STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SAD;CONFUSED AND HEARTBROKEN
I'm 20 and I have 3 children.
I got pregnant for my boyfriend who is then a welder apprentice and my parent rejected me. My mum and dad packed my clothes in a rice bag,took me to boyfriend now husband's parent's house and abandoned me there and they made a warning that they don't ever want to see me again as I'm a disgrace to them.
All thanks to my husband's parents who are very supportive through it all.
A year after my husband graduated and he's always going sites to look for little jobs,along the line he got a bigger one,where he supplied iron rods to some blocks of flats for it's construction and that was how our lives changed.
We moved out of my in-laws house,we got our own place and we were living fine.
All these happened 5yrs ago,now I'm a graduate and I also own my business.
My parents that said they never want to see me have started calling 5yrs after with the excuse that they just want to hear from me and I'm really sad and heartbroken.
I don't know if I should allow them into my life or say hello from afar because they are toxic.
If i start talking about how we were raised hmmmmmm... Story for another day and it's one of the things that led to me getting pregnant at my teenage years. I longed to be loved and my boyfriend now hubby loved and cared for me genuinely.
How do I do this as I've vowed not to anything to do with them again. My in-laws are very peaceful and I've taken them as my parents.
I and my hubby had had a little court wedding and not ready for any ceremony until maybe years later.
I'm sad, confused, scared and heartbroken.
*All these happened 5 years ago at 15years!...Your parents must have been shocked and didnt know what to do.....
I'm 20 and I have 3 children.
I got pregnant for my boyfriend who is then a welder apprentice and my parent rejected me. My mum and dad packed my clothes in a rice bag,took me to boyfriend now husband's parent's house and abandoned me there and they made a warning that they don't ever want to see me again as I'm a disgrace to them.
All thanks to my husband's parents who are very supportive through it all.
A year after my husband graduated and he's always going sites to look for little jobs,along the line he got a bigger one,where he supplied iron rods to some blocks of flats for it's construction and that was how our lives changed.
We moved out of my in-laws house,we got our own place and we were living fine.
All these happened 5yrs ago,now I'm a graduate and I also own my business.
My parents that said they never want to see me have started calling 5yrs after with the excuse that they just want to hear from me and I'm really sad and heartbroken.
I don't know if I should allow them into my life or say hello from afar because they are toxic.
If i start talking about how we were raised hmmmmmm... Story for another day and it's one of the things that led to me getting pregnant at my teenage years. I longed to be loved and my boyfriend now hubby loved and cared for me genuinely.
How do I do this as I've vowed not to anything to do with them again. My in-laws are very peaceful and I've taken them as my parents.
I and my hubby had had a little court wedding and not ready for any ceremony until maybe years later.
I'm sad, confused, scared and heartbroken.
*All these happened 5 years ago at 15years!...Your parents must have been shocked and didnt know what to do.....
You should be the one asking for forgiveness from them...
sebi you are now a parent?better watch out that history doesnt repeat itself to teach you a lesson.
Nobody is forcing you to do any ceremony,go and make peace with your parents and accept them back..Take your hubby with you when going..
20 with 3 kids...make una take am easy,you are just a baby yourself and your spent your teen hood making babies..........just wow!!!
20 with 3 kids...make una take am easy,you are just a baby yourself and your spent your teen hood making babies..........just wow!!!
You are sad because you are not at peace with your own people.. Settle with them and see how peaceful and joyful you will become. Your life is better now, take the lessons, bury the past and look forward to a better tomorrow.
ReplyDelete20 years old. You really started early.
Stella she may be only 20,but she is a responsible married woman now and no longer a kid.
DeleteI agree with Stella that she should go back with her hubby to reconcile with her parents. She has to forgive them so she herself can be free.
But she has to be wise to know their motive, just in case they are planning to turn her into their cash cow. So she should tread with caution.
Getting pregnant at that age may be disappointing to the parent but throwing her out and abandoning her is totally wrong, what if the her husband's parent did the same thing they did what would have been her story. Stella she did them no wrong and no reason to apologize to them but they should apologize to her. She even mentioned they were part of the reason and problem she got pregnant at that age. Yes she is a mother now and know what it is to be a good parent and her children will not pay her with any evil. Poster for now forgive them but don't bring them closer until you are sure you want to and not because they reached out to you. God bless your home.
DeleteParents should learn how to handle some situation with their children that they won't regret in future. Ọmọ níyun, ọmọ nídè.
For once I do not agree with Stella. I understand that it is a shock for a parent to discover their 15 year old child is pregnant but to kick her out and turn your back without checking is not okay. It shows the kind of people they are, and the fact that they only bat an eye lid when she and hubby are doing well says a lot.
DeleteI agree that she needs to make peace with her parents but what we as fellow BVs ought to do is encourage her on how to go about making peace without it being at her detriment.
Dear poster, if you are reading this, my advice would be for you and hubby to discuss, pray and do attempt to 'make peace' with your parents, but do so with wisdom as are now a parent & wife, and you need to put your nuclear family first.
We dont know the full details of your family history/relationship but they are still your parents and it is in the best interest of all involved that you have some level of communication (I would suggest low level until you learn to trust them).
I hope this help, and please in all you do, exercise wisdom and try to think of peace.
Good luck.
Babygirl go and apologize to your parent. You broke their heart and stop that talk of they made you go astray. You were not raped or forced to start having sex at that young age. Stop blaming anyone for that mistake. Thank God everything is going on well with you. Please go back to your parent and make peace.
DeleteGod bless you Yemi for this opinion. It's so apt. Poster, follow this writeup
Delete@Anonymous19 January 2020 at 19:10 what are u even saying self? is she supposed to be having sex at 15years old? are u a parent ? if you are then you would understand what the parent went thru
Deleteshe should go and beg and the husband should beg also for defiling a small girl even her inlaws should tag along and beg!!!!!! because dey did not instill moral training in their sons life, he should not have had sex with a 15 year old.
I'm only perplexed about how you graduated so soon after all u went through... God is indeed great
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly,and she writes well too.
DeleteSomething is not adding up but I ain't bothered.
Make peace with your family and get your parents blessings and stop acting and feeling sad like your parents are calling and coming close because you now have small change.
Go and beg them because at 15 no parents will be happy their child is pregnant and out of school and while at it,go with your husband, then later with your inlaws.
It's possible especially if she gained admission five years ago and was not affected by carry overs and strikes. How she did it with 3 children is what I can't understand. Her in laws are awesome and she is strong.
DeleteI'm glad your travails ended in praise. Your in laws must really have been supportive to allow you graduate so quick.
DeleteSome parents can be horrible when you disappoint them, that's because of the pride and hope they have in you. Since they have taken it upon themselves to make peace with you, do same but watch them with side eyes. Its possible they are aware things are beginning to work out for you. You can assist them if you are able to but remember to always put yourself and children first.
Easy on the child bearing.
You got pregnant at 15yrs old and you are blaming your parents for how they reacted at the time,were you expecting them to rent hall and call Flavour to come and play at your naming ceremony??? Look here stop feeling fly cos you now got a little change now,you wronged your parents and put them to shame but it's a good thing you've turned your life around,you and your hubby needs to go apologise to your parents,ask for their forgiveness and make them happy,stop blaming them for abadoning you with your in-laws,you brought that on yourself.🙄🙄 3kids @ just 20yrs na wa for you,it shows you are irresponsible,it's a good thing things turned around for good for you and hubby,just thank God,not hate your parents.I'm amazed how you cope with getting pregnant and having 3kids,doing business and graduating from school in 5yrs,sounds too good to be true.
DeleteAnon 17:05 don't mind her as if her parent out the man dick inside her Toto. At her age, if i see man, i will run. I hope you train your kids properly so they don't bring you the same disgrace you bought your innocent folks
Delete“Throwing” your daughter away because she got pregnant is unacceptable. When their sons rape women or beat their wives do they throw them away?
DeleteDont Mind them. At 15 people are saying she should apologize to her parents. For what exactly? Yes she made a mistake but her parents are evil and disgusted for abandoning her. What exactly are they now checking on her for? The shame has suddenly left them? Shes suddenly their child again? Foolishness. Children will make mistake and your job as a parent is to love them and be there for them as little as you can while they take full responsibility for their actions. Imagine if the inlaws didnt treat her well and she ended up dead, would they still be calling her now? So because she made something of herself and her hubby is doing well they suddenly want to check up on her. Foolish selfish parents.
Delete@Anonymous21 January 2020 at 23:49 its obvious that you are not a parent! God will help u to be able to accept your daughter when she turns up pregnant at 15!!!!!!!!!!!!
DeleteWell, her parents failed her. my friend's 18yr old got parent last year and i can tell you that at no point did it ever cross her mind to throw the girl out, she has taken the baby now and the girl is back in school.
DeleteNow that you have small change you don't wanna look at your parent's face. Make peace with them and move on already. Are you scared they'll start asking you for money? They are still your parents and you need their blessings.
ReplyDeleteYour pregnancy came as a rude shock to them. They don't know how to handle it. They were too rash and hasty but God changed your story.
ReplyDeleteThough painful, they are your parents. Greet them but don't disclose anything concerning you and hubby.
It is well. Talk to them. Do the little you can do.
Help them from afar
What a wicked advice coming from a woman. All of una go soon become parent, we shall see then..
DeleteDon, ignore that mad one. Prolly how she was raised
DeleteDon, those that give advice hardly keep to their own advice.
DeleteAbeg what is wicked in that advice? She said reconnect but keep them at arm's length and don't divulge anything about her home. Would you not like a woman that is discreet about her husband? What is wrong with helping from afar? Just because they are parents does not earn them the right to run her life.
DeleteGod bless you Yori Yori, she should be careful of her relationship with them. They waited for too long to reconcile with her and her husband. They need to visit her in laws thank them for being there for her when they failed and forgive them for their rash and hasty decision.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteYemi you abandon your folks doesn't mean everyone will be like you. She wronged them, she should make peace and bring them closer. She has only one mother and father. Forget what happend in the past, she should show them love. They were not wicked, they were just disappointed.
DeleteStella, where do you pull these thoughts from. Poster dont listen to her. Your peace with them can be made from a distance, forgiveness doesnt have to be face to face.
DeleteA pareants guidance and protection is not at their discretion, it doea not turn off arbitrarily like PHCN. What if she had died in the process of thier abandonment, through abortion or suicide, for crying out loud she was 15!!. What if the family had maltreated her, mentally and emotionally. What if she had bee thrownout and she was led to a life of prostitution?? Would they be looking to make peace with a prostitute. Is it not because you turned tge lemon they gave you and turned it into lemonade that they are seeking you out after 5years??! 9.8tines out of 10 their motives in situations like this for reconciliation isnt noble, but borne out of selfish interests. These people sont love you, and they will bring strife into the peaceful existence you have built for yourself. Forgive from a distance, bringing them close will bring a world of regret and confusion that God used that pregnancy to save you from.
The poster has every right to be angry because her parents left her for dead. They thought it was finished for her and she wouldn't succeed in life. Glory be to God she proved them wrong. And yes, some parents push their children out of the house with their actions. Stop assuming all is well in every family because yours is ok.
DeletePoster forgive them and reconcile with them for your peace. But be wise also. I would be wary of anybody, friend or relative that only know me when things are looking up for me. Real good people are with you through the bad times and good. May her in laws be blessed abundantly. Many in their shoes would have taken advantage of her to maltreat her. They are very decent people.
How did she wrong them? She made a mistake that most Kids who parents failed make!!! If anything, it is the parents that should look inwards instead they were even harsher on her....
DeletePeople need to grow up and understand what parenting is! Your child’s well being is paramount no matter what! That a child makes a mistake does not mean disown or kill the child, you discipline and pull close with the other hand. Always in love, always!!!
But no, majority of Nigerian parents have no idea what true parenthood is. It’s not about you, but about the child!!
Poster, please let no one. I repeat , no one make you feel terrible. Thank God for your parents in law. Maybe your parents should learn how parents should treat their kids from them!
Oh by the way, yes, parents cause all kinds of trauma that lead kids to fall astray but y’all are not ready for that conversation.
Just reading the comments here make it obvious that the majority of Nigerians Ned to be in therapy for childhood trauma, or at least, learn about it and how not to continue the cycle because truly how can you stop what you do not think is wrong? - just imagine people saying is it your parents that bro ought the pre-K into your vjay smh.... unevolved minds smh
God bless you for this comment abeg. Truly disgusted reading some of the comments stating that she wronged her parents. Go and apologize. For what exactly?
DeleteNana21 January 2020 at 01:39 Thank you for this comment
DeleteI think you should forgive your parents, they might have thrown you out because they themselves didn't know any better way to handle the issue and were naive aswell. Life is a learning process and we keep learning everyday so forgive them, give them another chance and watch them prove your fears right or wrong before taking a decision on them.
ReplyDeleteThank God she didn't die while they were being naive.
DeleteWhat kind of parents chase a 15 year old away from home because she got pregnant? OMG! They are horrible!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of child gets pregnant at 15.OMG! She is horrible and spoilt.
DeleteBrown sugar so if it happened to your child you will chase her away? You're as horrible as her parents. If they did their job as a parent, a 15yr old won't get pregnant under their nose
DeleteShut up you judgmental twat.
DeleteDidn't you see where she said she was abused by her parents and that made her get pregnant.
Poster only forgive them because of Jesus
Don't go back.
If you were still suffering and called them for bread would they have answered you?
Oprah Winfrey got pregnant at 13 or so just that the baby later dies so please stop being so judgemental. Let God not change it for you ...
DeleteThank you o aproko, her parents are horrible Abeg, i once asked my mum what she would have done, if i had taken in during my teenage years, she said tho it will bring shame to them, she will still take care of us.
DeleteShe was just a kid abeg, poster forgive them please, they might have abandoned you when you needed them most, but pls forget about it and let them back into your life, they are your family.
Aproko queen thank you.
DeleteBrown sucre, her parents failed her that was why she got pregnant at that age.
DeleteGod forbid I even throw out my 25yrs old pregnant daughter out of my house talk less of a 15year old
Very horrible and wicked parent, bad examples of what should be call a parent. I wonder if they have never made any mistake in their life.
DeleteHer parents are very very wicked. She should not beg them. My mom had my big brother at 16. My granny helped cater for my brother, so my mom could go to school. My mom eventually got married to my dad. Today, she is the bread winner of the family. Built a house for granny, and all. Only heartless parents can kick their kids out when pregnant, it not like she committed a crime.What if something bad happened to her? They are here just cos she is doing well. Never give them money. They failed u
Delete@16:45
DeleteWhen did Oprah become the bible for morality?
You don't throw the baby with the bath water. Her parents were very wrong. How did they help the situation? However forgiveness is key to our development in life. It can hurt but is necessary to free your soul and let it focus on productive things. Spiritually for God to forgive us, we also have to forgive others. This doesn't make it easy. But pray to God for grace poster. You can do it.
DeleteSome parents though. Granted you made a mistake, sending you off at such an early age wasn’t so nice. They were ashamed because you got pregnant and said they never wanted to have anything to do with you anymore. So what do they want now? Are they no longer ashamed of you? Na wa!!!
ReplyDeleteThank God it all turned out well for you both, and may God bless your husband and his family for not also rejecting you.
Now you turned out well, they want to be close to you. Forgive them and do the little bit you can for them....they are family.
Did she and her boyfriend turned husband looked for any elderly person in her family to beg on her behalf before finally finding refuge with the inlaws?
DeleteThank you slutty chic.
DeleteShe was a child, 15 years old. She didn’t know much, besides not everyone knows the elders in their family. Her parents shouldn’t have sent her away like that. No matter how angry you are with your child, put their safety into consideration.
DeleteBrown Sugar at 15 how many members were she exposed to by her parent to relate with even in her shame and disappointment in herself then or did parent think she was not sorry too and she mentioned they were at fault too in their parenting.
DeleteHer parents should have been there for her when she was a pregnant teen. So, if things had not turned around for her, will they be calling her nkw? Just asking.
ReplyDeleteOne word of advice: stop at 3 kids.
ReplyDeleteMeet up with your parents, hugn kids, if they are still toxic, find your square root.
ReplyDeleteSoja go soja come. You are now parent and know the feeling of your child spreading legs and collecting belle at 15.😮😮😮😮😮😮
Yes, what your parents did was bad too. It is not a good idea to disown your child. But think of it. If they had decided to own you and the child and refuse your boyfriend then from having anything to do with you and that child, do you think you'd have been a graduate with your own business and married to that man that you love?
This is a sincere ajuju o
If you want to be truly happy and enjoy your family and have peace, you just have to forgive. Kindly read Romans 12 -last six verses.
My sisis closing legs can save a lot both in this life and in the life to come.
?
DeleteI am happy your husband and his family were able to see you through school. Forgive your parents and move on with your life. At 20 you have 3 kids, leave it at that for now because you are still young. All the best
ReplyDeleteI won't blame your parents and don't give me reasons to blame them for throwing you out, when you got pregnant at 15.
ReplyDeleteYou disgraced them because that was not their aim for you at that time in life.
If you like reconciles with them or not, it's your decision but I will never blame them for your disgraceful action.
I personally think she should forgive her parents but to say "her disgraceful action " is so wrong. She was a child and it was her parents responsibility to teach, guide and protect her from vices as engaging in sex too early and falling pregnant especially as a teenager so of course they let her down for throwing her out. But like I said earlier, her parents probably didn't know how to handle the situation themselves hence they chose to do that; it doesn't make it right but not unpardonable. All these boils down to people not being well equipped before having babies.
DeleteI won't blame your parents and don't give me reasons to blame them for throwing you out, when you got pregnant at 15.
ReplyDeleteYou disgraced them because that was not their aim for you at that time in life.
If you like reconciles with them or not, it's your decision but I will never blame them for your disgraceful action.
Our parents should do better. How do you throw your child out of the house because she got pregnant? And I know some of we kids are terrible. No matter how much you train is, we just want to follow the wayward path. You sound like a peaceful person poster. First go for family planning. Then call your parents on phone. Get used to talking with them before you decide if you want to go visiting.
ReplyDeleteHer parents "married her off".
DeleteThey took her to her "husband's" house since she is already doing married people's things.
So I won't exactly say sent away.
How do u do it,Stella? You are so wise, I actually never tot about it that way. Thank u. Poster, take sdk advice Hook line n sinker. I only wish u had said that "tin" that u experienced in ur home to make u open leg anyhow. Congrats on ur better life,pls go beg ur parents.
ReplyDeleteStop getting pregnant for your boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you referring to him as your husband?
As he paid your bride price?
Your parents did wrong by throwing you outside to the 🐺 to feed on you, thank God for your boyfriend understanding parents.
Go and make peace with your parents, introduce them to their grandchildren and also, your boyfriend should make a better woman of you by going to pay your bride price.
Sending you love and hugs 🤗🤗
Yes, she is married, she said they have done court wedding now.
DeleteDid you not read where she said they have done court wedding? What do you call that?
DeleteMs A, they got married but not according to Native Law and custom. He is not her boyfriend!!
DeleteIt’s only in African countries, India (women pay dowry) that people pay bride price.
Idiot she has done registry so what do I mean by boyfriend? Cos bride price ha snot been paid? Stop being an ass and I know u would say it’s d poster that’s writing mumu
DeleteAnonymous 17:18, its not only in Africa and India people pay bride price.
DeleteThere are a lot of things many people don't know about other countries.
You mean you don't know people married in court are legally married? What are you even saying? Besides, the parents themselves abandoned her at her in laws'.
DeleteI am sorry i dont understand this. It means you got pregnant at 15.
ReplyDeleteNow you are a graduate, that means while you were in the uni, you had two more babies. And you still graduated within that 5years. Wow. Nursing your first child as a 15year old must be so easy that you went ahead to have 2 more while studying for your degree. Your parents-in-law must be so supportive. Congratulations to you.
No way she's 20yrs
DeleteChild birth is very easy for girls her age.
DeleteMaybe she has now graduated from secondary school. She might have gotten the numbers mixed up. I bet you she was in Junior Secondary, got pregnant, gave birth and finished high school. Then she had two more.
DeleteThere are waiting times for writing university entrance exams like JAMB. All this ASUU strikes nko?? Except the husband sent her to a neighboring country to attend university.
I believe she had and still has a very good support system in her parents in-law so she could anything.
DeleteWhat if she graduated OND or COE?
DeleteY'll must find loopholes in every story sha.
Maybe she didn’t miss anything. Maybe her life is that beautiful and cos of the support of her in-laws and her own hard work and determination to succeed she made it work! Why does it sound unreal? Cos you finished school at 30?
DeleteMost girls in my class were pregnancy and some had 2 or 3 babies during. The course of school...
so it’s not far fetched.
Poster, I’m proud of you jare! I love determined women who don’t let bad situations kee them down! And ClGod bless you in-laws too!
Forgive and make amends with your parents but keep them far away from you. Do not ever let your in-laws regret how they took you in and bridged that parenting gap for you all those years!! Be careful!
I will advice that you relate from afar with your parents. Ask for their forgiveness and make peace with them but don't go back to the way you guys were. They are very toxic to you. I'm writing this from experience, better don't get them involved in your life again before they mess you up the second time. Since your in laws accepted you and you take them as yours to, just stick to that. Toxic people don't stop till they see you down. Now they know that things are getting better and they want to come into your life again, what happens to sticking with their daughter when she needed them most.
ReplyDeleteGo and read yesterday's chronicle and wisen up. Face your husband and your children and then your in-laws, they are your family now. Only relate with your own family from afar, never let them close again or you'll be sending another negative chronicle. I'm talking from experience.
Poster, take this advice before you get closer to them and they start giving you advice that will ruin your marriage.
DeleteI agree 100% with this. It is sentiment that continually allows toxic people back into our lives. Go and see them and give them their due honour by asking for their forgiveness and you also should forgive them back. After that help with the little you can but keep your distance before your children's future is also destablised. I don;t know what led you to get pregnant at 15 but I know from experience that our parents never change.
Deletedon't let them your life again they will surely spoil your happiness!
ReplyDeletepeople NEVER change!
Some of you, your hearts were formed from steel. Not everybody will think and act like you.
DeleteMost of you guys are hat evil. I hope you pray you kids cut off from your when they grow up.
DeleteEven the churches and mosques you attends have no positive impact in your lives.
Anon 16:49 the thing tire me. I am happy alot of these women have daughters. Imagine telling her not to let her parent back into her life like she did right at 15.
DeleteLol Don are you just knowing that. Fear all these BVs. Na them go church pass but they are very wicked. Imagine them telling her not to make peace with her father and mother. Thank God man nor be God
DeleteIt's not wickedness. The parents did her great evil when they cast her out without looking back, when she was a vulnerable child in need of support & direction. They had the resources to care for her but they turned their backs, they are not good people!
DeleteThey closed that door themselves for a reason, so it should REMAIN CLOSED! She should keep them out of her life FOREVER!
I don't always agree with Don, but I'll to say you are very correct.
DeleteStella has said it all, you are the one to ask them for forgiveness because who knows, whether is your fault because been a teen you felt your parents didn't understand you /life. In each case you are a mother you will soon understand life when you children will get to that teen age. Hurry and go for parents for your parents forgiveness and blessing
ReplyDeleteYou all saying she should settle with her parents cos they didn't know what to do with her getting pregnant at that age are being ridiculous tbh. What kinda parents send a 15year old out of the house? So y'all tell me this, what if her in-laws didn't take her in and she ended up on the streets or wound up dead, who would her parents want back into the their life? Her ghost.
ReplyDeleteI agree she should reconcile with her parents, but poster do it when you are ready pls. You alone knows what you went through and if your heart tells you not to get back into their lives now, than don't.
Have anyone considered the fact that the poster might have stopped at just one baby if her parents were accepting? Remember she said she got pregnant in the first place at 15 because she lacked love and care. Granted, she is happy now, but she could have been happier.
1000 likes for this comment
DeleteSome parents did worse than this in the past. My cousin died in the 80s. She got pregnant, her brothers almost finished her with beating. My dad got to hear of it late when she developed complications in the pregnancy. She died with that pregnancy. Big lesson. We can't stop them, we can only advice and we shouldn't throw them away but support no matter the disappointment.
DeleteI personally will support a pregnant person no matter how she got pregnant.
Too many kids at 20..Go and do family planning
ReplyDeleteParents that do this; do it out of frustration n poverty, forgetting they are the ones who failed in their responsibilities. Take their calls, but don't be in haste to let them near your home yet. Cos you might be surprise the kinda probs they are packing along with them. Before they siphone the lil you n ur hubby can gather!! Please, don't have more kids; hence you might end up just like your parents.LEARN FROM THEIR MISTAKES...
ReplyDeleteForgive them, settle with them and take care of them from afar
ReplyDeleteI don't agree. What if you had fallen by the way side? If not for God that saw you tru. Would they have sought you if the reverse was the case? There's nothing bro forgive, just do your normal normal but keep them at arm's length pls. For me, family is overrated.
ReplyDeleteWhy not advice her to cut off her family and let your own parents adopt her.
DeleteMost of you never kuku see life, you're just dishing out advice based on your myopic thinking.
I am speechless... This younger generation, may God help us o.
ReplyDeleteIf you think your parents are now at your mercy, you're making a big mistake.
Hian. This girl is only asking for advice.
DeleteLol, asking for advice whether she should reconcile with her parents or not.
DeleteI pray that you don't find yourself in this kind of situation as a parent.
DeleteAbi now, thinking the parents are at her mercy, seeking for her face.
DeleteIf you like no go apologize for your shameful act, having sex at 15 and getting pregnant.
Atagara thank you.
DeleteIt is a two way thing. Bible says honour your father and mother. Bible says parents should not provoke their children. Both sides have erred, so both sides should reconcile with wisdom.
DeleteThank God things have turned around for ur good,no need holding grudge against them!they did bad sending u out at that tender age but forgive them all d same
ReplyDeleteSince u haven't seen them in a long time,apparently ur bride price haven't been paid! So take ur husband home,let him pay ur bride price and receive ur parents blessing!
All d best
She is actually doing well, cos she doesn’t have their Blessing. Once they get involved, things will definitely change. Poster, be very careful
Deletethe poster might have graduated from learning a job . Her husband too is a graduate
ReplyDeleteGo and sit down!!! She's a graduate, she is seeking for advice, give her yours or keep walking if you don't have any for her.
DeleteIf they are toxic then deal with them from afar or they will mess your life up. Go and see them alone but go humble not like you are now a madam that has arrived. Settle with them and leave, don't let them have any contact with your husband and in law before they spread lies and spoil your relationship with them. With your parents keep it simple to avoid stories that touch. I speak from experience
ReplyDeleteI concur with this advice. Toxic people are incapable of changing and they are good at deflecting blame.
DeleteI agree with you 16:00
DeleteWhen you say graduate, are you talking of secondary school graduation?
ReplyDeleteBecause for some, like my house cleaner, that is what she understands by being a graduate.
Make peace with your parents.
Your inlaws shouldnt be the only family you have.
Forget the hurtful past
Nursery, primary, secondary, university all graduate from one level to another. Pikin sef dey graduate from belle.
DeleteDoes it matter? In whatever form she is a graduate and doing ok for herself. That is not the bone of contention.
DeleteI understand that the parents were frustrated that was why they threw her out then but how did they even sleep for 5years knowing that their 15year pregnant daughter was out there without proper care? Babe just forgive them for the sake of your peace not that they deserve it.
ReplyDeleteThey want to reconcile because things are good for you and your husband. They probably have bills they need someone to pay for and they've heard of how you have succeeded despite all odds
ReplyDeleteGo and reconcile with your parents, getting pregnant at that age is never what they wanted for you.
ReplyDeleteNeither did she want it for herself. What if the guy denied her? What if the guys parents didn't take care of her? What if she died while giving birth? Who would they want to reconcile with now? They are evil for throwing a child of 15 outta the house, a child they weren't there for and didnt show love. Poster forgive them and move on, there's no reason or justification for throwing out under the rain without an umbrella.
DeleteOlive, what do you mean neither did she want it for herself? She was the one who had sex. I am not supporting the parents here but she needs to take responsibility for her past action.
DeleteYes she had sex and got pregnant but she was only a child. She should forgive them yes but she owe them no apology.
DeleteI'm guessing your parents are most likely Igbos because they are the ones who treat their pregnant out of wedlock daughters that way, if they don't force her to marry one very old or unsuitable man. I've noticed Yorubas don't throw out their daughters for getting pregnant out of wedlock and continue to assist her.
ReplyDeleteThey've heard that your boyfriend now husband is doing well and they want to collect brideprice. Hmm
Poster if you were still suffering and went to beg your parents to help you and your struggling boyfriend would they have?
ReplyDeleteOpen your eyes.
Remember the poster of yesterday. How her mother scattered her plans to travel abroad?
If possible pretend you want to be their friends and let your boyfriend pay your bride price.
Keep you kids as far away as possible from your entire family.
Toxic people can also be jealous.
Toxic people have no shame.
They are ready to drain you financially.
Even if you make up with them don't give any body money. That way you will test if they genuinely want you or they just want you to take care of your remaining siblings.
Remember the poster of yesterday.
There is no love in the jungle.
No stupidity in the jungle.
You die, you die be that.
Please reach out to your Parents.They were disappointed. You know your family background and you went ahead to get pregnant.Dont you know you would have added to their burden if they accepted the pregnancy. Please ask for their forgiveness and make peace with them.
ReplyDeleteyou are a good woman. I pray your kids don't bring disgrace to you. You will enjoy your old age
DeletePoster, reconcile with them. They are your parents. But never forget who was there for you when you needed them the most. Your in laws most likely supported you through school even with 3 kids. Never forget their kindness.
ReplyDeleteDo not allow your family bring division between you and your husband. I'm strongly suspect this reconciliation they're seeking is for financial gains rather than your well-being. Never forget the love your husband and in laws have shown you.
Forgiveness does NOT mean restoring the relationship. She got pregnant at 15 nyen nyen nyen. So, two ADULTS threw her out? That was the solution? Okay na, let us kill every teenager that got pregnant. RME. What if her now husband and his parents were abusive and killed her? She has hinted at a terrible childhood which I'm sure the "forgive and forget cos they're your parents" brigade have chosen not to see. Isn't it on this blog we read yesterday how a mother has done wonders to the life of her own child?
ReplyDeletePoster, toxic people (including parents) do NOT change. I see it ALL the time in my line of work; currently in the middle of one case and just thinking about it fills me with dread to the point where my stomach aches. Some parents are something else...
I'd advise that you send a monthly allowance to your parents as you're able. But you are not under any obligation to have them close to you. Don't allow anyone use your life as experiment with different parts. It's just sorry they will tell you, if at all they admit anything. You are already married cos you did the court thing. If you can, let your husband's folk send your brideprice and list to your father's KINSMEN - just one individual doesn't collect brideprice.
It's just a suggestion which you're free to ignore. You're the one who knows what you went through the first time around. None of us was there with you then, none of us will be with you tomorrow if you have cause to discover that some relationships can only be preserved with distance.
Poster,u can relate with ur parents now but with caution. Forgive them for how they treated you. Let your husband do the right thing by paying your bride price. If they wish to, let them have a relationship with their grand children. Don't hold on to the hurt that you feel. They must feel sorry now which may be why they are reaching out to you. You are now a parent yourself. Parents don't let go of their children easily. Even if they can act harsh and mean, their heart beats with love no matter what. If you think they are toxic,wisdom is profitable to direct. Talk to God about it all and let him guide.
ReplyDeleteGraduate at 20 and with 3 kids? Maybe ND or diploma.. But I will wait patiently for another chronicle from you at 25 or 30 because it's too early to conclude and advice you on this matter sef. All na still child's play. But I wish you well.
ReplyDeleteI graduated from Uni at 18 going on 19 . So what’s your point ?
DeleteAnon 18:12. With 3 kids too??
DeleteAnd you wish her well, let us hope it won't be your own chronicle oh.. Madam waiter
DeleteLet your children meet their grandparents. Relate with them from afar for now.
ReplyDeletePlease just live your life the way you have been living in peace with your in laws abeg let it continue.
ReplyDeleteThrowing you out and forgetting about you until 5 years later is too hurting for parents to do especially your mum. Your mum did not come looking for you to even see her own child and know how she is doing! a 15 year old child! Ha!
Please that you even graduated and have 3 kids in your in laws house already shows how much they love you and want the best for you. Please they are your parents! Court marriage is still marriage please just let sleeping dogs lie
You are young,be responsible for your actions,there are people who are orphans and that was their motivation.
ReplyDeleteYou are not mature,please stop birthing,apologize to your parents,build your career up.
U are thinking things one sided.
Your husband was wrong to sleep with a 15 years for God's sake.
Your parents were angry.
I am Sure u stated your age cos u feel u have achieved....
Pls build your self up,you have time.
Thank you. 3 points:
Delete- take responsibility for your actions
- your husband was wrong to sleep with a 15 year old
- your parents were wrong for throwing you out
God bless you Tenth and Anon 18:59. Her husband really fuck up by sleeping with her. Child abuse but now she is not seeing her Husband wrong, it is only her parents she is blaming. She has been dickimatized
DeleteDid you ask how old the husband was? I don't think he was all that old himself. Their actions were wrong, but thank God for mercy and the kind in laws. So the past is past. God blessed them for a reason. Nobody holy pass.
DeleteReconcile for where? What? Nigerians with sentiments!!! She should forget things just like that? Some parents and immediate family menbers are terrible, stay away from them. Keep them afar. Dont let them into your life.
ReplyDeleteYes forrgive in your heart but please deal with them from afar.
I am a living example of a similar case as regards parents and siblings wickedness. Infact my own ehnn, it was UK Court that eventually resolve the matter.
@poster The only ground for reconciliation is for them to ask for your forgiveness genuinely. Even at that protect your home, infact dont let them know anything about you, your husband or children.
How many of you would kick your son out because he got a girl pregnant? How many would kick their sons out because he’s a rapist? Domestic violence too, no wahala. But you can send away your 15 year old child. I understand pain and disappointment and shame, even hiding her (wrong but still understandable), but to get rid of her. To prove what ? To prove to people that you are upstanding? Is that the Christian behaviour? But when Muslims stone their daughters or marry them off to old men we judge them
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletePoster is time to forgive your parents, understand their importance in your life, they acted that way because they never expected you to fall pregnant at that young age. Thank God you are mother, no amount of offence is right for a child not to forgive her parents. Go with your husband both of you should make peace with your parents.
ReplyDeleteYou are not yet his wife traditionally because he didn't pay your bride price. Let your husband go and pay your bride price to avoid stories that touch. Life is not that hard, what if you refuse to make peace with your parents and one dies you will never forgive yourself. Make peace
They are not important in her life. The time she needed them to be important, they left her for dead, with no regrets. Nothing Would make me send my kids packing, absolutely nothing. Her in laws didn’t send their son away, and supported his dreams, reason why he made it. These same in laws support made poster successful. Your parents are dream killers. Forgive them, but never forget. Be wise
DeleteThe law recognizes the court wedding. They can do traditional when they are ready. Some families use that as an excuse to bleed young people who are managing their lives dry. Hope it won't be like that for the poster.
DeleteIt's a good thing you have good in-laws
ReplyDeleteA lot of these small girls are very very stupid. That is how our house girl who we were educating was fucking up and down, till she got pregnant. She hid the pregnancy until it was found out at an advanced stage. Her parents took her for abortion so she can continue her education because they are very poor and don’t live in Lagos.
ReplyDeleteThe useless girl ran away from their house, came back to our area and continued fucking around with her gang. Till she got pregnant again. They forced her to go and live with the man. The girl was about 15yrs too. Some girl children are crazy and you have to leave them to their own devices before they learn. Such girls want to live a life beyond their years. Sex is nothing to them. Now our housegirl is working as a sales girl and she’s somebody’s wife. She go don hear am well well. This is somebody we wanted to educate to university level and even send her abroad. Some people are destined to continue to be poor.
As for poster, I hope when your husband was having sex with you that he was your age mate? If he was an adult, just know that soon, you will be too old for him. He may like them very young. Out of lack of love I hope you did not go and get yourself tangled with a paedophile? Anyway I wish you all the best. Just be at peace with your family and make sure you work very hard to secure yourself. A man who impregnates a 15yr old cannot be trusted.