STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CHOOSING THE RIGHT BOYFRIEND
Dear SDK I would like you and bvs to help advice me on what to do.
Dear SDK I would like you and bvs to help advice me on what to do.
I am a 28yr old lady and a trained teacher with the government. I just broke up from a Relationship 5 months ago and I have four guys asking me out. I would like to have the advice of you and bvs ...
I will call them A, B, C, and D.
A is a childhood friend. He is 1 yr older than me. We grew up knowing each other he is a diploma in accounting holder, but he is secretive about his place of work as in he doesn’t want to tell me where he works. He says he wouldn’t spend money on a gf because a gf can easily break up with him but a friend wouldn’t. He says he would like to date me so I should think about it.
B is a chartered accountant who works in a private company in a different state from mine. He is 2 yrs older than me, I have known B for three years now and he is a very calm, cool and gentle guy plus he is a very wise person. I confided in my friend who told me he is very humble and respectful, she also told me he dated one of our other friends I would call her Gina. B came home for Christmas but would be going back to his base. My only problem with B is that he lives and works in a different state, from my state to his is a 24hour journey by road. But aside this I like everything about him. He is also from a very humble background.
C is my lecturer. Am a distance education student pursuing my degree program. He lectures me guidance and counseling and is 8 yrs older than me .
A is a childhood friend. He is 1 yr older than me. We grew up knowing each other he is a diploma in accounting holder, but he is secretive about his place of work as in he doesn’t want to tell me where he works. He says he wouldn’t spend money on a gf because a gf can easily break up with him but a friend wouldn’t. He says he would like to date me so I should think about it.
B is a chartered accountant who works in a private company in a different state from mine. He is 2 yrs older than me, I have known B for three years now and he is a very calm, cool and gentle guy plus he is a very wise person. I confided in my friend who told me he is very humble and respectful, she also told me he dated one of our other friends I would call her Gina. B came home for Christmas but would be going back to his base. My only problem with B is that he lives and works in a different state, from my state to his is a 24hour journey by road. But aside this I like everything about him. He is also from a very humble background.
C is my lecturer. Am a distance education student pursuing my degree program. He lectures me guidance and counseling and is 8 yrs older than me .
he is 36yrs. My problem is he is already a made man. he lectures at the teacher training college and is a part time distance students lecturer. He has everything going on well for him and I don’t want him to think I want his money as such people are a bit impatient when u make a mistake. Plus his age is a factor,
I don’t wish to date him. I see the age gap as very wide.
D is my age mate and is a marine engineer who teachers in a private primary school because he doesn’t have a job yet. And his dad Fell sick so he had to come back home from the places where the ships are to take care of him. Due to that he got a job at a private school for the mean time pending when he gets a job that suits him. He has expressed interest in me and says I should think about it. D seems like a very young person who might not be ready to settle down now. With the way I see and perceive him.
A- is secretive and tight fisted with his money?That is why you should focus less on what a man has and try to earn yours...if he cannot give his girlfriend money,can he give his wife when he marries?Some men are generationally stingy!........The vibes are wrong.
B- is everything you want but lives in a different state and might possibly be dating there...He is so far away that you cannot just wake up and spring him a surprise visit ...long distance relationships and a big risk these days.....it is only love that gives on the mind to go into it.....
C- you don't want him to think you want his money?But that's what you want na..You complained up there that A said he cannot spend on his girlfriend.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a mans money when dating him.
D- what is all this?you already know he has to sort himself out and you are thinking of dating him?if you are going into a relationship you are not sure of where it is leading you,please do not even bother entering it...the signs are always there from day one but so many prospective lovers do not look well...Unless you just wanna gbensh,i will advice you not to even bother with D.
You don't seem to have found anyone yet.....please be patient,love will find you and you wont need to be confused or send in a chronicle before you even say YES!!!
D is my age mate and is a marine engineer who teachers in a private primary school because he doesn’t have a job yet. And his dad Fell sick so he had to come back home from the places where the ships are to take care of him. Due to that he got a job at a private school for the mean time pending when he gets a job that suits him. He has expressed interest in me and says I should think about it. D seems like a very young person who might not be ready to settle down now. With the way I see and perceive him.
A- is secretive and tight fisted with his money?That is why you should focus less on what a man has and try to earn yours...if he cannot give his girlfriend money,can he give his wife when he marries?Some men are generationally stingy!........The vibes are wrong.
B- is everything you want but lives in a different state and might possibly be dating there...He is so far away that you cannot just wake up and spring him a surprise visit ...long distance relationships and a big risk these days.....it is only love that gives on the mind to go into it.....
C- you don't want him to think you want his money?But that's what you want na..You complained up there that A said he cannot spend on his girlfriend.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a mans money when dating him.
D- what is all this?you already know he has to sort himself out and you are thinking of dating him?if you are going into a relationship you are not sure of where it is leading you,please do not even bother entering it...the signs are always there from day one but so many prospective lovers do not look well...Unless you just wanna gbensh,i will advice you not to even bother with D.
You don't seem to have found anyone yet.....please be patient,love will find you and you wont need to be confused or send in a chronicle before you even say YES!!!
I prefer you going with C but have a clear mind, ask him questions, define your relationship. Above all, pray about it.
ReplyDeletePoster,forget all those chewing gum boys and follow the lecturer!...
ReplyDeleteDont date or marry a broke ass no matter how rich you are...
Madam Pigeon Knacker...As a masquarade that you is now..You just appear and disappear..
DeleteAbeg linda helepu me to telly this gal that is confusu! Imagine 28 years saying 36 years old man is too old for her lol. I bet you when you clock 30+ eeehn 50years old man go become your next best lol, women of twenties no dey hia word! Madame better choose wisely
DeleteI’m sorry but what kind of teacher’s training do you have? I’m sure you know why I asked that question.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I’d say date guy “nada”. When you meet someone you want to date you wouldn’t need us to choose for you. You just got off a relationship, take them to chill and decide what you really want in a man so that when and if you do meet him you wouldn’t need our permission.
This mistake of jumping into a relationship once one ends happens too often because most of us do not know what it is to be single and happy. We tie our happiness to men and relationships, if you can’t be happy single then trust me a man cannot do it for you. Work on yourself and the right man will come but don’t listen to me though because you women are too worried about “entanglements” than worthy relationships.
Isn’t it illegal for a lecturer to date their student? I know these things happen and not so bad When it’s between two consenting adults but I don’t think it’s right. You are still his student and how are you sure he genuinely wants something serious with you? Doesn’t this introduce favoritism and bias over other students?
DeleteI disagree with you..Nothing wrong with a lecture marrying a student..I know of two lecturers when I was in school that married students and still happily married..
DeletePhoenix, there is something called conflict of interest and most university policies frown on it. After graduation it's a different matter.
DeleteFollow Stella’s advise pls. Don’t be desperate. Age is still on your side.
ReplyDeleteLas las you'd still follow your heart.... all these A B C to Nebuchadnezzar.
ReplyDeleteWawu!
ReplyDeleteFour dudes for you alone following you like ijiji? 😊😊😊😊
Mmmhhhhe, if you are looking for boyfriend look for the one you can marry o...na correct advice to sisi be that one o.
You did not tell us your spiritual identity; if you are in Christ or not...Cos in matters of life, believers in Christ make their choices differently; not looking at age, loaded purse, made or not, etc. for we do not walk by sight but by faith.
You can begin the walk of faith (in Christ ) today by asking him to come into your life. Study his teachings and his Spirit will lead you. He created you and knows the future and the inner recesses of any man's heart.
That is the way to go to make a good choice, keep your body chaste and pure for him and have peace of mind.
It may or may not be any of the four dudes as the person will also belong to him.
You grab am?
Eheeee, make I drop mic here. make ndi uta shoot... 😘😘😘😘✋🏻
A says he wouldn’t spend money on a girlfriend😱😱 such men, you shouldn’t be with them. They will give you a thousand excuses why they can’t help you. You want to have a girlfriend you can control, prove to her always you are the man but can’t spend on her. For him to even mention such shows how low he is mentally.
ReplyDeleteB isnnot so bad. I’d like you to give him a chance.
C is your lecturer and you think you can’t be with him so don’t think you are after his money. Since when did it become a sin for women to marry already made men? If you are opportuned to meet an already made man, it’s an added advantage. But make sure you have something doing. As for his age, 8 years difference is not much.
How do you manage to concentrate when he is lecturing you? I hope you don’t think of sex and romance with him while in class 😂😂
For D, I guess he has a lot of responsibilities. You can’t rush him so leave him out of it.
I stopped at the second paragraph. I can't advice you.
ReplyDeleteDon!!!!!!!!! lol
DeleteAlways angry and antagonistic..I believe your face go rough like Alex Osifo own...
DeleteLol 😂 but why?
Delete@Phoenix you couldn’t have said it any better... Don is always angry.. I hope you are not a hit man in reality.. Why are you so hard?
DeleteAlwx Osifo 😂😂😂😂... wickedness i swear.
DeleteContrary to what you all think, in reality, his type are usually timid, shy, dumb and scared of socialising with human beings but they become Titans on the social media.
Delete😂😂😂😂😂
DeletePhoenix ,please be nice😂😂
DeleteAnonymous 17:39... you just gave Don mortal combat finishing. I would really love to meet Dons wife. Men like him always meet women that are hard and they will turn to mumu. Scratch that love blindly.
DeleteI'D LOVE LOVE LOVE to date C.
ReplyDeleteYes, everything is not all about money,but money is good. I guess you're currently employed? kini big deal?
C is matured and well grounded with experience.
Forget about the age, but it matters so much to then forget about it.
C is an Ideal man if you ask me again.
Poster, you shouldn't have added "A" to the list at all. I think you should list the qualities of both B and C on paper and go for the one whose qualities surpass other.
ReplyDeleteB and C are the options for me.
ReplyDeleteB because I was in a long distance relationship, even longer than urs and it worked so to me distance shouldn't be a problem if there's true love, openness and trust.
Ur only problem with C is the age and that he's made. Sister, if u were not the one that went after him, why should he think u are after his money, abi didn't he know he has money before coming to u????
And as per the age matter, as long as u are not the older one and he's not married, its a non-issue (for me of course)
I agree with Eka however you have to really like what you see and then pay attention to the way they (B & C) treat people around them and you ofcos. No need to rush so just be friends and get to know their characters and attitudes. Anyone who is serious about you and not just looking for any nice lady to marry, will be patient with you.
DeleteYou see babe.. When Love finds you, you won't even ask questions! It will be the exact way you want regardless of both parties imperfections.
ReplyDeleteMrs Korkus said it all
Hia. Which kin chronicle be this. If we say go with so so person, will you go??? You should have broke this chronicle down to the two you prefer then we'll give you reasons why one is better. Not to pack the 4 and come here...coz you definitely do not like the 4 same way.
ReplyDeleteSometimes i wonder what the motive is of ladies who bring their tales about suitors here is?
ReplyDeleteIs it to brag that they have many suitors or what?
I don't even see any seriousness in any of them
If A says he can't give you money, tell him you can't give him sex or cook for him.
There are some kind of women guys will meet they won't be able to open their mouth to says such because they know even if the lady is collecting all their cash they don't still deserve her because of how many men want her.
You didn't say B asked you out or are you just day dreaming?
About C, if a man is threatened by you as a lady that you want his money, then you are not playing your cards well. A love man's love is tied to his money. The more he spends on you the more he is less likely to want to call the relationship quit first and even apologizes more.
As for D, you want to carry wahala abi?
I will advice you focus on B and C. If any one you ask for your hand in marriage accept.
Thank youooo. I thought same too. To tell us she has four suitors...But what's the point since you re still anonymous??? Hia
DeleteOh come on..how can they be bragging anonymously..that's a useless brag naa. Some people just need to know what others think. Some people feel better when their problem is shared. And to be honest, I've benefited from advice here as well. It's all a good support forum and good for mental health.
DeletePoster, B or C. The agegap is very ok. But dating a lecturer is illegal where I live, not sure about Naija.
15.27 thank you o. Exactly what is said. How is she confusing men want to gbensh her with considering options for marriage?
DeleteHow is she bragging, she's confused that's why she wrote to Stella.na wa
DeleteYou hit the nail on the head. Tbh I don't even know why A or D are on that list because it sounds like she likes them more than they like her. A is not trying to impress a woman with his money aka his ability to take care of a family responsibly and be a provider. D sounds like a baby still sowing his wild oats. The fact that she realize and suspect this means he is not doing a good job of trying to hide it. Aka he's not trying to impress her. Translation? He doesn't like her. She needs to wake up and realize that a grown man will do all in his power to impress a woman he really wants and make her feel he is the best option for her. This isn't secondary school. No maybe about it. And yes men cherish women they spend time, money, effort, energy and investment into. Marry a man that doesn't need anything from you but your feminine presence. I say this all the time
DeleteNa wa. A b c d only you. Carry go. No advice at all
ReplyDeleteC is 36 and your are 28? Pls how many years gap do you want? At 28 your should know what you want from your ideal Man, you can't get the help you need on this forum.
ReplyDeleteTo me B or C is fine but I will go for B because u like him. See, as far as what u like is Godly it is good. Ask yourself if u can date long distance and if u r willing to relocate. B seems like your guy. If u have peace then u r sure about him. Just keep praying
ReplyDeleteIt is not about who she likes but who likes/cherishes her more
DeletePlease remove A and D from that your list. I go with B or C, but I prefer C. The age gap is not too much, 36years is still very okay.
ReplyDeleteWhy did u put A in this equation ? Just choose between B and C but I would advice u go with the lecturer, ur husband must not be 2/3 yrs older than u.. moreover the age difference isn’t even bad at al and yes nothing wrong if he is comfortable
ReplyDeleteLolzz Poster I had a good laugh reading your chronicle..The way you named the guys after the alphabets are the positions that you have placed them and pyschologically, I think you kinda like A but I may be wrong.
ReplyDeleteIf it is true as your story says..I will prefer C however baby girl you don't need our opinions here when it comes to life choices especially in the area of marriage/relationship..Why not go on your knees and pray to God to direct you on the kind of man you want and dont use fleeces (e.g The man that will marry me let him wear Red canvas and Rayban eyeglasses) Nehi!! Nehi!!
See when you meet the right man you will know darling you will..You dont even need any prophet,BV or Stella to tell instead these are the 3 times you will feel in your spirit not your heart or vagina 1. Inner Witness 2.Peace of Mind 3.Joy..Take note of the 3 points I mentioned..All the best..
Honestly, none.
ReplyDeleteToo much pros and cons, not good.
Don’t even make the mistake of sleeping with any of them o my sister. Please and please don’t.
Stella has said it all in her summary. Wishing you all the very best.
ReplyDeleteMarry Mr.C so far u have your money. After all, u said u are working as a teacher who teach in the govt school. I don't think 8 years is a wide gap except u are ready to settle. Thank God u have many suitors. It is now that u can pick bcus u are still in ur prime. Pray to God for the right partner
ReplyDeletePls consider C,the age gap is not much,my hubby is 11yrs older than me ,besides women age faster than men .do you want to look like your husband older sis😁😁.many ladies are looking for a made man to marry and you are here feeling scared,i don't know how rich a lecturer can be that made you feel this way,because a lecturer in this country is just an average citizen who can afford basic things of life. Excerpt if he has so much wealth that does not complement his job earnings. Although some do side businesses. I prefer C
ReplyDeleteThank you me sef I like them older oh
DeleteMy problem is I don't see any serious mind in the four of them. Why are you confusing 'men want to gbensh you' with 'a man wants a serious relationship with you'. None of them has been consistently( and convincingly) on your case for a fair enough period. That's not even a guarantee for anything but at least, it's one of my prerequisites. I have to be courted properly. I'm a virgo girl. No man asks me out 'just once' and I start to consider dating him. It won't even cross my mind. You have to be consistent and persistent. Like i said, that's not a guarantee for anything. But... It's something. Makawhile?!
ReplyDeleteFor me I will say none but since u want us to chose for u,B or C..marry whom u are comfortable with and forget about age
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahahahahaha, so we should choose boyfriend for you?
ReplyDeleteOkay stella mama this is the longest write up, your red pen has written
Nsogbu! Una bye bye
I don’t see how strangers on a blog can help you choose a suitor, but, ok...
ReplyDeletePlease, is it a lecturer that you are calling a ‘made man’? In Nigeria? That is, an education lecturer? It is well oh. At 28 years of age, do you see it as a must that you start from one room face-me-I-face-you with a man? Is that your definition of love? Is he not the one that started chasing you first?
You didn’t even tell us the one you like.
Have you prayed about it? Do you believe in praying about it?
Oh well, I would say go for C. If he’s a good, mature man. He will even help push you in your career
Never never marry and date a stingy man ladies!
ReplyDeleteDrum it into their ears well o! Can't believe women are still considering going 50/50 or building with a man in 2020 after all the stories we hear. Women get it into your skull!! Men don't care how many years of your life you have invested or suffered with them or how much money you spent on them! They are not grateful like women and their loyalty is questionable.
DeletePlease what's your spiritual life like? Seek God first and He alone will settle you.
ReplyDeleteLet God be a major criteria in choosing a Man.
Spiritual maturity and genuine love for God is most important.
The issues in marriage includes money but the presence of God overshadows it and Money will follow in a genuine marriage of Godly people.
Stay away from all this criteria of the flesh pls a genuine man after Gods heart will follow God to the end and no matter what money,peace,progress will be attracted into the marriage.
Seek God first genuinely
marry C but only if he respects you and treats you right. A sounds like a yahoo boy. B's distance is a dealbreaker, and D no get any money, plus he will probably change character when he gets moolah (and nobody knows when)
ReplyDeletePoster go for C, abi you like poverty, Are you afraid of the good life? . He's made and besides 36yrs old man is not too old for you OK.
ReplyDeleteHowever just follow your heart, but make sure you are not looking for a rebound, if you want to date a man now, do it because you are ready and willing.
Go for C...8 yrs gap is very OK...all those one year, two years older than u will look like your son after a few years in marriage...C is made, guurrrllllll grab him fast or are your village people on your case?
ReplyDeleteOption C is the best as far as I am concerned. Honey you're 28. That man is not that old. Unless maybe you're not attracted to him and you don't wanna tell us the truth. I feel as a lady u should rely less on attraction and more on what the man can do for you and how he treats you. If he can take care of you. because the man will cherish you more with that dynamic. Men only go 50/50 with women they don't really find attractive or women they are settling for and even If they do like her, she may spend so much time tiring herself out and lose her looks do to the stress of building a man and we know men are visual bla bla.
ReplyDeleteMan A is not an option. He's too stingy abeg and u may have to be feeding and providing for him sometimes. After all that he may not repay your loyalty or he will wanna reclaim his manhood by using your money to pamper other women, cheating etc. when he makes he may realize that u are not compatible or u are not even his spec. Rme. It's 2020 and women have finally realized that going 50/50 with a man has little benefit. And men only cherish women they have invested time, effort, energy and especially money into.
Option B is a no for me cus he is long distance. Unless he's willing to relocate you asap or relocate to your area, it's pointless. Because u stand the risk of him finding a woman in his area after u have invested so much in him.
Why is option D even there if he's not ready to settle down? Lol. Let me guess he's 25 or 26 years old but ridiculously handsome and attractive? Girl forget that guy. Cut your losses and go for the 36 year old. Mature and can take care of you, will cherish you because you're younger.
Tbh I don't even know why A or D are on that list because it sounds like u like them more than they like you. A is not trying to impress a woman with his money aka his ability to take care of a family responsibly and be a provider. D sounds like a baby still sowing his wild oats. The fact that u realize and suspect this means he is not doing a good job of trying to hide it. Aka he's not trying to impress you. Translation? He doesn't like you. Please wake up and realize that a grown man will do all in his power to impress a woman he really wants and make her feel he is the best option for her. This isn't secondary school. No maybe about it.
ReplyDeletePray about B & C.
ReplyDelete