10k for a start wouldn't be a problem.
ReplyDeleteI don't see 7k or 10k lace expensive, you don't need to wear cloth and be telling people the price. Just do what makes you happy.
Even if you wear rag they will still talk. Wear what ever you are comfortable in
ReplyDelete